Текст книги "I Love Him, I Love Him Not "

Автор книги: Ella Martin

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

Chapter Thirty

Ally frowned as I unwrapped an ice cream sandwich and began eating it.

“How can you eat at a time like this?” she said. “I feel like I’m going to puke every time food comes near me.” I glanced warily in her direction and moved to the other side of her bedroom. A corner of her mouth twitched upward. “Well, maybe not literally.”

“So this isn’t going to be a huge calorie-fest?” I said.

She made a face and scowled at me. To be safe, I remained on the other side of the room while I ate, thankful I didn’t bring more snacks upstairs with me.

Ally’s moods had fluctuated the last couple of days. She went from angry to depressed to seemingly fine, all within minutes. But one thing was certain: After seeing Hunter with Kyle, Ally said there was no way she’d still take Hunter to the Sweetheart’s Dance. No one could blame her. Hunter didn’t apologize for leading her on or anything, but he at least had the decency to offer to pay for the unused ticket. That seemed to make her even more indignant, though.

On the plus side, Mrs. Riley seemed pleased. Her rehearsal notes for Ally were complimentary, saying she’d pushed her performance up a notch since The Incident, and Kyle had been a lot more focused. Who knew walking in on her boyfriend kissing her male costar would make Ally a better actress?

So that Saturday, instead of going dress shopping with Bianca, Ally and I holed ourselves up in her room. I was at a loss for what to do, though. Bianca had given me a list of romantic comedies we could watch, but I doubted Ally was in the mood for swoony heroes and happy endings. I didn’t even think she was up for a marathon of The Fast and the Furious movies. Angsty Ally rarely came out to play, and I wasn’t sure what to do with her.

“You know what’s amazing?” she said, flopping down onto her bed. “I’m not even that mad at Kyle. I mean, I kind of feel like I should be, but I’m not.”

I hurried to swallow the last of the ice cream sandwich and felt it lodge in the middle of my chest, freezing my insides. “Why would you be mad at him?” I managed to say before I coughed.

Ally looked at me as though I had three heads. “He was making out with my boyfriend! I mean, he was sort of my boyfriend.” She covered her face with her pillow and wailed. “At least now I know why Hunter never kissed me again or held my hand or anything,” she said between sobs.

I lowered my head. This was nothing like anything I’d seen my mom go through. I had no idea how to console her.

“Maybe Hunter hadn’t told anyone yet,” I suggested. “Or maybe he’s bi? I don’t know.”

“I don’t know, either.” She sat up and sniffed. “Kyle’s mad at him, too.” She hugged her pillow to her chest. “We talked a little last night after rehearsal. I guess they’ve been seeing each other since just before Halloween, and Hunter still wants to keep it secret.”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? It’s way cruel. Like Kyle’s some dirty little secret. And he was totally using me, too.”

“Yeah, I can see why you’re so mad at Hunter.”

She flopped backward onto her bed again. “You have no idea.”

“You haven’t mentioned it in your blog or anything.”

Ally sat up straight, her face stricken. “Of course not!” she admonished me. “One does not write news about oneself, Talia.” She sighed. “And besides, the real story isn’t even mine to tell.” A pause. “If it’s even a story.”

“But Hunter and Kyle—“

“—aren’t a public item,” she finished for me as she lay back down. “If Hunter’s buried in whatever closet he’s in, that’s entirely his thing. Outing him would not be responsible journalism.”

Ally didn’t seem as angry, and I was glad she’d stopped crying. But I needed to change the subject before the waterworks started up again.

“If you want some good news,” I said, “Mrs. Riley approved the poster I was working on.” With everything going on with Hunter and Kyle, I hadn’t had a chance to tell her.

“That is good news.” She rolled onto her side to face me and sniffed again. “Any comments?”

“Mr. Collins said it was smart to keep the faces blank in the vignettes. Riley said something about how removing the detail created an extra layer of interest.” I grinned. “I gave you all the credit for that.”

“Thanks,” she said with a small smile. For a split second, she seemed to be back to her normal self, but then her face fell, and she curled into the fetal position.

I sat there, frozen, wondering what I was supposed to do next. I’d never experienced a breakup before, and aside from my mom, I had zero experience dealing with stuff like this. A part of me wanted to pull her out of bed, slap some sense into her, and point out her breakup only proved Happily Ever After was a myth that only belonged in movies and fairy tales. But the bigger part of me – the part that wanted to be a good friend – wanted to help but had no idea how. After all, one of the best things about Ally was her unwavering optimism, especially concerning matters of the heart. I didn’t want to poison her with my hardened cynicism.

Gentle taps on the door startled, me, but Ally didn’t move. I opened the door, expecting to see Ally’s mom or maybe one of her brothers, but Bianca greeted me instead, her backpack slung on her shoulders.

“What are you doing here?” I said as I hugged her. “Why aren’t you with Tim?” As soon as I asked, I panicked. “Oh, no. You guys didn’t—”

“Relax, Talia,” she said, holding up a hand to stop me. “We’re fine.”

I stepped aside to let her into the room and breathed a sigh of relief. I barely knew what to do with one heartbroken friend. There was no way I’d have been able to handle them both.

Ally sat up when Bianca set down her stuff and sat beside her on the bed. “What are you doing here?” she demanded. “You have a date tonight.”

“It was just some post-game party,” Bianca replied. “It’s not like it’s anything big. We didn’t even win.”

Ally looked despondent. “And you don’t think Tim’s at the party hooking up with someone else?”

Bianca paused for about half a second before she laughed. “And deal with the wrath of Brady? Ha!” She kicked off her shoes and added, “Anyway, I trust him. He’d never do that to me.”

“That must be nice,” Ally said with a pout. She started to whimper, a sure sign tears were close.

“Oh no.” I rushed to retrieve a box of tissues from the dresser, and Bianca wrapped her arms around Ally in a tight hug.

“Have I missed anything?” she said as Ally plucked tissues and sobbed into them.

I shook my head. “Not much. Just that it sounds like Hunter’s really messed up. He’s been stringing Kyle along for months.”

“Really?”

“Since before Halloween,” Ally said. “And no one knew. Hunter didn’t want anyone to know.”

I raised my eyebrows. “See? Totally messed up.”

“You’re blogging this, right?” Bianca said.

Ally blanched at the suggestion. “No,” she said emphatically. “Kyle told me all of this in confidence, which means this conversation doesn’t leave this room.”

“I already asked her why she’s kept quiet,” I said to Bianca. “She said it wouldn’t be responsible journalism.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be,” Ally said, “even if it would make my life easier. There’s all kinds of speculation about our breakup in the halls already, and I don’t have anything on the record to set anyone straight.” She fell backward on her bed again and wailed, “Why can’t I find a guy who honestly likes me and is upfront about everything and doesn’t play any games?” She blew her nose and sat up to fling her soggy tissue into the trash can in the corner. She missed.

I thought of Jake and Clover and frowned. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’ve got nothing to complain about. You’ve got this amazing guy who’s been in love with you since, like, third grade.”

I checked my surroundings before I pointed to myself. “Me? Hardly.”

Ally rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You’d see it if you weren’t so self-absorbed and clueless.”

Angry Ally was back, and for some reason, all her anger was directed at me. I steeled myself for a fight. I was sick of her drama and ready to lash out.

“‘Self-absorbed?’” I repeated. “Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Miss All-About-Me. The universe can’t function without Ally Katz in its center.”

She hopped out of bed and stood before me with her hands on her hips. “I, at least, put myself out there instead of hiding behind my insecurities, pretending I’m all emo and cool.”

“I don’t need people knowing every single detail about my life,” I retorted. “I don’t thrive on drama the way you do.”

Bianca put her hands on both our shoulders and separated us. “You guys, chill. Both of you.”

“She started it.” I knew I sounded like a two-year-old, but I didn’t care. I was tired of letting Ally take out her frustrations on me.

“Because I would do anything for someone to care about me the way Jake feels about you.” She threw herself back down onto her bed, her shoulders heaving as she sobbed.

“What are you talking about?” I turned to Bianca. “She’s completely delusional. Jake’s not interested in me. He’s with Clover.”

Ally lifted her head to glare at me. “He’s not with Clover, you stupid cow. Only you’re too dumb to realize it.”

I jumped up and grabbed my bag from the other side of the room. “You know what?” I said as I flung it onto my shoulder. “You can whine and mope about your pathetic breakup without me. I’m out.” I opened the door and stormed out. I was almost to the stairs when Bianca stopped me.

“Talia, wait!”

I whirled around. “I don’t know what her deal is. We were fine before you got here, and then all of a sudden—” I waved my arms to demonstrate the chaos we’d descended into.

“She’s feeling sorry for herself.”

“Um, you think?”

Bianca pressed her lips into a tight line. “Look, I’m not defending her or anything. She was way harsh. And I don’t know what’s going on with you and Jake and Clover and whatever, and I don’t care,” she said, emphasizing her last few words when I opened my mouth to argue. “You guys are my best friends. I need you to get along. Period.”

“I know, but she’s—”

“She’s Ally,” Bianca finished for me. “And the crazy thing is, as self-centered as she is sometimes, she’s probably the most observant person I know.” She paused and added, “Well, aside from my mom.”

I crossed my arms, waiting for her to say Ally was right or that she, too, thought Jake was in love with me. Thankfully, she did neither of those things. Instead, she pointed at my bag and held out her hand.

“Come on,” she said. “Please don’t make me go through this alone. You’re much better at dealing with her than I am.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I looked at Bianca, her eyes pleading, and realized how selfish I was being. Bianca canceled her date with Tim because she was worried about Ally. And me? I was ready to leave her because I was sick of her mood swings. I wasn’t sorry for saying she was self-absorbed, but I started to feel guilty about being a bad friend.

Bianca was right. Ally needed us. Both of us.

“Fine.” I handed her my bag. “But I want no more mention of Jake.”

“I’ll do my best,” she said as we headed back to Ally’s room.

“And we shouldn’t have a pity party without party favors.”

“Agreed. Or at least cake.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Though Ally insisted she still couldn’t eat anything, Bianca and I managed to get her out of the house to meet my mom for brunch the next morning. Dr. Griffin had gone to San Diego to visit his daughter Jessica at school, so Mom was happy to take us out. We arrived at the Lakeridge Country Club just after ten o’clock, and I nudged Bianca when we were seated at a table next to the girl we’d seen with Dante earlier that week. She shuddered, and I laughed.

Most of the Westgate kids’ parents were Lakeridge members, so I could almost always count on running into someone I knew. As a result, I avoided the club as much as possible. But Bianca and I agreed Ally needed to get out, and since Ally loved to people watch, Lakeridge was the best place to go.

Ally put down her menu. “I don’t know why you guys brought me here. Can’t I just go back home and hide under my blankets?”

“Absolutely not,” I said. “We’re here so you can socialize.” I hooked a thumb toward my mother who was making the rounds and stopping at just about every table to chat. “My mom can show you how it’s done if you’ve forgotten.”

“I don’t want to socialize,” Ally said after a mournful glance in her direction. She lowered her head onto the table. “I’d rather be left alone to contemplate my bottomless cup of a life.”

“A bottomless cup doesn’t sound like a bad thing,” Bianca said. “Doesn’t that mean it’ll never be empty?”

She lifted her head and looked at us with sad eyes. “But neither will it ever be full.”

Bianca and I exchanged glances. We were used to Ally’s melodrama, but she’d just crossed into a whole other zone. I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

“I’m hungry,” Bianca said from behind her menu. “I think I want that egg white frittata I had last time.”

“How can you possibly think about food when my heart is aching?” Ally said with a sniff.

“Maybe because my stomach’s empty?”

Ally let out a dramatic sigh. “It can’t possibly be as empty as the hollow corners of my shattered heart.”

I furrowed my brow, puzzled. “If your heart is shattered, how can it still have corners?”

She raised her head enough to glare at me. “It’s a metaphor!”

“Well, it’s not a very good one.”

Bianca set down her menu, a small smile playing on her lips. We avoided eye contact to keep from giggling.

Ally let out another sigh as she slumped back in her seat. “You guys just don’t understand.”

On any other day, I would’ve just brushed aside Ally’s theatrics as a plea for attention, but I started to wonder how seriously her breakup with Hunter affected her. It had been four days since she found him with Kyle, and she hadn’t returned to her usual sunny self. I wasn’t sure if it was the loss of Hunter or the end of the relationship she was mourning.

Maybe it was both.

“Sierra’s moving to Miami,” my mom announced to no one in particular when she returned to the table. “I hope they can find a decent tennis instructor to take her place. The girl before her was terrible.”

“I didn’t like her, anyway,” I said. “I thought she was full of herself.”

“She was a perfectly good teacher.” Mom sat down beside me. “You just didn’t want to work as hard as she made you.” She glanced across the table. I was certain she was going to bark at Ally and tell her to sit up straight, but instead she said, “Ally, honey, are you okay?”

Bianca shook her head and answered for her. “Rough breakup.”

“Oh no.” Mom clucked sympathetically and said, “The first ones are always the worst, too. How long were you guys together?”

Ally sniffed. “Twelve days from when he first asked me out.” She put her head back on the table.

“How long has she been like this?” Mom asked while Bianca rubbed Ally’s shoulders to comfort her.

“Since Wednesday. She, uh, walked in on him kissing someone else.”

“My costar,” Ally mumbled. “Kyle.”

My mom pursed her lips and made a sour face. “Ouch.” She unfolded her napkin and placed it in her lap. “Well, those magazines at the grocery store all say it takes about half the time you were together to get over him. So, Ally, dear, go ahead and have a good cry. You should be okay in about two days.”

Ally lifted her head and sniffed again. “Is that true?”

“Probably not,” Mom said with a shake of her head. “But it sounds good, doesn’t it?”

That earned a weak smile from Ally, and she straightened in her seat. Maybe brunch with my mom wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, Mom had some experience with broken hearts. I was sure she knew how to mend them.

“Ally, when was the last time you ate something?” she asked as the server left with our orders. Ally had insisted she didn’t want anything, but I’d asked for a yogurt parfait for her, anyway.

“My mom made me eat a piece of toast yesterday morning,” she said. “I’m too depressed to eat.”

“I wish I had that problem,” Clover said behind me. “When I get depressed, I turn into the human garbage disposal.”

I turned to find her hovering near our table. She was pushing the club’s dress code that day, wearing a chambray dress with brown cowboy boots and a white cardigan. I forced a smile, but it probably looked more like a sneer. I wish it was more genuine, like Bianca’s, but it was my best effort. Clover’s presence irritated me for reasons I couldn’t explain.

“Hi!” Bianca wiggled a few fingers in greeting. “How’s it going?”

Clover lifted a shoulder. “It’s going. I saw you guys come in.” She put a hand on the back of my chair and extended the other to my mother. “You must be Talia’s mom,” she said. “I’m Clover.”

“Oh, you’re Malcolm Davies’s daughter,” Mom said, rising to shake her hand. “I didn’t realize you and Talia were friends.” She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I toyed with the tea bag seeping in my cup and pretended not to notice.

“She and Jake are super close,” Bianca said. I kicked her under the table and shot her a murderous look when she kicked back.

Mom didn’t seem to notice. She offered Clover her seat and said, “Would you like to join us? I’m sure I can get Jason to bring another chair.” At this, she lifted her chin and raised her hand.

“No, thank you,” Clover said, stopping my mother. She gestured behind her. “My dad and I are about ready to leave. I just wanted to stop by and say hi.” She turned to Ally. “I heard you and Hunter broke up,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” Ally said with a small smile.

Clover looked down at me. “Have you talked to Jake about next Friday?”

“What’s next Friday?” I glanced at my friends to see if they knew what she was talking about, but they both shrugged.

“The open mic night,” she said. “At the Bookish Bean?”

I winced, remembering I’d said I’d consider talking to him about performing.

“No,” I said. “But that’s not really his thing.” You ought to know this, I wanted to add, but instead I said, “Why is this so important to you, anyway?”

“Because the song he’s working on right now?” she said. “It’s amazing. It would be really good for him to play it for an audience and gauge some reactions.”

I was confused. “Is Jake starting a new band?” I couldn’t think of any other time he’d wanted to test out new material.

Clover gave me a curious look before she laughed. “Just talk to Jake about it. It would be really good for him. Promise.” She glanced over her shoulder and then turned back to my mom. “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she said, releasing my chair. “Good to see you guys again,” she said to Bianca and Ally before she joined her father and disappeared from the dining room.

“She seems nice,” Mom said after we watched her leave. “Absolutely stunning, too. I didn’t realize you girls were friends with Malcolm Davies’s daughter.”

“That’s using ‘friends’ very lightly,” I mumbled as the server placed pancakes before me. I thanked him, ignoring my mother’s side-eye glare, and said more clearly, “I’m sure he has a perfectly good legal team at his disposal, Mom.”

“I like her,” Ally said. She began picking at the granola atop her parfait. “She doesn’t flaunt her dad’s celebrity like a bunch of other kids do. Like, she’s normal.”

Bianca nodded. “Agreed.” She held up a forkful of her frittata and looked at me. “I think we should all just go to this open mic thingy and tell Jake we’ll be there.”

“We should.” Ally’s eyes were bright, almost hopeful, and she was more animated than she had been in days. I couldn’t help but feel she was up to something, but I was willing to do almost anything to get her to stop moping – and that included indulging whatever secret plot popped into her brain.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jake was in the music room before school started the next morning. I found him there, playing the same song I’d heard him working on the night we kissed. My face grew hot at the memory of it.

“I’ll catch you when you fall,” he sang softly. “I’ll stay with you tonight and always. My heart and soul can’t lie. I’ll kiss your tears and hold you tight.” The tempo was faster, almost like it was a pop song and not the slow ballad I’d heard a couple of weeks ago.

He stopped suddenly and shook his head. “No, no, no,” Jake muttered. “That should be….” He strummed a series of chords and wrote something into the notebook on the music stand before him. He played it again, this time without singing. “Yeah, that’s better.”

“Hey,” I said from the doorway.

His head shot up, and he quickly closed the binder. “Oh! Hey.” He lowered his guitar onto a nearby stand and stood, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Huh? No, it’s – it’s cool. I probably need to wrap it up, anyway.”

I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment. I wanted him to keep playing. “That’s the song you were working on the other night, right?” I kept my voice as light as possible, but my mouth was dry.

Jake nodded as he packed up his gig bag. “It still doesn’t feel right, though. Clover says it’s because it’s the most personal one I’ve written, but….” He shoved his hair out of his eyes and glanced at me. It was one of those quick, fleeting looks that I would’ve missed if I wasn’t focused on him, but there was something about it that seemed kind of squirrelly. It was almost like he was nervous.

Or maybe he felt guilty about something.

Well, at least that made two of us.

I pushed that thought aside and swallowed hard. “You’ll nail it,” I said with what I hoped was an encouraging smile. “You always do.”

“Thanks.” He put his guitar case into a tall cabinet and locked it. The music room was the only place with lockers large enough to hold valuable instruments so students wouldn’t need to schlep them around all day or, if they were old enough to drive, leave them in their cars. Not a lot of kids used them, but there were always a few people every year who brought in their own equipment.

Jake slung his backpack onto his shoulders and paused, motioning for me to step into the hallway. I did and fell into step beside him.

I watched my bootlaces bounce up and down as we walked. “So, Clover said something about an open mic night coming up. Ally thinks we should go.”

“Oh, you saw Clover?”

“Yesterday. We were having brunch at Lakeridge, and she stopped by our table.” I waited a beat before I said, “I guess she didn’t mention it?”

“No, I haven’t talked to her since last Thursday, I think.”

My head snapped up. “Really? So what’d you do this weekend?”

“Hung out with Finn,” he said with a shrug. “Worked. Did some homework.” We stopped at his locker. “You know, exciting stuff.”

“Did you study for Ellison’s test?”

“Uh, no.” He opened his locker, grabbed a notebook, and slammed the door shut. “I didn’t want to get too crazy.”

I smiled, relieved he was cracking jokes again. The last week had been tense between us, and while I knew at least part of that was my fault, I missed our easy banter.

And I really missed his hugs.

I cleared my throat. “Hey, I know I’ve been all weird and whatever lately,” I said.

“Lately?” A corner of his mouth curved upward in an amused grin.

“Okay, weirder than usual.”

“That’s better.” He laughed, and I relished the sound of it. I hadn’t realized how much I needed our daily interactions. It made it harder to apologize, but I knew no matter what had happened between us, I still wanted us to be friends.

“So, anyway, I’m sorry for being all freakish and stuff.” I swallowed hard. “And for getting all weirded out after….” I let the words hang in the air because I didn’t want to say it. To admit jealousy was to reveal the worst type of weakness, but Jake just stared at me, his eyebrows raised as he waited for me to continue. I cleared my throat again. “I mean, I guess it’s not really any of my business if you….” I stopped again. I normally didn’t have trouble saying what was on my mind, but I was getting flustered. “You’re going to make me spell it out, aren’t you?” I blurted.

He furrowed his brow, confused. “Uh, yeah, because I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

I let out a sigh, but it came out more like a huff. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ve been a total brat, and I’m apologizing. Can we just leave it at that?”

A lopsided smile slowly crept across his face. “Sure.” He put his arm around my shoulders and steered me in the direction of my homeroom class as the first bell rang. I rested my head against his chest as we walked.

It felt good for us to be back to normal.

“So, open mic night,” I said. “Clover says you aren’t interested.”

“It’s not my thing. I’m not so good as a frontman. That’s why Zack and I got along. We didn’t compete.”

That was the first time he’d mentioned his former bandmate in weeks. I knew things were tenuous at best between them, but I still said, “Have you talked to him lately?”

“Zack? Not really.” He paused. “Did you hear Clover’s dad’s piecing together another band?” he said as we turned into the hall where my class was.

“Like one of those boy bands?”

“Well, they don’t have to be boys, but yeah. Something like that.”

I didn’t say anything, waiting for him to tell me he’d already been handpicked to be part of it, but he didn’t elaborate.

Ally was approaching the classroom from the opposite direction when I spotted her. I called out her name, and she gave us a sad smile with a halfhearted wave.

“Is she okay?” Jake sounded concerned.

“She kind of was yesterday.” I broke away from him and skirted past a group of girls standing in the middle of the hall to reach her. “Hey,” I said, giving her a half-hug. “You okay?”

“Meh.” She frowned. “I’ll live.”

“What’s up, Katz?” Jake wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

“I don’t want to be here,” she mumbled into his chest. “I just want to go home where people aren’t talking about me wherever I go.”

Jake glanced at me with a somewhat stricken expression. I nodded encouragingly, and he patted her back.

“It’s okay,” I said. “We’ve got your back.”

The second bell rang, and Jake gave me another quick hug before he rushed to his homeroom class. Ally and I went into our room and took our seats.

“I’m glad you guys are friends again,” she said after she lowered her backpack to the floor. “Did you kiss and make up?”

“Funny.” I narrowed my eyes and smirked. “No. I told him I was sorry for acting all stupid. We’ve called a truce.”

She raised her eyebrows, probably surprised that I apologized. I pretended not to notice and took out my phone to avoid inviting more questions about it.

Not that I really believed it would stop her.

Luck was on my side, though. Bianca swept into the room and made a beeline for her desk in front of mine. Her eyes were wide as she sat down and leaned over to talk to Ally. “Did you hear who Hunter was caught making out with in his car this morning?”

My head snapped up, and Ally’s mouth fell open.

“Not…?” she said.

Bianca shook her head, her expression solemn. “Not Kyle,” she said in hushed tones. “He was with Lila Bishop.”

I nearly fell out of my chair at the news. Ally paused for half a second before her eyes brimmed with tears. She crumpled into her seat.

“I don’t understand,” she said, covering her face with her hands. “Is it me? Because it feels like it’s me.”

With a long sigh, I reached into my backpack and tossed her a travel-sized pack of tissues. It only seemed to make her sobs louder though.

I’d never been so happy to hear Mr. Jorgensen’s call to order as the tardy bell rang.