Текст книги "Suit"

Автор книги: Jettie Woodruff

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter Fifteen

 

 

Paxton was in the shower when I entered the bathroom. I sat my drink on the sink and gathered the clothes that he’d tossed on the floor. Right next to the hamper. His phone and wallet were still in his jeans. I placed them on the counter and leaned against the vanity.

“I didn’t do anything to disobey you, Paxton,” I called over the water.

Paxton stuck his head out and I could see the anger practically steaming from his ears. “Get the fuck out of here. I’ll deal with you later.”

“No. Stop doing that. I can’t live like that, Paxton. I don’t know anyone who could. You gotta let me have one of the reigns. If you want this to work, you have to let me have a say in a few things around here, too. I don’t think that’s asking for too much.”

Again, he stuck his head out. “Get the fuck out of here. Now, Gabriella.”

I sighed and took my drink. He watched as I downed the last of it and sashayed toward him. “Kill him with kindness” rang in my head. A soft voice. My mother.

“I’m going to leave you alone, but don’t be mad at me. I didn’t do anything to be vindictive to you. I’m sorry,” I said with a quick peck to his wet lips. He kissed me back, but instantly pulled away, confusion in his green eyes. I walked out, swinging my hips to entice him.

The girls did an amazing job cleaning up, and they didn’t even fight. Rowan was busy scooping the little bit of leftover casserole into a glass bowl with a lid while Rowan placed silverware, neatly into the dishwasher. Each utensil with its own compartment.

“I have the best little girls in the entire world. Thank you, Row-row.”

“And me, too. I put the salad away. See?” Ophelia pointed out her good deed, desperately seeking the same attention.

“Wow! Thank you, love. You did an amazing job. Both of you. Let’s all go find pajamas and go get settled for the movie.”

“Can we have popcorn, too?”

I laughed at both girls when they said the exact same thing at the exact same time. Just like Izzy and I used to do. I couldn’t even think about that yet. It made my head hurt too much. That memory, or whatever the hell it was, got tossed to the back of my mind. Paxton was what stood prominent. Right smack dab in front.

“Yes, we’ll have popcorn, but later. Go on. Find your jammies. I would get a long nightgown or pants. It’s freezing in there,” I said while I poured another drink and finished cleaning up.

“Aren’t you going to wear pajamas, too?” Rowan asked as she handed me another plate for the dishwasher.

“I’ll find something. Run along now,” I said with a pat to her butt. I already knew what was in my pajama drawer. Nothing. Skimpy panties that went up my ass. I had comfortable clothes I could wear, but I sort of wanted to stay in my jeans and heels. I kind of liked the way Paxton looked at me when I walked. It was my ass in the jeans. It had to be. Even I stopped to look at myself when I passed the glass doors, or the mirror in the hall. I’d do me.

I poured two more drinks for Paxton and me, and grape juice for the girls. My attention went to the buzzing on the table, and my phone vibrating twice. I walked toward it, but Paxton beat me to it. Our eyes locked and he swiped his thumb across the screen, eyes bouncing quickly over the words.

“No,” he said before dropping the phone back on the table.

I picked it up and read the text message from Candace, wanting to do lunch tomorrow. I didn’t say anything in response, thinking I’d text her back later. I examined Paxton with my drink, sipping the contents with a snarl.

“What is this shit? You don’t make mixed drinks, and we don’t really drink like this.”

“It’s something I made up. Cranberry juice, Sprite, Grey Goose, and frozen pineapple juice.  I like making them, and we don’t drink every day. I had a rough day.”

Paxton took a sip of my mixed drink with a refreshing sigh. I might have put a little more alcohol in his, hoping to mellow him out some. “Yeah, we’ll talk about that later. Don’t plan my evening for me before you talk to me. I don’t have time for a movie. I needed to work.”

I carefully watched him stroll toward me, eyes never breaking contact with his. His hair was damp and uncombed, and his T-shirt stuck to his body. The smell of his cologne reached me before he did. Intoxicating. “It’s almost seven. You’ve worked all day.”

“You look hot in these jeans. How come you didn’t dress like this before? And you hate lipstick.”

“I do?”

I slipped my arm around his shoulder and he made a funny expression as if it wasn’t normal for me to do such a thing. I guess I used to be just a robot before. Evidently, I never felt anything. I tilted my head to the side and admitted the truth. “I don’t remember. Maybe you could tell me how I dressed before.”

“Not like this. Not hot. I had to make you wear lipstick, and you pretty much lived in jean shorts and tee-shirts.”

“Really? That doesn’t feel like me.”

“It was. You’re in so much fucking trouble,” Paxton said with warm words to my lips. I sensed something unusual in Paxton’s touch at that very moment. The way he held my ribs gently with both hands felt different. I don’t know how, but it did. His fingers softly ran up my arms and to my neck. His touch was special. It didn’t feel threatening like it had before. His fingers folded around my throat and his lips met mine. My body tingled clear to the tips of my toes. Our mouths opened and our tongues searched each other out. Desperately.

“Jesus Christ, Gabriella. What the fuck happened to us?” Paxton panted with sultry words.

I had no response. Instead, I kissed him. Deep and hard. Fervently showing how much I wanted him with every touch. His fingers tightened around my throat and he kissed me back, letting a soft moan hum in my mouth.

“Eww, stop doing that,” Ophelia said with a hand between both of us. She shoved us apart and lifted her arms for her dad.

“What? You don’t like it when Daddy kisses Mommy?” he teased with stiff fingers digging into her ribs. She cackled and lunged forward. Paxton pretended to let her fall to the floor and caught her right before she hit.

“Well, you didn’t do it before she come home,” Rowan said while her arms too went into the air. Paxton tossed Ophelia over his shoulder and grabbed her up, too. They both squealed, upside down as he walked them to the theater.

I stared after them feeling heavy hearted. That’s the only words I know how to describe it. Heavy. Like a bomb being filled with more and more. One that would eventually go off. Filled to capacity. An explosion. A deadly eruption.

A dense sigh slipped through my lips and I gathered the girls’ cups. Shaking it off seemed to be what I did best. Blow it off. Compartmentalize it. That’s what I did. The only problem was, I never got back to them. I ignored them. Filled the ticking bomb even more.

“Where’s my drink?” Paxton questioned as he reached for both the cups from my hand.

My eyes shifted to the screen on the wall and back to his. “You mean the drink you don’t like?”

“I like it,” he said in some sort of high-pitched tone. He cleared his throat and said it again.

I blew out a puff of air with my crooked smile and winked at him. “I’ll get your drink.”

I did get it. I topped his off with a little more vodka and fixed myself another one. Drunk sex sounded like the perfect punishment for my disobedience.

As much as I loved my girls, I didn’t want to sit between them during the movie. I wanted Paxton on one side of me. They weren’t having it. They both insisted on sitting next to me. One on each side.

I snuck out once to get popcorn and filled our drinks, hoping to sneak in beside Paxton. That didn’t work. Both girls whined simultaneously for me to sit beside them. I sighed and took my same position. Paxton placed his hand on the back of my neck and massaged. Not a mean kind of touch, either. This was gentle. Like he wanted me. Like he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

The next trip to the kitchen finished off my pitcher of mixed drinks. Again, I topped Paxton’s off with more alcohol and a squirt of lemon. The lemon was to mask a little bit of the vodka. I didn’t mean to get that much. Well, maybe I did. Drunk Paxton seemed like the better choice for later.

“What?” I questioned when Paxton reached for my glass. The one with a quarter of liquor.

“I want yours.”

“Shh, Daddy. This is my favorite part,” Rowan complained while shushing us.

I gripped the glass firmly, but Paxton wouldn’t let go. His eyes darting to Rowan warned me that the cup was about to end up on her head. I had no choice but to let go. “That’s what I thought. Drink up, love,” he said in an arrogant tone.

I didn’t want to drink up. I’d already had three. I didn’t need a stronger one to finish me off. I was already drunk. The next twenty minutes were spent with me trying to digest the very strong drink. Epic fail on my part. Paxton whispered for me to keep going every time he wanted me to take a drink.

The time on the bottom of the projector told me we still had twenty-nine minutes of the movie left. I didn’t even know what it was about. Between the passion searing between Paxton and me, his hand down the front of my shirt, resting on my chest, and the alcohol, I needed them to go to bed. I had a punishment to endure.

My lips barely touched him. I turned my head and kissed the inside of his wrists. Paxton’s arm stilled and then he stood.

“We’ll be right back. Keep watching,” he said to both girls while taking my hand.

They barely acknowledged him. Phi told him to move while her head darted around him. The princess was just about to escape after the clock struck twelve. He was making her miss the best part. Rowan didn’t recognize that he even spoke. The prince was about to lose the love of his life. Geesh. What was he thinking?

Paxton kept my hand until we were in the hall. As soon as the door was closed I was thrown against the adjacent wall. My leg wrapped around his waist when his lips crashed with mine.  I could tell we were sliding down the wall. Sort of. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure until the door opened.

“Happy? I’m drunk,” I said while my fingers fumbled with my own button. Drunk sex in the bathroom while the girls watched a movie. Mother of the year award went to me and I didn’t care. I was drunk and horny. Extremely horny.

I toed off my shoes and slid my jeans over my hips. Paxton kept me against the door and kissed me. Everywhere. His hands never even left my body. Not even when I bent to get my jeans from around my ankles. He grabbed a fistful of hair and removed his hard cock to my mouth. Only I turned my head. He tried to turn it back and I climbed up his body with soft kisses, moving up his chest.

“No way, husband. You’re fucking me,” I said with direct orders. Right to his lips. I did stroke him in my hand, balls and all while I dove my tongue back to his mouth.

Paxton spun me, slamming my hands hard against the door. His body molded with mine and I pressed my naked back into his chest. My heart beat in my ears as my body surrender to ecstasy. Paxton Pierce was my drug of choice. Pure, exotic, ecstasy.

He kicked out on my good foot and I spread my legs more, giving him full access to whatever he wanted. Wherever he wanted it. The heated air stuck to my lungs when he slid his hardness through my slippery folds. Five seconds of that would have been all I needed.

The grip on my hair tightened and hot words burned my ear. “Shut your fucking mouth. You don’t talk like that, and you don’t call the shots. You got it?”

“No, stop,” I protested when he penetrated my ass. I squeezed the cheeks of my ass closed when he didn’t listen. “Paxton, no. I’m not doing that.”

“You don’t decide that, but just for the record, I wasn’t going to go there. Not right now anyway.”

“Will you just shut up and put it in me. The girls are right next door.”

“Shut up, Gabriella. Just shut your fucking mouth. You don’t lead this. I do.” he said with gritty words, trumping my “shut up” with his own.

I didn’t shut up. I moaned, pain mixing with pleasure. Paxton bent me at the waist a little and slid into me. Fast and hard.

My hand landed on the patch of hair right above his glorious shaft. “Paxton, it hurts. I can’t do this yet.”

He stopped and pulled out. I turned and watched him stroke his cock, glistening from my arousal. Jesus. God. He was sexy.

“Walk to me, slut.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. “I don’t like that, Pax. I feel like you’re degrading me when you say stuff like that.”

“Fuck this, Gabriella. I am. That’s exactly what I am doing. Stop with the whole fucking Pax thing. I’m sick of this shit. Enough already. Now walk your slut ass over here to me. Now.”

“Fine. Where would you like me, master?”

“That’s my good little slut. Can you put your weight on the counter? Will that hurt too much?”

I walked to the counter with soft white towels and bent over, eyes staying on the pink roses in the corner of the top towel. I closed my eyes and swallowed away a sudden burn in my throat when he moved into me.

“Does it matter?”

Paxton slid in and out of me with his hands on my hips. “Of course it matters. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You just did,” I said in a quiet mundane tone.

His hips stopped moving briefly and then he continued. I felt violated and hurt. My emotions were getting tangled in a web of something I didn’t want. Something my heart couldn’t take. I was wrong. The feelings I thought we shared between us were nothing more than a false fantasy. Paxton would never love me. Not like I wanted him to.

The drunk desire to climax was replaced with something else to store away in my fucked-up brain. I’d get back to that later. Paxton fucked me rough from behind, grunting and driving into me fast. A couple times he pulled my hair back so I would look at him through the mirror. My eyes stayed on the satin rose. Down.

He was quick about it. He gave it to me deep from behind and then spewed his poison on my back. I waited, still suffering some sort of brokenness, feeling his warm, sticky substance run down the crack of my ass. I still didn’t look at him, and I didn’t move a muscle when he pushed into the pucker in my ass. My eyes squeezed closed and he recanted.

“You can go to bed. I’ll tend to the girls.” And just like that. Paxton was gone. I knew it wasn’t an offer. It was an order, but I didn’t care. I’d go to bed just to get away from him. Ten minutes before I would have drowned in his come. Now I just wanted it off me. I wanted him off me.

I would love to say that it remained that way. That I was able to turn it off and stop living in a fantasy world. I couldn’t. Even when he treated me like a slut, I wanted him.

Paxton didn’t punish me anymore that night, but he did make me cry. Of course, I never let him see that. I had just crawled into bed and turned off the lights, ready to put that day in the past. I debated on opening my tablet or not, unsure of adding any more fuel to the fire. Some of my poems ran deep and left me feeling lost and lonely.

I turned my head toward his dark silhouette without a word. He didn’t speak, either. He moved in beside me and I rolled to my side. That’s when my soul gave way, betraying me for him. My back leaned into his chest and my eyes closed with his kiss to my head.

“I’ve always called you a slut behind closed doors, Gabriella.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. And I let you.”

“You did. It worked for us. For what we both needed. You have everything to suit your needs, and I have you. My slut, to suit mine.”

I pondered his words with a deep breath. “I don’t know that I’m okay with that anymore, Paxton. I’m not that person anymore. I’m not Gabriella.” That part stung my chest like a bee. One quick stab, reminding me that it wasn’t a lie. To me anyway.

“I’m not okay with it anymore. I’m not okay with these girls running around like chickens with their heads cut off for no reason. I’m not okay with eating fatty bacon and chicken from a bone. I’m not okay with any of this, Paxton. I’m not so sure we shouldn’t separate for a while. Work through things on our own for once,” I said. That’s when I swiped away a tear. Just in time.

Paxton spun me to my back and placed his hand around my throat. That time was meant to be feared. I feared it. “Yeah? Where you gonna go, slut. You got money to live on? You think you’re ever going to see Rowan or Ophelia again? Go ahead and try it. Like I’ve told you a million times, I’ll kill you first. Do you understand me, Gabriella?”

I nodded in agreement with a breath held in my lungs. The angered tone told me not to push anymore buttons. I could tell when to stop. Now was that time.

Paxton smiled with a smirk and moved his fingers between my legs. I was a ghost that night. I bent over his lap like a good little slut and endured nine slaps to my ass. That was the most he’d ever given me at one time. Maybe it was because of my reaction. Maybe he didn’t expect my reaction to be so blah. I stiffened a little with every blow, but not once did I writhe my hips into his fingers. I wanted to. I wanted to shove my ass back, moan, and beg for more, but I didn’t.

I didn’t even care that the sounds of my arousal were a dead giveaway. I wasn’t about to give him the time of day. Fuck him. I did everything I was told to do, moved in every pretzel position I was told, sucked his dick when I was told, and then swallowed him. Not once did I acknowledge that I was into any of it. I was a ghost.

“Follow the rules tomorrow. I’ll have roast for supper,” Paxton said while shaking his softening dick on my lips.

“Yes, sir,” I smartly replied. Not another word was spoken between us. I even lifted my ass to help with my chastity belt. I didn’t care about that either. I had zero desire to get off. That longing passed when I swallowed him. I knew it was my punishment for being disobedient, but I didn’t care. I knew without a doubt that I would be disobeying the very next day. I wasn’t about to chase things to do with the girls. They had enough to do right there.

I showered again, needing to wash him away, but it didn’t work. His scent coated my pillow, filling my nostrils with his aroma. I tossed the tainted pillow to the floor, but that didn’t help either. He still lingered there, in my mind and in my bed. I rolled to my side with a deep sigh, and closed my eyes, praying for peace. I wasn’t sure I would ever figure this man out, and truth be known, I wasn’t sure I had it in me to try anymore.

 

~~

 

“I want to call my sister. It’s her birthday. Sherry said I could talk to her today,” I complained to Ms. Porter.

She brushed me off with a wave of her hand. “Get the fuck out of my way. That bitch don’t care about you. People lie. People always lie. Now move the hell out the front of my television.”

“I’m going to walk there,” I threatened with a stomp to the wooden floor.

Ms. Porter laughed at me. “Go for it. Your pretty little ass won’t make it to the corner without getting fucked in an alley.”

Even at the age of twelve I knew what that meant, and she was right. I wouldn’t walk past the school bus stop by myself. Had it not been for my neighbor, Falcon, I wouldn’t go there either.

Falcon was five years older than me, but he didn’t go to school anymore. He’d dropped out at sixteen. He looked out for me. He knew that a dark little white girl shouldn’t be lurking around that neighborhood. Nobody should; especially a vulnerable twelve year old with nobody to report her missing. Falcon told me about men in shiny black cars, luring young girls away from the hood. Pretty young girls like me not easily missed.

It was enough for me to ground myself inside the house. Sometimes I’d go out and sit on the stoop, but that’s as far as I went.

I stomped out to the stoop and dropped to the top step.

“Watcha doin’ out here,” Falcon said from the next porch. I looked left, toward the row of houses to his face. A thick strand of smoke lingered above his head. The pipe and the smell told me it wasn’t a cigarette. 

“It’s my birthday, and my sister’s birthday. They told me I could call her. They said I could talk to her,” I said with tears streaming down my face, sucking in hot Florida air. My heart hurt so much. I missed her so much, and there was nothing I could do.

“Who tell you that?”

“The social worker, and Ms. Porter. It’s almost four o’clock and I still didn’t get to talk to her?”

“Today your birthday? How old you be?”

“Twelve, and Gabby’s twelve, too.”

“Gabby? What the fuck you talking about, girl?”

Falcon hoped to the wobbling banister and to my side. That’s how close the houses were to each other. A hop and a jump.

“I mean, Izzy. My sister is Izzy. Izabella. We’re twins.”

“Where yo mama?”

“She died from drugs. She fell off a fire escape.”

“Why you not with yo sister?”

“They wouldn’t let us. Nobody would take both of us. She’s in Michigan, but they said they’d let us talk. They don’t,” I said while more tears streamed down my face. I just wanted my sister. My other half. Nobody cared about us. Nobody cared how much we needed each other. I thought Falcon did. My kind black neighbor.

“I can get you a phone call with her,” he said in a low tone.

My heart beat out of my chest, and I straightened my posture, yelling with excitement. “You can?

“Of course I can, but you gotta do something for me, too. You get your thing yet. The period thing. My bros say once a girl gets that, she a woman.”

“Um, yeah, a couple months ago,” I replied with rosy red cheeks. Oh, my God. Why would he say something like that? I didn’t want to talk about blood coming out of my vag with him. Good Lord!

Needless to say, I became the property of Falcon. I did things with him that I’m not proud of, and I never talked to my sister. He always promised he was getting closer every time he coaxed me into his room. Falcon controlled my life for three consecutive years. Up until he got life without the possibility of parole. A convenience store robbery gone bad on the south side of town. I never did hear all the details. Ms. Porter couldn’t get her nose out of American Idol long enough to see anything. Her and those stupid reality shows.

I guess I didn’t really care to know. A father and two little boys were killed. I knew that much. The gruesome details weren’t needed. A guy in the gang they called Blade, tried like hell to step into Falcon’s shoes. I wouldn’t let him. I stayed away. I went to school and came home. That’s it. I didn’t have friends because the only ones that wanted to be my friend were either part of a gang, or on drugs. I stopped being the cheerful little girl, full of life, energy, and happiness, and drowned. I drowned every day in the same, sad misery.

Ms. Porter wasn’t much better than Falcon, but at least she was safe. I spent my life after my twin, trying like hell to forget her. I became more and more introverted, realizing all the lies my mother told. You couldn’t escape life with a vision of a better one. It always came back. As soon as your eyes opened. Real life was there. The cold hard truth.