Текст книги "Cassie"
Автор книги: Jennifer Foor
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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
Chapter 28
Logan
I’d gone and done the unthinkable. I’d not only slept with an informant, but I’d done it selfishly, knowing I was about to betray her trust by taking her home to her family, where she’d hate me for certain. At least I knew they could give her the love and support she’d need.
With my job and the work I did, she’d never be able to handle my lifestyle long term. Trying to justify reasons why she wouldn’t want me should have made it easier. I couldn’t understand why it was becoming tougher by the minute.
Now, while she slept so peaceful in my arms, I laid awake wondering how I was going to let her go. I thought about how I was going to look at her without letting on there was something wrong.
I couldn’t deny how good it felt to be with her. She was like a flower, blooming and coming to life after a bad winter. I wanted to be her ray of light, but instead I was going to be the storm that came in and washed away any hope she had of us being anything more than a brief affair.
How could I not hate myself? I felt disgusted. She didn’t deserve to hurt; to be tossed aside again. She wasn’t someone’s trash. She was an amazing person; one of the best I’d ever met. Inside of her was a heart that yearned to be accepted. She was unique, and that’s what I treasured most about her. After she let down her wall, we’d connected undeniably. I craved to be in her presence, to bask in her essence. A part of me considered turning around and being selfish. Why couldn’t I keep her for myself? Would it be so bad to fall into whatever was happening between us? Didn’t we both deserve to be happy? Wasn’t it our turn to experience a positive outcome, instead of the looming darkness we’d both been pervade to?
With an unknown future looming, I tried my best to go to sleep. For the time being I was elated. I had a few more days to enjoy everything she had to offer. Maybe in that time I could figure out a way to give us both what we needed. Maybe she’d still want to be with me, even after I forced her to face her family. Maybe she’d appreciate my efforts and fall into this thing deeper because of my attempts to help her.
Or maybe she’d hate me, regretting every second of being in my presence. They were all understandable possibilities. I had to hope for the best, but expect the worst. I’d prepare myself for the moment I had to accept how it all turned out, no matter what it would do to me. It was still too new to know where it could lead. Maybe that would help me cope if she decided to cut ties and add me to the list of people she never wanted to hear from again.
I woke up to an empty bed. For a second I pictured her leaving in the middle of the night to avoid the inevitable. I considered the possibility of her regretting having slept with me. Maybe it would be better if she had. Then I wouldn’t have to be the one to end things so abruptly. Cassie was going to feel used. There was no getting around it. The moment she realized she was being set up to go home, our relationship would be over permanently. She wouldn’t want to remain friends or keep in touch.
Until I heard movement in the bathroom, I was freaking out. The door blasted open with a puff of steam exiting first. Cassie came out wrapped only in a towel. She got one look at me and headed towards the bed, leaning over to plant a fresh kiss on my lips. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You smell nice,” I said as I pulled her on top of me. Every time I considered the consequences of my actions and was determined to do the right thing, she’d flash that pretty smile and cloud my judgment.
“I wanted to be fresh, just in case.”
Was that a hint she wanted more? Did I have time to brush my teeth, or did she prefer I turn her around and give it to her from behind? I wasn’t sure how to take it.
Since she was still in my arms, only a towel and light blanket separating us, I tapped on her ass, hoping she’d stand so I could take care of some business in the bathroom. She got off the bed and made room for me to stand beside her. I didn’t bother covering up. She’d seen everything I had to offer, even my morning wood. “This is probably a terrible question to ask, but do you want to have breakfast or fuck first?”
She snickered while twisting her hair. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m not about to presume anything. It’s better if you guide me through it blindly.”
“Blindly?” She backed away. “What’s wrong? Does it distract you when I’m naked?”
I pulled her close. “Something like that.”
“You know, if we spend the whole day in bed, we’ll miss out on the slopes. As much as I hate having to wait for nice things, I’m pretty sure we’ll survive if we hold off until dinner.”
“I’d prefer it if you were the dessert.”
“I think that could be arranged.”
As hard as it was going to be to live with, I decided to go with the flow. Being with Cassie was fun. She never asked for strings, not that I could offer her anything. Our road trip may not end well, but we’d have a good time while still on it. When she said she knew how to ski, I got the impression she’d still be a bit clumsy. Nope. Not Cassie.
She took me up on the lift, hopping off when we got to the advanced slopes. Since I wanted to keep up, I didn’t lead on about my inexperience. Sure, I’d been a few times as a kid, but this was a different ballgame. I watched her take off down the mountain, doing my best to keep from crashing into a tree and ending my existence. Cassie was skilled. It was obvious she’d done this plenty of times, while I hadn’t been in at least ten years. I’d thought I was in shape, but my inability to balance property told me different.
As hard as I tried to remain on two feet I felt myself going to the side. In a matter of seconds I was in a dead roll, plunging down the slope. The ski’s unclipped and were left behind a few feet from where my body finally came to halt. Before I could look up and a pair of legs were standing over me. “Jesus, Logan. You said you could ski. I thought you meant you were pretty good at it. I never would have taken you to this level.” She crouched down. “Are you okay?”
I got to my feet and began brushing off the packed snow. “The only thing that hurts is my pride. I’m suppose to be impressing you.”
“Oh, I’m impressed,” she teased. “It’s not every day I have to save the FBI agent.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’ve got jokes. I see how you are. You wait until a man is down to break out your seductive powers.”
When she smirked and placed her hands on her hips it was too cute to ignore. I grabbed a hold of the elastic of her pants and pulled us both down on the cold snow floor. She squealed until she realized I was preventing her from getting wet. With us both bundled, I brought my hands around her back as far as they would allow. “I think you need to kiss me to make me feel better.”
“Oh, so you’re one of those guys – all needy and shit?”
“Maybe I am. Is it a bad thing?”
“Only if you take advantage of it. I mean, I don’t mind taking care of a man, but when he gets lazy I’m going to kick his ass back in gear.”
Her hat was starting to fall off. I reached up and placed it back securely on her head. “If you haven’t noticed, I enjoy taking care of people too.”
“I’ve noticed,” she mentioned before her lips hit mine. When she pulled away our eyes were locked on each other. “I like being like this, Logan. I hope when we get home we’ll continue whatever this is between us.”
Her words were like the shrill of a tree right before it cracks apart and falters to the ground beneath it. I may as well have been underneath of a falling tree. That’s how bad I felt when she started talking about having a relationship with me. How was I to answer? How did I tell her I wanted the same thing, but knew it would never happen?
“You make me want things, Cassie. All this time you’ve been living in my house and I never knew we could have this. We’ve wasted so much time ignoring each other.”
“So let’s change it now. We can go slow. I’ll stay in my room every night. We can date like normal couples do. Maybe you could even take me out on a couple dates.”
“Will you let me cop a feel when the night is over?”
“I might let you do more, if you treat me right.” This was a catastrophe. Had I known this would occur I never would have called her parents. Instead I’d discovered something amazing and knew I couldn’t have it. I flipped us over and started to get up, before helping her to her feet.
“If you keep attacking me I’ll be forced to take you back to the room and show you a good time.”
She smacked me on the ass. “Don’t worry, Agent Campbell, I’m going to need you to warm me up later.”
It was enough incentive to want to take off the skis and call it a day, though Cassie had other plans. She took off down the mountain, only looking back to make sure I was going to follow. I held my breath and pushed off, praying I could make it to the bottom without wiping out again.
Chapter 29
Cassie
I really thought he’d be a better skier. Throughout the day I ended up teaching him a few things to help him stay on his feet. It was fun and entertaining seeing him struggle with something, when I’d always admired his precision with everything else in his life.
After a long day on the slopes, we retreated to the room to warm up in the jacuzzi tub. Unlike the day before, we didn’t have to waste time bickering about what we wanted and why we shouldn’t act on it.
Twenty-four hours later and we were stripping each other down, rushing to get as close as physically possible. Once inside the tub, Logan took his time washing me, massaging my shoulders, and placing chaste kisses every place his tender lips could reach. He washed my hair, working the lather in with his fingertips, and then rinsing with his hand shielding my eyes. I found it to be so enduring. It was the little details I picked up most with Logan. It made me feel like he was too good for me, but I wasn’t about to stop what we were doing because I felt I didn’t deserve him. If he wasn’t complaining, neither would I.
“This is nice,” I mentioned as he continued rinsing the soap from my scalp.
“It’s my pleasure. I like pampering you. I know I’ll be rewarded later,” he teased.
“I’m open to suggestions. It’s not every day I get to be treated like a princess.”
He sort of shocked me when he changed the subject. “What was it like for you growing up on the farm, Cassie? Were you daddy’s little girl?”
I spun around and looked him the eyes. “Why would you bring that up?”
“I want to know more about you. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s not that. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. To answer your question, yes, I was daddy’s little girl. My sister Cammie is older, but only by ten months. She was always pretty independent, while I required more attention. The four of us kids were all close in age. I guess my parents were like wild rabbits when they were younger. I’ve been told my mother was pregnant while still married to another man. He was violent with a criminal record. Anyway, long story short, my father sort of saved her from him. They fell in love, and once she got pregnant my dad popped the question.”
“Wasn’t she still married. Isn’t that what you just said?”
“He died. He abducted my mother and several other family members and held them at the ranch in Kentucky. This woman he’d been screwing around with ended up shooting him to save my mom. It’s a long and crazy story, but it ends with all of us being born.”
“Wow. I thought I have stories to tell.”
“Oh, you have no idea. My family has a ton of drama, but at the end of the day they’d do anything to stay together.”
“Why’d you leave then? Do you not have the same values?”
I slid to the other side of the tub, feeling as if he was judging me more than usual. “I left because I thought Brant was my future. I left because I was the biggest idiot on the planet.”
“I just don’t understand why you feel like they’d never welcome you back.”
He’d hit a nerve and I couldn’t let it go. “I need to get out of this water. My hands are starting to prune up.” I climbed out and wrapped a towel around me before he ever realized what was going on. When I exited the bathroom he said nothing. He didn’t ask me to come back, or say he was sorry for pushing. I was pretty angry about it.
Logan came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. He climbed on the mattress where I sat and pulled one of my hands up to his lips. “Don’t be mad at me, Cassie. I shouldn’t have pried. It’s none of my business. I just hate knowing there are people who love and miss you.”
I rolled my eyes, because he was apologizing, but still did it anyway. “Seriously?”
“Sorry,” he repeated. “Let me make it up to you. Let’s go have a nice dinner and then we’ll come back and watch a movie in bed. I promise not to bring it up again.”
I was fine with his idea, but there was something he deserved to know. “I can’t face my mom, Logan. That’s why I can’t go back. The things I said to her are unforgivable.”
He stroked the side of my face. “Mothers are stronger than you think. You’d be surprised how much someone is willing to let go just for a second chance. We only have one life, Cassie. I know you don’t understand it from my point of view, but I know what it’s like to never be able to see my parents again. Mine are gone. They’re dead and buried. Your parents are still around. You won’t know how things could turn out if you never try to resolve them.”
“I can’t.” I shook my head. “Maybe you have a point, but I still can’t face them. I can’t look into their eyes and face the fact that I tore out their hearts for a piece of shit like Brant.”
“I have to look at it differently than you. If you never moved to Vegas with Brant, we wouldn’t have met, and we’d never be here right now.” He ran his hand over the back of my hair. “I’m happy I met you, Cassie. I’m glad I could be the one to save you. It’s been nice coming home and knowing you’re there.”
“It’s been nice living in a home where I know I’m safe. I don’t know where I’d be if you hadn’t taken me in.”
“You would have gone home eventually.”
“Or I would have stayed hooked on drugs, eventually living on the streets with a criminal record. You don’t know. I’m grateful for what you did for me, but every day I think about what would have happened if you walked away from me once you had your case sealed and delivered. You could have given up on me.”
“I’m not the kind of man who abandons a beautiful woman.”
“I’m not the kind of woman who had ever believed in a knight in shining armor, but here you are in the flesh, taking care of me and showing me what it’s like to be treated with respect. You’re a beautiful soul, Logan Campbell. I’m awfully glad you came into my life and changed my future.”
He smiled and leaned his forehead against mine. “I wish we could stay here forever, hidden away from the ugly world.”
“We’d need jobs and a means to pay for my eating habits. As nice as it sounds, you and I both know we have to go home.”
He touched my lips with the back of his hand. “I’m taking you home, Cassie. Just promise you’ll be patient with me.”
“I can be patient, but only if you climb under these covers and make love to me. We might have to leave in the morning, but we’ve still got a long evening ahead of us and I’m not ready to call it a night.”
“It would be my pleasure.”
I watched as he lifted the sheets and brought his body to mine. His first kiss was passionate, his hands wandering over my naked skin. When he pulled away he paused for a second, simply staring deeply into my eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let you go,” he whispered.
“So don’t.”
Chapter 30
Logan
My betrayal was getting worse by the second. She trusted me, all the while I was making phone calls and arranging for her parents to meet us in a nearby town. I knew if I took her all the way home she’d freak out. This way I could ease her into seeing them by doing it in a public place. If I knew Cassie like I thought I did, it would go smoother this way.
The phone call to her parents had my stomach in knots. I’d done my research and got their number, waiting until I thought someone would be there to answer. I was calm and professional, having never spoken to either of them before.
The phone rang four times before a female picked up. “Hello?”
“Hi, this is Logan Campbell with the FBI. Do you have a second to talk?”
“Logan Campbell with the FBI? Is this one of those scams where I’m supposed to send you my life savings or you’ll confiscate our farm?”
“No, Ma’am. I can get you my credentials and email them if necessary. I’m calling on behalf of your daughter, Cassandra.”
“Cassie,” I could immediately hear the worry in her voice. “Oh my god, is she okay? Please tell me something didn’t happen to her.”
“Mrs. Healy, your daughter is fine. I can assure you, she’s in good hands. She been in my care for the past month, give or take.”
“In your care? Is she in trouble?”
“Not at all. Unfortunately her boyfriend was involved with a person we’d been investigating. Cassie worked with us to close the case.”
“What about Brant? He’s a criminal, you know.”
“He’s deceased, ma’am. He was killed by the assailant before we could detain both of them.”
She was crying on the other end of the phone. “Was my daughter involved in something illegal? Is that why she hasn’t come home?”
“That’s the reason why I’m calling. Ever since her boyfriend was killed I’ve been looking out for Cassie. She’s been renting a room in a house I own, and as much as I enjoy having her around, I know she belongs home with her family.”
“I can be on the first flight out.”
“That’s not necessary. We’re already en-route. We’re a day out. There’s just one thing you need to know before we meet.”
“What?”
“Cassie doesn’t know I’m bringing her home. She’s stubborn, as I’m sure you already know. Against her wishes, I planned a cross country trip in hopes I could reunite her with you and your husband. She’s been through a lot.”
“Where should we meet?” She was anxious, which made me feel like I was doing the right thing. Cassie wasn’t a piece of property. She wasn’t a lost puppy. I couldn’t expect her to run to them with open arms. There were issues they needed to address first.
“How about Ashville, say noon the day after tomorrow? We’ll be traveling by car, so I’ll need an extra day to make it there.” It killed me to set a time when I knew she would come to hate me. It was like someone coming up and telling you when you were going to die. “I’ll be staying at the Comfort Inn Biltmore West. I’ll bring her to the lobby.”
“Thank you, Mr. Campbell. You don’t know how good it is to hear my baby is coming home. We’ve been so worried.”
“It’s my job, ma’am. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
When I hung up, the knots in my stomach were worse. After the time we’d share I couldn’t fathom the outcome of my betrayal. I wanted to tell Cassie; to give her a heads up, but what good would it do? She wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
After the call, being around Cassie had become extremely difficult. I didn’t mean to withdraw and make her suspect something was wrong, but she obviously knew me better than I assumed. “You’ve been in a mood tonight. What’s going on with you? Are you homesick?” She wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed me softly with her full, pouty lips. “Is there anything I can do to distract you?”
She was the distraction, that’s for sure. I needed to get her out of my system before I was wanted for abducting her and taking her back to Vegas with me. “I can think of several ways you can make that happen.”
She looked down and fished her hand into the front of my pants. “I think you need to let me handle your problem,” she said while moving in to run her tongue over my lips. Her cold hands grazed over my cock, sending a shiver throughout my entire body. I didn’t pull away though. Nothing was going to keep me from being with her again. I didn’t even care if the building was on fire. We were staying in our room until we were finished. Time was precious in our situation and I didn’t want to waste it fighting or worrying about what couldn’t be undone. “I’ve been thinking about this all day, Logan.”
We’d been standing by the window looking out at the snowcapped mountains. The room had been silent. I was doing my best, holding myself together while struggling with my ability to hide my feelings. Cassie had been right. Something was happening between us; something I hadn’t allowed myself to see. At home, back when we were only being cordial with one another, I’d always envisioned what it would be like to have her, I knew there was always a slight possibility.
Her hand gripped my dick. She moved it up and down for a few seconds before deciding my pants were getting in the way. I felt them loosen and fall to the floor at my feet. She lowered her body, only stopping when she was sitting on her knees. I ran my hand through her hair to keep it from blocking my view. I needed to memorize the way she looked with her lips surrounding my stiff cock. As her saliva lubricated my shaft, I could hear a swishing sound with the vibration of her own moans enhancing the act. Cassie took her time, licking and then sucking. She’d take breaks and tease me with her tongue, then go back to sucking while massaging my balls. Right when I was about to blow, I moved her away, pulled her to stand, and twisted her around. It took me a matter of seconds to bend her over the bed, expose her ass, and take her from behind. My pace was vigorous, and after a couple minutes, I was filling her with my release.
Then she fell asleep, leaving me to my own thoughts. A while later, I went to sit on the other bed so I could watch her sleep from afar. It was unlikely we’d have time in the morning to divulge in more lovemaking. This was all we were going to get.
When I climbed back into the bed beside her, she turned and nestled her body perfectly against mine. As warm as it felt to hold her, I couldn’t let go. Cassie would never be a woman I had a fast affair with. Her essence would haunt me, and while she was busy getting her life back together, I feared mine was about to fall apart. I’d been so close to having something of my own; someone to finally care for me, just as much as I wanted to do for her, but I was throwing it all away. If she was the one for me it was already too late. Whatever we could have been was over before it started. I’d never know what it would be like to fall in love with her. I’d never know what it was like to share my life with her.
It was devastating, and reminded me of the pain I’d experienced when I knew I didn’t have a family to go home to.
Chapter 31
Logan
We’d been driving for what felt forever, only stopping for bathroom breaks and food. Her head leaned up against my body, her feet hanging out the open window. Originally we were going to stop in Kentucky, but I asked if we could do it on the way back instead, knowing she wasn’t going to be with me then anyway. I hoped once she got settled, her big family would all come to welcome her home. She had a lot of catching up to do, after she got over the initial shock of being back.
This quiet time between us was both peaceful and unsettling. I ran my hand over her knee and imagined what it would have been like if we were headed home together to reap the benefits of our new relationship. Aside from the huge amount of sex we’d be having, I could also appreciate the sentiment of knowing I had someone to come home to.
Now nearing my thirties, I worried my time to find a woman and start a family was wearing thin. Cassie was still young, not that her age would defer me from wanting things. I hardly every thought about our age difference or the fact that she’d experienced so much in a little amount of time.
What sucked worse was knowing without a doubt that if we had more time I know I’d fall completely in love with her. We’d lived together long enough to learn each other’s quirks. She was used to my schedule, and didn’t mind doing the things at home I never could find the time for. She didn’t just clean and cook. Cassie made the house feel like a home. Her little touches seemed to brighten the place up. I tried not to picture a couple months from now, because I knew a thick layer of dust would cover every surface. Our cabinets would be bare, and the refrigerator would have several containers of mystery items neither Charlie or I would want to open.
Cassie adjusted in her seat, sitting up when we hit the North Carolina state line. “I never thought I’d be coming back here.”
“How does it make you feel?”
“I’m glad it’s with you.” She laced her hand in mine. “I’d be in bad shape if I had to see my parents.”
I clenched my jaw and stared forward at the road, hoping she didn’t look over and see the lament in my eyes. “Home is where your heart lies.” I said it because I assumed she’d know I was talking about her family.
“Right now my heart is hanging out wherever you are, Logan.” Her gaze was on mine, even though I was determined to ignore it. “I’m not trying to get emotional, or scare you away. I know how long it takes for two people to feel deeply about each other. I’m not naïve to what I’ve been through with Brant and my family. I just know that I’ve never felt so safe in my entire life. When I’m with you I can breathe. You make the pain and frustrations go away. It’s not the sex, although it’s been amazing so far. It’s just you as a person. I trust you with my life. I know you, of all people, wouldn’t ever put me in danger, or lie to me about who you are or what you’re feeling.”
I wanted to pull the car over and tell her the truth, but how could I? We were close to seeing her family. Time was running out for me to come clean, and I knew if I did she wouldn’t allow me to continue on. As much as I cared for Cassie, I couldn’t be selfish. I couldn’t keep someone who didn’t belong with me, even if it’s exactly where I wanted her to be. “I’m not perfect, Cassie. I hope you know that.”
“None of us are. As least you’re real. Even if things don’t work out for us relationship wise, I hope you’ll continue to be my friend. In a city of madness I know it’s peaceful as soon as you walk into the room.”
She was putting me on a pedestal I didn’t deserve. “I remember how rude you were when we met.”
“How would you have acted? You’d just caught me in possession of drugs. I was in no position to be able to focus on my demeanor. I was about to go to jail. My life would have been over, and I was desperate.”
“I get it. I’d been watching you for weeks. That little outfit you have to wear for work was a bit too revealing if you ask me. It was impossible to not imagine you naked.”
“Wow, I’m sort of glad you never mentioned that before.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t without effort, trust me. I think what bothered me even more was seeing you with your boyfriend. No offense, but what did you see in him?”
“He was nice to me. I thought he worshipped the ground I walked on, but clearly that wasn’t the case.” Cassie seemed to be uptight. “He made me do things I wasn’t exactly comfortable with. Before I knew it I was becoming someone else entirely. I think that’s why it’s been easier to get over his betrayal and let him go. In all honesty, he was never mine to begin with. His heart wasn’t with me, not the way I needed it to be. I sacrificed everything for him; I gave up my family because he convinced me it was the only way for us to have a future. When we arrived in Vegas I thought it was the start of something beautiful. Instead, it became the end of everything I once thought I wanted.”
“I wish I could have warned you sooner. The day you moved into that house I saw the innocence in you, even before we started looking into your identity. Granted, once you finally got a job it was easier to obtain your information. The casino gave us everything we needed. That’s how I knew I could find you outside that day. I’d been waiting for my opportunity to get you alone. It just so happened you were doing something illegal, which made you an easy target for blackmail. I’m sorry for my part in that, and what happened afterwards. I was just doing my job, Cassie. I never meant for you to have to go through what you did. It was before I knew you,” I lifted her hand up to my lips to kiss it. “Before I wanted you for myself.”
When I glanced in her direction to make sure she wasn’t upset, she was smiling at me. “So you’re admitting you want me?”
“You already know the answer.”
As intense as our conversation was becoming, I knew from the landscape we were getting close to our final destination. The picturesque view was breathtaking, even better than the lodge we’d stayed at.
Then I saw the exit I needed to take. Without saying anything, I merged into the designated lane and proceeded on the road, knowing the meeting location was only about a mile away.
“How come we’re getting off? Is this where your stop is located?”
“Yeah. I have hotel reservations here in Ashville.”
She gave me this look, like for the first time in her life she was questioning her trust where I was concerned. I quickly went back to watching the car in front of me, instead of allowing her a second to figure out I was hiding something.
The hotel wasn’t anything fancy. Once I put the car in park I checked the clock on the display. It was quarter of noon. I wasn’t sure what her parents were driving, or if they’d arrive yet, but it was important to act like nothing was wrong.
Cassie unfastened her seat belt, but grabbed my hand before I could continue out of the vehicle. “What?” I asked.
“Another night at a hotel with you. I’m starting to think I might want to come on more road trips if it has these same perks.”
Looking into her eyes when I knew we were about to part ways was so fucking hard. I stroked the side of her soft cheek, trying my hardest to remember every single light freckle across her nose. I needed to keep my emotions at bay, and as the seconds went by it was becoming impossible. “I never meant to feel this way about you, Cassie. I’ve spent my career being professional, and then you walked into my life. When I asked you to come with me I never expected we’d be like this. You’re so beautiful, inside and out. I’m lucky to know the real you, and I’ll be forever grateful you gave me the chance.”
