Текст книги "Never Give Up"

Автор книги: Heidi Lis

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PULLING A SHIRT over my head, I’m singing the lyrics to Fight Song by Rachel Platten, making my way to the kitchen. Nick came in with us when we got back from Starbucks and stayed until his questions were too much for me to handle. I swear, sometimes he needs to learn to back off. Announcing I was going to take a shower, I hoped he would take the hint and leave. It worked.

He pushed me today with lots of personal questions, starting with asking when the last time I spoke with my parents was. To be honest, I’m not sure. Two weeks, maybe. It’s an uncomfortable subject to approach with me, and he knows why.

To make matters worse, Nick is their investment banker. That small rift between us is another reason I don’t date him. He likes my parents way too much, and he knows the way they treated me back in high school. He knows it all.

“You realize Elsa, they also lost out, it’s not only you.” Their choice, not mine, I scream in my mind.

That comment from him made me want to punch his lights out. He may think he was trying to be helpful, but I did not take it that way. He was sticking his nose where it was not welcome.

Grabbing water from the refrigerator, I shake off all of those thoughts and sit down next to a grinning Liza who is typing into her phone a mile a minute. “Wow, must be good from the look on your face,” I revealed.

“Oh my God, he is so freaking hot.” Liza expressed, dropping the phone in her lap. Throwing her head back against the couch, she let out a passionate sigh. “He’s getting more brave and sexy in his messages.” Licking her finger, she holds it up giving a sizzling sound. “He may be the one.”

She can’t hide her giddiness for him. Its non-stop talk about the things he makes her feel. A part of me is beyond happy to see her so into this guy, then another part of me feels like I’m missing out. All those firsts you get to have with someone, yeah, I miss those.

Forcing a drink of water, I’m drowning out my slight pang of jealousy. I find it hard to breathe as my chest constricts. “At least one of us is lucky. I can dream of the wild sex I’m not having, through you.” Shifting my head, I realize she is not paying any attention at all. She’s blushing and typing back a message.

It’s time like these that Micah filters in my mind. I have yet to allow myself to date anyone. Part of the problem is, no one has ever appealed to me. Not the way Micah did. I can’t seem to escape him, no matter how hard I’ve tried. Maybe a part of me doesn’t want to forget him. Forgetting him might mean I will also forget a part of me that is locked down tight in my heart. That part of my heart, cries out in the middle of the night, just enough to make sure I never forget. It’s highly unlikely, but then again, I realize just how much of a broken mess I am.

Liza’s fingers freeze as she pauses, it's then I notice she is studying me. I can imagine the look on my face. It’s the same look I always have when I remember back to my thoughts that still haunt me.

“You’re spacing out again, Pip. Jesus, honey, you need to either let him go, or hunt his ass down. What's it been, four or five years?” Her bitchiness hurts, because she has no clue it’s not just him I miss. No, my pain doesn’t extend to just him. Her attitude is yet another reason I’ve not told her about it.

I don’t answer her right away. Finding peace to let it all go is not a feat I’ve been able to carry out yet. She drops it, for now.

“Okay, Ace is taking me out for dinner and drinks. What to wear?” Her puzzled expression diminishes as her eyes go wide, looking straight at me. I know what she’s doing, she wants to borrow one of my dresses. I love to buy beautiful clothes. Clothes I never wear, but idiotically enough, when I see a bargain, I have to buy it.

My groan and eye rolling don’t even phase her in the least. “Which one do you want?” I say with a deep, weighted sigh.

I’m sure I don’t even need to ask, she’s been eyeing this one since the day I hung it up in my closet. It’s a black, form fitted dress with sequins around the neck and down each side. The plunging neckline is perfect for showing off your chest. Someday I would dare myself to wear it out.

Liza jumped up off the couch screeching. “Oh goodie, the black one.”

See? I knew it. The dress is new with the tags still attached. Sometimes I wish we were not around the same size. Wonder what she would do then? She’s marginally taller than me at around 5’5”, this dress would hit my knees, but for her, it will rest higher on her thighs. We also have similar features, the only difference is my chest is larger than hers. Her hair is thick and lustrous as it flows against her back. My hair is long and most days pulled back in a ponytail. I dress for simplicity where Liza goes for style. Her blonde hair to my dark brown. We are close to what matters when you want to swap clothes. Looking at her, she is the perfect image of a Barbie Doll.

“Go on girlfriend, get beautified,” I’m happy knowing one of us would get some use out of this spectacular dress.

“Sweet, love you so much. You’re the best, ever.” She says, before blowing me a kiss.

Her eyes twinkle as the sequins in the dress bounce off the light in my room. “Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. Go get ready.” A part of me is excited to see how great she will look in it. All I can think is I sure hope her guy, Ace, is ready for her dressed up in this outfit. When Liza gets all dressed up to go out, she is a total knockout. The girl is gorgeous, witty and damn funny. She’s the total package, plus she comes with no baggage. The complete opposite of me.

My phone rings, interrupting my thoughts. My smile widens as I see his name pop up. Yet again, he knows when I need him.

“Hello.”

“What’s up girl?” Nick is always happy and over the top full of energy. I call him the energizer bunny. Whenever I do, he always responds with, “want to find out for yourself?” I’ve known him for some time, and his dream is to take our friendship to the next level. I’m the one putting the brakes on it. He’s handsome and sweet, but I’m not ready to take that next step with him. He’s been my best friend for so long and I don’t want to ruin that. My parents have been the other issue. We need to talk about, for sure.

“Not much, we need to talk about what happened earlier.” It’s a way to remind him how annoyed I was with him earlier today.

“I know, but save it. I’m sitting here waiting for you to call and ask me out on a date, I can make it up to you then?”

I can’t help but laugh. “You don’t stop, do you? But to be honest, it’s nice to know I have you at my beck and call, waiting for me. I’m a lucky girl.” Honest to God, this boy is too good to me.

His sudden growl lets me know he’s a tad bit frustrated. “That you are. Now if I could just get you to take me up on my offer to take us to the next level, I would be one damn lucky son-of-a-bitch.”

With a shake of my head, I wonder if he will ever get it. “That would be a tragedy, Nick. I refuse to ruin what friendship we have for what, sex?” I soften my tone. “You’re too important, I can’t lose you.”

His pause lets me know he’s at least pondering what I said. “Damn it El, it won’t ruin a damn thing. I’m good for you and you know it. It’s him, isn’t it? I’ve never met the jackass, and I hope I never do. Not sure I could keep from beating his ass.”

Oh God! “See? Right there, that would ruin it for me. I can’t take that chance. Please, just don’t…just be you. I need you to be my friend.”

“Fine, just know I hate this. You deserve to be happy and have a life. You’re like an old lady before your time. Are you happy not having sex? What the hell?”

It’s a good thing he is on the phone or I might have punched him for that remark. “Oh, I am NOT. I’m living through Liza. She has enough sex for the both of us.” I’m surprised by his display of anger or frustration, not sure which. I do what I always do, turn the conversation away from me to someone else, like Liza.

“TMI, that girl just scares me. Have you heard her stories with this guy, Ace? That poor bastard doesn’t stand a chance with her.” Nick and Liza’s friendship is closer than I even realize. He seems to know more about her latest guy than I do.

I know he’s only half kidding, Liza is a wild child who loves to share her sordid stories. I can’t help laughing, so hard I have to wipe the tears from my eyes. “Oh stop it, she’s getting ready now for a hot date with him.”

“And let me guess, she has raided your closet. So she has a hot looking outfit ready for her hot and heavy sex she will have later tonight? Not to mention, when she returns it, you can be left to clean her stained dress. Or should I say your stained dress. The least she could do is wash the damn thing before she returns it. Shit is gross.” What the hell?

Sadly each word he speaks is the truth, and I wince hearing it. I’m not sure how he knows any of this.

“How the hell do you know she doesn’t wash them before she returns them?” Okay, I’m bit horrified. I sound pathetic.

“Ah, well most times I am at your place, and I’ve seen her toss the clothes on your bedroom floor. Bitch has no clue.” He says criticizing.

Running a hand through my hair, clearly frustrated, I let out a heavy sigh. “Listen, Liza lives for herself. It’s just the way she is, and I’ve grown to expect her to act a certain way. None of which surprises me anymore.” Needing to change the subject. “Hey, why don’t you come on over, so we can order pizza and watch a movie?”

No, hesitation. “It’s a date, good looking.”

“Nick, not a date, just a hangout. Now shut it, and get over here. I’m starving, and if you are not here soon, I pick the movie.” I know this will drive him insane, it’s a guaranteed ‘see you soon,’ response before he hangs up.

“Shit, on my way, your movie choices suck.” Click.

I knew that would work, and my movie choices don’t suck.

A knock comes from my door, turning around, I find Liza modeling her outfit for the evening. She’s leaning against the door frame, with one had on her hip.

“Hey, Pip, what do you think?” Her smile is bright as ever.

I whistle. “Wow, you look smoking hot.” My mouth is left open as I take in her appearance. She looks damn sexy, her hair’s curled with locks spiraled down her back. Her make-up is spot on, and her legs look like they go on for miles. Yeah, her guy…well, he’s a lucky man. If he is half as sexy as her, they could set the world on fire.

Leaving my room, she’s grabbing her things and getting ready to leave. She quickly turns around to face me. “You know I told Ace all about how awesome you are. He can’t wait to meet you.”

She’s moving so fast, picking up things to add to her purse, I would say she’s nervous tonight. Pausing, as if she’s remembered something, she holds up her finger, grabbing her heels from the closet.

“Loves the name Pip, he says it's unique.” She’s leaning over trying to put on her shoe. No clue why she is telling me this.

“Um, okay,” I remark slightly embarassed.

“Liza, that’s not my name. You told him my name didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I told him Pip, it’s your name.” She says with a wink.

I give up. “Whatever, I need to get ready. Nick is coming over for a movie and dinner.”

Liza all but swoons with an evil grin. “Nice, are you ever going to put that boy out of his misery and screw his brains out?” She asks and I gasp.

Covering my mouth, I swat my hand toward her squealing. “Not. Christ Liza, you know he’s my friend, no matter how hard he tries for more.”

To avoid another conversation about Nick, I keep my eyes glued to the floor. She pauses, then walks over and puts her arm around my shoulder.

Relaxing my shoulders, I sigh. “Hey, I’m okay. Have fun, rock his world.” Raising my head, I glance at her with a grin. It’s my way of letting her know I’m fine.

With eyes locked on mine, she puckers her lips. “Um, okay. I will have enough fun for the both of us.” Straightening my black dress, it’s like a second skin on her. She stands in front of the floor length mirror and applies ruby red lipstick to her lips. In two point five seconds, she will no doubt have it all kissed off her face. I’m watching her, puzzled, as she sticks her index finger into her mouth, wraps her lips tightly around it and pulls it out. When she pushes it back in, my face tightens. What the hell is she doing?

Noticing my bewildered expression she says with a shrug of her shoulder. “Oh shit, you wouldn’t know this little trick.” Ouch! “When you apply your lipstick, push your finger in and out keeping your lips tight. The extra lipstick comes off on your finger and not on your teeth. Simple and works like a dream.” Smacking her lips, she seems satisfied with her look, and not a second thought to her insult.

I am clueless where she learned this trick. I nod to agree with her, not caring since I never wear lipstick. Turning I leave the room to order pizza from our phone in the kitchen.

Liza informs me with a huff that Ace is not coming up to the apartment, she is going to meet him at the bar. I’m a bit sad I won’t get to meet this handsome stranger, yet again. With the stories I’ve heard about him, my curiosity is more than piqued. To hear Liza talk, he is this sexy beast. I wave her off and send her on her way. The minute she walks out the door, I finally relax. Liza can be intense.

Soon after she leaves, Nick shows up for movie night. We watched the Hunger Games. I’m a sucker for it. I’ve even read the books. Sprawled out watching the end of the first movie, my phone beeps with an incoming text.

“Liza.” We both say to one another.

Glancing at my phone. “What the hell?” Once again, we say it at the same time. It’s a picture…of a guy’s ass…like a guy’s ass in tight jeans.

My eyes widen when it finally registers. “Oh, my God. She’s sending me a picture of Ace’s ass.” We both blurt out laughing, it’s so Liza to do something like this. More than amused, I keep my eyes glued to the picture. I have to admit, it’s a sweet ass.

I decide to text back.

Me: Bet you will grab that ass later. BTW: NICE ASS!

Two seconds later.

Liza: It’s Ace!

No Shit!

Nick and I roll our eyes, of course, it’s Ace. Who the hell else would it be? Unless she is snapping pictures of random guys in front of her date. Hearing her talk, Ace is an all-male macho who was in the military. Another reason I want to meet him. I knew Micah went into the Air Force, would Ace know him? No idea, but you never know. I never speak of Micah, not even to Liza.

Hours later, I’m asleep in bed when I hear my phone beep. Great!

Of course, it’s Liza.

Sleepy eyed, I cover my mouth looking at the picture of a half naked guy sleeping on his stomach. The frame is of his backside, his legs, his ass and half of his muscular back. Good Lord.

Half asleep, I yawn typing a message back to her.

Me: Jump his bones again and go to sleep. Good Lord, he is HOT!

Great. I roll my eyes, knowing I will go to sleep with these images stuck in my mind. Oh well, at least one of us is having a good time.

AFTER A WEEK from hell, I’m beyond ready for the weekend. Earlier today, I endured a tense filled conversation with my mother. It boggles my mind that still to this day, she thinks I could just forget about what my she and my father forced me do and believe I'm okay. That my feelings never really mattered or counted. I need a drink after talking with her, and indeed that’s what I’ve planned for tonight. It’s Friday and even better pay-day. Right after work, I worked out, hitting the bags to release my pent up frustrations. It was easy, I imagined my mother’s face and my anger toward her escaped with every swing of my fists. An hour later, I’m showered up and ready to have fun.

Dancing has always helped me let go, losing myself in the music. Each word and deep, soulful beat, is like a puppet master pulling the strings, and swaying my body to the music.

Liza, Nick and I head out to Blaze. It’s a great place to hang out and dance. Tonight I don’t mind a crowd, in fact, I’m more than ready for the bump and grind of bodies on the dance floor.

Sweat beads my face. Slowly trickling down my chest, it pools in my bra. My slightly see-through black shirt does not leave much to the imagination. My girls are busting out, with the help of my black satin push-up bra. Tonight was all about feeling sexy…desired even. In my drunken state, that’s exactly how I feel. I sway my hips, bumping and grinding against the sweaty bodies around me. Tonight, I like being around people.

My mother had to remind me, yet again, of the many mistakes I’ve made in the past. Always hounding me, she never just lets me move on with my life. I blame my bad attitude tonight on her. I’ve shut my brain off for the night. It’s time to let loose.

Liza’s dancing next to me, fuming upset that Ace has not shown up yet. He was supposed to meet us here. Presently rubbing up behind me is Nick, taking full advantage of my playful mood. Whatever cologne he has on tonight, well, let’s just say it’s driving me crazy. Brittany Spears is singing about her being a Naughty Bitchy Sexy girl, and I love it. Her words sway my mind and body.

I let my mind and body take a mini vacation tonight, the years of not allowing myself to feel anything other than regret and sorrow have taken their toll. Tonight, my naughty side joins forces with my dire, sexual frustrations. Right now, they are roaring. Turning to face Nick straight on, I grind my hips against his. Pulling on his shirt, I slam our bodies together in one big huff. Nick’s hands wrap around my hips and his face beams, pleasantly surprised.

Nick is taller than me, like most people. He is 5’9, slender, dark hair and has bright green eyes. A total looker and to sweeten the pot, he’s wanted me for years. All these years I have denied myself going there with him…until now. I’m wondering what the hell is wrong with me. He’s the only one who knows my darkest secrets, yet he still wants me. Why is it tonight, for the very first time, I can see how perfect he is?

He’s looking like a piece of steak, and I’m a sweaty lioness in heat. Oh God, let me roar. Just tonight, allow me to be brave enough to follow through with my desires and not regret it in the morning.

Letting my inner goddess explore, Nick leans next to my ear. “El, what the hell has gotten into you?”

Desperately wanting to feel his lips on me, I lean his way. His lips touch my ear and I instantly shiver.

His lips tickle my skin as they curve into a smile. “Oh Jesus, what the hell are you doing? Don’t play with fire, El.” He says in my ear with a deep sexy moan.

Trying to act sexy, I do my best to dance with confidence, but I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. I’m not this girl, but tonight I want to be. Running my hands over his shoulders, I reach the back of his neck, and pull him closer. “Do you like what you see, Nicholas?” I never call him by his full name.

Nick firmly tightens his hands on my hips. “Oh, are you trying to turn me on, you tease?” Ummm, yes!

My wild flare earns me a slap on the shoulder from a very puzzled looking Liza. “What the hell are you doing?” She’s giving me a puzzled look as if to ask ‘have you lost your mind?’

I shrug my shoulder, whatever.

“Okay, Pip. Let’s take you to the ladies' room, so you can cool off before you do something you might regret.” Pulling on my arm, I’m being hauled off the dance floor. I glance back over my shoulder to look at Nick, who has stopped dancing, and is now running a hand through his messy hair. He looks flustered. Maybe I can do sexy!

Pushing the door open, Liza wastes no time, shouting. “What are you doing, are you crazy?”

Really? Her icy tone pisses me off, in my current state of mind. I can’t hide my anger. Rolling my eyes, I’m ready to let her have it. Why the hell can’t I have fun without being called out for it? “I don’t know, but…” throwing my hands up, I slide against the wall. “I just want to be wanted, Liza. Do you know how freaking long it’s been since anyone has held me, or hell, even wanted me?”

Her face relaxes and shoulders drop. “Of course I know, but Pip, you let no one near you. Believe me, there are plenty of guys who would love to take you out. What about the guy you have out there?”

I know Liza is talking about Nick without her having to point her finger in his direction.

Instant tears rim my eyes. I ramble. “I heard you the other night with Ace when he dropped you off. You must have thought I was sleeping, but I heard every moan. I want… I want that. I want to be touched… kissed. Hell, I want to get fucked. Fast and hard, soft and sweet, I need to forget.” I’ve suddenly lost my mind shouting. “I need to forget him, Liza. He doesn’t exist… not anymore.” Dropping my head, I give in and cry.

Closing the distance, Liza pulls me into a big hug. My outburst and crying fit is drawing unwanted attention as half naked girls stroll in staring at me like I’m a drunken idiot. Hell, I don’t even care. I ignore the glares, finally opening up to Liza.

“I did, you know. I’ve tried to let him go because he’s not coming back.” Pulling back from her arms, I look into her piercing, sorrow-filled eyes, and they tear up without delay. It’s as if she really gets me.

With a look of determination, she says. “Screw him out of your mind once and for all. Nick cares for you, and it’s not like he’s ugly. That kid is hotter than hell. I told you long ago to jump his bones, try out the goods’ girl.” Her face softens. “This may help you. At least it will help with your pent up sexual frustration. Christ girl, five years of sexual frustration? Nick better hang on for dear life.” Raising an eyebrow at me, she lets out a giggle.

Her try at making me laugh works. We both stand to dry our eyes, wiping off the smudged mascara we both have

Blotting my eyes, I glance at her in the mirror, saying, “You know, this feels right. Nick has wanted me for a long time. It’s a wonder he waited this long. God, I need a drink. My mood killed my happy buzz.”

“You must have this potent spell on that boy. Hell, he won’t even look at any other girl. He’s a love sick puppy. Let’s go get you a drink for your nerves.” She says with an arm around my shoulder.

Liza’s phone must have beeped because she all of a sudden jumps a foot off the ground. Her face lights up with a smile. I know who that must be.

Liza lets out a scream. “Yeah, Ace is going to make it, after all. He will be here in an hour.” Her smile fades realizing something. “He’s going to miss you again, damn it.” Holding her phone, she types back. “I’m telling him Pip is on the prowl tonight and is finally getting laid.” What?

I gasp! “Don’t tell him that, Jesus he will laugh at me when he meets me.” Fixing my shirt, I pull myself together. I’m sure Nick is wondering if I bailed on him. Liza, well, I don’t have time to strangle her. I’ll leave her to deal with her boy toy.

Gathering my courage to face Nick we make our way out, dodging the people standing around. Just then, Liza shouts from behind me.

“Ace told me to tell you to give him the ride of your life.”

Laughing her ass off, she slaps my shoulder. Glancing back, I give her my evil eye. From the sounds of it, Ace is the perfect guy for her. Neither one of them has a filter on their mouths, and they both constantly have sex on the brain.

We find Nick sitting at the bar nursing his beer. When his eyes land on mine, it’s as if I’m seeing him for the first time. It’s so clear at this moment, I feel this magnetic pull toward him. Not sure if it’s the alcohol talking or I have finally told myself it’s okay. Feeling more confident I give him my most sexy smile, hoping he understands what I’m trying to say to him. Our eyes communicate, and he gets up and opens his arms for me. Not hesitating, I jump.

Liza laughs from behind me. “Oh, man. Nick, I think you might be in for the night of your life. All of these years of her not having sex are about to change.” Walking by me, she slaps his shoulder, chuckling. “Take her home, big guy.” She moves in and takes his seat at the bar, motioning for the bartender to bring her a beer.

Nick raises an eyebrow as he notices her order a drink. “You need a ride?”

With a sip of her beer, she responds. “Nope, sex on legs will be here soon enough. Maybe next time he will be on time so you can meet him.” Her disappointment is all too evident.

“Do you want us to stay and wait for you?” Nick asks her, while holding onto me as I rub my hips against his thigh.

Eyeing my odd behavior, she laughs. “From the look of Pip, she is going to dry hump you right here.”

Nick laughs, but then grimaces. “She can hump away, but you might be right. I need to get her home before she sobers up and changes her damn mind.”

To protest, I reach out and slap his chest. “First, I’m right here, and secondly, I will not change my mind. We both know this should have happened a long time ago. I’m ready.”

Shocked to hear those words from me, his eyes widen. “Shit, I need to get her out of here, and quick.” His grimace lingers and then it hits me. He’s pulling on the front of his jeans, the source of his discomfort is now visible. The bulge in his pants looks like a python trying to get loose. Sweet Jesus. This boy does not lack in the male department.

Our eyes lower to Nick’s crotch when Liza spits out her beer and coughs. “Oh my God, don’t let that thing loose in here. Damn Pip, you are in for a night.” Liza reaches over to bump Nick’s shoulder.. “Just make sure she can walk tomorrow, we’re going shopping.”

Very Funny.

“Oh, I’ll take good care of my girl here.” The way his eyes light up when he says ‘my girl’ warms my heart.

“You both realize I’m right here, in the same room with you both. Take me home before I chicken out.” I say, directing my attention to a very wound up Nick.

That does the trick. My arm is being pulled out of its socket by Nick, who is making a mad dash for the entrance. Liza was laughing so hard, she yelled at us before the door shuts.

“You go girl; Lord knows you deserve it.”