Текст книги "Just To Be With You"

Автор книги: Bella Andre

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

The sound of giggling outside woke Ian up. “Sounds like we have a couple of little visitors outside.”

Tatiana made a sleepy sound of agreement, then pressed a kiss to the arm he had slung over her body and pushed off the covers so that they could both get out of bed to put on jeans and T-shirts. Her hair was a tangle of curls and her eyes were still heavy-lidded with sleep as she walked over to the door and opened it with a smile.

The little black and white dog bounded in first. Two young twins, a boy and girl that Ian figured were probably around four years old, were staring up at her with big eyes. “You’re pretty,” the little girl said.

“So are you,” Tatiana said as she squatted down to come face to face with the children.

“I’m Sadie. This is Jamie. He’s my brother.”

“I’m Tatiana.” She gestured behind her. “That’s Ian.”

The boy held out a basket of eggs. “We are supposed to bring you these.”

“Our chickens made them,” Sadie informed them both.

“Wow.” Tatiana smiled over her shoulder at Ian. “Look at the marvelous gift our new friends just brought us.” She turned back to the kids. “Does your mommy or daddy know you’re here?”

“Mummy is the one who sent us,” Jamie said as if it should have been obvious. “She said not to bother you, though.”

“Oh, that’s the last thing you could ever do. I’m just happy Ian and I will have someone to share all these eggs with. Do you like to eat them raw or do you think I should cook them?”

They both made a face at the first suggestion, then hollered, “You have to cook them!” in unison, though Sadie had to tell her, “Once I saw my uncle put a raw egg in a drink.”

“Did you ever do that, Ian, to pump up those muscles of yours?”

“Rafe dared me to drink a full glass of raw eggs once.” He shook his head, laughing at himself. “It was disgusting, but he did end up doing my chores for a week when I won the bet, so it was worth it.”

While Tatiana went into the kitchen to start cooking up eggs and bacon for all of them, the kids immediately ran over to the cabinet in the corner and pulled out a box filled with Lego pieces.

“I know how to build a car,” Jamie told Ian.

“I can make an airplane,” Sadie one-upped her brother as she sat crossed-legged on the hooked rug on the pine floor and dug her little hands into the Legos to dump a bunch all around her. “Want me to show you how?”

“You bet.” Ian found a spot on the rug between the kids, both of them talking over each other as they tried to show him the best way to put together a moving vehicle out of the scratched-up, worn Legos in the plastic box. Between Ian and his brothers, they’d probably had nearly every set of Legos as kids, and soon he was reaching over the dog on his lap into the box to make a spaceship of his own.

“I can’t get these two pieces apart!” Sadie whined, so he put down his own creation and focused on helping her with hers.

The way the little girl went from zero to sixty, from happy to frustrated in the blink of an eye, reminded him of his sister Mia when she’d been little. They hadn’t played much with Legos, but she’d been a whiz at Chutes and Ladders and, when she was a little older, Battleship. Oh yes, he thought with a grin, she’d loved to sink his ships.

He looked up, then, to find Tatiana smiling as she watched the three of them and the puppy play together on the floor. “I should have known making Lego spaceships would be yet another talent of yours,” she teased him.

Her skin was flushed from the steam rising off the pans on the little stove top, the small hairs around her forehead curling even more wildly than the others. A little Lego truck driving up his arm made him turn away, but not before he read with perfect clarity the emotion in her green eyes.

More than once she’d told him she loved him. More than once he’d told her it was impossible, that love couldn’t come that fast. But when she called out to them that bacon and eggs were ready and the kids dashed over to squeeze around the small table, moving behind her to stroke her hair and press a kiss to the top of her head was the most natural thing in the world.

Being here with Tatiana was so simple—board games and splashing in puddles and laughing at old movies. Life hadn’t been this normal or this fun for him since he was a kid. Being with other women had always meant fancy dinners, grand gestures, glittering jewels. And as he watched her help the kids settle with food and orange juice, he was struck by a sudden vision of having a life like this with Tatiana that stretched out past the storm—a life full of fun, laughter, games. She’d make every second joyful.

But just as quickly as that picture formed, he saw another one—a vision where he was too busy with work to enjoy being with her, with their kids. She’d be busy too, with her films, and tensions would surely rise when they both tried—and failed—to carve out anything extra for each other.

A knock sounded on the door and when he got up to answer it, he found a very apologetic brunette on the other side. “Sadie, Jamie, you were supposed to bring the eggs and then turn right around and come home.”

Around a mouthful of eggs and bacon, Jamie said, “They asked us to stay.”

Sadie pointed at the pile of Legos on the floor. “Ian needed us to show him how to build a spaceship.”

“I did. They’re great kids. I’m Ian, by the way, and this is Tatiana.”

The twins’ mother’s eyes went wide as she finally caught sight of Tatiana. “I’m Kelly. It’s so nice to meet you both. And I’m sorry again for the intrusion. Tim thought it would be nice if we dropped off some eggs for you. I thought the kids were back down with the horses, otherwise I would have come looking for them earlier.”

“We really enjoyed them,” Tatiana said with the gentle smile she gave people when she knew they were nervous around her. She gestured to the food. “I’d love it if you could join us.”

“Oh, I really wish I could, but we’ve got to get going to preschool.” The woman flushed even deeper. “I can’t believe I’m asking this, but is there any way I could maybe get a picture with you?”

“Absolutely. In fact, why don’t we do a big family shot together?”

Ian took Kelly’s phone and snapped several pictures with it, then just as he had at the warehouse visit, did the same with Tatiana’s at her request.

The power flickered a couple of times during their impromptu photo shoot and before she and the kids and the puppy left, Kelly said, “Looks like the power might finally go. There are some lanterns just down the stairs if you end up needing them.”

* * *

They’d only just finished washing the dishes when the lights did indeed go out. Ian had already brought the lanterns up and when he turned them on, the room was bathed in a soft glow that made everything seem even more unreal that it already was.

“You were so great with those kids.” Tatiana moved into his arms as though it was the place she was meant to be. “You were concentrating just as hard on those Legos as you do in your meetings dealing with millions of dollars.”

“Building a spaceship is serious business.”

She laughed as she laid her cheek against his chest. There was no music playing in the room, but the sound of the rain hitting the roof had enough of a beat for them to dance to in the kitchen.

“I’ve had a really good time here with you, Ian.”

“So have I.”

And as they danced by the lantern’s light on the old wood floor with the rain falling outside, Ian knew he’d never been this happy in all his life. No amount of money, no amount of power or wealth had ever given him what this beautiful woman always gave so effortlessly, so endlessly.

But even as they danced, he could hear the rain starting to slow.

He pulled her closer, held her tighter, wishing that the rain could just keep falling, that the fog would continue to shroud them forever, that the wind would always blow hard enough to keep airplanes out of the sky.

Here in the storm, on the island everything had been so simple. He’d been a man falling head over heels for a beautiful woman with a heart so pure, so sweet, that it humbled him...and made him see everything with new eyes.

Even—as their dance transformed from sweet to sinful in the span of one kiss and he drew her across the room past the Legos and old movies to the bed—love.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Tatiana woke from their late-morning, post-sex nap to the shine of bright sun pouring in the windows. But when she reached out for Ian, his side of the bed was empty. Rolling over, she found him sitting in the chair at the foot of the bed by the window, staring out into the beautiful day and looking utterly grim.

Her chest clenched even as her heart felt fuller than it ever had. She hadn’t known it was possible to love someone so much, so deeply, that she could almost swear she could feel his emotions roll through her.

Pushing the covers off, she moved naked onto his lap. He’d pulled on his jeans, but his chest was bare. When he automatically put his arms around her to draw her closer, she leaned into his warmth, his strength.

She didn’t say anything, just listened to the steady beat of his heart and breathed him in. He already knew what was in her heart. Today, she guessed, he would finally tell her what was in his.

“When we leave this room today,” he finally said, “when we walk into the sunshine, when we get back on the plane, everything is going to be different.”

She couldn’t deny that everything was about to change. She’d heard the rain ease off when they’d been dancing together earlier. And the way he’d just made love to her, so sweetly, so reverently...hadn’t she known that he’d been touching her as if he was afraid that it was the last time?

So many times since they’d landed on the island and she’d promised not to speak about what had happened on Thursday or Friday, she’d barely been able to keep from blurting out everything she was feeling. But now, with their entire future hanging in the balance, she couldn’t find a single word. All she could do was bury her face in his neck and press her hand flat over Ian’s chest to count the beats of his heart.

“I don’t want this to be the end for us, Tatiana. I can’t imagine going through a day without seeing your smile, without touching you and having you in my bed, without laughing with you.”

Tatiana knew she should have been over the moon, should have been jumping for joy. But Ian didn’t look happy about what he was saying to her. On the contrary, he looked as grim now as he had when she’d woken up.

And she could see how conflicted he was still, as he brushed a hand over her hair, looked into her eyes, and said, “I love you.”

Tatiana was certain her heart stopped beating and her lungs stopped pumping as the three words she’d been dreaming of hearing Ian say echoed in the room. It should have been because everything was perfect. She’d assumed that if he ever confessed his love to her, it would be a perfect moment she’d want to capture so that she could replay it over and over forever.

But no matter how much she wished she could fool herself into believing everything was perfect, she couldn’t. Especially not when he lifted his hands to her face and held her gently, as if he was worried she might break under the pressure.

“I love you,” he said again, “and I can’t make any promises right now, but—” He paused, a muscle jumping in his cheek. “I want to try.”

His I love you, she realized, had come so much easier than this, than the I want to try that he’d nearly had to yank out of his own throat.

“I want to try, Tatiana,” he said again. “I want to try to love you the way you should be loved.”

She already knew just how he’d do it. How he’d try to work fewer hours for her. How he’d try to put up with her Hollywood events. How he’d try to be the man he thought she wanted and needed him to be.

And she also knew that no matter how many times she told him she didn’t need him to do any of those things, he would never believe she meant it when she said that all she needed was for him to be himself.

All that would ultimately happen was that he’d end up being completely, totally miserable. And so would she. Only this time she would be the guilty one, because she would know that she could have stopped him from making all those mistakes.

By leaving.

Now. Today. Before they walked out of this room, before they stood in the sunshine, before they got back on his plane heading for the real world.

Untangling her limbs from his and moving off his lap was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, but she couldn’t keep touching him and say what she knew she had to say. Couldn’t be that close to him and do what she knew she needed to do.

“I know it should be enough,” she said softly, speaking as much to herself as to him. “I know all my dreams should be coming true. But—” She reached blindly behind her for the bedcover to draw over her bare shoulders. “—I love you too much to ever want loving me to be that difficult, or for you to think you have to try to become something you’re not.”

She could see how surprised he was by her response, and worse, how hurt. Especially when he stood to reach for her and she instinctively shrank back.

“I wasn’t looking for you, Tatiana. I didn’t see you coming. I didn’t expect you to burst into my life and turn it upside down. But I’m not sorry that you did, that you have. These past few days with you have been the best of my life, but everything has happened so fast between us that I still can’t see yet how things are going to work in the real world. I want to try to see if they can.”

So much of her wanted that, too. But she knew better. “Can’t you see? It’s exactly what you did with your ex-wife. You tried to make a relationship work around your job and what she wanted from you. It didn’t work, and I love you too much to let you make those mistakes again.”

“You were the one who first said you’re nothing like my ex,” he argued. “And neither are the two of us when we’re together. Not even close.”

“All along, you’ve been worried that you would hurt me, that I’d end up crushed and you’d end up guilty. Are you telling me that all of those worries are gone now?” When he didn’t immediately reply, her heart sank even lower than it had already fallen. She asked in a soft voice, “Or was I right to feel that those worries, those fears, were still lying in wait beneath everything we’ve shared here on this island, in this room? They are the real reasons why you don’t want to make me any promises, aren’t they? Not because it’s all happened so fast.”

She’d thought the hardest thing she’d ever done was to leave his arms a few minutes ago, but when his continued silence and bleak expression gave her his answer, Tatiana now knew it was much, much harder not to move back into his arms to give him comfort.

But love, Tatiana had always known, would be all or nothing for her. It was why she’d waited so long to sleep with a man—until she was certain that he was the one. She would never be happy, truly happy, with halfway. And neither would Ian. After more than a week in close quarters with him, she knew that he never moved forward with a business deal unless he was absolutely, positively sure that it was the right move to make. At which point he never looked back. He would never try to win a client or take over an industry. He would simply do it without ever second-guessing himself.

Love—and forever—would be no different for him.

“I love you, Tatiana. Why can’t knowing that be enough for now?”

His words tore at her resolve, but it didn’t change the fact that enough couldn’t ever be. Not for either of them.

“During the storm,” she said in as steady a voice as she could manage, “there were moments when you forgot to be on guard, when you forgot about your fear of hurting me or letting me down, and we were close. So close. Those moments showed me what it’s like to have all of you. Or nearly all, at least. I can’t go backward when what I really want, what I really need, is for those moments to grow and build into minutes, hours, weeks, years. And I know now that I was unfair to you when I told you I would wait, that I would just keep holding on until you came around. I thought I could, I swear I did, and maybe I could have if we hadn’t been caught in the storm.” Her eyeballs ached from the pressure of all the tears threatening to fall. “But now that I know just how much there could be, how much love can be, I also know that anything less would break me apart.”

“The last thing I’d ever want is to break you, sweetheart.”

“I know.” His endearment hit her straight in the center of her heart, just as it had every time he’d said it to her before. And, oh, how she longed to be back in his arms, even as she said, “So that’s why I’m leaving before you do.”

“Tatiana—”

The guilt etched into the beautiful lines of his face made her forget to keep her distance for a moment as she took his hand in hers. “You never asked me to fall in love with you. You never promised me anything. You warned me that you weren’t ready to love anyone, that you didn’t think you’d ever be ready. But I was, so I chose not to listen, and to love you with everything I am. I don’t regret it, not any of it. And you shouldn’t feel guilty for anything that happened between us.” Every single part of her ached as she looked into his dark eyes. “Being here with you on the island has been the perfect fairy tale. But you were right when you told me fairy tales aren’t real. We both have real lives, great ones full of family and work and friends that we love. I don’t want you to give all of that up. Not for me, or anyone else. I want you to have it all, Ian, and I want to have it all, too. Amazing, fulfilling careers along with love that’s big enough and strong enough not just to deal with, but to celebrate, in all of the messiness of real life.”

That was when she made herself draw back from him, made herself force a smile and say, “Speaking of messy, I’m going to go hop in the shower so that we can get out of here before the weather changes again.”

And before her tears began to fall again...

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

By now, they both needed to get back to Seattle—Ian to close the deal with Flynn and Tatiana to begin production on her new movie—so the trip to Alaska was shelved for another day. During the flight, she made notes on her script while he worked on his laptop. He offered her something to drink and she politely declined it. He asked if she needed to do another read-through and she said she thought she finally had it under control thanks to his earlier help.

The flight back was as smooth as the trip there had been rough, which should have been great news...and yet…Ian found himself wishing that they’d hit rough air again so that he could have another chance to hold Tatiana’s hands and be close to her.

With every mile they covered, as the distance between them grew bigger and bigger, Ian knew that all he would need to do to make her change her mind about leaving him was to pull her back into his arms and kiss her. One kiss and she’d feel, she’d remember, what was between them—how extraordinary it was. And then she’d come back to him and give him the chance he’d all but begged for, and he wouldn’t have to face the thought of a night without her in his arms.

But how could he do that when he knew she’d done exactly the right thing by getting out before he eventually destroyed the light inside her?

Finally, the plane landed, but once they’d both unbuckled and stood, Tatiana stayed standing before him. “Ian—” Her mouth trembled and she pressed her lips together for a moment before continuing. “Before we get off the plane and the real world swallows us up, can I ask you a few last questions?” She laughed a little then, but he could hear how shaken she was beneath it. “Really, I mean it this time. These will be my last ones.”

“Anything, Tatiana.”

“If I call you tonight. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Will you promise not to pick up? And if—” Tears welled up in her beautiful eyes. “—if I come by your office, if I tell you I need to do more research, will you promise not to let me in?” She lowered her head to brush tears away. “And if you find me standing on the tarmac again waiting to spin you a tale about needing to get on your plane with you for a role, will you promise not to fall for it?” She pulled her canvas bag up and held it in front of her chest like a shield. “One day I hope I’ll be my old self again and the memories will have faded enough that I’ll be strong enough to resist you on my own. But until then...I’m going to need your help, and your promises, not to fall for any other ideas I might come up with in the middle of the night when I’m missing you like crazy.”

He’d told her he’d do anything for her. But he hadn’t known—hadn’t truly known what it was like to love until now. Not until the most beautiful woman in the world stood so close and just out of reach, at the same time as she asked him to help her stay away from him.

It nearly killed him to say the words, “I promise.”

He watched as she forced the corners of her lips up. “Thank you.” But she still didn’t walk away. “I also wanted to wish you good luck with your meeting with Flynn today, although I know you won’t need it. He’s going to sign the deal.” Her smile was genuine now. “And I’m going to be so, so happy for you when he does. Let him know I said hello.”

When she finally turned to go, Ian felt as though his insides were tearing in two. “I don’t need to do the deal, Tatiana.” She turned back to him in shock as he said, “If I walk away from it, I’ll have more time to spend with you.”

Tatiana had surprised him right from the very first time he’d met her, but even though he now knew her better than he’d ever known anyone else, the very last thing he expected to see on her face was anger.

“Would you ever ask me to give up acting?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why do you think I would ever in a million years want you to give up on your own dreams?” She shook her head. “I saw firsthand how excited you are about Flynn’s company, and about working personally with him. I know how much you thrive on your work, and I love that you do. Can’t you see that you’ve never let me, or anyone else, down before by being true to yourself? But if you blow this deal on purpose, if you walk away from working directly with Flynn after you gave him your word, all because you can’t get it through your thick skull that you’re already perfect just the way you are...well, then, you won’t just be letting me down. You’ll be letting yourself down, too.”

As she turned for the door and he followed her, he felt like he was watching them both on screen, like all of this was happening in a movie, rather than his real life. Because how could he have finally found something so beautiful, so incredible, and then lost it so quickly?

“T!”

Tatiana had called Valentina to let her know they were finally coming back to Seattle, and now Valentina and Smith were standing at the bottom of the steps waiting to fold Tatiana into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re back safe and sound.” Ian watched Valentina brush the hair back from Tatiana’s forehead so that she could look into her sister’s face to make sure she really, truly was okay. “But you’re crying. Why are you crying?”

“I’m just so happy to see you.”

Valentina pulled her sister closer and lifted her questioning gaze to Ian’s face. He’d barely been able to hide what he felt for Tatiana a week ago.

Now he simply didn’t have a prayer.

Valentina paled even as Smith, who had clearly already put two and two together, came forward with hands curled into fists.

“What the hell, Ian?”

His cousin was clearly spoiling for a fight, but when Tatiana said something in a voice that was too soft for Ian to make out, Valentina cut Smith off with a hand on his arm. “Tatiana’s ready to head home now.”

* * *

Tatiana sat in Smith and Valentina’s living room on a soft chair under a blanket with a cup of tea in her hand. They’d both been kind enough to give her some space on the drive over and to let her settle in for a few minutes while they spoke softly to one other in the kitchen.

About her and Ian, of course.

When they both finally moved hand in hand to sit on the couch kitty corner to her, Tatiana suddenly realized that everything really had changed. It wasn’t just she and her sister anymore. Valentina and Smith were a team in all things now, even loving and protecting her.

“Are you ready to talk about it yet?” Valentina asked gently.

No she wasn’t. Not even close, but seeing how worried her sister and Smith were, she knew she had to at least say something. “I’m in love with Ian. But I’m pretty sure both of you already got that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, when we were on the phone last week?”

“I wanted to tell you, Val. I almost did, but I knew what you’d say.” She looked at Smith. “What you’d both say. That you’d tell me to keep my distance. And—” She held up a hand to beat them to it. “That you’d only be saying it because you love me.”

“We do,” Smith said, “so much that we hate to see you looking this way now.”

“I know I’m a mess,” she agreed, “so you’re probably not going to believe me when I say that loving Ian was the best thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.”

Valentina moved from Smith’s side to put her arms around her, and by the time Tatiana finally looked up from her sister’s comforting arms, Smith was gone.

* * *

Ian wasn’t at all surprised when Smith walked into his office and slammed the door behind him, snarling, “You should have stayed away from her.”

He stood, figuring he’d make it easier for his cousin to do what needed to be done. “I know.”

“What the hell is wrong with you, leading her on like that, making her fall so in love with you that I’m pretty sure she’s going to be pissed at me for coming here to beat the crap out of you?”

“I’m in love with her, too. And you should beat the crap out of me.”

“You’d better believe I’m planning on—” Smith broke off. “Wait, what did you just say?”

“You should beat the crap out of me.” Ian had the most important meeting of his career in a couple of minutes, but he’d just have to do his best to clean up the mess Smith was going to make of his face before he headed into it.

“No, before that.”

“I love her.”

“Jesus.” Smith ran a hand over his face in obvious confusion. “I don’t get it. She loves you. You love her. So what’s the problem?”

Bethany knocked once before letting herself in. “Ian, Smith, I’m so sorry to interrupt, but Flynn is here.” She shot Ian the same concerned look she’d given him when he’d returned to the office thirty minutes ago. Clearly, he looked as bad as he felt. “I thought you might like to know that he’s already looking at his watch.”

Having missed their previously scheduled meeting this morning when Ian couldn’t get off the island in time, Flynn had shifted his own tight schedule to come again this afternoon. If Ian stood him up a second time, it was likely he’d feel he’d just been jerked around by another investment company. If that happened, it was unlikely Flynn would come back to Sullivan Investments.

Ian couldn’t stand the thought of Tatiana crying over him, couldn’t stand not being there to take her into his arms and soothe her. If he left now, he could be with her in fifteen minutes. But though seeing her again, touching her again, would make him feel better, he knew with perfect certainty that she would be absolutely infuriated.

“If you blow this deal on purpose, if you walk away from working directly with Flynn after you gave him your word, all because you can’t get it through your thick skull that you’re already perfect just the way you are...well, then, you won’t just be letting me down. You’ll be letting yourself down, too.”

Turning to Bethany, Ian said, “Let Flynn know I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

His assistant nodded and closed the door behind her with a soft click.

Smith stared at him like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “I just want to make sure I’ve got this straight. You’re in love with an amazing woman who’s currently crying in her sister’s arms over you, but instead of doing anything and everything you can right this very second to convince her you’re sorry for screwing everything up and won’t make the same mistakes again, you’re in here getting ready for a meeting.” Smith shook his head. “I’ve figured out the problem. You’re an idiot. You were a good man once. What the hell happened to you that makes you think this—” He gestured to Ian’s office. “—is what really matters?” With that, his cousin left the same way he came in, with a good, hard slam of Ian’s office door.

Ian knew that Tatiana had risked everything for him. Getting in his face with her questions when no one else would. Loving him when he’d repeatedly tried to push her away. And then walking away for both their sakes when he didn’t have the strength to do it.

The very least he could do for her was not let her down now.

* * *

“Where’s Tatiana? Isn’t she still supposed to be shadowing you?”

Of course that would be the first thing Flynn wanted to know. The other man had clearly been smitten with her during last week’s meeting and he’d only gotten to speak with her for a few minutes. Lord, if he only knew how sweet it was to hear her laugh over a bad movie, or how good it felt to dance with her to the beat of the rain in the middle of the kitchen, or the way she held absolutely nothing back while making love....

“Tatiana couldn’t be here today, but she says hello, and—” He paused before deciding to tell the other man, “she also hoped we’d be agreeing to a deal today. So do I.”

Flynn took his measure. “You look really tired, and with you missing our meeting yesterday because you had other meetings out of town that couldn’t wait, I’ve got to ask: Are you sure you’ve got the time to give to my company?”

Ian laughed, then, all pretense of holding it together gone. “You want to know the honest to God truth? No, I don’t have the time. I haven’t had the time in over a decade. Longer than that. But I’m going to make the time for your company. Not only because I gave you my word that I would, but also because I haven’t been this excited about working with someone else in a very long time.”