Текст книги "From What I Remember"

Автор книги: Valerie Thomas

Соавторы: Stacy Kramer
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Текущая страница: 21 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

can’t believe Kylie is still talking. And talking. Off the cuff, saying what she feels, no filter. No editing. It’s so not her. And I’m eating it up. Every last word. There’s so much takeaway I don’t have enough doggy bags for it all. “I’ve spent a lot of time watching movies. Maybe too much time. I’ve convinced myself I’m going to be a screenwriter, and while it’s more likely that I’ll end up selling popcorn at the Regal Cinema on Osprey, I don’t care. I’m going for it. Against all odds. Despite what anyone says. I plan to write myself a rocking lead role in life. Chances are, the movie of my life won’t get made. But I don’t want to think about that now. My recommendation is that you don’t either. Write yourself a kick-ass movie to star in, and don’t listen to what anyone says. At least not right now. Now is the time to try. It might feel like we have forever. But the sad truth is, we don’t. And we won’t always feel this optimistic about the future. So, go for it. Before there’s too much standing in your way.”

“Sing it, sister,” I shout out. “That’s my girl up there!” I tell everyone sitting within twenty feet.

“Jesus, Bixby, you just screamed in my ear! Can you shut up, please,” Patrick Bains says to me.

“Stuff it, Bains,” I say. I’ve sat next to Patrick Bains in every single assembly since first grade and I am so sick of him I could puke. He’s been president of the student council three years running, and so full of himself it’s criminal for a guy with an inexcusable lack of fashion savvy and a pretty serious case of halitosis. I can’t wait to never see his mug again.

“What is your problem?” Patrick asks me.

“You are my problem,” I say, and then I turn back to Kylie and yell: “I. LOVE. YOU. KYLIE!”

“‘I didn’t invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella,’” Kylie says. “That’s one of my favorite lines of all time. It’s from a movie called Almost Famous. I think what it means is that life is going to throw all kinds of stuff at you, good and bad. But all you can do is get out there and try to stay dry.”

I give a big whoop for Almost Famous because it’s a genius line to quote in a graduation speech. And no one but Kylie would think to use it.

Bains glares at me. Dude, you might want to talk to a digestive specialist about that breath problem. It’s not going to help you any at college.

“So get a good umbrella, class of 2012! You’re going to need it! And congratulations!” With that, Kylie leaves the stage and goes to her seat.

For a second, no one does a thing. There’s silence. And then the place erupts in applause. Loud and hard and long. A bunch of people jump to their feet, others follow suit. It’s a standing O. Holy. Shit! My girl got herself a standing O! I am so proud of her, my eyes well up and a lump forms in my throat.

Kylie outdid herself. I am whistling and cheering. I can see Max a few rows away, hands in the air, clapping furiously. Juan, who has been sitting near the stage the entire time, is on his feet, fists pumping. My eyes are trained on Kylie as she takes her seat. Her face explodes into a giant grin. Girlfriend knows she nailed it. We all know she nailed it. Take that, Freiburg. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. No more Kylie Flores to kick around.

’ve been watching Max watch Kylie, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. He’s way into her, so far down the road there’s no turning back. Clearly, something happened in Mexico. Something that changed absolutely everything. Whatever it was, it wasn’t just a fling. Max couldn’t take his eyes off Kylie in the car, and then during her speech, and even now as she’s sitting two rows in front of him. I thought we still had a chance, but I realize now that he’s gone, baby, gone. And there’s not a thing I can do. Max keeps glancing over at Kylie as Alvarez speaks. It certainly didn’t help things that Kylie managed to miraculously come up with a great valedictorian speech. I mean, it wasn’t hard to do; there’s not exactly stiff competition. Last year’s speaker, Benjy Samuels, fainted halfway through his speech. And the year before that, Emma Ralston showed up wasted. Most of the other speakers in recent history have been so deadly dull, no one remembers what they said. I’m sure we’ll barely remember Kylie’s tomorrow morning. Still, the standing O was beyond irritating. I am so screwed. Kylie has managed to pull herself out of the abyss of social obscurity just in time for me to fall in.

I notice Luca Sonneban staring at me. He’s sitting at the beginning of my row. Can he tell something is going on with Max and Kylie? Is he gauging my reaction to this whole public disaster? Or is he checking me out, as usual? I smile and wave, and he blushes a deep scarlet. It looks good with his perennially tanned skin. He’s hot. Funny, I never really noticed. Well, I’m noticing now.

Luca has been crushing on me since ninth grade. He’s asked me out at least half a dozen times. I’ve always said no. He’s just not my type—a little too surfer dude, with the long stringy blond hair and the constant board shorts. Enough already. We get it. You surf.

We kissed once at a party in tenth grade. There was waaaay too much tongue. It was slobbery, like making out with my Labradoodle. But he could be trained. And he’s got plenty of money. So there’s that. The problem is, Stokely has the hots for him, which is unfortunate. Normally I’d steer clear—sisterhood and all that. But things have reached critical mass, and as much as I don’t want to hurt Stokely, I need to put myself first.

“Congratulations, class of 2012!” Alvarez yells out.

A loud roar goes up from the senior class, and we all jump out of our seats and toss our caps in the air. Big whoop!

I’m so outta here. I stand and make a beeline for Max. We’ve got business to take care of. I’ve got to save face, if nothing else. As usual he’s surrounded by his loyal posse. It’s hard to squeeze my way in, but I do, and the sea parts. Max looks down at me, nervous. He’s not even remotely happy to see me. The reality smacks me in the face. This is so not where I live.

“Lil…hey,” he says. He’s palpably uncomfortable.

I’m going to make this so easy for him. He doesn’t need to be sweating it.

My eyes scan his face. God, he’s gorgeous. I really love him—truly and intensely—in a way I’ve never loved anyone or anything. Sure, there have been ulterior motives circling around, but my love for him is as pure as it gets with me. I suddenly feel like crying. I don’t want to say good-bye, but there’s really no choice.

I lean in to Max. I feel his body go rigid. How is it possible things have changed so much in such a short span of time?

“Listen, Lil, we need to talk. How about we go out for lunch—”

“Save it, Max,” I say. “We don’t need to talk about anything. It’s over. I can’t forgive you for yesterday. We’re done. There’s nothing more to say.”

Max looks at me like I’ve just pulled the Astroturf out from under him. Sorry, Max, I got there first. You can’t fire me, I quit.

“We should talk, Lily. We can’t just end things like this.”

“You should have thought of that last night,” I say, my voice starting to quiver.

I will not let him see me cry. I will not give him the satisfaction. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek.

“I’m sorry, Lil. Really sorry…” Max says as I turn away swallowing the bitter aftertaste of rejection. I make a beeline for Luca, who’s standing nearby, talking to Sam Butterworth.

“Hey, Sonneban,” I say, pulling him into a hug. “Congratulations, dude.”

“You too, Lil,” Luca says, holding me tight, tighter than he probably should, considering, for all he knows, I’m still one of his best friend’s girlfriends. This is going to be easy. Like taking candy from a baby.

Stokes walks up as Luca and I are hugging. She stares, waiting for us to release each other. We do, but not before I give him a little peck on the cheek for good measure, sealing the deal.

“You going to Charlie’s with anyone tonight?” I ask Luca.

“Uh, not really,” Luca says.

“Then how about you pick me up at seven?” I say.

“You’re not going with Max?” Luca asks.

“Nope. I’m going with you, if you’ll have me.”

“Totally,” Luca says. He can barely contain his excitement. His smile spreads from ear to ear, like a goofy stuffed animal. I miss Max already.

Stokes pastes on a smile, but I can see the hurt and confusion in her eyes. Why aren’t I going to the party with Max? And what am I doing with Luca? I feel bad, but what can I do? Life sucks. I know it only too well.

s soon as the ceremony is over, I make my way down the row and look for Max, hoping we can talk before I have to go. He was the first person I wanted to see after finishing my speech. The only person I thought would understand what a feat it was, flying through the air without a net. My hesitations about Max have been washed away by the euphoria of graduation. I want to hug him, congratulate him, hear his voice, feel his touch. I’m craving his company, more than Will or Jake or my parents. But I’m too late. I can already see the force field building around him. It’s a hero’s welcome as everyone descends on him. I stand on the periphery and look for a way in. He’s surrounded. I can’t even make a dent. I catch a glimpse of him and wave. He either doesn’t see me or ignores me. What am I doing? Standing here like a fool, begging for affection?

I thought I’d misjudged things this morning, acted too rashly. I was willing to give him a second chance, try again. I thought we were connecting during my speech. I could feel him urging me on, encouraging me. But it was obviously all in my head. He’s not looking for me. He’s not even thinking about me. He’s with Lily and his friends, and I’m just some distant memory. I’m such an idiot. How many times can I fall for the same guy?

I turn and make my way toward the family section when a body slams into me. I almost fall to the ground.

“I love you, man,” Will says to me, kissing both my cheeks, repeatedly.

“‘I love you too, bud,’” I say.

“‘I love you, Bro Montana.’”

“‘I love you, homes.’”

“‘I love you, Broseph Goebbels.’”

“‘I love you, muchacha.’”

“‘I love you, Tycho Brohe.’”

We both fall back laughing. Juan looks down at us, thoroughly confused. I’m guessing he’s not intimately familiar with the dialogue from I Love You, Man. Sadly, we are. We’ve got to get out more. I silently make a vow to do that this summer. Will and I are going to get the hell off the couch and spend some serious time trying to have a social life, as gruesome as that may be. I can’t stay inside and watch movies for the rest of my life. I kind of like kissing a little too much to do that. There are plenty of boys in La Jolla; I’m sure I can find someone to practice with before I’m off to NYC.

“You were un-frickin-believable up there, Kyles! I don’t know what you had actually written, but it couldn’t have been any better than what you said,” Will says. “It was seriously mind-blowing. Did you plan any of it?”

“No. I was just kind of rambling off the top of my head.”

“You’re a superhero. I’m in awe of your powers.”

“It didn’t sound rambling at all,” Juan says. “Best valedictorian speech I’ve ever heard.”

“Wow. Thanks, Juan,” I say.

“Truly genius, girlfriend. You’re my role model. Always were. Always will be.”

“Thanks, Will.” I’m getting teary. It’s been a day. I am going to miss Will Bixby so much.

“Okay, enough with the sentimental journey. We need a little hair of the dog.” I know he’s trying to lighten the moment. Will isn’t one for waterworks.

“Shut up,” I laugh, shoving him.

“Did you talk to Max yet? He’s right over there.”

“No. And I’m not going to.”

“You can’t leave things hanging. You two make sense together, regardless of Lily Wentworth’s meager existence. If you’re not going to do anything, then I am,” Will says, obviously eager to stir whatever pot he can get his hands on.

“Will…no. Don’t do anything. Max and I are—we’re nothing. And I don’t want you getting involved, do you understand?”

“But I know how to fix these things.”

“Nothing needs fixing. Stay out of it, Will. Promise me.”

“Okay. You have my word.”

“Seriously, I don’t want to see him again. I just want to move on.”

“I get it. We’ll find you a better man this summer. Max Langston is in our rearview mirror.”

“Kylie, Kylie, Kylie, Kylie.” Jake is chanting my name as he rushes toward us.

I open my arms and he runs into my embrace. “Jakie, Jakie, Jakie.”

We hold on to each other for a few seconds. With Will standing nearby, it suddenly feels really good to be back on familiar territory, with the people I love. I can live without Max Langston. I can totally live without Max Langston. I’ve got all I need.

“Aren’t you going to say hello to Uncle Will?” Will asks Jake.

Jake disentangles himself from me and looks at Will. “You’re not my uncle.”

“I know,” Will says, pulling Jake into a bear hug. “I’m your stepbrother.”

“No. You’re not,” Jake responds, in all seriousness.

“Right again, Jakie. I’m just boring old Will, Kylie’s friend.”

Mom and Dad approach.

“Congratulations, sweetie,” Mom says. “We’re so proud of you.”

The two of them encircle me. Their hands are on me, smoothing my hair, touching my face, rubbing my back, petting my shoulders, as though I’ve been off at war. They finally release me, and I know the questions will start soon. Where have I been? Why am I wearing this crazy dress? I decide to take the lead.

“Mom, Dad, I know I messed up. I’m sorry if you were worried. It was completely unintentional.…”

Mom looks at me like she’s trying to muster some anger, but she’s so busy feeling proud of me that she can’t.

“Kylie, we were really scared,” Dad says.

Dad, scared? Really?

“When Will’s mom said you weren’t sleeping over…that was not good.” Mom looks away like she’s going to cry. I feel awful.

“It’s all my fault,” Will says.

“And how’s that, Will?” Mom says. “Care to explain?”

I can practically hear the gears grinding in Will’s brain as he tries to come up with some kind of wacky spin that will deftly get me out of my jam. But I don’t want him to do that. It’s not necessary. I can get myself out of my own mess.

“That’s a lie. It’s not Will’s fault at all. He actually came to my rescue.”

“Okay,” Mom says, not knowing what to make of all this.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you guys out. It was an accident. A kind of crazy accident that spun wildly out of control.”

“You’ve got quite a bit of explaining to do,” Mom says.

“I know,” I say. “Can we wait till we get home? And then, I promise, I’ll tell you everything.”

“I loved the speech, Kyles,” Dad says.

“You did? Really?” I ask, because it seems strange coming from him.

“It was from the heart. And beautifully written, as always. Just like everything you’ve ever written,” Dad says.

That last comment really takes me by surprise. I didn’t realize Dad had read any of my writing. Man, he can keep some major secrets.

“It was beautiful, sweetie. A little salty at times for my taste, with some of the foul language, but otherwise perfect, really. But that isn’t what you’ve been working on all these months, is it?” Mom asks.

“No. I just kind of winged it. Like I said, the speech I’d been writing didn’t really work anymore. All part of the long story.”

Headmaster Alvarez waves and saunters over. Is he going to chastise me for my speech? For telling everyone to forget school and live life? I’m sure I must be the biggest disappointment ever.

“Congratulations,” he says to my parents, shaking both their hands.

Alvarez turns to me. He puts his hands on my shoulders and looks at me. I cringe inside as I wait for it.

“Great job, Kylie,” he says. “I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Though I might have put a bit more emphasis on the school part.”

“You’re not angry?”

“I was a little surprised at first. But it was refreshing to see a different side of you emerge. Maybe someday you’ll make it back here and give the commencement speech. I have a feeling you’re going to be very famous one day. Just don’t forget about us, okay?”

“Never,” I say.

And then Alvarez turns to Will. “I like the overalls, Bixby. It’s a nice change of pace.”

o, Langs, where you going, G?” Jesse Stern asks me as I brush past him and Charlie.

“Looking for someone,” I say.

Charlie doesn’t say anything. He knows what I’m doing, who I’m looking for. Thankfully, he doesn’t offer his opinion. It took me a while to untangle myself from the crowd, and I’m still reeling from my conversation with Lily, but I have to catch Kylie before she leaves.

“You coming to the beach with us, homes?” Jesse asks. “Gonna catch some breaks.”

Jesse Stern, nice Jewish boy from La Jolla who thinks he’s a gangster. Wonder if he’ll keep up the game at Amherst.

“I’ll meet you there. Wanna hang with my dad for a while this afternoon.”

“’Kay. Peace out,” Jesse says.

I head toward the parking lot. Charlie jogs to catch up with me.

“You think this is a good idea, dude?” he asks. Guess I’m going to hear his opinion, like it or not.

“Honestly, I dunno.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this.…She’s a great girl. But serious. Major serious. The girl is going to want you to commit. You really want to do that this summer?”

“Yeah, I know. It’s a lot.”

“Maybe let it ride for a while.”

“I know that’s what I should do. But I don’t want to.” And then I head for the parking lot, leaving Charlie standing on the lawn.

He’s right. I should let it go. I’m moving on from Lily. I haven’t been single in almost a year. I should mess around. And I’ve got a ton of shit to figure out this summer. The last thing I need is to throw myself into a relationship. What am I doing? I stop for a minute and just stare out at the parking lot. Is this a mistake?

I don’t think so. I can’t get this girl out of my head.

As I step into the parking lot, I see Kylie getting into an old Honda Civic.

“Kylie!” I call out.

She doesn’t seem to hear me as she climbs into the car and closes the door. The car pulls out, and I charge after it like a lunatic.

“KYLIE, WAIT…” People standing nearby look at me like I’ve lost my mind. But I don’t care.

The car makes a left onto Prospect and picks up speed.

“KYLIE…KYLIE…” She never turns around. The car disappears around the corner. It’s a losing battle. I stop and walk back to the parking lot.

Did she hear me as I was running after her, screaming at the top of my lungs like some pathetic dude from one of those lame chick flicks? I think so. But what can I do about it? Not much. I fucked up this morning.

I wander back through the parking lot. People look at me out of the corner of their eyes, wondering what’s up. What’s up is I’ve fallen for a girl who just majorly blew me off. That was humiliating, everyone. I get it, trust me. I’ve crossed over into this other world where I’m doing things I never would have done in the world I come from.

I’m making my way back to campus when Luca Sonneban approaches me.

“Hey, Max. How’s it going?”

I like Luca; he’s been a buddy for years, but I’m not really in the mood to shoot the shit right now.

“Pretty good.”

Luca looks down at his feet and thrusts his hands into his pockets.

“I was just making sure you’re cool, you know, with me and Lily.”

What? I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“You and Lily?”

“Uh, yeah. We’re gonna go to Charlie’s party tonight. I thought, I don’t know, I thought you knew. You guys broke up, right?”

How is it possible that in the span of twenty minutes Lily and I broke up, the news traveled around the world, and she and Luca are now together? Whatever. The truth is I don’t care. At least I know she’ll be okay tonight. I don’t have to worry about her.

“Yeah, we broke up. She’s all yours, man.”

“Okay, cool, ’cause I wouldn’t want to—”

“We’re cool, Luca, don’t worry.” I just want him to go away.

“All right, I’ll catch you later.” Luca shuffles off, relieved, I’m sure.

I pull out my phone to text Kylie. One last play. And then I remember her phone’s dead. Damn. Why must this be so hard? Maybe it’s not meant to be. What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.

I see Will, Juan, two younger girls who must be Will’s sisters, and their parents getting into a massive Range Rover. That is some serious gas the Bixbys are guzzling.

“Hey, Will,” I say. “Did I ever thank you for coming to Mexico?”

“Not that I can recall,” Will says.

“Thanks, man. Appreciate it.”

“Well, it didn’t do much good since I couldn’t actually give you a ride home.”

“Doesn’t matter. It was cool of you to come.”

“I did it for Kylie.”

“I know.”

“You know, Max, I saw your photographs.…”

“Where?”

“In your room. When I was getting your passport. You’re good. Annoyingly good.”

“Dude, you snooped through my room?”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Will…” Juan chastises.

“I know. I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry about the mirror.”

“What mirror?”

“You’ll see it when you get home,” Will promises.

Great. Can’t wait. Man, Will Bixby is a freak.

“I like her, Will,” I blurt out. Because, really, why else would I be standing here talking to him? It’s not like we bonded in Mexico. I need help and he’s the guy. Plain and simple.

“I know,” he says. And that’s it.

I wait for a minute, but he doesn’t say anything else. Damn, I am really having to work for it here. This is not my thing. So not my thing.

“What should I do, man? I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.…” I’m getting a little desperate. I know he can hear it in my voice. I need to pull it back. Get my shit together. This girl is running me through the ringer. I’m starting to think I don’t need this. Or her. Or her crazy friend.

Suddenly Will lets out a long beeping sound. What the hell?

“‘At the beep, please leave your name, number, and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man’s existential dilemma, and we’ll get back to you,’” Will says.

“I’m sorry, but what are you talking about?” I ask. Dude is completely mental.

“It’s a line from Reality Bites,” Will says.

“Uh…okay.”

“The thing is, Max, I can’t say anything. I promised her I’d stay out of it. I swore to it, and my allegiance is to her. Not to you.”

“Stay out of what?”

“Anything having to do with the two of you. She says she wants to move on.”

“Do you think she means it?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Will, are you ready to go? We’re late for lunch,” Will’s mom says, leaning her head out of the car.

“Yeah. Ready,” Will says. “Look, Max, I’m sorry. Truly. I would love nothing more than to get involved, but I can’t break my promise.” And with that, Will climbs into the car.

“A pleasure meeting you,” Juan says, and then jumps into the Range Rover after Will.

I’m at the end of the line here. I don’t know what more I can do except go home and see my dad.