Текст книги "Our Little Secret"

Автор книги: Ashelyn Drake

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Chapter Seventeen

I swallow hard and wait for Toby to explain, but he looks between Meredith and me like he’s trying to decide what to do. He can’t possibly be thinking about telling Tori the truth. Not now. Not with Meredith and Ryder here. Tori will flip out and they’ll be witnesses.

“What’s up, man? You lose your voice or something?” Ryder walks over and claps Toby on the back.

Toby shakes his head and clears his throat. “No, I’m fine.” He meets Tori’s eyes. “Becca and I were studying, and then Meredith came over.”

“Why?” Tori narrows her eyes at him.

“Yeah, Toby.” Meredith gives him a great big smile. “Tell her why I’m here.” Her voice is sickeningly sweet.

Toby takes a deep breath. “I asked Meredith to come over because I realized I made a mistake breaking up with her. She agreed to give me another chance.”

Tori pushes Toby into the dining room for privacy, but she’s practically screaming, so it’s pointless. “What the hell? Meredith is a mega bitch! Why would you get back together with her? My God, you have the worst taste in girls!” She storms out of the dining room, not even giving him a chance to explain, and takes Ryder’s hand, pulling him upstairs.

“That went well,” Meredith says.

“Get out.” I’ve had enough. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with my feelings for Toby and what that will mean for my friendship with Tori. I don’t need Meredith’s crap right now.

Toby steps out of the dining room and shrugs at me.

“I don’t think so, Becca. Toby and I have a date tonight. Isn’t that right, Toby?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll keep up appearances at school, but I’m not hanging out with you on weekends.”

“And how would that look? Weekends are for dating. So. Let’s. Go.” She says the words slowly, making sure Toby hears them loud and clear.

I look at Toby. I get that he wants to take a stand against Meredith¸ but I can’t lose him like this—even if it’s going to tear me apart inside to watch him pretend to be Meredith’s boyfriend. “Go to a movie. You won’t even have to talk to her.”

“What about—?”

I hold my hand up to stop him. Our date today is already ruined. “The sooner you start dating her again, the sooner this can all end.” I grab my jacket and walk to the door because my heart can’t handle any more today.

“Becca,” Toby calls after me.

I open the door and turn back to him, which is a huge mistake because the look in his eyes makes my insides ache.

“I know this is all Hollywood movie cliché, but will you wait for me?”

I manage a small smile and nod. I’ve waited for him for three years. What’s a few more weeks?

***

I don’t get out of bed for the rest of the weekend. Mom asks if I’m sick again. Yeah, sick of lying, sick of sneaking around, sick of not being able to tell the world that I like Toby Michaels. I’m not looking forward to school on Monday and the big reunion between Toby and Meredith. Even though I know it’s not real, it’s still going to be painful to watch. With how popular they are, it will be all anyone is talking about. It’s not fair that a bitch like Meredith is getting exactly what she wants.

Monday morning my alarm goes off for the third time and Mom walks in.

“What’s going on? You never hit the snooze button.” She sits down on my bed and puts her hand on my forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

“Didn’t sleep well?”

“Not really.” It’s hard to sleep when I picture Meredith draped over Toby every time I close my eyes.

“You want to stay home today?”

So tempting, but I can’t stay home for weeks, and that’s how long Toby is going to have to pretend to date Meredith. I might as well get used to it now. Drive the knife straight through my heart rather than ease it in inch by inch. “No. I’m getting up.” I take a quick shower because it’s all I have time for and grab a granola bar to eat on the way to school. Tori isn’t at my locker waiting for me. Guess she’s at Ryder’s locker, or he’s at hers. She finally got the guy she was pining over. I guess things do work out for some people. Apparently I’m just not one of them.

The crowd is gathering at the other end of the hall, and Meredith’s shrieky voice carries to me. I slam my locker shut and turn away before I have to witness the reunion. I hope Toby can get through this, but I also hope he’s miserable doing it. I don’t want him to enjoy any part of being with Meredith. I know it’s selfish and I should want these next few weeks to be as painless as possible for him, but he’s supposed to be with me. I don’t want him to forget that.

I barely see Tori all day, and that sucks because we really need to talk about the crappy way she cut Allison out of my life. She and Ryder even sit together at lunch, which is weird since Ryder sits with Toby—and Meredith. They’re an awkward foursome, but I can’t help thinking that Tori is enjoying being in the popular crowd for once. Maybe she and Toby will actually start getting along and sharing friends. That might make her more open to Toby and me dating…when this is all over.

Mr. Rollar passes out a quiz in trig, and I’m surprised when I actually know all the answers. I’d be happy, but my heart is too crushed to feel anything but hurt. No, that’s not true. I also feel jealousy and self-pity. I hand in my quiz when the bell rings. Mr. Rollar scans it and smiles at me.

“Nice work, Miss Daniels. I see the extra tutoring sessions with Mr. Michaels are paying off. Seems like you two make a good pair.”

If only he knew.

The rest of my week is more of the same torture. I can’t avoid Meredith and Toby all the time, so I’m forced to watch them hold hands and walk to every class together. I even catch a few kisses in the halls. Even though Toby is always tight-lipped, my heart tears. Our evening study sessions are few and far between because Meredith is filling Toby’s schedule. She doesn’t want people to know he’s tutoring me, so whenever they get invited to a movie or after-school meal, she makes Toby take her.

By Friday, I’m officially done. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do anything about the Toby-Meredith situation but I can do something about Tori. She owes me an explanation for the Allison thing. I show up at her house unannounced and find her in her room.

“Tell me why you thought it was okay to end my friendship with Allison without even talking to me about it,” I demand, stepping into her room and crossing my arms.

She raises a brow at me. “Are you seriously still mad about that?”

“Yes!” Why doesn’t she see it’s totally crappy of her to pick my friends for me? “It wasn’t your decision—”

“I know.” Her voice softens, and she suddenly looks on the verge of tears. “I thought I was doing you a favor, protecting you from someone who’d toss you aside for a guy. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway?”

“That’s not the point. Maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with Allison anymore, but it was my decision to make, not yours.”

She nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just got so mad that she chose Toby over me, you know? A real friend wouldn’t have done that.”

Crap. This was supposed to make her see that she was wrong. Instead, I feel awful because I’m sneaking around behind her back. I’m no better than Allison. All I can do is nod, which she takes as an acceptance of her apology.

“So are you and Toby finished planning my surprise party?” she asks, spinning in her desk chair as if we never fought.

“Sort of.” Her birthday is next Saturday, and I don’t even know where this party is taking place. I haven’t gotten her a gift yet or sent out invites.

“I haven’t seen you two study much. Did you grow out of your tutor?”

I shrug and keep my eyes down so she can’t see the tears forming in them. “He’s busy with Meredith. Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure. I know Toby isn’t exactly an interesting topic. Sorry to bore you.”

Up until last weekend, he was my favorite topic. I take a deep breath and blink back my tears. “How are things with Ryder?”

She stops spinning and gives me a huge smile. “So good.” She drags the words out.

I force a smile. “That’s great. And you guys are spending a lot of time with Toby and Meredith.” Damn it. Why can’t I stop thinking about them?

“I know. It was totally weird at first, but Meredith isn’t all bad.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

She picks up a pen from her desk and chucks it at me. “Yes! She’s awful. But Ryder likes her and Toby, so I get through it.”

“You really like him, huh?”

She nods. “More than I thought I would.”

“I’m really happy for you, Tori.”

“I know you are, because you’re my best friend.” She’s right. So maybe she would’ve been happy for me if I was honest with her about my feelings for Toby. Maybe I created this mess for no reason. Tori and I are better friends than she and Allison were, aren’t we?

Toby knocks on the door. “Becca, you want to hit the books tonight?”

“But it’s Friday night,” Tori says. “Why aren’t you going to Jeff’s party?”

He shrugs. “Meredith wasn’t feeling well.”

“Let me guess. She has cramps. She was extra bitchy today.” Tori laughs.

“Maybe,” Toby says.

“Ooh, trouble in paradise already?” Tori asks.

Toby ignores her. “So, Becca, what do you say?” He looks hopeful. We haven’t hung out since Saturday. I’m dying to be alone with him, but after the week I’ve had, I don’t know if I can handle it. Even though he was only pretending, he still spent the week kissing Meredith instead of me. I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.

“Go study. I have to get ready. Ryder’s picking me up in an hour.” Tori grabs her towel and ushers me out the door. I guess I don’t have a choice. I follow Toby to his room.

“I don’t even have my trig book, you know,” I say, stepping into his room.

He shuts the door and whirls around to face me. “Good.” He pulls me into him and presses his lips against mine. Everything I’ve felt for the past week comes crashing down on me. I can’t keep it in anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks, and he pulls away.

“Whoa, that wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.”

I shake my head and wipe my face with my fingers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this.” I sit down on his bed and pull my knees to my chest. The ache inside me is overwhelming. “It was actually better when you didn’t even know I liked you. When I didn’t know you liked me.”

“Don’t say that.” He sits next to me and rubs my back.

I raise my head to look at him. “You have no idea what it’s like to watch you be with her.”

“But you know it’s just an act. I don’t care about her. All I want to do is be with you. I’ve been dying to kiss you all week. I even went to the stage every day during fifth period, hoping you’d show up.”

Part of me knew he would, which is why I avoided it. The fact that this is all an act doesn’t erase that it’s happening. “I can’t kiss you. I can’t stand the thought of kissing you after I know you’ve been kissing her.”

“When I kiss her, I feel nothing. It’s just a quick peck. Nothing.”

“Put yourself in my shoes. Would you be able to watch me kiss another guy?”

He turns away, curling his hand into a fist. “No.”

“Look. I think until this thing with Meredith is over, we need to stop whatever this is.”

“Don’t say that.” He puts his hand on my knee.

“Toby, I can’t. It’s just too hard. Once she breaks up with you, we can see if we still feel the same way about each other, but until then…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I can’t be around you.”

“Wait.” He stands up. “I was objecting to you calling our relationship ‘whatever this is,’ but you don’t want to even be around each other?”

“You think we’re in a relationship?” When did that happen?

“I was hoping we were.” He sits down again. “I’m really new to being someone’s boyfriend, but I definitely didn’t want my first attempt to be with Meredith. I hate this just as much as you do.”

I believe him. I really do, but it doesn’t change our situation. “How much longer do you think Meredith is going to make you go through with this?”

He shrugs. “I was thinking I’d start acting like a tool and hope she ends it sooner.”

“Just don’t piss her off too much. She might extend your punishment instead.”

“Good point.” He tilts my chin toward him. “So you really won’t kiss me until Meredith is history? I could wash my mouth out with soap if you want.”

I smile. “Come on. I’m not that good a kisser that you’d be willing to endure that torture.”

“I’m enduring Meredith for you. A little soap is nothing.”

I lean forward and press my lips to his. He wraps his arms around me, and I can tell he’s dying to let loose. But I keep my legs pulled into my chest, forming a barrier between us. He lets go.

“I’m not trying to punish you, you know.”

He nods. “I know. I get it.”

“Um, I sort of told your sister that we were planning a surprise party for her next weekend.”

His head yanks back. “Where did that come from?”

“It was my sorry attempt at a change of subject.” I was hoping to ease this tension between us, but it’s a major fail.

He stands up. “If I can’t touch you right now, I’m going to sit over there. Okay?” He points to his desk chair.

I nod. Distance is probably good. I’m not sure how long I can hold out either before I cave.

“So, why did you tell Tori we were throwing her a party?”

“She saw you called me and that we talked for an hour.”

“She went through my phone? I have text messages on there from you, too.”

I wave my hand. “I don’t think she saw them. She picked up your phone by mistake, and she tried to dial me. She saw my number in the call log. That’s all.”

“And she asked you about it.”

“Yup. I had to make up something.”

“A party was a smart idea.”

“Yeah, except now we need to plan it.”

“Well, I can cover the invite list. I’ll just spread the word at school. And we could have it here. It’s too late to book a place on this short notice.”

I nod. “I guess you’ll be taking Meredith.”

“I guess. Unless I get lucky and she dumps me before then. But knowing her, she’ll take my birthday and make it all about her. The girlfriend of the birthday boy.”

“You just called her your girlfriend.” The word is like a sucker punch to my heart.

“I just meant that’s how she’ll see it.”

“Right.” I feel my dinner threatening to come up. I get up and walk toward the door. “Well, I guess you have the party under control, so I’m going to head out.”

“Becca, wait.” He jumps up and reaches for me. “Please don’t go.”

“I have to.” How can he not see how this is tearing me up inside? I know he’s a guy, but come on. I shouldn’t have to spell this out for him.

“You’re not going to wait for me, are you?”

I meet his eyes, and for the first time, looking at him doesn’t make my heart flutter. “I don’t know.”

Chapter Eighteen

“Look what Toby bought for me!” Meredith holds her necklace up for her admirers to see. “Isn’t he the sweetest boyfriend ever?” She turns and smiles at him.

I study his face, trying to see if it’s true. Did he really buy her a present? Did I ruin everything Friday night when I said I wasn’t sure if I was going to wait for him?

“Hey, what’s up?” Tori leans against my locker. Ryder adjusts his bag on his shoulder and nods at me, his typical greeting.

I tilt my head in Meredith’s direction. “I guess your brother bought her a present.”

“That dick. My birthday is this weekend, and he buys her an expensive gift. All I know is, he better have spent a pretty penny on me, or he’s getting a serious ass kicking.”

“Your birthday’s this weekend?” Ryder teases. Tori elbows him in the stomach in a really playful way. They’re cute together. Too cute.

“Well, I’ve had my fill of couples for one day.”

“But it’s only seven a.m.,” Tori says.

“What’s your point?” I shut my locker. “Your party is all taken care of. Toby really handled all of it, so you can thank him.”

“Ugh, you let Toby handle it? Great. There’ll be basketball decorations, beer, and beef jerky. Thanks, Becca. You’re supposed to be my best friend. Couldn’t you have at least made sure he didn’t ruin my party?”

“First, it’s supposed to be a surprise, so we shouldn’t even be talking about this. Second, he’s always with Meredith. It’s not like I could help him plan it.”

“Then why did you involve him in the first place?”

I shrug. It’s not easy to avoid lying, no matter how hard I try. “I’ll fix it. Don’t worry.” I take off toward my class with Meredith’s squeals of joy chasing me down the hall.

I start down the stairs when someone grabs me from behind.

“Got a second?” Toby asks.

I look around at the crowded hallway. “This isn’t a good time. People can see us.”

“Then meet me fifth period. Please.” His eyes plead with me before he walks away, getting lost in the flow of traffic. I can’t help wondering how he got away from Meredith.

All morning I debate meeting Toby. I know if I’m around him, I won’t be able to end this, but a huge part of me thinks I should end it. I won’t have to lie to Tori anymore or risk jeopardizing our friendship. Toby and Meredith could be the power couple everyone thinks they are, and my life can go back to normal. Only I don’t want normal. I want Toby.

Mrs. Engleberg nods off about ten minutes into study hall, so I grab my bag and head to the stage. I have to take the long way to dodge the security cop, and Toby is already behind the stage curtain when I get there.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” he says.

“I did too.” I fiddle with the strap of my bag, not sure how long I’m staying.

“I didn’t buy her that necklace.”

“You didn’t?”

He steps toward me. “Of course not. She bought it over the weekend when we were at the mall.”

“You’re hanging out on weekends now too?”

“I had no excuse not to. You won’t see me, remember?”

I shake my head. “Don’t turn this around on me. You don’t have to go along with her plan.”

“It’s what you wanted. You asked me to do this. For us. Or did you forget that?” His tone is more hurt than angry.

“I’m sorry. I know this isn’t fair to either one of us.”

“You really thought I’d buy her a necklace?”

I shrug, and my bag slips from my shoulder. Toby grabs it for me, putting it back in place and brushing my hair behind my back. “So, she bought it for herself and told everyone you gave it to her? That’s kind of sad.”

“What can I say? She wants her status back. I’m just a means to get it.”

“That’s not all you are.”

“To her it is.” He lowers his head. “And after our conversation on Friday, I’m not sure I mean anything to you anymore either.”

“You do.”

He raises his eyes to mine. “If I asked you to prove it, would you?”

“Here?”

“This is our spot.”

“In hiding.” I nod and let out a sigh. “I hate that our spot is a secret. That all we are is a secret.”

“It was fun at first, but I’m pretty tired of it too.”

Is that why he asked me to come here? To tell me he’s giving up on us? “I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“What you’re trying to say.”

“Which is?” He wrinkles his brow at me, not following.

“You don’t want to sneak around anymore.”

“We haven’t been. Not really.”

I nod again. “I get it. Um, I guess, thanks for telling me.”

He shakes his head. “Telling you what? I feel like we’re having two different conversations right now.”

“That you don’t want to be with me. It’s fine.” I choke on the last word. It’s anything but fine, but maybe this is the only answer for us.

He grabs my hand. “No, it’s not. Because that’s not what I’m saying at all.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I want to come clean.”

“About?”

He grabs my face and stares into my eyes. “Damn, Becca, why aren’t you getting this? I want to come clean about us. Tell Tori. Tell everyone. I’m tired of pretending I’m not into you. I’m tired of seeing you and not being able to kiss you.” His eyes lower to my lips. “If I ask for permission to kiss you, are you going to turn me down?”

“Are you asking permission to ask me permission?” I give a small laugh, and he does the same.

“I guess I am.”

“Then you have my permission.”

“To ask or to kiss you?” His eyes search mine.

Instead of answering, I lean forward and kiss him. It’s not like last time. I don’t feel hurt anymore. I feel like fixing this. All of it. Because Toby and I should be together, and I need to make everyone see that. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me off the ground. I let out a little laugh, and he sets me back down.

“Does this mean we’re okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, but we have to do something. This can’t go on.”

“I agree.” He removes his hands from my waist and turns away.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t think straight when I’m touching you.”

I smile, loving that I have that effect on him.

“I’ll have to talk to Meredith. Tell her it’s over.”

“What’s over?” Meredith pulls the curtain aside and joins us backstage.

Toby whirls around to face her, and I take a step toward him. It’s not that I’m afraid of Meredith. I’m not. It’s just that Toby and I haven’t figured this out yet, and there’s no way she’s going to help us.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“Well, I was looking for you, and Jeff said he saw you heading toward the stage.” She looks at me. “Who knew I’d find both of you?”

“I never said I was going to stop seeing Becca.” Toby’s voice is strong, confident. I wish I felt the same way.

“And what would you have done if someone else walked in on you two doing…?” She looks between us.

“That’s not your concern,” Toby says.

“Oh I think it is, boyfriend.”

“Yeah, about that.” Toby steps toward her. “You have until the party on Saturday to break up with me.” He looks over his shoulder at me. “Because I’m taking Becca.”

“You are not! I say when this is over, Toby. Not you!”

He faces her again, not the least bit intimidated. “Not anymore. I’m telling Tori the truth. I’m only telling you first to be nice.”

I’ve never wanted to kiss him more.

“To be nice? Don’t do me any favors.” Meredith practically spits the words out.

“Okay, fine. We can tell everyone now. Becca and I will walk out of here holding hands, and it will all be over.”

“Like hell you will!” She looks at me. “Talk some sense into him before he ruins this for both of us.”

“Meredith, we’re being more than reasonable here. Just break up with Toby. He’s still willing to let you be the one to end it. Your reputation will remain intact.” She has to let this go.

“For like two seconds. You can’t show up at the party together. You two can’t start dating right after we break up. What will people think?”

Toby stands up straight and looks right at Meredith. “That’s not my problem. Or Becca’s.”

“Look,” I say. “If you don’t want it to look like Toby and I got together the second you broke up with him—”

“You mean dumped his ass.” She crosses her arms in front of her.

“Whatever. If you don’t want it to look that way, then do it soon. It’s Monday. That gives you five days until the party.”

“That’s still not enough time.”

Toby grabs my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “Yeah, well it’s the most you’re going to get.”

Meredith shakes her head. “This is unbelievable. How am I going to explain this?” She holds up her necklace. “I just paraded this necklace around, talking about what a great boyfriend you are. What reason could I possibly give for dumping you right after you bought me an expensive gift?”

“I guess you shouldn’t have lied and said Toby gave it to you,” I say.

She scoffs. “Like you’re one to talk. You’ve been lying to your best friend for who knows how long. You’re no better than me, so don’t think for a second that you are. I’m the type of person who gets what she wants. You”—she looks down at me—“you’re nothing special.”

I never realized her hatred for me was this deep, but she clearly resents having me in her life. My house is bigger than hers. My parents have better jobs than hers. I never even thought about that, but clearly she has, and she’s been trying to make up for it ever since the Barbie lunchbox incident.

“You can’t talk to her like that,” Toby says. “And in case you haven’t noticed, you’re the only one who thinks you’re better than everyone else.”

She glares at him, and by the way her nostrils are flaring I can tell she’s barely holding it together. “I’ll find a way to make you out to be the bad guy, so be prepared. But I better not see the two of you together before I end this. Or I swear I’ll make you both regret it.” She storms out.

I squeeze Toby’s hand. “What do you think she’ll do?”

“No idea. But she’s pissed, so I’m sure it will be quite a show.”

I rack my brain, trying to think of something Meredith can use against him. And then it hits me—the ultimate payback for a desperate girl seeking revenge. The very thing Meredith brought up when she caught Toby and me together at his house. She thought Toby just used her for sex—made her sleep with him and then dumped her. Knowing Meredith, she’s willing to go to any lengths to keep her reputation. She won’t care that Toby will be destroyed in the process. “Oh God!”

“What?”

I don’t know how to tell him this, but I have to. He has to be ready. “She’s going to tell everyone you forced her to sleep with you.”

“What? I did not! She threw herself at me, and that was months ago.”

Months ago? “You haven’t…in months?”

“It happened once. Once. That’s all. And it wasn’t my idea.”

“So you didn’t break up with her right after you…?” I can’t bring myself to say it.

“No!”

I relax a little, happy that Toby isn’t that guy at all. I should’ve known better. “I’m sorry I ever thought—”

“Don’t be. But you’re right. She’s going to make the whole school think I pressured her into sex.”

I don’t know how to get him out of this. He could deny it, but Meredith is a girl. A girl who can turn on tears like a faucet. And now she’s back at the top of the popular scale. Toby doesn’t stand a chance.