Текст книги "Man Up Playboy "

Автор книги: Danielle Sibarium

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 1 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

 

Man Up

Playboy

Danielle Sibarium

Man Up

Party Boy

First printing, 2015

Copyright © 2015 by Danielle Sibarium

Cover art copyright © by CT Cover Creations

Cover photograph copyright © by CT Cover Creation

Book design by Danielle Sibarium

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the publisher.

The persons and events portrayed in this work of fiction are the creations of the author, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Published by: Platinum Crest Solutions, LLC

Publisher’s Note: The author and publisher have taken care in preparation of this book but make no expressed or implied warranty of any kind and assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. No liability is assumed for incidental or consequential damages in connection with or arising out of the use of the information contained herein.

Printed in the United States of America

For

Caryn Bruce Buonocore. Thank you for your support!

Chapter 1

I lean across the bar and give the pretty girl behind it my sexiest, flirtiest smile. She's been checking me out all night. If I play my cards right her soaking, wet panties will be off in a matter of minutes.

"What are you doing from now until the sun rises?" I ask leaning on the bar to get closer to her.

"When I'm finished cleaning up, I'm going home to my boyfriend and then hopefully getting some sleep," she says pretending she has no interest in me.

I shake my head as I run my eyes up and down her rocking body. "You mean you're going to go home and fuck your boyfriend. Lucky shit. Wish I was tapping some of that."

"Come on, Cooper." Noah puts his hand on my shoulder and tries to pull me away from the bar. "Party's over, we're the last one's here. Sorry about him," he says to the beautiful bar tending wench as if I did something wrong. "He had a little too much to drink."

"Don't fucking apologize for me, you cock sucker." I laugh at the name I just called him. Noah sure as hell doesn't suck cock. Pussy maybe, never cock, that would be my father. And to add insult to injury, he just professed his undying love and affection for his boyfriend in front of a shitload of witnesses. Me? I want the girl.

"Look at her, man." I extend my arm out toward the beautiful red head. The red heads I've been with have been crazy-sick in the sack. I doubt she'd be any different. I can see the wild abandon in her eyes. "Hey baby, ever been with two guys at once? We could do it now, before you get on your way. You, me, and my buddy. We don't even need to go far. Right there behind the bar works for me. I could bend you over and . . ."

"Cooper! What the fuck is wrong with you!"

I let out a long sigh. Where the fuck did Lexi come from? I'm not going to hear the end of it now.

"Don't worry. I got him." Noah answers.

"I liked you so much better before she cut off your balls." I point to my sister, then look back at him. "Fucking prick. You're going to get some tonight, too. Aren't you?" I shove his shoulder, not quite alright with the idea of him leaving here and fucking my sister. "So listen, red." I focus again on the girl who's pants I want into. "Take a look at these abs and tell me you don't want to oil me up and get slick between the sheets." I unbutton my shirt, but for some reason, instead of looking at me, she walks away to wipe down the opposite end of the bar.

"Come on, Cooper. You need to get out of here. You're embarrassing yourself and your father."

"I'm embarrassing my father? Me? Are you serious? He's the one that just married a dude. A fucking dude! He's the one that should be embarrassed. I'm doing what I'm supposed to, I'm looking for some sweet pussy. How the fuck am I embarrassing myself? Unless, is that why you're with Lexi? Is it really me you’re trying to get with? Because dude, I don't . . . I mean I love you and all, but not in that way."

"You fucking wish you could snag someone as hot as me."

"Fuck, Noah. You're serious aren't you? You fucking want my cock."

He shakes his head. "You're a real dick, Cooper. You know that?"

"I'm all dick," I say, my eyes on the girl again. "Long, hard, dick, ready to go all night long." I say loud enough for her to hear me.

Noah isn't laughing as he pulls me away from the bar, away from the place the sexy vixen and I eye fucked. If only she'd get me off, then I could end my night on a high note. I don't remember the last time that happened. I let out a long breath.

"I was going to fuck her until you came along," I scold my friend.

"No, you weren't. She was just being friendly in hopes of getting a better tip."

"You don't know that."

"Lexi, can you hang with your brother a minute?"

She crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at me, while Noah goes back to talk to the girl I want riding me through the night. That shit just isn't fair.

"You better get your shit together, Cooper. Time is running out. You can't act like a selfish, self-centered prick forever."

"Fuck you, bitch."

"Hey."

Noah's back and he's in my face. They're like a tag team, these two. And I hate it.

"Watch how you talk to her, Cooper."

"She's my sister, so if I want to tell her to go fuck herself, that's my right."

"And she's my girlfriend, so if I want to kick your ass in her name, that's my right."

"You know, Cooper, this is one of those times I wish to hell that you weren't my brother, and that my boyfriend didn't have any association to you, because I truly believe you brought out the worst in him."

"What are you getting all bent out of shape over?"

"Dude, you fucking offered me up in a threesome."

I wave it off like it's no big deal and turn to my sister. "Like I'd let him in on the action. You really think I'd do that? You think I'd even let him look at her damn tits knowing he's with you? It was a test. If he jumped at the opportunity I'd have to kick his ass."

"I think you're so fucking out of your head right now, you don't know what the hell you're doing, so yes, I think you meant it."

"Even if I did, it's not like he's never been with anyone before you. He's had his share of tits and ass."

My sister lunges for me, but Noah grabs her around her waist and keeps her from making contact. I'm not sure what she'll do if she gets her hands on me. Maybe that's why I’m taunting her. I want to feel something, anything but the emptiness that has taken residency in every fucking cell of my body since I walked out on Selene.

"Enough of this. I've worked too hard to get her to leave the past where it is. Get your head out of your ass, Coop." Noah says with my sister wrapped in his arms as he walks away.

"Where are you going?"

"To our room," Noah says looking back over his shoulder. "I suggest you do the same."

I flip him the bird before they stop short and Lexi pulls her phone from her clutch purse.

"Selene?"

My heart leaps from my chest into my throat. I don't move. The world is standing still, the red head forgotten. I listen to my sister talk to the girl I lost. To the girl I hurt so bad she won't take my calls; to the girl that left me empty and stole what little of a heart I had left.

"Oh my God. I'm in California, but I'll be home as soon as possible. Please, call me if anything changes."

I can't help myself, I rush at my sister and grab her by the shoulders as if my life depends on the information she just got, and it very well may.

"That was Selene?"

Lexi glares at me. Her green eyes are filled with tears. Fuck, this isn't good. I can feel the emotion pouring out of her. Why isn't she saying anything? I need to know what's happening with Selene.

"Is she okay? What's going on?"

Lexi doesn't answer. She stares me down.

"What Lexi? What the fuck is going on? Tell me!" I'm in her face, yelling, ordering her to tell me. I don't want to wait another second to know. The anticipation has me freaking out like a fucking teenager.

"Like you give a fuck about her, about anyone but yourself."

I'm breathing hard and heavy. "Don't fuck with me, Lexi. Not about her."

"Fine. You want to know? She's in the hospital, Cooper. She went to pick up her prenatal vitamins from the pharmacy and some punk was looking for a fix. He had a gun . . ."

My fingers squeeze tight around my sister's shoulders because I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe! The air just left my lungs. It left the whole fucking room. Maybe even the whole planet. I have a mass growing in my stomach of nerves and anxiety. My throat is constricting because I still don't think I'm breathing. I dig my fingers into her flesh, because I'm holding on for dear life. It's the only thing I can do. I'm fucking helpless. Selene needs me right now and I'm no fucking use to her. Instead, I'm thousands of miles away when I should be at her side. I'm here, and here is too fucking far.

"Did he hurt her? Please, let her be okay."

"She's not okay, Coop."

I had to have heard wrong. "But that was her on the phone just now, right? RIGHT?" My heart is pounding a mile a minute. Why is my sister torturing me like this? Why isn't she just spitting it all out?

After what feels like forever Lexi answers.

"She's not conscious. I don't have the details."

"Please, No!" The words leave me in a whisper. I'm not even sure I can speak until I hear a gut wrenching cry. It takes a minute before I can make out what's being screamed. I reach up and hold my head as the realization dawns on me that it's me, screaming into the nothingness of the night. It's me screaming the only word my mind will process. "SELENE!"

I drop to my knees and call out for her again. I yell out as if doing so might magically make her open her eyes, or better yet, make me appear at her side and shove all the bad stuff away, like it's been nothing more than a dream.

Noah pulls me back to my feet and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a guy hug. "It's okay. She's going to be okay."

I don't answer because I can't. I can't formulate words. I can't breathe, and I'm scared shit it's never going to be okay again. I hold on to Noah and nod. It's all I can do, and I'm afraid if I let go my knees are going to cave in. I hold him tight. Tighter than I ever held onto anything, including Selene. I stay there, holding him, allowing my emotions to keep their strangle hold on me, because I can't breathe, and I can't move. I want to rush to her side, but I'm across the country, which at this moment is as good as the opposite end of the world.

Chapter 2

Noah's calling the airlines trying to get us on the next available flight. Lexi's rushing to stuff their clothes in suitcases, and I'm pacing around the room. All effects of the alcohol I drank earlier in the night vanished the second I heard Selene's name.

"Are you sure no one's called you back?" I ask grabbing Lexi's phone and checking it myself. "Maybe I should just call the hospital and see if there's any change. Besides, I don't understand why they called you and not me."

"Because she took your name off the paperwork."

"What? Why?" Kick to the teeth and a knife to the gut at the same time.

"You really need to ask?"

"So if I call the hospital, they won't give me any information?"

She shakes her head, and for the first time, since she got the call, I think I see an ounce of sympathy in her eyes. "They're not supposed to."

"This is bullshit." I look to Noah for help, but he's on the phone, and not even looking in my direction. "But they'll tell you?"

"I'm her emergency contact."

"But I'm . . ."

"You're nothing to her, Cooper." Lexi says. "Just the way you wanted."

I want to yell and scream in my sister's face, tell her what a bitch she is, but she's right. This is how I wanted it. I complained all the fucking time. I sit on the edge of the bed holding my head in my hands and squeeze my eyes closed. I need to get the image of Selene lying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines out of my head.

Noah comes over and rests a hand on my shoulder. "Hey," he whispers holding his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone. "It's going to be alright. We'll get there as soon as possible. Just hold it together, man."

I don't believe him. Not at all, but I nod my head anyway.

Lexi drops what she's doing to answer the knock on the hotel room door. It's my father and his husband Stephan. They're both still dressed from the ceremony. Great. Just what I need. He's probably here to ream me out. The bitch at the bar must have complained about me.

"Any luck with the airlines?" He asks Noah.

"Earliest flight I can get is tomorrow morning."

My father looks at me, but I don't say anything. I don't bother asking how he knows I need to get back, or how much he knows about what happened to Selene. I sit there like the useless piece of shit I am and do absolutely nothing.

"I called in a favor. I can get us on a private jet in two hours."

I jump to my feet. I want to say thank you and throw my arms around him. "Us?"

"Stephan and I are coming."

"I don't think that's the best idea." Again what I really want to say and what comes out of my mouth are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

"You ungrateful . . ."

My father puts his hand on Stephan's chest to quiet him down. He's right though. I am a self-centered, ungrateful shit. Just like my mother told me for years. Just like Selene said the last time I saw her.

"Since I arranged the transportation, I come."

"I'm sorry, Dad. It's just, if Mom shows up and sees you, she's going to lose it, and I need to focus on Selene."

"I understand, and I'm a big boy, I can deal with your mother. My concern is for you. And I won't take no for an answer."

I nod, and look around the room. Nothing around me feels real. It's like I'm in some sort of fog.

"Come on, Coop," Noah nods his head toward the door. Let them sort it all out. Let's you and me, go get your shit packed."

*

"Are you happy with Lexi? I mean really happy?" I know the question is strange, especially given the gravity of the situation, but I need to know.

I've been watching my best friend and my sister for the last six months, waiting for it to all fall apart, but it hasn't, and I don't really understand why not. Lexi is a bitch. I know it; he knows it. But he has her under some sort of spell.

She went from claiming that Noah was evil incarnate any time she heard his name, to making god like references to him. I just don't understand how it happened. How did she go from wanting to stake him in the heart to worshiping him so fast?

And he's no better. It's like he's her fucking lap dog, always at her side, holding her hand, and sneaking kisses when he thinks no one is looking. If that's not bad enough she's got him so whipped he goes grocery shopping for her on his way home from work. He claims it gives him piece of mind knowing she has good food to eat.

Noah does pretty much anything Lexi asks. Meanwhile, she cooks and cleans for him. She never did that at home. She does his laundry, too; washes, dries and irons it. I've even seen her massage his feet after a long day at work. And he doesn't even stand most of the time.

I can only think they're into some kinky shit in bed and that's why they're all goo-goo eyed over each other, because I know Noah, and the imposter I've seen over the last half year isn't him. He's never been this into a girl. I'm yearning to understand how he could allow his life to change so much after a week. Just one week with Lexi and she became his world.

He didn't have time to hang out, or see anyone unless she was part of it. Sure he'd come out from time to time without her, but I could see his heart wasn't in it.  And it doesn't seem to faze him. I mean she's the only girl he fucked in the last six months. He's got to miss being with other people. I do. It isn't natural not to.

He pulls my suitcases out from the closet and tosses them on the bed. I've been here longer than they have, so I have more shit to pack. He stops and looks me in the eyes.

"I can't imagine my life without her."

"That doesn't mean you're happy. It means you're fucking whipped."

"I'm happy. Very happy. There's not one thing I would change."

"Not even sex? Isn't it boring being with the same person over and over?"

Noah opens and closes his mouth. He's not fast to answer, and I understand why. I usually lose a small piece of my mind when I think of him and Lexi in that way.

"She's all around incredible."

I cock my eyebrow up at him not sure I want to hear anymore.

"And I'm not just talking about sex." Noah is quick to explain. "Don't get me wrong, on a scale of one to ten, sex with Lexi is like a fifty, but I mean just lying next to each other and talking all night long, making each other laugh, sharing secrets, it's amazing. Knowing she's got my back no matter how bad things get in the world outside of us, it gets me through the rough patches. I can't get enough of her. And when I see her smile, it makes my world right."

I start pulling my clothes out of the drawers and placing them on the bed. Noah puts them in the suitcases. We continue like this, speaking without looking at each other, which is the best idea ever because the girl who's rocking his world in the bedroom among other places is my sister.

"Why don't you tell me what's really got you so messed up. One minute you’re smashed and looking to get some with the nearest willing body, the next you hear Selene's name, and . . . Coop, I've never seen you so fucked up."

"It's like Luna all over again."

All movement stops. Noah's eyes are on me, they're boring into me. I've only said that name a handful of times in years. The first time was the night I went home with Selene, and just like I did then, I shocked him with it.

"This is nothing like Luna."

"Whatever. The point is, I don't know what to do. I feel like shit. I'm so angry every muscle in my body is shaking. I want to go find this cocksucker and kill him. I'm scared man. I'm so fucking scared I'm not going to ever get the chance to make this up to her."

"Do you love her?"

"That's the problem. I don't know. I thought when you love someone it's simple, cut and dry. You don't have to think about it or rationalize, you just know. I thought I loved her, but then I've been so pissed at her, I think it can't possibly be love because I just wanted the hell away from her."

"Then maybe it's not."

"When I left, I was relieved, because I felt suffocated, you know? I wasn't ready for everything she wanted. I didn't want it, any of it. But now . . ." I scrub my hand over my face. I hear my voice crack, but I'm with Noah, so I'm not ashamed. "If she dies . . ."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're jumping way too far ahead. You can't think like that."

I narrow my eyes at my friend, hoping to keep the tears in. I know he won't make fun of me the way I would if the shoe was on the other foot, but I don't want to feel like a pussy on top of everything else.

"I swear, if she's not okay . . . " I close my eyes before verbalizing the other half of my thought, the other possibility that could derail any hope of a reconciliation, any hope of self-forgiveness. "Or if she loses the baby. She wants that baby so damn much. I don't know what I'll do. This whole mess is my fault."

"No, it's not. You can't blame yourself."

"I can. She asked me to fill out the forms and send them in with the prescription to set up the mail order, but I couldn't fucking be bothered. She was in that store at that moment because of me. Because I'm a shit."

"You have to stop blaming yourself."

If he only knew how much I blame myself. How that's the only thing I seem to be able to do.

"Did you make mistakes? Of course. We all do. But you need to stay positive right now. Stay strong for her."

"Noah, when we get back home, I need my friend, not Lexi's boyfriend."

"I'm always your friend."

"I mean, it. I need you by my side when I go, because if she . . . Please come with me. I can't do it alone."

"You got it, man."

We finish rounding my shit up in silence and head down to lobby to meet up with my dad and sister.

Chapter 3

This is the most comfortable seat I've ever had while flying. It's soft and plush, and sort of wraps around my body like a giant hug. I'm not sure if the material covering the seat is high-end vinyl or leather. Private jet, I'm thinking it's leather. I wish I could ask Selene. She'd know. This is my first time on one, so I'd love to take it all in and enjoy the experience. But I can't. I'm in a semi-panicked, full out shit mood. I called the hospital before takeoff. All they would tell me is that Selene's stable.

"Lexi, I'm losing my mind here, tell me what happened?"

"Just wait until we get to the hospital."

"Fuck that, Alexis. She's my . . . she's the girl I . . ."

No matter what I try to say, what my mind thinks I should say, I choke on the words before they can leave my mouth. They're jumbled up and trapped inside me, like a Sunday morning word scramble.

"Even now you can't bring yourself to say it. You can't admit that you give a fuck about her. Probably because you don't, Cooper. Because the only one you give a shit about is yourself."

"That's enough, Alexis," my father scolds. To my surprise Lexi backs down. She's still staring daggers at me, but she stopped the verbal attack.

"Just tell me what you know. Please."

"She's not conscious. That's what I know."

And Lexi won't give me any details. Not a fucking one. She claims she doesn't know anything more, but I don't believe her. She's now Selene's emergency contact and she knew that I not only lost that position, I lost the right to know anything about her at all. Already that's more than I know.

"Son, you're not alone in this," my father says mussing my hair like I'm eleven and pouting because I struck out with the bases loaded. "We're all here for you."

I don't say one word to him because I can't. My words aren't coming out the way I mean them to and all I want to do is tell him off. Even though my head is a mess and I feel myself shattering I know better than to get into this with him right now, because once I start, I won't stop until all the shit spews out of my mouth like steam from a geyser. I'll tell him how he caused my mother to hate him, which in turn caused her to hate me as well.

She blamed me for everything; I'm the reason she got married so young and ruined her life. I'm the reason she had another kid, keeping her chained to the house. I'm the reason my father left. I caused so much mischief, never giving my parents a moment to rest, he needed to seek comfort with other women. (She couldn't have been more wrong about that one.) Worst of all she blamed me for Luna. She sided with that lying, cheating bitch when she should've been holding me and telling me it wasn't at all my fault.

Not. One. Single. Bit. Of. It.

Even when I told her about Selene, my mother sneered and said I'd never be able to give her the life she deserves; that one woman would never satisfy me; therefore, I'd never be good enough for her.

And she's right.

That's what's killing me. She's one hundred percent fucking right.

The only woman in my life that doesn't think I'm-such-a-fuck-up-I-don't-deserve-another-chance is Lexi. I may have even fucked that relationship up for good earlier in the night when I tried to pull Noah into a threesome. What the hell was I thinking? God only knows how she's even talking to me at all after the shit that went down with her, Noah, and me when they first got together. Behind my back, no less.

It's the only way it could've happened. I tried to stop it and come between them because deep down I know in my heart I'll eventually fuck up so much even my sister will walk away from me. Only now when she does, she's going to take my best friend with her.

I glance back at my father wishing I could express in some small part how his leaving set off a domino effect that lead me here, right up to this point. I don't say any of this though because as much as I don't want to admit it, I know it's on me.

I fucked up. Again.

I proved my mother right, just the way I always do.

I fight every urge I have to say anything because even though I blame him the way my mother blames me, I want him here. I don't know what I'm going to face when we get back home, but it's not going to be easy. I know when I fall, when I crumble, everyone else will walk away. They'll step on me, over me in their retreat, further shattering the pieces of my soul.

He won't. Like me, he has too much guilt, and I need to know someone will at least try to piece me back together before tossing me in the trash. If I shove my father away with the bitterness eating at me, he'll leave me for dead the same as everyone else.

I nod and separate myself from the group.

*

I shut my eyes, grateful to be the only one on the aircraft sitting alone. I didn't have to. I could've taken a seat closer to the front with everyone else. Instead I slipped into the last row of double seats.

My father and Stephan are talking with Noah and Lexi, who are cuddled up on the couch across from them. Part of me yearns to be with them, to be part of something more than myself; to be part of a family.

I'll never admit it, but I'm jealous of Noah. My father accepted him with open arms. And Stephan gushes over both him and Lexi. Me, I'm the pain in the ass, the outsider. Even with my own father. If I could go back in time, I'd fix this all. I'd stick it out in Italy with Selene instead of running home like a little fucking girl. And that's why I'm here instead of with her. Because once again I ran away. I left her to fend for herself. Only this time the consequences could be fatal.

Why does this thought feel like my balls are being sliced open and fed to me for breakfast?

Is it love? Is it possible that even under the anger and resentment I really do love her? Or is it just guilt? I wish to God I could figure it out.

I want to sort out my feelings. I need to figure out what I'm going to do when we get home and I see Selene because one way or the other I need to make a firm decision about my future. Either she's it, and only her, or I walk away for good. Forever. Without ever looking back. If she's even alive when we get back home.

That thought sears my heart. I want to cry out and shriek from the pain. But I don't. Instead I do what I always do. I beat it down inside of me and ignore it. Just like I've done with my feelings for Luna over the years, both the good and the bad.

That reaction alone should convince me that I love Selene. I'd believe it too, if I didn't know how much I resented her. How I couldn't stand to be with her, to be touched by her. I believed she was the noose around my neck choking the life out of me. I'm starting to wonder if instead, she was the platform that supported my weight, keeping my feet on the ground, keeping me safe and alive, protected from that damn noose.

This is the first time I'm envious of what my friend found with my sister. It's the first time I miss having someone to reach out to and hold, or having a hand to grasp. Like so many years ago, this is a time I need to lean on someone and borrow their strength. I need to feel like I have something to offer another human being, that I have something to live for.

Loneliness pokes and jabs at me. It might be nice to have someone I can count on in my life, someone special. A lover. A partner. Especially if that someone is Selene.

I don't move. I stay where I am, lean my head back and close my eyes thinking back to the day I first laid eyes on her.