Текст книги "The Distance Between"

Автор книги: Zillah De Rigaud

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

was on the first floor in a bright and sunny building that had been constructed only a couple of years ago. I

opened the door with his key and got in. His living room was bright with lightly colored walls and a

kitchen island attached to the living area. His stuff was scattered across the room, some dirty clothes on

the couch, two pairs of shoes just kicked in a corner, books and magazines on his coffee-table and the

floor and his dishes still on the kitchen table. “You are such a pig David,” I whispered with a smile.

On the wall above his couch was a big foam board full of pictures of our family. It had all of us on it;

our parents, Christine and Brad, the twins and me. There were a dozen of pictures of me, some of which I

didn’t even remember being taken. It had me in a goofy football outfit after we’d won a big game back and

me in my prom-suit with a tie that Christine had bought me, looking young and annoyed in to the camera.

There were pictures that we’d taken during a holiday in Mexico with our family when I was sixteen and

some of the two of us in New York. One of them we were sitting on the couch during a party of one of

David’s friends, sharing a bottle of beer, my arm wrapped around his shoulder. Next to the huge foam

board, he’d framed the pictures that I’d sent him from Paris on his birthday. The picture where I was

holding the paper with the heart drawn on, was in the middle. On the coffee table next to the couch, there

was a framed picture of his biological dad too. I picked it up and looked at it. His dad must have been in

his early twenties when it was taken. David looked like him a lot; they had the same wild curly hair and

the same sweet eyes. Looking at his picture I was sure that David’s dad hadn’t been the loser my dad told

me about when I was twelve. But the issue of his death was still a taboo subject in our house… just like

the feelings David and I had for each other were a taboo subject.

I went in to David’s bedroom to pick up some of his clothes. His bed was unmade and some of his

laundry was piled up on the floor. I couldn’t help but pick it up and putting in the laundry basket that was

standing there unused. There were comic books on the floor, X-factor and some older X-men issues.

David always liked to read about super heroes in bed. Next to his bed, on his nightstand, was one more

picture of me; the one that he’d taken during that perfect day at our poolside. I almost choked up when I

saw it and quickly started to cram some of his clothes in a backpack to keep busy. When I walked in to

the bathroom to get his toothbrush, I saw again how bad I looked myself with my bloody clothes. I

stripped off my clothes and took a shower. David’s shampoo smelled like him, the vanilla scent filled the

little shower cabin. When I was finished, I dumped my own clothes and the wet towel in the laundry

basket. I took a pair of David’s jeans out of his closet and put them on, they were just a little too short but

it didn’t look ridiculous. I pulled a fresh T-shirt out of his closet, put it on and headed back to the

hospital.

When I got back to the hospital David was waiting for me. “Hey”, he said when I came in and kissed

him on his head. His face was swollen and bluish. I put his backpack on the chair.

“I’ve brought you some clothes.” He smiled.

“I see that you’re wearing one of my favorite T-shirts, I never imagined you as an X-men fan.” I looked

down at the print for the first time, there was a guy with big claws on the shirt. I hadn’t even seen that

when I put it on.

“I’m wearing your jeans too,” I said and he laughed. “I knew you’d like that,” I smiled. His face turned

serious again.

“Let’s not mention what happened at home alright?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” I replied.

“We’ll just say that I had some stupid accident. I don’t want them to be mad at you.”

“They have every right to be mad at me and so have you. Look at what I did to you.”

“Just pick me up in the morning, I want to go home. I don’t feel like making a big scene out of this. Mom

is so looking forward to that party, I don’t want to ruin things.”

The next morning I picked David up in the hospital and drove him home. “Ah I see that you cleaned up

all the vomit,” he said cynically as he got in the car.

“I did, but it still smells like puke. I’ll get you one of those pine-scented thingies to put on your rearview

mirror. And I couldn’t get all the blood out of the fabric. I spend an hour scrubbing the passenger’s

seat yesterday but nothing helped.”

“You should probably go over to mom and dad’s place and tell them that I’ve had a little accident,” he

said.

“No I’m not going. I don’t want to leave you here all alone in your apartment. You really look like shit.

That nurse said that you have a concussion and that you need to take it easy.”

“Just drop by and tell them that I got hurt but that there’s nothing to worry about. I don’t feel like calling

them now, my mom will rush over here right away and I need to get some more sleep if I want to go to

dad’s party tomorrow.”

“You can’t be serious about going to that stupid party,” I said shocked. “Did you hear what I just said;

you’ve got a concussion. You should stay in bed.”

“I’m very serious and I’m going tomorrow. I feel fine.” He sounded stubborn. I sighed. “I’ll go to your

mom and dad, but I’ll be back in two hours and if I catch you still being up all hell will break loose. I saw

what state you were in yesterday.”

I drove over to our parent’s place. Juliette opened the door and kissed me as I walked in. “Are you

driving David’s car?” she asked me. I nodded. “So where’s David?”

“David has had a little accident,” I said, trying to sound neutral. His mom looked worried. “It’s nothing

serious,” I said and squeezed her hand. “He fell kind of badly when we were hauling some boxes and I

had to take him to the ER to get some stitches.”

“My God, why didn’t you call?” his mom exclaimed. She clasped her mouth with her hand.

“David didn’t want you to worry. He broke his nose but they told us that it’ll heal up just the way it

was.” Juliette was almost in tears.

“He broke his nose? That must have been some accident, are you sure he’s alright?”

“He’s really fine,” I lied. “He wanted to get some more sleep. He’s had a bad night. I promise you that

he’s fine.”

I told the rest of our family the same bullshit story. “Typical of David to do something foolish just before a

big event,” my dad said when we were in the kitchen together. “It really wasn’t his fault,” I said but my

dad wasn’t listening.

Later that day, I drove back to David’s place with some food in plastic containers. His mom had

insisted that I’d bring him some dinner, even though we could just as easily have ordered a pizza. I heated

the food up for him in the microwave. He still looked like shit; pale with a bruised face. He had two

black eyes from the impact my fist had made on his face. I stroked his hair while he lay in bed. This was

the first night that I would sleep in his apartment and it was nothing like I’d imagined. I rolled in bed next

to him and held his hand the entire night.

The next day we woke up around noon. I didn’t remember ever sleeping so long.

“How are you feeling?” I asked David. It hurt looking at him like this, all bruised and swollen because

of me.

“I’m fine. I slept well, how about you?”

“I think you should stay in bed,” I said. “You still don’t look so good.”

“I need to take a piss so I have to get out of bed anyway,” he said dryly.

He walked in to the bathroom and while he was taking a shower I made us both breakfast. We watched

some TV together while we were eating. David insisted that he felt fine and wasn’t nauseated anymore. I

didn’t believe him. He could barely swallow the toast I made for him. I gave him two painkillers that he

swallowed down with a cup of black coffee before I drove to my own place to get dressed for my dad’s

party.

I took a shower at my place and started dressing. I’d bought a new suit especially for the occasion. I put

it on and looked in the mirror to fix my hair. My reflection was staring back at me. What did people see

when they looked at me? A nicely dressed guy in his twenties, who earns enough money to buy himself

expensive clothes. A guy who looks exactly like his handsome dad; sharp features, intense blue eyes, light

blond hair. A guy who can get anything he wants… When I looked at myself I could only see that horrible

jerk who punched the guy he loved. The guy who has to destroy everything. I hated myself.

I drove back to David’s place after I got dressed. My hands were trembling when I got to the car. I

really didn’t want to go to that stupid party, not after what I did.

I tried to convince David again that he should stay at home with his concussion, but it was futile. He

wanted to go and I couldn’t stop him. He’d bought a new suit too and shiny black shoes. I helped him to

knot his tie, which wasn’t really necessary and then escorted him to his own car. “You can drive, I don’t

really feel up to it yet,” he said and I got behind the wheel and drove us to my dad’s party.

30. Party time

When we arrived, there were already a couple of guests. My dad was looking impeccable; a rising

figure in his black Armani suit. He towered above Juliette, although she’s pretty tall too and was wearing

heels. She’d been to the hairdresser and was wearing a perfect shell-pink evening gown with little shiny

studs on it. She wore the earrings and the necklace that we’d bought for her birthday. Brad and Christine

were looking like movie stars too, especially Christine in her dark blue chiffon dress with her hair tied

up. Even the twins looked nice, in matching jackets although they had insisted on wearing white sneakers

instead of the shoes that Juliette had bought for them.

Then my dad notices us walking up to them. “My God David, you look terrible,” was the first thing he

said. “You look like someone punched you in the face!”

“I had a little accident,” David said and laughed. I knew it was a fake laugh, to make his mom and

Christine feel that there was nothing to worry about.

“What happened?” Christine asked while she examined his face.

“I tripped while we were hauling something out of the car and I fell really unlucky,” he lied.

“Did it hurt?” Christine asked with a worried face.

“What does it look like?” David said. “It hurt like hell, but I’ll be alright and it isn’t worth spoiling

mom and dad’s party.

More guests were coming in and Juliette and my dad were busy shaking hands and playing hosts. I

could see my dad glancing over at David once in a while, giving him a disapproving look.

Soon the whole lounge of the hotel was filled with people and everybody was drinking champagne and

waiters were bringing round finger food. It was a warm evening, especially for the time of year, and the

garden outside the hotel was lit with a thousand little lights.

Juliette was radiating with happiness the entire evening. Some people were dancing a little to the band

that David and I had arranged and the twins were swinging their mom round in turns. My dad was busy

talking to some of his partners before he strode over to me. “Everybody keeps asking me what happened

to David. The boy sure looks like a mess.”

“Yeah I know,” I said.

“I can’t believe that he chose this evening to do something stupid again,” my dad continued. A

photographer from the local newspaper, who wanted to do a little background story on my dad’s

anniversary at the firm, interrupted us. He told us it would be nice to show the story of the firm that was

established by my granddad and now had my dad and his son working there as well.

“I’d like to make a picture of the both of you and your family,” the reporter told us and then my dad had

us all assembled. Well, all of us except for David. Nobody gave it much thought. David was outside

talking to someone and not even Christine had thought about calling him inside. When David walked in to

get a drink we’d all just finished posing. I could see the hurt in his eyes while he walked up to dad and

me.

“What were you doing?” he asked dad.

“We were just taking a quick family picture for the local newspaper,” my dad said.

“Didn’t you want to call me so that I could be in it as well?”

“David, you look like you’ve been in a fight. You are in no state to be on a picture for the newspaper

now,” my dad said and then some people who wanted to talk to him interrupted him again.

“Can you believe that?” David asked me.

“It’s just a stupid picture for this dumb local newspaper. You shouldn’t get so worked up about this,” I

said, but I knew what it meant to him being left out.

“Do you want to go outside for a bit? It’s so stuffy in here,” he asked while he was loosening his tie. I

nodded and we walked to the patio with our drinks. David was drinking water because of his concussion

but I’d had a couple of glasses of champagne already and was starting to feel tipsy.

“I think we need to talk,” he told me in a low voice.

“Not now, not at this party,” I said. David reached to touch my hand but in a reflex I withdrew it. I was

still freaked out by showing some affection for him in front of everyone.

“So this is how it’s going to be?” he remarked and turned his back on me to walk inside.

We didn’t talk anymore during the entire evening. It was getting really late and people inside were still

dancing to some Sinatra tunes. My dad and Juliette must be very pleased with the party, it seemed like

everybody was having a good time. Everything had turned out great; the venue, the catering, the music. My

dad came up to me to thank me for helping him arrange everything. His face was red and his hair a bit

tousled from dancing with Juliette. I could see that he’d had a couple of glasses of champagne too many

but I didn’t care; it was his party after all.

We walked outside in the garden together until we found a relatively quiet spot to sit down, next to the

fountain. “I’m really happy how everything turned out Michael,” my dad told me. “Thank you for being

such a great son.” I padded him on his back.

“You’re welcome dad.”

“I wish that David could be a little more like you.”

“David’s a great guy,” I said.

“Yeah I know, it’s just that he always manages to do something stupid, like that accident he just had.”

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“It’s nice of you to defend your brother but this sort of thing would never have happened to you.”

“Really it wasn’t his fault. It was my fault actually,” I blurted out.

“Don’t be absurd, the boy is such a klutz. It’s just like him to be so careless the day before an important

event. You know that everybody thought that he’d been in a fight or something. He looks awful. It’s just

embarrassing.”

“It really is my fault,” I said and looked at my dad seriously. “He’s been in a fight… with me. I punched

him in the face. I’m the one who did this to him.”

“Well I’m sure that he did something to deserve it,” my dad replied.

I was silent for a moment. I wanted to say that of course he didn’t deserve it, that I’d punched him so that

my big secret wouldn’t be revealed. But I couldn’t find the right words.

“You know Michael,” my dad said contemplating, “Sometimes I’m glad that he isn’t my real son after

all.”

At that very moment I turned around and saw David standing a few feet behind us. He must have heard

everything. My dad looked up and saw him too.

“Fuck,” he exclaimed and David dashed inside. My dad got up to follow him. I walked after the both of

them, my heart pounding like crazy. I could hear them talking in the hallway when I came inside.

“David, what I said just came out all wrong,” my dad said, “Please don’t ruin the evening for your

mom.” He looked worried.

“I’m going home dad,” David said and then he looked at me. “You and your perfect son can both go

fuck yourselves.” He put on his coat and dug up his car keys.

“I’ll see you at the office,” my dad tried but David had already left.

31. “I quit.”

On Monday, my dad and I arrived at the office late. I still had a massive headache from drinking too

much on Saturday and not getting enough sleep. When we walked in to the firm, David was already

packing his stuff. When he saw my dad come in he rushed to dad’s office and didn’t even bother to close

the door behind him.

“I quit,” I heard David say, “Here’s my letter of resignation.”

“David what on earth are you talking about?” my dad asked in shock. I waited in the hallway but I could

see David throw the envelope with the letter on my dad’s desk.

“What do you think I’m talking about? I’ve had enough of this bullshit.”

“If this is about what happened at the party… ,” my dad tried.

“Of course it’s about that!” David yelled. “It’s about you telling Michael that I deserved getting

punched in the face. You thought I deserved getting my nose broken and a hole in my skull by your perfect

son.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Like you didn’t mean that you were glad that I’m not your real son!”

“David please calm down,” my dad pleaded. “I had too much to drink and I was stressed out because of

the party. I wanted it to make a good impression on everyone. You know I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah you did,” David said in an icy cold voice. “No matter how hard I’ve tried since my mom

married you, it’s never been enough. I never expected you to love me like you love Michael, but I wish

you could have been proud of me just for one day.”

“I am proud of you,” my dad said, almost begging.

“Well it’s too late for that now. I don’t want so see you or Michael for a while. Tell my mom that I

won’t be coming home.”

“David you can’t do that. Your mom is going to be so upset.”

“I’m sorry about that, but this is the way it’s going to be for a while.” He tried to walk out but my dad

got up and grabbed his arm.

“I’m really sorry David. I do love you just like you brothers and sister.” For a moment he sounded like

he meant it, but David didn’t believe him and walked out the door. I tried to stop him in the hallway.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“You heard, I just quit my job.”

“Don’t do this, you know that dad didn’t mean it. Please don’t be this mad at him,” I pleaded.

“I’m so fed up with you and dad! I don’t want to see either one of you for a while.”

“Don’t say that,” I whispered as I tried to touch his arm. He shrugged away from me. “Don’t call me, I

won’t be picking up.”

He walked out of the door with his stuff and I went in to my dad’s office. My dad was sitting slumped

behind his desk. He was crying. I’d never seen him cry since my mom’s funeral. “I fucked up big time,” he

said with a sigh. “How am I going to tell his mom about this?”

“It’ll be alright. You know he loves our family, he isn’t going to sat away forever,” I said. Somehow I

doubted my own words. I knew that this would happen eventually; everything would fall apart because of

David and me.

“What I said yesterday, it came out all wrong,” my dad said while he stared the picture of Juliette on

his desk.

PART 7 RIGHT WHERE I BELONG

32. The family in chaos

At home the atmosphere was tense after my dad had told Juliette he’d had a fight with David and David

had subsequently quit his job. It had been three weeks since David had left the office and none of us had

heard firm him since then. On Sunday all of us where at home, except for David. Juliette started to cry in

the kitchen when we were alone together.

“David hasn’t called me in over three weeks and he’s answered none of my text messages or emails.

It’s nothing like him to let me worry like this. Just tell me what happened,” she asked me in between sobs.

“It’s all my fault. I’m the one who punched him in the face and he lied about it to cover for me. And then

at the party dad said something stupid about me punching him and David quit his job.”

“But why on earth did you hit him like that?” Juliette asked and then I was crying too.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him like that. I never meant to break his nose,” I exclaimed and then Juliette

hugged me like I was a little boy. I’d never let her hold me like this, not even when I was twelve.

“It’s alright Michael, just make things up with David again,” she whispered while she stroked my hair.

“I’m trying to reach him but he doesn’t answer my calls either,” I told her.

A couple of days later, David called his mom to say that he was alright but that he didn’t want to see

dad or me for a while. He didn’t explain his reasons to Juliette. Juliette and my dad got in to a huge fight

later that evening. I’d never heard them fight like that and she was virtually throwing things at him when I

came in to the room.

“David told me that he doesn’t want to see either you or Michael for a while. There must be a reason

for that. What are you not telling me?!”

My dad’s face was tense and he was biting his lower lip. “David heard me tell Michael that I was glad

that David’s not my real son. I had too much to drink. I just blurted it out. I didn’t mean it.” He looked

defeated.

“You said what?!” Juliette yelled. “You always told me that you love all our children equally. I love

Michael and Christine just as much as I love David and Jack and Justin. Are you telling me you lied to

me?”

“No I didn’t lie. I’ve always treated David just like the others. But he’s just so different from Michael

that sometimes I get annoyed too easily with him. It’s my fault not his. But I swear to you that I always

tried to be a good father to him.”

“I’ll go to David’s apartment, I’ll make sure he’s alright,” I said to calm them down. Juliette walked to

the kitchen and started preparing dinner; I could hear her banging the pans in anger. Half an hour later

Brad and Christine came in. We had dinner in silence; even the twins were quiet. After dinner Christine

talked to Juliette and my dad.

Brad and I walked outside. “You look terrible,” he told me.

“I haven’t been sleeping, this is such a mess.” I grabbed my hair and yanked it. “I can’t think of anything

but this fight with David.”

“That must have been some fight,” Brad said. “What were you fighting about?”

“Nothing,” I replied quickly.

“It must have been more than nothing for you to break David’s nose and crack his skull open.”

I started shaking violently. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Understand what Michael?” Brad asked and he grabbed my arm. “I wouldn’t understand that you’re in

love with David?”

I grasped for air, it felt like he’d punched me in the stomach.

“You don’t have to pretend it’s not true,” Brad said.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked quietly. He nodded.

“All the fighting and the making up between the two of you. He’s obviously crazy about you otherwise

he wouldn’t take all your bullshit.”

“How long have you known?” I asked him.

“I thought something weird was going on between the two of you, the moment you came back from Paris

and I saw him give you that hug at your parent’s place. Besides you’re constantly looking at him like you

want to fuck him. But I knew for sure after he’d cut of his hair to get back at you.”

“Fuck,” I sighed. My hands were trembling and I must have looked white as a sheet. “Does Christine

know?”

“Yeah she does actually. I was telling her how weird I thought you both were acting and at first she

thought nothing of it. But after you were so fucking jealous of David’s latest boyfriends it was pretty

obvious to her too.” He paused and patted my arm. “She doesn’t mind Michael and I don’t either. If

anything, we feel sorry for the both of you. It’s not your fault that you grew up together. We both know that

you’ve been miserable for a very long time. Christine just wants you to be happy, she loves you both.”

“I’ve really fucked things up big time with David. He wanted me to finally choose him and come out

about how we feel, but I disappointed him again.”

“So have you actually been sleeping with him? Not that it’s any of my business of course…”

“Nothing more serious than a blow-job when we were both living in New York, although I wished

otherwise...”

“So why don’t you go past his house and tell him that?”

“I’m not sure if he still wants me,” I said.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Brad replied.

33. I love you

I spend the whole week thinking about David. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t focus on my

job. Finally on Saturday morning I got up early and went to his apartment.

It was a bright, sunny morning, although I felt dark on the inside. I was so afraid that David was going

to reject me that my hand was shaking as I rang his doorbell.

At first I didn’t hear anything, those seconds seemed to last forever. Finally after more than a minute I

heard him stumbling in the hallway and the jingling of his keys as he was trying to find the one for the

front door.

He opened the door and almost shut it in my face again when he saw me. I pushed against his door so he

couldn’t close it. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked hoarsely. He looked like he’d just gotten

out of bed. His hair was messy and he hadn’t shaved yet. The bruising on his face was still visible but it

had faded and his nose looked pretty normal too. He was only wearing his boxer shorts and an old faded

T-shirt.

“Please let me in David, we need to talk,” I said.

“We needed to talk a long time ago,” he answered but opened the door reluctantly. I stepped in. “Did I

wake you?”

“It’s 8:30 AM on a Saturday Michael, of course you woke me.” He looked annoyed. “What are you

doing here? I told you I didn’t want to see you for a while.”

“I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I’m fine, so you can go now. Just tell mom and dad that I‘m fine and leave me the hell alone.”

“He’s really sorry you know,” I said.

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” David muttered and crossed his arms. “The both of you just went too

far this time. I’m not going to let the both of you treat me like shit forever.”

“I’m so sorry. I feel like the worst guy in the world for hitting you like that,” I said timidly. David’s

face looked stern.

“I don’t care about the nose. You didn’t mean to hurt me. What hurt was that you and dad were talking

about me behind my back again, like I’m nothing.”

“You’re not nothing to me, you know that. You’re everything.” My throat felt raw as I forced out the

next words: “I’ll even tell dad that you are everything to me.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said quietly.

“I do and I’ll prove it to you. This time I’m choosing you,” I said with a quiver in my voice. He was

quiet for a few seconds. It felt like purgatory. Then he said: “Fuck just come here you asshole, I’ve

missed you so much.” I just couldn’t believe that I got off the hook so easily and was dumbstruck until he

hugged me hard.

The muscles in his arms were tense as he wrapped them around my back. I looked at him and saw the

hardness in his face melt away. I kissed him hard, our teeth clashed together before I devoured his mouth.

We clung to one another as if our life depended on it. My lips felt raw, his tongue was at the back of my

throat and still I wanted to be closer to him. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in even more.

His hands worked at the buttons of my shirt and mine were underneath his T-shirt. He broke the kiss to

take his T-shirt off, as I undid my shirt. He was just wearing his boxer shorts, his dick clearly outlined,

his chest heaving. I kicked off my shoes, took off my socks and fumbled to open my belt. When we were

both only wearing shorts, he pushed me backwards on his couch. His hot mouth traced the line of my

throat, my chest, and my stomach. It had been such a long time since I’d felt his naked skin on mine like

this. All the sensation were overwhelming, the feel of his smooth chest, the hair on his legs rubbing

against mine, the muscles in his arms and back, tense like ropes. His dick was pressing against my own

while he kissed me hungrily. He started pulling my boxer shorts down. His hand brushed past my dick,

making my nerve endings scream.

“Let’s go to your room. I want to fuck you in your bed,” I told him between kisses.

We both got up and rushed to his bedroom, which was even messier than the last time I’d been here. He

stripped down his shorts and I admired his body for a moment before I pulled him on to the bed. He

dragged down my shorts as well so that we were finally completely naked. I started kissing him again,

trying to be gentle and make it last, tasting his mouth, but soon enough we were back to being rough. His

hands were kneading my ass and he hitched up his knees so that I was snug between them.

“Do you have some lube?” I asked him hoarsely.

“There some Vaseline in the night stand,” he said with a wicked smile and he reached between our

bodies and started pumping my dick. I hadn’t gotten laid since I came back from Paris and I had to bite my

tongue not to come right away.

The whole world seemed to stop when I started fucking him, there was nothing but him and me and the

way our bodies moved together in a steady rhythm. I tried to remember everything about that first time, the

heaving of his chest, the way he moaned as I pushed in to him, the way he clutched my arms. I wanted to

make it last for hours but it was impossible to hold back. I pushed in to him frantically while sweat was

pouring down my forehead. He had his eyes closed and his head pushed back as he was ready to come.

When I drove him over the edge I felt his body spasm against mine and his nails dug in to my skin hard

enough to leave marks. All his muscles tensed and his eyes fluttered open, looking at me dark grey and

clouded. I came a second later, straining on top of him. The tension of the last few weeks just ebbed away

and I felt drained but happy.

Afterwards I kissed him some more and stroked his hair. He drew a heart on my sweaty chest with his

fingertip and then pulled his blanket up to cover us both and snuggled against me.

“I’m so happy I feel like my heart will explode,” he said and he took my hand and put it on his chest. I

could feel his heart pounding. “I love you so much, I can’t believe we actually finally did it. It was even

better than I’d imagined.”

“I thought about this a million times,” I laughed. When I started kissing his throat, he said: “I don’t want