Текст книги "Right Next Door"

Автор книги: A. J. Pryor

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

I can hear her.

Morning. Noon. And. Night.

I hear her walking around her place, wrapping her dishes in paper, taping boxes shut. The screech of that damn packing tape is like nails on a chalkboard. I want to go over and throw it off the balcony, never hear that noise again. The walls are so damn thin I can hear almost everything she’s doing over there.

Her friends have come to help. I bumped into Paige as she was leaving one night. She wouldn’t tell me how Addison’s doing, but the look she gave me said it all. She’s hurting just as much as I am right now. Fuck!

I haven’t seen Addison. Mostly because I refuse to go on my balcony, and thanks to the paper-thin walls I know her every move. Makes my avoidance of her so much easier. I’m not strong enough to keep my hands off her so my strength comes in keeping my distance.

I’m not sure I’ll survive this week.

The times she showers suck the most. Each morning I find myself with my forehead pressed to the wall, my palms stretched out flat imagining I’m under the water with her, trying to be as close to her naked body as humanly possible.

I miss the taste of her skin, the feel of her moving beneath me. I miss every sound she makes as her body climbs towards climax and the small moans she delivers when she’s finally there. I miss watching her teeth bite her bottom lip right before she comes and I miss the feel of her nails on my skin as her body finally takes over. I miss her stupid coffee mugs and her disheveled state after she tries to keep up with me step for step on our workouts. Most of all, I miss our mornings. I miss her so fucking much it hurts to breathe sometimes.

I don’t want her to go and I don’t know how to convince her to stay.

People talk about love and heartbreak all the time. Songs are written about it, paintings created for the sake of showing the image of one single relationship, thousands of books are written in painstaking detail about that one word, but none capture the feeling of a broken heart. The loss of blood that leaves you weak at the knees, the lack of oxygen making it hard to breathe when your mind so much as travels in her direction. It feels like someone has taken a hammer and swung it directly at my chest.

Emily knew the day Addison returned and maybe she’s right about her girl instincts. For an eight-year-old, her insight is frightening. My mood must have darkened worse than before, relief that she was home and safe, but devastated that she wanted nothing to do with me. I’ve tried my best to keep a happy face for Em, but she’s a kid and they are more perceptive than any adult I’ve ever met.

In the five weeks since Matt showed up with that ring, Emily has been in and out of the hospital. Frequent tests showing the chemo is working, but breaking down her body at the same time. Each treatment gets progressively tougher, and the risk of infection or illness skyrockets. But Em’s tough and she’s fighting this disease with all the strength she has. Meanwhile I’ve been fighting Thomas. My attorneys have won me visiting rights. He can’t ban me, but my time is still limited to an hour. Slowly, they’re working their magic on her adoption and by the time she’s cured, there will be no question where she ends up.

If my timing is right, Addison officially moves tomorrow. I should go over, wish her luck, tell her I love her one last time. Fight harder for her. But the fear I could be one of her regrets, that in the end, she won’t want me because I didn’t give her the time she needed keeps me here, in my home, waiting for my heart to officially die. It feels like being on deathwatch.

My phone rings and I hope like hell it’s not the hospital.

Crap, it is.

“Susie, is everything alright?”

“No, you need to come right away. She’s had a bad reaction to the latest batch of chemo and she needs you, Damian.”

And then I remember—I really am on deathwatch.

I can let Addison go. It’s going to hurt like hell, but it’s not permanent. One day I will get her back. But Emily? If I lose her, it’s a forever kind of hell, one I’m not sure I’m strong enough to endure.

“I’ll be right there.”

Bad reaction. That can mean anything. I can’t take this. It’s too much all in one week. Shit, I can’t breathe. My lungs hurt, and my stomach cramps up. I feel like I’ve run a marathon, my limbs slow and my body not in tune with what my mind knows it has to do.

Emily needs me, but I can’t fucking breathe. If something happens to her . . . I don’t . . . I don’t know what I’ll do.

Racing out of my apartment, I have no idea where Addison is or what she’s doing, my purposeful avoidance of her thrown out the window to get to the hospital as quickly as possible, so I’m shocked when I bump right into her. It vaguely registers that she was on her way to my front door, but I don’t have time to hash this out.

Her eyes widen at my sudden appearance and they’re filled with concern.

“Emily’s sick. I gotta get out of here.” Brushing past her I begin to take the stairs two at a time.

“Do you need me to go with you?” she calls from behind.

Doesn’t she know I always want her with me? Running back up, I take her face in my hands. “Yes.” I kiss her, taking those soft lips between my own. “I always need you, Addison.” I kiss her again, because if I don’t, I’ll scream and no one needs that right now. “But they won’t let you in.”

Holding her face between my two large hands, we’re both standing on the front deck of our building, so many unspoken words traveling back and forth between our eyes. Me telling her to stay, please stay and her saying goodbye. It’s such a fucking disaster.

“Okay, well, please keep me posted as to how she’s doing.”

I nod and take off. There’s nothing else I can do to make this situation any easier, or any less painful.

Emily is wearing a respirator when I walk into her room. Her eyes are sleepy looking and she’s so pale she’s almost the color of her sheets.

“How you doing Sweet Pea?”

She cries. Tears stream out of both eyes. In the nine months I’ve watched her fight this disease, she’s rarely cried. The girl is tougher than any extreme athlete I know. So, watching those tears fall one by one, and I want to join her in the sob fest. I want to get down on my knees and cry with her because it’s so unfair. It’s all so fucking unfair.

But that wouldn’t do her any good, so instead, I hold her hand and let her cry as I stroke the back of it, letting her know I’m here for her, whatever she needs.

We stay silent. I think she’s too weak to talk and I’m too emotional to say a word.

After a good twenty minutes, the tears dry, and she seems more relaxed, her big blue eyes slowly closing as she begins to fall asleep.

“She looks a little better.” Susie walks in and I turn in her direction. Emily stays asleep and I’m dying to know her vitals as Susie begins to take them, changing her IV bag.

“What happened?”

“She crashed. Her blood pressure drastically dropped and her coloring . . .well, you can see her coloring.”

“She feels so weak.” Her little hand lies listless in mine, the tiny bones so frail beneath her skin.

“This last treatment was really strong, Damian. I’m not surprised she had this reaction.”

Taking her blood pressure, she gives me a thumbs-up. “Already a lot better.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, I rest my head on her bed and continue to hold her hand as she sleeps.

I’m prepared to sit here all night, and make sure if she wakes, she knows I’m here for her. I’ve already removed my shoes and have gotten comfortable on the tiny couch they have in the room. “You can’t stay, Damian.”

I sit up startled.

“Why not?”

She sits down next to me and takes a deep breath. “We’ve talked about this. And unfortunately, Thomas was called about this recent downfall in her health. He’ll be looking into her visitors. It’s already long past visiting hours. If I let you stay the night, I’ll lose my job. I’m sorry, but you have to leave. I promise, I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.”

That was it, the nail in my coffin. Addison is moving tomorrow, Emily is sick, and I’m not allowed by her side. I feel the rage build up inside me, a storm I’m not sure I can control. Without another word, I grab my beanie and get the fuck out of there.

I want to go to Addison’s, bang on her door and beg her not to leave. Pull her into my arms and slam my lips to hers, show her everything she’s leaving behind and how she’s managed to completely break my fucking heart.

Boxes litter my place. Packing tape is all over the floor, there is nothing left but a bed and a couch. The movers come first thing in the morning and I have no idea if Damian will be back in time for me to say goodbye.

I know I’m doing the right thing for me, but it’s hard to wholeheartedly believe that when I feel so sad. When I constantly have to remind myself why I’m packing up my apartment in the first place.

Out of nowhere a loud crash sounds next door. Then something slams against the wall. My first thought is of Emily. I can’t leave him like this. He’s already in so much pain, a torment caused by me. If he loses Emily too, it will kill him.

Sticking my head out in the hallway, I hear the sound of breaking glass. Before I can think about it further, I’m standing in front of Damian’s door, pounding on it until my first burns.

The door swings wide open.

A very angry, red-eyed and distraught looking Damian is staring back at me. He stands there for a minute not saying a word but taking me in. His eyes roam from my face, down my body and lands on my chest as a small smile begins to form at the corner of his lips. Lifting a hand, he grabs my shirt and pulls me inside. Then kicks the door closed. I’m backed up to a wall, and his stare is intense, intimidating. But this is Damian, I have nothing to be afraid of, he would never physically hurt me. He can destroy me with words, but he won’t lay a finger on me.

His chest is moving in and out, dragging deep mouthfuls of air into his lungs.

He steps closer, and I can smell the hospital still stuck on his clothes, sense the sadness that is radiating deep inside him. The angry look he had on when he opened the door falls, as his face stiffens and his shoulders slump down.

“She’s in critical condition, and they won’t let me see her.”

I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart. Can’t feel the blood pumping through my veins and I’m worried I’m about to faint, but this isn’t about me. This is about a man who loves a little girl so much, that he was ready to give her the world.

“They say I’m not family. The ICU is reserved for family members only. They kicked me out.” He steps into my zone, all the way in, and rests his head on the wall behind me, my body cocooned inside his arms. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

Cautiously I lift a hand to his chest. “Let me breathe for you. Let me be your air.”

He nods, moving his head from the wall to my shoulder. My hand slides from his chest up his arm and I entwine his fingers with mine, peeling him away from the wall.

I walk him down a hallway and into the bathroom. He’s destroyed, and it shows all over his face. His eyes are red, his skin pale. He’s unsteady and can barely stand on his own two feet. He’s mumbling and he stumbles slightly as he follows me.

Guiding him to the closed toilet, I sit him on the lid and turn to the shower, wanting to wash this all away, even if it’s only to give him a few hours of peace. The knob sticks slightly, but I manage to get it on. As I’m waiting for the water to warm, I go to him. He has buried his face in his hands and his entire body is shaking. Gently I pry his fingers from his face and slowly lift his shirt over his head. He sits up and stares at me. His eyes are pleading with me to take this all away, to make it better.

I stand him up and my hands slide inside the waist of his jeans as I release each button and let the denim slide to the floor.

He’s completely naked and vulnerable standing in front of me. His hands rest on my shoulders and then he traces a line from my collarbone, down to the length of my arm to my hand. Circling his fingers with mine, I lead him to the shower and am about to get him under the water when he turns to me and begins to lift my T-shirt up my stomach and over my head.

“Damian,” I whisper.

“Shhh,” he says as he leans down and kisses me. “Just, shhh.” He brings my bottom lip into his mouth and pushes my leggings down my hips, using his foot to get them all the way off. My flip-flops were left by the front door and I’m standing here, in nothing but my bra and panties, trying to comfort a man who is twice the size of me, stronger than any person I know and loves so fiercely and so deep, it shatters every inch of my soul.

A tear runs down my cheek and he kisses it away. “I’m sorry Damian. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

“You are my pain, Addison.” His finger runs along my lower lip. “A slow burn that never eases, always hovering around the edges of my heart.”

In that moment my heart cracks, and another tear slips down my cheek. He kisses it away and guides us under the water, the warm drops pelting our skin and heads. I reach behind him for the soap and begin to lather his back, silently crying as the shower spray wipes away any trace of tears. Slowly and meticulously, I run my fingers over his scalp and down his neck, trying to wash away the pain and sadness that has consumed both of us. He trembles as I make my way down his body, soaping him and kneading the muscles of his tense neck. Standing on my tiptoes to reach every inch of his head, his shoulders and his back. His arms circle me and his lips come down on mine again.

I’ve missed his lips, I love his lips, but I have no right to them anymore.

“I love you, Addison. So. Damn. Much.” His words are intense, filled with sadness and longing.

“Damian,” I say again.

“Shhh, Addison. Don’t say anything. Just be with me.”

My hands still on his shoulders and he wraps his arms tight around me, our slick bodies pressed firmly together. “Stay with me tonight. Please.”

I nod. No words can describe how I feel in this moment and nothing I can say will make this any better. Tonight is not about me, it’s about him and there is no room for tears here, only a girl, trying to heal a man she loves with her whole heart.

He slips my bra down my shoulders, and his mouth makes its way to my breast. Nipping at the peak as he holds me tighter, and lifts me to wrap my legs around his waist. We are both dripping wet and his mouth is making warm tracks along my chest, my heart beating frantically. My body turned on with desire and the need to make him feel anything but sorrow.

His lips return to my neck sliding along the curves of my shoulder, eventually making their way to my ear. I wrap my arms around him as he carries me into his bedroom and lays me on the bed.

Pulling my soaked bra all the way down my arms, over my stomach and across my hips, he hooks his fingers inside my panties and removes both items in unison. The ache between my legs is unbearable and I’m already soaked in want and need.

His breathing deepens and he closes his eyes tight the sight of me clearly paining him more. “I had no idea it would hurt this bad.”

Sitting on my knees, I place both hands on his chest. “Lie with me, tell me what happened.”

Shaking his head, he wraps me into an embrace and soaking wet, slides us under the cool sheets. “I need to feel something other than pain, Addison. I can’t talk about this right now.”

In complete understanding, I slide my body on top of his and guide him inside of me. We both still as our bodies recognize what they’d been missing. Mine, needing the love of a man who fills all of my cracks, and him needing to feel anything but hurt.

He lifts his torso and wraps his arms around me, his hand sliding up my back and holding onto the nape of my neck. We stare at each other, unblinking, broken, vulnerable, both understanding what the other needs without having to say a word.

I blink once and he crushes his lips to mine, stealing my breath and slipping his tongue between my lips. I give him all I have, fulfilling my promise to breathe for him this one last time. Our joined bodies sit still as our mouths devour each other and suddenly I’m on my back, my feet pushing the pillows towards the headboard as Damian begins to move.

Slow at first then desperate and achingly sad, using his body to get rid of the sorrow and the pain. I take it in, all of it. Our skin slapping together, our bodies at first slick from the shower are now coated with sweat.

His arms are straining above my head, the veins of his forearms protruding from his skin. Our eyes meet and he lets me see him, unfiltered, animalistic and completely open. He loves me in this moment, but this is also his final goodbye.

With that knowledge, my body reacts, needing to feel every part of Damian, to remember the man who loved so deeply it almost broke him. My hips meet his thrust for thrust, and I give myself completely over to him. My moans are ragged, my fingers are digging into his arms and I wrap my legs tight around his hips. I want him to take me harder, push my body to its limits and love me fiercely one last time.

“Ahh, Addison.”

He thrusts in me hard. “You.” He pulls out and then slams into me again. “Make.” He pushes in deep, his hips grinding into my core and causing me to moan out. “Me.” He does it again, my orgasm just within reach. “Lose my . . .” He comes hard as my body falls with his, our hearts pounding in sync and our breath ragged. “Fucking mind.” He can barely get the words out, his mouth at my ear and his body covering me.

He’s shaking, his body trembling as he buries his face into my neck. He rocks his pelvis into me once, then twice before pulling out and sliding down beside me.

Silence surrounds us. The only noise our labored breaths almost drowning out the running water still flowing in the shower. His hand rests on my thigh and he gently squeezes, his calloused fingers making my skin tickle. After a few minutes, his hand goes slack and his breaths deepen. Quietly I make my way into the bathroom and take care of the shower. Our clothes are scattered on the floor and the light outside has disappeared.

Cleaning up and slipping back into my clothes, I tip toe into the bedroom and head towards the front door.

“Stay.” His voice is hoarse and distant. “Please.”

“Are you sure?” This will only make things harder tomorrow when I leave for good. But I can’t abandon him in this state.

He gives a slight chuckle and as my eyes adjust to the darkness of the room, I see that he’s watching me, his eyes taking in every piece of my soul. “Green Eyes, I’d ask you to stay forever if I thought it would change your mind. But since I know you’re hell bent on destroying us, stay one more night. Give me that at least.”

I slide back into bed beside him and nestle close to his side.

Grabbing the hem of my shirt, he lifts it off my body, then slides my leggings down my hips, rendering me completely naked—again. He moves us under the covers, our heads resting on separate pillows and facing each other.

Grabbing my hand, he begins to talk.

A gentle knock disrupts my highest scoring game of Angry Birds. I look at the clock and realize I’m about to be late for practice and whoever is outside just saved me from getting my ass chewed out.

Grabbing my gym bag, I open the door wide. There’s a tall blonde standing there staring at me with big honey colored eyes. She looks to be a few years younger than me, maybe nineteen or twenty. She’s stunningly beautiful and I’m sure I’ve never met her before, but she has a familiarity to her features that has me staring rudely at her.

“Hi. I’m looking for Damian Revilino.” Her voice isn’t timid, but it’s soft and I get the impression it took a lot of courage for her to knock on my front door.

“That would be me, but I go by Damian Walker now. How can I help you?”

She gently smiles and her eyes shift to something behind me. I’m sure she’s expecting me to invite her in, but I’m late. Being the oldest of seven siblings, I should probably point out that knocking on a strange man’s door and asking to come inside isn’t the safest idea, but I don’t have time for parental lectures today.

“I’m sorry but I’m running late. Is there something I can help you with?”

She startles and her eyes shift down. “Oh, I’m sorry. I can come back. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Stepping outside and closing the door I ask, “Well, can you tell me quickly?”

A mocking laugh erupts from her chest and I look at her curiously. “No. You’re probably going to want to be all ears for what I have to say.”

I’ve never been one for drama and the way this chick is shifting from foot to foot tells me she’s not here to deliver good news, but she’s got my curiosity piqued and I decide getting my ass chewed out one more time by my coach won’t be the worst thing in the world.

“You have my complete attention. Shoot.”

Clearing her throat, she rummages in her bag for something. Pulling out a folded piece of paper, her eyes meet mine.

“This is really hard for me to say, so please bear with me.”

She’s killing me. I wish she’d just tell me who the hell she is.

“My name is Megan Jones. Have you ever heard of me before?”

I shake my head. “Sorry, doesn’t ring any bells.”

She scratches the side of her head, her eyes giving me an uncomfortable stare. “I didn’t think it would. I’m not sure how to tell you this –”

“Honestly at this point you need to just say it. You’re kind of freaking me out.”

She nods and her eyes meet mine. “I’m your sister. We’re siblings. Well, technically half siblings.”

“What?” I want to laugh. I have three sisters and this girl is not one of them, doesn’t look anything like them either.

Panic washes over her face. “I know I sound crazy, but we have the same dad. I can prove it to you if you don’t believe me.”

My. Fucking. Dad.

This chick doesn’t need to prove a damn thing to me. Now that she’s pointed it out, the resemblance is all over her face. In her lips, the shape of her eyes, the pointed chin, the dark olive color of her skin.

I stand there taking in all her features, not saying a word. Megan begins to shift from foot to foot and then she looks to her toes and whispers. “This was a bad idea.” Looking back up she says, “I’m sorry I bothered you. I just . . . I needed someone to talk to. My mom died a few months ago and I felt I needed to reach out and . . .”

Shaking myself out of my shocked stance, I smile and pull her into my arms. “Megan Jones. I have three other sisters and I’ve always wanted a fourth. Come in and tell me how you knew about me, yet I know nothing about you.”

She relaxes in my arms and follows me inside.

I get her some coffee and she tells me her life’s story. I stay completely quiet until she’s done, only verifying a few facts here and there.

“So you’ve known about me and my dad your entire life?”

“My mom never kept it a secret who my dad was, but he didn’t want us. When my mom told him she was pregnant, he called her a gold digger. Said it was impossible for him to have children and wouldn’t talk to her again.”

I knew my father had made sure he couldn’t father any more children. He’d always told me that I was enough for him, but clearly, he had his timing wrong as the proof of his offspring is sitting in my living room.

“I don’t want him to know I exist. He can’t know anything about me.”

Slightly confused, I ask, “Why not?”

Her body stiffens and her eyes fill with hate. “He didn’t want me then, I don’t want him taking me in out of pity now. Please promise me you won’t tell him.”

The intense look she’s giving me is slightly scary. “Okay. I promise I won’t tell him.”

“Ever.” She repeats.

I laugh at her childlike need for me to promise this. Placing my hand over my heart, I look her in the eyes. “I promise Megan Jones, I will never my tell father that you existed. You will be my little secret.”

She smiles and her body relaxes in relief.

“I’m glad you found me Megan.”

We spend the next month getting to know each other. She only lives an hour away in Ventura, working as a server in a restaurant. While I had the luxury of living off my dad’s money, Megan and her mom have always struggled. I can’t help but feel slightly guilty that we have led such drastically different lives.

“Can you pick me up from work tonight?” Megan’s soft voice asks over the phone.

“Sure, what time?”

“Two.”

“In the morning?”

She laughs. “Yes, that’s the time the restaurant closes.” Feeling a sense of protection, I agree to meet her and begin to formulate a plan as to how I can get her a better living situation without clueing my family in on her existence.

“I want you to quit your job,” I say when she slides into the passenger seat. “I’ll pay for you to go to college, our dad won’t know anything about you, but my trust fund should be yours as well.”

“Damian—”

“You can give me every excuse in the book, Megan, but my money is your money so start looking at colleges you want to apply to. I don’t want you working until two in the morning.”

“Damian.”

I look over at her, startled by the grave tone in her voice.

“I can’t go to college.”

“You’re smart, Megan. I’ll help you apply, stick by your side every step of the way.”

She doesn’t say anything and I begin to shift lanes wondering why she’s suddenly so quiet.

She begins to cry and I’m trying to figure out what just happened. I offered her a chance at a better life and it broke her down. “Megan, what’s going on? Is there something you’re not telling me?” I reach over and place a hand on her knee. She takes it and squeezes. “You can tell me, Megan. I am your big brother, you know.”

Wiping at her eyes, she gently chuckles. “Damian,” I quickly look over at her, the panic rising inside my stomach, the acute need to find out what has her so upset. “I can’t go to college because there’s something . . . someone . . .” She’s stuttering, and I take my eyes off the road hoping some sort of eye contact will help her move forward and tell me what she needs to.

“It’s okay, Megan. Tell me what it is.”

“There’s someone – Damian watch out!”

Deafening metal on metal blasts through my ears. A blinding light clouding my vision and a throbbing pain throughout my entire body. A horn is blaring, and all I feel is total confusion.

I think my leg is split in two and my breath is coming in short gasps. I never realized how loud pain was before. But it pulses in your ears, vibrates through your entire body. I look down to my right and my heart moves up my throat. “Megan!” I manage to croak out. “Shit! Megan!” She’s not moving, her hair is fanned in all directions and she’s face down, her body at an unnatural angle, blood soaking her blonde hair.

My last thought before I pass out is that I would take her secret to the grave. My father will never know she existed. He doesn’t deserve to know.

Tears are streaming down Addison’s face. “She was going to tell you about Emily.”

“Probably, but she never got the chance. It took me another three years to discover Emily existed.”

“How did you find her?”

“Reed found her.”

“You said that before.”

I stay silent, playing back the story I’d told her in the hospital so many weeks ago. Trying to stick as close to the truth then as I possibly could. “I needed a wake-up call. And finding out a little girl was orphaned in that accident was more of a rebirth than a wake up. The minute I knew she existed, my entire world changed.”

“You’re her uncle.”

I nod.

“It took me two years to clean up my act, start my business and feel confident that I could go after her and get custody. But by the time my attorneys had an argument in place, she was diagnosed with bone cancer and Thomas took over her case. When my attorneys applied for custody, he outright denied them.”

“Thomas was an orphan too.”

I sit up surprised by her sudden revelation. “How do you know that?”

“Veronica, the only other female attorney in the office, told me the day I got fired. So, since he blames you for Megan’s death, there’s no way he’d ever agree to give her to you, but Damian, you’re her family. You can take custody.”

“No, I can’t. Without bringing my dad into it, there’s no proof.”

Addison wraps her arms around me, her face buried in my chest. “I’m so sorry, Damian.”

I hold her as she cries and for the millionth time, try to think of something I could have done differently that night. But I always get to the same conclusion, I can only perfect the life I have now, the life that feels like it’s falling apart. I need to find a way to piece it back together. I let Addison in, gave her everything I had, my heart, my soul, my past. I can only hope it’s enough to convince her to choose us.

“Don’t leave tomorrow, Addison.”