Текст книги "Back To Back"

Автор книги: Chelsea M. Cameron

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

Fourteen

 

Dad has papers scattered all over his desk when we walk in, including all the surveillance photos.

Sylas clears his throat and Dad looks up from the papers.

“I’m very sorry for attacking you. I lost it and I lashed out.” Dad nods.

“Apology accepted. I know how it feels to get to that place.” He looks at me and I know he’s talking about when he had his breakdown in here. Dad coughs again and then points down at his desk.

“This is it. Everything. You can look at it all you want, and verify it with Cash, but it’s all there.” Cash?

Sylas’ head snaps up at the mention of Cash.

“Cash knows about this?” Oh, shit. Here we go again.

“He’s the one who found the surveillance photos and told me.”

I hold my breath and wait for Sylas to fall apart again, but he just stares straight ahead for a moment and then back down at the papers. I guess he can only freak out so much today and he’s reached his quota. But I have the feeling a scene like the one upstairs is going to happen again soon, but with Cash on the other end. The only difference is that Cash is physically stronger than Sylas and has more training to fight off an attack.

I hold back as Sylas looks through everything, picking up the pictures and examining them, holding them close to his face. Trying to see if they’ve been faked. After he looks at them, he stacks them together and puts them on one side of the desk before going through the rest of the evidence.

I end up sitting on the chair and letting him have his space. I’m sure I’ll get my chance to look at all of it, but it’s Sylas’ right to see this first. Dad leans against one of the bookshelves, watching Sylas.

He’s completely focused, looking at each page, reading it and then adding it to the pile he’s already gone through. He finally finishes the last one and then straightens the pile and hands it back to Dad.

“I won’t believe it until I see him myself,” he says and I don’t blame him. If I thought someone was dead, and was told they weren’t, I’d want to make absolutely sure they were alive.

“I understand,” Dad says and I think he’s going to reiterate that he’s going to kill Andrew, but he doesn’t. Maybe seeing Sylas’ reaction has changed his mind. I mean, if anyone has the right to kill him, it should be Sylas. If that’s where they take this. There’s no doubt this is a man who deserves to die, but are they willing to cross that line?

“I know you loved my mother and you want to avenge her, but he’s mine to take care of. He’s my father. I watched him destroy my mother. I watched as he broke her spirit every day. No matter how much you love her, you can never have more of a right than I do,” Sylas says, his voice even and serious. I’m shocked at how calm he is now, given how he was freaking out less than an hour ago.

Dad opens his mouth to argue, but Sylas puts his hand up.

“You’re not going to change my mind. No matter what you say. I’m glad that you found him, but this is my job. My mess to take care of.” It’s not his mess. All of this was caused by one man. One stupid, horrible man.

I don’t know if killing his father is going to make Sylas feel better or worse. I don’t know if it will give him the peace he needs. But he needs the chance to find out. It’s not my choice to make, but his.

Dad and Sylas share a moment and I feel like an intruder. They stare at one another and something unsaid passes between them. Dad nods, picks up the stack of papers and hands them to Sylas.

“Thank you,” Sylas says, closing his eyes and exhaling. “Thank you.”

Sylas leaves the office, but I stay with Dad. I know Sylas is going to wait for me up in my room.

“Are you okay?” I ask him. I’ve been saying this a lot as well.

“No, I’m not. I just gave up on the woman I love.” He’s staring out the window again. I walk toward him and rest my head against his shoulder.

“You’re honoring her memory.” If killing the man who killed her can be called “honor.” I’m still not sure how I feel about it.

“Seeing his face brought everything back. How she slowly lost her beautiful light. He crushed it from her. Stomped her under his foot. He deserves so much more than death. So much more.” His voice shakes.

I brush my hand up and down his back.

“I know, but you can’t let this eat at you for the rest of your life. She’s not alive anymore, but you are. I’m here and I love you and then there’s Lizzy. Don’t forget about her. You’re going to love her and I’m sure she’s going to love you.” I need to make him focus on what he has, not what he’s lost.

He exhales through his nose.

“You’re right. You’re right.” He looks down at me. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately. So distant.”

“It’s okay,” I say, giving him another hug. “I love you, okay?” He puts his arms around me.

“I know. I love you, too.” He plants a kiss on the top of my head and then I tell him I’m going to go with Sylas. I have no idea what our next move is, but I have the feeling it’s going to involve a trip to Texas.

“I’ll let you know what’s going on,” I say, just before I close the door. He goes back to gazing at the garden.

Sylas is exactly where I thought he would be. In my room, on my bed. He’s going through the papers again. He doesn’t look up when I walk in and quietly close the door.

“What are you going to do now?” I ask. I'm not sure if he’s going to include me in his plans. I hope he does, so I don’t have to do it behind his back.

“Cash knew. He knew and he didn’t tell me,” he says, but he’s not angry. He’s surprised.

“When you were gone, I called him and asked if he’d seen you. He said that there was something he wanted to talk to you about. Maybe it was this.” He sets another page aside and meets my eyes.

“Maybe. Or maybe he was never going to tell me. Your father would go and find him and kill him and I’d never know. They say ignorance is bliss, but that’s bullshit.” Certain kinds of ignorance, I suppose.

“What are you going to say to Cash?” I ask. I’m picturing another scene with physical blows.

“I’m not going to hurt him. He’s stronger than I am, for one, and he fights dirty.” I breathe a little sigh of relief.

“That doesn’t mean he’s off the hook, though.”

“I imagine not.” I bite my lip and wonder what I should do. What my place is in all this. Wonder if I’m still a priority in the face of revenge.

“We should go,” he says, gathering up the pages and tucking them under his arm. We. He said we.

“Okay,” I say, and he gives me a tight smile before getting up from the bed and walking toward me.

“When we get back to your place, I’m going to need to fuck you. Hard. All night.” My body blazes with fire and need. I love it when he wants me like this. It’s primal and raw and it’s just as wonderful as when we go slowly.

“Okay,” I say, and my voice comes out as a squeak.

He wasn’t lying. The minute we get out of the car, he’s taking my hand and dragging me up the stairs to my place. He even takes the keys from me to open the door faster.

The papers tumble to the floor, scattering all around. He tackles me and before I know what’s happening, we’re fucking on top of the surveillance photos of his father. I try not to think about the symbolism as he drives so hard into me his hipbones leave bruises and I know I’m going to be raw in the morning. The little spark of pain adds another dimension to the sex and I hold onto him so he won’t fuck me across the floor. When he finally comes, he pulls out and does it on my stomach. He’s never done that before and I wonder why, but I don’t ask. His eyes are wild and he’s breathing hard. He lies on his back for a moment and then gets and comes back with a towel to clean me off. I slowly get up and peel the papers off my back.

“Bedroom?” he says, and I nod. The next second I’m in his arms and he’s carrying me, holding me much more gently. He lays me down in bed and then joins me. I turn on my side to face him. He’s looking at my body, his eyes tracing my neck and shoulders, my stomach and hips and toes.

“Are you going to kill him?” I ask in a hushed voice. His eyes flick up to meet mine.

“I want to. More than anything. It’s what I always wanted. I was always jealous of the person who sunk a shiv into him in the prison yard. Come to find out that never happened and now I get to be the person to do it.” He reaches out and twirls a few strands of hair between his fingers.

That didn’t answer my question.

“I keep trying to think what she would want. What she would say if I asked her,” he says.

“And?”

“I don’t know, Saige. I really don’t know.” The storm has passed for the moment, but I’m only waiting. The clouds will come around again.

“You don’t have to decide right this second,” I say, tracing one of the birds on his stomach.

“But I have to decide soon. He’s not going to stay in one place.” Probably not.

“But Cash has already found him, so it’s just a matter of tracking him now.”

“I suppose.” He flops on his back and looks up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know what to fucking do. I have so much going on in my brain. It feels like it’s going to explode,” he says. I turn over and then lay myself across his chest.

“You can talk to me, you know. About anything.” His arm goes around me and starts drawing random patterns on my back.

“I know. I really want to thank you for today. I know I scared you and I'm sorry about that. I really regret putting my hands on your father. I’ve just never felt so out of control in my life.”

“You don’t have to thank me. This is what people do who love each other. They support one another.” It’s about time he had someone to be his rock. His light in the darkness. I’m more than happy to fill that role.

“Every day I remind myself I don’t deserve you, Saige Juliette Beaumont. I don’t deserve you, Redhead.”

I kiss his chest.

“It doesn’t matter if you do. You’ve got me.” He chuckles.

I expected him to jump right up and charge after his father, leaving me in the dust. But he fucks me several more times instead and then falls asleep. I think he’s exhausted, both physically and mentally.

And I still don’t think he knows what he’s going to do. I like that he’s stopping to consider what his mother would want. I know she’d like that, if she were here. I’m not sure if I believe in heaven or not, but I’m sure if she could have stuck around, she would have. For both her children.

Lizzy. It’s good that she’s not involved in this.

I fall asleep after Sylas and only wake when he gets up.

“Where are you going?” I say, reaching out to grab him.

“Bathroom,” he says, leaning down to kiss my forehead. “Be right back.”

My eyes fly open and I panic, thinking maybe he’s tricking me and he’s going to leave. But then I hear the water run and he’s back in the room, lying down next to me and pulling me against his chest again.

I close my eyes and let myself fade back into sleep.

Fifteen

 

My alarm rings far too early. Far, far too early. I completely forgot that it is Monday and I have to go to class and study and be a college student.

Sylas is still asleep and I watch him for a moment. His face is free off worry and I like that. I thought he might start having nightmares like I do, but he’s out like a rock.

I head to the shower, wincing as I walk. I definitely have marks from our activities last night, including a few on my collarbone and neck from Sylas’ mouth. I can’t remember the last time I had to cover a hickey. I must have been in high school.

After my shower, I go grab some coffee and then get dressed. Sylas is still asleep and I don’t want to wake him. I wait until the last possible moment before I touch his shoulder. His eyes open slowly and he seems confused for a few seconds until he looks up and sees my face.

“Hey,” I say. “I have to get to class.” I really don’t want to leave him, but I can’t miss any classes right now. Finals are next week and we’re doing reviews and study guides.

“It’s okay,” he says, stretching. He’s still naked and all I want to do is climb back into bed with him and spend the whole day having sex.

“What are you going to do today?” I ask, trying to be casual about asking.

He rubs his eyes and sits up. Despite sleeping so hard, he still has dark circles under his eyes.

“I’m not leaving today. I need to talk to Cash and I need to just… figure out what I’m going to do.” I sit on the bed again and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Will you promise me one thing?” I ask.

“That depends on what it is,” he says. He probably knows what I’m going to ask, but I’m going to say it anyway.

“Don’t leave without me. If you’re going, I’m going with you. And if you leave and don’t tell me, I’m going to come and I’m going to find you anyway. You know I can.” I grab his face and hold it, hard.

“Don’t fucking leave me, Sylas Carter. Don’t you dare. If you do, I won’t be here for you when you get back. Do you understand?” I need him to know how important this is. That we go together.

I loosen my hold and he nods once.

“I promise,” he says.

“Good,” I say, leaning down to give him a kiss goodbye. “I love you. So much.” He stares into my eyes and then smiles slowly.

“I love you, Saige Beaumont.” I walk out and take one look back at him. He promised me he wouldn’t go, but a tiny cynical part of my brain keeps telling me he’s not going to be here when I get back.

I’m off and distracted the whole day. Normally I’m able to put everything aside for school, but today it’s just not happening. I’m scattered and flustered and I just want to go home.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t text him a few times, just to check in. During a break between classes, I call Dad.

“How are you doing today?” I ask. I’m not going to specifically mention his injured throat. I’m still shocked he didn’t call the police, or attack Sylas back.

“I’m fine,” he says, and he sounds like he’s got strep throat.

“Are you sure?” I say. This change of roles is still new to me. I’m used to my father being the solid one. The stable one who reins in my chaos.

“Yes, Saige. I’m fine. A little battered, but none the worse for wear.” He laughs and I’m shocked. He seems totally cavalier. I just can’t believe he would give up on his goal so easily.

My life is filled with confusing men who won’t let me into their heads.

“Okay, well, I just wanted to check on you to see how things were going.” I hear him say something to someone else. “Dad?”

“Sorry, I’m just busy. I’ll talk to you later?” He’s definitely distracted.

“Sure, fine.” I want to scream, but I don’t have the energy to fight.

“I love you, ladybug,” he says, using the stupid nickname he gave me when I was three.

“Love you too, Dad.” I hang up and can’t help the unease that creeps through me. I always trust my intuition. Always.

I rush home as soon as I can and drop my keys as I struggle to shove them in my door. But then the door opens and there he is. My Sylas.

“Oh my God, you’re here,” I say, nearly collapsing in relief.

“Of course I am,” he says, holding his arms open. “I promised.”

I stumble into his embrace and want to cry.

“I didn’t trust that you were telling me the truth,” I say into his chest.

“I know. And that’s why I stayed. I want you to trust me, Saige. We can only move forward when we build trust.” I have a déjà vu moment because I’m pretty sure I’ve said the same thing.

“I was so scared you were going to leave,” I whisper. He rubs my back with both hands. He’s so solid and warm and here. He’s here with me.

He didn’t leave me.

“It’s okay, Redhead. I stayed for you.” Now that makes me want to cry, but I choke it down. I really need to stop getting so emotional about things. I never used to be. I kept my emotions in check, locked away. I trained myself not to feel things as deeply as other people. To close myself off and just observe.

It wasn’t living. My life was happening around me, not to me. Passivity versus activity. Now, with Sylas, I’m all in. Each and every moment with him is like a little pearl and I’ve started saving them, stringing a necklace of memories I’ll be able to keep forever.

My Sylas.

“I want to go to bed with you, but I have to study,” I say, not even worrying about how whiny I sound.

“It’s okay. I’ve got things to do.” His eyes get shifty and that worries me.

“What kind of things?” I ask. He’s withdrawing again, getting lost in his head. I know he’s got a lot to think about, but I wish he would share some of it with me.

“I have to go after him, Saige,” he says. “I can’t let him get away. Not this time. He’s been running long enough.” He promised me this morning he wouldn’t go without me, but I can’t leave right now. I can’t miss finals, not even for him.

“I understand,” I say. “But you promised.”

He closes his eyes and when he opens them, he’s not looking at me.

“I have to go, Saige.” What the hell about this morning? Was he just saying that to make me happy? Why didn’t he leave already?

“Then why are you still here?” I ask. He steps away from me. “You made me a promise this morning and you’re already going back on it. If we’re trying to build trust, this isn’t the way to do it.”

Will we ever trust one another? Is that even possible for the two of us?

“It’s not that simple, Saige! You don’t understand!” His rage is surging to the surface again.

“I know! But you can’t do this alone.” He storms back into the bedroom and I follow him. There’s a bag on the bed, already packed.

“No, I can do this alone, Saige. You don’t want me to. Those are two different things.” I want to slap him. I want to hurt him. I want to throw him out. I want to make him stay.

“I’ve taken care of my family on my own for six years. This is all I know. I love you, but I can’t bring you into this. Don’t you get that? I don’t want you near him. You’re the only good thing in my life that isn’t tainted by him. I just want to keep you safe, Saige. Can’t you fucking understand that?” I freeze, totally stunned. His reasons are not what I thought they were. If he’s being honest with me.

“Look at me, Sylas.” He’s been staring at the suitcase for a while, as if he can’t bear to look me in the eye. But at the sound of my voice, he slowly looks up. There it is. The pain. The absolute, soul-crushing pain that steals my breath.

“I don’t want you to see me like that,” he says, his voice nothing more than a whisper. “I don’t want you to know that part of me.” I take four steps until I’m standing so close to him, we’re almost touching, but not quite.

“I want to know all the parts of you, Sylas. I love them already. We both have darkness in our lives. We’re not like regular people, and that’s something we’re going to have to deal with. It’s going to take work, you and me. But if you’ll take me as I come, I’ll do the same for you.” I reach up and stroke the side of his face. He hasn’t shaved again, and I wonder if it’s because he knows I like it that way.

One single tear rolls down his cheek and I brush it away with my hand.

“Don’t hide from me,” I say.

“I have to go, Saige. I have to go.” He closes his eyes and backs up, reaching for the bag.

“I’m not going to beg you to stay. But know that you’re hurting me right now, Sylas. Not because you’re going, but because you lied to me.” Without a word, he puts the strap of the bag on his shoulder and walks out of the room.

I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to chase after him. He’s made his choice and he’s going to have to live with it. I ignore the few tears that slip down my face and I flinch when the door closes. Leo climbs out from under the bed, as if he was hiding from the tension. He rubs against my legs and looks up at me with a mournful meow.

“I know,” I say and walk into the kitchen to get him some food.

It’s good that I have so much studying to do, because it gives me an activity other than wallowing in bed with ice cream and too many romantic movies. I briefly consider calling Lo and telling her Sylas has left me, but it would be too much work to come up with a good story. She’s bound to ask a lot of questions and I don’t have the energy or desire to lie.

Sylas sends me one text that he’s on a plane and he’ll let me know when he lands. I send back two letters “o” and “k.”

I wonder what he’s thinking about. If he’s conflicted at all. If he misses me. He’s barely been gone for a few hours and the apartment is too quiet. Too empty. Leo won’t leave me alone, and I think it’s because he knows. I’ve never really been a cat person, but he’s growing on me.

I’m knee-deep in writing a paper when my phone rings and I nearly fall out of my chair trying to grab and answer it.

“Hello?”

“Saige Beaumont,” Cash says, his normal chipper self. I wonder if he’s ever sad. If he’s ever not so upbeat.

“What do you want?” My fuse is beyond short tonight.

“I just wanted to let you know I’m with him. We just arrived in Texas and he’s just getting a rental car.” So he took Cash with him, but not me. Cash, who hid the fact his father is alive from him.

“Okay,” I say.

“I wanted to tell him, but I knew that if I did, this is where we’d end up. I’m not going to talk him out of it, because I’d rather not end up in the hospital. I might be stronger than he is, but he fights dirtier. And I know where his head is at. I understand it.”

Cash’s story is a sad one, even more tragic than Sylas’.

“He promised me he wouldn’t go without me. And then broke that promise a few hours later.” I know I sound like a jealous girlfriend, but I don’t care. I’m pissed at him for lying to me. For making me think I could trust him.

“I’m sorry, Saige, but you know why he has to do this, right? He thinks he can’t move on with you until he gets this part of his past behind him.”

“I know, I know,” I say, and I’m fighting a losing battle.

“Okay, he’s coming back so I’m going to go. I’ll keep you updated.” The call ends before I can say anything else.

I look down at my phone and I want to smash it on the floor. But then I’d still be pissed and I’d have a broken phone.

I lay my head down on top of my laptop. I want to sleep. I want to sleep for a week. I give myself one moment of wallowing before I sit up and go back to my paper.

Four cups of coffee and several thousand words later, I’m done with my paper. I move on to my study guides and check the clock. It’s nearly three in the morning. I might as well stay up all night at this rate. The caffeine in my system isn’t going to let me sleep, anyway. I power through and just before it’s time for me to get up, I get another text from Sylas.

Miss you.

That’s it? That’s all I get?

Are you safe? I send back.

Yes. Will call you later.

I let out a scream and Leo bolts through the house. I set my phone down and go to take a shower to get myself ready for the day.

I could follow him. I could book a plane ticket right now and leave. I could send my professors emails and say I have a family emergency and go to him. I could.

Chewing on my lip, I turn on the hot water as Leo comes into the bathroom to sit on the sink to watch. I thought cats hated water, but he’s obsessed with the shower.

So distracted, I realize I’ve put my body wash on my hair instead of conditioner. I rinse it out and try to get my shit together. I’m going to have to rush to get to campus, but there’s nothing I can do about it now, although that caffeine drip would really be a blessing right now.

There are no messages from Sylas on my phone, and I’m going with the statement that “no news is good news.”

I arrive on campus with still-wet hair and a gloomy mood. I struggle through my classwork and end up falling asleep on my desk in both my afternoon classes. Fortunately I’m not the only one, what with everyone pulling all-nighters studying. My professors take it with a grain of salt and I mumble apologies.

Still no word from Sylas when I get home and I’m about ready to lose my mind. I fire up my laptop and start looking at plane tickets. Just to see. They’re not cheap, but there’s a flight leaving in three hours. I could totally make it if I drove to the airport now.

Leo hops up on my lap and meows, rubbing his head against my chest.

“I know, I know. I wish I were a cat. Life would be so much easier. I’d only have to worry about food and water and sleeping sixteen hours a day.” He blinks sleepily up at me.

“What should I do?” He starts kneading my skin and I yelp.

My phone goes off and I grab it.

“Hello? Sylas?”

“Saige?” It’s Cash and he’s sounding… panicked. I’ve never heard Cash so panicked, so it must be bad.

“What’s wrong?” A million and one things tumble through my brain, including the possibility that Sylas is dead. He can’t be dead, he can’t be dead, he can’t be dead. A wave of nausea overtakes me.

“He’s not doing very well.” He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive. My Sylas is alive.

“What the fuck does that mean, Cash?” I nearly scream. My hands are shaking so badly I can barely hold the phone up to my ear. It’s a good thing I’m sitting down.

“He’s catatonic. I can’t get him to move or speak. He’s completely withdrawn and short of taking him to a hospital, which might cause them to lock him up in a psych ward, I don’t know what to do.”

“Can you put me on speaker?” I say.

“Sure. Okay, go ahead.”

“Sylas?” I say, hoping my voice can do something. “Sylas, are you listening to me?” I hear what sounds like a whimpering.

“It’s Saige, Sylas. She’s on the phone,” Cash says.

“Sylas?” I say.

“He’s not doing anything. I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get him on a plane like this.” Fuck.

“Where are you?” I ask and he gives me the name of a hotel in Dallas. I quickly type it into my laptop and figure out how far it is from the airport. Only fifteen minutes. The earliest I could get there would be two in the morning. Ideally, I’d get there, help Sylas, get him on a plane and be back in time for class tomorrow.

I haven’t had more than a nap in the last day, but here I am, buying a plane ticket.

“I’ll be there in a few hours,” I say.

“You’re coming here?” Cash says.

“Well, what else am I supposed to do?” He swears a string of curses that would make a sailor proud.

“I knew this was a bad fucking idea. I knew it. Mother fucking cocksucking fucker.”

“Cash?” I need to get his attention. I’m up and running around my apartment, throwing clothes and a toothbrush into a bag. I pour a mound of food into Leo’s bowl and dump a bunch of water in another bowl. He’ll be fine.

“I’m on my way,” I say.

“Okay. Let me know when you get here.”

I end the call and then I’m out the door.