Текст книги "Untangle Me"

Автор книги: Chelle Bliss

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

I had been so scared and helpless while I was away from him. If he was drunk and passed out, he would not be able to make decisions about his future or look for alternate employment. I wanted him in my life, but I did not sign up for a relationship with vodka. I would not give up on him. He needed to understand the depths of my sadness and worry.

He squeezed me tight and I got out of bed to pack my suitcase. My heart told me everything would be alright, but my mind knew better. I knew that this wasn’t the end of his struggle with alcohol. I knew a decision would have to be made. Do I stay and be his rock or do I run and cause him to spiral even further?

At the airport we kissed goodbye, tears streamed down my face and I could barely breathe. I felt like my world was ending as I hugged him, unable to let go. I inhaled him. He smelled like the man that I had always smelled before, instead of the stale vodka scent that lingered on his skin yesterday.

I cried walking through security. I’d miss him, more importantly I was scared—scared that the drinking would cause our relationship to fall apart.

Secrets

I hadn’t been entirely truthful with Sophia in the beginning, I had a drinking problem. Up until about two years ago, my life had been filled with addiction and excess to alcohol or drugs. The aftermath with Lisa caused me to gain control, though. Not out of want, but out of necessity. Sophia only knew a small snippet of my past. My life had spiraled out of control for many years, but one positive thing that occurred because of my arrest was that I gained control of my drinking, until now.

I had nowhere else to turn after my arrest. I couldn’t go home to my parents, and I had no means to support myself, losing my job because I didn’t show up the next day. I went to a homeless shelter at the Salvation Army, living in their communal housing where I was required to attend alcoholism counseling and work in their store. I had to take a real look at my life and what actions caused me to end up at their facility. The alcohol had caused so many problems throughout my life, it is my kryptonite. I had to stop it from ruling my life, and had been successful until now.

I would eventually share all of the gory details with her. I had to… I needed to. I had to wait for a time when I had control over my life. Sophia is the only beacon of hope in my life. I would try to stay sober for her—try to be the better man she deserved.

I felt my world falling apart as she walked through security at the airport. I felt hopeless, but I reassured her that everything would be okay. I didn’t believe any of it, it’s all horseshit. What am I without a job? Who am I? I had lost my center and my reason for being, besides Sophia. I loved my work, and it helped keep my mind occupied when we aren’t together.

What would I do without her here? The bottle would be my only friend nearby. I needed her with me, my moral compass. She deserved so much better than me, but I couldn’t give her up. Ever.

I walked out of the airport and through the parking garage until I found my truck. Climbing inside, I closed the door, and I could still smell her perfume in the air. She’s gone and I’m alone, again. I needed a fucking drink.

I’m a complete and utter fucking mess.

Broken Promises

He said there were things I didn’t know about him; I never thought alcoholism would be one. The signs were there, he always had a drink in his hands, never a day totally alcohol free when we were together. I always ended up drunk or buzzed, while he remained unfazed.

I loved Kayden, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit my emotions were mixed with the knowledge of his alcohol abuse. How could I walk away from him? I could not even go a night without talking with him, when he was clean and working I adored the man. How didn’t I know this about him?

Could I deal with a man that had a drinking problem? Someone that went to the bottle and buried their head instead of fighting for what they wanted? I didn’t want that life for myself. My mom had three traits she warned me against constantly: Don’t marry a drug addict, a cheater, or a drinker. While I didn’t always want to listen to my mom, and often rebelled against her advice, in the end, she was usually right.

He promised me that he would try not to drink so much, but who was I fucking kidding? An addict can’t just stop with a mere promise. His drinking started again, possibly before the wheels of my plane touched the tarmac. He had no chance of staying sober with drinking the norm amongst the guys. I saw the bottles lined up on the counter; tequila, vodka, rum, and whiskey, they were the only form of decoration. The temptation too great for him to deny… I had a choice to make.

The Kayden I knew and loved disappeared. In his place, a man filled with despair, often missing from my day. Time ticked away, as I filled my days as I had before, immersing myself in books and my work. Each day I prayed for normalcy. It had been established the day he entered my world, invaded it more accurately, and now there was hole where he used to be.

Me: Ready to Skype, sweetness?

Kayden: I think I’m dying.

I sighed. The everyday drama exhausted me.

Me: Huh?

Kayden: I ate a piece of a habanera pepper, it was a dare.

Men did crazy shit that I would never dream of doing with my girlfriends. Obviously this decision was made in an altered state.

Me: You okay?

No response. Fucking asshole. I’m dying aren’t the last words you want to hear from someone before they disappear. My heart sank and I felt physically ill. Our talks and seeing him online each evening were the best part of my day and now everything has changed.

As much as my life had shifted the day I met him, it had been spun on its axis and everything seemed to be unraveling. He wrecked me. Not a quick stab to the heart, but a slow dissection with a dull rusty blade.

I drowned my sorrows in the lives of my favorite fictional characters, trying to lose myself in their blissful lives, but Kayden never strayed from my thoughts. Kayden would emerge when his self-induced coma wore off sometime tomorrow. Mental and physical exhaustion took me, allowing me to dream of the love I’ve missed.

My phone chirped and I wanted to ignore him, but I couldn’t—The pull was too strong.

Kayden: Are you mad at me?

How couldn’t I be? He left me hanging, worried and stressed.

Me: More than I can explain right now.

Kayden: I’m sorry.

I knew he meant those words, but my anger drove my words.

Me: You’re always sorry Kayden, but you aren’t doing anything about it.

Kayden: What do you want me to do?

I clenched my jaw wanting to scream.

Me: Come up with a plan, something besides getting lost in a bottle.

Kayden: If I don’t get my job back then I’m coming to you Sophia.

Doesn’t he want to be with me? I didn’t want to be a last resort. My heart fractured a little deeper. My love for this man had eclipsed anything I’ve ever felt before for anyone.

Me: You’re going to get it back. I just know it.

Kayden: It’s highly unlikely. I’m fucking losing my mind here Sophia… I can’t do this anymore.

Me: What?

Kayden: I can’t be without you anymore. I won’t do it anymore.

I wanted him with me, hating the distance between us, but not under these circumstances. I wanted to be a choice not a backup plan.

Me: What? You’re acting weird, are you drunk already?

I waited a few minutes, but a reply never came.

Me: Figured you’d pass out again. Today better be different, Kayden.

Hours passed and my anger only grew. I wouldn’t allow myself or anyone in my life to be ruled by alcohol. Kayden needed to choose or I would make the choice for him. I sent a couple of angry texts while he was missing in an alcohol induced sleep.

Kayden: That’s enough.

Me: Of? I can’t believe we are having this conversation online since you are too fucked up to call and speak to me.

Kayden: I know. Are we still together? Please don’t leave me Sophia.

Me: Barely, Kayden.

Kayden: Forever.

I can’t go on like this, I wanted my Kayden back. I’d fight for him… I’d save him.

Me: You better get your motherfucking shit together and fucking fast!

Kayden: I’m going to lean on you Sophia. I need your light to pull me out of the darkness.

Me: I want you to lean on me, confide in me, but you’ve leaned on Jack for weeks. I’m afraid I’d be just another crutch. I remember something you said to me once—we all fall sometimes in life Sophia, it’s more important how we recover.

Kayden: I don’t know how to recover. I’m used to leaning on the bottle… it’s been my only friend at times.

My limit reached, I lashed out at him.

Me: I can’t do this anymore, Kayden. You aren’t thinking of what this is doing to me… When you get yourself straight, come back to me.

Kayden: You’re breaking up with me?

Me: If it gets you clean, then yes.

Kayden: Fuck off then.

There it was. I was harsh with my words, but I didn’t know what else to say to him. I had tried to be the understanding and loving girlfriend. I tried to be supportive and help keep his spirits hopeful. None of it worked. Maybe he needed to get pissed off at me, scared a bit. He needed to fight for something, anything… for me.

Me: Really? You don’t choose me, guess that’s that. I’ll fuck off Kayden. Thanks for showing me what love could be, should be.... even if only for a moment. Hope you find peace and happiness someday, just make sure it’s not with Lisa.

Kayden: WTF with Lisa?

I knew the Lisa comment would catch his attention.

Me: Whoever you are with in the future… Make sure it’s not her. She made you miserable for too long.

Kayden: I’m completely happy with you Sophia, I’m just not happy with me.

I’d do anything for this man. I needed him to understand that, to feel it.

Me: It’s no excuse… You’re making sure to push me the fuck away, aren’t you?

Kayden: You’re really breaking up with me?

My words were hollow, but I hope it caused his heart to stop for a moment. I couldn’t imagine my life without Kayden, his passion and love. Didn’t he just tell me to fuck off? Having a conversation with a drunk was so futile. They spoke without thinking and then had amnesia within a few minutes. Why did I even bother?

Me: You told me to fuck off.

Kayden: I did, and I’m sorry. Can we start the day over? I love you Sophia. I’ll do better, try harder.

Me: Call me when you wake and can talk to me Kayden. I need to hear your voice today.

I placed my phone next to my pillow, wishing for sleep to take me. My eyes flew open with a chirp that I couldn’t ignore. Kayden had sent me a song, my heart thumped as I hit play. ‘The Reason’ by Hoobastank filled the air. I listened carefully to the words, they wrapped around me, stealing my breath.

Homecoming

I needed to go shopping for a dress; tomorrow Suzy and I were going to the Homecoming Dance. He always helped me pick out something perfect to wear. I didn’t want my dress to be too sexy, but I didn’t want to look like a child either. I went to the usual department stores to begin with and he helped me find one, but it was more money than I wanted to spend. My only options left were little thrift stores scattered throughout my small town.

Kayden: Do NOT go to a thrift shop.

Me: Why not? They have a huge selection and cheap prices.

Kayden: You shouldn’t be shopping at a place like that.

Kayden wouldn’t tell me why, he just kept saying to find another store. He disappeared shortly after I walked through the doors of Goodwill. I found a cute black dress for around five dollars, a total steal. I went home, crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I felt lost and alone, more than I had ever before. I had a connection so deep and passionate with Kayden unlike anyone before, but it was dangling by a thread poised to break. I needed to grab it, before it was lost forever.

Kayden: Morning baby doll.

Me: Morning.

I’d been up for hours, unable to sleep. Sleep never came easy for me, unless I was wrapped in Kayden’s arms.

Kayden: I’m sorry I fell asleep last night so early.

Me: You didn’t fall asleep Kayden, you passed out. There’s a difference.

Kayden: I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you. You’re the best part of my life, I choose you. My life feels like it’s spinning out of control and I can’t get it under control.

Should I give up? Has this all been futile? Kayden is worth fighting for. I wouldn’t let him spiral into the abyss.

Me: Well it’s about to go off a cliff without a guardrail to stop it.

Kayden: What?

I barely knew what I was talking about at this point. He had me in knots, barely forming coherent sentences.

Me: Nothing. No more fucking drinking all day until you pass out. It isn’t helping you or us.

Kayden: I know. I’ll do better. Don’t give up on me Sophia, please. I won’t drink anymore, just don’t give up on me.

Me: I’m fighting for us, Kayden. You’re the master of your future—our future. Don’t fuck it up.

I couldn’t be clearer. I wouldn’t give up on him just yet. I wanted the playful man I fell for, the one that swept me off my feet with his sexy smirk and passion laced words. Kayden stayed in contact with me throughout the day, not letting more than five minutes pass between messages. My stress level had decreased dramatically through the day.

My roommate and I spent hours doing our hair and makeup for the dance. We felt like teenagers again. On my way to the dance, my phone rang—Kayden. My heart stopped, something must be wrong.

“Hey baby. What’s up?” I answered cheerfully. Sounding slightly panicked, but I tried to hide it from my voice.

“The guys want to go to Bourbon Street and want me to go, too,” he said with hope in his voice.

“And?” I asked.

“Is it okay if I go with them, please?” he begged. “I’ll be a good boy.”

He’ll be a good boy? I knew Bourbon Street was filled with temptation. How could I say no? He’s had so little happiness in his life recently. Did I have the right to deny him of a fun evening with his friends? He had been so miserable and needed to get out of the apartment. He didn’t really need to call me asking permission, although he knew it would earn him brownie points.

“Fine, Kayden. Don’t drink too much though, please,” I pleaded with him. I knew this was a promise he would never be able to keep. NOLA sucks you in; no one could escape sober, especially with Kayden’s friends cheering him on.

“I won’t. I’ll be a good boy. You’ll see,” he said gleefully sounding happier than I had heard him in weeks.

“Skype me later when you get home please, promise?” I asked him.

“I promise,” he said. “I love you, Sophia.”

“I love you, too. Talk to you later, and have fun with the boys,” I said as I pushed the button on my steering wheel to end the call. I knew he would end up over indulging, but he is a grown man. My stress level slowly rose, but nothing compared to the gutting I felt earlier in the week.

Suzy and I arrived at the dance; we walked around watching the kids and stopping to take photos with them. The dance was in the open courtyard of the school under the stars. I sent pictures to Kayden. I wanted him to see that I was having fun, and I was. I heard from him a few times throughout the night.

My feet were killing me from the unusually high heels I wore. I had always been a kitten heel type of girl, but recently I’ve grown a fondness to the high rise variety. I sat on my bed, rubbing my feet and waited for Kayden’s call. He texted me to already to let me know he’d be home soon. I had just enough time to get undressed and ready for bed. I wanted to fall asleep listening to his voice.

“Hey, baby doll. I’m home and safe,” he said to me, trying to be reassuring.

“Did you drink?” I asked, already knowing the answer before he even answered the question.

“Yes, Sophia. I’m sorry,” he said. Kayden wouldn’t lie to me. He was honest to a fault, but he knew he disappointed me.

“Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning, Kayden,” I said as I hung up the phone.

What could I say at this point? I gave him permission to drink tonight, I couldn’t be upset. I needed the night to think about him and us. I couldn’t give up on him. I wanted to heal him—make him happy, but would I be enough? He deserved happiness, he has filled my world with joy more than sadness… even through these fucked up couple weeks. No one had ever made me feel more loved, desired, or cherished than he did. He’s the addiction that I couldn’t give up.

In the morning, I booked another flight to New Orleans. I had to either break up with him to regain my sanity or bring him home with me where I could keep an eye on him. I wanted him close, not just to keep an eye on him, but because I missed him. Maybe some of the despair he felt deepened with the distance and coming home with me would help in some small way. I knew I couldn’t cure him or take away all his pain, but maybe, just maybe, my presence would make it all a little easier to deal with for him.

Landslide

I kept fucking everything up. How did I let my life become ruled by alcohol? The one person I cared about more than anything in the world—Sophia—I had placed on the back burner. I had become selfish and thought only about myself. She is my happiness, and I focused too much on what had gone wrong, instead of all the wonderful things that had fallen into my lap unexpectedly. I finally had something to look forward to for the first time in weeks—Sophia had booked a flight.

She would be here tomorrow, and the place was a mess. I was a mess. I needed to clean the apartment and stay sober—I could do it for her. I wouldn’t choose the bottle over her. My phone chimed and I ran to look at the message.

Sophia: What are you doing baby?

Me: Starting to clean. This place is a pigsty and the guys haven’t bothered cleaning up after themselves.

Sophia: Not going to lie in bed and wallow in a bottle today?

Ouch. Fuck. I deserved that, she had no reason to believe in me anymore. I would have to earn her trust again.

Me: No, Soph. I’m staying sober… done drinking. It hasn’t solved any of my problems, just seemed to cause more. I need to start coming up with a plan for my future—our future.

Sophia: That’s a good attitude. Hopefully they aren’t empty words.

I meant every word I spoke to her. I needed a plan, but somehow the bottle always called me, filled with false promises.

Me: I know you don’t believe me, but I’ll prove it to you. Just don’t give up on me, don’t leave me.

I spent all day scrubbing floors, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathrooms. I went to the grocery store and purchased all her favorites, I dumped out the bottles of liquor that I had in my bedroom and moved my roommates’ bottles into their rooms. I couldn’t stare at their bottles and have the temptation in plain view.

Sophia: I’ve missed you.

Me: I’ve been here all along.

Sophia: You haven’t been the man I fell in love with. You’ve been noticeably absent in my life.

Me: I’m back, Sophia. I can’t even explain how happy I am that you’ll be here tomorrow. You’re the most important thing in my life.

She is everything to me, she made me feel whole. I had been acting like a fucking fool and a selfish prick. I’d be devastated without her. A job is just that—a job. I could find another job or line of work. As long as I had Sophia by my side, I could do anything. I wanted to be worthy of her love.

I don’t think Sophia had experience with an alcoholic, she wouldn’t understand what my body is currently battling. I’ve been going through withdrawals all day and I prayed they stopped before she arrived. I looked like shit and felt even worse. My body shook uncontrollably. I knew a drink would take the edge off, but I couldn’t take the chance of falling down the rabbit whole. I needed to deal with the effects of withdrawal naturally and not with a Bloody Mary.

Goodbye NOLA

I needed to touch him—remind him of what he had to fight for. We’re made for each other and brought together at this moment in time for a reason. I need his passion and Kayden needed a constant. Our experiences have molded us into people that fit perfectly together. He couldn’t throw that away, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to allow him to do it either.

My heart raced, almost bursting through my chest, as I walked through the airport. Walking through security I could see Kayden waiting for me. Leaning against a wall, he looked nervous and a little worn down. He smiled sweetly when he saw me and looked handsome as always in jeans, t-shirt, and sandals. My pace quickened, I couldn’t wait another second to be wrapped in his arms. I inhaled him and was bombarded with a mix of smells—stale vodka and the man I love.

I looked up into his beautiful sad green eyes. “You haven’t been drinking today, have you?” I couldn’t help but ask, scared to get in his truck if he had. I held my breath waiting for him to answer.

“Not today, baby doll,” he replied. Squeezing me tighter, I could feel his body shaking.

“You’re shaking Kayden. Are you all right?”

“I’m great. I’m just so excited and happy to see you,” he said smoothly.

Bullshit. He’d never shook before; no less excited this time than he had been before. I knew the symptoms of withdrawals, his body craving alcohol. He needed it. My heart sank with the knowledge that he had been experiencing physical pain. Was he a full-blown alcoholic—always been an alcoholic, or had the last couple weeks just taken a toll upon his body?

Thinking back on our time together, Kayden always had a drink in his hand, but then again so did I. We didn’t stay home during our time together; we always found our way to a bar or a club. He never seemed affected by the drinking either, where I became drunk or buzzed. I guess the signs had been there, but I never made the connection.

He grabbed my bag and holding my hand as we walked to his truck. Quiet filled the air during our walk. Would we start this trip the same as we always had before? Our relationship wasn’t merely physical, but we needed it like the air we breathed. He threw my bag in his truck. He turned around, facing me, and drew me into a soul sucking kiss. I’ve missed his commanding kiss, searing touch, and suffocating passion. I needed the reassurance that we are okay—that he is okay.

He grabbed me, turning my body away from his, pushing me against the hood of his truck. I could hear the zipper of his pants moving quickly. Was he really going to fuck me right here, in the open? My heart pounded from the fear of being caught, sounding like thunder filling my ears. Cool air caressed my flesh as he lifted the back of my dress. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he used the leverage to push his hard cock inside me. I rested my hands on the hood, trying to find anything to hold on to. This is the man I know, filled with lust and longing that he couldn’t wait to be buried inside me.

I couldn’t focus on our surroundings. Were there other people nearby? Cameras? My mind raced with thoughts, but the battering of his cock drove all rational from my brain. I was mindless with lust and longing for Kayden. I only cared about the feeling of him inside me and his skin grazing my ass. He held both of my shoulders, making me immobile, unrelenting in his pursuit of release.

His breathing came quick and erratic, as his body shook. “Fuck,” he moaned. He filled me with his warmth as his body became limp against my back.

“Jesus.” I had never been so reckless in my life and couldn’t think of another word to express my surprise. He pulled his cock out of me, causing his cum to run down my inner thigh. I laid there in shock for a moment before moving. Had I just allowed him to fuck me outside? I loved when Kayden became all caveman—taking me, not asking, just ravaged my body and used me entirely.

Kayden turned my limp body, propping my back against the truck, and kissed me deeply. His kiss conveyed all the emotions that he felt in that moment—love, lust, sadness, longing, and comfort. Breaking the kiss, he stared into my eyes. “I love you, Sophia. I’m in love with you, consumed, head-over-heels in love. My life would end without you… I need you; don’t ever leave me, Sophia.”

Lost in his eyes and absorbed in the emotion of the moment, I caressed his face. “I’m yours… always,” I said. “I’ve searched my entire life for you, and I’m not willing to throw you away so easily. Don’t shut me out anymore.”

He rested his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. “I never shut you out. I don’t know how to explain it to you. The darkness that’s consumed me is caused by you not being here. My work helped keep my mind and body occupied in your absence, but without you to touch and hold…I have nothing. The bottle becomes my only comfort. It’s been a constant in my life.” He paused and swallowing hard before continuing, “I’ve always been discarded or used by women, but I’ve used them for my own pleasure as well. After being hurt so much I knew I could only rely on myself, my heart hardened, and I became a user. You changed my world, Sophia.”

“I love you, Kayden,” I said kissing his lips tenderly. “Take me home.”

We spent the weekend enjoying the French Quarter and New Orleans. I didn’t ask to go to Bourbon Street or anything revolving around liquor. The temptation would be too great for Kayden, and unfair of me to put him in that position. The city had so much more to offer; culture, art, quaint coffee shops, unique stores, and historic sites—plenty to fill a lifetime without staggering into a bar.

I could understand why people lived here even with the danger. It was old and romantic. The city parks and old churches added life and charm to this old town. The smells and sounds were intoxicating. The city had a history and a story to tell if you bothered to listen. The people were charming and kind, filled with southern hospitality. We sat on the old church steps, enjoying some coffee, and watching the people move about their day. Kayden and I always talked so free and open, but all weekend an invisible barrier separate us. I needed to hear his story, the secrets. I needed to know before I left. My heart sank at the thought of leaving this man behind. Could I leave him again?

“Kayden, you keep saying you have things to tell me about your past… can you share them with me? It’s not fair to keep dangling them in front of me and never share the details,” I pleaded.

“I’ve just tried to shelter you from my past. I don’t think you could ever imagine what my life has been like, it’s so much worse than you can imagine,” he said.

I grabbed his hand, enclosing it in mine. “Kayden, I love you for everything you are now, not for what you were. I want to know all of you, what made you into the man you are today, the man that has consumed my every thought and captured my soul.”

He lifted my fingers to his lips kissing them. Opening my palm, he nuzzled his face into the warm of my hand. “I struggled with drugs in my youth, every kind imaginable. My life consisted of getting my next fix, booze, and women.

My marriage ended because of my drinking. My wife, Danielle, made me so absolutely miserable that drinking was the only thing I looked forward to in my day. I met Lisa shortly after my marriage ended and she wrapped me up in her world. I already told you how that ended; fuck, she was a manipulative bitch.

After my arrest, I had nowhere to go. Lisa had driven every person I loved out of my life. My mom didn’t want anything to do with me and I was truly alone. I lived in a homeless shelter and they enrolled me in their alcohol abuse program. I worked in their store in exchange for a roof over my head. It was the single lowest point in my life,” he said. He tried hard the last year to be a better man and stay on the straight and narrow.

“I need to feel a purpose in life, keep myself occupied. My job was my purpose for so long, and then you came into my life. My life was simple before you; work, sleep, eat, and repeat. Sometimes I’d call someone for a night of lust, but no further attachments. You sucked me in and consumed my every thought. Every time I have to say goodbye to you a small piece of my heart breaks. Without work to keep me busy and you so far away… I feel lost,” he told me.

I couldn’t leave Kayden behind, wouldn’t do it. I turned to him and said, “You’re coming home with me tonight, Kayden.”

“I don’t have the money to pay for a ticket,” he replied, shaking his head.

“You have a credit for the ticket you had to cancel last month due to the hurricane. We can use that and I’ll cover the difference. I’m not leaving you here alone,” I said, looking him in the eyes.

He thought about it before responding. “I don’t know. I don’t want to be a burden on you, Sophia. I don’t have any money to buy food or pay for anything,” he said to me with a sincere look on his face.

“I can’t leave you here without any way to eat or survive,” I replied to him as I brushed my fingertips against his cheek.

“The guys will make sure I’m fed,” Kayden said.

“They’ll also make sure you’re drunk, too. I want to be with you. We can spend more than a weekend together for once. I can fall asleep in your arms each night; we’ve always been so rushed. When you’re rehired, I’ll get you back to New Orleans,” I promised, pleading with him.

“I hate having to rely on anyone, Sophia.”

“Stop the macho bullshit; we never have enough time together,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll come with you,” he said to me.

I knew he loved this city, and his life is here, but I’m his life, too. I am the only one that could help him, motivate him, and keep him on track. I am not and never had been a drinker. He needed to get away from the guys, the nightly drinking, and break the pattern.

That evening he packed a bag and told his roommates he would be gone until he could return to work. I felt at peace knowing he would be with me. No more wondering what happened to him, if he was okay, or if he was drinking.

Sadness showed on his face as we drove through the city heading towards the airport. “You’ll be back, Kayden—this is only temporary.”

“I love this city, but I want to be with you. I wish we lived here together,” he said.

I squeezed his hand, knowing we would be back. Our time in New Orleans wasn’t over just yet. We made the flight bound for Florida. Kayden was fidgeting in his seat on the plane. “What’s wrong, baby?” I asked.