Текст книги "Fable of Happiness book three"
Автор книги: Pepper winters
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CHAPTER SIX
GEMMA’S FACE WAS THE first thing I saw clearly.
Her strained, beautiful face with golden-hazel eyes, pinched cheeks, worried lips, and leaf-tangled blond hair.
And everything fell away.
The nightmare faded, leaving only streaks of horror slinking through my blood. How Storymaker had returned from the dead. How he’d thanked me for filling his house with slaves once again. How glad he was that he had fresh meat for his eager guests to sample.
I shook my head, doing my best to stop the echoes in my head. Storymaker had been rotten and worm-eaten. He’d been a walking corpse. Bone fingers complete with ribbons of skin hanging off a gaunt skeleton, stepping like a ghoul into the conservatory where Gem slept.
He’d touched her.
He’d run his motherfucking putrid fingers over her forehead while she slept. “She’s pretty, Kassen. You did good. She’ll be a nice addition to our Fable family.”
His sentence was far too similar to the thought I’d had when I’d first met Gem. When she’d broken in the bathroom and asked for privacy. When she’d picked up her pieces and dealt with me head on. She was strong. Probably stronger than I’d been when faced with such ownership. I’d respected her so much in that moment. I would’ve been honored to serve beside her because she had far more courage than I ever did.
I’d launched myself at him, smashing through the walls of the conservatory in my dream.
His emaciated, decomposing body vanished. His nasty cackle throbbed in my every heartbeat. “I’m taking her, Kas. She needs to be introduced to our guests. Don’t you think?”
I’d looked back to where Gem had been sleeping.
She was gone.
Her blankets empty.
Nothing but loneliness.
I’d lost myself then.
I’d forgotten it was just a dream.
I’d stepped over the line of reality and nightmare.
And I’d run.
I’d bolted after Storymaker, chasing him to the only place in this valley that housed Fable guests.
The boneyard.
The pit of decaying devils.
His laughter had grown louder and louder as I’d dug at the ground, desperate to get beneath the earth, fighting against a panic attack that Gemma was down there, with them, unable to get free, lost in the dark, being touched and hurt and—
“Christ.” I wiped my face and sat up, gently pushing Gemma away so she wasn’t hovering over me. I swallowed hard as vestiges of the nightmare lingered in my thoughts.
I’d dug as fast as I could.
I’d been prepared to break every nail and shred my entire hands if it meant I could free her from those monsters.
But then Storymaker had tapped me on the shoulder.
He’d morphed into Mrs. Snook—a sadistic witch who liked to play with canes—and she’d laughed shrill and nasty. I knew she swung both ways. She’d made Sarez scream. She’d left scars on Elise, just like she’d brutalized Zanik and Maliki. Her all-inclusive tastes made absolute ferocity pour through me.
I would never let her harm Gem.
My hands had wrapped around her throat.
I’d wanted to kill her.
I would’ve killed her if someone hadn’t punched—
I touched my temple, wincing at the throbbing agony. “What...what happened?” I swallowed a final time, giving myself entirely to reality and slamming a door on sleepwalking, sleep-digging, and all the other shit inside my skull.
Gemma swallowed nervously, her gaze skittering behind me before replying gently, “Jareth hit you.”
I winced. “Why?”
“He, eh...” She once again looked behind me before rushing, “You had another nightmare, Kas. You thought I was...well, I don’t know who you thought I was but...” She sat on her heels, her face falling, drawing my attention down her features to her stunning lips, tear-streaked cheeks, and the fresh collar of bruises around her neck.
“Ah, fuck.” I scrambled away from her, sickness rushing up my throat. “Did I...?” I shook my head. No. It wasn’t possible. I was in love with her. I’d accepted that I was in love with her. I would never hurt her. Not now. I would rather fucking die. “I did that?” My voice sounded like an animal trapped in an incinerator.
I’d tried to save her from Mrs Snook.
When really...the opposite was true.
Moving back to her, I hesitated before cupping her cheeks and raising her face. Her eyes locked with mine, wary and hurting but forgiving and wise. “You weren’t awake. I shouldn’t have tried to help. I just...I couldn’t stand by and watch you dig with your bare hands. You were calling for me. You sounded...” Tears glossed her stare. “You were distraught. I had to do something.”
“I thought you were down there.” I inched closer, never taking my hands off her cheeks. “I thought they had you. I’m so fucking sorry. I was trying to save you. I would never—”
“I know.” Her hands landed over mine. “And Jareth knows that too. He knows you’d never hurt me intentionally now, no matter what he thinks.” Her voice rose, deliberately sharp, delivered with conviction and irritation to the empty forest around us.
I frowned a little but never looked away from her. “Well, I’m glad he did something to stop me from hurting you. I would never have forgiven myself if I’d gone too far.” My voice cracked. “I mean it, Gem.”
All of it.
Everything I’d felt for her the night before. The shock of falling. The switch of my loyalties. The choice of putting her first. It all spewed out of me, desperate to be said in case I forgot. In case the next time I blacked out or had to be knocked unconscious, all this progress would be erased.
The words burned my tongue.
Commitment buckled around my heart, chaining us together with binds far stronger than the broken chain we still wore. “Last night...when I ran from you.” I licked my lips, running my thumbs over her cheekbones. “I realized something. A couple of things actually.” Bringing her forward, I pressed our foreheads together. “I remembered how I’d taken you without permission in the library. I remembered your screams, the way you fought me, and the awful, awful way you went lax beneath me, giving up because I didn’t stop.”
A twig cracked behind me, wrenching Gemma’s stare to something over my shoulder.
She shook her head just once before focusing back on me.
I went to look behind me, my skin prickling with awareness. I was being watched. We both were. I didn’t want an audience when I’d chosen to be vulnerable.
Was Jareth still here? Or had he left after punching me in the head?
If he didn’t go, he needed to leave before this next part. And if it wasn’t him, then fuck, I had a new enemy in which to fight.
However, Gem guided my attention back to her, and the depth in her eyes undid me.
All thoughts of violence, hate, and anger evaporated.
I was left swimming in remorse, guilt, and the undeniable revelation that if any part of me wasn’t in love with this woman, that part no longer existed.
I belonged to her.
I was no longer a slave.
I was no longer owned by anyone but this incredible girl who just kept on forgiving me when I didn’t deserve it.
And I couldn’t do it anymore.
I dug my fingers into her cheeks. I grazed my lips over hers. And I said three terrifying words. Words that I would die by, live by, do my best to survive by.
Because she’d chosen me.
Fate had chosen her for me.
And I would finally start trying to deserve her instead of letting my past destroy her.
“I love you.” I kissed her, inhaling her scent of papaya and woodsmoke, interlaced with sharpness from the forest and earthiness from the grave. “That was the second thing I realized last night and the main reason I ran. I love you, Gem.” I kissed her again, chaste and soft, my heart pounding against my ribs. “I think I fell for you the moment you found me. I’ve just been too shit-terrified to admit it.”
She gasped in my hold, her mouth parting as I kissed her a third time.
Salt laced our kiss from her tears.
Letting her cheeks go, I pushed her backward, insanely grateful when she didn’t fight me.
Lust roared through my veins. All the need from last night. All the pent-up desire, possessiveness, and fear when I’d seen Jareth holding her in the dark overflowed.
I couldn’t catch a proper breath as I lay over her, pressing her onto her back and settling between her legs. Our lips connected again, dancing over each other, our tongues touching almost shyly.
All the darker urges to possess and claim faded away. I’d hurt her again. I was done hurting her. From now on, I would only touch her with the gentleness she deserved.
Her head raised off the grass as she kissed me deeper, sending a tangle of heat between my legs. I hardened. I wanted.
I opened my mouth wider for her, sinking into the kiss but refusing to let her push me into places I couldn’t control.
I kept most of my weight on my elbows, either side of her body. I kept my touch soft and loving. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to rush sex. I didn’t want to get it over with to avoid pain. I didn’t want to finish to prove I was in command. I was free of that shit and lost in the moment with her.
Just her.
Gemma in my arms, her taste on my tongue, her body pinned beneath mine.
I didn’t need to dominate to be free of my own wounds. I didn’t need to hurt her to fulfill a sick revenge. I was free. Free to enjoy every fleeting touch, every gasp, every lick.
“Kas...” She tried to pull me closer. “I need you.”
I shook my head, guilt smothering me. “I shouldn’t have started this.” I nuzzled into her neck, kissing my way across her bruises. “You’re hurt. I should let you rest.”
She arched her throat, allowing me greater access. “I should push you away and order you to never come near me again.”
I sucked in a harsh breath as my head shot up. “Is that what you want?”
Her hazel eyes glowed. “Not at all.”
“Then why—”
“You said you should let me rest. And I replied with an equally silly suggestion.”
I scowled. “It’s not silly that I finally value your life. That I would rather end my own than yours.”
She cupped my cheek. “No, that’s not silly.” Pulling me down for a kiss, she murmured into my mouth, “Just like it’s not silly for me to admit that I love you too. That all the should-dos and common sense decisions no longer have any hold on us. Only we matter. Only we understand why we can’t fight this. Why we’re no longer in control of how we feel, how we should act, or what we should do.” She ran her touch over my cheekbone. “I don’t take a single second with you for granted. I’m grateful that Jareth didn’t knock out more of your memory. I’m thankful that you remember. That you remember me. That you...love me.”
“Always.” I kissed her, harder this time, balancing on soft and savage.
She moaned as our tongues swept and stroked.
Letting some of my weight blanket her, I gave in to the heady sensation of just kissing. Nothing more. I wanted to memorize every inch. To take my time. To touch her with whispers instead of horrors.
I want to be worthy.
Her heart pounded against mine as our kiss grew deeper. A throaty moan escaped her and I pulled back, locking eyes with her. I searched her heated stare, her slightly drunken face.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked.
I’d never been asked that.
Never understood the power in such words or the way they’d flash through me with even more love for this girl. I had it wrong. I didn’t need to vandalize and monopolize her to be vindicated. I just needed to let her in. To love. To be brave enough to give up my life for someone worthier than me.
She shook her head, wincing a little from the fresh bruises around her neck. “No.”
I looked around us, drinking in the forest with shards of sunlight spearing through the trees. It was beautiful and also wild. It offered food and a home but could also kill without malice or care. The fact that I had Gemma on her back while she held my heart in her hands, in the very same place where death and life resided, was symbolic.
We lay in the center of a circle. The circle of life as it ebbed and flowed, not caring who it hurt, blessed, or doomed. Beneath us were bones of animals and people. Their remains now part of the woods that’d sustained me for the past decade while I’d waited for salvation.
Goosebumps shot down my back.
I wanted her.
The desire in my blood was hungry for connection and pleasure, but it was more than that. I wanted to sink inside Gemma while we lay on the top of dead bastards. I wanted them to see what love looked like, not hate. As much as they’d tried to rob me of a future, I wanted them to know that this incredible girl had given it back to me.
I want to show them I survived.
I needed her to understand that. That this wasn’t me unable to control myself. That I wasn’t twisted enough to lay claim to her after another man had knocked me out. Wherever Jareth was, I was grateful. I would shake his hand the next time we met because he’d protected her for me, from me.
“I want you.” I brushed aside a lock of hair on her cheek. “I want you, away from Fables, beneath the sun and amongst the trees. But most of all, I want you here. Where I ended a nightmare and chose a different future. I know now why I didn’t leave this valley.” I nudged her nose with mine. “I was waiting for you. I was waiting to live and now...now I want to start living. I want you to show me how. I want...”
Her lips smashed against mine, violent when I was doing my best to be gentle. Her hands looped into my hair, pulling me onto her.
“Gem—” I mumbled between kisses. “Tell me to stop if you’re too sore. If I hurt you too much—”
“Shut up, Kas.” She opened wider, kissing me harder.
With a groan, I gave in.
I let her sweep me out of the shame of hurting her and straight into intoxication. Her hips rose beneath me, her feet hooking against the back of my thighs as her nightgown rose up her legs.
Something let go inside her. Propriety fell away. The way she rocked against me, kissed me, and invited more reminded me of something.
Something on the outskirts of my mind.
Something...familiar.
The slosh of water came and went.
The crackle of a fire.
The heat of her body and wetness of her need as I slid inside her.
Her lusty scream as I fucked her, sending water spilling over the—
My eyes flew wide as pieces of something forgotten exploded into my mind. “I remember...”
She searched my face, lips kiss-swollen and breath quick. “Remember what?”
“The bath.”
She froze for a second, then smiled. “You do?” Taking a breath, she added, “All of it? What we talked about? What we did?”
“I remember fucking you. You...wanted me. You honest to fucking God wanted me.”
Her cheeks blazed. “I did.” She rose up and kissed me. “I want you now.”
I shook my head with disbelief. No lies in her tone. No ulterior motives. Just honesty and love.
I folded over her, kissing her reverently.
Another spark ignited in her. She bit my bottom lip, demanding more.
My mind swam, but I did my best to stay soft, slow, gentle.
She let out a frustrated groan. “Stop holding back.”
“I’m trying to give you what you deserve.”
“Then let go. Be with me.” Her hand dropped down my body, pushing my shorts over my ass.
“Wait—” I grunted as her hand dipped between us. Grabbing my hard-on, she thumbed the tip, driving me fucking insane. “I’m trying to go slow. I want to treat you right this time.”
“You treat me right every time.” She stroked me, making my vision stutter. “It’s never been like this with anyone before. I like what you do to me. I love being wild with you.”
I grunted again as she jerked me off, using her other hand to push my shorts down my thighs. I clenched my teeth, struggling to speak around the bliss she granted. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
She wrapped her fingers tighter, wriggling beneath me. “You’re not. Not anymore.”
“Christ, you’re not making this easy.” I dropped my forehead to her chin, fighting for control as my hips arched on their own accord, filling her hand. “I want to be slow. To make you come and—”
“I don’t need soft, Kas,” she whispered in my ear. “I just need you. I need you however you need me.” Letting my cock go, she yanked up her nightgown, revealing her wetness. I glanced down. My head swam as pain pulsed. Where Jareth had struck me pounded in time with my heartbeat. Whiteness flickered on the edge of my vision, hinting I was playing a dangerous game.
Would I black out the moment I sank inside her? Would I forget?
Please, God, don’t let me forget.
How could I tell her I was afraid?
Afraid of losing her, of hurting her.
I didn’t trust my own mind.
“Gem, I—”
“It’s okay, Kas.” She arched her back, pressing our bodies together, angling me against her wet entrance. “Stay with me. Just...stay, and everything will be okay.”
My eyes snapped closed as instinct took over.
I surged forward.
I thrust my entire length inside her.
She cried out.
I groaned.
We shuddered and clung to each other as the sensation of being whole, of becoming complete swamped me.
I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t breathe.
All I could do was feel.
Feel her heat wrapped around me, her heart galloping against mine, her hands latched onto my hips.
My headache roared with new agony, compounding with dizziness and threatening white blankness. Digging my fingers into the dirt, I fought to stay with her. I lost my bearings. I forgot simple things. I growled as the world exploded outward and inward, scrambling me up inside.
Stay.
Stay with her.
Ghosts of Quell, Sarez, and Wes surround me.
The trees whispered with punishments.
The breeze licked across my naked ass like a whip bringing pain.
I couldn’t even thrust inside her.
I was on the precipice of blacking out.
“Gem...I...you need to get away—” I buckled over, crushing her as I fought so goddamn hard not to give in.
She stroked my back.
She kept me anchored.
But it wasn’t enough.
I felt myself slipping, falling, growing dark even as white light blinded me.
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CHAPTER SEVEN
I HAD A REASON for wanting Kas right there and then.
It went past wanting to cement any hope that he’d one day be stable enough not to hurt me. It was more than some misplaced desire after being strangled.
It was my way of, once again, protecting him.
One chance.
Jareth had given him one chance.
And this was me, using that one chance to ensure that the man who’d saved my life and so casually placed a guillotine over Kas’s knew that if I could forgive what Kas just did to me, then he could too.
He had no right to hurt this man, not after everything I’d sacrificed and achieved. Not after weeks of living in fear, slowly gaining his trust, inching my way closer and closer to a sane man who could become my everything.
So yes, I became an exhibitionist.
I was aware every second of Jareth watching.
I felt his eyes on us all while I caught the occasional thread of cigarette smoke as we kissed.
I heard his sharp inhale as I encouraged Kas to thrust inside me.
It went against all etiquette that I’d been raised with. I willingly put on a show for a dangerous stranger, all to protect a dangerous lover.
I didn’t know if Jareth watched because he liked to perve or he was honestly waiting to see if Kas would try to kill me again.
A part of me rebelled at the idea of anyone seeing me have sex while another part was grateful that I had a guard ready to step in if things went too far. But another piece of me, a deeper, darker piece...actually liked it.
I was wet knowing another male watched me be taken by the man I’d chosen. A man not entirely functional or trustworthy. A man who was dominant and aggressive, who suddenly wanted to treat me as if I was made of spun glass.
No matter what I did, Kas didn’t snap. He didn’t let lust cloud his self-control.
I respected that. I wanted to honor that.
But I needed him to let go—to prove to Jareth that I was safe. That he was strong enough to fight his demons and love me instead of hurt me.
He said he was in love with me.
Heat flared in my heart.
Passion flowed in my blood.
I wrapped my legs around him, burning up with connection and the need to be taken.
Roughly, completely, eternally.
Kas grunted as his hips obeyed, driving deeper and claiming me.
I shivered and clawed at his back.
Kas was going to leave this valley.
He was going to go home with me, willingly.
He was going to get physical and mental help.
And we’ll live happily ever after.
And there was no way in hell Jareth was going to get in the way of that.
Kas shuddered above me, his cock deep within my body, his weight pinning me on the ground. Tingles shot through my clit for a release. I wanted him to move. To fuck me like he had in the bath.
But he just froze, his breath hitched and eyes closed.
Sweat broke out over his brow. Goosebumps puckered his skin. He looked as if he fought so damn hard to stay with me but was losing with every heartbeat.
Shaking his head, he tried to roll off me.
I held him, locking my legs around his naked hips. “Stay. Stay with me. Just breathe. It’s okay.” I stroked his back as he groaned and trembled.
His hips thrust again, filling me with tease and torment. Kissing me, he poured agony down my throat. “I don’t know if I can. My head isn’t right...”
“Just hold on to me.” I ran my hands through his hair, kissing him softly, kneading his headache. Even after Jareth punched him in the skull, he hadn’t lost anymore pieces. I know Kas wouldn’t agree, but he’d improved. Ever since Jareth had walked into the valley, Kas had been...better. Not cured, not fixed, but definitely better.
“I love you, Gem. I won’t hurt you again. I won’t fucking do it.” Withdrawing, he pushed off me and tripped to the side. His shorts clung to his thighs as he pressed both palms to his temples, warding off whatever nightmares and amnesia had come for him.
While Kas inhaled gulps of air, his cock glistening in the spears of sunlight, boots crunched through the undergrowth.
My heart leaped into my throat, wrenching my eyes behind me as I shoved down my nightgown and stood. “Stay away from him.” I held up my hand. “You saw he’d rather get away from me than hurt me. He did the right thing.”
Kas buckled over, seemingly unaware I spoke to someone else, drowning beneath his headache.
Jareth eyed me lazily before skating his appraisal over Kas, his cigarette dangling off his bottom lip. He slow clapped with sarcasm. “Well, I must say, I’ve seen better sex from virgins.”
Kas snapped upright, his arms falling to his sides. He blinked at Jareth as if he couldn’t understand. Then awareness flooded his face, and he glanced down at his naked cock. His hands flew to cover himself, cupping his length and touching a part of his body that always seemed to trigger his worst memories.
I sucked in a breath.
Jareth cocked his head.
And Kas howled as if his hands caught on fire. He ripped his touch away, yanked up his shorts, and gasped as if a panic attack had crawled its way through his chest.
Jareth sniffed. “Interesting. Still have that phobia, huh?”
Kas bared his teeth. “It’s not a phobia, you bastard.”
“Definitely something you should’ve gotten over by now.”
“Shut it.” Wiping his palms on his shorts, Kas turned and stalked back toward me. Planting himself in front of me, he turned to face Jareth as if preparing to protect me all over again. “What the hell are you doing here anyway?” His face etched with darkness. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t and will never share.”
Jareth chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry, brother. I wasn’t watching her.” His eyes narrowed. “I was watching you.” He glanced at me, giving me a slight nod. “And you passed. Gemma knows what I mean.” Turning on his heel, he added, “I’m going back to the house. I’m still sore from the ass-kicking you gave me yesterday. I either need a drink or drugs. Preferably both.”
Kas said coldly, “There are no more painkillers, and I drank Storymaker’s stock.”
Jareth cracked a grin over his shoulder. “You drank everything? Every bottle in the cellar?” Whistling under his breath, he shook his head. “Impressive. I’m surprised you’re still alive. Your liver should’ve given out.”
“It was over the course of a year.”
Jareth’s attention turned sharp. “A year-long party for one, huh? Tried to kill yourself through alcohol?”
Kas didn’t flinch beside me. “Something like that.”
They held the stare for a while, unsaid things flying between them. Finally, Jareth nodded. “I saw a few bottles in the games room. They’ll do.”
“I was saving those.” Kas took my hand, leading me away from the grave, his solid and strong fingers wrapped around mine.
“What for?” Jareth asked slyly. “To celebrate love? To drown your sorrows when you kill her?”
I flinched. “No one is killing anyone.”
“Not while I’m here at least.” Jareth threw me a pointed stare, stomping out his cigarette. “However, I’m not sticking around. So I suggest that you, Gemma, give up and go home and you—” He arched his chin at Kas. “Figure out how to touch your own cock without getting PTSD.”
He left before Kas could hit him, jogging into the trees and vanishing into the dappling light.
* * * * *
Jareth looked up from pouring an incredibly generous amount of amber liquor into three glasses, his eyes narrowing as Kas and I stepped into the games room. “Took you long enough.”
Kas didn’t say anything.
He’d been quiet on the walk back, holding my hand as if he’d never let me go. Occasionally, he’d glance at me as if he couldn’t quite follow the sequence of events since Jareth had strolled into his valley. When we stepped over the threshold back into Fables, he’d raised our interlinked hands and kissed the back of my knuckles, sending butterflies dancing through my belly.
The way he’d looked at me? God, it’d stolen my breath.
His dark eyes...changed.
As we stood barely inside the doorway, a decision seemed to manifest in his gaze.
I couldn’t move, couldn’t look away. Not because his eyes were clouded with demons and etched with pain like usual, but because they were...clear. So clear they almost sparkled with resolution, as if whatever had happened on the walk back had given him some light, some hope, some power to change things he hadn’t been able to change before.
It’d sent my heart hiccupping with questions.
I’d wanted to stop and talk without Jareth’s presence.
I wanted to know what’d happened to change his shadowy stare into one blazing with conviction.
I wanted to check his head was okay, that his memories weren’t too crippling, that he was still him. We needed to talk—to finally have a conversation about all the things we’d either ignored or not been brave enough to broach, but he’d just shook his head, pressed a final kiss to my skin, and guided me into the ivy-covered mansion where so much badness had happened.
The strange thing was...walking through the foyer to join Jareth in the games room had felt different. The house wasn’t as heavy. The walls not as cloying. There were cracks appearing. Cracks brought about by a cold-hearted brother who’d returned, somehow reminding the trapped brother to breathe. To step out of his prison and see that he could survive, after all.
Jareth grabbed two of the heavy glass tumblers and came toward us. “Here. Seeing as there are no drugs, this will have to do.” He peered at the redness on Kas’s temple from where he punched him. “That hurt?”
Kas shrugged. “My head hasn’t exactly felt the best for a while.”
“In that case, have a drink. Alcohol makes most things better.”
Kas cracked a smile. “If that was the case, I would’ve stayed drunk.”
Jareth turned serious, their bond sharing things I wasn’t privy to. “Not gonna lie, I came close to drinking myself into oblivion too.” His head tilted a little, the cords in his neck stark with a fine line of ink creeping out of his collar. “I know the reasons I stopped. But why did you?” He handed the glass to Kas, his jaw clenched with his own past.
Kas took the heavy tumbler, swirling the generous pour inside.
I waited for him to either deflect, refuse to reply, or plain just shut down. The Kas I’d grown to know didn’t do well talking about the past. I’d accepted he might never be ready to—
“I stopped because it was either death by liquor or death by starvation.” Inhaling roughly, Kas shocked me stiff as he continued, “It was year three, I think? Three years I lasted on my own, not knowing who I was or why I was alone, eating my way through a house filled with food. But then...the food was almost gone. I was forced to make a choice—leave or figure out a way to make more.” He kept staring into the alcohol in his hand. “I didn’t know the first thing about gathering or growing. So...I ignored it for as long as I could. Each time I’d finish a packet or empty the last can, I’d be faced with a decision I couldn’t make. I didn’t know why I couldn’t leave, but if I couldn’t leave, then how could I stay? How could I stay if I didn’t know how to replenish everything that I’d eaten?”
He sighed and raised the glass to his lips, taking a small sip. “The night I took my first drink was the first night I was able to relax and not worry about a future I didn’t even know if I wanted. I drank myself into a stupor, woke up the next morning, and did it all over again. I grew addicted to the numbness, the peace from horrors I couldn’t even remember. All spring and summer, I kept drinking, ignoring the fact that my diet had become stale crackers and copious amounts of vodka. I didn’t care I lost weight and grew weak because I had plenty of alcohol. So many more bottles than packets and cans.”
He took another sip, his voice haunting and cold at the same time. “It was so easy to continue drinking, sleeping, and forgetting. And that was the kicker...I kept waiting to figure out why I liked forgetting when I’d already forgotten. I didn’t know my name, my family, or my history. For five years, I forgot about you, about Storymaker, about everything. But fuck, that dark shit stayed inside me, taunting me to remember. Alcohol helped.” He laughed under his breath. “It helped way too much. It got to the point I couldn’t function without being blind fucking drunk.”
Jareth handed me the second glass, his attention still on Kas. “What snapped you out of it?”
Kas shrugged, bringing his glass to his lips again. His eyes met mine, crystal clear with clarity instead of shadows. A clarity that was new and oh so wonderful, even while he willingly waded through his past. “I chose to live. By the end of winter, I’d almost run out of alcohol, and I’d definitely run out of food. I was starving all the time. I resorted to eating cockroaches and whatever animal I could get my hands on. By spring, I’d had enough. I wasn’t ready to die even though it would’ve been so, so easy. I turned to books instead of booze. I suffered withdrawal for a while—looking at the same bottle you just opened, salivating like an addict for just one sip. But I wanted to keep those last few bottles for the day when I couldn’t do it anymore.”
