Текст книги "Cassie"

Автор книги: Jennifer Foor

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter 25

Cassie

This guy was making it hard for me to focus on everything else going on in my life. He’d taken me in, provided me shelter, clothes, and food. Now he was taking me places, and going out of his way to make sure I was comfortable. I wanted to believe he was just being a good agent, but I wasn’t that naïve.

I may have had terrible luck with men, but I knew when one was interested more than being a friend. This trip was the perfect opportunity to get to know him on a more personal level, and I’m not talking about what color his sheets were at home. I already knew that from doing the laundry. I’m talking about the chemistry I felt when we were in certain circumstances together. I hadn’t noticed it before, back when I’d first come to live with him. It was more in the recent couple weeks. He’d been different. It’s what made me want to apologize and start over. I could tell it bothered him that I was still holding a grudge. He’d done his job. Yes, I’d lost my boyfriend because of my involvement with the authorities, but Brant was in the wrong, not Logan.

After leaving the diner, I decided to drive for a while. Logan seemed to be in a good mood. He moved his hands to the beat of the music and sang along to a few songs. Then we got on the conversation of favorite bands. From there we talked about our favorite movies, coming to learn we had similar tastes.

Throughout the day we discussed many books, childhood experiences, and even some things we did as teenagers. The longer I spent confined to a small area with Logan, the more I wanted to know. He was the most interesting man I’d ever known. I kept thinking how much my parents would have approved, which made me want to cringe. This was the guy they would have picked for me. He had a good paying job, he was responsible, he had values, and most of all, he wasn’t a criminal. He’d saved my life in more than one way.

He was also another reason why I couldn’t go home. I didn’t want them knowing I was living with another man; one I could see myself getting closer to. They’d say I was moving too fast; that I’d pushed myself into his life, or that he only helped me because I’d turned my back on them.

Another thing that made me nervous was the fact that some things are just too good to be true. There had to be flaws about him. There had to be something he was hiding from me. No man could fit so perfectly in my life. There were no exceptions. He either had deep dark secrets or I’d died and this was all some alternate life in a purgatory reality. Maybe I was seeing things that weren’t there at all. It was possible he was just a nice guy trying to help. Maybe the chemistry I thought was there was just courtesy. For all I knew, he could have been gay, just like Charlie. Maybe he thought I was disgusting, after being strung out and sleeping with my criminal boyfriend, knowing he’d been running around on me. The reasons were almost endless.

It was obvious I was making excuses for not wanting to see if something was happening between us. I’d be a fool to think a couple days at a ski resort wasn’t going to result in either an opportunity for something new, or proof that I was losing my mind.

Almost a month ago I’d lost the man I thought I loved wholeheartedly. Believing someone was my future and finding out he was everything but that had crushed me. My poor judge of character left me vulnerable. I wondered if it was love at all. Can you love someone you don’t fully know? If it was love, why was it getting easier to let go? Why was I imagining someone else making me happy?

With so many questions hovering in my mind, I feared I was acting out of desperateness. Perhaps I was codependent, and needed someone in my life to be happy. It was all too much to think about, especially with one of the men in question only twelve inches from where I sat.

Logan navigated us through the mountains to find the resort we’d be spending the next two days. When we pulled up into the parking lot I felt like I was dreaming. It was beautiful. The cedar logged lodge was more like a mansion. It was three levels with huge windows surrounding the whole building. Since it was a weekday, it wasn’t very crowded. I was able to pull into a front parking spot to make it easy to carry in our bags and get registered. Of course, Logan handled my bag, insisting it wasn’t a big deal.

Right before he walked up to the front desk he stopped and turned in my direction. “I forgot to ask. Are you okay sharing a room again, or do you want me to see how much two will be?”

I didn’t know how to answer. If I told him it was okay to share, he might think I was easy. If I said to get two rooms, he might think I didn’t enjoy being around him. “Um, you pick. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“Well since we have to rent ski’s, and probably get some heavier clothes to wear, let’s just share one room. The internet said they were pretty large anyway.”

“That’s fine with me. Like I said, either way.”

Several minutes later we trekked to our shared room. The moment Logan opened the door for me I wondered if this had been his plan all along. Had this road trip given him a reason to make a move? Had he been getting us rooms together to see if something would happen between us?

I decided to stop worrying about it and let it play out. Neither of us were in a relationship. We were currently residing in the same house. Having been around each other for weeks, it wasn’t surprising something could be happening between us, especially now after discovering how much we had in common.

I didn’t know if I was ready to date, and certainly not fall into another serious commitment, but I was human and I’d been hurt pretty badly. I was still entitled to live out my life, and if I wanted to explore what was happening between me and this man I had to chill the hell out.

The room was spacious. The beds were a good eight feet apart and a wide end table was positioned between them. There was a full sized round table in the corner of the room with four chairs. A recliner was in the other corner with a lamp hung behind it to read. The glass windows were the full length of the room. The mountains were the only view we had. It was tranquil and serein. “This is insane. Come check out this view,” I suggested.

“Come check out this bathroom,” he countered.

I hurried to the opposite side of our room to find him standing in the middle of a large bathroom. A two person Jacuzzi tub took up the whole one side. A double sink was on the opposite side, and in a separate room sat a commode. “Holy crap. Did you pay extra for this?”

“No. It’s the standard room.” He noted. “I may never want to leave.”

“Well, it’s getting pretty late in the afternoon. We’re going to need to eat, and I’m sure it would be better for our skiing tomorrow if we had the proper gear and jackets. I know it’s winter, but you and I both know it’s not very cold in Vegas. Just walking in this place made me feel like I was going to freeze to death.”

“I’ve got a heavy coat in my trunk that will be fine. I can double up. We’ll still need to get you something, and then grab two pair of pants so we’re not getting hypothermia.”

I didn’t have much money to my name, but I knew this was an opportunity to enjoy myself for the first time in a long while. If I needed to spend some of it to get the necessary gear, I was going to do it. “Should we go now?”

“Yeah. The sooner we get done the faster I can put my ass in that jacuzzi.”

“You may have to fight me for first dibs.” My response caused a ornery smirk across his face. I had to look away to avoid feeling uncomfortable. If this was just my imagination, I was definitely losing my mind.

Chapter 26

Logan

I was probably getting myself into a situation I’d later find it hard to get out of. It didn’t take a genius to see something was going on between us. She was happy, and it seemed contagious. We clicked, unlike I’d been able to do with plenty of other women. While knowing this was only going to be temporary, I felt like I had every right to be selfish. If the two of us were on the same page, why not act on it? We were both adults, fully capable of stopping if we felt the need to. I was willing to let it ride, even though I knew our goodbye would probably be final. There was a chance I’d never see Cassie again, once I took her home, and I had to be okay with it.

The resort had it’s own shops, so it took us no time at all to find what we needed and reserve our equipment for the next day. While downstairs we located the restaurant to grab some dinner. Just like the views from our room, the snow capped mountains were all the eyes could see, unless they were staring at Cassie. Her eyes were like getting lost in heaven; like going to a place I never wanted to leave.

“I think we should play cards tonight.”

“I’m not into gambling,” I replied.”

“We don’t have to bet anything, silly. Haven’t you ever played for fun?”

I had to look down at my empty plate for a moment to gather myself. “When I was a kid I used to play cards with my family. We kept a tally. You know that box you found with the charred remains of my things? The notebook is still in there.” I turned and stared out the window for a second. “Sorry. I keep that box sealed because I still can’t handle dealing with the secrets it holds.”

She reached across the table and touched my hand, gently bringing me back to reality. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I was in the wrong for going through it.”

“I would have done the same thing.”

“You investigate things for a living. I’m was a nosey bitch with a drug problem, who’d just caused her boyfriend to be murdered. There’s a huge difference.”

Her hand was still lingering over mine. “I appreciate the sentiment, Cassie. I know you’ve been through hell. Trust me, I get it.”

She finally pulled away. “I know being with him was a mistake. I know I had blinders on for a long time when it came to Brant. I should have never left home.”

“Shit happens. We have to keep going.”

“It’s hard sometimes.” She played with her silverware. “I feel like a jerk sometimes, especially when I think about being with other people.”

Right away she had my undivided attention. Was she referring to me?

She continued. “I don’t mean that literally, it’s more like if it were to happen with someone I don’t know if I’d be against it. Isn’t that terrible?”

“You have to do what makes you happy. That’s how I look at it. What’s done is done. He may have been a lousy boyfriend, but I’m sure he’d want you to go on with your life. He’d want you to be happy.”

“I suppose. It’s hard to picture though. There’s still a lot of guilt.”

“I admire your ability to see the good in people, and to carry the burdens of other people’s sins.”

“You see the good in people as well. I noticed it right way.”

If she kept talking like this I was going to ask if we could skip dinner and share the water in the hot tub. Thankfully, our waiter came to interrupt the seriousness of the conversation.

Of course she ordered a steak with a baked potato and a bowl of homemade chili. She skipped the salad and asked if she could just have another loaf of bread and the honey butter they served with it when they first seated us. I asked for the same thing and laughed the moment the waiter walked away.

“What,” she asked. “You ordered the same food.”

“I’m double the size of you.”

“Not for long it appears.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a woman who enjoys a big piece of meat.” The moment the words left my lips I saw her face react.

We both cracked up, grabbing the attention of the patrons around us. “You’re a funny person, Logan Campbell. I regret keeping my distance for the past couple weeks.”

“It’s probably better. You’d be tired of me by now and wouldn’t have come on this awesome road trip with me. Just wait. It’s only a matter of time before you tell me to get away from you.”

“I doubt it. You’re like me, just the guy version, personality of course. You didn’t run away with a loser and become a drug addict.”

“How about we don’t talk about our pasts? Wouldn’t it be nice to just be us for a few days?”

She smiled. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I keep bringing it up. It must be annoying as shit.”

“I’m used to it. It’s the healing process.” To be honest, I was tired of the back and forth. I didn’t want to talk about my family and the pain losing them had caused me. I spent half my adolescence in therapy, learning how to accept what I’d never be able to change. Cassie had to figure this out on her own. I understood she didn’t have anyone else to talk to about it, and I honestly didn’t mind offering support, but she kept giving me mixed signals. I hadn’t brought her on this trip to get into her pants. Sure, if it happened it would be a nice surprise, but the constant guilt she was feeling had to stop. “I just want you to see how your life is just beginning. The road to happiness is free of traffic. It’s your time to shine. You need to seize every opportunity you get. Be optimistic. Be everything you know you deserve to be.”

“You need to be one of those guys who travels around the world preaching positivity.”

“If the FBI gig doesn’t pan out I’ll keep that as a backup plan.”

Our second loaf of bread was delivered. I pulled it toward me to get a rise out of her. “I call the heel.”

“There’s two of them, goofball.”

“I get both then.”

She reached across the table and took it from me, shoving one end in between her teeth and tearing off a piece. She was giggling so much I assumed she was going to choke, but she managed to get it all down without problems. Then she handed it back to me with a mouthful still in her cheek. “I couldn’t help myself.”

I bit the other end, settled to the fact that we were good when we let go of everything else. I needed to practice the same methods as I was preaching. “I changed my mind about the card game. I think I’d like to play when we get back to the room, after I get in the Jacuzzi of course. You may have stolen the first bite of bread, but my ass has dibs on that for sure. If I have to lock you out of the bathroom I will.”

“I’m not afraid of you. If I know anything at all about you, it’s that you would never hurt me.”

She was wrong. I may not physical inflict pain on her, but I was very capable of breaking her heart. It might not even happen in a romantic way. Whatever was building between us was going to be broken the moment we pulled into her small town and she realized my motives. I was betraying her, and for that she’d never forgive me.

For the rest of dinner a heavy amount of guilt was weighing over me. I made the decision that I had to stop before I got to a point where nothing else mattered except experiencing what it was like to be with her. Cassie was going to be out of my life. I had to be decent. It was important to be the guy she saw me as; the person she trusted with her life.

We ate until we were stuffed and almost unable to get up from the table. I insisted we take the steps in fear of fate stepping in and stopping the elevator so we’d be forced to spend more time alone in a tight space.

Once in the room, my concerns were heightened. Cassie kicked off her shoes and let her body fall down on her bed. She was spread out, probably in an inappropriate position for a pervert like me to see. I imagined myself on top of her, kissing those sweet lips and making her forget all about the loser who took her down that ugly road, putting her life in danger.

I had to hurry in the bathroom and pray she didn’t follow. It was so ridiculous. At nearly thirty years old I couldn’t begin to rationalize with my own decisions. Suddenly doing the right things seemed worse than inflicting gut-wrenching pain on myself.

I turned the water on, letting the jacuzzi fill while I undressed. I started to lock the door, but figured Cassie would come to her senses and realize she wasn’t ready to dive into something so spontaneous. I’d no sooner climbed in the tub when I saw the door opening. I think I knew she was naked even before I turned to look in her direction. I was in shock, while she seemed confident. “Mind if I join you?”

She started to step in with me, and I only had a few seconds to get out of there before my body wouldn’t let me. She was too damn perfect, down to her curves and the shape of two supple breasts. I was in awe of her, making it impossible to focus. Not realizing what I was doing, I stood, revealing everything I had to her curious stare. She smiled, but only for the time it took me to grab a towel and hold it over my package. “We shouldn’t do this, Cassie. It’s not a good idea.”

They were words I’d regret for the rest of my life, yet I was determined to do right by this girl, even if it made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. It was better than leaving her angry and broken when our trip finally came to an end, which was happening sooner than I wanted it to.

“I don’t understand,” she whined. “I thought we liked each other.”

“It’s not appropriate. It’s best if we remain friends, Cassie. It’s best for both of us.”

She wasn’t taking no for an answer, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to continue rejecting her.

Chapter 27

Cassie

It was unbelievable. Had I gotten the wrong signs? Was I really hearing him correctly? I was standing before him without any clothes, prepared to give myself to him completely and he was rejecting my offer.

“You don’t want this, Cassie.” He was backing away, clinging to the towel wrapped around his still steaming rock-hard physique. I was ashamed at myself for not seeing it before. I’d been blinded by life’s troubles for far too long.

“Don’t tell me what I want, Logan. I’m tired of pretending it will get better on it’s own. I know I’m in control now.” I bit down on my lip and took a step forward, closing the distance between us.

He squinted as a half-smile formed over his face. “I can’t be your distraction. I’m here to help you, not drag you down a darker path. My life isn’t easy. I wish it were simple, but I have my own demons to battle.”

“For once, maybe we shouldn’t think about tomorrow. Maybe you could pretend all we have is tonight. I need this. Don’t deny me a moment of happiness. Please. Don’t make me beg for it.”

He wouldn’t speak.

“Is it because I’m not good enough for you?”

“Not good enough? No! It’s nothing like that. You’re more than good enough. Don’t even think that.”

“I don’t know what else I’m supposed to think. We obviously like being around each other. I’m having a blast with you. You keep sending me mixed signals, and even though I know we’re communicating, we’re avoiding this topic like it’s a deadly disease. What gives? Are you worried I won’t respect you when it’s over?”

“I’m worried you’ll hate me, Cassie. I wish you could understand.”

“I’m not as fragile as you think.”

“You’ve been through a lot lately. You say you’re okay, but what if this makes you feel worse?”

I almost laughed. “Are you serious? I thought sex was fun, especially when two people are attracted to each other. Is that it? Am I not your type?”

He shook his head and let out a sigh. “You are so much my type it scares me. Everything about you screams for me to want you. It’s taking all of my willpower to protect you from the pain I know I’ll bring you.”

“You’re being ridiculous. Nothing you could do would make me feel that way. You’ve been a godsend.”

“You must have low standards. Stop putting me on some pedestal. I’m just a regular guy who makes mistakes like the rest of them.”

“No. You’re different. You care. I wasn’t sure before, but now I am. When I’m with you all my problems seem to fade away. Don’t deny me from experiencing what it would be like to know you completely. I need this, Logan. I’m not pushing myself on you to cover up some past I want to forget. I’m just tired of denying what’s right in front of me.”

He was standing before me, giving much thought to what I’d suggested. Then the towel dropped. “Come here.”

I almost couldn’t move. I was too shocked to let my body comprehend what he’d just ordered. Had he given into me that fast?

It took me two steps to make it to him, and when I did his lips were on mine. Parts of me came alive, and nothing existed in the world except for us. His tongue moved with precision, caressing mine as they mingled and meshed. His hand was in my hair, keeping me as close as possible. Our kiss continued to intensify, as we stood naked and exposed. My hands slipped over his wet chest, slithering their way to his muscular pectorals then up to his shoulders and finally around his strong neck. He was taller than me, but had leaned over to make it easy for me to be able to reach him. I ran my hands through his hair as we both pulled back to take a breather.

With his face still close to mine, I could feel his lips moving against my skin. “I want this with you.”

I wanted it too, maybe more than I even knew. Gentle chaste kisses trailed down my neck, over my collarbone, and finally to my left breast. His hands followed his lowering body over my arms, tracing until they stopped at my hips. He stood again, kissing me quickly before backing me up against the jacuzzi tub ledge. I took one foot and placed it in the hot water, followed by the next. He held my hand to steady me from slipping, then joined me promptly, never letting his grip falter.

We dipped into the water together, precisely at the same time, while fully engulfed in another tantalizing joust with our tongues. During the embrace, he pulled me closer, straddling my body overtop his. I could feel his erection beneath me, pressing in just the right spot as if it knew where to go.

I wanted this man, utterly and completely. I thought it wasn’t possible to experience something so significant, but I couldn’t deny it, not anymore. Like pudding in a colander, I slipped into a sexual coma of the mind. As little parts of me awakened, I knew I was slowly allowing myself to feel again emotionally.

Logan pulled away and steadied his breathing again, this time driving my body to a standing position. He ran his hands up my inner thighs, all while staring at my pussy. I was hyperventilating, worried he’d judge me for some small flaw, or find something to deter him from continuing. One hand came over a small patch of trimmed hair that sat over my pussy. He was so close to my clit, maybe centimeters from my most sensitive area. He knew it too, tracing his fingertips over the outer lips, but never allowing himself entry. I wanted to sit down on the edge behind me and spread open for him, allowing him to have his way with me.

Before I could make that move, his face came forward, savoring the skin over my hip. The cool air was causing me to shiver, or maybe it was the fact that I was so exposed and undeniably turned on. I could feel my pussy pulsating, anxiously awaiting what I knew would come soon enough.

He stuck out his tongue and licked me, in between, dragging up until it stroked over my clit for the first time. My body tightened, the feeling so intense I had to steady myself from my weak knees dropping me back into the water.

Logan peered up, gazing into my eyes as he leaned forward again, sucking my clit in between his lips and tugging slightly. My head fell back, my eyes closing and trying to regain composure. His warm muscle continued on, flicking my clit while fingers brushed their way in between my lower lips. He teased my opening, never allowing his fingers entrance. I felt like I was going to fall apart, to succumb to the sheer pleasure he was giving me.

Then I felt them, those fingers penetrating their way inside of my tight walls. My inner muscles reacted to his movement, while his tender kisses enticed my clit.

Within seconds I fell apart, collapsing in the water overtop of him again. His lips were on mine instantly, allowing the lower part of me time to recuperate.

I wanted to pay him back with the same gesture, but he wasn’t having it, not when he knew he could slip inside of me and have the real thing. His hands cupped either side of my ass, determining the moment he’d slip into my pussy and take me to a place I never wanted to come back from. He was slow and steady, his eyes on my mine the entire time, as if to make sure we were still both okay with it happening. When he finally filled me completely, he stopped moving and leaned his forehead against mine, kissing me there. “Are you okay?” I asked.

“Just give me a couple seconds. You feel so fucking good. I’m afraid I’m going to lose it too soon.”

“We can always go again later. There’s no time limit. Our trip just started.”

He kissed me again on the lips. “I need it to be good for you, Cassie. You deserve to have someone cater to you.”

I ran my hands through his damp hair while staring into his dark eyes. “So do you.”

I began gradually moving my body over his. Our pace was slow, our kisses ravenous. A few minutes went by; a few glorious minutes where I felt like nothing in life could feel better. Then I watched him come undone. He dug his fingernails into my ass and stilled me, low groans escaping from his spent lips. I kissed them, letting my lips remain over his. Being with Logan was effortless. I didn’t feel like a whore, or something desperate to bury my demons. It felt right.

Just because the intercourse part was over, didn’t mean Logan was done. Once he calmed down, he spun me around and pulled my back up against his chest. His arms came around, and I twisted my neck around to kiss him again. He took the bar of soap from the little decorative box and began stroking it over my skin. He coursed it against each of my nipples, sending shooting tingles back down to my still pulsating pussy. This time I was the one making the soft noises.

Logan continued down, lowering his hand until it was over my pussy again. He rubbed with pressure, a constant tempo that sent me into a frenzy. While my body jerked above him, he did his best to steady me. Then I went limp, allowing him to hold me with his strong arms. He kissed the side of my face as we lay there together, no words necessary.

I was in heaven. Never had an encounter felt so intense. In all my time I’d spent with Brant, I’d never known him the way Logan was allowing me to. I didn’t even know how to comprehend it all.

Later, when we were both tired of being in the water, we retreated into the bedroom, choosing to share a bed instead of separating. Logan never let me out of his sight. He held me close, every so often kissing me to remind me he was there. Sleep came easy, probably because I knew there was no safer place to be than in his arms.