355 500 произведений, 25 200 авторов.

Электронная библиотека книг » Courtney Cole » Before We Fall » Текст книги (страница 12)
Before We Fall
  • Текст добавлен: 30 октября 2016, 23:29

Текст книги "Before We Fall"


Автор книги: Courtney Cole



сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter Twenty-One

Dominic

I lay in the dark, naked and alone, and try to pull myself together.

Quit being such a pussy.

But Emma’s name, coming from Jacey’s lips, was such an unexpected shock to the system that it took the wind out of me. Jacey has no idea how much I don’t pretend that she’s Emma. She has no idea how much that name guts me.

And she won’t ever know, because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to talk about it. Jesus.

I can’t believe I’d been so close… so close to simply pretending that I was someone else tonight… and fucking Jacey in my pool.

I almost let my guard down that fucking much.

It won’t happen again. I flip over onto my back and shove a pillow onto my head so I can sleep.

The flight home is awkward and quiet. Jacey stares quietly out the window, barely saying anything. I want to say something, but I’m not sure what. I’m not sure what there is to say. She wants more of me than I can give. She wants to know me.

Well, she thinks she does. If she did get to know me, she’d take back that wish. I can guarantee that.

I drop her off at her house, and she barely looks at me as she kisses my cheek and gets out of the car.

She doesn’t talk to me for two days.

It’s a long fucking two days.

She ignores me at work, and by the first night, I itch to call her. I go so far as to pull out my phone and start to dial her number before I stare at it and sigh.

Call her and say what?

There’s nothing to say. We’re at an impasse. She needs more than I can give.

The strange thing is that I wish it were different. For the first time ever, I wish that I could be that guy. The guy who can do a relationship. The guy who can do the give-and-take thing. But I know me. And I know that I’m the guy who just takes and takes.

I don’t have the ability to give.

I put my phone away.

On the second day, as I round the corner into the locker room, I hear Jacey’s voice and I freeze, not wanting her to see me.

“I know, Mad.” She sighs, and I know that she’s on the phone with her best friend. “I know. But he’s not like Jared. I swear to god. He’s not like that.”

There’s a pause while she listens, and I’d give my left nut to be able to hear what Maddy is saying.

“He won’t talk about it,” she continues. “Trust me, I tried. But—”

Maddy must’ve interrupted, because Jacey abruptly stops and listens.

“Yeah, I know that. I know I can’t control how other people act. I can only control myself. I know.”

She sighs.

“I’m falling for him, Mad. I tried not to. But I can’t help it. There’s something more to him. Something deep and hurt. Deep down, he’s a good guy. He’s just injured on the inside.”

Pause.

And then she protests. “No, it’s not like that. Mad, it’s like when you met Gabe. You knew he might not be good for you, but your gut told you that there was something really good inside him. And there was, Mad. I think Dom might be the same way.”

Another pause, during which my tongue feels like a piece of lead.

She’s falling for me?

My heart runs away in my chest and I’m utterly frozen to the ground.

I can’t be the person she wants me to be. I’m not good deep down, not like she thinks. No matter how much I like her or how much I like being around her, I don’t see the sense in continuing this when I know what the end result will be.

I owe her that much. If she can’t protect herself from me, I’ll do it for her.

I walk around the corner, and Jacey looks up from where she’s sitting on a locker room bench. Her eyes widen at the sight of me.

“I’ve gotta go, Mad. I’ll call you later. Love you too.”

She stands up and slips her phone in her pocket. As she turns toward me, her eyes so fucking soft and gentle, I have every intention of firmly ending things.

Very firmly. So firmly that she won’t even try to change my mind.

But then she speaks, and what she says takes me by surprise.

“I’m sorry, Dominic,” she says simply, staring into my eyes. “About the other night, I mean. I shouldn’t have brought up an old girlfriend like that. Whatever happened with you and her… it’s not my business. We’re just having fun… and that was out of line. I’m sorry.”

I’m shocked that she would apologize. I’m shocked she would say that we’re just having fun when I’d just heard her tell Maddy that she was falling for me.

It’s so drastically different from the conversation that I thought I’d be having right now that all I can do is nod.

I nod, because if she wants to pretend that we’re so fucking casual, if she wants to go on with the status quo and not acknowledge the feelings that might change everything, then I’m not going to stop her. Not yet.

I’m too fucking selfish for that.

So, nodding, I answer, “I’m sorry, too. I probably overreacted.”

Jacey stares at me in shock, light gleaming in her eyes now. “Did you actually just apologize to me? Was that your first time? Did it hurt?”

I roll my eyes. “I was thinking the same thing about you. But hey, I’m not going to question a girl who punches cougars in the face.”

“Whatever.” She shoves my arm. “I didn’t punch it in the face. I threw a rock into its face.”

“Same thing,” I tell her wryly, and with that, the tension between us is lifted.

Just like that. We’re back to pretending again, our stupid little fantasy where we act like we’re got everything under control, that we’re nothing more than friends with benefits.

That’s okay with me.

I’m an actor. I can fucking act.

The problem is, this isn’t a movie. Jacey and I are balancing on a very thin line between a façade and reality. We’re treading on very thin ice. In real life, when people walk on ice for too long, they finally break through.

And when that happens, someone drowns.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Dominic

Being the fucking actors that we are, Jacey and I pretend that everything is fine. We talk back and forth for the rest of the day about nonsense things, gossipy things, things that don’t fucking matter.

When it’s almost time to go home, I’m getting ready to see if she wants to duck out with me and grab dinner when Jake, Tig, and two other boys come walking through the gym with about a million balloons, all of them pink.

All of them say HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Surprised, I stare at Jacey and find her grinning wildly.

“How did you know?” she squeals as she rushes up to hug them.

“I might’ve said something,” a deep voice rumbles. The balloons part and a guy steps out. Big, dark haired, dark eyed. He’s got Jacey’s eyes and a tattoo on his bicep: DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR.

“Gabe!” she shrieks, running at him in a dead sprint and leaping into his arms. “How are you… why are you…”

Her voice dies off and he laughs, holding her easily in his heavily muscled arms. He and Brand were certainly cut from the same cloth.

“I finally rendered you speechless?” He grins. “Well, that only took twenty-four years. And you think I’d miss your birthday? Really? I called Joe and asked if we could surprise you here. He roped the boys in on it too.”

Jacey pulls away and looks at him. “But Maddy’s due soon. You shouldn’t have left her.”

Gabe chuckles and sets his sister on the floor. “I’m only here for the evening, just to be on the safe side. I’ll fly back home tonight. But Maddy sends her birthday wishes—she’s going to call you tonight.”

“She actually called me just now. She couldn’t wait. And she didn’t let it slip that you were here. Oh my gosh, I miss you guys so much!” Jacey cries, and her eyes actually do well up. Gabe glares at her mockingly.

“Don’t cry on your birthday,” he instructs her with a grin. “You’re so dramatic.”

She arches an eyebrow. “Dramatic? I haven’t seen you in months.”

“Well, I’m here now,” he pacifies her. “I’m going to take you to eat, and I want to hear everything that’s going on. Brand’s picking us up.”

They brush past me, and as they do, Jacey pauses, looking at me. “Gabe, this is Dominic Kinkaide.”

“The actor,” Gabe points out, his eyebrow raised as he stares at me. I can actually see the thoughts in his eyes. The protective big-brother genes have stepped in, and he wants to know what I am to his sister.

“Guilty,” I tell him, holding out my hand. Technically, I’m only addressing what he said out loud. But I’m also admitting guilt to the question in his eyes. Yes, I’ve done inappropriate things with his sister. No, I’m not sorry.

And no, I’m not afraid of him. He probably sees all of that in my eyes, just like I see all of the questions in his.

“Gabe Vincent,” he says politely, shaking my hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Brand’s told me all about you—and how you and Jacey wound up here together.”

Fuck.

But I keep my expression calm. “That was a messed-up night, and I’m sorry that Jacey was involved in it at all. Thankfully, we’ll be done with our community service soon and we can forget it ever happened.”

Jacey stares at me, and there’s hurt in her eyes because it sounds like I’m saying that I want to forget about her, too. I feel a twinge of guilt about that, in addition to the fact that I didn’t even know it was her birthday. But I’m saying what her brother wants to hear. Gabe nods.

“It’s good to meet you.”

And they disappear through the door. I follow them so I can get to my own car and step outside just in time to hear Jacey squeal again.

What the hell?

Brand is driving up in a little red Honda Civic. He looks like Grape Ape in the thing with his head grazing the ceiling, but the situation is clear.

Either Brand or Gabe bought Jacey a car for her birthday.

She’s jumping around like a lunatic, hugging them both and shrieking like a kid.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you did this!” She’s crying and shrieking and Gabe laughs.

“You thought I’d let you drive that piece-of-shit death trap around forever? Whatever. Happy birthday, sis.”

She hugs him, then hugs Brand. When she stares up at Brand, with her arms around his neck… the way she looks at him, like he’s a fucking hero or something, causes my stomach to clench.

Jesus.

His big hands hold her close, and Gabe catches me staring. I can see in his eyes that he sees what I see. Brand’s in love with his sister.

Whether Jacey is still denying it is unclear.

“Come on, Jace.” Gabe pulls her away from Brand. “Let’s get some dinner. I’ll buy you cupcakes for dessert.”

They pile into Jacey’s new car and drive away.

Joe stands behind me, watching them leave. “Those boys got medals for their time in Afghanistan. Jacey comes from good people, son.”

I don’t bother reminding him that I’m not his son. It doesn’t bother me as much this time as it usually does. Not now that Joe actually seems to like me.

“She does,” I agree as I start toward my car. Too bad one of them is in love with her.

“Kinkaide, wait!” Joe calls. I pause, turning back toward him. “I know what you did.”

“Pardon?” I ask, staring at him in confusion. I’m thinking that he’s figured out that Jacey and I are seeing each other, but no.

“I know you paid my taxes,” Joe says firmly, staring at me. “Don’t bother denying it. It had to be you. You overheard me on the phone with the IRS.”

“I’m not denying it,” I answer, just as firmly, my hand on my car door. “I didn’t want this place to have to close. I don’t do enough humanitarian things, so it was just as much for me as you.”

“Well, I’m not a charity case,” Joe tells me proudly. “And I’ll pay you back every cent.”

“You don’t need to do that,” I tell him quickly. “It was something I wanted to do.”

“Yeah, I do need to,” Joe replies. “And I will. And I don’t want you thinking that you get special treatment around here. You’re still going to have to get here on time, and you can’t miss days. I won’t cut you any slack because of this, got it?”

“Of course not,” I answer wryly. “I wouldn’t have dreamed of that.”

And I wouldn’t have. Joe doesn’t play favorites, and he’s only just starting to like me. I climb into my car, but before I can close my door, Joe says my name again.

I look up at him. “Yeah?”

Joe stares at me with faded blue eyes. “Thanks.”

I know it was hard for him to say, so I just nod and drive away without making a big deal of it. I’m surprised how good helping him has made me feel, though. I’m buoyed by a sense of moral goodness, and that’s something I rarely get the chance to feel. It’s a novel fucking feeling.

I aimlessly drive for a while before I pick up a sandwich. I’m restless and I know why. I want to know what’s going on with Brand and Jacey.

Is it my business?

Hell no. Because I’m not supposed to care.

But what the hell are they doing right now?

I’m being pathetic, like a jealous teenager. At the same time, I feel like an ass because I hadn’t known about her birthday. The girl risked her life for me, for god’s sake. The least I can do is know when her birthday is.

But better late than never.

I scroll through my phone for the flower shop nearest to her house and make a call.

After five minutes, I smile as I speak. “Great. That’s exactly what I want. Yes, I know it’s an unusual request. Yes, I’m sure people usually like the stems, too.”

I head to the nearest bar and drink a couple of whiskeys before I drive for Jacey’s house. I haven’t texted her, so I have no idea when she’ll be home. All I know is, when she does come back, I’ll be waiting for her.

Well, me and a yard full of flower petals.

I stand at her gate, smiling as I stare at her tiny lawn. It’s completely blanketed by several inches of pink rose petals. I can smell the thick rose smell from here. The wind rustles them, spreading them across the sidewalk, carrying their scent on the breeze. It looks like something out of an abstract painting. Or a dream.

Her dream.

I sit on her porch and wait.

I entertain myself by scrolling through my phone, and it’s almost dusk when I hear her talking. I pick my head up to find Brand walking Jacey along the sidewalk in front of the house.

“You didn’t have to follow me home,” Jacey tells him, smiling up at him. My gut clenches yet again over the expression on her face. “I’ve watched my brother fly away a million other times when you guys were still in the Army. I’m fine.”

“Well, I just wanted to make sure,” Brand says quietly. “I know it’s hard, Jace. I know you feel all alone here, but you’re not. I’m still here.”

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk, and neither of them have noticed me yet. Jacey stands on her tiptoes and kisses Brand’s cheek. “I know,” she replies softly. “You always have been. Thank you for an amazing birthday, Brand.”

“You’re welcome.” He stares down at her, and the moment suddenly seems painfully intimate. I can’t take it. I clear my throat and they both startle, staring at me in surprise.

“Dominic!” Jacey exclaims, stepping away from Brand and peering into the darkness toward me. “I didn’t even see your car. What are you doing here?” And then she notices her yard.

“Holy shit.” She breathes, her eyes widening. “Oh my god. Did you do this?”

I nod. “I’m sorry that I didn’t know it was your birthday.”

She stares at me, her eyes still wide. “And so you made my dream come true? You’re responsible for the death of a million roses now, but oh my god. It’s so beautiful.”

I stare at her, trying to ignore the awe in her eyes. “I came to see if you wanted to hang out for a while. For your birthday. I didn’t know you’d still be tied up.”

I glance at Brand and back at Jacey. She’s shaking her head. “Brand just followed me home. He was afraid I’d be upset over Gabe leaving. He keeps forgetting that I’m a big girl now.” She laughs, and Brand looks pained.

I know that he’s actually very aware that she’s a big girl now, but I don’t say that.

Instead, I quickly try to think of something that I can do with Jacey, somewhere to invite her that would seem like a date. I want to drive home to Brand that Jacey isn’t his.

I smile as I get an idea. “I thought I’d take my car out to the track to blow off some steam. Would you like to come?”

Jacey looks intrigued. “To a race track? Sure, that might be fun. I’ll try anything once. But only if I can drive too.”

I roll my eyes. “As if you could handle it.” I’m pretending that Brand isn’t even here, but Jacey turns around to kiss him on the cheek again.

“Thank you again, big bro,” she tells him. I swear to god I can see him flinch at that. I fight back a smirk. “I’ll talk to you later.” She turns back to me. “I’ve just got to run to the restroom and then I’ll be ready.”

She darts into the house, leaving me with Brand. He stares at me, his gaze sharp and pointed and I sigh.

I knew this was going to happen at some point, and it might as well be now. I turn to him.

“Do you have a problem with me?” I ask him. I might as well just get it out there. Brand stares back at me, and Jesus, the guy is enormous. I don’t give a shit though. I’m not intimidated by anyone.

“Why do you ask?” Brand asks, his lip twitching in amusement. I don’t find anything funny.

“Because I can tell that you do,” I say calmly. “I can’t figure out why, since Jacey told me that you guys are just friends, that you’re a big brother to her.”

I hit a nerve there, but I meant to. Something passes over his face, but he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“I’ve known her for a long time,” he says instead. “And I watch her back. Keep that in mind, friend.”

“We’re not friends,” I point out, like the asshole that I am. “We only just met.”

Brand nods slowly. “True. But we’re not enemies either. Yet. I’d like to keep it that way. How about you?”

There’s not a threat in his voice, more like a promise. If I fuck with Jacey, I’ll be his enemy. I feel fairly confident that that isn’t a good thing to be.

“Noted.” I nod. “Let’s keep it that way.”

He stares at me for a minute before he walks away. He climbs into his truck and sits there, waiting for us to leave. It occurs to me that he doesn’t like the idea of leaving Jacey and I alone together. It’s a thought that makes me smirk again.

“What?” Jacey asks innocently as she emerges from her house and catches me grinning.

“Nothing,” I answer, as we walk to my car and I open her door. “Are you ready?”

She nods, tosses her purse on the floorboard and we drive away. Brand’s truck follows us for a while, and I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my neck, but the next time I look, he’s gone.

“So, how long have you been racing your car?” Jacey asks curiously.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Years. I like speed.”

“I know,” Jacey sighs. “Fast cars and fast women.”

I chuckle and rev the engine at the light. When the light turns green, I squeal my tires and take off from the line like a shot. When I glance over at Jacey, she’s relaxed in her seat, staring out the window.

“Nothing?” I ask her. “No reaction whatsoever?”

She giggles.

“Did you expect me to be terrified? Not gonna happen. I grew up with Gabe and Brand and they did some dumbass things with cars… usually when I was with them. I’m never scared… not if I trust who’s driving.”

I glance at her quickly before I look back at the road. “And you trust me? Silly girl.”

“I know.” She rolls her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

“Obviously,” I answer.

One of Sin’s songs comes on the radio, so I turn it up and we ride the rest of the way with Duncan’s steady drums thumping in our chests and Sin’s voice in our ears. It’s one of his slower songs, a dark love song, and when I glance over at Jacey she’s got her eyes closed and she’s moving her lips with the words.

My soul is black, black as night, but you love it anyway.

Your heart is cold, cold as ice, but it’s mine to take.

I’ll take it and crush it because that’s what I do,

And you’ll ask for more, because that’s you.

Something about the way the dark words move her tightens my chest. It’s like she understands what he’s saying because she’s been there. Only unlike the rest of us, she came out of it unscathed, still innocent… and to be honest, I envy her that.

As we arrive at the track and get out of the car, I mention the song to her.

“I’ve asked Sin a few times what this fucking song means. He always just shakes his head and tells me that if I don’t get it, I’ll never get it. He sees himself as a complex artist and music is his canvas.”

I meant it as a joking dig at my brother, but Jacey looks up at me in surprise.

“You don’t get that song? It’s easy, Dom. It’s about a coldhearted guy who uses people for what he wants—women, usually. He can’t feel anything. I guess I just thought Sin wrote the song about you.”

I stop in my tracks, staring at her. I can’t help it. “Do you think I’m coldhearted?”

I don’t know why I care, but I don’t like the thought.

But Jacey is already shaking her head. “No, I don’t. But I think you do. And I think that every day, you try to live up to your own idea of yourself. You’re not giving yourself enough credit and you sell yourself short on a daily basis.”

I feel my eyes widen and then I get a hold of myself, shaking my head and hiding my thoughts. “Whatever, Dr. Vincent. Maybe you should be a psychiatrist instead of a waitress.”

“Maybe I will.” She sniffs. “I’m pretty good at reading people. But whatever.” She turns around. “What do we do now? I’ve never been here before.”

“You’ve never been to the Autobahn?” Before my words are even out, Jacey is snorting.

“Dominic, my old car couldn’t even make it to work, let alone around a fancy country club racetrack.”

“Good point,” I mutter. “Thank god you have a new one now. We have to start out by signing in and grabbing a helmet and a tracksuit. Then they’ll look at my car really quick for an inspection and we’ll hit the track. There won’t be anyone else here because I’ve arranged for them to stay open late for us.”

Jacey nods and we set off for the clubhouse. Within fifteen minutes, we’re suited up and buckled in, waiting for a green flag.

“You do this a lot?” Jacey asks, her voice muffled a bit by her helmet.

I nod. “Whenever I’m in town. It’s a good stress reliever. To just come out here and open up the throttle? I can feel the stress melting away already.”

The green flag drops and I floor it.

My engine roars as I double-clutch shift, my foot vibrating with the power beneath it. Jacey is gripping her door, her eyes gleaming with excitement.

“How fast can we go?” she shouts.

“How fast do you want to go?” I answer, shifting into third.

We take off like a shot, weaving in and out of the curves of the road, hugging the asphalt like a second skin. Jacey laughs, her head thrown back against her headrest because of the speed.

“Faster,” she urges.

I oblige. There’s basically no one else out here, so we’ve got the track to ourselves. That makes it easier to open it up and just go.

Jacey is utterly unfazed by the speed, by the danger that speed represents… and honestly, that pleases the hell out of me. I don’t even know why. I just like that she’s so able to toss her cares away, enjoy the freedom speed brings… and trust me not to lose control.

It’s at least one area where her trust is not displaced. I very, very rarely lose control. Of anything.

She looks over at me, laughing. “I want to drive. Can I?”

I don’t give a moment’s thought to the fact that this car costs more than Jacey probably makes in several years as a waitress. I don’t even think about the fact that she’s never driven something so powerful. All I can think about is the fact that she wants to.

I pull over on the next straightaway. “You don’t have enough experience to take a curve, but you can drive this straightaway. You can totally open it up, if you want to. Just start to brake by that yellow sign, okay?”

She nods, we switch seats, and the tires are squealing almost before my seatbelt clicks.

I grin as we fly down the straightaway, because the girl has no fear.

Jacey shifts gears flawlessly, moving fluidly from one gear to the next like she’s been driving this way her whole life. As we pass the yellow sign, her speed flashes.

“One eighty!” she crows as we start to slow down.

We stop and she takes her helmet off, then tugs at mine.

She leans over and kisses me hard, the exhilaration of speed turning her on. I kiss her back, hard, because I know how that feels. I feel that way every single time I get behind the wheel here. When she finally pulls away, her eyes are shining.

“That was fucking awesome,” she announces. “Now I see what you love about it. Let’s do it again.”

I chuckle, but open my door. “We can’t. The club will be closing soon and we need to head back to the front. I’d better drive now, Andretti.” Jacey grumbles, but gives in.

As we drive back toward the club entrance, I glance over at her.

“So… about you and Brand.”

Jacey stares at me, her face closing up cautiously. “What about us?”

I steer around a curve fluidly before I continue. “You say that he’s like your brother. But it’s clear to anyone who watches you that he doesn’t feel the same. Not anymore. He probably did once upon a time, but you’ve grown up. And he’s fallen in love with you.”

Jacey swallows, then stares at the floor. And it’s completely evident that she knows.

“You knew,” I say simply, and ice floods my heart. I’d been holding out hope that she wasn’t coldhearted. “You knew and you’ve been using him, anyway.”

Her gaze snaps back up to mine, and her eyes are gleaming.

“No. It’s not like that. I haven’t wanted to believe that it’s true. But lately, I haven’t been able to ignore it. I know you’re right. But I don’t know what to do about it. I love him like my brother. He’s always been there for me, and I don’t want anything to change. And I don’t use him.”

Relief washes over me, but I try to ignore it.

“So you don’t feel the same way about him?” I ask carefully as I pull the car in front of the clubhouse.

Jacey sighs, staring into the night sky. “I wish I did. It would make things a lot easier. Brand would never hurt me. Not ever. He’d rather die. And that’s the kind of person that I need. Sometimes I feel like I should just be with him, that maybe I could grow into loving him like that. He’s definitely someone worthy of that kind of love. But then again, because he’s so worthy, he deserves more than I can give him.”

“I know that feeling,” I admit, and I’m startled when I say the words. Jacey stares at me, and her voice is hesitant.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I find myself liking you… more and more each day. I don’t want to, because I know what happens when you open yourself up to someone. You get hurt. Or you hurt them. The world is full of people hurting each other, Jacey. And I don’t want to do that. Not anymore.”

I don’t know why I brought our conversation to this dark and serious place. What happened to acting casual and normal? But truthfully, deep down, I think I just can’t stand the inevitability of it all.

I can’t stand pretending that everything is fine when I know that one day, very soon, everything is going to implode.

Right now, even I can hear the emptiness in my voice, and Jacey hears it too.

She stares at me. “Who hurt you, Dom?” she asks gently. “Was it Emma?”

Like always, her name forms a vise around my heart. I close my eyes, refusing to answer.

“I know Emma hurt you,” Jacey continues, refusing to back down. “I don’t know how. But I know she did. You’ve got to open up about it, Dominic. If you don’t, it will eat at you forever.”

I open my eyes and stare at her bleakly. “It will eat at me forever anyway.”

“So you’re just going to keep closed off to be safe, then?” Jacey asks, and she sounds sad and distant. “I know that whatever happened with Emma has defined who you are, from your sex life to your career. It’s why you keep to yourself, why you’re so distant. You want to protect yourself by never opening yourself up again. You shouldn’t do that, Dom. It’s not healthy. I know from experience. Do you want to know how I know?”

She stares at me, waiting, so I finally nod.

“Today’s my birthday, and neither of my parents bothered to call me. No card, no call, no gift, not even a ‘Hey, we brought you into the world on this day twenty-four years ago, so have a good day.’ They didn’t contact me at all. That’s why Gabe came here… because he knew they wouldn’t. And just like always, he wanted to protect me from that. But he can’t. Because even though he came and it was awesome, it doesn’t take away the fact that they didn’t even call. But even though they’re horrible parents and they hurt me all the time, I know that I can’t close myself off. That would only end up hurting me, Dom.”

I feel bad for her, because honestly, I can’t imagine what it must be like to have parents who don’t give a shit. And even though Gabe clearly doesn’t like me much, I’m glad that he’s such a rock for his sister. Even still, I don’t know what parallel Jacey is trying to draw.

“What does that have to do with me?” I ask woodenly. “What point are you trying to prove? Are you trying to show me that your parents fucked you up, but you’re trying to get past it? Because good for you.”

Jacey shakes her head.

“I want you to see what I learned… because you need to learn it too. It’s taken me a while to learn it, and honestly, I’m still trying to deal with it all. But even though our situations are different and we react to our situations in different ways, we’re dealing with the same kind of pain.”

She pauses, and I stare at her dubiously.

“It’s true, Dom. People have hurt us. But the lesson for us both is that people will hurt us in life, and we just have to get over it. We have to keep going and keep opening ourselves up to people. Will we get hurt again? Maybe so. But maybe we won’t. Maybe we’ll end up with something real.”

I don’t say anything, so Jacey continues.

“If something doesn’t change, you’re going to end up sad and alone, Dominic. I don’t want that for you. It doesn’t have to be this way, you know. There’s something between us… and I know you can feel it too. We have the opportunity for something real, Dom, even though we’re pretending that we don’t. We really do.”

A sharp rap on the window interrupts her, interrupting the moment at the same time. A worker hands me the clipboard to sign out, and I scrawl my name. I fire my engine back up and drive toward Chicago and try to ignore my pounding heart.

There can be no more pretending now. Jacey just confronted things head-on.

We’re quiet now. Awkward. Tense.

I can feel Jacey staring at me from time to time, waiting for me to react to what she said, but I don’t say anything and she doesn’t either. As I pull up to the curb, I make no motion to get out.


    Ваша оценка произведения:

Популярные книги за неделю