Текст книги "Jet"

Автор книги: Jay Crownover

Соавторы: Jay Crownover
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Chapter 17

Ayden

I was so exhausted I could barely see straight. I had spent the last three nights sleeping in the most uncomfortable chair in the world in Asa’s room and I was sick to death of arguing with my mom on the phone.

Asa had a seizure my first night back in Kentucky and had been rushed in for major surgery. The doctors had to drill a hole in his head in order to reduce the swelling and give the pooling blood a place to escape. Asa’s heart had stopped beating twice, and they told me lucky didn’t even come close to covering it with how close my brother had come to dying. He still wasn’t awake, and it was really touch-and-go, but I had to take a shower and if my mom called to tell me she just simply couldn’t make it home one more time, I was going to murder everyone. I couldn’t believe she was acting like this was just another scrape that Asa had gotten himself into. Not when I told her that the hospital staff had declared him dead, not just once but twice, while he was on the operating table. If he died and she made me bury my brother alone, it was the last time she was ever going to hear from me.

The hotel wasn’t exactly five-star accommodations, but it was within walking distance of the hospital and they had plenty of open rooms, so it would do until I knew one way or the other what I was dealing with. I sent a quick message to the girls to let them know what had happened and then spent ten minutes assuring both of them I was fine, and that neither one of them needed to get on a plane. They were the best, but I needed to handle what was to come on my own. I promised to call if I needed them and then stared at the message Jet had sent the day before.

I had been sitting in the waiting room during Asa’s surgery when it came through, and it had taken me a half hour to stop silently crying long enough to write him back. Just knowing I was on his mind had been enough to get me through the endless hours of waiting, and when they had come out and told me about Asa’s heart stopping, it was the simple I miss you that had enabled me to keep it together.

I toyed with the idea of sending him a quick little message to let him know I was thinking about him as well, but I was too tired to think straight and no words seemed right to convey everything I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him that I needed him, that this was the scariest thing I had ever had to do on my own, that I was done pushing him away for his own good, that if he could love all the parts of me, they were his for the taking. I just didn’t want to shovel all that at him while he was concentrating on the tour. He had obligations to things bigger than me, and I could be patient. I would talk to him when he got back and hope that somewhere along the way he hadn’t found a replacement for me

I rubbed my gritty eyes and trudged up the concrete steps that led to the floor my room was supposed to be on. I had only been in the room for five minutes to drop off my bag and brush my teeth. There were families on either side of me who had been cheery in passing, but now I hoped they were out for the day, so that it was quiet and I could just crash for an hour or so until I had to head back to the hospital. I blinked a couple of times when I got to the landing because it looked like a long, lean figure was sitting against the closed door. I shook my head for a second to make sure my sleepy brain wasn’t playing tricks on me, because there was only one person on the planet I could think of who would be wearing skintight purple jeans in the middle of redneck country, and he was supposed to be a million miles away being a rock star.

“Jet?”

The word whispered out as more a breath than an actual sound, but he must have heard me, because his head turned and he finally saw me. He pressed back against the closed door he was propped up against and levered up to his feet. He had on dark sunglasses and a tight black T-shirt that had some kind of flaming skull and pentagram, band logo on it. His dark hair looked like he had slept on it for days, but his mouth kicked up in a half grin and suddenly he was all I could see. There was no rundown hotel, there were no kids screaming in the pool down below, there was no brother barely hanging on to life—there was just Jet, and he was all I wanted in the world. I wasn’t aware of the fact that I was moving toward him, that I was running. I wasn’t aware that I was crying, yet again, and wasn’t aware that he caught me when I slammed into him hard enough to drive him back a step or two. All I could feel was his arms wrap around me and his lips touching the top of my head, while I collapsed against him. I tried to climb him like a jungle gym, so that I could get my legs around him as well.

“What are you doing here?” I wasn’t sure the words made any sense through the hysteria I was dripping all over him.

He put a hand under my ass to hoist me up higher and ran his other hand over my seriously unbrushed hair.

“It’s where I’m supposed to be. Good thing the teenager in the room next to yours took a fancy to those long-ass legs, or I would still be wandering around the parking lot. I was going to come to the hospital if you didn’t show up in another hour, but I figured here was a better bet, just in case things with your brother were really bad and you didn’t want me there.”

I buried my nose in the crook of his neck and just breathed him in and out. He felt so solid and real. I swore to myself I was never going to let him go again. He tasted salty from the Kentucky humidity and from my tears running down the side of his neck and into the collar of his shirt.

“I want you here.”

“Want to give me the key to your room so we can stop giving the nice family from Michigan a show?”

“It’s in my back pocket.”

I felt him digging around in the pocket of my cut-off jean shorts and his chest move up and down as he chuckled a little against me.

“I gotta tell ya, Ayd. I’m a fan of the South if this is what you’re gonna be wearing while you’re here.”

I had on cut-off jean shorts and my cowboy boots with a tank top, which was pretty much the uniform while I was home, and not really appropriate for Colorado, since the weather there never wanted to make up its mind. I felt him get the door open and move us inside. He kept his hold on me and sat down on the edge of the bed. I wanted to tell him it was probably gross and he should pull the comforter off, but more than that I just wanted him to keep holding on to me and make everything feel better.

“I’m so happy to see you.”

He rubbed the back of my neck and I closed my eyes and just let him soothe me.

“You could have called me at any time, Ayd. I would have been on the first plane out.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Jet. I don’t even know how I got this far alone.” I exhaled against his neck and felt him shiver. “I need to tell you some stuff and I need you to promise me that it’s not going to make you go anywhere when I’m done.”

I felt him tense a little under me but his hands stayed steady and his voice was calm when he replied, “I’m not going anywhere, Ayd. I just flew all the way across the fucking globe to be here. You don’t scare me, this doesn’t scare me.”

“That makes one of us.”

I pulled back so that we were looking at each other and wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. He reached up and tucked some loose strands of my hair behind my ears and the gesture was so sweet, so caring it almost made me start bawling all over again. I took a deep breath and let it all unravel.

I told him about my mom. I told him about the trailer. I told him about the boys. I told him about the drugs. I told him about the sex. I told him about Mr. Kelly and school, and finally I told him about Asa. I laid it all out as bare and naked as I could. I pulled back the curtain to show him all the secrets that were hiding there. He never blinked, just kept watching me, kept those dark eyes on mine the entire time, and those halos around the outsides got several degrees brighter and sharper the more I talked.

I told him about being entranced by him the first time I saw him onstage. I told him about how bad I wanted him that first night he turned me down for being too good of a girl, and how that played with my head for months after, because I was no one’s idea of good. I told him all I wanted was to protect him, and that the idea of Asa being behind the studio robbery had sent me running into a blind panic, and that was why I had to make him go. I was trying to get it all out, explain all the decisions, either right or wrong, that had led me here. I was going to tell him that I missed him so bad, that I loved him, and that I never wanted him to go, but I didn’t get that far, because he just stopped me by putting his mouth over mine.

It was an effective way to stem the flow of words, and it also had the added bonus of making me lose my train of thought and settle more fully into his lap. He ran his hands up the outside of my bare arms and his rings trailed little paths of cool metal all along the skin.

“Ayden,” his tone was serious and his dark eyes were intent. “You never had to do any of this alone. I would have been there for you,”

I let my forehead fall forward to rest against his. This man, who was all metal and tattoos that bled out anger and frustration, really had the softest and kindest heart I had ever encountered in my life. Now that I knew how easy it was to snap in half, I told myself it was going to be my job to take care of it from here on out.

“I know you would have, but you’re here now when I need you the most, and that’s all that really matters to me. If you still want my forever, it’s yours, Jet. No one else has ever come close and you’re the only one I have ever wanted to offer it to.”

He lifted a dark eyebrow and grinned at me.

“You in love with me, Ayd?”

I closed my eyes and kissed him like he had just kissed me. We just made so much sense together even if we made no sense at all.

“I’m in love with us, Jet.”

That made him laugh out loud and wrap me in an even tighter hug.

“That’s even better. For what it’s worth, I shouldn’t have let hurt feelings and my own fears stand in the way of us being together. I knew you were a runner from the get-go, and I shouldn’t have been such a jackass and given up the chase so easily. Now that I know what you were trying to sort through all on your own, it makes me feel like even more of a pansy. Just a fair warning, if your bro pulls out of this mess, there is a good chance I might put him right back in that hospital bed.”

I sighed against his mouth and moved to climb off him. It did my heart happy when his hand clenched just a little to hold me close, before he finally let me go.

“You might have to get in line for that. Asa is Asa. He’s always going to be the way he is, but he’s also always going to be my big brother and he did the right thing by me when he ultimately had to. Come on, you know it’s nearly impossible to turn your back on family.”

He leaned back on his elbows on the bed and watched me with hooded eyes as I moved around the room.

“I finally let my mom go.”

I looked at him over my shoulder and sucked in a breath. If I wasn’t exhausted beyond measure, if my mind wasn’t still on Asa and his precarious condition, I would have jumped on him and not let him up for hours. I wondered if it was always going to be like that between us, or if the allure of all that tattooed skin and those dark eyes and devil spikes in his ears was going to wear thin.

“You didn’t let her go, you just finally gave her some room to find her own way. There is only so much you can do there.”

“I’m not letting you go, Ayden, and I’m not going to give you any kind of room, so you better be prepared to deal with all of that for a long time. You promised forever and I plan on holding you to it.”

The hesitancy in his voice tore at my heart. I hated that I had put it there, hated that I had added to his insecurity. I knew all about wanting a steady and secure foundation for the future. I just never knew it was going to come in the form of a good-looking boy in too-tight pants holding a guitar and singing to me in a beautiful voice.

“Old me, new me and everything that’s in between or yet to come, all of it is yours, Jet.”

He pushed off the bed and stalked toward me, until we were toe-to-toe and I had to tilt my head back to look him in the eye.

“We can wait until your brother is all better to talk about this stuff. I have a couple days before I have to head back, and you look dead on your feet. I’m here to take care of you, not the other way around.”

I grabbed one of his hands that was hanging loosely at his side. It took a little bit of work to pry the fat silver ring off his finger, but when I had it free, I held it up between the two of us and looked him dead in the eye. He was watching me cautiously but didn’t ask me what I was doing.

“Do you love me, Jet? Despite it all, do you love me?”

“Ayden, I’m here. Of course I love you. I loved you before, I love you after, and I’ll love you for everything in-between.”

Had we not been in a grungy hotel room in Kentucky, there was a good chance that I would have gotten down on one knee to make the moment more dramatic, to prove to him just how serious I was about not running away anymore. But a girl had to have standards. I grabbed his left hand and put a kiss in the center of his palm.

“Jet Keller, I love you, and there is no future for me without you in it. I’m never going to bed with a man who isn’t you again. I don’t care if you’re a rock star or a car salesman, I just want there to be a ‘you and me’ forever. Will you marry me?”

I held his ring out in front of him and waited for him to answer me. His mouth opened and closed like a fish, and his eyes looked like they were going to bug out of his head. The entire thing would have been comical, if I hadn’t felt like I was going to swallow my tongue or pass out at any second.

“Are you serious right now?” I was surprised that his voice cracked a little. I had seen Jet in a lot of ways, but speechless and choked up wasn’t one of them.

“It doesn’t have to be today. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. Hell, it doesn’t have to be this year or five years from now. I want you to understand I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, and I’m never going to pick anyone over you, Jet, never again not even myself. This is it. You are it.”

“Shouldn’t I be giving one of those to you and singing you ballads?”

If he didn’t just answer me, I was going to kick him in the nuts.

“Jet, you already picked me. This is me doing the same thing now. Can you stop being difficult and just answer the damn question?”

He took the ring from me and put it back on his finger where it normally lived.

“Yes, Ayden Cross, I will gladly marry you. Supersmart chemistry major or barefoot country girl, it doesn’t matter to me, either. I just want me and you.”

I jumped into his arms and let him swing me around. This time when he kissed me it was full of promises and all kinds of good things to come.

“Now, as much as I want to put you in bed right now for a different reason, you really do look like you’re about to keel over, and I don’t even want to tell you how long I was on an airplane over the last few days. Let’s grab a few winks and get you back to your brother. You can share the good news with him.”

I nodded against his chest and let him lead me to the bed. I threw the ugly comforter on the floor and was glad to see the sheets were clean and at least visibly free of stains. I toed off my cowboy boots and flopped down, face first, and groaned as my head hit the flat pillow. As happy as I was to see him, as glad as I was that things between us were straight and there were no more secrets to hide, there was no way I could keep my eyes open any longer. I had to take a nap and get back to Asa. Jet climbed in beside me and pulled me on top of him so that I was using him as a pillow. I put my cheek on his heart, resting it on top of the death angel tattooed there, and closed my eyes. He stroked a hand from the top of my head to the base of my spine.

“Are we really gonna get married?”

I laughed a little. “Sure. Why not?”

“What if I want to do it sooner rather than later?”

I tapped the ball on his nipple ring through the fabric of his shirt with the tip of my fingernail.

“Whenever you want, Jet. I told you I’m not going anywhere.”

“I feel like I need to put a big-ass rock on your finger before I get back on that plane.”

I sighed and wrapped my hands around his waist.

“You can do whatever you want as long as I get a nap first.”

He snorted and said something I didn’t hear, because I couldn’t fight the pull of sleep anymore. With him here, I finally had a sense that everything had a chance of working out fine.

I slept like a log for two hours. The alarm on my phone went off after only one hour, but apparently I had been so out of it that Jet had turned it off and let me sleep for another full hour. When I woke up, I was rushing around, trying to take a quick shower and change into clean clothes, while he texted everyone back in Denver to update them on what was going on. He didn’t look any more rested than I felt, but he never complained, and when I told him I was probably going to have to stay overnight at the hospital again, he just shrugged and told me he would hang out until they made him leave.

When we walked into the intensive care unit, I noticed the way the nurses looked at us—well, looked at Jet, and not just because we were in the South and his style stood out. There was something about his wild hair and general swagger that just drew attention, primarily female attention, but I was okay with it. He was hot, he wore pants that were tight enough to leave little to the imagination, and he had eyes that were enough to break your heart between each blink. He was just something special and he was mine, so I was going to enjoy it. He put his arm around my shoulders and tucked me into his side when we walked into the room.

Asa didn’t look any better. He was still all bandaged up and he was still unconscious, but his chest was rising and falling in a steady rhythm so he wasn’t dead and at this point I was considering that a win. Jet sat in the chair that had been my home for the last few days and I reached over the side of the bed to pat the cast that encased Asa’s hand.

“Hey, big brother, I brought someone to meet you. You should wake up and say hi.”

I was a little choked up. It was hard to see him like this, and it was awful to think he might not wake up and that if he did, he wouldn’t be the same ornery son of a bitch he had always been.

Jet pulled me down on his lap and we sat like that for a long time. We talked about the tour and how he was tired of being on the road, but that seeing Europe was amazing. He told me about how he was considering starting a record label, which sounded like the perfect career for him, and how that meant he was going to have to do more traveling between Colorado, L.A., New York, and Austin. He sounded excited, and that meant I was excited for him. I told him about growing up in Woodward and how Asa was the best liar, the slickest con artist that had ever lived. I told him that he was nearly impossible to not love, but somehow when it mattered, he came through and acted like a big brother should. I told him about Silas and how he was the one who tried to break into the house. At that point, I thought he was going to stage a full-blown lynching party, and I offered to go scrounge up some coffee and snacks to calm him down.

When I walked past the nurses’ station, the two young nurses had their heads bent together and were talking about Jet’s very memorable backside. They both gave me a startled look and all I could do was shrug and agree. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

The line at the little café took a lot longer than I thought, and I wasn’t really hungry for anything, but I didn’t know when Jet had eaten last, so I grabbed a whole bunch of different stuff hoping something would tide him over. When I got back to the room, the door was open a crack so I could slip in, but I stopped because Jet was on his feet next to the bed talking to Asa’s prone form. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he sounded intense and I didn’t want to interrupt.

“I’m going to marry your sister.”

The idea that I was going to be with Jet forever still gave me the shivers.

“That means I’m going to protect her. That means I’m going to keep her safe and make sure nothing ever hurts her again. I’m going to give her everything she ever wanted and anything she ever needs. When you wake up”—he paused and I could almost feel how hard he was trying to impress upon Asa what he was saying even though he was unconscious—“if you try to be anything to her but an awesome brother, a supportive, loving part of our family, I swear on everything you believe in, that what those bikers did to you will look like a picnic when I’m done with you. I love her and I will not let anyone use her, or manipulate her again. I hope nearly dying gives you the wake-up call you so clearly needed, because you have an amazing sister who loves you and is willing to put up with a lot of shit. We can have this chat again when you can respond, but I thought it was best to just get it out of the way now.”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry at that, so instead I just cleared my throat so he knew I was coming, and made my way the rest of the way into the room. I handed him the coffee and the snacks and put my hand on his lower back and kissed him on the cheek.

“The nurses outside think you have a nice butt, even if it is encased in some girly-ass purple pants.”

He lifted and eyebrow.

“I like my pants.”

“Me, too. I like what’s in them even more.”

He groaned and opened one of the sandwiches I handed him.

“Don’t go there, Ayd. It’s been a while.”

I looked at him over my shoulder and stroked one of Asa’s finger with mine. It was about the only visible skin on his body that didn’t have a tube coming out of it or gauze wrapped around it.

“There was no pretty French girl or sexy Spanish chick to keep you company?” I didn’t really want the answer to that question, but I figured I should ask. It wouldn’t change things, but I felt like I needed to know.

“No. What about you? Sweater Vest was blowing up your phone when I left.”

I shook my head in the negative.

“Adam is a really nice guy, but he isn’t you. That was the problem with him all along.”

I felt him run his hand up the back of my bare thigh and I had to suppress the shivers that trailed in their wake.

“When do you have to leave?”

“I have four days and then I need to hook back up with the guys in Amsterdam. If you need me to stay, I will.”

I looked back at him and gave him a sad, lopsided smile. “No. I don’t know what his condition is going to look like over the next few days. If I need to, I’ll call the girls.”

“You should let them come anyway. They’re both worried sick over you.”

I sighed and went over to prop myself up in the arm of the chair. He put a hand on my knee and I covered it with my own.

“It was just me and Asa growing up. Mama was always off doing her own thing. Granted, he wasn’t always the best caretaker. Frankly, he was a piece of crap most of the time and he used me in ways I don’t really want to think about right now, but we’re family no matter how dysfunctional it is. I kind of feel like it should be that way now. If he takes a turn for the worse, it needs to be me and him, ya know?”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this, Ayd, and I’m sorry for whatever you felt you had to do in the past.”

“Me, too.”

We fell into a kind of pattern the next two days. I didn’t want Jet to have to be at the hospital the entire time, so I sent him back to the hotel to sleep when visiting hours were over, and I stayed with Asa. I would go back in the morning for a shower and we would grab breakfast and then spend the bulk of the day keeping vigil over my brother. There was no change in his condition, which everyone tried to convince me was a good thing, but I wasn’t sure I bought it. He was still unconscious, still needed a ventilator to breathe, and there was no miraculous recovery showing on any of the scans of his brain.

Jet was a champ. He took it all in stride and never once complained or griped that he had come all this way to sleep alone in a sketchy hotel and drink awful hospital coffee by the gallons. If I hadn’t already loved him, this would have sealed the deal. He was just rock solid, and the only entertainment we had during the day was watching the nurses, all of them from the sixty-year-old ladies to the younger techs, try to get his attention. He was quickly becoming the star of the intensive care unit. At one point, he decided to sing me every old Southern folk song he could think of—“Little Birdie,” “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow,” “Amazing Grace”—it was like a private little concert, and by the time he was done, every single female who worked in the intensive care unit was as in love with him as I was.

It was the day before he had to leave and we were both tired and starting to think things with Asa were at a standstill. I could tell Jet felt bad that he had to go, that he was worried about me, and the idea of leaving me alone made him nervous. I had to promise to call if Asa turned a corner either way, and he insisted that if I was going to be there for another week, I should bring in reinforcements. It was bittersweet. He was so wonderful for putting his life on hold for me, and made it so clear that he was in this for the long haul, that I wished he was going back on tour knowing I would be fine. I wished that Asa would wake up and things would just go back to normal. Since none of that looked like it was going to happen, I just tried to reassure him that everything would be fine either way, and that I would still be here when the tour was over.

I was talking to Asa in a low voice, telling him all about the crew back in D-town, about Rule and Shaw and their crazy love story. I told him all about Cora and how wild she was, how fun and unpredictable she was. I told him about Nash and Rowdy, and explained that my guy had the best friends that anyone could ask for, but mostly I told him all about Jet. I told him about how talented he was, how kind he was, how I had loved him from the first minute I saw him onstage. I told him all about the rocky road I had traveled to finally reach him, and how I never really thought someone like Jet was going to be my end game. I talked and talked and somewhere in the middle of my telling him how happy I really was and how great my life was, even if he had stumbled in and messed it all, up his fingers started to twitch.

At first I thought I was just imagining things. I thought it was just wishful thinking, but then they did it again and I looked up, and eyes that matched my own were looking back at me.

I freaked out and had every nurse on the floor rushing in to poke and prod at him. I was systematically shoved out of the way while people moved around him and took his vitals and nudged at all his tubes and wires. They were droopy and unfocused, but those whiskey-colored eyes stayed locked on mine and I knew, just knew, that he was going to be okay. When Jet showed up, I was an incoherent mess. All I could really explain was that Asa had opened his eyes and that his fingers had moved, and that all the medical staff seemed optimistic, which was a good sign. It was such a good sign, in fact, that the staff insisted I finally go to the hotel for the night since this was a huge hurdle cleared. I initially didn’t want to go, in case he woke up again and was aware, but it was Jet’s last night and he was going to be gone for a solid two months. Sexy text messages and phone sex only went so far.

Jet got me into the rental car and when he left the hospital parking lot, I didn’t even notice when he went the opposite direction of the hotel. I was lost in thought, and so elated that Asa had at least opened his eyes, that I paid zero attention until he pulled up in front of the Brown Hotel. He was taking us to the nicest, most elegant and expensive hotel in town. My shorts and boots, and his combat boots and Lacuna Coil T-shirt were not appropriate wear for this old and expensive place, but he didn’t seem to care.

“What are we doing here?”

“It’s my last night in town. It’s the only night I get to spend with you for the next two months, so I’m doing it in style.”

I didn’t argue and he clearly already had a reservation. We checked in with the guy behind the counter sneering at us the entire time. That seemed to amuse Jet to no end, so I just kept my mouth shut and let him haul our stuff up to the fancy room. I had to admit the idea of sleeping in a real bed with sheets that I knew for a fact were clean turned me on almost as much as the idea of getting him naked on top of them.

“Oh, Jet, this is just . . .”

Where I hadn’t wanted to get down on one knee on dirty carpet, he didn’t have the same problem here. I gasped a little when I turned around and found him on his knees in front of me. I put a hand to my mouth when he handed me a ring that was as unique as he was. It was platinum and in the center was a sparkling topaz, surrounded by a bunch of tiny canary yellow diamonds. I had never seen anything like it and had no idea where he had found something like that here.

“I told you I wanted to put a big-ass rock on your finger before I left.”

I took the ring with shaking fingers. “It’s so pretty. Where on earth did you find it?”

“Rowdy. I told him to find me something that matched your eyes and send me a bunch of pictures, then overnight the sucker. My boy has good taste and you have beautiful eyes.”

“He does. I love it. I love you.”

“I just wanted you to know that you weren’t alone when I left. This makes it feel more real to me.”

I put the ring on and just looked at him. He was perfect, tattoos, piercings, messy hair, and too-tight jeans, all those things that made him Jet were wonderful and unique. With him I could always just be me whatever form that happened to be, and that was a gift no one but him had ever been able to give me. It would keep me tied to him forever. I had his ring, I had his love, and I had him, and there was only one way I could think of to thank him and show him my appreciation and the fact that I would be a happy girl to just be with him forever. He didn’t know what to do when I tackled him to the ground and started kissing him all over on the plush carpet of the fancy hotel room. Well, he didn’t know what to do for a second, but this was Jet after all, and he caught on real quickly; we were bound to set the place on fire in no time.