Текст книги "Fable of Happiness book three"

Автор книги: Pepper winters

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She’d been generous since I’d fallen off the cliff, gifting me pills when my headache grew too bad, but now I needed an entire handful. My headache needed to piss off so I could figure this shit out.

Jareth’s arrival wasn’t a coincidence, was it? His appearance was suspicious.

I didn’t like it.

“Look, let’s start somewhere easier,” Jareth muttered. “I’ll tell you what I can, okay? And then you...do the same.”

I nodded stiffly. “Fine.”

“Okay then.” He sat taller, eyeing me carefully. “Who’s the girl?”

Everything inside me grew claws. I struggled not to snarl, drowning beneath overprotectiveness. “Someone whose life means more to me than any other. So I suggest, if you want to keep breathing, that you treat her well.”

He nodded as if my declaration that Gemma came before anyone else made total sense. “I figured as much. The way you watch her...” He shrugged. “You gave us your pain to keep us safe, but her? You’d give her your life.”

I clenched my hands, relishing in the stings from my cuts. Was that true? Had I truly allowed myself to put her first in everything? I’d felt it when I’d kissed her earlier tonight. I’d suffocated beneath it as I’d run from hurting her. But I didn’t know if I’d be strong enough to stay committed.

It’d taken literally everything I had to love my family, and look where that got me. If I allowed myself to care for Gemma that deeply, that was it. My life was no longer mine.

Ever again.

Love came with consequences. So many fucking consequences. The main one being...I still had to set her free. And how the fuck was I supposed to survive when I said goodbye?

Jareth interrupted my chaotic thoughts. “Don’t kill me until you hear the full story, but...is her name Gemma Ashford?”

A low growl started in the back of my throat. “How? How the fuck do you know her name?”

Jareth snickered. “Found a Jeep at the top of the ridge. Documents inside were addressed to a Gemma Ashford.”

“You went rifling through her stuff?”

“Hey.” He held up a hand with mock hurt. “It was an abandoned vehicle. I needed somewhere to sleep. No keys, though.”

I smiled icily. “I know. I threw them over the cliff in a storm. They’ll be buried beneath dirt by now.”

“And you did that why?”

If Jareth was any other man, I wouldn’t answer. But...we had history. If anyone would understand, it was him. He’d understand, possibly even more so than any of our family. “She was trying to leave me.”

He paused, his bi-colored eyes darting over mine. “So...let me figure this out. She found you. You kept her. You used her. Then she tried to run?” His face suddenly broke into a savage smile. “So, you did get retribution. You tasted power instead of helplessness.”

“I’m not proud of it.”

“Why the fuck not? Bet it helped, right?” He leaned forward, his voice dropping with black secrets. “Once I tasted that sort of power...” He rolled his eyes, whistling under his breath even as a cut reopened on his bottom lip. “It gave me the strength to change everything.”

I stilled. “What happened to you, Jareth?”

He shut down, his face going blank and cold.

If I was relearning I had a heart, then Jareth had eaten his for breakfast. In that, we were different. I guessed we’d always been different, ever since the day he’d returned from two weeks of punishment when he was a teen.

I’d feared something had switched in him, and it appeared it hadn’t switched back.

I glanced at the doorway where Gem had vanished to. As much as I was grateful that Jareth was alive and he’d made the effort to return, I wasn’t comfortable with him in the house with her.

Not now.

Standing, I cursed the room as it rolled beneath my feet. “It’s late. We better get some rest.”

Jareth stood too, hissing beneath his breath at whatever wounds I’d given him. “Let me ask you a question, brother.” He stepped toward me, menacing but also curious. “Has this place healed you or fucked you up even further? Staying on your own? Letting the past eat you alive?” He looked me up and down. “I came back here fully believing I’d find a ramshackle mansion full of raccoons, yet I found a half-dead creature instead. I thought you were smarter than this. If any of us was gonna make it, it was you.”

I stepped into him, bristling with anger. “Don’t presume shit you can’t understand.”

“Oh, I understand. I see more than you think.”

“In that case, you should watch what you say to me.”

“And you should grow a set of balls and get the fuck away from this place.”

“Don’t test me, Jareth.”

“Or what? I might finally knock some sense into you?”

My chest bumped his. A fight built between us again. I didn’t know where it’d come from or why I had the sudden urge to knock him unconscious, but I couldn’t deny his company forced me to face so many fucking things.

I no longer had the urge to protect him.

I had the urge to protect Gemma.

To protect what she’d given me.

The memories Jareth had awakened wouldn’t leave me alone. Ghosts licked around every table and chair. Horrors dripped down the walls. I wanted it all gone. I was ready to be done with this. I was finally at a pinnacle where making a choice between the family I’d failed and a woman I desperately wanted to deserve was no longer impossible.

Thanks to Jareth, he’d made that choice for me.

Gemma.

I choose Gem.

“Go on then,” Jareth hissed. “Hit me. I know you want to.”

His violence tripped mine, tangling us together. And somehow, instead of pushing me over the edge, it pulled me back. It helped me gulp a breath and shove aside rage that had nothing to do with this man. “I don’t want to hit you, brother.” I dropped my voice to a breath. “That was a mistake I won’t repeat.”

“A mistake that might’ve helped remind you of who you truly are.”

“And who am I?”

His gaze softened just a little. “You’re our guardian. A legend. A kid who should’ve died with the amount of abuse you suffered, yet you just took it all anyway. You took it for us, and even now, you’re still putting us first.” His hand reached out and touched mine. “Try putting yourself first for once. Not her. Not me. Not them. Stop fucking yourself over by staying here. This place is sick. It’s making you sick.”

His touch sent agony through my blood. His voice crippled my broken mind.

I needed to leave.

Gemma entered the room just as I took a step back.

She froze, watching us, sensing the animosity and honesty bristling in the air. In her hands balanced three bowls of packet pasta—the last rations from her backpack. A box of painkillers fell from beneath her arm as she looked between us, trying to figure out if she should run, grab a weapon, or leave us be.

She was so fucking beautiful. So forgiving. So strong.

Jareth was right that this place had made me sick, but Gemma...she’d cured me. She’d set me free even while I still lived in hell.

My body hummed with need.

Desire blazed through my veins. The unfinished kiss and unsatisfied lust from earlier this evening returned full force. I wanted her. I wanted her so fucking much.

Turning my back on Jareth, I marched toward her and pulled her close, doing my best not to dislodge the pasta bowls in her hands. Pressing a kiss to her temple, I murmured, “I’m sorry.”

She shivered. “Sorry for what?”

“Everything.”

She laughed once. “That’s a big apology.”

I inhaled her, imprinting her smell, hoping that if I ever had another blank moment, I would always remember. I wouldn’t forget any of this. All this progress. All this truth. I didn’t think I’d have the strength to have such epiphanies all over again.

And this epiphany was big enough to drive a blade straight through my heart.

No matter what happened.

No matter how fucking bad my thoughts became or my past tried to drown me, Gemma would always come first. Jareth was wrong. I wasn’t the one who came first, she did.

She deserved that because it was the only way I could show just how much I loved her.

“I’m sorry for running before.” Nuzzling her hair, I pulled away, uncaring that Jareth watched everything. “I...we need to talk. I need to...explain.”

Her eyes turned soft with gold-flecked hazel. “I’d like that.”

I smiled, doing my best to hide the sudden fear that perhaps I wasn’t ready. I might never be ready. I might never find the words to—

“Is that for us?” Jareth asked, his voice deceptively lazy and cool. “’Cause I’m starving.”

He broke the spell. Gemma stepped away from me and held up the bowls while nudging the pill packet on the carpet with her toe. “It’s the last of my supplies. I figured you had a long hike. You’d want more than just bare necessities.”

Jareth came forward and scooped the painkillers from the floor and took a bowl from Gemma. “Appreciate it.”

It didn’t escape my notice that she tensed when his fingers brushed hers. Or the way her gaze stayed on him the entire time he moved across the room and sat back in his chair by the unlit fireplace.

“It’s okay,” I breathed. “He won’t hurt you.”

She glanced at me as I added, “I won’t hurt you, either. Never again. You have my absolute word. You’re safe...from both of us.”

She nodded slowly, giving me a brave smile. “I know.” Stepping into me, she pecked my cheek before scooting around me and heading toward the coffee table. Placing the two bowls down, she sat and patted the couch beside her.

Jareth poured a handful of painkillers into his mouth and swallowed them dry. Gemma sat prim and regal even in a nightgown hidden beneath a hoodie. A scene of simplicity and normalcy, yet it was as fantastical to me as the books in the library.

My head ached as I headed toward Gem.

My mouth watered for other things than pasta.

My mind still struggled to segment past, present, and future.

But as I sat beside her, as she reached for my hand and handed me a bowl of food she’d prepared, my heart burst inside my chest.

How fucking lucky was I?

A meal.

A meal shared by two people I loved.

A meal that hopefully symbolized something new.

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CHAPTER FIVE

I WOKE TO A noise.

Sunlight blinded me from the glass roof of the conservatory, hinting it was early afternoon. Memories of the past few hours came back in pieces.

Sharing a meal with Kas and Jareth. The strained small talk between people who had far too much heaviness to speak about light. And the inevitable exhaustion that ensured we all slinked away to find somewhere to sleep once our stomachs were full.

Kas had waited until Jareth had left the room. Neither of us had asked where he’d sleep, and he hadn’t volunteered that information. I didn’t know how successful I’d be at relaxing with him in the house, but Kas had pulled me into a hug and held me, distracting me from everything else but his smell, his heat, his nearness.

A simple, wonderful hug that I didn’t think he’d ever be capable of.

He’d grunted as if shocked he’d done such a thing.

As if a hug was a different language he’d forgotten how to speak.

I melted into him.

All my worries and struggles—from every day since I’d found this valley—went up in smoke thanks to his incredible arms around me.

I’d been hugged before, but I’d never felt how I did in Kas’s arms.

I felt...treasured.

Wanted.

Worshiped.

I’d hugged him back, binding my arms around his waist, the chain belt he wore digging in my skin.

We’d stood like that forever.

Both of us swaying with tiredness.

I wanted to go to bed together. To sleep in his arms and wake up to his kisses. We needed to talk. Tonight felt different. It felt as if he was finally ready to face what he was dealing with, and I didn’t want to let that gift go.

But when he’d pulled away and kissed me gently, his eyes were black with pain and weariness. Whatever mental wounds he still had from his concussion had pushed him past conversation.

If he didn’t sleep, he’d black out. And if he blacked out, who knew if all this incredible progress would be deleted.

I wanted him too much to push him too hard.

I could be patient now that he’d given me a glimmer of hope.

I’d placed the remaining painkillers into his fist and tugged him toward my blankets in the conservatory. But he’d pulled against my invitation, giving me a heart-breaking smile. “I promise you, I’m ready to face what I’ve been running from. I want to ask what happened between us in the library. I want to know what happened in the bath we shared, seeing as I still can’t remember. I’m ready to be with you, Gem. But...I still can’t sleep with you.”

I’d opened my mouth to argue, but he merely pressed a finger to my lips. “I don’t want to hurt you. And after tonight...after Jareth’s return and everything else, I can’t guarantee your safety.” His eyes had been so gentle. The kindest I’d ever seen.

Whatever had switched inside him made faith blaze bright in my chest. It promised that all my struggles and trials where this man was concerned were justified. He wasn’t just beginning to live again, he was choosing to.

He was choosing me over death.

Choosing hope over loss.

Choosing happiness over misery.

So I did the only thing I could. I kissed him good night. I watched him head toward the staff stairs to the dorm, then snuggled into my makeshift bedroom in the conservatory and fell asleep.

How many hours had passed since then?

Was Kas still asleep or—

The noise came again.

The same noise that’d woken me. Heavy and violent. A bang or a thud.

Fear flew down my legs.

Kas.

Ripping off my blankets, I shot to my feet and headed into the foyer. The sun shone through the windows and skylights, but the air was cool, feeling more autumn than summer. My hoodie offered some protection, but I still hugged myself as I padded over cold marble, my ears pricking for another sound.

It came again, louder this time, closer.

I broke into a run.

What if Jareth was doing something he shouldn’t? What if Kas was in trouble?

Darting down the corridor toward the kitchen, I slammed to a stop as I found the back door wide open.

Kas never left it open.

Stepping outside, I peered into the bright sunshine.

There.

A figure in the distance, running as if coyotes were hunting him.

Kas.

Where the hell is he going this time?

Panic flared. Watching him vanish into the woods reminded me too much of last night. Of him running from me just as we were about to have sex. The way he’d retched and acted like a man at the end of his limit. A man with no other option.

Surely, after what he’d said before we went to bed, he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He had me now. He’d accepted he had me. He wouldn’t hurt himself or look for a permanent way out.

Would he?

“Kas!” My body chose the only option; I ran.

I flew out of the kitchen and gave chase.

My sore feet from running barefoot last night bellowed in discomfort as twigs and debris poked me. But it didn’t stop me. I didn’t slow. Worry drove me. Worry and fear and the need to help the man I loved.

I kept running as Kas vanished into the thicker trees, doing my best to follow and not lose him. Shadows fell over me from leaf-falling branches. The chill in the air wrapped around me as I charged into the forest after him.

My skin prickled as he slowed up ahead.

I knew this place.

I recognized it and all the evil it represented.

Slowing, I sucked in a breath as Kas dropped to his knees on the dirt where he’d once marched to kill me. An area of forest where nothing grew, not even weeds.

He sank forward, digging at the ground. A snarl ripped up his throat. “You’re dead. You can’t have her. I won’t fucking let you.”

I halted on the graveyard, breathing hard.

Kas continued to dig, his hands scooping and nails clawing at the earth. “I buried you. You can’t touch her.”

My heart thundered.

What did he see that I couldn’t?

What nightmare was he stuck in this time?

“Kas?” I stepped forward carefully. “Are you—?”

“Gem.” He growled my name, adding more speed, more mania to his bare-fingered digging. “Fuck, Gem!”

He didn’t see me—not in the same world as me.

Whatever he was thinking broke him apart. He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand, smearing blood and dirt.

Blood?

Had he hurt himself?

Unable to stand there while he dreamed whatever he dreamed, I stepped into the clearing. Memories of Kas marching me out here with a spade at my back came thick and fast. We’d tumbled in that very spot. We’d become enslaved to the raw connection between us before I’d struck him on the head and run.

That day, I’d left him alone to perish or survive, choosing myself over him.

Today, I choose him.

With fear lodged in my throat and my heart racing, I closed the distance between us. Kas continued to attack the ground, throwing dirt left and right.

A small hole had formed, giving way under his onslaught, digging into the grave where he’d thrown the monsters of this place.

Why was he trying to dig them up? What sort of horrors did he see?

“Kas?” I touched his shoulder, making him flinch. “Kas, please...it’s me.”

He didn’t respond.

Fury glowed on his face, etching into his skin as he glowered at the graves. “Gem—”

The way he said my name broke my love-sick heart.

I knew I should keep my distance. I knew it wasn’t safe to be near him when he was so entrenched in a nightmare, but I couldn’t let him stay there. I couldn’t leave him trapped.

Dropping to my knees beside him, I reached forward and cupped his hands with mine, stilling his digging. “Stop. It’s okay. Everything is alright.”

His head snapped up. His black, dilated gaze caught mine. I sucked in a breath, hoping against hope that he recognized me and didn’t see someone else.

My hopes went unanswered as he bared his teeth and narrowed his eyes to slits. “You.” He rose on his knees, towering over me. “So you want a piece of her too?”

Who? Who did he think I was?

“It’s me, Kas. No one else. Gemma. Wake up. Please, please wake up.”

He threw himself at me, his speed inhuman in the shadows. Pinning me onto my back with my legs splayed in front of me, he looped his fingers around my neck.

“Don’t!” Terror shot through my blood as he wedged his hips into mine, grinding me into the earth.

“You’ve taken them all. You’ve taken me, but you’ll never have her. I’ll kill you all over again if I have to.” He nuzzled his nose against mine, full of threats and warnings. “I’ll kill all of you.”

I bucked up with my hips, making him rock above me. “Stop!”

But it wasn’t any use.

His hands latched tighter around my neck, his thumbs wedging against my voice box. “There’s no way out of this. No way you don’t die tonight for trying to hurt her. You. Can’t. Have. Her.”

I fought.

I kicked and scratched.

I tried to speak, but his hands cut off my oxygen.

Black spots appeared in my vision.

Blinding panic drenched me.

I fought harder.

I gasped.

I thrashed.

My lungs burned for air.

Kas, please!

I was choking.

Dying.

All his promises about not hurting me again. All the newness of togetherness and hope.

It meant nothing.

We were back to repeating the past.

A shape collided into Kas, knocking him sideways, unlocking his hands from around my throat.

I rolled onto my side, gulping forest-thick air.

A grunt sounded beside me as the two men grappled. Two furious blurs pouring toxic pain and lethal hatred into the grave they fought upon.

With black spots still dancing in my vision, I scooted backward until I sat on the edge where grass dared to grow. An obvious ring around the monsters Kas had buried here. I gulped and rubbed my bruised neck, never looking away from the savage fight.

The second one in a few short hours.

A fight where Jareth seemed to be winning.

I cried out as his fist swung true, striking Kas’s temple with a sickening crunch.

“No!” I fell forward onto my hands and knees, doing my best to command heavy limbs to crawl to them. “His c-concussion—” I coughed around the swelling Kas had given me. “Don’t hit h-his...head!”

Too late.

Jareth struck again and sprang to his feet, acting as if the beating Kas had given him had miraculously healed. Backing away, he flexed his hands, looking down at Kas who didn’t get up.

Panic replaced my racing pulse. “No.” Crawling toward Kas, I felt arms hook around my waist, stopping me. I fought as Jareth pulled me back, putting distance between us and Kas who lay on his back, his arms spread, legs splayed, lips parted, and eyes closed. His long hair was crowned with leaves, his beard covered in pieces of bracken.

He didn’t open his eyes.

“What did you d-do?” I coughed, shoving Jareth off me with a burst of fury. “Let me go!”

He released me, towering over me while his blue and brown eyes stayed locked on Kas. He didn’t answer, just kept staring with a blank, harsh expression on his feral face.

Tears flowed down my cheeks as trembling hijacked my body.

How had all of this happened?

Last night had felt like a turning point. Kas had meant what he’d said. He’d been ready to step into the light and allow me to help guide him toward happiness. Yet now...now he lay in the dirt, and I sat at the feet of the man who’d knocked him out.

He saved your life.

I flinched as my gaze flickered to Jareth.

His jaw clenched as he continued looking at Kas, his fingers opening and closing. Where had he been? Did he follow us? How had he found us so quickly?

Regardless of what he’d done to Kas—possibly setting him back forever in his concussion recovery—I owed him. If he hadn’t stopped Kas from strangling me, would I still be breathing? Would Kas have stopped or would my premonition have become self-fulfilling? Proving I was right to worry that Kas, no matter his affection and desire for me, wasn’t strong enough to stop the true darkness and chaos inside him.

Jareth suddenly dropped to his haunches beside me. He made no sound. Not a breath of air, not a creak of clothing. Unlike when he’d first arrived in the valley with his leather jacket and bulky backpack—a man walking through the night—he now seemed not entirely real. A figment of some twisted imagination. A phantom that’d saved my life but might just require that life in payment.

His hand landed on my chin, pushing my head sideways as his eyes locked onto my neck.

I shoved him away, coughing slightly. “Don’t touch me.”

He sniffed and dug an index finger into the ground for balance. “There’s old bruises as well as new on your neck.”

I glowered at him, already seeing where he was going with this.

Jareth wasn’t a normal person. He wasn’t like my brother. He wasn’t like all the other men I’d met before Kas. He’d shared the blackness that Fables had given. He’d been indoctrinated into whatever nightmares Kas still lived.

Of course, he would see pain that others would not. Of course, he would know what caused that pain without needing to ask.

His voice dropped to a gruff rasp. “How many times has he tried to strangle you to death?”

I arched my chin even though it made my throat tingle with the lingering pressure of Kas’s fingers. “None of your business.”

“Oh, I think it is my business.” He cocked his head at Kas who groaned and showed signs of coming to. “He loves you. You know that, right?”

I gritted my teeth and crossed my arms. “I’m not having this conversation. Let me go tend to him. Who the hell knows what you’ve done to his head by knocking him out again. He needs help.”

“Perhaps it will knock him out of the past.” He rubbed his mouth. “Tell me something, Gemma Ashford.”

My ears pricked. How did he know my full name? Had Kas told him when I’d been warming up the pasta? I was aware they shared a past that made their brotherhood impenetrable, but Kas seemed...protective of me. I doubted he’d give up everything about me so soon.

Would he?

When I didn’t reply, Jareth continued in a cold, almost bored voice. “Why are you still here?”

I shivered.

He wasn’t the only one who would ask that question. When, if, I ever made it back to my mother and brother, I would have to answer that. I would have to be able to look people in the eyes and either lie and make Kas sound like an inescapable villain or tell the truth that I stopped trying to leave the day I fell in love with him—which made me sound weak and stupid because who the hell would fall in love with a man who kept trying to kill her?

“He loves you, but it won’t stop him from hurting you when all he can see is the past,” Jareth muttered, picking up a pinecone and throwing it deeper into the woods. “He’s always been angry. I wasn’t the only one who lay awake in our dorm and sensed his rage. It was so thick it filled that small room. It grew worse as he got older. His hatred grew bigger each time one of us was summoned, and his volunteering to take our place was refused.”

His eyes met mine, flat and serious. “It was bad then, but it’s a thousand fucking times worse now.” His hand struck out again, fast and sharp, cupping around my nape and running his thumb over my new bruises. “I know what that feels like. I’ve been where he is. And you know what I did?” He pulled me into him, dragging me off my knees until I fell against his thigh, grabbing it in both hands for balance. “I killed the girl who woke me up. The only one who ever had a hope in hell of making me human.” His eyes stayed locked on mine, diving into me, raping me, poisoning me until I wanted to be sick. “Everything I did was for her, and what did I do? I lost myself to rage and ended up killing her instead.”

Pushing me away, he stood. He winced, showing some sign that his body still hurt from Kas’s fists, but his voice was pure snow as he said, “I love him. Or at least...I did when I remembered what it felt like to feel. I owe him because he set us free that night. And I respect him for trying to crawl out of hell on his own instead of seeking help. But...I should do him a favor and kill him. Right here, right now.” He stepped toward Kas, making me shoot to my feet and sprint unsteadily past him.

Throwing myself over Kas like a protective shield, I hissed, “Don’t you dare touch him.”

Jareth stopped.

For an endless second, I honestly believed he weighed up the pros and cons of just killing both of us. Of taking my life and Kas’s. It would be so easy for him. So simple for a heartless man who’d been taught nothing but cruelty.

A man who had his own agony. His own mistakes. His own black-riddled story.

But then, he slowly pulled a packet of cigarettes from his back pocket. He lifted the lid, tapped the side, pulled out a smoke, and lit it with a silver lighter. Tucking the packet back into his pocket, he dragged in a lungful of tar before narrowing his eyes and pointing at me with the glowing end of the cigarette. “Here’s what will happen, you lovestruck fool. You’ll keep fighting to save him. He’ll keep fighting to deserve you. You’ll both believe you’re winning. That love will prevail. That you’ll both end up happy. But I’m telling you now, that won’t happen. Take it from someone with experience. He will kill you. It’s just a matter of time.”

Kas opened his bleary eyes, choking on a gasp. My attention dropped to him just as Jareth brushed past, ducking to whisper in my ear as a cloud of tobacco smoke licked around him. “One chance. I’ll give him one chance. If he fucks it up, I won’t hesitate next time. I’ll do you a favor and ensure you have nothing holding you here anymore. And I’ll do him a favour by setting him free after a lifetime of being in hell. No one, and I mean no fucking one, should live in this place voluntarily. Call it ruthless. Call it heartless. But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see that it’s actually called mercy.” His teeth flashed as he stood, ice dripping off his every word. “In fact, my mercy will extend past both of you. I’ll kill this entire fucking valley. I’ll destroy it. Burn it to ash. Bulldoze every tree into dust.”

Kas struggled to sit up, his gaze still vacant and not computing his surroundings.

Jareth stepped back, his upper lip sneering in something akin to pity and cool detachment. “One chance.” He held up his finger, smoke curling around his hand. “That one chance starts now.”

He waltzed toward the tree line, chose a particularly weathered-looking pine, crossed his ankles, and leaned his shoulder against the bark.

He took a drag on his cigarette just as Kas bolted upright, his mind rebooting, his memory kicking in, shoving me into fear and panic.

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