Текст книги "Cassie"

Автор книги: Jennifer Foor

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

“Are you getting sentimental on me? I might have to attack you once we’re in the room.”

I reached over and kissed her, knowing damn well she’d change her mind about me the moment she saw her family. Our lips lingered as I opened my eyes and saw into hers. This was how I intended to remember our goodbye, not the way she’d look at me when she realized I’d betrayed her.

We exited the vehicle after our short embrace. Cassie reached in the backseat to fetch her bag, while I got the rest of our things out of the trunk. Little did she know I’d run into the house before we left and gathered her favorite items she wouldn’t want left behind. I’d tucked the bag in the far corner of the trunk and hoped she never noticed it sitting inside.

We walked together inside the hotel, and I headed straight for the front desk. I had to act normal, not like I was there to meet someone. It was bad enough I’d done this behind her back, I couldn’t give her warning before she was reunited with the parents she’d given up on.

Cassie sat down in the lobby expectantly. I kept glancing over, hoping she’d stay put. Then I saw them, the two people with hopes of having their little girl come home. My heart began to palpitate, my palms becoming sweaty. I was overwhelmed with different emotions as they got up closer, drawing enough attention for her to look up.

Her mother was crying, while her tall father stood with his hands to the side. Cassie stood up, but didn’t embrace her mom, not at first. Her immediate reaction was to turn around and look at me. Her face said it all. She knew I’d done this, and it was like a full circle from the first time we’d met. All I saw was anger. She’d trusted me. She’s given herself to me completely and I’d known from the beginning we didn’t have a chance.

I stood watching for a couple minutes, finally seeing her in her parent’s arms. They’d protect her and help her get over everything she’d been through, including me. They’d give her the opportunity to turn her life around. She’d be safe and loved. That’s all I could hope for.

I waved to her father. He nodded back. Cassie turned to follow his gaze and found me standing in the same location. Her father began to approach me, but Cassie remained. He reached his hand out and shook mine. “We really appreciate it. She gave us a real scare.”

“I figured. Your daughter is a wonderful woman. It’s obvious she was raised by two good people. I didn’t tell her we were coming here because she can be pretty stubborn.”

He smiled for a second to agree, and then gave me this look, like he knew I was more than just an agent assigned to return her home. My cover had been blown.

“Is there something I need to know about between you and my daughter?”

His question was direct. “There’s nothing you need to worry about, Mr. Healy.”

He nodded again. “Good to hear. Thanks for bringing her home to us unharmed.”

I handed him the bag of Cassie’s things. “She’ll probably want this stuff.”

He took the bag and walked away, leaving me to watch as he took her away from me. The moment they walked out of the building I headed toward the elevators. Just as it began to open for me to enter I heard her voice. “Logan, wait.”

The tears in her eyes were too much to see. “I thought you left.”

She shrugged. “I just want to know why. Why would you be with me? Why would you show me so much only to let me go? Did it mean anything to you? Was it just some job you needed to see through?”

“No. You haven’t been part of my job for a long time. I know you don’t understand, but I did this for you, because I care about you.”

I reached for her, but she backed away. “If you cared about me you would have been honest. I told you things. I slept with you. You let me think we’d be together. How could you be so cold? Did I know you at all, or was it all a ploy to keep me content while you planned to get rid of me?”

“It’s not like that, Cassie.”

“Oh really? From where I’m standing that’s exactly how it is.”

“I’d like to still be friends. What we shared was…”

She cut me off. “A mistake.  Being with you was a huge mistake, Logan Campbell. I’ll never forgive you for this. Don’t try to call me. Just forget you ever knew me at all.”

When she walked away I didn’t run after her. What good would it have done? She’d made up her mind, and it was exactly how I’d suspected it to go. Cassie may have been home with her family, but for the first time I wondered if it was really where she belonged.

Chapter 32

Cassie

In all honesty I didn’t know how to feel. Having my parents with me was reassuring. They weren’t screaming at me or talking about the mistakes I’d made. My mother sat in the back of the truck next to me, her arms clung to mine as if she were going to lose me again.

I cried silently to myself, but not because the emotions I was experiencing from having them back in my life. My tears were because of the pain and disloyalty of a man I thought I might have a future with. He’d been everything a woman would look for; generous, thoughtful, compassionate, but I wondered if it was all a façade. How much was real? Did he even like me, or was it all to keep me occupied?

Pulling up the long gravel driveway to the ranch was how I would imagine it could feel to walk through the gates of heaven. It was beautiful, and the most comfortable place on earth.

My brother was on a tractor running parallel to the way my father was driving. He waved when he saw the vehicle, and I knew when I finally had him close I’d pull him into a hug and never want to let go. Callie, my youngest sister, was on the porch. She was petting one of the barn cats that wandered around killing the field mice. Usually they were feral, but one particular had taken to being a lap cat.

Callie stood when the truck came to a stop. I climbed out and stretched before making my way in her direction. Feeling her holding me, smelling the familiar scent of our shared shampoo, it made me feel as if I’d never left. “I missed you, Cass.”

“I missed you too.”

“Jax and Amber said they’re going to come by for dinner. Mom invited everyone to the entertainment barn this evening. It was probably meant to be a secret, but I know how you hate surprises.”

I smiled. For a long time I’d assumed my family didn’t understand me. I’d fought them tooth and nail, completely believing I was in control of my own future.

I’d been wrong. So wrong.

After being greeted by my brother, I followed my family into our home. Everything was exactly as how I’d left it, including my room. Once I’d made sure everyone was okay with me taking a few minutes for myself, I entered and closed the door behind me. My secrets were in a box hidden in my closet. I pulled it out and started going through pictures and receipts, all tied to my relationship with Brant. I cried for the time I’d wasted on such a fowl person. I cried because I’d hurt the people I loved the most, but mostly I cried for the man who’d used me for his own personal entertainment. I wailed against the pillows on my bed, trying to hide my anguish from my worried family. They’d want to comfort me, but I couldn’t begin to tell them how I’d made another stupid mistake.

I’m not sure how long I’d been bawling in my room before my father came walking inside. It was strange to see him around the house before dinnertime, since he was always out on the ranch working. He sat down on my bed before speaking. “Darlin’, I know you’re hurting, but I want you to know we’re awfully glad to have you home where you belong. Your mother and I have been worried sick about you. The agent told us a little about what happened while you were away. I just need to know you’re all right. Well, are you okay, Cass?”

I sat up and wrapped my arms around my father. “I’m going to be fine, Daddy.” He kissed the top of my head, which only made me more emotional. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

“We all make bad decisions. We’re just glad you’re home safe and sound. I know it’s tough, but you’ll get past this, and you’ll probably have learned a little something from it.”

“I hope you’re right.”

He kissed my forehead before standing up. “I am. I better get back to your uncle Ty, before he screws something up I can’t fix.”

I smiled, imagining the two of them bickering. They were as entertaining as any reality show out there.

I took a nap before the big dinner at the barn. It had been converted a long time ago to house our always-growing family. Uncle Ty and my Aunt Miranda greeted me first. She was holding one of my cousin Jax’s twins. The next person to greet me was my cousin Isabella and her husband Rusty. Jake, Jax’s twin hadn’t yet arrived, but I suspected he’d be there, since an invite with food was being offered.

With a few of my cousins, and my immediate family so close I realized how good it felt to be home. It wasn’t like Vegas, or even the comfort I’d found at Logan’s house. This was where I belonged, at least for now. It was time to get my life in order, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it.

A week later I approached my parents with something serious. I tried to start slow and work my way into my announcement. “Thanks for everything you’ve done for me in the past week. I’ve had a lot of time to think since I’ve been home.”

“Are you okay, sweetie?” My mother asked.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“We’re listening,” my father offered.

“I think I know what I want to do with the rest of my life, and before I tell you I want you to keep an open mind. It’s probably going to seem like it’s coming out of left field, but I promise it isn’t. What would you say if I told you I wanted to pursue a career in law enforcement? I’m thinking of going into the police academy.”

“I’d say it’s a big decision,” Dad announced.

“What brought this on?”

I fidgeted with my hands while answering. “I’ve thought a lot about it. I want to help people. I want to do something for my country, for myself. I’m old enough to go into the academy.”

“Are you sure this is what you want? It’s a vigorous amount of training, and you’d be putting your life in danger every time you wear the badge.”

“I’ve seen evil, Mom. I’ve looked it straight in the eyes and lived to talk about it. I know this is the right choice for me. I just don’t want to make a decision without you being a part of it. I’m tired of secrets in my life.”

“If it’s what you really want we’ll support you,” My Dad promised.

It was all I needed to hear. As soon as I was able, I’d start the paperwork. I’d join the academy and strive to help save people and lock up every dirt bag I could possibly get my hands on. My life was about to change again, and this time I had one man to thank. It was unfortunate we weren’t on speaking terms, because I think he would have been proud of me.

Chapter 33

Logan

After Cassie left the hotel, I remained there for two days, hoping and waiting for her to come back to me. I spent most of my time at the bar; binge drinking to get over the fact that I’d lost her. I couldn’t get the image of her anger out of my mind.

I honestly don’t know why I decided to do it, but I checked out of the hotel and headed to a place I never thought I’d go. The drive was excruciating. I hated myself for what I’d done; even though I knew in my heart I was being selfish again. Cassie wasn’t mine to keep. I cared enough about her to give her the life she deserved.

Now I was headed to the penitentiary where my sister had been for close to fifteen years. I was angry, and I felt like I needed her to know how much she’d ruined my life. Because of her, I had no family. Because of her, I devoted my life to helping other people instead of myself. Because of her, I’d never feel good enough. I was broken and lost, still searching for the reason as to why I had to survive. At this point in my life I think I would have rather died too, because at least I wouldn’t have spent my whole adulthood feeling like I had to save everyone.

I was tired; tired of being the hero. I wanted to be selfish. I deserved to be.

The penitentiary had special visiting hours. I used my credentials to get a private meeting with my sister. It took me a while to get clearance, but finally I was taken to a room where I’d wait to see her. My sister was still a kid when I saw her last. I didn’t know what to expect the moment she walked through the door. It never occurred to me that she’d be the spitting image of our mother, with our father’s dark brown eyes. I clenched my fists under the table and looked away when her eyes met mine. “Who are you? What do you want?”

“Why did you do it, Selina? Why did you kill them?”

“Is this some kind of joke? Who are you? Why are you here?”

I finally turned my attention back to her, and it only took a second for her eyes to widen. She finally understood why I was asking about a crime from so long ago. She knew who I was.

“Logan?”

I was fighting back my emotions. She looked too much like our mother to stare. I had too much hate in my heart. “This was a mistake.”

“Wait, please. I’ve written you so many letters. They always get returned. You don’t know how long I’ve waited to see you again, how long I’ve wondered if you were okay, if you were still alive.”

“Why do you care? You ruined my life.”

“What happened, what I did, you have to understand it wasn’t me. I was on so many drugs. After I got clean and learned what I’d done,” she paused. “I’ll never forgive myself. I miss them every day. They didn’t deserve to die like that. I wish it was me, Logan. I wish I would have died that night.”

“It’s a choice,” I managed to say.

“What is?”

“Drugs. You say it wasn’t your fault – that you weren’t in control, but that’s a lie. The moment you decided to put drugs into your body it was your choice. You knew the risks, but you took them anyway. It’s a choice, and you chose wrong.”

She was sobbing, her face shriveling with grief. I wanted to see her hurting. I hoped she’d been like this every day since she was incarcerated. “You couldn’t understand. You were always the good boy.’’

“I still am. I have to be, because you fucked me up so bad I won’t allow myself to be selfish.”

“You deserve to be happy. It’s what they would want for you.”

“You know what I want? I want my parents back, but we both know it’s never going to happen.” I stood up and prepared to leave. “I’m tired, Selina. I’m tired of this bullshit preventing me from having the life I want.”

“Did you come here to tear me down?”

“No. I came here to face my demons. I came here to prove to myself that I made the right choice.”

“The right choice? What are you talking about?”

“It doesn’t matter. I want you to know I’ll never forgive you for what you did. I don’t have it in me. I’ve spent my whole life helping others from monsters like you. For my whole adult life that’s how I’ve seen you. Now I know you’re just a woman without a future. You made a choice and there wasn’t anyone around to save you from it. You ruined your life. You missed out on everything, being free, having a brother. I’ve spent so many days wondering what it would have been like if they were still here, if I’d still be the man who could make them proud. You see, we’ve all got one shot to make our lives worth something. If I died tomorrow I’d be proud. Still, it will never give me what I really want, what I feel I deserve.”

“What?” She inquired.

“Someone to share my life with,” I mumbled. “I need to go.”

“No. Wait! You’re not making sense. Please stay, Logan. I’ve waited fifteen years to see you again. Just stay a little while. We don’t have to talk. Just let me be with you.”

My hand was on the doorknob, my feet prepared to step forward, but I struggled. I wouldn’t be back to see her again. As much as I resented her, she was my only living relative left. “I’m not staying for you, Selina. I’m staying for me.”

I gave myself close to thirty minutes before I said my goodbyes to my older sister. She was emotional, but I couldn’t help her. Maybe she’d changed. Maybe she’d gone through years of remorse and treatments. I could forgive for almost anything, but not for that, at least not until I was at peace with the loss of my parents. Maybe if I found someone to fill the void it would help. I wouldn’t know until that person came into my life and showed me it could be good. I’d already lost the best candidate. Getting over it would be my next feat.

Two months. That’s how long it took for Rockefeller James to get a trial date. I’d been subpoenaed as a witness for the prosecution. Since I turned in my paperwork I wondered if they’d sent one to Cassie. The thought of her being close caused immediate excitement, even though it was obvious she wanted nothing to do with me. Nevertheless, seeing her again might fill the void I’d had since she’d been gone.

I could hardly focus, and several times I picked up the phone to call her, but changed my mind at the last second. One thing was obvious when it came to Cassie, she meant a lot more than I first suspected.

The first day of the trial came and went, then the second, and still no Cassie. I was beginning to think she hadn’t been notified. Then, on the third day I saw her. Her face had filled out, looking the same way she had when I first laid eyes on her, before the drugs had taken their toll. She wore a pant’s suit, completely appropriate for a court appearance. One thing I noticed was the fact that she was alone. Surely her family wouldn’t allow her to come back to this place alone. Curiosity got the best of me. I made my way through a crowd of people and took a chance. “Do you have a minute so we could talk?” I asked.

As she turned around to look at me I could tell she wasn’t looking forward to our reunion. “I’d rather not.”

“Cassie, just hear me out. I know you’re angry with me, but what I did was for the best.”

“Let me tell you something, Agent Campbell. I’m a grown woman, and I’m fully capable of making my own decisions.”

I started to turn around and walk away before I heard her continuing. “With that being said I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I would say to you when I saw you again. I know why you took me home. What I don’t get is how you could let me go?”

I grabbed her by the arm and walked her into an area with less people. “Because I knew you were better off as far away from Las Vegas as possible. You needed to make amends with the people who loved you.”

“Maybe I didn’t need you to take me home. Maybe I would have done it eventually on my own.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“I thought you were different, Logan. I really did. I thought after all the shit I’d been through I’d met a man who would do anything to protect me from getting hurt. I thought you were safe to be with, but I was wrong.”

“No you weren’t. You don’t know how wrong you are about me.”

The tears in her eyes told me how much I’d hurt her, not that I needed reminders. “I can’t do this. I knew I’d see you, and I tried convincing myself I’d be okay with it, but I’m not.”

“I miss you,” I said like a plea.

She started to walk away. “I have to go.”

I was left scratching my head, looking like an idiot in the middle of a courthouse, all because I couldn’t keep it together. I sat in the courtroom staring at her two rows in front of me for the whole day. When it was finally adjourned, I walked outside, but waited for her to emerge. She saw me immediately and rolled her eyes. “You’re not going to give up are you?”

“Let me take you to dinner.”

“I’m not here alone.”

It was like a kick to the balls. Had she found someone so soon? “Oh, I didn’t think…”

She pushed me lightly on the chest. “Seriously? You thought I brought a guy with me?” She said the next comment in a whisper. “You think I’m easy?”

“I never said that.”

“Let me call my cousin and let him know I won’t be back for dinner. His wife is doing a shoot while we’re here. She’s a model.”

“I apologize for assuming.”

We started walking toward the parking lot. She walked ahead of me, and I hurried to catch up. “Where do you want to eat?”

“I don’t care. I’m starving. I came all this way and for the past two days I’ve been held up in a hotel. Today they call me, and I’m not asked to testify again. My stomach has been in knots. Did you see the way Rocky looked at me? I wanted to throw up.”

“I’m sorry. I haven’t noticed. The only thing I saw in that court room was you.”

She froze in place. “You can’t say things like that.”

I reached for her hand, pulling her closer to me, not giving a damn who saw us. “For two months I’ve been a miserable son of a bitch. I can’t get you out of my mind. I’ve waited for the moment when I’d see you again, and now you’re here, standing right in front of me.”

“For the past two months I’ve thought about a lot of things too. One thing I know for sure is that you and I can’t be together. We live in two parts of the country. Your work keeps you busy, and I’m trying to get my life together. Even if we tried, you and I both know it won’t work. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe you dropping me off was the best thing that could have happened. At first I wanted to regret what happened between us, but I know it’s not possible. We were both in that hotel room. We acted on impulse and it was great while it lasted. You took good care of me. You kept me safe. Then you took me home, where my family welcomed me with open arms. Now I’ve got a second chance to make things right, and I’m determined to work my ass off until it happens.”

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

She reached up and touched my cheek. “Maybe in another life we could have been good together, but you and I both know it’s over. I hate this place. My life is, and will always be in the country.”

“What about dinner?” I prayed she’d still spend time with me.

“What good will it do? You and I both know what will happen. We’ll have a couple drinks and reminisce about what could have been. Then one thing will lead to another and we’ll end up back at your place.”

I chuckled. “You act like that’s a bad thing.”

“It’s better if we quit while we’re ahead.” She leaned forward and kissed me tenderly on the lips. When she pulled away tears were forming in her eyes. “I wish you the best future, Logan. Whoever you end up with is a lucky woman.”

Then she was gone, hopping in a cab before I could somehow convince her to stick around.