Текст книги "Suit"
Автор книги: Jettie Woodruff
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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 19 страниц)
Chapter Seventeen
There was no way of telling what Paxton had in store for me. The text message told me to shower and lay in my bed until he got there. I did shower, I just didn’t lay in my bed yet. The thing is, I wanted him to come. I wanted him to cause whatever pain he could to soak up the thoughts. I didn’t want to be alone with them.
Rather than thinking about anything that confused me even more, I thought about two little girls and a crazy mom. I could see us running on the beach in a distance. We were all flying kites, high above the sea. If only I could go back to that time. The time before my mom fell, before Rod and Dink, before they took Izzy from me, before Ms. Porter, and Falcon, before Markus Long, and—. Wait. Markus Long?
“You never listen anymore. Head injury’s make you stupid.”
I didn’t respond to Paxton’s comment. Not the stupid part, anyway. “Are they asleep?”
“Don’t worry about it. I can take care of these girls just fine without you. Tell me what was said at the ballgame today.”
“I told you it was nothing.”
“Yes, yes you did. Lay down, slut.”
I rolled my eyes and noticeably shook my head. I wasn’t afraid of Paxton Pierce. Not even a little. Maybe I was at one time, maybe I should have been, but I wasn’t, and I wasn’t going to pretend to be. Maybe enduring his wrath would stop all the thoughts. My obedience to lie on my bed was even defiant. I didn’t gracefully sit, and lay down. I plopped. Straight back. Like I was falling from five stories. From a fire escape. My eyes remained closed and the room stilled. I knew if I opened my eyes, Paxton would be wearing a puzzled expression.
My eyes remained closed while I listened to the cabinet being unlocked and then rustling by the head of my bed.
“Scoot up. Lay in your bed right, and don’t talk. Not one word unless I tell you to. Got it, slut?”
“Yup.”
“I said no talking.”
“Then stop asking me questions.”
“Shut the fuck up, Gabriella.”
With my eyes still closed, I zipped my lips and threw the key behind my head. I did want to open my eyes when I heard the hum. Instead I smirked with a puff of air. A vibrator. That’s what he was going to torture me with? Okay. Let’s go. My body moved where Paxton wanted it to move. I may have even laughed a little when I felt my wrists being tied above my head.
“Keep laughing. You’re going to love this.”
Next came my feet. The humming vibrated the bed while both ankles were strapped with thick leather.
“Last chance before the fun begins. My fun. Tell me what happened at the ballfield.”
Silence. I didn’t say a word. Not one.
Until.
“Ahh,” I instantly moaned. Holy shit. That thing was packing a hemi. I swear he barely touched me before I was on top of an orgasm. To my surprise. That was his goal. Paxton had me calling out in pure ecstasy in a matter of seconds. Not minutes.
As soon as I came, Paxton turned off the vibrating devise and left me tied to my bed. Hmm. I silently pondered my predicament. There was no way in hell Paxton was finished with me. One eye opened, and I cautiously looked to the closed door. I waited, wondering what the hell he was up to. Knowing Paxton was probably watching me, I didn’t show emotions. Not the kind he hoped for anyway. I hummed a song I didn’t know. Familiar, yet not.
Thirty minutes was the exact time. As soon as the door opened, I closed my eyes, not about to give him the satisfaction.
“Just tell me what was said. Something happened today. Did it have anything to do with the day you left? Your accident?”
Nothing. I didn’t answer. I guess I was secretly hoping for more of what I’d been punished with the last time. I was. Paxton clicked his tongue and opened me with two fingers. It was a little longer than last time, but nonetheless, I came. I came hard, shuddering from the inside out.
I smirked, knowing the game as soon as the vibration instantly stopped. I smiled with a wink when he turned to look at me as he closed the door. Needless to say, I wouldn’t be the one with the last laugh.
By the second hour, the fourth orgasm, I was done. I didn’t want to orgasm anymore. Of course that wasn’t my decision. Every thirty minutes Paxton came in, asked me the same question, and made me get off. I was a trooper for as long as I could take it. Four a.m.
I was exhausted, I didn’t want to come again, and I didn’t think I had another one in me. Paxton entered my room, ask what had me so upset, and parted me with two fingers. I squirmed, trying to get away that time.
“Stop, I can’t, Paxton.”
Paxton used his fingers, and slid in and out of me, him taking the lead with the smirk. “We can stop. Tell me who said what.”
“There’s nothing to tell. I heard them talking. I don’t know what they said. I just know they were talking about me. Maybe it wasn’t about me. Maybe it was just me being insecure,” I said while spewing out words in a pleading tone. I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t take it.
“Have it your way.”
I tried my best to keep it together and not come again. I couldn’t control it. It took longer and longer each time, but nonetheless, I came. Again and again. I didn’t want to, but I did. I begged and pleaded every time like I was praying for my life. I was. At least it felt like it, anyway. I pleaded in agony every time.
Eight a.m. That’s when Paxton finally emptied his load in my mouth and left me alone, but not to sleep.
“It’s time to get up. Go start breakfast. The girls will be up soon. You might want to reconsider your decision to keep things from me in the future. I’m going for a jog, I’m going to stop and talk to Tricia, and then I’m going to bed.”
I didn’t speak a word. I couldn’t. My body was completely shut down. Not one muscle moved while my arms and legs were freed. As much as I wanted to rub my wrists, I didn’t. I couldn’t. My body melted to the mattress. I was drained.
“Go take a shower. You smell like pussy.”
Again, I didn’t speak. Only to myself. What the hell do you expect, dickwad?
Paxton left me with that. I showered and started my excruciating long day. I cooked, I cleaned, I played with the girls, and Paxton was an ass.
After lunch by the pool, he curled up with both girls on the comfortable cabana bed. I cleaned up the mess and listened to his conversation with Ophelia. Her birthday was two weeks away, and she wanted a party like Chance had. Chance had a princess party with a real princess.
“And Chance is going to come, and maybe Collin, but he’s mean sometimes,” she explained while she twisted hair around and around her finger. I almost told her to stop it when I thought about me being the one to listen to her scream as I combed it out. I didn’t say anything, only because I didn’t want to talk to Paxton. I carried the remnants of lunch inside and stayed there. Far away from Paxton.
He thought this whole keep my house sparkling thing game bothered me. It didn’t at all. Doing the mundane tasks that didn’t need done occupied my mind. I did a lot of thinking. Uncompartmentalize the things I’d learned along this fucked up journey.
I hummed watch me nae, nae with the radio while I shined every visible piece of silver in the kitchen. Ophelia’s birthday party had my attention while I rubbed the handle on the stove to a glimmering chrome. There was no way in hell I would agree to a party with the stepford wives.
“You’re not being very cheerful around the girls today. What’s up?” Paxton asked while sliding his arms around my waist.
“Sorry, I’ll try to do better.”
Soft lips caressed my skin and his grip tightened around me. “A few weeks ago I would have believed that. You don’t hide sarcasm well, anymore.”
“I wasn’t trying to. Are the girls asleep?”
“Ophelia is. Rowan’s putting clothes on a Barbie. I don’t like to be ignored. I suggest you stop.” My eyes closed when his fingers tickled my stomach with a soft touch. A light suction from his lips tugged on my neck and I dropped my head to his chest.
“I hate you. I hate that you can be so cruel and do this to me. I hate you.” Again the filter ceased working. I didn’t want be weak in front of him. I didn’t want him to see the things he caused deep in my soul. Glitter.
Paxton tensed behind me and his lips halted on my skin. I didn’t wait for direction, I turned. Our eyes locked and emotions seared between us. Paxton was weak too.
“I don’t know what happened between us, Gabriella. I can’t do this with you.”
My words matched his. Quiet with a rasp. “Do what, Paxton? Love me? You can’t love me?”
“I don’t want to love you, Gabriella. I want to take care of you financially, I want to give you everything you ever wanted, and I want you to be a good mother to my kids.”
“You want to control me.”
His hands held mine, one on each side of my head. Our eyes stayed locked and our lips close. “It’s a tradeoff. One that worked just fine before you decided to do this. Why can’t you go back to being you? Being us?”
“Is that what you want?”
“No.”
My heart did back flips. It may not have been much, but it was something. It was his way of telling me he did feel. He felt me. My lips parted and his tongue darted in. His hands slid down my sides and rested on my ribs. Mine went around his neck and my body molded with us. There was no way in hell that Paxton could deny this. This searing pull between us. My glitter danced in his heart. I knew it did.
Something changed that day. That moment. Another weird turn was taken. His touch was softer, his kisses sweeter, and his anger lifted. He still wanted the control and I gave it to him. Almost. We had a little disagreement later that evening by the beach.
Rowan and Ophelia was busy with letting the waves push them to the sand. Paxton sat in the sand and pulled my hand. Not beside him. Right between his legs. He never did that. I leaned into his chest and wrapped my arms around his legs.
“I have to know where you were, Gabriella. I’m never going to let it go. You don’t just leave like that. Not unless you were on a mission. Like a plan gone bad. Something’s not right. You never hid things from me. I knew your every move.” Paxton’s lips kissed the top of my head, but it wasn’t the sweet kind. Not that time.
His fingers spread when I laced mine with his. For a second I thought his fingers were going to stay like that and I’d be left hanging, but then he softened. His fingers folded around mine and he sighed a deep breath. A defeated, deep breath. “What if there wasn’t anything malicious about it. What if I gave someone a lift, or something? Something simple, because I’m a good person, and nothing else. Did you ever think about that?”
I sat up a little when Rowan choked on salt water. She was fine, but a fight was born.
“Rowan coughed on me. Tell her she has to cover her mouth.” Ophelia didn’t give me time tell her anything. She scoped up a mouthful of water and spit in right on her arm. One steady stream. Of course that sent Rowan into a frenzy.
I raised up, letting go of Paxton’s hand and shook my head. “Oh, my God. You go take care of that.”
“Do that whistle thing.”
“It stopped working after the third time. Go, before someone gets drowned.”
Paxton leap-frogged my head and growled like a bear. Crooked fingers for scary bear claws. That did it. Both girls screamed and took off running in different directions. Ophelia was caught first. Her little body bounced below Paxton’s arms while he ran after screaming, Rowan. I smiled after them, feeling. Hmm. Happy?
“Out with the family. How nice.”
My hand shielded the bright sun and I looked up. White sneakers, blue running shorts, and a plain white T-shirt.
“I texted you,” I blurted out. Maybe because I knew I didn’t have much time.
“Yeah, I know. Don’t do it again. You look better. How are you feeling,” Lane questioned, his tone changing with distance Paxton closed between us.
“I’m feeling much better, thank you,” I said with the same exact fake tone. What the hell?
“Lane, how’s it going, man?” Paxton said with an extended hand. The men shook hands and I watched cautiously, looking for any sign of stress. It was there. No doubt. I could read fakeness miles away. This entire neighborhood was fake.
Paxton and Lane talked about the last ballgame, stroking their own egos as they boasted about wins and losses. You would have thought they were talking about the super bowl.
“I’ll see ya later, dude. Candace has us going to some play in the city tonight. Wish me luck.”
“Yeah, good luck. See ya.”
Paxton resumed his position behind me and kissed the back of my head. I wished a million times over I could see his expression, his eyes. I needed to read his face after that conversation.
“You don’t like him either, do you?”
“Lane? Yeah, he’s alright. I don’t like his wife.”
“Why?”
Paxton leaned back on his elbows and changed the subject. “It doesn’t matter. What have you planned for Ophelia’s party? She’s starting to get pretty excited about it. I want it to be bigger than Chance’s.”
“Yeah, about that. What if we just went away? Just us. A family birthday.”
“I doubt it if Ophelia’s going to go for that. She wants a princess party with Bella. Get over this bullshit with the neighbors and plan a party. Learn to keep your mouth shut and you wouldn’t have to worry about people talking about you. That’s why you shut up when we’re in public. That’s why you don’t talk about our personal life with other people. There’s some things I’m just not going to permit. That’s one of them.” Paxton sat back up and brushed his hands up and down my arms.
I turned on him. One knee in his crotch and one over his hip. His body was forced back to his elbows when my lips pushed his. “I’m cool with that. Let’s go away for Phi’s birthday.” I didn’t wait for a response. I parted his lips with my tongue and dropped my weight to his. Both his hands went up my shirt and around my back. We made out like two teens in love. For a brief moment there was nothing else. Just Paxton and me. I could hear the girls laughing, and the waves crashing behind us, but it was still only us. Paxton and me in alone in the moment.
I gasped from the cold. Ophelia’s wet body fell to my legs and Rowans landed on my back. Paxton grabbed all three of us in one quick scoop. His fingers dug into my hip bone and I thrashed, trying to use Rowan as a human shield. He tickled her, too, sending her body crashing into mine. Ophelia escaped and tried like hell to roll him off us. Her body was sent into a laughing frenzy next with stiff fingers to her hipbone.
Lane staring at us in a distance, broke the moment. It was the weirdest thing ever. Like he was pissed at me. I could see the distaste on his face when he blew out a puff of air and walked away, shaking his head in disgust. My eyes went to Paxton’s next. He glanced in the direction of my distraction and back to me.
“Come on, munchkins, bath time,” Paxton said in a sad tone, eyes right on mine. Paxton knew something, or at least he felt it, but what? What did I do? I mean, surely I wasn’t stupid enough to cheat on a man like Paxton. He’d kill me.
I saw Lane, running in a distance when Paxton pulled me to my feet.
“I read where some of these cases can stay dormant for years because the patient doesn’t want to remember. Usually because of a trauma, but not always. Just saying,” Paxton said with a shrug and an open hand toward the path.
I took a deep sea breath, filling my lungs with a push. That’s how it felt. It didn’t matter that we both felt the pull. That unquestionable attraction that kept us tangled in this web of deception. Something stronger always pushed us apart.
That’s the way it was with Paxton and me. One step forward and two leaps back.
Paxton tried like hell to revert to dick-headedness. I wouldn’t let him. Not with the girls. That was bullshit. As soon as they were in the tub, he ordered me to my room to shower and wait for him.
I refused. “No, you’re not doing that, Paxton. You heard me tell Phi, I’d read the shoe book. I’m reading the shoe book and then I will wait for you in my room.
Paxton jerked my arm and squeezed hard. “You’ll fucking do what you’re told when I tell you.”
His angry words through gritted teeth did little for my submission. Not this time. I couldn’t even see a filter, let along control it. My fingers tried to ease the hold around my arm and I spit. Right in his face. Both his eyes closed and then opened. Oh shit.
The pain from his grip loosened when he removed it to wipe his face with his shirt. I didn’t move. I stood perfectly still, waiting for the inevitable. Paxton would kill me dead.
“Get the fuck away from me before I knock your teeth down your throat.”
“Paxton, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Gabriella?”
I smiled a sad smile and stepped around him. I felt so lost. One minute I was happy and content, and the next this. “Head injury,” I said while shrugging both shoulders. I stepped away and went to the kitchen.
Two glasses of milk and four Graham crackers waited for Rowan and Ophelia on the table. I pulled my butt to the counter and waited for them, trying to figure things out. Any things. I didn’t care what. Something just had to fall together. A memory from somewhere other than before Paxton. Whatever went on with Lane would have been nice.
Rowan showed up for her snack wrapped in a towel, and Phi came with her pajama-shorts twisted to one side and no shirt. I smiled at both of them without a word. They both climbed to the stools in front of me and bit into Graham crackers. The girls talked about seeing a snake when they walked to the shop earlier with their dad. That was before the blink of an eye. When Paxton wasn’t angry.
“I don’t get Graham crackers and milk?” Paxton asked, interrupting my trance. I was focused on Row and Phi. At how different they were from me and my sister. So far, I hadn’t had one memory of being angry with her. I loved her with my whole heart. Of course Rowan and Ophelia did, too, but man could they ever fight.
I let my eyes drift to Paxton as I slid from the counter. He kissed two wet heads and moved beside Rowan.
“Where’s your clothes?” He asked Rowan when he realized she was wearing a towel. He turned and said the same thing to Phi when he noticed she was half naked, too.
I poured him a glass of milk and dropped the pack of crackers in front of him with a thump. He could get his own napkin.
“What do you think about going to Disneyland for your birthday, Ophelia?” Paxton asked her while looking at me. A truce maybe? Jesus. This man was impossible to understand.
“Can I take, Row-row?”
We both laughed and I felt a little better. At least I wasn’t worried about a replay of the night before. I hoped anyway. I couldn’t take another night like the last. The fifteen minute power nap I stole while Paxton took the girls back to his shop did little for my exhaustion. I couldn’t wait to sleep.
The girls and Paxton talked about Disney. Ophelia was over the moon excited about a birthday trip. Even after Paxton gave her the ultimatum of either a princess birthday party or Disney, she chose the trip. Thank God.
Chapter Eighteen
The funny thing about it came after the girls were sound asleep. We both went different ways. Paxton upstairs and me to my room. I showered, yawning the entire time. I couldn’t wait to lie down, to relax my exhausted body, and let sleep take my mind. I wrapped my lavender scented body in soft black satin and routinely walked out to the view. The ocean was quiet, yet full of life, and the moon looked majestic.
“Did you cheat on me, Gabriella?”
I didn’t have to look up to know Paxton was above me. The quiet words lingered above my head, and I looked up. I could barely see him. A silhouette in front of a moon. I leaned against a stone post and looked up.
“I don’t know, Paxton.”
“Something happened.”
“I’m afraid so, but I swear I don’t know what. Tell me what you know.”
“I don’t know anything. I only speculate.”
“Can I come up?”
“Suit yourself.”
I didn’t wait for a formal invitation. If Paxton was even close to opening up, I would take it. Once I peeked in on both my sleeping angels I started up the stairs, stopping at the bottom. I needed a drink for this one.
A shot of rum, a half a shot of apricot brandy, a splash of lemon, pineapple juice, and Galliano thrown quickly into two glasses and I had a drink. A damn good drink. How did I know how to do that? I was rather good if I said so myself.
“Thought you changed your mind,” he said from the top step.
I replied back with a smile and one word. “Drinks.”
“You don’t drink.”
“Stop saying that. I don’t know how I lived with you for six years without drinking. I’m lucky I didn’t do more than that. Here, try it.”
I heard a heavy sigh when he took it and walked back to his room. I followed behind feeling like I always did when he did that. Beneath him. To my surprise he stopped and let me walk in front of him. Our eyes met when I stepped around him, smelling the scent of his cologne.
“Outside?” I questioned over my shoulder.
“Yes, I always sit out there before I go to bed.”
“Me too.”
Paxton snickered behind me. “Yes, I know. I watch you.”
I walked straight to the stone wall. I loved the view from Paxton’s room. Morning or night, it was beautiful. Paxton walked with me, but he faced the house.
His ankles crossed and he sipped his drink. “This is very good. What is it?”
“I have no idea, but I feel like it’s something. Like I craved it. The mixture of ingredients are too complex for something just thrown together.” I went out on a ledge and did something daring. Like I had on the beach. I took a long drink and moved between his legs. He uncrossed his ankles and let me move in close. I did. I leaned right into his crotch, keeping our torsos at distance and stared into his eyes.
“Tell me. What is it you think I did?”
“You already know.”
“Lane?”
“Yup.”
“But what happened? Why do you think that?”
Paxton took another drink and spit it out. “Did you know Candace hired a private detective a couple weeks before your accident?”
“No, Paxton. I don’t know any of this.” If he only knew how this felt. How having no recollection of a past with him messed with my mind. Maybe he would understand more.
“Yeah, she sent me a text message a couple days ago. She had something she wanted to show me.”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I told her I didn’t want to see it right now. That I had enough going on without adding to it.”
“And that’s it? She let it go?”
“Sort of. Other than she was rude to you. I knew what happened. She confronted you, didn’t she?”
“No, not at all. I overheard them talking. Was that the sudden change? She liked me before Saturday.”
That drink almost finished it off. Paxton wiped his mouth and set his glass on the banister behind him. His hands pulled my waist toward him more, and he stood. Warm lips met my shoulder when his hands slid down my robe.
“She put a hold on everything after your accident. The investigator wanted to be paid whether she wanted what he had or not. She just received the package a few days ago.”
My eyebrows went up with the heavy sigh. “Well, that explains why she canceled our lunch, and why she’s been avoiding me. I don’t know what to say, Paxton. Do you think she has proof?”
“I’m guessing so, but you know what?”
“What?”
“I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to know, and I don’t want you remember. It’s going to change things. I won’t want you, Gabriella.”
“This might stun you a little, but I’m okay with that. I’m sure these last few weeks have only been the tip of what I have endured from you. If you want to know, go look. But if I did do that, you think about one thing. Why did I do it?”
“I’ve thought about it every day since I saw you with him.”
The shock on my face matched the surprising words from my mouth. “You saw us together? Where?”
I tried to stand up straight but Paxton wouldn’t let me. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and kissed my shoulder again.
“Down by the rocks.”
“What did you see?”
“He had his arms around you and you had your face buried in his chest. I think you were crying.”
Well, that’s not what I thought would come out of his mouth. “Maybe it was something else then. Maybe we weren’t having an affair.”
“Women don’t let men hold them like that without feeling involved. You’ve never let me hold you like that. You’ve never cried on my shoulder the way you did Lane’s.”
I did pull away that time. “Are you for real. You hate me. You won’t let me get close to you.”
“I’ve never hated you. Dam it, Gabriella. We had an agreement. This was never supposed to be this. Whatever this is between us. I never wanted to hold you, and wipe away your tears. That’s not how it was supposed to be.”
I didn’t speak a word. All I did was stand there. Bewildered. Paxton sidestepped me and ran his fingers through his hair.
“It’s this fucking accident. You were with him for three fucking hours before you wrecked. Weren’t you Gabriella? Did you fuck him that day? Was that what had your attention in the middle of a goddamn hurricane?”
This was the part I hated most. No matter what I said, Paxton wouldn’t understand. Nobody could understand. I was being accused of things, horrible things that I didn’t remember. But, I didn’t know where the blame should be pointed. I felt bad, but I didn’t know what for. For coming between Candace and Lane? For cheating on Paxton? For losing my memory. I didn’t know what I was supposed to fill bad for, and there was no way to explain that to Paxton. He couldn’t understand it. I didn’t understand it. Not even a little.
Paxton ran both hands through his hair again, pulled with two fists, and groaned. His hands dropped to his waist and his words softened.
“I thought we were invincible. I thought we had a good thing going. Something nobody could touch. Something most men only dream about. I fucking had it, Gabriella, and you fucked it up.”
“You’re not talking about Lane anymore, are you?” I asked while taking one cautious step toward him.
“Not even a little.” His voice changed to a defeated tone and a heavy sigh. I took another step. “It’s this, Gabriella. You don’t come to me. I come to you.”
Another step and quiet words.
“I want to come to you, Pax. I don’t know what I did with Lane, but I know I don’t want to be in his arms. I want you.”
“But you didn’t before. Why now?”
“I don’t know. I know you’re tired of hearing that, but I don’t. I can’t answer that, and I’m not sure I ever will.”
Paxton’s lips crushed hard into mine. A fervent kiss full of emotion. My robe went to the concrete and my ass went to the cold wall. He slid into me with ease and I felt every inch. We kissed with deep emotion, passion rising like the tide. I barely noticed when he leaned me backward, pressing his lips to my chest. I trusted him. I may not have at one time, but right there in that moment, I did. I trusted him with my life. He wouldn’t let me fall.
I swore the night before after the fourth or fifth orgasm that I never wanted another one. I did. I wanted it more than anything, and I wanted to experience it with him.
There was something there. Something neither of us could deny. If Paxton didn’t feel what I felt when we touched, when we kissed, and when we made love, there was something seriously wrong with him. It was there. He had to feel it, too.
Angry words were spoken while he pumped, in and out of me. “Fuck, Gabriella. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I didn’t want this. This is so fucked up. I didn’t want this.”
“Hmm, okay,” I moaned while moving his thumb to my aching nub. I moved it into me, directing him to keep up the momentum in small circles. He growled like a bear, but did it. “Ahh, yes, baby. Right there. Hmm,” I whimpered with an arched back.
Paxton pulled me to his body and slid out of me. Damn. “Get up here before I drop you.” For a second I thought we were going to bed. We weren’t. Paxton spun me toward the ocean and resumed his positon. That was magical. Paxton took me from behind while I stared out to the endless ocean. The euphoric conditions were as enchanted as the moon, and I may have been in love. Jesus. I was in love with Paxton.
I never left Paxton’s arms that night. I slept close to his chest the entire night. We made love again before we got up, and then I saw him off to work at the door. Another page turned. Another breaking point. Maybe. Hopefully. We’d see. After the last couple months I’d had, I needed a break.
“What are you doing?” Paxton asked with an aggressive tone and a smile.
I tugged on the hem of his T-shirt and stood on the tips of my toes. “I’m seeing you off to work. Let me be nice.”
Paxton wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me to him with a handful of bare ass. He didn’t speak again, but he did kiss me goodbye. That was something. That was a lot for Paxton.
The neighborhood looked gloomy with a gray haze, hovering above. I watched the black truck until I couldn’t see it anymore and closed the door.
Life suddenly became about us after that day. Paxton, me, Rowan, and Phi. I still let Paxton have the control. Mostly, but on my terms. I never saw my neighbor friends, and they never reached out to me. Not that I expected them to or anything. I’m sure had the tables been turned, I would have felt the same way. There was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Something happened between Lane and me. Candace had the proof, and the other girls hated me. I couldn’t help that, and I couldn’t fix it. I didn’t even remember it.
I wished it didn’t happen, but it did. The more things about me opened up, the more I didn’t like me. Not the me from before. If I cheated on Paxton it was for good reason, and I’m not sure I felt guilty for that. I did however feel bad for Candace. I really liked her, and I really did feel like we were friends. Nonetheless, things seemed to be okay between Paxton and me. For the first time since I’d forgotten my name, I felt happy. Like things were going to be okay.
I was happy without friends. I had all the friends I needed in my family. My two little Clydes would be loyal to the end, Paxton was debatable, but I was okay with that. Things changed after my accident, and there was nothing I could do about that, and I was tired of looking back. I just wanted to leave it all behind and move forward, and that’s exactly what I did. I stopped worrying about my past and who I was before. All I could do was be a better person now. From this point forward.
