Текст книги "Beneath This Man"
Автор книги: Jodi Ellen Malpas
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Текущая страница: 27 (всего у книги 33 страниц)
I watch as Jesse stalks over to Sam’s side of the bed and growls at him, before shoving him out the way and grabbing my hand. He narrows very angry pools of pissed off on me. ‘Ava, it is four o’clock in the fucking morning!’ He closes his eyes to regain his composure – not that he ever had it. ‘You’ve been out cold for nearly seven hours, so don’t you dare tell me not to make a fucking fuss!’
Seven hours? Shit! I’ve fainted a few times in the past, but only for a few minutes at a time. Seven hours is like a full night’s sleep. Every head in the room turns to the door when a nurse enters. Seven hours?
She gives a very disapproving look. ‘It’s one visitor in the room. You need to leave.’
I glance at Kate, who glances to Jesse, who completely ignores her. It’s obvious he isn’t going anywhere. I give Kate an apologetic look on behalf of Mr Challenging, and she shakes her head in understanding with a small smile.
‘We’ll go and get something to eat.’ She looks at Sam and he nods his agreement at her suggestion. I feel terrible. Have they been here all night because I’ve had a funny turn?
The nurse sees Kate and Sam out and then returns to the bed to perform her observations. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘Please.’ I say gratefully. I’m gagging. She looks at Jesse and he shakes his head. He looks like he could do with a brandy. He rests his elbows on the side of the bed and wraps both of his hands around my one, dropping his forehead to the tangled mess of fingers.
I say nothing. I’ve come over all sleepy again, and I haven’t the energy to deal with a Jesse inquisition. I rest my head back and doze off. I could be pregnant and this is really shitty news. He’s going to go absolutely spare.
‘I was told you were awake.’
I open my eyes and find a white cloaked Indian man standing over the bed. ‘Hi,’ I croak.
‘I’m Doctor Manvi. How do you feel, Ava?’ He speaks perfect English, with no hint of an accent.
‘Fine,’ I sigh wearily. ‘My head is banging, but other than that, I’m fine.’ I hear Jesse growl beside me, and I look at him in exasperation. I just want to go home.
‘I’m glad.’ Doctor Manvi shines a light in both of my eyes and pops the pencil like contraption back in his top pocket. ‘Ava, what do you remember about last night?’
If anyone else asks me that bloody question! ‘Not a lot.’ I feel Jesse’s hand lock harder around mine and I turn my head towards him, finding the anger still evident. I feel God awful. I don’t need this.
Doctor Manvi glances at Jesse. ‘You are?’
‘Husband.’ he states sharply, without taking his eyes from mine.
My eyes widen, but he’s completely impassive, completely unruffled by my obvious silent challenge. He forgot the ‘to be’ part.
‘Oh?’ The Doctor flicks through my papers. ‘It’s says Miss O’Shea.’
‘We get married next month.’ His eyes drill into mine, daring me to challenge him. I don’t have the energy. I flop my head back gingerly on the bed.
‘Oh, okay,’ Doctor Manvi seems satisfied with Jesse’s explanation of who he is. I’m past caring. ‘We ran some routine tests on your urine.’ He pulls up a chair and it scrapes along the rubber floor, making me wince. ‘When was the date of your last period?’ He looks at me with sympathetic eyes, and I want to crawl across the room and into the clinical waste bin.
‘A week-ish ago.’ I answer quietly to the ceiling. I don’t need to look at Jesse to know he’s twitching.
‘Right, well its routine for us to do a pregnancy test to try and establish what caused the blackout episode.’ He pauses, and I brace myself for the hurricane that will be Jesse flying around the room in a complete frenzy. ‘You’re not pregnant.’
My head flies up. ‘I’m not?’
‘Well, I say you’re not, but if it’s only been a week since your period, it may be too early to tell.’ He smiles kindly, but it does nothing to settle me. ‘Do you use the contraceptive pill, Ava?’
‘Yes.’ I virtually squeak.
‘Then I think we can safely say you’re not pregnant.’
Oh God!
‘Ava, it’s important that you try to remember anything of last night, who you spoke to, who you met.’
Jesse’s animosity travels through our joined hands, attacking me. ‘What?’ he snaps. ‘What are you trying to say?’
I don’t bother with scorning him for his rudeness, and Doctor Manvi continues, turning a blind eye. ‘We proceeded with a further test. Your symptoms prompted it.’
‘Symptoms? What symptoms?’ I ask, completely confused.
The Doctor inhales and shifts in his chair. ‘We found clear evidence of Rohypnol in your urine.’ he says regretfully.
‘WHAT!’ Jesse roars.
My eyes widen and my heart starts hammering in my chest. As in date rape? Oh, fucking hell!
Jesse flies up from his sitting position, dropping my hand, and I glace up nervously to find him shaking and sweating, the anger pouring from him. ‘As in date rape?’ he yells at the poor Doctor.
‘Yes.’ Doctor Manvi confirms mine and Jesse’s fears.
I spiral into panic at the doctor’s diagnosis to my blackout episode. Oh, this is so bad.
Jesse flies around and throws his head back. ‘Jesus fucking Christ!’ he cries. I see the back of his shirt rising and falling violently as he braces his arms on a nearby metal unit.
‘Ava, I would advise you notify the police. You need to tell them everything you remember.’ He turns to Jesse. ‘Sir, can you confirm whether she was alone at any point?’
My mind races with the evenings events. I don’t think I was. I watch as Jesse’s fingertips reach for his temples and start circling. He’s going to explode. He’ll be like a whirlwind flying through the hospital. Suddenly, telling him I could be pregnant seems so much more appealing than this.
The doctor looks back at me when he gets no response from Jesse. ‘We need to do an examination to determine whether you were raped.’
‘What?’ I blurt. Oh God!
‘She wasn’t alone,’ Jesse replies, more calmly than I expected. ‘I watched her hit the deck, I was there in a split second.’ He turns to face me, and I stare into his tortured eyes. I feel devoid of any emotion. I think I might be in shock.
‘And you are sure of this?’
‘Yes.’ Jesse all but growls.
‘Sir, I would like to carry out the checks,’ he pushes, ‘for bruises and scratches, initially.’
‘I’ve checked every square inch of her. There isn’t a mark on her.’ Jesse stomps across the room and flings the door open. ‘Kate?’
I hear a brief exchange of abrupt, muffled words from outside the door, no doubt Jesse pressing for answers. The doctor flicks a confused gaze from me to Jesse, while I continue to wrack my brain for something.
He’s by my side again. ‘Baby, Kate said she went for a cigarette, but Tom was with you. Can you remember that?’
‘Yes.’ I answer quickly. I definitely remember that. ‘But Tom went to the toilet while Kate was having a cigarette.’ I add.
‘Okay, do you remember what happened during the time you were on your own?’ he pushes.
‘Yes.’ I won’t tell him why I remember. Holy shit, mentioning Matt would be a grave mistake. ‘Why?’ I ask.
‘Because, Ava, I don’t want anyone poking you about unless they really need to, so please, think hard.’ He squeezes my hands. ‘Before I turned up, were you okay? Do you remember everything?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘That is good.’ Doctor Manvi interjects. ‘But, Ava, I would be happier if you would consent to the examination.’
‘No! I know nothing happened. I have no bruises, no cuts.’
‘If you are one hundred percent sure, Ava, I can’t force you.’
‘Damn right you can’t fucking force her!’ Jesse hisses.
Oh God, get me out of here. ‘Nothing happened. I remember everything until Jesse arrived.’ I look at Jesse. ‘I remember everything.’ My voice is shaking. I’m shaking.
He slides his palm over me cheek. ‘I know. I believe you.’
‘Okay. All of your vitals are fine.’ Doctor Manvi says. ‘You’ll have a sore head for a while, but other than that, you will make a full recovery. Once I’ve sorted your discharge papers, you can go home.’
‘How long will that take?’ Jesse has reverted back to madman.
‘Sir, we are in the aftermath of a Saturday night in central London. How long is a piece of string?’
‘I’m taking her home now.’ Jesse says with utter finality. I look up at him and know immediately it’s a battle not worth fighting – not if you want to live. Doctor Manvi looks at me, and I nod my acceptance.
He rises from his chair. ‘Okay.’ he practically sighs. He’s not happy.
I lay back in a complete trance as I watch the Doctor talking to Jesse. I hear nothing. It’s all a muddled garble in the distance. How did this happen? I didn’t once leave my drink unattended. I didn’t accept a drink that was offered. I was careful and sensible. Jesus, what if I had of gone to the toilet a few seconds earlier and missed Jesse at the door? I could have been unconscious and completely unaware of anything going on around me. I could have been raped. I’m attacked by unexpected tears and uncontrollable shakes as I start sobbing in my hands.
‘Baby, please don’t cry.’ I feel his warmth engulf me, holding me tight as my body jerks under him. ‘Baby, I’ll get really crazy mad if you cry.’
I sob relentlessly while he comforts me, muttering his own little curses and prayers above my head. ‘I’m so sorry.’ I heave between sobs. I don’t know why I’m sorry, maybe for defying him and going out anyway. I really don’t know, but I feel so remorseful.
‘Ava, please shut up.’ he pleads, holding me tight and stroking my hair soothingly. I’m aware of the frantic clatter of his heartbeat under my ear.
When I’ve finally regained a little control, I wipe away my tears and sniffle. I must look like a tear stained mess. ‘I’m fine,’ I say, taking a few calming breaths and pushing him away, ‘I want to go home.’ I sound like a spoilt brat.
I start to clamber from the bed, but I’m met by the fierceness of a tall, lean, green-eyed wall. He picks me up and starts for the door, meeting Kate on the way. ‘Get her stuff.’ he orders, striding past her.
‘What’s going on?’ Sam jumps up from the chair outside the room.
‘She was drugged.’ Jesse states flatly. He doesn’t stop to give any further explanation.
‘Oh shit!’ The horror in Sam’s voice is clear.
I hear Kate’s heels trying to keep up with us. ‘What? Like date rape?’
‘Yes, just like fucking date rape!’ he shouts as he proceeds down the corridor with me in his arms. ‘I’m taking her home.’
We emerge into the morning air, and I squint at the offensive, harsher natural light. I’m lowered into the DBS and secured in my seatbelt. I flinch when the door closes, and then I hear the mumble of voices outside the car. There’s a subtle tap on the window, and when I look, I see Kate giving me the call-me gesture. I nod my acknowledgment and rest my head against the window as Jesse slides in and places my shoes and bag in the foot well. I close my eyes again and drift off.
‘Come here you.’ I open my eyes as Jesse lifts me from his car and carries me through the foyer of Lusso.
‘Oh, Mr Ward?’ Clive appears alongside us as Jesse makes his way to the penthouse elevator. ‘Is everything okay?’ He sounds concerned. It’s not unusual for me to be seen carted about by Jesse, so I’m guessing I look terrible, and I know Jesse does too.
‘I’m fine, Clive.’ The elevator doors close, leaving a concerned Clive mystified.
I rest my head against Jesse’s firmness and the next thing I know, I’m being lowered into his huge bed. I’m vaguely aware of my dress being removed and disapproving grumbles coming from Jesse. I roll over when I’m free from my clothes and release a contented exhale of breath when I’m greeted with my most favourite smell in the world; fresh water and mint. I know I’m back where I belong.
Chapter 28
‘Ohhhhhhhhh Goddddddd!’ I stretch out and it is the most satisfying stretch I’ve ever executed. I feel better, much better. I roll over and find a cool spot. Propping myself up, I crane my neck and gaze around the room to find it empty of any other inhabitants, so I gingerly shift to the edge of the bed and sink my bare feet into the lush cream carpet, bracing myself for an attack of dizziness as I stand, but nothing happens. I feel surprisingly steady. I pad across the bedroom and out onto the landing to see Jesse below, sat back in one of the huge armchairs talking quietly on his mobile. He’s showered and shaved and is wearing some pale blue jeans. He’s naked from the waist up.
I lower myself quietly onto the top step and watch him through the curving glass that leads down to the big open space. He looks fresh but troubled.
‘I don’t know.’ he says quietly, picking at the fabric on the arm of the chair. ‘I swear to God, I’ll claw their fucking eyes out.’ He moves his hand from the arm and rubs his eyes. ‘I’m close, John. I really need it. Fuck, it’s a mess.’
Oh God, am I pushing him towards drink again?
As if he’s heard my silent question, his eyes flick up and find mine. I shift uncomfortably on the top step as he studies me. ‘See what you can find out, John. I won’t be in for a few days…yeah, thanks, big man.’ His phone slides into the centre of his palm, but his hand remains by his ear, his elbow resting on the arm. I feel like a complete intruder.
He sits in his chair and I sit on the top step for the longest time, just staring at each other through the glass. I have no idea what to say to him. He looks like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. Should I go? I know that whoever has spiked my drink has probably made my life a million times more difficult. I wanted to prove that he was being unreasonable with his over-the-top protectiveness, but now I’ve just made it one hundred percent worse. He’s never going to let me out of his sight.
As I’m contemplating my next move, he rises from his chair and starts walking towards the bottom of the stairs. I follow his slow climb up until he’s standing a few steps below me, looking down at me. What is he thinking? His expression is flicking from anger to sorrow, back and forth, and his frown line looks like it’s been set in place for a long, long while.
‘If you are going to shout at me, then I’ll go now.’ I say through the dryness of my throat. I don’t need Mr Neurotic on my case. I just want to forget about it and think myself lucky that it wasn’t worse. It could have been so much worse.
‘I’ve shouted enough.’ he replies, and I detect the hoarseness of his own voice. ‘How do you feel?’
‘Fine.’ I rip my eyes away from his magnets and stare down at my bare feet. I’m naked except for my black lacy underwear, and I feel small with him towering over me like this. Uncomfortable.
‘Ish?’ he asks.
‘No, fine.’ I sound stroppy.
He lowers himself to his knees a couple of steps below me so we’re on a more equal level, but he still looks down at me. He plants his hands on the top step, either side of my body, and I glance up from my feet to look at him.
‘I’m crazy mad, Ava.’ His voice is soft.
‘I wasn’t drunk’. I affirm sharply. Damn it! I wasn’t even remotely drunk.
‘I told you not to drink at all. I knew I shouldn’t have let you go out.’
‘I’m curious as to why you think you can dictate what I do.’ I challenge bravely. ‘I’m a grown woman. Do you expect me to live a life with you where my every move is controlled?’ My voice is quiet, but firm through my dryness. He has to see my point.
His lips form a straight line and I can hear the cogs start whirling into action. ‘You are mine.’ he grates. ‘It’s my job to keep you safe.’
I drop my eyes on a sigh. Yes, I’m his, but his objectives with regards to keeping me out of harm’s way are too ambitious. ‘You said you were close. Close to what?’ I pull my face up.
He searches my eyes. He must know that I heard. He looked directly at me after he uttered the words. ‘Nothing.’ he answers.
‘Nothing?’ I can’t help sounding disbelieving. ‘You want a drink, don’t you? That’s what you need to deal with this fucking mess.’
His eyes widen. ‘Will.you.watch.your.fucking.mouth!’ he spells out the words. ‘We’re in this fucking mess because you went out and completely defied me.’ He pushes his face up close to mine. ‘We would not be in this situation if you’d fucking listened to me.’
‘I’m sorry!’ I spit angrily. ‘I’m sorry for not listening.’ I stand up, leaving him kneeling on the stairs. ‘I’m sorry if you feel the need to drown in vodka because of me! I’m obviously bad for your health. I’ll put your out of your misery.’ I pivot and stalk into the bedroom, physically shaking with anger. I heard with my own ears his confession to John. If I go he’ll probably have a drink and if I stay he will also probably drink. I’m between the Devil and the deep blue sea. Why can’t he see that it’s his own unreasonable expectations that are pushing him to complete madness, not me.
‘Crazy mad, Ava.’
I turn and find him stalking towards me with a face like thunder. I back up slightly, and then mentally curse myself for not standing my ground. He stops in front of me, his chest puffing, breathing his minty breath all over me. ‘Kiss me.’
What?
‘No!’ I cry incredulously. The bloody man is deluded! He gives me a royal ticking off for disobeying him, and then starts making more unreasonable demands. I’m not kissing him.
His eyes darken and narrow. ‘Three.’
He must be joking. ‘Are you mad?’
‘Crazy fucking mad, Ava. Two.’
He is completely serious. Oh my God!
‘One.’ he whispers. I scan the doorway past him and disregard that option completely. I’m not getting past him, that’s for sure. ‘Zero.’
Fuck!
I bolt across the room and over the bed. It’s no surprise that I’m captured and pinned under him before I make any significant distance. I’m on my back with my arms pinned above my head with one of his. His jean clad leg rest over my thighs, restraining me. I’m completely immobile and exhausted from trying to break free. You would think I would have learnt by now. I pant in his face as he breathes down on me, tracing the line of my stomach with his finger, and then up the centre of my body to my mouth. He rests the tip on my bottom lip before letting it travel back down my body. The bastard is unleashing that craving for him again. It will never go away.
I run my eyes down the length of his bare torso and to his spare hand tracing light, feathery circles in the hollow void above my hip. ‘I’m putting your resistance down to the drugs.’ he says quietly and critically. ‘I’m giving you another three seconds to make the right decision.’ He lowers his lips so that they hover over mine, as close as possible without touching. ‘Three.’ he breathes over my mouth.
I wriggle and try to fight myself free, as well as fighting the traitorous response my body is having to him. I am incredibly weak and desperate. I open my eyes and find unmoved, puddles of green desire, fanned with his glorious lashes.
‘Two.’ he whispers and moves his gaze to my lips.
He gets no further. I lift my head and capture his mouth, my craving for him just way too powerful to fight back. He pushes his mouth down, forcing me to rest my head back on the bed as his glides his hands over my stomach.
‘Please don’t have a drink.’ I plead into his mouth. I would never forgive myself if he put his body through that again because of me.
‘I’m not going to have a drink, Ava.’ His voice is flat and unconvincing. It makes me uncomfortable. He pushes himself up to his knees before pulling me up to straddle his lap. He brushes my hair out of my face and clasps my cheeks with his hands. ‘Last night in the hospital when you wouldn’t come round, I felt my heart getting slower by the minute. You will never know how much I love you. If you were ever taken away from me, I wouldn’t survive it, Ava. I want to rip my own head off for giving you room to defy me.’
My eyes widen at his confession. His face is deadly serious and that’s troubling. He is, in effect, saying he would kill himself, isn’t he? Well, that is just crazy talk, but I don’t think I would do well to point that out. ‘I’m okay.’ I say in a futile attempt to lighten him up. He looks distressed.
‘But what if you weren’t? What if I didn’t come when I did?’ He clenches his eyes shut. ‘I just came to the bar to check you were okay, and then I was going to leave. Can you imagine how it felt to see you collapse like that?’ His eyes open and they’re glazed and haunted. I know now, for sure, I may as well handcuff myself to the bed. This is not healthy… for him or for me.
‘It was a freak incident, someone playing stupid games. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s all.’ I take his hands from my face and rest them between our bodies. ‘You will put yourself in a stress induced coma at this rate, and then what will I do?’ I ask quietly. I’m not ignorant to the fact that I couldn’t be without him either, but you don’t see me spiraling into breakdown and controlling him.
He shakes his head and then starts chewing his lip. What’s he thinking? ‘You looked relieved when the Doctor said you weren’t pregnant.’ He fixes me with an enquiring eye.
Oh no!
Oh no no no! I could be pregnant. I could be fucking pregnant. Yes, it was negative, but it’s only been a week since I finished my period and it’s way too early to detect if I am. Fucking hell, we’ve been having sex like rabbits and with no protection.
I look anywhere but at him. ‘I missed a pill.’ I feel his hand shift and close around mine and I look up cautiously, finding his accusing eyes and an arched brow. ‘I missed a few, I lost them again.’ I confess.
‘You’ve not replaced them?’
‘I forgot.’ I shrug, like the feeble loser that I am.
He studies me for a while. I feel like I’m under a microscope that identifies useless idiots. ‘Okay. So when did you last take your pill?’
‘Only a few days ago.’ I answer quietly. I’m lying through the skin of my teeth, fighting my hand from delving into my hair. I can’t believe I’ve been nearly a whole week and not replaced them.
‘So you’ll replace them?’
‘Tomorrow.’ I confirm. That is one appointment I’m not looking forward to, and damn I’m too late to munch on a morning after pill.
A funny look passes over his face. Regret? Okay, I’ve dismissed the thought before, but that look has just put me on a major high alert. I would say he wouldn’t do such a thing, but I can’t put it past him. I wouldn’t put anything past him.
‘Jesse,’ I pause, not knowing how to piece together what I’m about to imply.
‘What?’ he asks, looking cautious and actually slightly guilty. He knows what I’m thinking, I know he does, and I’m super suspicious now. He can’t have seriously been trying to get me pregnant? But if he has been hiding them, then he knows damn well I’ve not been taking them for a week. Or did he think I’d replaced them already?
‘Nothing.’ I say, shaking my head. I know he won’t admit it, so I’m playing dumb, but I’ll be searching every square inch of this penthouse at the first opportunity.
‘Your brother rang.’ he says casually, in an obvious attempt to distract me from my drifting thoughts – the thoughts he knows I’m having.
I straighten up. It’s worked. ‘Dan?’
‘Yes.’
‘You spoke to him?’
He gives me a dubious look. ‘Well, I couldn’t leave it ringing constantly, he would have been worried. And why is there a lock on your phone?’
I laugh to myself. I wonder how many combinations he tried to unlock it. ‘It didn’t stop you answering, though, did it? What did you say to my brother?’ My voice is slightly panicked which is fine because I’m panicking. Dan will be straight on the phone to Mum and this on top of everything else is not something I want to be explaining.
‘Well, I didn’t tell him what had happened. I don’t want your family thinking that I can’t look after you. He said you were supposed to be seeing him.’ He looks at me like I’ve committed a serious sin for not telling him of my plans, even though there are no firm plans yet.
‘You told him I’m living with you, didn’t you.’ My lips straighten.
‘Yes.’ He is completely unapologetic.
I could kill him! ‘Jesse, what have you done?’ I drop my head onto his shoulder in hopelessness.
‘Hey, look at me.’ He sounds angry again. I drag my head away from its resting place and look at him with all the misery I feel. His frown line has joined the argument. ‘Don’t you think he would’ve been worried if I had left your phone to ring off continuously?’
This is awful – my worst nightmare. Dan had undoubtedly called my parents.
He pulls me down onto his chest and I notice his heart bucking wildly. ‘I’m going for a run. You take a shower. I’ll get something to eat while I’m out.’
He’s going for a run? That’s my fault. ‘Can’t you stay?’ I ask into his chest. I don’t want him to go.
‘No.’ He lifts me and directs me into the bathroom. ‘In the shower.’ He turns it on and leaves me in the bathroom feeling affronted and worried. He never wants to leave me.
Chapter 29
A couple of hours later, I walk into the kitchen and find Jesse still in his running gear with his finger in a jar of peanut butter. I screw my face up in disgust as he glances up and gives me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks on edge.
‘Cappuccino extra shot, no chocolate.’ He holds up a Starbucks cup, and I take it gratefully. ‘I got you everything.’ he shrugs. ‘They don’t do salmon.’
‘Thank you.’ I smile and take a seat next to him.
‘I hope you’ve got lace on under all of that baggy shit.’ He nods at my body as he plunges his finger into his mouth.
I look down at my ripped jeans and cropped Jimmy Hendrix t-shirt and smile. ‘I have.’ I pull my t-shirt up to display my cream lace and he nods his approval. ‘I thought you were getting dinner?’ I pull over the nearest paper bag, finding a croissant. I make quick work, sinking my teeth into it.
‘Technically, as you have been asleep all day, it’s breakfast time.’ He thrusts his finger under my nose and I retreat back in my stool, violently shaking my head. He smiles a little and feeds it to himself, ‘What do you want to do this evening?’
‘I get to pick?’ I garble around a mouthful of pastry.
He looks at me and cocks his head to the side. ‘I told you, I have to let you have your way some of the time.’ He reaches up and knocks a flake of pastry from the corner of my mouth. ‘I’m all for give and take.’
A burst of laughter flies out and I struggle to keep my half chewed croissant in my mouth as I cough and slap my hand over my mouth. Give and take? This man is crazy.
‘Something funny?’ he asks.
I look up and find a serious face. Oh dear! ‘No, nothing, it went down the wrong way.’ I cough a little more and God love him, he starts patting my back.
I regain control as the intercom starts ringing and Jesse leaves me to answer it. ‘Clive, yes, see him up.’ He hangs up and replaces the phone. ‘Jay.’ he mutters without looking at me.
‘Jay? Who’s Jay?’ I place my croissant back on the paper bag.
‘The doorman. He’s got the CCTV footage from the bar.’ He puts his peanut butter back in the fridge and leaves the kitchen.
Oh fucking hell!
CCTV footage?
CCTV footage that will show me talking to Matt?
I think I’m going to be sick.
I hear the muffled greetings and a few moments later, Jesse walks back into the kitchen with Jay. The doorman gives me a small smirk, one that suggests he may have already watched the footage himself and knows what’s coming. Yeah, I’m definitely going to be sick. I get down from the stool and start to leave the kitchen.
‘Where are you going?’ Jesse asks me.
I don’t look back. My face must display complete panic. ‘Toilet.’ I call, leaving Jesse and Jay in the kitchen. As soon as I’m out of sight, I race up the stairs and shut myself in the bathroom, where I’m safe from the hurricane that I know is coming. I should have known he wouldn’t leave it. I should have known he would be on a mission to hunt down the perpetrator. Oh God, this is so bad. I sit on the toilet seat, get up, walk circles around the bathroom, and then the door handle jiggles.
‘Ava?’
I stand looking at the door. ‘Yes?’ It comes out all squeaky and nervous. I’m so nervous.
‘What’s up, baby. You okay?’
Perhaps I should say no, make out I’m ill so I can stay in the bathroom. ‘Yes, fine. I’ll be down in a minute.’ I call. Saying I’m ill would be stupid. He’d break the door down to tend to me.
‘Why is the door locked?’
‘I didn’t realise I’d locked it. I’m having a wee.’ I cringe. It’s a good job there’s a giant lump of wood between us because my finger is a knotted mess in my hair. I should just jump out of the bathroom window.
‘Okay, don’t be long.’
‘I won’t.’ I hear his long even steps take him out of the bedroom. I’m panicking. Really panicking and I don’t know why. I didn’t arrange to meet Matt. It was a chance encounter, that’s all.
FUCK!
Damn him for being so fucking persistent. Why can’t he just let it go instead of having the doorman lift the CCTV footage? I should go down and stamp on the thing. I yank the door open and stomp out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and out on to the landing. He’s taking this too far. I’m halted mid determined march when the gigantic flat screen television comes into view. It’s like a cinema screen, emphasising everything, making everything seem huge. It’s not, though. It’s quite blurry, the movements are disjointed and the screen keeps jumping. Jay starts fast forwarding the footage, the whizzing of people passing through the bar, the lights flashing here and there, all making it an even more disordered mush of activity. But then I see me settling at the table with the others.
‘Slow it.’ Jesse orders, and Jay puts the film to normal speed. ‘That’s it, leave it playing.’
I lower myself to the top step and watch the television through the glass as my night plays out in front of me. Nothing interesting happens, not for a long while. I watch as Tom dives across the table and seizes my hand. I watch as Victoria leaves us to join her date and then Kate leaves the table, and I know all too well what’s coming. I mentally plead for the television to spontaneously combust, but no. Tom leaves, and then Matt approaches. I stiffen from top to toe and watch as Jesse’s shoulders raise, kissing his earlobes. Matt’s back is to the camera, but there is no mistaking it’s him. I could never fob Jesse off on this.
