Текст книги "The Redemption of Callie and Kayden"

Автор книги: Jessica Sorensen

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

kids.” He smiles. “They kicked ass on the field too.”

I know right then and there that I’ve made the right choice

by telling him first. He’s looking past the fact that Kayden beat

Caleb and maybe that’s because he’s looked a little deeper into

the situation.

“I have to tell you something.” I clear my throat. “And it’s

going to be kind of hard, not just for me to tell you, but it’s going to be hard to hear.”

“Okay…” He’s puzzled and uncertain, which it is

understandable.

I take a few deep breaths and then I take some more, until I

feel like I’m going to pass out. And then I stop breathing all

together. You better not fucking tell, or I swear I’ll hurt you. I clutch the clover hanging on my neck in my hand, needing to hold on to

a part of Kayden so I can have strength and courage. “You

remember my twelfth birthday?”

This seems to confuse him even more, his head slanting

slightly to the side, his blue eyes getting a little squinty and his

forehead scrunching up as he assesses me. “Yeah… didn’t you have

a party?”

Pressing my lips together, I nod. “And there were a lot of

people there.”

“You know how your mother likes a show,” he says with a

heavy sigh. “She’s always loved her parties and get-togethers.”

I nod again and then push forward before my pulse and my

thoughts can catch up with my voice. “Something bad happened

to me… that day.” My thoughts drift back to when he pinned me

down and I start to shake. Please get off me. It hurts. I’m breaking.

Please. Help me. Help me. Help…

He sits up straighter and scoots forward in his chair, like he’s

about to go kick someone’s butt or something. I don’t want him

to, though. I just want him to know.

“Dad, please stay calm when I tell you this.” I fidget with the

bottom of my coat, unzipping the pockets and then zipping them

back up, and then I return my hand to the clover. “I need you to

just stay calm.”

His fists clench on his lap. “I’ll try my best, but no promises.

Callie honey, you’re really scaring me.”

“I’m sorry.” I run my hand down my face and then up it,

drawing my hood off my head as I remember how I felt that day. I

wish I were invisible. I wish I didn’t exist. I want to die. The room lightens up a little as the clouds part from the sun just outside the window. I grip onto the clover and grasp onto the feeling Kayden

has given me. “I was raped.” Just like that it’s out there, in the air, for him to hear, like tearing off a Band-Aid, lifting skin, wounds,

everything with it because there’s no way to prepare anyone for

this.

My father stares at me for an eternity and a thousand

emotions rush across his expression: wrath, rage, frustration, pain.

Then he does something I’ve never seen him do. He starts to cry.

He’s sobbing hysterically, with his head hung in his hands, and I

don’t know what to do, so I stand up, cross the room, and throw

my arms around him.

He keeps crying, but my eyes stay dry. I’ve cried enough over

the last few years and I really don’t feel like shedding anymore.

* * *

The conversation with my mother doesn’t go as well as it did

with my dad, especially when I have to tell her who did it.

“No, no, no,” she keeps saying, like if she repeats it enough

the denial will be real. She keeps tapping her feet against the

ground as she sits in the chair in front of the window. “It didn’t

happen… There’s no way…” But every time she looks at me, I know

she knows it’s true. She’s probably going through every detail of

my past, when I chopped off my hair, started hiding out in my

room all the time, when I changed my wardrobe to “hoodlum

clothes,” as she put. She’s probably thinking about when I stopped

talking to almost everyone. When I stopped crying. When I

stopped living.

We’re in the living room, sitting on the couches. My father is

next to me, close, like he thinks he can still protect me from

everything bad in the world. Jackson left the house right after I

took my dad out of the room so he doesn’t know yet, but I wonder

what he’ll do when he finds out—if he’ll believe me or take his best

friend’s side.

“Yes, it did,” I say, surprised by the strength in my voice. “You

were outside and everyone was playing hide-and-seek. And he…

Caleb told me he had a present. He took me into my room and

then… and then it happened.”

She’s shaking her head over and over again and my dad

starts crying again. “There must be a mistake. I wish it were a

mistake.”

“It’s not,” I say simply. “It happened and here I am telling

you… I really wish… I really wish I could say it was a mistake,

though. But wishes are just wishes, Mom. I know that.”

She keeps tucking her hair into place and smoothing the

wrinkles from her sweating, like she needs to fix something. “Why

didn’t you tell us when it happened, Callie? I don’t understand.”

I’m not sure she ever will. My mother loathes dark, ugly

things that exist in the word and her defense has always been to

ignore them. And now her daughter is telling her that these dark,

ugly things have been living in her house, eating her food, smiling

at her, charming her, and slowly killing her daughter.

“Shame… guilt… fear,” I say, trying to explain the best I can,

focusing on my pulse and the feel of the metal of the clover as it

rests against the hollow of my neck. “The sheer fact that saying it

aloud makes it real.”

“Damn it!” My dad pounds his fist on the armrest and then

pounds it into the wall, making my mom and me jump. His eyes

are red and his skin is pale. “I’m going to fucking kill him!”

“No, you’re not, Dad,” I say, shaking my head as I touch his

arm, trying to calm him down. “Killing him will get you nowhere

but in jail. I don’t want you to go to jail.”

Tear streams from his eyes and it’s so strange to see. I watch

them fall onto his lap as he says, “Is that why he did it? Kayden?”

I nod my head once. “He wanted to make him pay… for what

he did. And it was… it was the only way he could think of to do it.”

My dad rises to his feet and shadows over me. He’s not that

large of a man—medium build and height—but right now he

seems enormous. “Oh, he’s going to pay. I’m going to call the

police.”

I jump up and grab his arm, wrapping my fingers firmly

around his elbows. “You can’t… It won’t do any good… It’s been

too long dad.”

My mother starts to bawl, taking hysterical breathes as she

buries her face into her hands. “This is so wrong… This can’t be

happening… Oh my God…”

“But it is,” I say, and she stares at me through her tears.

“Sorry, but it’s the truth.”

“How can you be so calm?” Her voice is wobbly. “I don’t

understand.”

“I’m not that calm,” I correct her as my hand leaves my dad’s

arm. “I’m just… I’m just trying to move on. Besides…” My eyebrows

knit as I realize how strong I’m being at the moment. “I’ve been

weak for long enough and I don’t want to crumble anymore.”

She takes her phone out of her pocket and starts punching

away at buttons. “This is so ridiculous. This is not happening. No, it can’t… It can’t…”

“Mom, what are you doing?” I ask, and when she doesn’t

answer, I trade a questioning glance with my father.

He wipes the tears away from his eyes with the back of his

hand. “Honey, I think the texting can be put on hold for a

moment.”

She shakes her head and she hits the last button. “I’m telling

Jackson to come home.”

“Why?” I ask warily.

“Because he’s part of this… this… this… I don’t even know

what this is.” Tears flow from her eyes and drip to her lap, staining her slacks. Her eyes are swollen, and if she keeps crying, she won’t

be able to see.

I glance up my dad. “She doesn’t need to cry, Dad… Help her

stop.”

He pats my arm in a comforting gesture. “She’s upset.” His

jaw tightens and he looks at me. I wonder what he sees. “And so

am I. No, I’m fucking pissed. This is such bullshit. All this time…

under our roof…” He starts muttering incoherently under his

breath, the veins in his neck bulging. He paces the floor and I

stand there in front of the couch and watch the madness unfold

like a building getting knocked down.

Finally, my mom gets up and crosses the room, heading for

the doorway with a determined look on her face. “That’s it…”

“Where are you going?” I chase after her. “Mom?”

She dabs her eyes with the bottom of her sweater. “I need to

do something… I need to fix this somehow… I just need a minute.”

Shaking my head, I position myself in front of her with my

hands out to the side. “You can’t fix it, Mom. It happened. There’s

nothing you can do about, except for be my mom right now.”

She analyzes my face for a moment and then returns to

crying again, throwing her arms around me. It’s been forever since

I let her hug me and I stand awkwardly, telling her it will be okay.

When her eyes dry, she backs up into the chair, with her face in her

hands and her shoulders hunched. The denial and the crying goes

on well into the late hours of the night. My dad starts yelling again, going on and on about how Caleb’s not going to get away with

this. There’s no conclusion at the end of the crying and ranting.

Caleb still raped me and six years have gone by while he walked

around getting away with it. There’s nothing that will change that,

not even from saying it out loud. But it changes me, alters my life

in an irreversible way. It shatters the chains around my wrists and

finally I’m free.

Jackson never does come home and I’m not sure what that

means. I eventually get up from the couch to leave the house,

despite my mother’s protests. She wants me to stay there and let

her cry over me while she figures everything out. She’s so

determined that she can erase it somehow, but I’m not naïve

enough to believe that’s possible. Besides, I’ve got somewhere else

I need to be—want to be. Someplace where I can be happy.

“Wait, Callie, please don’t go,” she begs, getting up from the

couch to follow me to the kitchen. “We can stay here and talk

about it some more.”

I shake my head as I walk for the door. “Mom, as much as I

know how you need to try and work through this, I’ve already

found a way to cope and I kind of need it right now.” I more than

need it actually. I have to be with him.

She keeps shaking her head and my dad gives me the keys

to the truck so I don’t have to walk and then tells me he’s still

going to call the police, just so they know. His eyes are red and

puffy and his lips are chapped. I tell him okay, because that’s what

he needs to hear at the moment. As I step out the door, I wonder

what will happen, if Caleb ever shows up again, if he was with

Jackson when my mother told him.

Once the door is shut behind me and I’m by myself, I spread

my hands to my side as I stand on the top of the porch,

underneath the light. The sky is clear, the stars twinkling against

the black backdrop. What will happen with my life? I don’t know.

But I’m eager to find out because for once I’m looking into my

future, not my past, and I smile at the endless possibilities.

Chapter 18

#65 Watch fireworks with someone you love

Kayden

“I still really wish I could have been there with you,” I say. It’s

been a couple of days since she told her parents and she seems

okay, stronger, more confident. But even though I’m glad she did

it, I wish I could have been with her, to support her, comfort her,

do whatever she needed.

We’re sitting outside on the hood of her father’s truck that’s

parked near the lake. There’s a New Year’s Eve party going on a

ways down and I can see the bonfire through the trees. The stars

are out and the sky is a little hazy but the moon shines full. It’s way below zero, and the trucks hood is glazed with snow, but we have

a blanket draped over us and the warmth of our bodies to keep us

warm. “I wanted to be there for you.”

“But I had to do it alone,” she says, staring at the sky.

“Besides, it’s over now and I’m ready to move on.”

When I’d woken up in the hotel room by myself, I’d nearly

panicked and the feeling multiplied when I read her note. She’d

gone to tell her parents what happened by herself. The idea of

Callie standing there telling them alone crushed me. I wanted to

be there with her, help her, comfort her, but in a way, I guess I

understood why she did it alone. I think Seth’s always been right.

She’s a lot stronger than she looks.

“How do you feel?” I ask her, wrapping my arms firmly

around her waist while she presses her cheek against my chest. I

get a whiff of her hair, strawberries and something else that’s only

Callie.

She considers my question in silence. “Weightless.”

I smile. “Me too.” I had my Monday appointment with Doug

yesterday and I feel even lighter than after our meeting at the café.

I wonder how much lighter I’ll feel down the road after more

therapy.

“There’s still so much stuff to deal with, though,” she adds,

turning her head so she can look up at me. “And I worry what

Caleb will do when he finds out I told.”

My muscles vine into blistering knots. “He’ll never hurt you. I

won’t let him.”

“I know you won’t,” she says, surprising me by how much she

trusts me. She nuzzles her face against my shoulder and her warm

breath seeps through my coat. “I think… I think we should try and

find your brother.”

“Dylan?” I tilt my chin down to look at her. “Why?”

She angles her face up and her lips are close enough for me

to kiss and the feel of her breath is comforting. “Because, I think

it’ll help you with your father… when you decide to press charges.”

I try to contain my breathing as I think about actually going

through with it. What if he gets mad? What if nothing happens and

he hunts me down and hurts me? What if he kills me? The idea of

death isn’t very settling anymore, which confounds me. “I’m not

sure if I can.”

She inhales and a sigh escapes her lips as she releases a

breath. “Yes, you can… I know you can.”

I’m uncertain if she should be so confident about my

confidence. “And what if I don’t? Will you…” I trail off, clenching my hands and then flexing my fingers, and then I shake out my hand.

“Will you still love me?”

She lowers her head back onto my chest and rotates onto

her back. “I’ll always love you.”

I breathe in the sound of the words and her voice and I have

to stop the tears that appear from the overpowering feeling it

sends through my body. I wish I could say it back to her. I even get

my lips to part, but no sound will come out. “I want to say it,” I say quietly.

She shakes her head. “Don’t. Only say it when you really

mean it.” She slides her hand down my chest and interlaces our

fingers on top of my stomach.

We breathe through the chilled air, underneath the stars,

listening to the sounds of laughter and music from the party.

Minutes later, the sky lights up with an explosion of colors. Every

year, this town puts on a huge firework show over the lake. When I

was a kid, I used to watch it, wondering what the hell the big deal

was. Fire in the sky. Okay. I didn’t get it. But now, lying here with her in my arms, it’s starting to make sense. Freedom. Things are

starting to make sense.

“Happy New Year,” I whisper to the air as sparks rain down

on the lake.

Callie

I’m having a moment. I’ve been having a lot of them lately.

The kind where everything connects: pieces puzzling together,

stars shining in sync, hearts beating rhythmically. Everything is

perfect and although I in no way believe that it will last, I’m going to cherish the moment forever.

“Happy New Year,” Kayden whispers underneath his breath

as fireworks boom and drift to the water in front of us.

“Happy New Year,” I reply, even though I am pretty sure he’s

just thinking aloud. I prop my chin up on his chest as fireworks

boom. “What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

He makes an outline around my lips as he contemplates my

question. One of his lean arms is tucked behind his head and his

hand is in mine. “To not think about the past.”

“That’s a great one,” I say with a smile. “Can I make it mine

too?”

A grin forms on his lips and he shifts his arm, moving his

hand out from behind his head. He holds out a fist in front of him.

“Pound on it.”

I contain a giggle as I remove my hand from his and move to

bump fists, but he pulls his hand back at the very last second and I

frown. “What’s wrong?”

He bites on his lip as he sits up and my head slides to his lap.

His eyes mirror the colorful fireworks as he lifts me up off his chest and then pushes on my shoulder until I’m lying on my back,

against the windshield. The frost nips against a spot of my skin on

my lower back where my shirt has ridden up but I don’t move as

he leans over me, propping an arm on each side of me. Lowering

his mouth toward mine, I wait in anticipation for him to kiss me,

but right as he’s there, right as our lips are about to make contact, he pauses.

“This is nice, right?” he asks and I nod, resisting the urge to

grab the collar of his shirt and jerk him down to me. “We should

make it a tradition for next year.”

My stomach flutters with a thousand enthusiastic butterflies

as I think about being with him for an entire year. “Okay.” I cross

my ankles over each other, trying to contain the nervous energy

created by the flush of our bodies.

“So we’re on for next year?” he checks, and I nod without any

contemplation. I know what I want and I’m not afraid to say it. No

more living in fear.

“Good,” he says and then leans in to kiss me, whispering,

“Thank you for saving me.”

“Thank you for saving me too,” I say, and seconds later his

lips engulf mine.

The fireworks explode and boom above our heads, vivid and

colorful against the dark sky, but I think about nothing but him.

Chapter 19

#11 Say good-bye and move on

Callie

The next two weeks are pretty uneventful. Between the road

trip, the recovery, and the confessions, Kayden and I are drained

and we spend the rest of our winter break avoiding our houses,

and hanging out in the hotel room, diner, or café as much as

possible. Seth and Luke hang out with us a lot too. It’s been

snowing quite a bit, but the air feels warm. My mom calls me every

morning and every night. At first I wouldn’t tell her where I was

staying, because I didn’t want her tracking me down, but then I

finally fessed up that I was staying with Kayden and Seth in a hotel

room.

She isn’t very happy about this, but I’m almost nineteen

years old, which is what I tell her.

“Callie Lawrence,” she says after I finally tell her. I’m sitting on

the hotel room’s bed in shorts and a T-shirt and Kayden is lying

behind me, making shapes on my lower back with his fingers.

Every once and a while, he hits a ticklish spot and I giggle.

“This isn’t funny,” my mom says, sounding irate.

I cover my mouth with my hand to stifle the uncontrollable

laughter. Once I settle down, I lower my hand to my lap. “I know,

Mom.”

“You need to come home… We need to talk about what

happened.” She sighs. “Callie, the police said they can’t do

anything about it and even if they could Caleb… he… No one

knows where he is still. Jackson thinks he might have taken off.”

“I already knew the police couldn’t do anything,” I tell her,

lying down on the bed beside Kayden. He has his boxers on with

no shirt and when he snuggles against me the warmth and

sturdiness of his chest soothes me. “And I’m not surprised about

Caleb.”

“But…” She’s frustrated and I hear something crash to the

ground. “Shit,” she curses—she’s been cursing a lot lately. “I broke

a damn cup.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, arching my back as Kayden draws hearts on

my spine, his hand drifting up my shirt to the area between my

shoulder blades.

“You don’t need to be sorry, sweetie,” she says and then

sighs. “It’s just a cup.”

As much as my mother and I have never gotten along, I have

to give her credit for how nice she’s being through all this. After

her meltdown, she’s been less teary eyed and she’s never once

tried to put the blame on me. Sometimes my thoughts wander

back to my twelfth birthday and my head fills with what-ifs. What if

I had told her then? What if I’d never had to suffer in silence for

the last six years? What if my life had been different? But I always

shove the thoughts right out of my head. What-ifs aren’t

important. I can’t go back through time and change things, but I

can move forward and create the life I want.

“Callie, did you hear me?” she asks, sounding a little

annoyed.

I blink away my thoughts. “Yeah… no… huh?”

Kayden snorts a laugh from behind me as he traces the

length of my spine. “You’re so going to get into trouble.” He

makes a silly airhead voice when he says it.

I reach back and pinch his arm and he laughs even harder.

“What, Mom?”

She sighs exhaustedly. “I said, have you thought about going

to that therapist friend of mine in Laramie when you get back to

school? I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I’m not sure… I’m worried what it might bring up if I do.”

“Callie, I think it’s important… after all the things you told

me… I think you need to get some help. I really wish you’d just

consider staying here with us and take a semester off.”

“I need to go back to school,” I say. “I need to move

forward.”

She gives an elongated pause. “Then please just go see the

therapist…” She’s on the verge of crying. “I need to know you’re

okay.”

I glance over my shoulder at Kayden. “I’m okay, Mom. But if

you really want me to go, then I will.”

“Good.” She sounds relieved. “And you call me every day.

And stop by here today before you leave.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“And you’ll call me whenever you need anything?”

“Yes.”

Kayden starts laughing hysterically, rolling away from me so

she won’t hear. I’ve told him how controlling she is and apparently

seeing it in action is humorous to him.

“Who is that?” my mom wonders. “The person on the

background who keeps laughing?”

Craning my neck, I peek over my shoulder at him and he

smiles. “Kayden.”

“Oh.” She pauses and I hear clicking in the background, like

she’s tapping her fingernails on top of the counter. “Callie… are

you… are you sleeping with this boy?”

Heat rushes through my body. “What?”

Kayden must have heard her, because his laughter kicks up a

notch and fills the room. “I have to give her credit,” he says

between laughs. “She’s very entertaining.”

“Callie,” she says. “I’m not going to judge you… I just want to

make sure you’re being careful.”

Oh my God. This is so mortifying. My cheeks are as hot as

the heater below the frosted window and I tuck my head down

with the phone still pressed up to my ear to hide my blushing face.

“Yes, Mom.”

“Yes, Mom, you’re sleeping with him?” she asks. “Or you’re

being careful?”

“Tell her you’re being careful right now.” Kayden laughs in

my ear and it tickles my neck, causing my shoulders to shudder.

His arms snake around my waist and then he’s pulling me back,

lifting himself up from the bed with one arm. He tucks me

underneath his solid body and then lowers himself down on me.

I laugh into the phone as he starts to tickle my sides and I

squirm, trying to keep the phone beside me ear. “Mom,” I say

through laughs as his fingers trail high up on my ribs and then halt

next to the sides of my breasts.

“Tell her you’ll make sure to be careful every day,” Kayden

teases, his green eyes flashing with untamed desire. He pinches my

sides and then moves his hands up my arms and then down them,

stopping when he reaches my wrists. He cups each one with one of

his hands and then tugs on them.

“Mom, I got to go,” I say quickly. “And yes, I’ll stop by on my

way out.” Before she can respond, the phone falls from my hands

and Kayden gathers my wrists together and brings them above my

head.

For a brief second, panic claws up my throat as I’m hurled

into the past when I was pinned down on the bed and my heart

beat unstably. He must see it on my face too.

His grip starts to loosen. “Do you want me to let you go?”

I shake my head. “Just kiss me, please.”

His mouth turns upward and his lips connect with mine as he

bends his back and leans in. And just like that the panic and the

memories slip from my thoughts and it’s just he and I. No one else

in the world exists.

* * *

“So what have you been up to?” Seth asks as he hops

cheerily into Luke’s truck beside me.

It’s a bench seat and a compacted fit, but it’s not that bad. In

fact, it’s kind of comforting to be squished into a car with three

strong guys who have been there for me in their own wonderful

ways.

“Well, you’d know if you hadn’t disappeared.” I flash him a

playful grin as he fastens his seat belt.

He smirks with doubt in his eyes. “I highly doubt I was

missed.” The seat belt clicks and he sits back, tugging the sleeves

of his black-button coat down to cover his arms. “Besides, I wanted

to give Kayden and you some space.”

“You didn’t have to. We didn’t really do anything.”

He arches his eyebrows, accusingly. “Yeah, right. You two

have been locked in that room since the new year started. You’re

like newlyweds or something, going at it like rabbits.”

I turn my face away from him as I feel the blush creeping up

and try to restrain my smile. “Seth, stop,” I say and he giggles.

Kayden opens the door and the hinges squeak as he scoots

into the seat beside me, but he pauses halfway in, with one of his

feet still on the ground as he examines my reddened face. “Okay,

Seth, what did you say to her this time?” he jokes, and brushes the

pad of his thumb across my cheek. He grins at me as I stand up a

little so he can climb onto the seat.

“Nothing I haven’t said before,” Seth responds with a wicked

glint in his brown eyes. “She just reacts the same way each time,

which makes it so much fun.”

I swat his arm and then sit down onto Kayden’s lap,

immediately overwhelmed by the scent of his cologne. His slings

an arm around my shoulders and pulls me into him as he guides

the seat belt down from behind himself and fastens it over both of

us. It’s snowing outside and fluffy flakes are stuck in the brown

locks of his hair. I run my hand gently along the top of his head

and dust them out. Some of them melt from my body heat and his

hair ends up with this wet, sexy look.

“So where do we still have to go?” Luke asks as he tosses his

bag into the back of the truck that still has Kayden’s motorcycle in

it, and then he hops in and slams the door. The truck is already

running and he turns up the heater and hot air blasts out from the

vents.

“To my house,” I say. “And…” I look at Kayden. He hasn’t

been home since we took off to San Diego and I can tell he

doesn’t want to go back. But he has to go back and get his clothes

and stuff and I think deep down he might want to talk to his

brother Tyler. “And to Kayden’s, I think.”

The cab becomes silent and then Luke sighs and drives out

onto the main road, flipping on the wipers. The roads are a little

slushy and slick so he reaches to the small shifter in the center and shoves it into four-wheel drive. The truck makes a loud thud and

jerks as it slides into gear.

“Jesus.” Seth makes a face as he turns his legs to the side and

adjusts his seat belt, which has tightened. “It feels like it’s going to fall apart.”

Luke pats the dash. “It’s fine. It’s just old.”

Seth rolls his eyes and then crosses his arms. We all remain

quiet as he veers off roads and makes turns down the narrow

streets. The radio plays “Wonderwall,” by Oasis, and then “Hands

Down,” by Dashboard Confessionals. When he pulls into the

driveway beside my house, Luke puts it into park and mutters,

“Hurry up.”

“Relax,” Kayden tells him, flipping the handle and pushing

open the door. He brings his foot to the ground and climbs out,

moving me out with him. Once my feet are planted firmly to the

ground, he releases his grip on me and slams the door.

I don’t ask questions when he takes my hand and walks up

the driveway with me. He never said anything about coming inside,

but I think in his own head he’s protecting me. We walk up the

steps and I try not to think about the haunting memories inside

out and out. Instead, I think about the good ones that I spent with

Kayden and Seth.

By the time we reach the top of the stairs, my mother is

swinging the door open. She has on an apron over a floral cream

skirt and a white shirt trimmed with lace. Her hair is curled up at

the ends and she has a string of pearls around her neck. She also

has a plate of chocolate chip cookies in her hand and she’s smiling

brightly. I can tell Kayden’s trying really hard not to laugh at the

Leave It to Beaver theme she’s got going on.

“I’m so glad you decided to stop by,” she says and then pulls

me in for a hug while balancing the cookies in her hand. She

moves back and then hugs Kayden too. He pats her back,

awkwardly exchanging a confounded look with me.

But all I can do is smile. At that moment, I love my mother,

the cookies, and the 1960s dresses and all because I’m pretty sure

no one has hugged Kayden like that besides me. She urges the

plate of cookies at us, and shaking my head with a tiny smile, I take a one to make her happy. I had accidentally let it slip during on a

phone conversation about my throwing-up problem and I’m pretty

sure for the rest of my life she will probably try to overfeed me.

The good-byes are quick and my dad and Kayden even chat

a little bit about football. They don’t ask him questions about what

happened with Caleb or his dad, even though the gossip around

town is spinning into stories full of suicide, attempted murder, and

every felony charge imaginable.

We’re heading out to the truck when Jackson’s car pulls into

the driveway. My initial reaction is to run away from him, because

he’s usually got Caleb attached to his hip. But there’s no one

sitting in the passenger seat so I relax and let out a loud breath.

“You coming?” Kayden asks, and I realize I’m standing in the

middle of the driveway, staring at my brother.

I hold up a finger, indicating I need a minute. “Just a sec.”

He eyes me with worry in his green eyes. “Are you sure?”

I nod as my brother climbs out of the car. He’s looking at me

and I can’t read his stoic expression at all. “Yeah, I just need to talk to him.”

Kayden nods and then he heads for the truck, passing

Jackson along the way. They mutter a hello and then Kayden

climbs inside. He never takes his eyes off me as I wander over to

the steps and take a seat on the bottom stair, the light layer of