Текст книги "Cruel and Beautiful"
Автор книги: A. M. Hargrove
Соавторы: Terri E. Laine
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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 28 страниц)
THE CAR DRIVES LIKE A DREAM, or maybe I’m just used to subway trains and taxis these days. As I take in a deep breath, I catch his scent and think again of seeing Andy naked under the sheets. He was hard and ready. I can’t deny I was just as ready for him.
Only the dull ache is still there. The memories of that long ago day are ever present. How can I forget the past, even if I want to?
My phone chimes, but traffic is still a bear. I let the call go to voicemail until I realize it might be Drew… Andy. It’s so hard to think of him by this new name. I fumble in my purse and almost rear end someone. Wouldn’t that be great? Calling him to cancel dinner because I totaled his car wouldn’t be the ideal way of starting fresh.
Thank goodness for fingerprint recognition. I unlock my phone with a touch of my thumb and sneak a glance at the screen as traffic is stopped in front of me. Jenna.
I reach to turn the volume down on the radio and accidently hit an extra button.
A sultry voice cuts the song off and says, “Bluetooth recognized. Would you like to sync this phone?”
“Yeah right,” I say flippantly.
“Bluetooth accepted.”
“What?” I ask out loud, surprised the car understood me. A pop up box appears on my phone and draws my eye. I hit okay to allow my phone to pair with his car, even though when I’d spoken out loud, I’d been kidding. I like new techie stuff, so I test the waters.
“Call Jenna.”
Calling Jenna. Home or work?
“Mobile,” I say instead.
The phone rings through the audio system and I’m entranced but focused on the road again.
“Hey you. I just called.”
“I know. I’m driving.”
After the words pop out of my mouth, I realize my mistake.
“Driving? Did you buy a new car? I thought you didn’t want to have one.”
“No, it’s a friend’s. What’s up? Why’d you call?” I ask brusquely, scrambling to divert our conversation away from the car. I’m just not ready to talk about Drew yet.
“I can’t call you?” The way she over dramatizes her mock offense gets a laugh out of me.
“Of course you can. You know I didn’t mean it that way.”
“No, really, I’m just checking on you. Last we talked you were going to happy hour with your coworkers. I’m so hoping you met a man and ended your dry spell.”
I can see her scolding look in my head as she speaks.
“Will every conversation always make it back to my sex life?”
“I don’t know there, Sasquatch, but I’m hoping you at least did a bit of landscaping.”
I sigh. “I keep it up now, Mom,” I say dramatically. “Thanks to you for forcing me to get that little wax job, I’ve been traumatized into keeping up my maintenance on Louise.”
Shuddering, I laugh at the memory as her cackles echo through the car’s sound system.
“Seriously though, did you meet someone?”
“Happy hour was a no go,” I admit. “My coworker hit on me, though.”
See, it wasn’t totally a lie. I just edit myself. I need to tell Jenna about Drew in person.
“Oh, do tell.”
I give her the details that I can remember ending with Daniel hailing us a taxi.
“Daniel looks like Clark Kent. Sounds promising.”
“Sounds more like it’s never going to happen. I can’t date a guy at work. If things go south, it would be too awkward. And then one of us will have to quit and I like this job,” I say, spitting out a diatribe of words.
She sighs. “When I get there in a few weeks, I will so get you laid if you haven’t already managed to find a hit-it-and-run guy by yourself.”
“Hit-it-and-run?”
“Yes! You need a good one-nighter before you’ll be ready for any man. Otherwise, if you’re into a guy and screw him after a dry spell, you’ll scare the poor guy off with cling wrap moves.”
I laugh and she follows.
“Speaking of which, what’s going on with you and a certain guy?”
“Shh, we shall not speak of it. I am working on something. But I have to run. Duty calls. I have to take mother shopping. Chat with you later.”
She’s definitely hiding something, but I don’t press her because I am, too. Once I get into DC, it’s slower going. They have red light cameras, speed cameras, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they have overhead cameras to determine if a driver is holding a phone in their hands while operating a vehicle.
As I turn into a public lot a block from my building, my phone buzzes again. I wait for my turn to get a ticket before I answer.
I see the name on the display just before I say, “Hello.”
The whispered response is so faint, I say, “Mandy, let me call you back. I’m going to lose this signal.”
“Don’t call,” she whispers loudly. “I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”
“Okay,” I say, taking the ticket. The call ends so abruptly, I don’t know if I lost it or if she hung up right away.
I find a sweet spot next to a wall and large enough that anyone who parks next to me can open their door wide and not ding Drew’s car… Andy’s.
In my tiny apartment, I plunk my purse down on the small bistro table in my makeshift eat-in kitchen slash dining room.
My phone rings before I can take another step. I answer and immediately I’m assaulted with Mandy’s demand for information.
“Tell me what happened last night.”
She’s still whispering, so I assume she’s hung over.
I head back to my room with the phone tucked between my shoulder and ear as I begin to take off my day-old clothes.
“Nothing, happened, we drank a lot and sang karaoke. Why?”
“Why?” She squeaks.
I toss my skirt in a pile in the closet and put the phone on speaker as I remove my shirt.
“Yes, why?” Because I’m at a total loss. She sounds like the zombie apocalypse occurred.
“How did you get home?”
I drop my shirt in the same pile.
“I got a ride with a friend. You and Daniel got in a cab and left. That’s the last I saw of you. Is everything okay?”
I’m starting to feel awful even though I have no idea what’s wrong.
“No, he’s here!”
The bed sinks a little, which shows the quality of the mattress I purchased through a website when I moved here in such a rush. Future note—never buy a bed online.
“Who’s there?” I ask as I head for the bathroom and check the state of my hair.
I’m brushing it when she says, “Daniel. Daniel’s still here.”
Pausing, I’m not sure what she plans to say next, but I hold my breath after I ask, “Is that a problem?”
She’s quick with her words but it sounds like she’s hiding in her bathroom from the faint echo I hear despite all her quietly yelled words.
“He’s sleeping in my bed.”
I haven’t been to her apartment so I can’t visualize. “Okay.”
“Okay?” The one word comes out sounding more like are you crazy. “He’s not dressed and there is an empty condom wrapper on my night table.”
My jaw drops before a smile covers my face and I do a fist pump. One problem solved.
“I guess you liked him more than you let on.”
“I do not,” she says a little too quickly to be the truth. “He’s a friend. He needs someone, which is why I tried to set the two of you up. So why is he in my bed and not yours?”
Unable to stop myself, I let out a laugh and can’t help but tease her. “I think he’s where he’s supposed to be. You guys make an adorable couple.”
Her next words are still soft but she manages to growl them. “I would hate you if I didn’t already hate myself.”
“Mandy,” a male voice calls out. It sounds downright sexy over the phone. Go Daniel.
“I have to go.”
“Call me later,” I say before remembering my plans for tonight.
She hangs up quickly and I hope she didn’t hear that last part. Now, I’m starting to look forward to Monday, especially when the awkwardness will have nothing to do with me.
I turn on the shower. What Jenna said takes over my thoughts and has me worried. Although I don’t have plans to sleep with Andy, I got his name right this time, I do want to make sure I’m groomed, just in case.
The agonizing part will be what to wear. So I decide to do that now rather than wait for later. He says he’s going to make dinner. I end up deciding on a flirty top that hints at cleavage and my most comfortable pair of jeans. I toss a pair of clean underwear in my purse, then I sit on the couch to try and take my mind off everything by watching some TV.
I close my eyes to rest them, only to wake to the alarm I set just in case I nodded off. I rush to get ready and pay to get his car out of the parking garage. Leaving DC is just as slow as it was coming in. Luckily, I gave myself enough time. I have to circle the block of Andy’s hospital a couple of times before he flags me down.
“Hey gorgeous, how was your day?” he asks as he gets into the car.
Oh, I don’t know. I considered using BOB while thinking about you but decided to wait it out. “Nothing much, watched a little TV. How about you?”
“Another good day.”
“How is that?”
His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “No one died on my watch.”
Talk about sobering. “How do you continue to do it?”
He pauses for a long second and I know he’s considering the question. “It’s that child you cure and see for a routine visit years later and he’s still cancer free. It’s the Mom with a family of five whose kids still need her. It’s hope that I can make a difference and even if it’s just one more day that they live, that’s what drives me.”
His passion is overwhelming and heartwarming. I can’t help the tear that spills from my eye. He’s there with the pad of his thumb wiping it away.
“I know it’s crazy for me to think we can forget about all those yesterdays, but I believe that running into you is a sign from somewhere. Cate, I need you not to give up on this. Cancer will always be a part of my life. I want you to give me a second chance to see if you can or even want to be a part of my life, too.”
I say nothing as he’s forced to give me directions back to his place. I hear him speak as I drift on a void of grief. Cancer will be a part of his life. As much as I have unresolved feelings for him, I’m not sure I can live that life.
He steers me into the garage under his building and somber vibes fill the empty spaces between us. After I park, he steps out of the car, giving me the full view. I saw him when I picked him up, but I’d been focused on the traffic around me and not on the gorgeous man in blue scrubs. I’m struck by the impossible man and his impossible life. I’m torn between the two knowing I have to take one with the other. Already caught up in seeing him again after all this time, I stand there and stare like an idiot.
“Are you checking me out?” he jokes.
Deflecting, I say, “You remind me of a smurf.”
He chuckles and leads me toward a door where he pushes the up button for the elevators. “I’m not sure how to take that unless I’m Handsome Smurf or Sexy Smurf. I do know in all that blue, there is only one girl. Smurfette.”
Teasingly, I say, “Exactly. What girl wouldn’t want a harem of guys whose only choice is her?”
His brow lifts in a sexy arch. “Harem?”
Feeling sheepish, I give a helpless little shrug. The door opens, and we enter. I’m suddenly feeling self-conscious. After he presses his floor number, he turns to where I’ve flattened myself on the back wall. A faint smile appears on his face.
He stalks forward and says, “I’ve always wondered something.”
My body is on high alert for an invasion I’m not completely sure I’m ready for. “What’s that?”
Breathy—that’s how I sound. No way he hasn’t picked up on that I’m practically panting with need. He cages me in but doesn’t touch me. My arms are limp at my sides, unable to fight the desire that’s overtaking me. The reflection in the mirrored walls shows his incredible ass in those scrubs. I didn’t think the shapeless clothing could be so damn sexy.
He licks his lips. “Forgive me in advance.”
Before I can respond his lips meet mine. His tongue breaches the seam between my lips, penetrating my mouth and my soul. The bag I hold drops to the floor as I begin to lose all muscle control.
He tastes of spearmint. And I know he’s been chewing gum again. Why? Because I know things about him others might not. This isn’t the first time we’ve been overcome with lust.
I’m about to raise my arms. But before I can make that decision, he steps back. His eyes are storming and churn with need.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just…”
He trails off while bending to pick up my bag for me. When he glances up, his head is eye level with Louise and I feel myself clench in desire. Jenna is right. I so need to get laid.
The elevator chimes and he stands up. He holds out the bag and all I can manage to do, besides take it from him, is smile. I have to let him know some way that everything’s okay. If I try to speak, it will sound ridiculous because my brain has been reduced to the age of a toddler at the moment. I’m not even sure I can verbalize three letter words.
When we enter his apartment, all I can think about is how well he worked my body the last time we were together. Cate, get your shit together, I chide myself.
“You’ve been working all day. Why don’t you go take a load off? I brought dessert.” I hold up the bag with an I’m desperately trying to keep it together smile. “I need to prep it so it can be ready right after dinner. I can also play Sous Chef if you want. I may not be a master chef, but I’m good and slicing and dicing.”
His eyes are still sultry. I would pay a million dollars to hear his thoughts. “I could use a shower. The hot water will loosen my shoulder muscles.”
He stretches his neck this way and that and I find myself behind him. I press my fingers in where I know he aches. He’s standing so I can’t exactly get it right since he’s so much taller than me.
“That’s nice.”
“Uh huh. Why don’t you sit down and I’ll try to loosen you up before your shower. It will be more effective that way.”
He turns around and captures my hand. “I think it would be more effective if you join me in the shower.”
I raise my other hand and use a finger to give him the naughty boy wave. “Not so fast. You haven’t made me dinner yet. I’m not that cheap of a date.” I wink at him.
He laughs. “Mom always told me it never hurts to ask.”
“True, but no dice.”
Turnabout is fair play, I think to myself. Memories remind me I’d been the one begging him to be with me.
He nods and heads to his bathroom alone and without my offered massage.
Later, he studies me from across his table.
“I’m glad you have an appetite. I would hate to have leftovers.”
I toss my napkin at him which goes nowhere. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
“Only that you look really great and I’m having a hard time trying to play it cool.”
Drew… Andy is a patient man, or at least he was early in our relationship. It seems as though he’s lost that patience now.
“Such the flirt. Are you ready for dessert?” I stand to gather the dishes.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Of course I do. You made one of my favorites, chicken parmesan.”
“Seriously,” he says and begins to stand up. I try to stop him and end up in his lap. “Well, I should have tried this earlier.”
He kisses me again and it feels so natural to be with him like this. Reluctantly, I pull back.
“Let me get dessert.”
He sighed. “You’re killing me, Cate.”
That goes both ways since his arousal is evident as I sit on his lap, and I know my panties are soaked.
“You’ll like it.”
He levels a stare at me. “Cate, nothing would taste better than you. You also have to know that I’m harder than a teenage boy copping his first feel. I’ll respect you if you want to wait.”
His honesty is one of the qualities I admire most about him. This isn’t our first date either. I won’t violate a dating rule if I sleep with him. However, intimacy changes everything. Feelings will collide in unexpected ways.
“I want you, too. I just don’t want to rush anything.”
Without waiting for a response, I put the plates in the sink so I can wash them before I leave. I have no intention of letting him do any clean up. As it is, he tidied up as he cooked. So there is only a pan and pot to wash along with what we’ve just used.
I pull the couple of pints of ice cream I brought from my place out of the freezer and reach in the refrigerator for all the fruits I diced up while he showered. I even have sprinkles and whipped cream ready to go. Grabbing two bowls I find in one of the cabinets, I head back to his dining area. It’s larger than mine and fits his table for six. I wonder how often he has guests. Hell, I don’t know how long he’s been in the area. He stands to help when his phone buzzes.
He helps me settle everything on the table before he answers the call.
“Hello.”
I can only hear a faint voice on the other line.
“Yes, this is he.” He pauses. “Okay… Sure thing... alright... Bye.”
I know his news is bad when he gives me the sorrowful eyes.
“I’m sorry, Cate. But I’ve been called in.”
I wave off his apology. I know what to expect from his line of work.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll call a taxi or use the Uber app to get a ride home.”
He steps in my space, anchoring me in place with his light grip on my arms.
“Don’t leave.” He practically begs me with earnest eyes. I’m transported to another time and place when words much like these passed between us. “I shouldn’t be too long. We can have dessert and catch up. Then I’ll drive you home.”
A part of me knows I should leave. The guilt I feel is like an opaque screen between us obscuring the light with shadows and doubts. However, the other part of me is desperate to stay. “Okay.”
An easy smile forms on his lips before he gives me a there’s more to come kiss that I greedily accept. “I’ll be back sooner than you think.”
He’s back in scrubs as he walks out the door. I stand alone in his place and a curiosity bug hits me. Should I explore it? A memory surfaces of the commercial when a girl in her date’s bathroom decides to look in his medicine cabinet and everything comes crashing down. I opt to clean the kitchen and store the fixings for making our own sundaes back in the refrigerator and freezer.
Finished with that task, I sit on his couch and turn on the TV. As time lingers, it’s becomes harder and harder to remain alert. When I wake, I’m not in the living room. The sun is bright and I’m fully dressed on a bed I don’t remember. Even the furnishings aren’t mine, or the ones I remember in Andy’s room. The body wrapped around me, though, is familiar.
I turn and Andy’s eyes are open. “Morning,” he says with a somewhat chipper smile. “I’m sorry I got back so late. I wanted to wake you, but you were so cute on my couch. I brought you in here then I guess I didn’t want to sleep alone.”
His smile dips and I know whatever he dealt with hadn’t been good. “What happened?” My hand reaches out to find his.
He stares at me as if he doesn’t want to say it and I already know. “I lost a patient.”
I blanket myself around him knowing how hard that is for him. “I’m sorry.”
He squeezes me tight and we hang onto each other as if for dear life.
“Miracles don’t always happen,” he adds.
We say nothing for a long time. Again, I’m confronted with how I’m not really sure I can do this. I can’t imagine how he can think so, either. I’m not that same person I was.
“I should get home. I have…” I wave a hand around as I sit up and disentangle myself from him. “Laundry and grocery shopping to do.” I push at bed hair while he yawns. “And you should get some rest. I really can take a cab.”
“Absolutely not. If I have to let you go, at least give me a little more time with you.”
“Andy—”
“Cate, please. I can see it in your eyes you’re ready to run.”
“I’m not.” It’s a lie.
“Give it some time. Look, I have a benefit to attend next week. I was going alone but I have a plus one.”
He doesn’t have to say that the benefit most likely has something to do with cancer. It’s all too much, too heavy, too hard. Yet I find myself wanting to give in to the hope on his handsome face. I know how good I feel when I’m with him and how I want to feel that again.
I turn a reluctant smile his way. “Okay, I’ll be your plus one.”
The benefit, however, turns out to be more than I ever planned on.
JAYSUS, WHAT A WEEK. SEVEN papers. Not to mention two quizzes and one exam. When Friday hits, adrenaline-laced excitement fuels me. I’m heading to Drew’s and can’t wait to see him. Jenna has helped me pack. Brand new sexy bras and thongs that Jenna helped me buy. Check. Sexy nightie that Jenna strong armed me into. Check. Several cool outfits. Check.
The drive to his apartment only takes about an hour and ten minutes. I texted him right before I left so he’s waiting for me when I pull up. The man is one hot god. He opens my door, reaches in my car, unhooks my seat belt, and lifts me out. “I’ve missed you, lovely Cate.” Then he kisses me. Not a sweet whisper of a kiss either. This is an all out, panty dropping, toe curling, body melting kiss. My arms coil around his neck as he deepens it further. He hitches my body against his and when he does, I wrap my legs around his hips. This is a first for me. I’ve never done anything like this before, nor have I been so passionate in public. Well, I take that back. We were pretty damn steamy on our first date, but it was late and alcohol-laced, so I’m giving that a pass.
“Mmmm, you taste incredible,” he says. “I’ve been waiting for you all week.”
“Same here.” I knit my fingers in his hair. He reminds me of the beach in the middle of the summer, the way is hair is streaked with gold. Bright blue eyes catch mine and he flashes me a sexy grin.
“How much luggage do you have?”
“Just one bag is all and some hanging stuff.”
“I’ll carry you and the bag and you get the hanging stuff.”
“Deal,” I say.
He opens the back door and leans in to grab the hanging clothes. Then he hands them to me as he walks to the trunk. I pop the lid and he reaches for the bag back there.
“What’cha got in here? It weighs a ton!”
I laugh. “Everything but the kitchen sink. But my backpack with my books and computer is in there.”
“Damn. I was wondering.” He kicks his cracked door wide open and we enter his apartment. It’s nice and tidy, and decorated in manly brown tones. We walk straight to his bedroom, where he deposits my bag on the bed and hangs my clothes in his closet. Then he carries me back to the kitchen and asks if I’d like a glass of wine. “I thought we’d eat here tonight, if that’s okay.”
“That’s perfect. Are you going to cook?”
“Me?” His face is a mixture of mock horror and distaste. I can’t help but laugh. He sets me on the counter, spreads my legs, and wedges his large body in between them.
“Who else is in this room?” I look around, messing with him. “Do you have a secret chef hidden in one of your cabinets?”
“No, but I do have a secret chef. He works at the local pizza parlor.” His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he tries not to laugh.
“Hmmm. Pizza. I see you’re trying really hard to impress me. It is one of my favorites.”
He drops his head so his mouth is right next to my ear. Warm air blows across my neck, causing me to break out in goosebumps. “Huh uh. Not quite yet. That trying really hard is going to come after we eat.”
My mouth forms a perfect O as heat rises from my chest to the top of my head. I’m sure my face is as red as the apple I spy on his counter.
His lips barely touch me, but they feel like they burn right through me. Following a path around to the hollow at the base of my throat, he dusts me with kisses until he arrives at my bra. I’m wearing a V-neck sweater. With his head down, he lifts his eyes, asking permission. With one nod from me, he continues as he slips one finger between the fabric of my bra and my breast. My nipple reacts like it’s never been touched before. It springs to life, hardening into a spiky peak. I want his mouth there, sucking me. Should I tell him? I don’t want to sound like some shameless slut. But maybe he wants me to sound like that.
“Drew?”
“Yeah.”
“Would it sound terrible if I told you I wanted your mouth on me instead of your hand?”
Blue irises lock with mine. His pupils dilate telling me I’ve hit a mark. He wants me as much as I want him.
“No. It wouldn’t. Cate, I want to undress you and put my mouth on you everywhere. But maybe we should eat first. If we don’t, we probably won’t eat at all. You are all I’ve thought about all week.”
“O-okay.” He’s right. “Pizza then?”
“Actually, I was kidding about that. I’m going to cook for you.” He gives me a kiss before releasing me. Then he walks over to the refrigerator and starts pulling things out. Chicken, a variety of vegetables, some sauces in bottles. He glances at me. “Can you guess?”
“Stir fry?”
“Nice!”
In no time, the meal is ready.
“Cate, there’s a bottle of Chardonnay in the fridge. Will you grab it along with two wine glasses out of the cabinet next to the sink?”
I find said glasses and the bottle of wine and carry them to the table. Drew plates up the food and we sit down to eat. He watches me take my first bite.
“This is delicious.”
“You like it?”
“Yes, it’s really good.” Surprisingly so. I expected it to be average, but this is extremely tasty. And I tell him so. “You’re really good in the kitchen.”
“Wait until you see me in the bedroom.”
I nearly spit out the bite of food I just took. He slaps his knee because he thinks he’s hilarious.
I raise my brows. “I had this impression that you were above the twelve year old mentality, unlike most men.”
“Oh, Cate. How could you have been so wrong about me?” And he gets this puppy dog look on his face and I immediately die laughing.
“So then, a man of many talents.”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to find out for yourself.” Now he’s not kidding. His tone has deepened, become almost hoarse. He leans in and says, “I have thought of almost nothing else other than being with you. In every sense of the word. But say one word, Cate. One word, and we don’t have to do anything, but sit and talk. This is entirely your call.”
I set my knife and fork down and look at him. His eyes are as clear as the sky on a spring day. They bear no humor; only honesty and caring, truth and sincerity. Reaching for his hand, I take it in mine and look at it for a long moment. Long, perfectly formed fingers attach to a strong, firm hand. Not calloused, yet not soft either. I bring it to my lips, pressing a kiss on his knuckles.
“I know you would never do anything to me I didn’t want. But I’d be fooling myself, and you, if I told you I had no interest in being with you. I’ve pretty much thought of nothing else all week, too. It made studying for my exam and quizzes damned hard. And I almost wanted to write erotic journalistic articles because of you. You have occupied my waking and sleeping thoughts for a week now, so I can’t wait to be with you, too, Drew. In every way.”
He turns his hand around to hold mine. “Well, then, are you finished eating? Because after that, I’m finding all I want to do is to see you naked.”
I push back my chair and stand. He does, too. He tries to stop me from picking up my plate. “Leave it.”
“No. This will be gross if we do.”
We hurry and clean up. While we do, he touches me, my arm, my cheek, nothing overtly sexual, but it’s all so completely intimate that when we’re done, he turns to me and our mouths collide in a crushing kiss. It’s a combination of sweet and hot at the same time. Then I’m moving backward as he walks us to the bedroom.
My bag still sits on his bed and he asks me if I need to use the bathroom. I would love to brush my teeth so I say yes. I root around in my bag to find what I need, but when I get behind the closed door, my nerves barge in. My hands shake as I load my toothbrush with toothpaste. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not up to his standards? What if I’m so inexperienced I’m a gigantic disappointment? Oh, god, where is Jenna when I need her? I need a serious pep talk right now.
“Cate, is everything okay?”
Shit! “Yeah. Be out in a second.” My plans for the sexy nightie are trashed. I can’t delay this any longer, so I open the door. There he stands, the corners of his eyes drooping with concern.
When I was a kid, I used to love it in the summers in Charleston after a huge rainstorm. When the tide is unusually high, there is shallow coastal flooding and when storms dumped a couple of inches rain, small swimming pools would be everywhere. I feel like my bones have melted into one of those pools.
“Cate.” He calls out again. My name rolls off his tongue and sounds husky. “Are you sure?”
I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans. “About us? This? Yes. I’ve never been more sure of anything. I’m just a little nervous, if you want the truth. And it’s me I’m unsure of, not being with you.”
He reaches out, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t be. I fall asleep thinking of you and wake up doing the same. You have nothing to fear, I promise.”
Glancing down at the floor, I stare at his bare feet. He must’ve taken his shoes off while I was in the bathroom. I shake my hands because for whatever reason, they tingle. “Drew, don’t say that. Remember dickwad?” I cross, uncross, then cross my arms again.
He puts his hands on them, stopping my repeated motions. “Hey, I want you in the here and now. Not with him.” His eyes have darkened. Is it with anger?
“It’s not that I’m with him. It’s that I’m unsure of my ability to …” This is awkward.
He shuts me up with a kiss. And it’s not just any kiss. His hands are on either side of my face as his tongue pushes through the seam of my lips. He pulls me against him as he deepens the kiss. He goes for broke here and succeeds. Everything I worry about flies out the window as my arms wind around his waist. I pull him into me and moan. When he lets me go I protest.
“I want you to undress me and then I want to do the same to you. Is that okay?”
I nod.
My hands shake as they pull at his shirt. Their clumsy movements succeed, with his help, in freeing him. I run my hands over the rigid muscles of his torso, across his hips and down to the waist of his jeans. I’m all thumbs, so he has to assist with the zipper and button. Getting his pants off isn’t that difficult. Maybe I’m losing my anxiety or my coordination is returning. My eyes drop down and I can’t help but notice the erection straining against his boxers. It shocks me so that I immediately look away. He smiles.
“I think I’ve lived in this state since we met. You only have yourself to blame.”
I don’t really know how to answer that so I do nothing except stare. He picks my hands up, covers them with his, and we both finish the task of removing his boxers. It’s difficult not to ogle what blatantly juts out in front of me. I can’t help but touch him. I’ve always thought cocks were weird looking appendages. Hell, so are vaginas, for that matter. But take a cock for instance. I’ve seen pictures of them when they’re soft, and they’re funky looking things with a sack attached behind them. And when they’re hard, some of them curve, or are super skinny or whatever. Drew’s cock is what I would call perfect. Not too big and not too little, but if a cock can be called pretty, his is.
