Текст книги "Never Give Up"

Автор книги: Heidi Lis

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

The lady on the end of the phones has asked to schedule an appointment, but I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on her at all. My attention is all too focused on the guy staring back at me with his mouth open wide in astonishment.

In a complete fog, I somehow find a date for my patient. “Mrs. Eckley, we can see you at noon on Thursday. Wonderful, see you then.” I’m struggling to finish my conversation, my eyes never leaving the gentleman standing at my desk.

I find it hard to breathe. Scanning the appointment book, I try to locate his name. How is it possible I missed his name?

His sudden throat clearing tells me he’s just as shocked.

“I can’t believe it’s you, Elsa. Wow, you look amazing, by the way.” He says rapidly speaking. I think we are both in shock.

The first thing I notice is how deep his voice has gotten. He has grown into his own man. Matt was a looker before, but now he is stunning. His resemblance to Micah is remarkable, and I can’t help staring…speechless.

With his raised eyebrow, it’s easy to read his curious expression. “Elsa, are you okay?”

Staring. Pausing. Shocked.

Finally able to speak, my voice is shaky at best. “Wow, I can’t believe you’re here. It’s been years, how are you, Matt?” When I get to his name, it comes out barely a whisper, like he’s unfamiliar somehow.

Of all the things to happen today, this is not one I would have believed. Matt Taylor is standing right in front of me. Standing taller than ever, he looks even better today than he did five years ago. I’m still stunned… and shocked.

Glancing at the schedule, I mumble. “Do you have an appointment?” I correct myself almost instantly. “Of course you do,” I’m embarrassed with my lack of professionalism.

“Hey,” he looks at me with his head tilted, and eyes furrowed tightly. “Have you seen Micah since he’s been back?”

My heart plummets when he speaks his brother’s name. I’m sure my eyes are a dead giveaway, they are wide as saucers before I shut them so tight it’s painful. For the love of all that is holy, what the hell? I’m not prepared for this moment. I’ve always been bothered with what could happen if I ever ran into Matt or his parents. Luckily, until today I had not. This is just not my day!

Swallowing my nerves, I can’t let him know how long I’ve struggled when it came to his brother. “Um…wow, no. I had no idea he was back from where ever he went. No one told me a thing.” Hell, no one said shit when I was left to pick up the pieces of my life after Micah left.

Matt tilts his head back like I’ve offended him. “Your parents mentioned nothing to you?” He eyes me with an odd expression.

The way he is looking at me like I’m missing something is most unnerving. I’m not only confused, I’m baffled. “My parents, no. Why would my parents know anything?” I look at him inwardly saying ‘duh,’ the only thing they wanted to do was kill Micah for leaving their daughter in a mess. Our parents, never talked. We all lived close, but that was it. No communication, ever.

Matt’s frantically running his hand across his forehead. “Well, I told your parents shortly after Micah left. He wanted to make sure I let you know where he was. You weren’t home, they said you left for your aunt’s house for a while. After that, I never saw you again. Weird.” His body language takes on a more relaxed position, laying his arms on the counter. “The way he left was a mess, he really wanted to talk to you. He just felt it was better to leave it alone. The more time that went on, he knew you most likely moved on as well.”

“Yeah, weird.” My anger overtakes me with the idea Micah once again did what he thought was right for me, never once asking me what the hell I wanted. Who the hell was he to think he knew better? He didn’t know shit! A fact proved only a short time after he left. Me.

“Okay, not sure when I’ll see him, but I will tell him you work here. I know he would love to catch up with you.”

Oh please, don’t for God's sake. Not a good idea. Not now…Jesus. The knot in my stomach feels like a fist to the gut. I can feel my panic attack starting to brew.

“Um, Matt, not a good idea. It was a long time ago. A lot has changed, and it’s best we don’t see one another again.” My breathing’s calculated, long and slow. I can’t do this, I’m struggling to remain calm on the outside because my insides are being torn apart once again. I really want a redo on this shitty Monday.

“I’m surprised.” Matt’s eyes search mine carefully. “He’s never forgotten about you. Talks about you, still to this day. He’s always wondered what happened to you and even went to your parents house like I did. Only they told him you never forgave him for hurting you, so he decided to let you go.”

What?

Oh God, what is he telling me? Oh no! My mind is spinning. Micah spoke to my parents. Matt talked to my parents. My parents never said one word to me. My mind’s not able to comprehend any of this. I was able to finally let go after five years. Went as far to get a tattoo to symbolize my finally letting him go, and now I find out he still talks about me. What the fucking hell? This doesn’t change a thing. Our time was then, not now. My life is with Nick. I’m sure Micah’s changed, and I know I sure have. I honestly never expected to hear or see Micah ever again.

As the tears spill over and down my cheeks, I glance up to see Matt studying my face. Shit. I slowly turn away from him, and clutch my aching chest.

“Excuse me.” I stand up and sprint to the restroom. Locking the door my head falls against it with a loud thud. After a few calming breaths, I make my way to the sink. Staring at myself in the mirror, I start to hyperventilate. Splashing cold water on my face, I concentrate on slowing my breathing like I did when I… shit, not today. I can’t let my mind go back there. It’s taken me so long to get to this point, I cannot go back now. Letting out an emotionally packed sigh, it’s time I had a talk with myself. Looking in the mirror, my nose flares with each deep intake of air. “You moved on. Get it out of your system. Straighten yourself up, get your ass back out there and pretend like everything is cool.”

Like that worked, nope not at all.

Defeated, I walk back to my desk. I’m praying no one caught onto my episode. Blowing out a huff, I notice all is well. Matt is no longer in the waiting area. Thankfully, Lori has taken him back to her room. Phew.

“You okay, Elsa?”

Shit, Dr. Davis is staring at me with concern. I never caught sight of him until he spoke.

“Of course,” I force a smile on my somber face. “Sorry, I had to excuse myself.” I’m sure the wiping under my eyes, shows how much I’m not okay at all.

“Heard you had a big weekend, Liza has been busy.” He jokingly replies.

I groan. “Great. Please don’t listen to her, she’s on drugs.” I blurt it out, not even thinking he is our boss, I’m just so upset that girl can’t keep her damn mouth shut.

Slapping my hand over my mouth, I gasp. “Oh, no. No. No. I did not mean that.” With my luck, I’d get the girl fired the way my day was going.

The laugh that escapes his lips put me at ease. “Don’t worry, I know what you meant. Also, if you need anything, let me know. You’re the best front desk girl around, and I will not lose you.” He says with a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

Wide-eyed, I just stare at him, bewildered. I’m not thinking about quitting. What the hell has Liza said, now? “Thanks, Dr. Davis.”

Thankfully, the rest of the day is uneventful. Unfortunately, my mind has been all over the place since Matt showed up out of nowhere. He left with no further incident. I think he felt sorry, because he did not say another word about his brother. After the way I reacted, I’m sure he saw how shaken up I was.

I’m stuck having a recurring theme plague my every thought. There is a part of my past that has a real connection with Matt, his whole family if I’m honest. The idea that no one in the Taylor family knows is hurting me. I know I can never tell them, and that’s what saddens me the most. Even if I could, what would be the point? It’s too late.

It’s nearing the end of my day and it could not come fast enough. My head has not been right since Matt was here. Liza has been busy most of the day, so I didn’t have to worry about her prying too much. It worked out perfectly, I played my bizarre behavior on a bad headache, and she bought it. There was not a snowball’s chance in hell, I was telling her who Matt was. Hell, I’ve never even told her Micah’s name. I’ve kept that part a secret, because I never wanted a long conversation that included his name being brought up over and over again. She never pushed, and I never offered it up.

Cleaning up my desk, I glance up and see Nick walking to the front door from the parking lot. Shit, dinner. Oh man, this is the last thing I need tonight. How the hell do I get out of dinner? Simple. I don’t. I suck it up. Nick does not need to find out about this little hiccup.

Opening the door, he says, “Hey beautiful girl, ready for dinner?” His emerald eyes sparkle drinking me in.

Just like that, my frown turns into a smile, a genuine smile. Nick just knows me. He’s exactly what I need to forget my crappy day. Straightening out my head, I hold up my finger to let him know I’ll be ready soon. “Give me a few and we can head out.”

Giving my area a once over, I grab my purse and reach for the door handle. Liza is working late with a patient. They have another hour ahead of them. Knowing her boyfriend is coming to pick her up, I’m ready to go. With my hand on the door, the phone rings, and I ponder on whether to answer it or let it go to the recording. “What now.” I let go of the door handle to answer it.

“Noelridge Dental, can I help you?” My voice is marginally stressed.

An awkward pause follows.

“Elsa, is that you?”

“Yes, this is Elsa, can I help you?” I’m not paying much attention, because the file on my desk needs filing. Not thinking much else, I turn to do just that saying the alphabet in my head, to make sure the chart is filed correctly.

“Oh my God, this is you.” His voice softens to a whisper.

It’s then I freeze. A burst of adrenaline blasts my body like a locomotive My heart slams out of my chest and hits the floor.

HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.

“Micah.” Saying his name ignites a tingling sensation across my body.

Taking every ounce of strength I have in me, I whisper his name with my eyes squeezed shut. My racing heart feels like it might explode. Damn near knocking the wind out of me, my legs give out. Luckily, my chair catches me. Upon opening my eyes, the first thing I see is Nick standing in the doorway, staring right at me.

MY HEAD’S SPINNING, and the awkward silence is almost too much to bear. I’m clueless what to say to him, and by the lack of words coming from him, I can only guess he is feeling the same way. The shock on Nick’s face gives way to the look of horror on mine. This day is going to kill me yet. So many emotions are running through my mind. Holding my hand over my mouth, I can feel the tears threatening to escape.

Nick’s startled expression abruptly changes to a murderous stare. He’s watching me fall apart in front of his eyes. I know the more I crumble apart, the more his look transforms into hatred.

Clearing my mind and throat, I’m desperate to make Micah understand. He’s repeatedly asked me to talk with him. With him on the phone, and Nick breathing down my neck, all I want to do is escape.

Fiddling with my necklace, my voice trembles. “Micah, I’m not sure this is a good idea.” My hushed tone carries more like a whisper with every scorchingly hot tear that ebbs my cheeks. Streaming, each tear feels like hot lava, descending, just like my resolve.

Micah’s voice breaks into his own set of sobs. “Elsa, I need to talk to you. There are things you don’t know, and I need to tell you before you find out another way.”

I can hear the anxiety laced with his words. I’m sure he had no idea when he woke up today, he’d ever imagine he’d be talking to me, just like I had no clue I would ever speak to him again. But, here we are. Five years later.

Holding the phone next to my ear, I’m struggling to find the right words. Pinching my lower lip, I’m at a loss for words. A part of me just wants to hang up on him, shutting him out. But the other part is desperate to hold onto the phone just to hear his voice.

I simply can’t allow this.

“There is nothing you need to say, so please don’t contact me again Micah. You have no idea, so just please let it go.” I say timidly, as a loud sob escapes my throat. Clutching my chest, it feels like it’s split wide open. I’m rocking back and forth in my chair. I can faintly hear Nick insisting I hang up the phone over my shoulder.

Micah refuses to listen, he keeps on. “No El, you need to listen to me. For the love of God, please hear me out.”

His voice becomes muffled like his hand is covering his phone. “Jesus Christ, how the hell did this happen?” He is talking to someone, no idea who. It’s then another male voice speaks, and I conclude it’s Matt. Of course. Dammit.

Listening to them talk, I notice Nick is pacing the front room, he comes to my desk tapping his fingers on the counter.

He’s beyond mad, more like fuming mad. “Hang up El, there is no need to talk to him. Don’t you let him hurt you again.” Nick says in a tone the matches the look of his face. Cold, loud, hard and angry.

I disagree with him. “No, he can’t hurt me. Not anymore.” It’s then I realize he must have misinterpreted my notion because he is shouting at me now.

“Enough Elsa, tell him enough! You’re done with him, once and for all.”

My mouth hangs open, I’m surprised by his anger, and the fact he is shouting at my place of work. Holding the phone away from my face, I try to hush him using my hands. “I’m not letting him hurt me again, let me handle this, Nick.” I swear the look I’m giving him should alert him to the fact to just how difficult this is. It’s freaking natural that I’m shocked, but I don’t need him going off the deep end. I’m not stupid, I’m just shocked, surprised maybe, but never an idiot.

At the moment the only stupid thing is all I’ve shared with Nick about my past with Micah. He knows too much, enough to hurt me by hurting Micah. Nick knows all of my secrets. If he ever got a hold of Micah, I know he would tell him the one secret that would destroy Micah. His primary goal would be to hurt Micah, but in doing so, he would destroy me. I cannot let that happen. It’s as if my entire world is gradually falling apart. Knowing what power comes with knowing this secret, hell, I’ll protect it with everything I have. I won’t let anyone use it as a pawn to hurt someone else. I’ll defend it like a lioness protecting her cub. A mother protecting her child.

“Who is that? Is that Nick?” Micah says with pure venom.

Pulling the phone from my face, I stare at it. How the hell does he knows Nick’s name? Wait, I just said his name out loud. What the heck, my nerves are shot. I’m not thinking straight. Why the hell would I be? My past showed up today and is slowly chipping away at me. Not sure how much more of me there is to take, because once your heart is shattered, and your soul is shredded, there’s not much left. Doesn’t matter how strong of a person you are, there is only so much before the only thing left, is an empty shell.

Micah’s frantically trying to convince me to hear him out. “Meet me at least once. Please give me a chance to explain things before it becomes a huge mess. I’m begging you, Elsa.”

Micah’s voice shakes the last bit of my resolve. All of these years he’s haunted my dreams, and now he is on the phone begging me. How did this happen?

I need to end this. “No, please just go away. Live your life, I’m trying to do the same with mine.” It’s not the time nor the place to have this talk with him. Either that or I’m going to faint. Nick is going to smash the phone or better yet, Dr. Davis is going to walk up front. Any of those is not a good thing, the best option is to disconnect the call.

Determinated, I’m able to use a hushed, controlled tone. “I have to go, this is not the time or place. I’m at work. Bye!” Lowering the phone, I can hear his voice through the receiver.

“Elsa, please do not hang up on me.”

Oops…too late!

Nick and I come back to my place. I’m too worked up to eat or be anywhere in public. To say I’m out of my mind, would not be far from the truth, I’m a wreck. I have no idea what Micah was trying to hint at that he needed to talk about something. It’s lost on me, but Nick is beyond pissed. His incessant pacing in my living room is not helping my nerves or resolve.

“Nick, for the love of God, please sit down.” I’m damn near hyperventilating sitting on the couch with my arms bouncing, resting on my legs. Lowering my head, I try to calm my erratic breathing. I wasn’t kidding when I said, Nick’s behavior is not helping me one bit.

“What the fuck is his game, Elsa? Why even bother to call you? And what the hell did he mean to say he needs to talk to you about some huge, potential mess?” Nick’s so upset he about hits the wall with his fist.

I’m staring at him like ‘how the hell should I know?’ Good Lord, it’s been five years.

“I told you all I know. Matt was in today, and most likely that is how Micah knew to call me there. Other than that, I’m as clueless as you.” I’m so in need of a drink. “It doesn’t matter, there is nothing left to say. He left me, end of story. That being said, I know differently, as well as you, but he will never know any part of that, right?” I need him to swear he will keep his mouth shut if he ever has the chance to meet Micah in person.

Nick huffs out a breath sitting down next to me pulling me into his arms. “I’m sorry El, this cannot be easy for you. I just don’t want you hurt. Not again, and definitely not by him.” He rubs my arms with his hands.

I could not agree with him more. “Yeah, well tell my heart to catch up with my brain would ya?” Ain’t that the truth. My head is light years ahead of my aching heart. With strong arms around me, I relax, letting my body slouch. The floodgates are now open, and there is little hope of them stopping anytime soon.

A sigh leaves his lips. “Wonder what he wants to tell you, though,” Nick says with little to no emotion. “He’s been out of the picture for so long. Now suddenly he wants to talk.” I can tell he’s tense when his hands slowly tighten around my body. “Well, fuck him.”

I’m sure Nick is having some insecurities when it comes to Micah. The one guy I’ve pined over for the past five years and now suddenly he turns up, and he wants to talk to me.

Wiping my eyes, I sit up to apologize. “I’m so sorry.” My words come out in a snotty mess, but I need him to realize I know this is hard for him too. Poor guy finally gets the girl and now the other half of her soul has turned up out of nowhere.

Anguish takes it toll on him. He’s obsessively rubbing his hands down his face. “Oh hell, baby, I’m hurt and confused. I don’t want this fucker to come in and steal you away from me. He lost you. He gave you up when you needed him the most. I was here for you…for years. It was my shoulder you cried on. My hands comforted you, and my words were the ones you sought solace in. I finally got you. You had finally let me in, and I’m scared as fuck I will lose you. To him. It’s always been him.” The pain in his voice matches the look on his face, and it hurts me.

His honesty is like a dagger. On one hand, I have the love of my life wanting to talk to me after all this time. On the other, my safety net, Nick, who is strong as steel, is fearful of losing the one person he’s wanted for so long. The guy has never wavered from me, all the late night crying, the panic attacks, even the days I just wanted to give up, he was there.

Voices outside our apartment indicate Liza is home, most likely with Ace. Just what I don’t need tonight. “Oh shit, I’m in no mood to meet her boyfriend.”

Realizing they are coming in, I wipe my eyes and take a few dozen calming breaths. Nick’s arms hold onto me tighter, telling me wordlessly it’s going to be okay.

“What is it with you tonight? I swear you’re acting weird.” Liza’s sounding like her usual cheerful self. Not!

I hear no response, so Nick and I exchange a strange look. Nick had met Ace a few times when I was either at work or not home yet, so it seems I’m the only one yet to meet him.

Going to stand up, I turn to see an agitated Liza stomping her feet. She takes in my appearance; I’m sure I look delightful crying like I have the past few hours.

She stops dead in her tracks. “What the hell is going on here?”

I swear she is ready to punch Nick, thinking he caused my unhappy state. I’m just too damn drained to explain, so I shake my head instead.

Nick, holding his hands up says, “Don’t ask me, ask her?”

She pins her puzzled expression on me. Praying this day away, I’m rolling my eyes when I catch the movement behind her. Shit, I damn near forget she’s not alone. I go to speak, but I’m rendered speechless as he walks in.

Now in life, you get a few surprises that render you speechless. You might even get a few that knock you on your ass. I would say right now, I got both in one giant puff of smoke.

Several things happen all at once. Not sure what came first, second or even last, but I heard mumbled words, the room started to spin out of control, and I was about to hit the floor. I swear I may have blacked out for a moment, but my hearing is crystal clear.

Liza screeches like she’s right next to my ear. “Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to her. Pip, wake the fuck up?”

The next thing I hear is Nick. “Baby, oh shit, I knew this would happen. Today was just too much. Ace, what the fuck is wrong with you? Liza what the hell is wrong with your dude, over there? He’s looking like he just seen a fucking ghost.”

“Who the hell knows? He’s been weird all day.”

Liza’s has to be rubbing my arms, I can feel her icy fingers all over me.

It’s then I hear it.

I hear him.

“Elsa.” It’s faint, but it’s there.

“What did you just say?” No mistaking Liza’s ‘what the fuck moment.’

I hear a thud followed with a long extended sigh. My head is gradually coming around, and as I try to open my eyes. I’m questioning if I really want to. Feeling Nick’s arms around me, and the cold fingers of Liza combing through my hair, it oddly comforts me. The spinning room starts to slow down, and everything is coming into focus. A frantic Nick and wild-eyed Liza are right in my face staring down at me. Leisurely my eyes drift to the person sitting on his knees before me with tears shimmering in his eyes. His expression is distant and lost and instantly, my heart crumbles to pieces. It’s him, still with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen.

After five long years, our eyes are intently locked to one another. My breaths catch in my chest. Staring at him for an overlong moment, I choke back a sob and whisper, “Micah.”

Then…I heard two very loud gasps!