Текст книги "Masterpiece"

Автор книги: Xavier Neal

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Jovi

Dead. I don't even wanna say the word out loud. I just...I know that it won't change the fact that Ben is gone, but I feel like if I say it, it might make it permanent. Does that make sense? Of course that doesn't make any sense.

I run my fingers through Merrick's hair, the simple gesture obviously a soothing one from the way the tears that had come back have dispersed again. He adjusts his head on my chest once more and grips me tighter, holding onto me like I'm his whole life.

And he's mine. Crazy and probably ridiculous to even think let alone say, but he is. I mean there's more to my world, but he's the heartbeat. The center. The masterpiece in my gallery.

Carefully I ask, “How'd...how'd it happen?”

“He um...” Merrick sniffles. “He crashed into a tree.”

“How?”

“According to the police report, reckless driving.”

“You don't buy that?”

“Fuck, no,” he snaps. “Ben did a lot of dumb shit, but he was a good fucking driver. He knew how to take curves with the best of us.”

“Accidents can still happen, Merrick.”

His head pops up. “It wasn't a fucking accident. His car was tampered with.”

“Then why would the police report it otherwise?”

“Because they do shit like that all the time.”

Look, I know not all cops aren't clean, but come on, a conspiracy theory on an accident report? His grieving is just adding to this crazy wave of thoughts. What do you mean you don't agree?

“Why-”

“Not everyone is as clean as you think.”

“Not everyone is as dirty as you think!”

“More often than not, Jovi.” The remark lifts my body to a sitting position, pushing him off of me. Seeing the hurt look on my face he states, “I'm not saying there aren't cops that actually follow the laws.”

“Good because there are.”

“I know. And not everyone on the force has their own personal agenda. I'm just saying, quite a few do. We live in a crooked city. Crooked cops. Crooked lawyers. Crooked doctors. It's another reason I wanna get the fuck out. I know every city has some of that shit, but I don't have to knowingly surround myself with it.”

I nod unsure what else to say.

Merrick moves his body to sit up beside mine. “It's not confirmed if his car was actually tampered with or if one of his performance enhanced pieces malfunctioned.” When my face turns towards his, I see the pain has returned to his usually bright blue eyes. “But Daniel helped put those pieces in. He always checks for duds. He's got a weird sixth sense thing about parts too. And you know my family. If it's anything we know-”

“It's cars.” Our fingers fold together. There's a brief pause before I sigh, “I'm not saying Ben deserved to...to die, but is there any chance this is just life catching up with him?”

The hurt in his eyes deepens.

I sound like such a bitch don't I? A heartless wench!

“I mean, Ben was a great guy, but...he did like to push life to the edge, ya know?” Seeing tears creep into his eye I hurry to undo everything I carelessly just suggested. “Forget it. Forget what I just said! Forget-”

“No.” He squeezes my hand. “You're right. It could've just been life catching up with him.”

No. I don't feel relieved that he's agreeing. I feel worse. So much fucking worse.

“But if it caught Ben, how much longer until it catches up to me, baby?” The weak tone causes my face to tense. In a trembling voice he asks, “How much longer do I have?”

Instantly I pull us together and hug him close.

I deserved that. I deserve this agony eating at me over those words.

With closed eyes, I whisper, “You can't think like that.”

“But I-”

“No.” He grips me tighter, his hard bare chest meshing with mine. “You just have to live. For you.”

Through tears he says, “I'm the reason he died, Jovi. Me. If I had been with him-”

“Both of you would be dead.” Pulling back so our eyes meet again, I shake my head. “And I don't know if I could ever come back from that.”

For a moment he just stares into my eyes as if looking for something, but what I'm not sure. I let him. He can take whatever he needs from me. He can have it. Everything. Anything.

“Let's get married Tuesday.”

Baffled by the change of topic, I shake away the whiplash. “What?”

“We were supposed to get married tomorrow,” he reminds me.

I didn't forget. How could I forget? I spent the entire plane ride to and from trying to decide what to get married in. Sure it's just the courthouse, but I mean I have to get married in something ya know? Well of course that's Hayli's department, but she doesn't know yet. I don't know who our witness is gonna be. I kinda hoped Merrick had figured that out. Right! Focus!

“Well we can't now. We're burying Ben tomorrow-”

“So soon?”

“Always as soon as possible. There won't be a huge ceremony or anything. Just thefamily. Madden spent most of the day dealing with that.”

Slowly I question, “Do you want me there?”

“Of course.”

“Hayli?”

He nods. “You're both family as far as I'm concerned.”

“Your brothers might-”

“Fuck 'em,” he cuts me off. “It's not about who they considered family, but Ben.” There's a flash of something in his eyes that he quickly tries to shake away.

Did you see that too? What do you think that was?

“Anyway, with the funeral Monday, we'll have to move dates. Let's just move it to Tuesday.”

Smiling I touch his cheek. “A funeral and a wedding? I don't feel that's how the movie went...”

Merrick lightly chuckles. “That's what makes this real life.” I roll my eyes and he pushes. “Tuesday.”

“Thursday,” I counter, which makes his eyebrows furrow. “As much as I wanna marry you, there's just something that feels wrong about getting married the day after your best friend gets buried, Merrick. I don't want the happiest day of our lives to be directly beside one of the saddest.”

His lips press tightly together as if biting something back.

Am I wrong? Isn't that weird to get married the very next day?

“Thursday it is,” he agrees. “Thursday you become Mrs. McCoy.”

“Sounds perfect.”

It does right? What do you mean you don't buy that I feel that's perfect? Well I– But I. You-. Okay, okay. I'm not sure that's going to be perfect but it sounds that way. Truth is there's this gut wrenching feeling that Ben's death isn't about to be the only punch we're going to take before we get down the aisle.

Jovi

Merrick sneaks out before the sun rises, leaving me with the task of breaking the news to Hayli.

Trying to be strong for Merrick was hard enough. I have a feeling Hayli's not gonna be any easier. Their bizarre friendship didn't make any sense to me, but meant a lot to them.

“You're up early,” Nadie's voice appears over my shoulder, seconds after I lock the door. “Trying to get the boyfriend out before I woke up?”

I offer her a simple smile. “Not exactly. He had to get home early. Big day...”

She curiously ask, “Something important happening?”

“A funeral,” the word hurts almost as much as the other.

I know I'm not the one putting the nails in his coffin but God, every time I say it, I feel like it's me.

“Oh no,” she instantly squeaks. “I'm so sorry for his loss. Someone close to him?”

“Cousin,” I answer and immediately realize how I'm not doing them justice. “His best friend.”

Nadie's jaw drops and she's barely able to say, “I'm so sorry, Jovi.”

I whisper, “Me too.”

“You knew him then?”

“Yeah. He was...” Ben's cocky smiling face pops in my head and I feel tears trying to seal my throat closed. Struggling through it I finish with, “One of a kind.”

Her face tightens before she embraces me. For just a moment, I let my guard down and give up the tears I didn't want Merrick to see.

He needed me to be strong, so I was. Doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. Doesn't mean I'm not sad. Doesn't mean I'm not gonna miss Ben. You're gonna miss him too aren't you?

She lets me fall apart in her arms for a few moments, no words needing to be spoken. I softly sob knowing I need to get it all out now. Hayli's going to need me to support her. Merrick's going to need it even more. Holding both of them up is what matters most. What should come first. I know I need a minute too. I guess I'll just take this one.

When my tears finally subside, Nadie offers to make me breakfast to allow more grieving to occur. The two of us relocate to the kitchen where I flop down in one of the chairs at the table. Trying to shake away the dazed feeling, I pull my legs underneath me in the seat. Through the process of grabbing pans, Nadie attempts to pry, but at the same time tries not to cross any lines.

Should it matter now if I confess everything? Ben's gone. I'll be married to Merrick in a couple days. Why not just let it all out? What's the big risk now?

Still cautious as if a court reporter is going to read back my answers to me to be used in sentencing, I slowly give more details than I have in the past about my relationship with Merrick. Just as I open my mouth to answer one of the questions I had been avoiding before now, my father storms around the corner.

Right. That's why.

“Good morning, Nick,” Nadie warmly greets him.

He tugs at his tie. “Is it?”

“You're alive aren't you?”

Her words hit me square in the chest like she intended. I slump over again.

Suspiciously he looks at her. “Why would you use that phrase this morning? This morning in particular.”

“What's this morning?”

“The morning after one of those street racing thugs we've been fighting against died.”

Hearing him talk about Ben so carelessly causes my eyes to shut.

I know. I know. I gotta keep it together.

Nadie doesn't reply at first. Instead all I hear is the soft sizzle of bacon. After what feels like a life time passes, she questions, “Which one?”

“Ben McCoy.”  His name isn't what pops my eyes back open. It's Nadie's gasp. She's a smart woman and by the look of shock on her face, she's put the entire puzzle together.

I was leading the conversation that direction...

Dad turns his attention to me. “Remember, I told you and Hayli to stay away from him?”

A sharp breath comes out of me, but I don't answer.

I can't. I can't keep this up.

“Another reason why. Dead at 23 from reckless driving.” He shakes his head. “I should be grateful with one less of his kind off the road but-”

Unconsciously I snap, “Don't talk about him like that.”

My father slowly approaches me, his full attention now on me.

Not well done, Jovi. Not well done at all. Why didn't you stop me?

“Excuse me?”

“Maybe we should just have breakfast,” Nadie speaks up loudly. “Bacon's ready. Waffles are warm.”

He doesn't fall for her distraction tactics. “What did you say to me, Jo'?”

I meekly repeat myself, “Don't talk about him like that.” Shaking my head I fight more tears. “You didn't know him.”

“You didn't either.”

Mindlessly I confess, “I did.”

His voice booms, “What?”

With a shrug I answer, “I did. I knew him and as much as it kills you to know that, it should kill you more to know you're not right about him.”

He scoffs, “Not right about him? I've got stacks of police reports about him!”

“There's more to a person than paperwork, dad!”

“Are you yelling at me?”

“Are you listening to me?” I shout again. “Ben McCoy was a friend.”

“Friend? Did you really just say he was a friend?”

“Yes. A friend. I know you didn't approve of him.”

“I told you to stay away from him!”

“And I didn't listen.” I do my best to ignore the sting of betrayal in his eyes. “I don't give a shit how unhappy that makes you or however it is you wanna punish me for it, but the least you can do right now is just give a fuck that he mattered to me and stop being so fucking careless about the way you're talking about him! He wasn't just a case! He was a person! He was important! He mattered!”

My father's mouth drops open, but he doesn't argue.

Oh I could've handled that better. I didn't have to yell and cuss at him. What's wrong with me?

“Can we just eat?” Nadie softly suggests bringing food to the table. “I think it would be better to talk about all this on a full stomach.”

In a soft whisper I declare, “I'm not hungry.”

“You have to eat something. A funeral on an empty stomach is not a good idea.”

“Funeral?” He sharply snaps. His eyes shift to Nadie. “You knew she was friends with him? You knew and didn't tell me?”

Nadie defends herself, “Not until this morning-”

I stand up. “It wasn't her business any more than it was yours.”

“N-n-n-ot my business,” he stutters. “Not my business?”

“No. It wasn't.”

“Who my daughter associates with is my business!”

“Maybe if I was still that twelve year old girl who had to answer to you for my every move, but not now.”

Who would've thought all it would take was death to encourage me to stand my ground with him.

“It doesn't matter if you're 12 or 21 or 41! I am your father Jovi. Who you surround yourself is my business!”

“I'm not in a prison cell. You're not the warden. It's only your business if I make it.”

He bellows, “What has gotten into you!”

“I can't have this fight right now.” A sigh escapes me. “Not today. Not before his funeral. I don't have the strength for it.”

“You think you're going to his funeral?”

Nadie tries to reel him in, “Nick-”

“Don't you Nick me!” He turns to snap at her. “We will discuss why you think it's alright to withhold information about my daughter for me shortly.” When he whips back around he states, “You're not going to that funeral.”

I correct him before I head out of the room, “I am going to his funeral. No matter what you say.”

“We aren't finished Jovi Reese,” his voice rises.

Turning around abruptly, I toss my hands in the air. “We are for now.”

Those are my final words even though he continues yelling.

Not sure if it's at me or Nadie. It doesn't matter. I'm not listening. I don't have to. Not anymore. Things are about to change. I know they have too. But I don't have to deal with those changes right now. Not today. Especially not before they put my future husband's best friend, what would have been one of my in-laws, into the ground.

Merrick

Leaning against my car, I continue to stare aimlessly down the empty dirt road that for miles is only home to Aunt Kelli's house, the McCoy junk yard, and random wild animals.

Wanna learn how to handle a car? Try avoiding wild life on a dark road at top speeds. Added challenge? Try avoiding it while getting a hand job.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. Under the assumption Jovi and Hayli probably got lost, I pull it out.

T.D.:  Delivery status?

I stare at the two words on the screen.

If I say sitting at the police impound waiting to be stripped and violated how long do you think it would take him to find me?

“Hey,” Knox's voice causes me to dismiss the message and put it back in my pocket.

Later. I'll fucking deal with it later. Can't make the situation any worse delaying my response a couple hours.

Tilting my head at her I reply, “Hey.”

She leans against my car beside me. “How you holdin' up?”

I shrug and return my eyes back down the road.

“You know you can talk to me.”

“About?”

“About what you're going through.”

“He's dead, Knox.” Having to say it hurts just as much as the reality that it's now a fact. “What's there to say?”

Bluntly she remarks, “The fact you blame yourself.”

Pressing my lips tightly together, I shove my hands in my jean pockets.

“Madden blames himself too.”

“Madden blames himself for everything,” I mumble under my breath.

“He blames himself for a lot,” she agrees in a hushed tone. “But he shouldn't. And you shouldn't. Ben didn't die because you did anything wrong.”

I drop my face and close my eyes. “I should've been with him that night, Knox.”

“So we could add to this death count? No thank you.”

She didn't even try to be sensitive there did she?

             

“Look, Merrick, even if you would've gone out with him that night, he still would've went home with that girl. He still would've been fleeing from her house. He still would've ended up on that road.”

Lifting my eyes to her I ask, “So you're saying fate killed him?”

“I'm saying, it doesn't matter how you try to rewrite history in your head. It's not gonna help. Only thing you can do now is, swallow your pain, remember the good times, and move on with your life.” The harshness cuts at the same time it kicks the need for self-repairs into gear. “The world doesn't stop moving because you want it to any more than it rewinds because you asked it to. We live. We die. Make the time in between count for something. Ben did.”

Her words echo in my mind as Hayli's car is spotted arriving.

Make the time in between count for something...Fuck. She's right. And Ben did. Ben absolutely did.

Slowly, I approach the vehicle tugging at the tie around my neck.

Other than going to court, I don't understand the necessity for ties.

As soon as Jovi exits the car, a little bit of sanity returns to me.

I love that about her.

She shakes her head at me. “Leave your tie alone.”

“I don't like ties.”

“Ben liked ties,” Hayli pipes in slamming her door shut. “He liked to have a girl lead him around by it like a dog.”

Jovi's face scrunches in disgust. “Why do you know that?”

“You'd be surprised what two people talk about over shoes and Starbucks.”

Surprised at the information I ask, “Ben had a thing for Starbucks?”

“That's what you question?” Jovi loops her arm through mine. “Not the shoes.”

“Nah. He had a thing for feet.”

Let's not talk about it. I didn't even wanna talk about it with him. He had his quirks. We all do. However, I will admit, the dog leash thing was news to me.

Hayli poses showing off a pair of leopard print stilettos. “He picked these out.”

Tacky, but totally Ben.

The thought makes me softly smile. Hayli pulls her red hair to one side of her face before she folds her hands in front of her black dress covered body. “I'm sorry for your loss, Merrick.”

With a slow nod, I reply, “And I'm sorry for yours.”

Silence fills the air for only a moment thanks to Knox's yelling about moving our asses. The three of us quickly head towards the one story white brick house. On the outside it doesn't look like much. Weeds sprouting from various corners. Dented two car garage door.

It's where Uncle D taught Triple D all about motorcycles. The dent is from letting Daniel try to drive a crotch rocket at 13.

 

There's a large window beside by the freshly painted white front door that has a hole from Ben's inability to pitch a ball.

This house is covered in memories. It sucks Ben's about to be one more.

Inside I lead the two girls past what should've been the formal dining room but was typically a play area for us, past the small living room that's connected to the open kitchen, and out the sliding back door. We cross the dead grass filled back yard, my eyes roaming at the old tire swing.

Ben fell off that often. Well, Triple D pushed him off of that often. He never learned it wasn't a good idea to mess with them. Not even as adults.

“McCoy Junkyard,” Jovi reads, slight shock in her voice as we reach the fenced in land that's beside Aunt Kelli's house.

You're probably wondering why we didn't just hit the junkyard directly. It's simple. I'm prolonging having to bury my cousin as long as fucking possible.

“I didn't know you guys had a junk yard too.”

“Uncle D had this. Dad had the shop. Not the shop we have now, but a shop. He wanted Ben to run this someday,” I say strolling past the stacked tires at the entrance. “That was not something that ever crossed Ben's mind.”

“Who runs it now?”

“Technically Madden.” Looking around at the old car parts most people would consider crap, I feel a small twinge in my chest knowing Uncle D always saw potential in things people thought were worthless.

Maybe that's why Ben turned out to be as awesome as he was. Uncle D saw how great he could be even through all the trouble he caused. Is it weird to have to say was? Fuck...It feels weird. Weird and wrong.

“Doesn't get much business day to day. When it does though, Aunt Kelli deals with it.”

Jovi nods and we continue on, until towards the very back corner, where a gravel path leads us over to a special area on the property behind the junkyard. An area I hate to be in. An area I didn't think I'd be back in again any time soon.

Damn sure not for this reason.

There's a soft gasp from beside me. “Is that...is that-”

“Yeah,” I answer so she doesn't have to finish the sentence.

Under a large shaded area created by two trees there are two rows of tombstones. Dad and Uncle D's are beside each other's while my mom's is behind my dad's. Jovi curls her body into me. Her arm slides around my side holding us together.

I needed that extra support.

Gathered around the grim area are my brothers, all dressed in jeans, black shirts and ties along with Knox, Aunt Kelli, Vinnie, Shelby, and Krissy. Ben's whole family. My whole family.

And of course yours. You're family now.

Without more than a nod my direction, Madden lifts the shovel he had been clutching and starts to dig into the ground. In silence we all watch him scoop out chunk after chunk of dirt to clear space for my best friend's remains. Each stab into the ground feels as if it's breaking the dangling delicate pieces of my psyche that are left. Knox's advice, Jovi's support, Hayli's condolences suddenly all feel meaningless again. Emptier than the space Madden is effortlessly creating.

I should be in that hole.

Finally he stops digging and looks to Drew, who is holding a vintage motor oil can.

“Keep dad and Uncle D good company. If they offer you a beer… take it.”

Drew faintly smiles, gives the can a double tap, clears his throat and passes the can to the right.

Now in Daniel's grip he says, “Never forget it was me who taught you how to get a chick's number and how to give them a reason to always wanna come back. Keep the McCoy name strong. Even now kid.”

After a double tap he passes it to Destin. “I hated tracking you on GPS. It's right on red only. Not left or right.”

Ben never understood that.

“Maybe you'll drive better with Dad on your ass instead of me.”

Destin double taps it and offers it for me to take.

I can't. I don't think I can...

Jovi gives me a tight squeeze of encouragement. I take the can. It wobbles in my grip. Quivers in my clutches.

I can't do this. I can't say...no. I can't say goodbye.

Shaking my head, I look down at my girl who's looking up at me with support. Strength. Fearlessness. Most importantly, with love I could never live without. I look down at the can in my grip and breathlessly announce, “Cuz...You were a dick to me in your final days.”

He was.

“But that's how we are when we feel threatened. We fight back. Always fight back, Ben.”

Lightly I tap it twice and hand it to Jovi who I'm expecting to panic. I prepare to tell her she can just pass it on, when she bravely speaks up.

“You taught me that family comes in many forms. Thank you.” With a double tap she passes it to Hayli and holds onto me tighter.

“Any time I hear Proud Mary by Tina Turner, I'll sing a little louder for you.”

That's fucking weird. Jovi's right. They had a really fucking weird friendship.

Shelby holds the can and looks down at with a soft smile. “I'll miss your name on the board.”

She gives her double tap, leans her head on Vinnie's arm, and hands it to him. “Ride hard. Ride fast. In everything.”

He repeats the action and passes it to Krissy. With a scolding expression, she looks at the can in her hands. “Your eyes were always wandering. Maybe you'll find them a home now.”

Ben didn't want one of anything. He's was always after anything he could have. That was a curse much more than a blessing if you ask me.

Krissy kisses the top of the can, double taps it and hands it Aunt Kelli who's wearing the same dress she did when Uncle D and Dad died.

I hate that dress. You're right. I probably don't hate it as much as she does. Or us. I imagine she hates us for letting this happen to him. I don't blame my brothers though. I blame myself. I should've protected him more. Been a better wing man. Went out with him that night and made sure his ass came home instead of...wherever it was he wandered to.

“Kiss your father for me,” she states softly and taps the can.

With the can now in her hands, Knox lets out a sigh at the same time a tear drops onto the top. “You never failed to try to give me gray hairs. You know damn well I don't look good like that. Try not to give others the same trouble you gave me.”

She sniffles, double taps the can, and hands it to Madden.

You know, I don't remember much about when we buried dad and Uncle D, just a few things. Aunt Kelli's black dress that looks like someone had dipped a wedding gown in licorice. The leaves were crispy brown. There had been a cold front that required me to wear one of Triple D's hand me down jackets. And I remember the look on Madden's face. The same one he has now. A permanent hollowness. Except this time I won't just remember it. I'll always feel it.

             

Madden sniffles once and says, “I failed them. I failed you. For that...I'm sorry.”

Unconsciously my body stiffens so harshly my lungs constrict to the point of suffocation.

I should suffocate. That would be fair. That would be what I fucking deserve.

             

My oldest brother double taps the can, gently places it in the hole, and tosses dirt on top of it. In silence we watch as he evenly spreads it, burying what is left of my best fucking friend. My partner in crime. The reason I shouted I was a McCoy from rooftops. Steadily tears fall from my eyes as my body trembles in the stillness.

No more crazy Ben. No more wild nights and ways. No more...best friend to look over my shoulder for me. What the fuck am I supposed to do? What the fuck is left for me now?

After a few more moments of silence, Aunt Kelli announces, “There's beer in the fridge. Liquor in the cabinet. Knox ordered pizza and there are cookies on the stove. Please...help your selves. Enjoy. Celebrate what was my son...the man he grew into and the man he wanted to become.”

She starts to head towards the house, which is when Madden makes a gesture to help her. Immediately she moves her body away from his not allowing contact to be made.

Fuck. That hurt to watch.

Knox makes a move for Madden and he brushes her off almost identically to the way Aunt Kelli did him.

What the fuck is wrong with my family? Why can't they just let each other be there when they really fucking need it? Fuck. Ben wasn't any different! He didn't let us help when he needed it most! He wasn't there to support me when I needed it! Changing my life for Jovi! Moving onto better, safer things! That would have been the time for support! Fuck! I hate this fucking family!

Jovi gives my side a gentle stroke causing my attention to drop down to her. Each rub eases some of the turmoil that's tumbling around inside.

This is the family I need. Her. That's all I really need, right?

I toss my head the direction of the house and she takes the hint to start walking. For some reason Hayli lingers behind, which is fine by me. I could use the moment alone to just breathe my girl in.

As we head back for the house she whispers, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why'd we double tap the can?”

There's a brief tug at the corners of my lips. “It's an old McCoy tale. One of my grandfather's tapped the door of the car that he drove his son home in. One time for safe passage into this world and when he died his son tapped his casket twice for safe passage out. Tradition stuck.”

“You really are just an amazing family, you know that?”

The compliment makes me want to smile, but I can't. I don't deserve to.

They're an amazing family. Strength of the Greek Gods. Loyalty of a million warriors. Remarkable honor even among thieves....then there's me. Fucking me. I'm a piece of shit. First to betray them. First to want to escape. First one ready to cut and leave them without looking back. How the fuck can I do that to them? Stop. Okay? Just stop. I fucking hear you. I know I love Jovi. I wouldn't give her up for the fucking world, but do I have to give them up for her? Can I not live in some sort of fucking balance? I can't do this with you right now. I can't...just...fucking give me some space please.