Текст книги "Never Give Up"

Автор книги: Heidi Lis

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

I SPENT THE NEXT week in a frenzy of disarray and commotion to say the least. I try to spend as much time with Micah as we caught up on each other’s lives, and I’m amazed at most of the things he’s been up to. Shortly after coming home from the Air Force, he decided to partner up with Matt and they are now operating a successful home based security business. Business seems to be booming so they were able to hire additional help. Their father’s long line of friends and loyal customers with the McIntosh Group have been more than willing to support them and recommend the Taylor boys.

It was great up until Micah dropped a bombshell on me. It seems his plans now involve me leaving my current job to run their front office. Call me crazy, but I’m considering it. I asked him to give me a few days to think it over, though. Life with Liza has been a struggle. Eating, sleeping and working with her is not working out. Living with the daily struggle, prompted Micah to not only ask me to work with him, but to move in with him as well. If I had to bet, I’d say this worked to his advantage perfectly.

Living and working with him does solve the Liza situation entirely. On both fronts, it’s a good idea. Moving too fast? Maybe to some people, but my heart knows what it wants, it always did when it came to him. So moving too fast? I think not!

“What can I do for you, Elsa?” Sitting across from my boss, he sits smiling at me, and I’m sure he’s not ready to hear what I’m about to say. His desk is messy with charts, x-rays, and even plastic teeth. I’m going to miss this.

Even though I’m positive about leaving, I’m nervous facing my boss. “I have to give you my notice, I’m leaving Dr. Davis.” Biting my lip, my leg bounces with nervous energy. God, I hate this.

Pausing he nods his head, but looks puzzled. “I see, can I change your mind?”

Shaking my head, I truthfully answer. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not you or the office, I’m going to work for Micah.” I know he has heard all about him and what he means to me. He’s also noticed the coolness between Liza and me lately.

He eyes me, knowing there is not a thing he can do to sway my mind. “I figured as much, I don’t like it though. You’re an excellent member of this team, and you will be missed.” Sighing loudly, he adds, “I also fully understand. Thank you for all the time you’ve given this office. It will be hard to replace you. I can contact the agency to send someone over.”

I sat in disbelief. That was easier than I thought it would be. I had expected him to be upset, but he was quite the opposite. In fact, it bothered me a little. I’m not sure if I wanted him to fight a little harder to get me to stay, but I wanted something, at least. I know this is what I want, but I’m also leaving my friends and patients I’ve come to love and see on a daily basis. I’ve got to remember, it’s for me and Micah. This is a good thing. Dr. Davis gave me a big hug and an open door to come back anytime.

Climbing in my car, I dial Micah to tell him the good news.

Answering the phone, he’s as cheery as always. “Hey beautiful, what’s new with you?”

Smiling from ear to ear, his voice alone sends my heart singing.

“Well,” I teasingly say, “I’m about to make your damn day.”

He chuckles into the phone. “You already do, pretty girl, but what did you do now?”

I don’t hesitate. “Gave my notice, I’m now a week away from begging you to give me a job.” I can hear his gasp, oh yeah, I surprised him.

“Oh baby, you’ve absolutely made my day. Excellent news, now move in with me and I’ll have it all.” He says eagerly.

I disclose my secret. “I’m ready.”

“I’m sorry, did I hear you right?”

Chuckling, “Yes, Micah, you did. You were right. Living with Liza is not going well, and when I’m not with you, I miss you.”

Going five long years without him was bad enough, but now, even going without him for one night, just seems wrong. I need to be where he is.

“You miss me giving you some loving, don’t you?”

“Well, there is that…” I can’t help cracking a smile.

As if on cloud nine, he says, “Dinner, my place around seven. I have some things we need to talk over. Saw my parents today, and we had a long talk.” I don’t feel great with the seriousness in his voice, but I’m sure it was a hard conversation to have with them.

“Everything okay?” Holding my breath, I’m afraid to even ask.

“Better than okay, they are happy we are together. Believe it, or not my parents love you. They want to talk to you about…well, you know.” He pauses for a moment letting out a slight groan. “They are missing Michael as much as we do, and it hurts them.”

Sighing, I can only shake my head. “They blame me, too, you mean?”

“Not at all, baby. Now your parents are another issue.”

Oh yes, my beloved parents.

“Yeah, go figure.” I can only imagine what his parents think of mine. “See you soon, I’m leaving work now.”

“Later, pretty girl.”

SHOWERED UP GRABBING my things to head over to Micah’s place, I stop dead in my tracks when Liza walks inside the door. The tension is not getting any better between us. In fact, Liza and Nick are now best buds, and I’m on the outside. I need to get this moving thing happening sooner rather than later. For all of our sakes.

“Hey Liza, um…by the way.” I’m struggling to find the words. “I’m going to move out soon, it’s the right thing to do.” Figured might as well come right out and say it.

“I hear you put in your notice today, too. Wow, moving fast to shack up with him, aren’t you.” Shaking her head back and forth, she lets out a grumbled laugh. “Good for you, I’d do the same thing given the situation and your history.” She says with a slight chip on her shoulder. Her words are cold, like her posture. She’s stiff as a board with a not so happy looking Nick. His stance mirrors hers.

I take offense with her attitude, biting my lip. “Look, this is not easy for any of us, I’m doing what I need to do to try to make it better.”

Her annoying roll of her eyes, tells me I’m not going to be happy what she has to say next.

“I get it, okay? I tried to tell myself you both deserve one another, yadda, yadda, yadda. But, it still hurts and I’m trying not to hate you both, but right now I can’t.”

Her shoulders relax, and her eyes are endearing. Finally, she’s admitting her real feelings, about time.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” I say.

I lower my head when she grumbles, and walks by me. She goes to her room and shuts the door. My only thought is to tell Micah the sooner we can move me in the better…for all of our sakes.

Standing outside the little two-story house, Micah shares with Matt, I knock on the door.

“Hey little sis,” Matt says opening the door. “Get in here.”

Matt is the brother I never had. His messy brown hair flops on his forehead, so walking by I mess it up even more.

“Hey sexy, how are ya?”

“Yeah you got that right, all the sexiness went to this brother. Are you sure you don’t want to switch Taylor boys?”

I laugh and punch his arm. Got to love those dimples he has. “Oh, I’m sure, poor ugly Micah. I feel sorry for his hideous looks, I can dump him now.” My attempt at humor has Matt laughing, but Micah is not very amused, judging by the look on his face.

“My girlfriend is so funny, tonight. But seeing you smile is worth it, so make fun of me all you want. Matt, on the other hand, needs to watch his hands when it comes to my very sexy girlfriend.” To make his point Micah stares at his brother.

Holding his hands up, Matt amusingly replies, “Options, I’m giving the girl options.”

“Yeah, well flaunt yourself at another pretty girl, not mine.” Micah side steps Matt to take me into his arms for a hug.

“Ah, thanks baby.” Being wrapped in his arms allows me to take in his cologne, damn… pure heaven.

“Anytime, now give your ugly man a proper kiss.”

His light laugh makes me blush, the idea of his name and ugly in the same sentence…no way. Micah is straight up every girl’s dream guy.

“Not ugly sweetness, just pure male stud muffin.”

“Oh God,” Matt moans, walking away. “You both make me sick, truly it’s not fair. Why can’t I find myself an Elsa?”

Micah and I both agree and say in unison, “You will.”

I’m impressed as I watch both boys making me dinner that consists of spaghetti and meatballs, garlic bread, and a salad. Looking at the food makes my mouth water, and I realize just how starved I am.

Sitting at the table, I take a drink of my tea and I envision myself living here. I can’t help but question. “How is this going to work if I move in here, do you think it’s enough room?”

Matt coughs, laughing looking at me surprised. “Micah did not tell you yet?”

“Shut it, Matt.” Micah slams his hand on the table. His eyes are giving his brother a warning glare.

My eyes squint, wondering what is going on now. “Um…no, I don’t understand what you are talking about,” I say gazing at an angry looking Micah staring at his brother.

Great, what now!

I’m arching my eyebrow not sure I’m going to like whatever it is they are hiding from me. I hate surprises, always have.

“Look El,” Micah says lowering his fork. “My dad and I were talking. Here, there’s not a lot of room, it’s only a two bedroom, and we need our privacy.” Clearing his throat, he hesitantly looks at me then at Matt.

Matt winks. “Ah, you think I’m going to cramp your style, bro’?”

“Just want to be able to have El all to myself, and that means wherever I want her… whenever I want her.” He said, with a devil of a smirk on his face.

I give him a piercing gaze to figure out where this is going. “Oh my God, can we just get to the part where you tell me what is going on?”

“Okay,” Micah says holding up his hand. “I was going to ask if you wanted to get a place of our own?”

He says the last part very soft, just waiting to see how I respond to him. I don’t get a chance to think it over as Matt interrupts.

Throwing his head back, Matt lets out a loud chuckle. “Bullshit. Micah, you are so full of it. Let me tell you how it really went, and Micah, you tell me if I’ve got it right. I believe it was more like, Micah put down a down payment on a place and hopes to hell Elsa is going to be okay with it!”

“WHAT!” I’m in shock. It’s one thing to ask and another to go ahead and buy a place.

“And you wonder why I don’t want to live with you any longer?” Micah says to his brother who is smiling from ear to ear, loving to see his brother squirm in the hot seat.

I’m stunned. “Are you serious Micah? You found a place AND put a down payment on a house you only hope I will be okay with?” I question.

Looking at Matt, he has his eyes closed. I’m really praying he did not just blow up Micah’s surprise for me. Micah’s sitting back, arms crossed, and shaking his head. I can see the wheels spinning in his cute little head of his. He’s nervous, and that alone makes me want to laugh.

“Babe, please don’t be mad.” Slowly inching his arms on the table, he holds out a hand. “Come on El, I wanted to surprise you. Matt,” eyeing his brother, Micah takes a swing towards him. “Has a big mouth. I might have to shut for him.”

“Hey,” shouting at Micah. “I’m just keeping it real, bro’. Elsa’s not mad at you. Jesus, do you even know your girlfriend at all? I don’t even need to ask her to know what she is thinking. That is how sure of her I am. I swear I must be more observant than you.”

“Yeah, right. Okay, big man, tell me what she is thinking and she will tell us if you are right.” Micah challenges.

Matt looks at me and winks.

I bit my lip and laugh.

Arms crossed, I’m more than eager to hear what he has to say. “Go ahead Matt, what am I thinking right now.” To be honest, this ought to be good, I squint my eyes just to prepare myself. I have no clue what might slip out of his mouth.

“Okay,” he’s smirking acting like he’s my shrink or something. “You are no doubt nervous, a lot has happened very fast, but you love my brother, so there is no reason not to move in together. Although; while you’re surprised that Micah did this behind your back, you really don’t mind. You are impressed he did this because he did it for you. The love you have for him…well…will let him get away with murder. Need I say more?” Holding up his finger, he cuts me off when I’m about to protest. “But you are somewhat sad with the fact you won’t be living with me because you wanted to catch me in the shower butt ass naked. You are going to miss your chance for a peek at my goods.” The sly fox says as slick as he can. And he sighs just to make me laugh even harder. Smooth talking Matt Taylor is a lady killer, and he’s brought me to tears in a fit of hysterics.

Choking on my water, I have to wipe my eyes and my chin at the same time. Oh gosh, it just felt good to laugh. Only, Matt and I are the only one’s laughing. Serious, Micah is so quiet and moody, and looking at him only makes us laugh harder.

“Very fucking funny,” bringing his attention to me, he raises an eye. “Well my dear, how did he do? Minus the part about seeing him naked, of course. I know you do not wish to see, but just in case you did… do not tell me that.”

Holding my stomach, I’m slowly recovering. “First of all,” I say wiping my chin of any remaining water, “I am impressed with how observant Matt is. He’s right on most of it, actually. I’m shocked, but also very impressed you did that for us.” Reaching out I grab hold of Micah’s hand. “I’m not sure what to say, we’ve not talked finances, yet Micah.”

“Nothing for you to worry over,” taking a hold of my hand, he squeezes it. “I got it handled. We’ll sit down and figure it out, the first thing is to close on the house and then get you to work for us.” He says, glancing at Matt.

“Thank God, Elsa can now take care of your unwanted attention you’ve been receiving lately.” Matt says under his breath.

What, that got my attention.

Micah moans with his disapproval. “Matt would you shut your mouth, do you ever just stop saying shit you should not say?”

“Babe, don’t listen to him. A few clients hang around more than they should. The great thing with you working there they will know I am with you and to leave me the hell alone.” Micah rambles this out so fast, I’m not sure what he just said.

I took away from that admission that indeed, women were hot after him. Now I can’t say I blame them for wanting him, he is beyond sexy. I just did not need to hear it.

Okay, I’m mentally seeing myself on a daily basis watching women hang on him…I’m not sure this is a good idea after all. Rolling my eyes, not liking it, I accidentally talk out loud. “Oh great, just what I need.” I say it and the minute I do, I regret it.

Clearing his throat, Matt looks at me like I’ve grown ten heads. “Seriously, my brother only has eyes for you. Always has, always will. You are the only woman I can say with one hundred percent confidence that your man…my brother…would never cheat.”

I shyly reply, “Ah, thanks Matt. He knows better.” I say with my butter knife in my hand, waving it around.

“Hey, I’m right here and I don’t need anyone else. Five years ago you, ruined me for any other woman. No one compares to my pretty girl.”

I hold my hand over my heart. “I’m one lucky gal.”

“Not lucky,” Matt’s smirks. “I do think you have a magic…um… let’s just say you must…yeah, I’m not going to finish that thought. I’d rather not get hit from my brother for less than pure thoughts of you, El.” He lets out a quick exhale which sounds more like a snort.

I can’t help but snicker. “You Taylor boys will be the death of me yet.”

“Damn straight baby,” Micah says with a head roll.

“THE HOUSE IS AT the end of Park Street near Harrison Heights. It’s perfect for us El, I took my dad there a few days ago. He liked it and to be honest,” Micah says with a shrug of his shoulders, “He gave me the money for the down payment. I think it was his way of making amends.”

I hate to tell him I’m not super comfortable with his parents yet. I’ve yet to face them now that they know about the baby.

“He doesn’t need to do that Micah, even though it’s beyond thoughtful. He has no reason to make amends with me, either.” I don’t need another reason to feel uncomfortable around him.

“Don’t let it bother you, El. If he wants to help us out, let him. It’s not like he’s hurting for cash. My mother would string me up if I made him take it back. Just spend your time decorating it the way you want it.”

The idea of decorating a place of our own is exciting. It’s a lot to take in for the short time we’ve been back together. When has anything gone according to plan with me in my life? Never. Why start now?

The idea of finally being happy with Micah and us moving forward is like a dream come true. The only sad part of this dream is living my life without my parents in it. That part hurts.

“Why the sad face, beautiful?” He asks me, nudging my chin up with his finger so our eyes could meet.

“Nothing, forget it.” My lack of a smile says it all.

Using his finger, he slides my hair from my face. “Not happening. Spit it out, El.”

Wiping a stray tear, I try to shake my sad thoughts away. “Just thinking about my parents missing out on all of this. Growing up, I always looked forward to having them by my side in every facet of my life Micah, and none of it will ever happen. I now see them for what they are, and it kills me. To realize how much hatred they have for me, it’s not love, it's sick.”

After dinner we ended up sitting in his room. Needing a breather, I go walk back to the living room. I’m sick of crying and I need to get the idea they would be a part of my future out of my mind. They won’t be there for me, not anymore. They stopped the minute they found out I was pregnant. A switch had flipped with them. I no longer held the same value in their eyes. I was pushed aside. Just like baby Michael, I was also swept under the rug.

I notice Matt sitting on the couch watching TV. I decide to sit next to him, he always could make me laugh…and right now, that is exactly what I need.

“Hey sweet pea,” he can see my tense expression. “Oh no, what did my brother do now?” Of course, he thinks it’s Micah’s fault.

“No, not your brother…this time,” I say with a smile. “Let’s just say my parents suck. I’m the outcast and need to come to terms that they will never be by my side. They will miss out on all the beautiful things my life will bring.” Placing my hand on his knee, he covers his hand on top of mine. “It’s not a great feeling.”

Taking a moment to let what I said sink in, he takes me by the shoulders and crushes me to him in a bear hug. I relish the comfort this crazy Taylor boy can bring me, he’s the brother I’ve never had.

“You will be okay El, they are the ones who will miss out. You have your nutty boyfriend, my parents, and of course me. Now having me in your life, has got to rank right up there with number one.” His sense of humor holds no bounds.

Of course, I agree with him. “Don’t let your brother know that,” I say laughing.

“Lips are sealed, baby.”

And just like that, presto, my mood goes from sad to delight. Noticing movement out of the corner of my eye, I glance up to see Micah standing against the wall, watching us with such a sweet smile on his face. He enjoys the fact his brother and I get along so well. Sneaking a peek over Matt’s shoulder at him, he winks back to me. My love for that man takes my breath away, to see him so strong and right in front of me is a magnificent sight.

I mouth the words, “I love you.” Then give him a wink of my own.

Walking toward us, he sits with us. We spend the next hour watching whatever we can find. Relaxed, we all sit back laughing and talking like lifelong friends. It’s a great way to pass the time, being here with the Taylor brothers is just what I needed. The rest of the night, not one time did I think of my parents.

MICAH’S DRIVING US to our new house today so I can get a look at where we will begin our future together. Arm out the window, he’s bopping to the music like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Me? I have one leg bouncing and I’m so nervous, I have to wipe my clammy hands on my pants. It’s not so much I’m worried I won’t like it, in fact, just the opposite. I’ll love it because I’ll be with him. The fact is his parents will be there, and facing them after all this time terrifies me.

As we pull up to the house, the lightness in my heart gives way to my wide grin. My pulse is racing, the house is beyond magnificent. The view reminds me of what you may find on the cover of magazines. I smile instead of speaking because Micah keeps asking me what I think. Wow.

It’s slightly larger than he let on, it has arched peaks above the front door and second story windows. Two stall garage is trimmed in black which accentuates the incredible dark tan color of the house. There is an incredible winding walkway from the driveway to the front door. Noticing the color of the front door, I laugh and look over at Micah’s beaming face. It's then he raises his eyes, and I know what may have sold him on this particular house. The front door is a beautiful shade of red. A nice match for his beloved Chicago Blackhawks. My man is a sports nut, lucky for him so am I. Yet, another reason we get along so well.

Holding my smile, I shake my head, noticing his parents are here. They open the front door to welcome us. Excitedly, I take Micah’s hand walking to greet them. The quiver in my stomach is not helping my nerves.

“Hello sweet girl, come on in and see your new home.” His mother Skylar greets me like we’ve been friends forever. No awkwardness at all, she takes me in for a hug and walks us through the door. She’s just as beautiful as Micah. Both of Micah’s parents are tall, light hair and blue eyed. No wonder they have good looking children. Micah and his dad share a few hugs and laugh following us inside.

Letting go of his son, David gives me a hesitant nod. “Hello Elsa, I’m so happy for the both of you.”

Really! Nervously, I rake my hands through my unruly hair. “Thank you so much.” It’s barely a whisper, but I’m too busy swallowing more than usual. Damn nerves.

Wanting to avoid a conversation I know is coming, I look around the house, keeping my attention occupied on anything but them. My first impression is Wow! The inside is decorated with modern fixtures. Wood floors, gray, granite counter tops, and top of the line stainless steel appliances. A dream kitchen to cook in, yeah, I could see me baking up a storm in here for sure. Micah and his parents are busy chatting, so I continue exploring. A large brick fireplace is the central focus point in the living room. Even better, the fireplace has large bookcases on each side of it. Enough room to put my favorite books, note to self, need to buy many more books.

Walking behind me we venture up the staircase to the second floor. Each of them are pointing out different features they think I would like, it’s odd I’m the last actually to view the house. In all honesty, I love everything about it.

Micah stands out in front of the doors to the master bedroom, it has two doors that are currently closed. The gleam in his eyes tells me I’m in for a treat. Opening them one at a time, he says, “this is the best room in the house, babe.”

I raise my eyebrow at him, only to have him return it with a sexy grin.

Opening both of the doors, what I notice first is the view from the big, wrap around windows. The house backs up against a wooded area. The back yard is fenced and large, a great place for a dog and someday children. Okay, not letting my mind even think of kids. The attached bath is so big it’s ridiculous.

“Holy crap, this is insane, Micah.” Everywhere I look, it keeps getting better. This room is so large, it’s amazing. Heck, I could even put a couch in here. That’s how big it is.

“Great, isn’t it?” The sparkle in his eye says it all.

“This house is perfect for you two, a lot of room to grow into,” Skylar says while she rubs Micah’s back. Both of his parents are commenting how much they love the house.

The house has three bedrooms in all, entirely decorated in neutral tones. I love it, not a thing I would change.

“We only need furniture to fill this house,” I say not to anyone in particular.

“Oh honey, we will help with that,” Skylar says mentioning all the furniture she is going to donate to us. My head is swimming with how fast this is all going.

We spend the next hour walking around, talking all about the things Micah would change. I’m beaming with excitement, and nodding with my agreement. Of course I don’t care what he does with it, leave me alone in the kitchen, and I’ll be golden. Still can’t believe we will be living here…as a couple. It’s all so unbelievable, if this is a dream…do not wake me up.

His parents walk us out to Micah’s car saying our good-byes. I thank them profusely for all they have done, but they keep telling me it’s no big deal. Micah is happy, and that is the only thing they care about. It’s then I find out we are having dinner at their house. Grimacing, I know what I’m in for…questions. Oh boy, time to relive it again as the day has come for the talk of their long-lost grandchild. I’ve avoided seeing them since I got back together with Micah. I know I can’t avoid them any longer so we just need to get it over with. The sooner we do, the sooner we can all learn to cope.

WE ALL GATHER in the living room after dinner. At least I got to eat before the acquisition begins. Time to take some deep breaths and just answer them as honestly as I can, not sure what else they could want from me. I brought my picture of him to show his grandparents. They have a right to see it.

All eyes settle on me, and my mind is playing out worst-case scenarios. My irrational mind worries they will end up hating me. It's all I can think about and replaying the events that cause my heart to palpitate. Letting my eyes settle on each of theirs, I’m silently seeking reassurance that they will understand I only did what I was forced to do.

I start the conversation, fingering my necklace and shifting, unable to get comfortable. “I found out I was pregnant shortly after Micah left…not why or where he went. Not knowing how he felt, it never crossed my mind to come to you all.” I say looking at his parents finally letting my eyes settle on Matt.

Mostly the question and answer part of the night went off with no yelling or shouting. They listened, cried and put themselves in my shoes. It shocked me, if I’m honest because Micah had a totally different reaction when he found out. Tears were shed, and regrets were shared, but we made it through. The picture of him is what caused his mom and dad to break down, and it tears my heart apart once again. Matt’s face is just as shocked, only this time he is more agitated after seeing his nephew’s picture.

“I want to find him, I have a right to find him,” Matt exclaims.

The room goes silent. All eyes shift my way.

“I don’t know the first thing about trying to find him, Matt. My parents, as you know, set it up, the only thing I know is Catholic Charities was the agency. Beyond that, nothing.” My eyes widen and my shoulders sag.

Dave then spoke up. “What city did you give birth in, Elsa? You mentioned you gave birth while staying with your aunt, right?”

Nodding. “Yeah, I was in Waterloo.”

“Then that is where we start. I know people who can help.” Matt says while pulling out his phone. “I’ll just text him to call me when he can, he does this sort of stuff.”

“You mean Tyler?” Micah asks.

“Yep,” Matt says while still texting, Micah just nodded his head.

“Should we ask my parents for any documents, they have to have something?” I cringe even saying it. My parents are the last people I want anything from.

Skylar says unashamed, “I don’t want a thing from those people, they have done enough to hurt my family. I’m sorry Elsa, but your parents piss me off. They should have told us…FIRST.”

Can’t argue with her there. I keep my mouth shut and just nod my head to agree.

Micah’s rubbing my shoulders. “Ready, baby? Let’s get you home.”

Hell to the yes, I need to get out of here. Enough reminiscing about my past for one night. Great if Matt’s friend can help, but I’m not fully convinced he can. Micah’s been quiet on the subject of finding Michael, and I’m afraid to ask him what he thinks. I’m not even sure of my feelings. I’ve never even considered trying to find him.

Lying in bed at Micah’s, neither one of us want to be alone. We need each other. We both work early tomorrow, but tonight is about holding onto one another. Micah cradles me under his chin, nuzzled up against his warm chest, his breathing calms my own. “Pretty girl, get some rest. You are beyond tired, and I know our evening was not easy for you. Hell, it wasn’t easy on any of us. How do you really feel about Matt trying to find him?”

“I’m not sure, scared I guess.”

“A part of me is scared shitless. I want to see him, but what scares me the most is that it won’t change a damn thing. I don’t have a right ever to get him back… is it better not to find him?” His voice softens to a whisper.

With a deep sigh. “Oh Micah, it’s not a bad thing and I’m not sure myself. Are we better to just let it go? If we see him, we’ll want him back, and that’s most likely not possible. My heart breaks either way.”

He gives me a gentle kiss and hugs me tight. A way to reassure me... or comfort me, either way it’s nice.

“Will it ever get easier? Micah, sometimes I’m scared our damaged past will always come between us. We’ve both lost so much.”

He lightly laughs, kissing the top of my head. “Were not damaged baby, we just have history. Some parts will always hurt, but we get to make our future. We will do it right.”

Falling asleep, I’m praying he’s right.

MY LAST DAY AT the dental office came and went. It was also my last day of living with Liza, she stayed away from most of the moving. Just when Micah, Matt and I were getting the last of the few boxes, Liza and Nick walk in together. We all pause, looking at one another. It’s obvious no one wants to be the first to speak. So I do.

“Hey guys, just getting the last of my things and I’ll be out of your hair.” I say in a cheerful tone. Swallowing down how awkward this really is.