Текст книги "Just To Be With You"

Автор книги: Bella Andre

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Tatiana’s two-block walk home was a blur of rain and emotion. She made sure to keep her head down to lower the odds of anyone recognizing her, and tried to stay a couple of feet ahead of Ian. She’d been right about him not risking throwing her over his shoulder to get her into his car, but he had stubbornly refused to let her walk home alone.

Her heart wrenched in her chest with every step, not only at how something so unbelievably beautiful could turn ugly so fast...but at the fact that she hadn’t seen it coming. Hadn’t for one single second guessed that the love she felt for Ian, the love she’d thought they’d expressed to each other every moment they’d been together last night, wasn’t being returned in full.

When he’d told her he wanted to cherish her, she’d assumed he’d been speaking about more than just her body, that he’d meant he wanted to cherish her heart, too, the way she cherished his. She’d been so sure that the sweetness and the intense heat of their lovemaking had been the ultimate proof of all the things Ian felt for her but didn’t know how to say out loud.

Less than an hour ago, she’d been so full of joy, so excited about their future together, so painfully naïve as she’d wrapped herself up in his shirt then walked into the kitchen to find him.

Now, all she could hear was his voice in her head. “Just because we burn up the sheets together doesn’t mean I love you.”

She had never been so thankful for the wet Seattle skies so that she could pretend it was just the rain she was wiping away from her eyes. Looking up, she saw that they were nearly at her building. Ten feet more, and she’d be safe inside, away from Ian.

“Tatiana.” He surprised her by reaching for her hand, and holding firmly on to it until she had no choice but to turn to look at him. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

But she already knew that, and somehow, it made everything worse.

She’d been loved and protected her whole life, but even with his mother’s warning combined with how hard Ian had worked all week to keep his distance from her, she’d still thought love would be straightforward and effortless and easy.

Easy.

Now she knew just how wrong she’d been.

Tugging her hand free, she walked into her building and into the elevator, waiting until the doors closed so that she could be absolutely certain that she was alone before she let her tears fall.

And fall.

And fall.

* * *

Every other time in her life when she’d been knocked down, Tatiana had reached out for her sister, and Valentina had always been there. It was pure reflex to go find her phone, only before she had, she was shocked to realize that making that call for help just didn’t feel right this time.

Valentina had been there for her her entire life, and though Tatiana knew she would be again, this time they wouldn’t be dealing with a skinned knee, or a rude co-star, or Tatiana feeling temporarily overwhelmed by the pressures of fame.

Love was so much bigger than all of those little irritations. So freaking big and confusing, in fact, that she finally understood why Valentina had kept her budding romance with Smith to herself during those early weeks when the two of them had been starting to fall for each other.

Tatiana’s stomach rumbled, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep any breakfast down. Not when she was churning inside—mind, body, and soul. Hurt warred with love, and pleasure warred with the fear that she’d been foolish to see something in Ian—in both of them—that wasn’t actually there.

He’d told her that life, that love, wasn’t a fairy tale, and that no matter how good sleeping together was, they weren’t going to get happily-ever-after with each other. Tatiana had always believed that she had a good grasp on fantasy versus reality, and that she’d been careful to keep a wide distance between playing a role in her work life and being true to herself when the cameras were turned off.

But was that true? Or had she just been fooling herself?

After waiting all these years to go to bed with a man, after waiting to make sure it was love and not just sex, had she simply told herself the lie she wanted to believe so that she could take what her body had craved so badly? Had she been so focused on the butterflies and the fireworks shooting through her every time Ian looked at her that she hadn’t stopped to look carefully enough at what was really going on? Had she been wrong to believe that there was more than heat and attraction and sheet-melting sex between them?

Even now, as she stripped off her coat, she could still feel the imprint of his mouth, his hands, his hard, heavy weight over her.

And even after everything he’d said, her body—and her heart—still craved him.

It was so tempting to slide under the covers of her bed, pull them up high over her head, and let the darkness of sleep temporarily shut down her brain and the ache she felt in her heart every time it pulsed in her chest.

But Tatiana couldn’t stand the thought of being that girl who hid, who cried under the covers. She might not have the answers yet to any of the questions she’d been asking herself. But how would she ever figure things out if she didn’t keep facing the situation head on?

Hoping everything would seem clearer after a shower, she was heading for the bathroom when she saw the invitation sitting on the corner of the small desk in her bedroom.

The Seattle Family Foundation event was tonight. She’d promised to go, and though she felt like a truck had run over her, there was no way she was going back on her word.

Maybe, she thought, this was exactly what she and Ian needed—to be forced to see each other again before he could retreat even further into himself. She’d picked out a dress to wear earlier in the week—black and white silk, belted at the waist and fluttery at the knees.

But that had been before.

After, though she wasn’t nearly as angry as she’d first been when he’d deliberately tried to push her away in his kitchen with his harsh words, she was still hurt...and just human enough that she wanted to push Ian back in some way, if only to show him that she wasn’t the only one who cared.

Flipping on the light in her walk-in closet, she scanned the clothes hanging in front of her, running through them with her fingers. They were all pretty, elegant, sexy even. But none of the dresses were exactly right.

She wanted to dazzle Ian tonight, wanted his eyes to pop out of his head and his brain to turn to mush when he saw her.

The rational part of her knew that she shouldn’t use her looks, or his attraction to her, to prove that she mattered to him. But the hurt voices that were shouting a heck of a lot louder than the rational ones told her in no uncertain terms that she should do whatever she could to prove that she did.

Any way she could.

She pulled out a dress that a new designer had sent to her agent, asking if she’d consider wearing it. Slinky and gold, it fit her as if it had been made specifically to her measurements, but when she’d tried it on three weeks ago, she’d felt as if she were playing dress-up in a much sexier woman’s clothes.

Now, as she drew the thin, shimmering fabric over her naked curves and looked into the mirror, she finally realized why wearing the dress had never before felt right.

Three weeks ago, she hadn’t understood her own sexuality, how deep it ran, or how sweet it could be.

Now she did.

Her eyes, the glow of her skin, even the way her body moved—all of it felt new now that she’d learned about pleasure.

And—whether Ian wanted to believe in it or not—love.

Regardless of how harshly he’d reacted this morning, Tatiana knew deep in her heart that the hours they’d spent in each other’s arms had been special. Unbelievably precious and beautiful.

Carefully taking off the dress and hanging it up, she wrapped herself in a robe, then finally found her phone tucked halfway beneath a pillow on her bed. Hoping to find a hairstylist and manicurist somewhere in Seattle who would be able to squeeze her in at the last second, after typing in her password on the screen saver, she was shocked to find forty-six voice mails and text messages waiting for her. The top few that showed on her phone’s screen all said one version or other of CONGRATULATIONS with a special text from Mia saying she and Ford were hoping Tatiana would be free the following Friday night to celebrate her and Smith’s nominations with the Seattle Sullivan crew.

She couldn’t believe she’d completely forgotten about her Best Actress nomination. She hadn’t called Smith back, hadn’t called her sister, hadn’t even spoken to her agent. Instead, she’d jumped into Ian’s arms, kissed him, and forgot that anything or anyone else existed but the two of them.

As she stood raw and hurting—and utterly, totally in love with Ian Sullivan—in her bedroom, Tatiana had never felt less equipped to deal with the Hollywood circus than she did right then. But at the same time, she’d also never needed the distraction of it more.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“Tatiana!” Joyce, the head of the foundation, looked surprised—and thrilled—to see her that evening at the entrance to the swanky downtown hotel’s grand ballroom. “Ian told us you weren’t going to be able to make it. And after we heard about your Oscar nomination, we weren’t surprised to hear you were too busy.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.” Not even a broken heart.

“We’re all so happy for you, and your nomination is so well deserved. I absolutely loved Gravity. My husband did, too, and he normally falls asleep in a movie unless there are a dozen car chases. I’m positive you’re going to win.”

“Thanks for saying that,” she replied with a smile, “although just getting the nomination was such a shock that I’m thinking actually winning would be completely overwhelming. Honestly, even thinking about what I’m going to wear that night is too overwhelming, at this point.”

Tatiana hadn’t been able to reach her sister or Smith, who were in Ireland scouting locations, and she’d guessed it was because Smith’s Best Actor nomination had made them as busy as she was. But while it felt funny not immediately sharing everything with her sister the way she always had since she was a little girl, in a way it had been a blessing.

She still wasn’t yet ready to talk to anyone about what had happened with Ian as she continued to work through her thoughts and emotions about all of it, reeling back and forth from hurt to angry to embarrassed...but always, throughout everything, still desperately in love. And utterly convinced that she was right to do whatever she could tonight to shake him up just a little more.

Still, during the ride here in the taxi she’d been more than a little nervous about the dress she was wearing. Even now, she had her trench coat wrapped tightly around her. But since her bold outfit wouldn’t be worth a thing if she didn’t project confidence along with it, she took a deep steadying breath as she undid the tie at her waist and slid it off her shoulders.

“Wow,” Joyce said, “that’s a gorgeous dress.”

“I love yours, too.” Noticing that the photographers were already pointing their cameras her way, Tatiana asked, “Where would you like me to go? Maybe I could stand over there, in front of the foundation’s logo?”

“That would be amazing. Thank you so much for doing this.”

“I’d like to do more, but hopefully this will be a good start.”

Joyce took her coat and Tatiana smiled for the flashing cameras that immediately surrounded her. She’d never stood in front of the press in quite so revealing a dress, and she could still feel the flutter of nerves inside, but amazingly, instead of wishing she could hide or cover up, she realized with some surprise that she felt beautiful.

Truly beautiful.

She’d posed for photographers a hundred times at premieres and other industry events and fundraisers, but she’d never felt quite so radiant, as though she could look down and find her skin sparkling.

Because despite the words they’d thrown at each other that morning, nothing could erase the beauty of the night she and Ian had shared. Every moment they’d been together—kissing in his office, making love in his bed, seducing each other in his bathtub—Ian had made her feel radiantly beautiful.

As a little girl Tatiana had been cute. As a teenager, cute had shifted to pretty. But now that Ian had made her his, she finally felt like a woman, inside and out.

* * *

Ian looked up from his conversation at the sudden commotion. All the invited members of the press were leaving the main ballroom at the same time to head out to the entrance hall. Instantly, he knew why they were all so excited. So thrilled.

Because it was exactly the way he’d always felt whenever Tatiana was near.

She was standing in the entry in front of the foundation’s banner, already surrounded by photographers. Between the circus her life had to have become the day after her Oscar nomination and the way things had been left between them that morning, he’d been absolutely certain she wouldn’t show. Any other woman would have stayed away, would have nursed her fury at him, or at least celebrated her own success by letting the world fawn over her.

But not only had Tatiana kept her word by coming to the fundraiser...she looked positively incredible. Through the excited crowd he could catch only flashes of her beautiful face, her long, red-blond hair curling softly over one shoulder, but it was enough to see that she was glowing. Sensual. Sparkling.

No one would ever guess that just hours before, she’d cried as she walked home in the rain. She’d tried to hide her tears, but he’d seen them, and knowing he was the reason for them only made him more convinced that he needed to stay away from her.

He’d already hurt one woman by thinking he was capable of giving her the love she needed, only to neglect her when he just didn’t have it in him to be a true husband or partner. Ian would never forgive himself if he did anything more to damage Tatiana’s bright, positive outlook on life and love. She not only deserved love, but she also deserved to find it with a guy who would devote everything he was to her.

After a long while, when it was clear that the photographers would never feel that they had enough pictures of her, Joyce carefully escorted Tatiana away from the group.

That was when Ian finally saw what she was wearing.

Almost nothing.

Her dress was barely more than a shiny scrap of gold fabric. Thin straps hung from her shoulders as if by a thread above a bodice that dipped way too low and clung much too tightly to her luscious breasts. A slim belt wrapped around her waist, and the shimmering fabric highlighted her hourglass figure as it hugged her hips. And her legs...

Lord, how was he ever going to forget what it felt like to have her perfect legs wrapped around him as she urged him to take her harder, faster? As she’d begged for more.

He’d seen pictures of her in the past with his cousin at their film premiere and had been in Napa with her at the family wedding months earlier. But he’d never seen her wear something so revealing, so purely sensual.

Last night, especially once he’d realized the harsh way he’d taken her virginity, he’d wanted to make it up to her by showing her the kind of deep pleasure her body was capable of. Of course, he’d desperately wanted to know her pleasures for himself, too.

Tonight, she was embracing her sensuality in a way she never had before. And if he saw it, Ian knew everyone else must see it, too.

She was still elegant, still sweet...but overlying both was pure sex.

He’d believed—or hoped, at least—that as soon as they’d had a few hours to cool off away from each other, he’d be able to think things through in the same calculated manner he would an investment gone wrong. That way, he could make the necessary corrections to set everything straight again and minimize loss and suffering for everyone involved.

Only, despite the fact that he hadn’t seen her since that morning, and that his day in the office had been one of the busiest he could remember, Tatiana hadn’t been out of his thoughts for one single second.

All day long, he’d thought about the way she’d trusted him with both her heart and body. He’d replayed, again and again, the way she’d laughed in the bathtub with him. He’d remembered how perfectly she’d fit against him as she’d fallen asleep in his arms. And his gut had twisted every time he’d remembered the way her face had fallen when he’d hurt her in the morning.

He’d sworn up and down that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her more. He’d vowed to remain rational no matter what. And, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t give in to the desperate urge to kiss her, to make love with her, ever again...even if it damn near killed him.

But that had been before she decided to show up at the fundraiser wearing the sexiest excuse for a dress he’d ever seen. All his vows to remain rational, to focus on what he could do to make things up to her, vanished as she stood in front of hundreds of people with every single one of her lush curves on mouthwatering display. Surely, Joyce could find Tatiana a sweater, or some sort of cashmere wrap, to at least throw around her shoulders. It wouldn’t help with the length of leg she was currently showing, but it would be better than the current situation, where every man between the ages of twenty and eighty was drooling over her cleavage.

Ian had never been a jealous man. Even with his ex-wife, who was indisputably beautiful, he’d never felt the need to hide her away from everyone else. But yet again, where Tatiana was concerned, one look at her was all it took to scramble his brain.

And right now, all Ian could think was that he wanted to keep her all to himself.

But the crush of bodies was tight enough in her wake, and so many important donors stopped him to say hello, that by the time he finally got back inside the ballroom, instead of being able to find her to convince her to cover up, it was time to announce the silent auction that would provide the bulk of this year’s funding for the important programs the foundation ran. A job that was too important, that impacted too many people, for him to screw up because he couldn’t stop thinking about Tatiana.

At the microphone, he took a moment to look out over the crowd of people who had gathered in support of the organization and thank them for coming before launching into his speech.

“Ten years ago, the Seattle Family Foundation asked me if I would come and speak at one of their first fundraising events. When I wasn’t able to accept due to a scheduling conflict, they asked me if I would come down to one of their classes and help out there, instead. I was so impressed with both the skills being taught by the excellent instructors and the students’ thirst for knowledge that I hired three of them on the spot. Over the years, I’ve worked with a lot of outreach organizations, and I can tell you from personal experience that the Seattle Family Foundation is one of the very best. Tonight, I hope each and every one of you will think about the people you care about most, the loved ones that you would do anything to support, and do whatever you can to help them continue to provide families with the financial, educational, and career support right when they need it most.”

As soon as he stepped off the stage, Ian was surrounded by potential donors with questions, as well as checks and verbal IOUs. Finally, the crowd thinned and Joyce handed him a glass of champagne.

“Thank you so much, Ian, for everything you’ve done to help us. It looks like we’re going to have our highest operating budget so far to work with next year.” She gestured toward the dance floor. “And thanks to Tatiana and the fact that the press has been going absolutely wild for her, I’m certain far more people will be hearing about us than ever have before. In addition to all the photos, she did a few interviews on our behalf, and was positively eloquent.”

On autopilot, Ian made all the right responses to Joyce before she walked away to deal with the auctioneer. At least, he hoped he did. Because from the moment he looked out onto the dance floor and saw Tatiana in Quinn Patrick’s arms, Ian hadn’t been able to focus on anything other than tearing her out of them.

Quinn was suave, rich, and between wives. Even a blind man could see that the two of them looked great together. This was exactly the kind of guy Ian had known that Tatiana and her slinky, barely-there dress would attract. Some mogul who wouldn’t care about her intelligence, her talent, her kindness. All he’d want Tatiana for was to be a stunning trophy who was hot in the sack.

Blood rushed in Ian’s ears as he made a beeline for the center of the dance floor where the two of them were now holding court, cameras continuing to flash as they captured every seductive move Tatiana made in the other man’s arms.

He had been working on loosening Quinn’s pockets for the foundation for months. When Ian stole Tatiana away in the middle of their dance, Quinn would likely be furious enough that he wouldn’t give one red cent of his fortune to the charity, but Ian didn’t care. Not when the dirtbag was holding Tatiana too tightly and his hands were too close to the swell of her hips.

Ian would make up the difference himself—would double it—if it meant getting her out of the guy’s arms.