Текст книги "Untangle Me"

Автор книги: Chelle Bliss

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

Change of Plans

Fall was in full swing and I was excited for Halloween and all things fall. I was decorating the library for the students. There wasn’t really a fall in Florida, the leaves didn’t change and the air didn’t cool until well after Thanksgiving. I climbed off the ladder as I heard my phone chirp.

Kayden: I’ve been told to stop working... I just got a call from the main office.

Me: What? Why?

Kayden: They said there was an issue with my drug test or background check, I didn’t really understand. It’s bullshit. Let me call some of the guys and see what’s up. BRB.

Nothing had changed since his employment with the company began. His past was finally coming back to haunt him even though it had been a year and a half since the incident with his ex-girlfriend, Lisa. There had to be some mistake or a mix-up with the paperwork.

Kayden: Okay… five other people pulled off the job too. Headquarters came in, did an audit, and found an error in my file. I’m fucked, Sophia. I was told they’re cracking down on background. I may not have a job anymore. Fuck.

Me: There must be a mistake. They’ll straighten it out. Don’t panic yet.

I wanted to puke; I became ill with the thought of his world unraveling.

Kayden: I don’t know what I’ll do without work. I need to make some more calls and grab dinner. I’ll call you when I get home, okay?

Me: Yes, love. Take your time.

Sitting on my bed, I chewed my nails, staring at the wall.

What the fuck is he going to do? Where would he go? He lived in company housing after all, would they kick him out?

The thoughts swirling through my mind only heightened my anxiety. I needed to release some stress and decided to go for a run.

Kayden called me hours later.

“Hey,” I said answering the phone.

“Hi, baby doll. I’m making dinner and talking to the guys.” I could hear a chopping noise in the background and loud male voices. “I’ll text you around nine to Skype. We’re talking about work, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Is that okay?”

I wrinkled my nose annoyed that I was being brushed off. “Yes, don’t forget about me.”

“Babe, how could I ever forget about you? We’re just having a couple drinks and bullshitting. I’ll text, promise.”

“I love you, Kayden,” I said, wishing I could touch him in this moment.

“I love you, too, baby doll. Talk in a bit.” The line went dead.

I tried to keep myself busy reading books and watching television, but nothing took my mind off the Kayden. He hasn’t sent me a message in hours. I flipped my phone in my hand, debating on sending him a text first, but I couldn’t resist any longer.

Me: Hey it’s almost nine. Are we going to Skype tonight, lover?

Nothing. What the fuck? Kayden has never ignored me. I texted him again, pacing around the room panicking. Silence.

Maybe his cell phone battery died. I sent him a message to his tablet; I called his phone, letting it ring over ten times since he didn’t have voicemail. No answer. My heart sank. What happened to him? We hadn’t missed an evening since we met. He never disappeared. I felt lost and helpless with the distance between us.

My anger started to grow and I needed to calm my nerves. Where was he? Who was he with? I couldn’t let my mind wander and question his faithfulness. Why did I have to be so insecure when it came to Kayden?

I mixed some vodka with whatever else I could find in the fridge, anything to make it slide down easier. I’ve never been a drinker, but I need the edge dulled. I swigged a mouthful of the fruity concoction, closing my eyes, and swallowed. The liquid slid down my throat, warming my body from the inside.

“Hey.” I jumped, startled by Suzy’s voice.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me,” I said, almost choking on my drink.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Kayden… He may have lost his job,” I said taking another sip of my drink. “We were supposed to Skype tonight, but he’s disappeared.”

“Wait. What? He lost his job?”

“I just don’t know anything right now. I can’t get in touch with him. I’m going crazy, Suzy.” Suzy sat at the counter and watched me. “He was talking with the guys and making dinner last time I heard from him. That was over three hours ago.”

“I’m sure he’ll call you, Sophia. Kayden adores you, don’t freak out… yet.” She tried to console me.

Her words didn’t help, only making my anger grow. Kayden knew how important seeing him every night had become to me, didn’t he? I’ve slept with my webcam on for over a month, always able to roll over and see him or talk to him… not tonight. I felt unimportant.

Kayden and I had sent songs to express our feelings to each other throughout our relationship. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me tonight. I selected a song that I knew would be a punch to his gut. I sent him the link to ‘Never There’ by Cake. It’s a brutal song, but conveyed my feelings at the moment perfectly. Let him choke on it for a bit. I hit send.

“Fuck it. I’m going to bed, Suzy.” I couldn’t tell Suzy what I just sent to Kayden. I already regretted it.

“Okay, but he’ll call, it’ll all work out,” she said with sadness in her eyes.

“I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks, Suzy.” I walked towards my room staring at my phone, wishing I could cancel my last message.

I crawled into bed, cocooning myself in the blankets, shutting the world out. My eyes grew heavy from the never ending tears.

I tossed and turned all night, unable to stop my mind from thinking the worst. I checked my phone over a dozen times, but Kayden never replied. I must have drifted off at some point, because the next thing I knew ten a.m. displayed on the clock.

I forced myself to get up; I needed caffeine. I felt numb and my mind hazy. I heard my phone chirp from the kitchen. I turned my attention away from the brewing pot to the hallway. I wanted to run to see if it was Kayden, but I didn’t want to seem too eager. He’s turned me into a crazy person in a short time. I’ve never acted like this before with anyone. I walked slowly to my room and grabbed my phone unable to resist the urge to talk to him any longer.

Kayden: Morning, beautiful. Sorry I fell asleep last night.

How should I respond to him? I didn’t know what to say, or how to deal with someone like him.

Kayden: WTF with the song, babe?

I swallowed hard because I knew it was a scathing song. I knew it would hurt him. When I sent it, I didn’t give a fuck.

Me: It fit how I felt last night. I’m sorry.

Kayden: It’s mean… It starts out sweet, but it was like a slap in the face.

I felt like a total piece of shit. He had a shitty day and I was being a bitch.

Me: You didn’t just fall asleep last night, Kayden.

Kayden: I know. We were talking and drinking and I came in my room to call you, but I must have passed out or fallen asleep.

Me: Why didn’t you call this morning instead of text? Have a hangover?

I knew my remark sounded snide, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to be the one he turned to, he leaned on.

Kayden: A bit. Let me get up and get myself straight and I’ll call you in a bit.

Me: Fine, but don’t forget about me this time.

Kayden: I could NEVER forget about you.

I already felt left behind, forgotten.

Me: Felt like it last night.

Kayden: I’m sorry, Sophia. I’ll make it up to you.

Me: Call me in a bit, I’m going to have some coffee and I have things to do.

Kayden: Ok, baby doll. I’ll talk to you in a bit.

I wanted to throw my phone or slap him in the face. The anger inside me hadn’t subsided from last night.

Me: Ok. I’ll be around.

Kayden: I love you.

I knew he loved me, but I didn’t feel important anymore. He always made me feel like I was the center of his universe, a vital part of his day, but that feeling had vanished.

Me: Love you too.

I dressed, grabbing my coffee and headed for the door. I wanted to keep myself busy today. It was a Saturday and I hoped that Kayden and I would spend much of the day Skyping. He never had a day off when we’re apart and I wanted to take advantage of every minute available. I wanted to get my errands done quickly to free up my afternoon for him.

My phone rang a couple hours later on the way to my last stop. Kayden’s name appeared on my screen and my heart thumped in my chest like it always did when seeing his name. He hadn’t forgotten about me.

“Heyyyy,” he said.

“Hi. Whatcha been doing?” I asked.

“Listening to this fucking song,” he slurred.

Fuck, was he drunk? My heart sank.

“Have you been drinking already?”

“A bit, but I can’t stop listening to this song. It’s so fucking mean, Sophia.”

“Jesus, really? How much have you had already?”

“Enough.” I heard ‘Never There’ in the background.

“Fucking amazing. I can’t believe you are drinking this early, Kayden.” I closed my eyes, a sense of doom filled me. “Call me back when you get sober.” I clicked off the phone.

It’s morning, but he had already drank enough for it to affect him. Is this how he handled a crisis? What more didn’t I know about Kayden—drinking alone and drinking heavily? He disappeared again, I assumed he passed out. I finished my errands and returned home.

Throughout the day sporadic text messages popped up on my phone from Kayden, none of them making sense. He never stuck around long enough to hold a conversation, although I doubt he had the ability to form a coherent thought.

“Hey.” Suzy knocked on my bedroom door.

“Come in, Suzy.”

“Let’s go. Get ready; the girls will be here in an hour. We’re all going out.” Suzy stated firmly.

“I don’t feel like it, Suzy.” I shook my head.

“You’re not sitting here all night waiting for him. Up, come on.” She pulled my arm to get me moving.

I thought about it for a moment. I didn’t want to sit home and worry about him; he didn’t seem to worry about me. Suzy was right, I needed to get out and enjoy some time with my girls.

“Okay. I’ll get ready,” I said, climbing off my bed to riffle through my closet.

Kayden had a bottle of booze to keep him company; I have my girlfriends to fill the void cause by his total absence. I’ll be damned if I stay home sitting by the phone waiting for his call.

The pattern continued for days, as we fought. When I would convince him to talk on the phone his speech was slurred and his words confusing. He rarely made sense, and I missed the man I had known before—the one that would make me shriek like a schoolgirl, the one that would talk to me until I fell asleep, and looked at me like I was the only girl in the world. Now I could barely hold a conversation with him. He denied his drunken stupor with stories about why he would disappear. I knew now what happened.

After a week of him drinking and disappearing, I scheduled an immediate impromptu flight to New Orleans on Friday after work. I needed to be with him, and he needed to be with me. I had always told myself I would never get involved with anyone that was an addict. I’d always steered clear of drugs during my life, but alcohol was everywhere. Could he control himself, or was he an alcoholic? I wanted to think that if he was, I had the ability to save him. I wanted to be the good in his life that made him want to change. I needed to talk with him and find out exactly what was happening. I loved Kayden, and I was in too deep to turn my back on him.

When the plane touched down, I found a cab driver willing to take me to his apartment. I was so nervous and hadn’t talked to Kayden since yesterday. I stared out the window and rubbed my sweaty palms together. Was I crazy to show up unannounced? I had to know he was ok. I had to see it for myself. I texted Kayden a few times during the drive, but received no response. The taxi pulled into the parking lot where it all began. Our first kiss and all the happiness and joy that I felt we would have together.

I walked to the door hoping someone would be home to let me in. I knocked on the door, and heard voices in murmured tones and laughing. I waited a moment before knocking again. It opened slowly and one of his roommates stood behind it.

“Oh… hey Sophia. What are you doing here?” Tom said as he began to close the door a little bit so I couldn’t see the entire living room.

“I need to see Kayden,” I started to push against the door.

“He’s not here,” he said as he began to push back.

“I know he is, jerk, just move out of my way,” I said as I pushed the door open. His truck’s in the parking lot, I just had to get to him.

His roommate moved away after I pushed him into the wall behind the door. I walked through the apartment with all the men looking at me strangely. They all said hey to me, but were on edge. I felt their eyes on my back as I reached the door, but none of them tried to stop me. I thought about knocking, but wanted to surprise him. I slowly turned the handle to make it as quiet as possible. I walked through the doorway and stopped dead in my tracks.

What the fuck? Kayden was lying in bed, but he wasn’t alone… there’s a girl in the bed with him. Neither of them woke, and the guys were whisper quiet expecting to hear yelling.

I stood there for a moment and just stared. I recognized her from his postings on Facebook, but he said they were only friends. She must have been one of his girls before I became his only girl.

I couldn’t see his face, his back to me. His shaved head and tattoos decorating his back were a dead giveaway. Her body smashed against his with her arm draped over his body. I could see she had a tiny tank top, but their lower bodies were covered by blankets except for their bare feet, tangled together.

I didn’t make a sound… stunned and heartbroken. The sight in front of me squeezed my heart, crushing it. I had worried about him, flying to be by his side, but he found solace in the arms of another. I walked backwards and closed the door to rid my eyes of the vision of Kayden and her.

The guys tried to stop me and explain, but what could they say? I didn’t want to hear it. I walked out and not looking back. Tears began to fall as I let myself feel the pain of his betrayal.

Keep walking, just keep walking. My mind was a jumble of emotions and numbness. I walked to the main street and hailed a cab.

“Where to?” the cab driver asked.

I fought through the tears to steady my voice, “Bourbon Street, please.”

“You ok, lady?”

“I will be,” I responded. I didn’t know where else to go. I needed a drink and wanted to forget that horrible image that was burned in my eyes.

I had enough time on the drive to try and regain my composure, fix my makeup, and gather my thoughts.

“Can you drop me at the Funky Pirate, please?” I requested.

The streets were filled with people stumbling and celebrating, the nightly party thrived. I needed the excitement and liquor to make me forget. I climbed out of the cab and grabbing my small overnight bag. I didn’t bring much with me, thinking Kayden and I would spend the weekend in bed.

What a fool. I found an empty seat at the bar; the space was filled with happiness. A blues band played and people were singing along, enjoying the funky music filling the air.

“A shot of vodka, please, and a chocolate martini,” I said to the female bartender. She placed the martini in front of me moments later. I stared at it for a moment before taking a large gulp. I swallowed it, slamming the glass back on the counter.

“Another martini, please,” I said to the bartender before she could walk away. Tears began to stream down my face. She placed the small glass filled with the vodka in front of me, but before her hands were totally free of the glass, I grabbed it. I downed it, feeling the warmth ooze throughout my body.

I felt the presence of someone standing beside me. I set the glass on the bar top before turning my head. A handsome man dressed in business attire watched me intently, studying my face.

“Can I help you?” I asked in a snotty voice.

“May I?” he asked, pointing to the stool next to me.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s free, isn’t it?”

“A pretty lady shouldn’t be drinking alone in this town,” he said sitting down, and calling over the waitress.

“Another for each of us,” he said.

“I’ll take another martini with the shot please,” I told her. I needed the alcohol, and a lot of it. I didn’t care about anything, but forgetting the entire night.

“What’s wrong? Maybe I can help,” he inquired.

“You can’t help,” I replied while staring at the bartender hoping her feet would move faster.

He touched my hand, but I didn’t move away from his touch. “Maybe I can.”

“It will take a lot more liquor to accomplish that task,” I said as I wiped a tear away from my cheek.

“What happened?”

“You don’t want to hear my sad story.”

“Yes, I do. Tell me, maybe I can help you,” he said.

I stared into his eyes, studying him.

“I flew here to surprise my boyfriend, but when I got to his place, he was in bed with another woman.” Downing the drink and setting the glass on the bar top.

“That’s horrible. How could he cheat on an amazing creature such as you?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes, he’s done this before. I didn’t give a shit in this moment. I needed to share my story, let out my anger. “I guess I wasn’t enough for him. I should have known he was a whore and wouldn’t change his ways. I’m a fucking fool.” The tears began to stream down my face once again. I grabbed the martini and gulped it. The liquor warmed my body, my legs grew numb, and my mind became a jumbled mess.

He reached for my cheek and wiping away a tear with his thumb. “He’s the fool. I would love for a woman to fly to see me, someone that loved me enough to travel a great distance for my company.”

I leaned into his palm—needing the physical connection. I closed my eyes; images of Kayden flooded the darkness. We spent time in this bar—kissing, touching, laughing, and drinking.

“Another drink?” he asked.

My eyes flew open and the happy memories evaporated. I reached into my purse and looking at my phone. I missed a dozen phone calls and more texts from Kayden. I turned it off, putting it back in my purse.

The handsome gentleman kept the drinks flowing, and numbness was filling my entire body and soul. Everything around me moved in slow motion. Staring in the mirror behind the bar, I tried bringing my face into focus, but I couldn’t make out any features.

A hand covered mine to bring my attention back to my surroundings.

I turned to the gentleman and pleaded, “Kiss me, make me forget.”

He turned my chair towards him, placing his hand on my neck. He paused for a moment, staring into my eyes—I didn’t speak.

His lips touched mine, hard and wet. I thought it would help me forget, but my mind played a private movie of Kayden and his kiss. I craved him. He intoxicated me… this kiss made me feel nothing but an emptiness that couldn’t be filled. This is wrong.

“What the fuck are you doing?” a man screamed.

The body of the stranger lurched away from mine, my eyes flying open. I tried to focus, but just keeping them open was a struggle. The handsome gentleman was falling to floor and someone was moving on top of him. He looked like Kayden, but I had to be seeing things.

He was being pummeled, and I couldn’t do anything but watch. My head felt heavy as I placed my head on the bar, trying to stop the room from spinning. Darkness consumed me.

Misunderstandings

Someone was shaking me, trying to wake me. “Dude, get the fuck up.”

My stomach turned with the motion, the liquor sloshing around in my stomach. “Leave me the fuck alone, go away, ass,” I said.

“Fucker, Sophia was just here… She ran out.” Sophia. My heart pounded in my chest increasing the feeling of nausea that overcame my body. Someone’s body was wrapped around mine, and it wasn’t Sophia. “What the fuck?” I said sitting up quickly, throwing her legs off of mine.

“What the fuck are you doing here and in my bed?” I asked her.

“John called me; he thought you needed to talk to someone. You were passed out when I got here and I thought I would sleep until you woke up,” she said.

I felt like my world was ending. Everything unraveled while I laid here passed out. “Are you fucking crazy? That’s not okay. You can’t just crawl in my bed… ever. Fuck.”

“Where’s Sophia?” I asked, panic lacing my voice. I called her phone, but there was no answer. She wouldn’t pick up the phone; I learned that once about Sophia. I needed to find her. New Orleans was the type of city that could swallow a girl like her.

“I don’t know. I saw her jump in a cab,” John said.

“Which cab? Maybe I can find out where they took her,” I said.

I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes. A man had his lips on Sophia, my Sophia. My body moved on its own, unable to stop myself. I grabbed the man, throwing him to the floor. My fist connected with his face, crunching the bones. Blood splattered on my hand and arms as I wailed on him, unable to stop.

I didn’t look at Sophia as I beat this asshole to a pulp—I needed to destroy him as he had destroyed me, taking what was mine. Hands wrapped around me, pulling me off of him, but my arms continued to swing.

The man wiped the blood away from his face as he began to stand. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“What the fuck, asshole? You’re kissing my girlfriend with your hands all over her, and you’re asking me what the fuck,” I said, ready to beat him again.

“She asked me to,” he said with a smirk on his face, wiping the last bit on blood with the back of his hand.

“Just leave, take the girl and get out of here,” the worker said.

I walked over to Sophia, her head resting on the bar. I scooped her into my arms as her head fell back, mouth falling open. She looked a wreck, and I’d been the sole cause. I carried her to the car and brought her home, to my bed.

Tom had woken me after Sophia ran from the apartment. Sarah was wrapped around me, but I never knew she was there. She showed up to check on me and ended up crawling in bed with. Sophia had seen her in my bed, wrapped around me. I didn’t sleep with Sarah, but Sophia didn’t know that fact when she headed to the bar and started to down vodka.

I couldn’t crawl in bed with her. Anger filled me, anger with myself and directed at her, too. The good girl quality of Sophia had drawn me to her, what she did tonight didn’t fit with her nature. I sat in a chair in the corner of the room and watched her as she slept. I prayed she would understand and forgive me. I had driven her into the stranger’s arms. I sat there all night, watching, waiting.

Morning light streamed through the window as I rested my elbows on my legs and placed my head in my palms. I sensed movement from the bed.

Looking up I saw Sophia blinking, trying to clear her eyes. She stared at me, but didn’t say a word. I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. I needed to know and needed to move on, I needed us.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” I said, my voice seething in anger.

“I could ask you the same thing,” she spat back.

“I find you in a bar, drunk, kissing a stranger and his hands are all over you! You weren’t struggling to get away, but seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you, Kayden? I fucking don’t. I walked in yesterday to find you not alone. So don’t give me some bullshit about kissing a stranger,” she said sitting up straighter.

“Nothing happened with her and me. I was already passed out when she got here, and she crawled in my bed on her own. I never even woke up until after you left and the guys woke me up. They called her to come over, not me, thinking I needed someone to talk to. She’s a friend and only a friend, I did nothing wrong, Sophia. I didn’t touch her, let alone place my lips on hers,” I said, sadness filling me with the image of Sophia kissing another man.

“I don’t believe you! I saw your tangled bodies, naked in this very bed.”

“I told you already, I was passed out and never even knew she was here. Does she want me? Yes. Do I want her? Fuck no,” I yelled. “Nothing happened between us, but I clearly saw your lips on another man. You ripped my heart out. I never thought you would do that, Sophia.”

A knock sounded at the door, but we kept our eyes locked on each other.

“What?” I yelled.

“Can I come in?” John asked.

“What the fuck?” she said throwing her hands in the air.

The door opened slowly and he entered the room looking around and gulping loudly.

“Sophia, I need to explain,” John spoke to her as approaching the bed.

“Save it, John. I know what I saw,” she said to him, keeping her eyes pointed at me.

“I know what you think you saw, but it’s not what happened. Kayden never woke up. He has been passed out most of the week. The only time he was up was to find his next drink. I called her to talk to him. We all work together and they’ve been friends for years. I thought she could get through to him... I didn’t know what she would end up falling asleep in his bed.” John stated.

“You really think I’m going to believe that?”

“It’s the truth. I was trying to get him on track, for you, Sophia. I never thought she’d take advantage of the situation. When I arrived home from work Kayden was already passed out cold. She showed up and went in his room. He didn’t do anything with her. He loves you, and wouldn’t cheat on you,” He pleaded with Sophia.

“Thanks for telling me, John. Kayden and I need to discuss last night, if you don’t mind,” she said.

“I am being honest with you—He needs you, Sophia,” John said as he stood up and moved towards the door.

I remained silent while John spoke. My eyes never leaving hers, conveying hurt and anguish. She dropped her head into her hands and began to cry. I had fucked everything up.

I said nothing and didn’t move to comfort her. We both did wrong, but I needed her to speak to me first.

“I was mad at you for drinking so much, and pushing me away. I hate myself for running away and into the arms of another man, but you need to know what last night did to me,” she looked up at me, into me, through me. “You’ve been absent and drinking. I just thought that you’ve been drinking and fucking your way through your days and nights. I’m such a whore for kissing that man in the bar”

“Sophia, I can’t believe you’d think that of me. I’d never. I’m sorry I allowed the alcohol to consume me, become my lifeline.”

“I’m sorry, Kayden. I don’t know what else to say.” she cried into her palms.

“Sophia,” I said, moving towards her. I sat on the bed and pulled her hands away from her face. “You thought I fucked the girl in my bed, and you were upset. I’ve been acting like a total asshole.”

“You had me out of my mind. I was so worried about you, and then when I get here I find you in bed with someone else. It was an image I just couldn’t get out of my brain.”

I wiped the tears away from her face. “I will always be faithful to you. I’m yours and you’re mine. No matter what you think you saw, I’m not a cheater. I’m a one-woman man. I will not share you either.”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly last night after having so many drinks. I’m sorry.”

“I know what that’s like, trust me,” I said with a smile. “We’ve hurt each other, Sophia. I hurt you with my drinking and not being there, and you hurt me by allowing someone else to kiss you. If it wasn’t for my behavior, you wouldn’t have allowed another man to touch you.”

“Never, I should have stayed and fought with you, for you.”

“You should have hit me or yelled… anything other than running away and into the arms of another man.”

“I’ll never do that again. I have never loved another soul deeper and harder than I love you,” she said to me.

“I love you, too, Sophia,” I said kissing her lips. I undressed and crawled under the covers with her. I needed to feel her skin against mine.

I’ve never been so utterly in love with a person. I wanted her, and more importantly, I needed her. I felt that the bottle was my only friend, holding my hand, helping me through this journey. It’s easy to fall back on bad habits that have been there to console in the past. Alone in this apartment—booze became my only friend and solace. I shut Sophia out and almost paid the ultimate price.

I could almost touch the strain between us; our actions had caused a crack that needed to be mended.

I kissed her with all the emotion and love that I felt in my heart. I needed to be inside her, remind her of my love. I made love to Sophia, face to face. I looked into her big brown eyes and never looked away. I needed the connection with her. She’s mine and I’m hers.

We spent most of Saturday inside holding each other and made love once.

“Please promise me you won’t drink like that again, Kayden?” She asked in a pleading voice.

“I’m sorry,” I responded. I didn’t know if I could hold true to a promise like that, all I could do was apologize.

“You scared me… I’ve missed you the past week. I don’t think I could do that again,” she said sternly.

“I used to have a drinking problem and sought help after my arrest,” I stated.

“I had no idea,” she said sadly.

“That’s because I never mentioned it. I don’t usually say, “Hey, I’m Kayden, and I’m an alcoholic.” I had it under control. I don’t usually drink so much... I’m just so depressed about not working. My life is falling apart,” I replied with sorrow in my voice. Sophia was my one bright spot, but I couldn’t focus on her, the darkness outweighing the light.

“Please try not to drink… for me. Be constructive. You’ve spent days drunk and passed out. You should have been using that time to fight. Promise me, Kayden. Your life isn’t falling apart. I’m still here. Don’t forget about me,” she said harshly.

I wouldn’t say that he currently had anything under control. Control is a word that addicts use when they still abuse their drug of choice. The addiction usually controlled the person, not the other way around. I would say the last week of his addiction, namely vodka, had controlled him.

“I’m sorry, and I promise to do better. I never want to upset you,” he said, staring into my eyes before kissing me on the cheek.

I understood that he felt sad and that he loved his job, but instead of drinking himself into oblivion, he should’ve been making phone calls and figuring out his next step. If there was no hope, like he assumed, then he needed to decide what to do next. Please let it involve me.

Exhaustion painted his face. The weight of the world was on his shoulders, but I wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. I would be there for him and help him in any way I could. The weekend passed quickly and I needed to go home to return to work.