Текст книги "Man Up Playboy "

Автор книги: Danielle Sibarium

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter 15

I step outside, but it's not the hotel terrace. It's higher and much wider with no rails or barriers. I'm on a roof. I don't know how the hell I got here. I look behind me. There's no way to get back inside.

What the fuck?

A girl with long dark hair is sitting with her legs dangling off the edge. I want to call out to her, but I'm afraid if I do, I might startle her and she might fall.

"What took you so long?"

I look around to see who she's speaking to. I'm the only one here, so it must be me.

"If you want to talk, why don't you come over here and step away from the ledge."

"No, Cooper," she snaps back, pain and anger ripe in her voice. "You can't save me. It's too late. So don't bother trying."

"I don't believe you. You're here for a reason."

"You're right." She turns to me and it's the first time I've seen that smile in years. My heart skips a beat, and I find it hard to swallow. She's just as beautiful as I remember, but the feeling spreading through me isn't love. It's regret. "I'm here to take her away."

"What? Who?" At first I don't understand what she's talking about. I don't piece it together, because Luna and Selene have nothing to do with each other. They're completely separate parts of my life. But Luna's violet/ blue eyes size me up and pierce into me, as if she knows exactly what I'm thinking. Her lips creep up at the corners into a  mocking smile."

"You always were a day behind and a dollar short."

"What?" I wish she'd stop talking in fucking riddles.

"Come on, Cooper, you're smarter than this." Luna turns away from me and looks down once again.

"Come on," I walk over and grab her by the arm. My fingers are wrapped so tight around her flesh my knuckles are white.

She laughs at me. She's fucking laughing, and I have half a mind to shove her off the roof myself. Luna sneers at me at me and licks her lips. It's the most evil fucking look I've ever seen.

I feel rage rising up inside me. There's no other way to describe this all out, uncontrollable anger that she stirs in me. It needs to be unleashed before it consumes me. I can feel it, see it, she's trying to destroy me, and I've lived like this long enough. I need to put an end to this, to her, here and now.

"Get the fuck up." I yank her arm hard and pull her up to her feet in one swift motion.

Standing, Luna looks down at something on the ground and waves her hand. My heart is beating so fucking hard I feel my pulse throughout my body, in my throat, and my fingers. Even down to the tips of my toes. I'm trembling beside her, knowing without looking who she's waving to.

"What's the matter, Cooper? Did she find a way to break into that steal heart of yours?"

"No!" I yell at Luna. "You bitch. Don't you dare hurt her!"

"Or what?  What can you do? You can't fight me. You can't run from me. I'll always find you. So what is it you think you can do?"

My hands are clenched into fists at my sides. I never wanted to hit a woman so bad in my life. I'm struggling, using every ounce of self-restraint to keep myself from decking her and pounding on her face until she goes away forever.

"You turned away from me. Turned me away when I needed you the most."

"Go back to where ever the hell you came from."

"Not until I see the look on your face." Again that knowing sneer. That sneer that says she has the upper hand. She can't possibly. Not unless . . .

I know the blood just drained from my face. Maybe even my whole body. "What did you do to her?"

"Go ahead, Cooper. Look. Take a look at your precious Selene. You know you want to. You're trying to convince yourself that everything is fine, but you know better. You feel it in here." She taps her hand against my chest, and it hurts, as if she zapped me with a lethal electrical charge.

"Come on. You know looking will confirm your worst fear. You'll never believe if you don't see it. You want to look. You want to look so bad you're forcing your eyes closed, because you don't want to give me the satisfaction, and you know if they're open the temptation is too great. You're going to do it, Cooper. You might as well get it over with." She shoves me forward and pushes the back of my head. "Look, Cooper! Look at her lying on the ground."

Luna has me in some sort of paralysis grip. I'm at the edge, facing forward and I can't move. I try to fight her hold on me, but it does nothing. Nothing but wear me out and frustrate me. And then it happens, just as she said, I can't keep my eyes from looking down and seeing my precious Selene, splattered on the ground, blood all around her.

"Selene!" The scream is so loud, so guttural I think a vein in my head burst and my vocal cords snapped in half. I can't breathe. The pain in my chest feels like it's been ripped open and someone's breaking my ribs apart. "Selene!" I cry again.

"Shh. I'm right here." Her hands are on either side of my face, holding me. Her soft lips press against my cheek, making their way to my mouth. "I'm right here, Cooper."

I open my eyes and stare at her afraid she's going to shimmy away and disappear. It's her. My beautiful, sweet Selene. I run my hands through the soft blonde curls, and over the flawless creamy skin of her face making sure she's real. My trembling fingers comb through her hair, and I pull her to me. I need to hold her, feel her. I don't say anything. My throat burns, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to speak again.

"You're okay, Cooper." She kisses my forehead damp with sweat and holds me close. "It was just a dream."

Not a dream. A fucking nightmare.

I take her face between my shaking hands and hold her still, so I can look in her eyes and make sure they're bright and full of fire. She's nervous. Scared. So am I. I'm scared out of mind. Downright terrified.

"Selene," I whisper, my voice inaudible. "Don't leave me." I feel wetness on my cheek, and I know sometime while I was sleeping, or screaming, or finding solace in her arms, tears have escaped from my eyes. I'm such a pussy. I hate myself. Hate that I'm crying like a little fucking girl.

"I'm not going anywhere," she assures me, kissing the salty tears away as she straddles me. Having given into exhaustion earlier in the night, we fell asleep naked. This is all I need, the feel of her body against mine. Even under the stress of the nightmare, my body responds to her. I'm hard. I have no will, no ability to think or act right now. All I can do is lose myself in her blue eyes. Lose myself to the fact that she's alive and safe, and in my arms.

"It's okay, Cooper. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere," she says reaching down, using her hand first, to stroke me, and then to position me inside her. Once settled on top of me so that I'm deep within her, Selene's fingers twine in my hair, she's holding me and forcing me to look at her while she speaks and moves her hips.

"Feel me. I'm here. I'm with you. I'm all around you."

I wrap my arms around her tight and lean my head against her chest, not used to being so close, so intimate. I surrender to her completely while I do little more than listen to the cadence of her heartbeat, and cling to her as she moves in a smooth, easy rhythm. I'm completely still, except to tilt my head up and stare at her face every now and then. Each time I do, I find her looking back at me. Like she knows what's on my mind and in my heart. I just want to look in her eyes and hope that simple connection can express everything I wish I could say.

Within minutes, I'm composed. I didn't realize how desperately I needed to be inside her, how I needed to be one with her. Every touch is tender and passionate. She's expressing more than her physical needs and desires. She's expressing something much deeper, much more important. She not only understands what I need, she's giving it to me. Unselfishly. Asking for nothing in return.

In my head, I say the words over and over. I say what I'm feeling, what I'm sure she already knows. "I love you. I love you so much, Selene." But those words can't leave my mouth, no matter how bad I want them to. They stay trapped in my head, trapped in my throat. I can't get them past my lips. It's as if they're a vial of poison and saying them will shatter the container, and blast the poison not just through my heart, but through my mind and body as well. I keep trying, but I can't get any sound out of my mouth.

Once again it's like she knows what I'm thinking, as she stares lovingly into my eyes, her gaze never wavering. "It's okay, Cooper. I'm here." She says crushing her mouth on mine and containing my screams as I become a slave to my body and explode inside her.

Chapter 16

Make believe works on both ends. I can pretend she's fine, and now it's her turn to make believe I'm still the great guy she wants me to be. Selene doesn't ask me what happened. She doesn't look to digest my life and find the hidden meaning. She lays besides me and when my arms wrap around her and pull her against my chest, she snuggles up and holds my arms tight.

I should say something. I know I should, but I can't. What can I say? "Sorry I'm such a pussy, babe." No. If I have an iota of self-respect left I can't apologize. But I have to say something.

"Thank you," I whisper into her ear.

She lets out a long breath, and I feel her body relax even further and meld into mine. "Anytime."

Within minutes I feel the change in her breathing, and I know she's asleep. I close my eyes and recapture the look she had in her eyes when she was on top of me a few minutes ago. So sweet. So beautiful. I don't know how long it takes me to fall back asleep, but at some point I do, and I don't wake again until late in the morning.

We make small talk over breakfast. Selene doesn't ask what happened last night and keeps the conversation light and easy. She's amazing.

My feelings for her surprise me more with each passing day. I keep waiting for the moment I don't want to be with her, but it doesn't come. It's been months now, and no annoying habits have gotten under my skin. Nothing but her. I don't want to be without her. That must be the reason for the nightmares. I'm realizing just how deep inside me she is. And I'm afraid.

The train ride to Rome is much like breakfast. It's light and easy, but I feel the tension building between us. Maybe it's just my imagination? Perhaps I'm looking for something to go wrong, for this all to fall apart.

I try to bury the feeling rising in my chest, the feeling that at any minute the other shoe is going to drop, because Selene proved to me last night, and the way she's handling everything this morning, that I have nothing to worry about.

I contemplate telling her about Luna. If I do, maybe I'll find some peace. Maybe the dreams will stop, and then I can devote not just my body, but my soul to Selene as well. She deserves it far more than Luna ever did. The problem is Luna stole a piece of me. She took the best part of me and left with it, forever. I don't know how to get it back, but if I don't find a way to make amends with Luna, it's going to destroy Selene and me for certain.

*

The Trevi fountain truly is the most beautiful and detailed fountain I've ever seen. Pictures don't do it justice. We are just as awed by this breathtaking sight as we were standing in the courtyard at the Vatican and yesterday at St. Mark's Basilica. The tour is wrapping up and the guide gives us a coy smile.

"It is said if you stand with your back to the fountain and toss a coin in over your shoulder, you are assured a return visit to Rome."

"I've been told," a woman from the crowd calls out. "That if you do that, you are certain to find true love."

"I don't need to toss a coin in for that," Selene says in a soft voice.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" I ask pulling her back against my chest and leaning my head on her shoulder.

"Because I already found my true love," she says turning in my arms to face me and clasping her hands behind my neck. "And he's standing right in front of me."

I bring my lips to hers, feeling as if I'm floating in the air. I never thought I'd hear those words. Not from anyone that wasn't family. I can't believe she just told me she loves me. And after the episode last night. I squeeze her tight, lifting her off her feet.

"I love you, too, Selene," I say burying my face in her hair. Whatever little bit of a heart I have, it belongs to you."

"You're too hard on yourself, Cooper. You have a giant heart full of love." She's beaming. Her eyes are locked on mine, and she's fucking glowing from the inside. For the first time I realize I must have something to offer her. I must be better than the piece of garbage my mother convinced me I am, or else Selene would never have fallen in love with me. And not just fallen in love, she said I'm her true love.

*

Selene is wiped out again. We head straight back to the hotel after dinner. I pull a bottle of champagne out from the mini refrigerator along with two glasses. It doesn't matter where we are, my girl is in love with me. That's something to celebrate.

"None for me," Selene offers a reluctant smile.

I stare at the bottle in my hand, realizing that she hasn't had more than a sip or two of wine since we got here. I don't need for Selene to drink, but it's unlike her, and it only convinces me further that something is seriously wrong.

I set the bottle and glasses down on the counter, and pull Selene over to the bed. I need to get to the bottom of this before I drive myself crazy.

"Come here," I say settling her down on the spot next to me.

Selene looks at me through her long dark lashes. It's like she's trying to hide behind them. I hold her face between my hands and start with a slow and tender kiss.

"Baby, I know something's wrong. I can see it. I'm worried sick about you. Please tell me what's going on."

She nods. "Okay. This is so much easier now that I told you I love you and I know you feel the same."

My heart drops in a free fall. Fuck. Deep down I knew something was wrong, but I hoped it wasn't true.

"I was really nervous about how you'd react." She stands, but I take her hand and pull her back down. "I still am," she says meeting my eyes again.

"No, baby." I take her hands in mine and rub my thumbs over her knuckles. "Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."

A smile spreads across Selene's face and tears fall from her eyes. She lunges at me and wraps her arms around my neck tight. I don't push her back yet. I take the moment to hold her and console her. I want her to know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.

"Okay. Here goes," she says, and I feel like she's stalling for time. "Cooper, I'm pregnant."

What. The. Fuck.

I drop her hands. My body goes rigid. Talk about a sucker punch.

Her eyes dart down toward the floor as silence builds and I feel a wall rising between us. Forget a wall, it builds a fucking moat, castle and armory.

"I know this isn't something we planned." She reaches out for my face, but I flinch away, unable to tolerate her touch. "Please say something, Cooper." Her eyes well with tears. "You're scaring me."

I stand and take a step away from her, but she doesn't let me move. She's on her feet and I feel her hand brush against mine.

"Cooper."

"Get the fuck away from me!" I explode. "You stupid fucking bitch! How can you do this?"

Selene's hand covers her mouth, and her eyes pool with tears. She doesn't let them fall though. She takes a moment, fights her emotions and composes herself.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Why? You fucking ask why you little, lying bitch?" My words assault her. I see their effect on her face but I can't stop. I don't want to. She woke a sleeping dragon. I'm breathing fire, and I'm not going to stop until I destroy everything in my path. Right now that happens to be Selene. "You fucking lied to me. You did this on purpose!"

She shakes her head back and forth. "No. How can you say that?"

"Easy," I say advancing on her. "You told me you were on the pill." I look at her with distain. "If you didn't want to get pregnant you would've made sure you were responsible enough to take it the way you were supposed to. That's all you had to do! Take a little fucking pill every day. I guess that was just too fucking hard for you."

Her hand comes across my face. "I did you jackass."

I grab her wrist post swing. My fingers squeeze and dig into the flesh. "Don't you ever fucking hit me," I hiss. "Not unless you're prepared for me to hit you back."

Selene's eyes grow wide. I recognize everything I've feared seeing. Hurt. Anger. Fear. Good. She deserves to feel every one of those things.

She works hard at wrenching free from my grasp. I don't say anything. I just stand there seething as she rubs her wrist, then wraps her arms across her stomach. Is that supposed to make things better? Really?

"I can't believe you're acting like this," she says sniveling.

"What did you expect?" I hiss, leaning in on her. "Did you think I'd be happy?"

"No. Not exactly happy, but it was an accident."

"An accident huh? Maybe it's such an accident some other jerk-off knocked you up and you're trying to pass it off as mine. You think you're the first girl to pull this shit on me?"

Again her hand flies up and covers her mouth.

"Who hurt you?"

I shake my head. "Don't change the subject. Did you think it would turn out different this time?" I don't ask. I order her to tell me.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Right now I feel like I don't know you at all."

"You don't know. You're a fucking liar is what you are. I need to get the hell away from you."

Needing to get out, to escape, I head toward the door. I don't know where I'm going, but right now the further from her the better.

"This is about Luna isn't it?"

I freeze. She just confirmed what I accused her of. She knows. How the fuck did she find out?

"How do you know that name?" I turn on her, and there's no more hiding, no more pretending to be someone I'm not. The cold, heartless bastard is back I feel the monster inside me surface.

"Please, you're scaring me."

"You should be scared. Now answer the fucking question."

Tears fall in a torrent from her eyes. I don't move. Nor do I lessen my scrutiny of her. I need to know where she's coming from and what her end game is, so I can properly defend myself.

"How do you know that name?" I ask again, not bothering to hide my anger or irritation.

"From you." She says much more composed than I thought she'd be. She lifts her head high and sticks her chin out. "You've called her name in your sleep. More than once."

Fuck. I run my hand through my hair. I must have told her everything in my sleep. That's why she didn't even bother to ask me about last night. She already fucking knows.

"What else did I say?"

She shakes her head. You called her, and you called me. That's all I know. But she's the reason for the tattoo isn't she? She's the reason you're so hard on yourself. Things didn't end well and you blame yourself."

"Things didn't end well?" I force a haughty laugh from my mouth. "They didn't end well? Yeah, you can say that. Let me tell you how not well they ended. Luna's dead."

Selene's shocked. I see it in her eyes and at how hard she swallows. I give her credit though, she's not running. Yet.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? What are you sorry for? For getting knocked up? For doing it on purpose? Or for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong?"

"I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry you never gave me a chance to help you. Most of all, I'm sorry I fell in love with you."

Right back at you babe.

"Then you'll get rid of it?" I ask, knowing that's the only decent thing to do. For all of us. Including the thing growing inside her.

She shakes her head. "No."

"So I don't get a fucking say at all? You lie, and now I'm on the hook?"

"I didn't lie." Her voice rises. "It's from the antibiotics. Sometimes the pill doesn't work when you're on them. And I don't recall asking you for anything."

"That's what you say now. What happens when you pop the little bastard out? Then you'll be looking for money to pay for it."

"Fuck you, Cooper! And don't ever say anything like that about my baby again."

"Right. Your baby. It's all about you isn't it?"

"What does that mean?"

"What if the tables were turned? What if you didn't want it but I did? Then you'd have every right to kill it, and I still wouldn't have a fucking say. So it's all about you. I'm just the dumb ass that has to pay for the rest of my life."

"If you don't want to be part of our life, that's fine by me."

"Great. Have a nice fucking life."

I grab my suitcase out of the closet and start throwing my shit in it.

"Where are you going?" I hear desperation in her voice. It's familiar. It's how many of my nights ended with girls that thought I'd stay and hold them. Girls that were easy lays. I hoped to never hear that sound from Selene. But right now I couldn't care less. She betrayed me, in the worst way, and I want to be as far from her as possible. Another continent doesn't seem far enough.