Текст книги "Jet"

Автор книги: Jay Crownover

Соавторы: Jay Crownover
сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Chapter 9

Ayden

I was running late, which wasn’t like me. But now that I wasn’t spending my nights alone and Jet had a thing for waking me up with his hands and mouth in places that made me blush to think about, it was becoming much more common.

I hadn’t heard from Asa in two days and while everyone was still on edge from the attempted break-in (which I knew was somehow tied to my brother), I hadn’t seen the familiar stranger lurking around anymore. Things were just going along as normal, and I had a sinking feeling that keeping things with Jet on a manageable level was going to be a challenge. The man and the musician in him had layers upon layers that I had never stopped to notice before, and now that I knew that the reality of him so surpassed the fantasy of him, I could feel myself falling into a place I had no intention of going.

Everything he did, he did with an intensity and focus that I had never realized he possessed. He was driven and apparently very much in demand. His phone rang at all hours of the day and night, and he was always running off to set this or that show up, or handle this or that crisis for a band.

There was something going on with his own band that had him keyed up and on edge. He didn’t want to talk about it, but from what I had pieced together, the other guys wanted him to get on board with some kind of tour, and they were annoyed that he just wouldn’t agree. There were also the calls that left him moody and surly for hours on end, and when I asked about those, he would just shrug and change the subject. Since I wasn’t ready to have him pull apart my past, I figured it was best to just let it go. Only it hurt to see the way he struggled with whatever was going on. It also shocked me how much I wanted to be able to help him.

Then there was the fact that he sang to me every night. I don’t know how I was supposed to stop myself from completely falling in love with him, to stop myself from building dreams of something more with him, when every night I fell asleep to that amazing voice lulling me with songs about love and loss. For a guy with a giant tattoo of death on his chest, and devil horns spiked into his ears, he sure knew a lot of old country songs and Southern folk songs. Some nights it was Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline; other nights it was Hank Williams Sr. and Waylon Jennings. I didn’t really like older country, but there was no denying when Jet sang it to me, I could see the difference in the quality of the songwriting compared to what I typically listened to. I also knew that despite all my best intentions there was quickly becoming no other place that I wanted to be than in his arms.

It reminded me of being little and thinking that it was so sad that my mom never sang us lullabies when she put us to bed. All good Southern moms sang to their kids. It was just one more thing that I had missed out on, and had found in this new life I had built for myself.

I was trying to remember if I had finished my homework and if I had grabbed my uniform for work, when I came to a grinding halt. At the base of the stairs that led to the Science building stood two familiar figures, and my stomach dropped all the way to my toes. Adam was nodding his head enthusiastically and a familiar blond was using his hands to dramatically gesture, making Adam throw back his head and laugh.

It wasn’t good that Asa was here, and it was even worse that he had somehow picked out Adam as someone tied to me. I narrowed my eyes at my brother when he turned around and caught sight of me. He grinned and showed all his teeth, and I immediately knew he was up to something. This was his good-ole-boy act and it was designed to be charming and beguiling, while he robbed his victim blind or left a path of destruction in his wake.

“What are you doing here?”

I tried not to flinch when he wrapped an arm around me, and gave me what was supposed to be a brotherly hug. I knew Asa, and this was his way of warning me to play along or there would be consequences.

“Well, you’ve been so busy with school, work, and all your friends, I figured I would just come see where my baby sister is spending all her time. I ran into this here fella and he mentioned you guys were pretty close. I told him it was good that you had a gentleman keeping an eye on you, that you deserve only the best.”

I glared at him out of the corner of my eye and dug my elbow into his ribs until he let me go. “I told you I was busy. I don’t have time to entertain you.” I stared at him until he was forced to look away. I didn’t want him here and whatever he thought he was doing with Adam was stopping right now. “I’m already late for class. We can touch base later.”

I wanted Asa on the first plane back to Kentucky.

Adam touched my arm lightly and gave me his typically friendly grin. “I have some free time. I can show your brother around campus while you’re in class, if you want.”

Oh hell no, that was the last thing I wanted. Adam was too nice of a guy to be left alone with Asa. My brother was working some kind of angle and I needed to figure out what it was.

“No, that’s okay.” I said it at the same time Asa chirped, “That’ll be great.”

We glared at each other out of matching amber eyes. Before, all I had ever wanted was for Asa to protect me, and to take care of me because we were family. I wanted him to see and appreciate the sacrifices made for him. It was only now that I understood that blood didn’t make family and that sacrifice didn’t matter. I had made bad decision after bad decision time and again for my brother, but now I had my own life and my own path, and he wasn’t going to screw it up or drag me back.

Adam must have sensed the tension building between us, because he cleared his throat and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “Well, I’m going to get some coffee. Asa, it was nice to meet you and if you want, the offer of a tour is open, but I’ll let you guys figure it out. Ayd, I gotta say it’s good to see you, you look good.”

I sighed and grabbed my brother’s arm as he made a move to follow Adam. “Thanks. It was nice to see you, too.”

I held on to Asa until Adam disappeared, then jerked him around so that we were face-to-face. I poked him hard in the center of the chest and was satisfied to see him wince.

“What. The. Fuck.”

He rubbed his palm over the place I jabbed and narrowed his eyes at me. “What happened to all those Southern manners you used to have?”

“What are you trying to pull, Asa? I already told you I’m not going there with you anymore. If you think Adam is a pawn, then you are wrong. He’s smart and he’s broke. College students don’t have any money.”

He pushed his blond hair away from his face and propped his hip on the stair rail. I saw a couple of younger girls check him out and wanted to scream at them that guys like Asa were poison, and that they should have a natural defense mechanism to warn them away from men like him. He grinned back at them and then turned to me with nothing but cold calculation in his eyes. This was the Asa I knew. This was the brother that I had fought so hard to separate myself from.

“He might be broke, but his family isn’t, and that boy is head-over-heels in love with you. When I told him I was your older brother, I think it was all he could do not to ask for your hand in marriage.”

I took a step back, like he had physically struck me, and blinked my eyes. “It’s not like that between us. We had a casual thing going on but it’s over.”

“Over for you, not even close for him. He doesn’t even care that you’re hooking up with the guy in the band. I bet he thinks it’s just a phase. After all, what girl can resist a guy in a band, right, Ayd?”

I had to concentrate on my breathing. The fact that he knew about Adam was bad, and the fact that he knew about Jet was worse. I felt my hands curl into tight fists at my sides.

“What is going on, Asa? For real? I’m not playing games with you anymore and if you don’t come clean with me, I have no problem letting several very large, very tattooed guys know that you were behind the break-in at my house. I swear it won’t end in a way you like.”

He narrowed his eyes at me because he hated being threatened, and being threatened by me was just unheard of.

“I told you I was in trouble.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and tried not to shiver. “What kind of trouble?”

“I took something that didn’t belong to me and now some really bad, really pissed-off people want it back.”

Now there was no stopping the shiver. “What did you take?”

Eyes that matched mine flared with genuine fear and I felt my stomach turn into a cement brick.

“Let’s just say it wasn’t something I can easily replace.”

I figured he meant drugs or money and that meant the people were not bad, but really bad. Once again he was in a situation that was going to lead to the jail or the grave.

“How much money?”

He didn’t answer for a long time. He looked at something over my head for a solid five minutes before letting his gaze settle back on mine.

“Twenty thousand.”

I wanted to throw up. It felt like a punch in the gut. I squeezed my eyes closed and concentrated on breathing in and out slowly.

“Oh my God!”

“I’m in deep, Ayd. They’re going to kill me if I don’t do something.”

“So you’re first thought was, of course, to come screw up everything I’ve worked so hard to build here. It was to come ask me to bail you out like I always do, no matter what that meant for me?”

“We’re family, we take care of each other and do what we have to do to survive.”

I gritted my teeth. “Yeah, only that always meant I had to take care of you, Asa. I’m done. I’m not sleeping with anyone to keep you from getting your legs broken, because that is the only option. I’m not hanging out with guys that are too old for me, or only interested in using me to get you in the door anymore. I’m not doing lines of coke to numb myself and forget how crappy doing all the things I used to do made me feel. I’ve got a good thing going on here and I’m not going to let you or your idiotic choices mess it up.”

He scowled at me. “You won’t help me, but you’ll sleep around with any guy who can play the guitar?”

It was as close as my brother, my flesh and blood, had ever come to admitting that he had some kind of idea of the deplorable things I’d taken upon myself to do in order to keep him in one piece. It made me feel worse about it than I normally did, and I had beaten myself up over the truly awful decisions I’d made back then on a regular basis.

I poked him in the chest again and got in his face. “I sleep with who I want when I want, Asa. You have no right to say anything, after everything I’ve done for you. I’ll tell you one time: leave Jet alone. He isn’t a nice guy like Adam. He isn’t stupid, and the bumpkin act you have going on isn’t going to fool him.”

He jumped off the stair and glowered up at me. “Oh yeah, and how do you think all your fancy new friends are going to feel about Good-Time Ayd? Do any of them know what you used to do for fun, how you used to get by? Do any of them know where the real you came from, or do they all just see the polished version and take it at face value? Even if Rocker Boy is cool with it, what about the rest of them? Could he still look at you the same if the rest of them decided you were nothing but trailer trash?”

I sucked in a breath and rocked back on my heels. That was exactly what I was afraid of, but it was a cut that went miles deep coming from him. Half those trips around the block had been because of him because I was forever wanting to save him. Most of the things that I wanted to keep buried now were because of him. To this day I still never had concrete proof that Asa had any idea of the lengths I had gone to to keep him alive and breathing. And if he did know, how he could dare ask me to give him even more. And if he didn’t know, the fact that he never asked any questions about it was frankly just as heartbreaking. I loved my brother, and I liked to think somewhere in someplace inside he loved me back, but I just wasn’t sure and that’s why I could never trust him fully.

I pulled the cloak of indifference that I had been building since the last time I saw Woodward around me and headed up the steps so I could go to class without bothering to engage him further. I was pissed because the class was now almost halfway over.

“It doesn’t matter. What I’m doing with Jet is none of your business, and I have no intention of being invested enough to let my past matter or not. Stay away from Adam, and stay away from me. If I can think of a way to help you with the money, I will, but this is it, Asa. I’m not doing this with you or for you. I think it would kill me to have to bury you after everything I’ve done for you, and I deserve better than that.”

“I don’t have a whole lot of time for this to happen, Ayd, so even if you can’t help I still have to figure something out.”

“I guess you should have thought about that before you decided to rip a bunch of criminals off.”

He put that smile on again that made my skin crawl. “A leopard can’t change its spots, sis. Maybe it would do you some good to remember that.”

I watched him walk away and felt like the world was shifting under my feet. Asa was ruthless—he was a survivor and he didn’t care who he hurt or who he stepped on to get what he wanted. I needed to come up with something fast or he was going to systematically dismantle my entire life here in Denver.

I let out a startled yelp when a hand landed on my shoulder. Shaw held up her hands in surrender and laughed at me.

“A little bit jumpy, are we?”

I groaned and shoved my hands through my hair. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Her bright green eyes sharpened with concern. “Is everything all right?”

She was my best friend. She loved me and I knew she wouldn’t judge me. Only letting her all the way in, letting her have access to all the dirt and vitriol Asa brought up, froze me solid from the inside out.

“Yeah, I guess I’m just on edge still. You know, keeping both eyes open and all that.”

“It’s probably better to be safe than sorry.”

I nodded absently and resigned myself to the fact I was going to miss class and have to figure out a way to get my hands on a whole lot of money really fast.

“What’s been going on with you?”

She rolled her eyes and tucked her long hair behind her ears. “Still arguing with Rule about the house. I told him that I would love to move into one with him, if he let me put down half of the down payment. He lost his mind.”

I followed her up the stairs and let her talk while I nodded and listened sympathetically. We stopped outside the classroom for my next class and I tugged on the end of her braid to get her to take a breath.

“Shaw, think about this from his perspective for just a second. This is a guy who has a hard time making bonds with anyone, has a hard time committing to anything, and he wants to buy you a home. You offering to pay for half of it makes logical sense to me and you, because you have more money than God, but to him it’s taking something he’s trying to do for you, for the two of you together, and making it less important. Besides, it’s money that comes from your folks, who hate him, and he wouldn’t want to accept a freaking penny from those people after the way they’ve treated you. He wants to do this for you, Shaw. Why shouldn’t he take care of you? You loved him unconditionally for years and years. Can’t this be your reward for that?”

She blinked at me with big eyes and then groaned. “Well, crap. Why didn’t I see that?”

I laughed. “Because you’re trying to prevent yourself from being hurt. That boy would rather chew off his own arm than hurt you again. Just chill out and enjoy loving each other.”

She raised a pale brow at me and pushed open the door to the classroom. She already had her phone out and was texting Rule. I really wanted what was best for them. They had had a hard road and deserved a break.

“Where did all this romantic insight suddenly come from? Did Jet get under your skin or what?”

Jet was under more than just my skin. He was doing things to me that were downright scary, and with Asa looming in the background, I needed to get it all together or risk it exploding in painful bits and pieces around me. I needed the control, the firm hand on my life I had maintained since landing in Denver years ago. I needed to remember that I was the one in charge of my fate, not Asa and not Jet.

“Jet is a lot different from what I really thought he was. There’s a whole lot there I never really anticipated or fully appreciated.” I wasn’t just referring to what was in his pants, either.

Shaw was smiling at whatever had come back at her on her phone, but she answered me anyway.

“It’s really easy to think that these guys are just one way because of how they look and how they talk, but once they let you in it’s an entirely different ball game.”

I sighed and dug a pencil out of my bag. “I really like him, Shaw. I mean like him. He sings to me at night and it makes my heart hurt. The way he looks at me, I feel like he’s trying to pull me apart and put me back together in an even better way.”

Her mouth fell open a little. “Wow.”

“I know. I’m not ready for any of that with him.”

“Why not? If he makes you feel that way, why wouldn’t you just jump in with both feet?”

“Because then I wouldn’t be in control of what’s happening between us anymore.”

She was going to say something back, but had to stop because the teacher started class and we had to pay attention. My life felt like it was suddenly spinning out of control. All I wanted was to build myself a rock-solid road to the future, a way to never end up back where I was. Now not only was my past staring at me like a loaded gun, but my future was tied up with a guy who didn’t care about security and stability, but made me feel like I was the only thing in the world that mattered to him. It was confusing and stressful, and the more time I spent worrying about it, the heavier that brick of cement in my gut got. Jet was a great guy, but the problem was, I wasn’t exactly a great girl, and I just didn’t know if I was ready for him to know that. I knew for sure I wasn’t ready to turn the reins of whatever our relationship was or wasn’t over to him.

After class was over, I knew Shaw wanted to rehash what we had been talking about, but I needed to go there like I needed a hole in the head, so I bolted when she was distracted by a classmate asking her about an assignment. I had bigger problems to tackle, like where in the hell I could come up with money for Asa. Realistically, I knew I could ask Shaw for help. She might not have that kind of money just lying around, but she was the only person that I knew who could more than likely come close to getting her hands on it. I had about five grand in savings, but it went quickly between school and rent, and there was no way that would be enough to keep Asa breathing, if he was in as deep as I thought or it was as bad as he was hinting at.

I had two more classes and was scheduled to work a closing shift, but I needed to get ahold of my mom to make sure she was okay. I called her twice but it went to voice mail, and I tried not to panic. It made my skin crawl that Asa could be so reckless and so thoughtless as to how his actions affected everyone around him. I had hoped and prayed that when I left Woodward, I was leaving behind all the awful things my brother dragged around with him.

Shaw sent me a text that let me know, in no uncertain terms, that we were not finished talking, and I started to dread having to work my shift with her. I wasn’t sure what to do about Jet, and trying to explain things to her wasn’t helping me figure it out. I was running across the parking lot because I was late again and needed to get downtown, when my phone rang. Since my mom was finally calling me back, I ground to a stop and answered her with a breathless, “Hey, Mama.”

“Why have you been calling me all day, Ayden? I’m busy.”

That was my mother—perpetually stuck at sixteen years old and knocked up. I don’t think she had ever emotionally matured beyond that.

“Did you know Asa was coming to Denver?”

“Of course I did. He misses you and wanted to see you.”

I had to bite my lip to try not to swear at her. “No, Mama, he owes some people back home a lot of money. He’s here so I can help him, as usual.”

“Asa is a good boy, Ayd. It’s good to help your brother.”

It was always the same thing. Every time he went to jail, every time he had thugs pounding on the door, every time he used me or used her, he was always just a good boy in her eyes and that would never change.

“All right, Mama. Just be careful, okay.”

“You worry too much, girl. Being at that fancy school hasn’t done nothing but made you like all those folks from here you used to turn your nose up at and run circles around.”

I sighed and closed my eyes and tightened my fingers around the phone. “Things change.”

She snorted. “No, baby girl, people change. Things just stay the same.”

That was the attitude that was going to keep her in a trailer in Woodward the rest of her life. I hung up the phone and was getting ready to climb in the Jeep and head to work when I heard my name. Shaw was running across the parking lot and talking rapidly into her phone. I tossed my stuff in the passenger seat and rounded the hood so I could meet her halfway. We worked the same shift so I assumed that she was having car problems or that something had come up with Rule and she was going to call out. What I wasn’t prepared for was for her to grab my arm and gasp, “Jet’s in jail!”

At first I thought she was joking. After all, I had left him snuggled up and satisfied this morning on my way to class. I couldn’t figure how he had found himself in enough trouble to get arrested between then and now. I laughed a little.

“You have to be kidding.”

She shook her head, blond hair flying in all directions. “No. Cora just called me. All three of the guys just left the shop. I guess he called Rowdy to bail him out but they all went. She said she had to threaten Nash with bodily harm to get him to tell her what was going on. She tried to call you, but it went to voice mail.”

I looked at the screen of my phone and did indeed have two missed calls from Cora while I had been talking to my mom. I just blinked at it stupidly, while trying to piece together what was happening to my once orderly life.

“Why is he in jail?”

“She couldn’t say. The guys all left in the middle of appointments and she was scrambling to reschedule and hold down the fort. Do you want me to take you to the police station? You look a little pale.”

I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I wanted to run away to a place where Asa was back in Kentucky, to a place where I lusted after Jet in silence and pretended that I could make a relationship with Adam work out. I shook my head and turned back to the Jeep.

“If he wanted me there, he would have called me and not Rowdy. I need to get to work.”

“Ayden?” I could hear the question in her tone, but I just held up a hand. I needed some sense of normalcy, some kind of pattern that I was accustomed to, back for just a second.

“Not now, Shaw. I’ll talk to him when I get home. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but if it was bad enough to get him arrested, chances are the boys are a better fit for him right now than I am.”

She frowned at me, and for the first time since we had met when we were freshmen, I could actually see her judging me and finding me lacking. “I don’t know that I agree with that, Ayd.”

I just shook my head at her. “Well, it isn’t up to you. I’ll see you at work.”

I saw her knit her brow in confusion as I pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward the bar. My mind was spinning in a million different directions and I was having a really difficult time putting all my thoughts in their assigned boxes. I was worried about Asa, worried about Jet, and maybe, more important than either of those things, I was worried about myself.

I could feel the control slipping away, feel the walls I had erected to prevent these very things from happening start to crumble, and I was holding it all together by only the skin of my teeth. Who I was and who I wanted to be were being torn into separate parts, and the me that was left was vulnerable and raw. I had no idea how to stitch it all back together again, or even if I wanted to.