Текст книги "From What I Remember"

Автор книги: Valerie Thomas

Соавторы: Stacy Kramer
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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

am jolted awake by sunlight flooding the room.

What time is it? Where am I?

Disoriented, I attempt to open my eyes. The light is stabbing. My head is throbbing, my throat is raw, and my stomach is roiling. Is this what a hangover feels like?

I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had one. Until now.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths, and lie still, trying to get my bearings. Last night was one of the greatest nights of my life. I think. But then again, it could have turned into one of the worst. I don’t remember much past a certain point.

I give it another go. I glance around, taking in my surroundings. A partial view of an unfamiliar bedroom comes into focus. There’s a dresser in the corner where a mess of snow globes, stuffed animals, and Barbie dolls fight for space. A poster of a fuzzy white kitten with a huge purple bow around its neck is taped to the wall, between two windows. One window has a shade pulled halfway down, the other has no shade at all. Light pours in, mercilessly. Is it always this sunny in the morning?

I turn my head to avert my eyes, and that’s when I see him. Asleep. Oh. My. God. Max. I am now wide awake and it’s all coming back to me.

I try to sit up, but the effort makes me woozy, and I lie back down. Why on earth would anyone drink if this is what it feels like the morning after? Maybe because the night before felt pretty damn great. That much I remember.

feel the hangover immediately. But it’s not nearly as brutal as I thought it would be, considering the amount of tequila we downed.

I can tell it’s going to be another gorgeous day in Ensenada from the way the sunlight hits the wall. Surf is probably up. I bet the breaks are sweet. Wouldn’t mind picking up a board and going out. I’m sure Kylie’s never surfed. I could teach her. How fun would that be?

I look down and catch a glimpse of my watch. Shit. It’s six thirty. I wish we had more time, but we don’t; we have to motivate. Graduation is in less than six hours.

Suddenly it doesn’t seem so important. I briefly think about missing it entirely, staying in Ensenada with Kylie. But that’s a no go. Kylie needs to be there. Reality rules, which is a bummer. I’m afraid of what happens when we get back to real life and Lily is waiting there for me. I shove that thought to the back of my mind. I’ll deal with it later. I’ve got six more hours with Kylie. I don’t want to think about Lily until I absolutely have to.

I turn over to see Kylie gazing at me through those impossibly long lashes. The sun bathes her brown skin in a golden glow. Damn, that’s a nice sight to wake up to.

I curl into Kylie, wrapping my arms her. I can feel the curves of her body as they melt into mine. She’s perfectly rounded. All positive space. The soft arcs of Kylie’s flesh feel so much more like home than Lily’s hard edges. Man, I’ve fallen hard. It’s only been twenty-four hours, but it feels like a lifetime.

ey, you,” Max says, smiling lazily. “We got pretty messed up last night.”

“Yeah,” I say, hoping he’ll offer more, giving me a better picture of what exactly happened toward the end of the evening, when my disc got erased.

“I hope we didn’t do anything stupid,” I say, fishing for information.

“Yeah, pretty sure we did.” Max laughs softly and his eyes close again.

That’s all I get?

Max takes my hand in his, which is when I see them—two identical gold bands. One on his hand. One on mine.

The rings catch the sun; light shoots off the gold and bounces around the room.

What exactly happened last night? I am ablaze with an unsettling mix of passion and panic. I’m sweating now, which can’t possibly be appealing. What have I done? I’ve got high school graduation, a summer internship at the San Diego Arts Council, New York University in the fall, and parents who are going to freak. I’ve been MIA for the past twenty-four hours. I’m in Mexico with Max. And we’re wearing rings that look suspiciously like wedding bands. This is bad. Very, very bad.

I’ve never even been on a date.

Or had sex.

Or have I?

I sit up, intent on hatching a plan, and that’s when I see Lily Wentworth standing in the doorway, staring at me.

hat. The. Fuck. Max?”

I hear her before I see her: the unmistakably piercing sound of Lily.

I am going to kill Charlie. What part of “come alone” wasn’t clear?

It’s a rude awakening to what is bound to become a bear of a day.

I lift my head to see Lily standing in the doorway. If this were a cartoon, smoke would be rising from her head. Her body would be engulfed in flames.

I am in some serious shit.

I look over at Kylie looking at Lily, and sure enough, she is flipping out. Her eyes are as big as saucers. If she were a cartoon, her eyeballs would be popping out of her head and rolling onto the floor. Unfortunately, none of us are cartoons. This is not a comic book. It’s real life. And what was once a romance is now a horror show.

I have no idea what to do. I am not the guy who smoothes out these kinds of situations. I’m not a peacekeeper, like Charlie. I’m the guy who looks for the exit at times like this.

I can see Charlie standing awkwardly next to Lily.

“Dude?” I say to him.

“Sorry, man.”

Damn. I am so pissed at Charlie.

his cannot be happening. It’s like some cruel joke. Or a bad dream. Or a mirage. On the off chance that my brain has scrambled the image, I close my eyes. When I reopen them, the same gruesome tableau is still there, the bodies splayed out before me like the goddamn Alamo. Max and Kylie. Kylie and Max. In bed together. In bed together. I’m trying to process it, but I can’t make sense of it. It’s too bizarre. Too infuriating. Too everything.

Maybe there’s some kind of logical explanation for why they’re in bed together, other than the fact that they’ve just had sex. Yeah, as if.

This is where Max has been on the last day of school? While I’ve been living in my own private hell, suffering my dad’s indignities all alone, he’s been hanging out in Ensenada? Screwing Kylie Flores, of all people?

I am so livid I can’t think straight. I want to pull my hair out. I want to pull Max’s hair out.

I mean, seriously. What. The. Fuck?

Max is such an asshole.

“Let’s give him a minute,” Charlie says. I forgot he was even here.

“Let’s not!” I insist. I mean, Max has had twenty-four freaking hours. What does he need with another minute?

see Lily Wentworth and Charlie Peters standing in the hallway as soon as Juan and I enter Manuel’s house. What are they doing here?

Lily’s skinny arms are folded across her chest in a power pose, outside an open bedroom. I have to assume Kylie and Max are in there, post-whatever.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

There will be blood.

Instinctively, I know I must get to Kylie, to help, protect, and serve. An invisible tether pulls me toward her. I rush past Juan, completely forgetting our discussion. Clearly, he has not. He grabs my hand to stop me. Juan has been gearing up for his big moment with Manuel for the past hour. He wants to proclaim his homosexuality, and he’s asked me to stand by his side for moral support, which I promised to do; but now my allegiance has shifted. Potential boyfriend or not, I have to get to my girl.

“I thought you were going to help me tell Manuel,” Juan says.

“Tell Manuel what?” Manuel asks, sidling up next to us.

“Juan is gay,” I blurt out. I feel bad letting the cat out of the bag like that, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion this will not come as a surprise.

“Oh, I knew that,” Manuel says. “I think everyone knows. I’m glad you’re finally ready to tell us.”

“You don’t have a problem with it?” Juan asks, shocked.

“Of course not,” Manuel says.

“Problem solved,” I say, extricating myself from Juan’s grasp and hurrying down the hall, Manuel and Juan on my heels.

“What’s she doing here?” I hear Kylie say. I can’t see her, but I can feel her. And she’s mad as hell.

“The girl says she’s here to pick up Max. I didn’t know what to do. She insisted on coming in,” Manuel says.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay,” I say, pretty sure that won’t be the case.

If only I’d gotten here a half hour earlier, when Manuel first called, I could have put Max and Kylie on a bus, and we would have avoided this little reunion. But Juan wanted to rehearse his whole coming-out speech. A lot of good that did us.

“What’s going on?” Juan asks.

“Sadly, I think this is going to mean a little change of plans, darling,” I tell him. “I’m going to have to drive Kylie back to La Jolla.”

My holiday in Ensenada has come to an abrupt end. I won’t be dropping Kylie and Max at the bus station and kicking back in Mexico for an extended vacation. I’ll be escorting Kylie to graduation because, first off, she’s going to need her best friend by her side, and second, there ain’t no way I’ll let her travel back with Lily and Max. There’s either going to be a homicide or a suicide in that car, and I don’t want Kylie involved.

“No problem,” says my perfect man. “I can come with. I love a good graduation.”

Did I actually get this lucky, or is Juan a serial killer?

already had a litany of things to worry about, like the fact that my graduation speech may totally blow despite months of work, or that my brother Jake may be lying in a ditch somewhere due to my negligence, or that I may or may not have married Max Langston last night, along with losing my virginity. I didn’t need to add a psychotic girlfriend to the mix.

“What am I doing here?” Lily barks at me. “What are you doing here?”

Max jumps out of bed so fast, he blurs by me. He’s at Lily’s side, trying to calm her down. Old habits die hard, I guess.

“Oh. My. God. Can you please put on some pants? It’s only making it worse,” Lily insists.

As Max throws on his jeans, he turns to Lily, all apologetic, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he’s just left me in bed.

“I’m really sorry, Lil. It’s kind of a long, crazy story. I can tell you all about it on the way back.” Max speaks softly, calmly. Like he cares. Like last night, with me, was just a bunch of bullshit.

“Yeah, I guess now’s not a good time, because you’re a little too busy cheating on me with Kylie Flores! I suppose that’s why you told Charlie to come alone.”

Lily is gesticulating wildy, fuming, spitting at the mouth. Max puts his arm around her, in an effort to calm her down, I assume. Still, it feels like a dagger straight to my heart.

“It’s not like that at all,” Max says. “I was going to explain everything when I saw you.”

Max shoots Charlie a look. Charlie looks sheepish. “Sorry, dude. I told her not to come. She wouldn’t get out of the car,” he says. “You know what? Think I’ll go wait in the car.” Charlie slinks out.

“Good idea,” Max says. “Listen, Lil, I called Charlie because I didn’t want you to flip out. It’s all a huge misunderstanding. Not a big deal, honestly.…”

Wait. Hold on. Rewind. There are so many things wrong with that sentence, I don’t know where to begin. Max called Charlie? When? And it’s not a big deal? Wow. What a difference a day makes. I’d love to ask Max about this little news bulletin, but the volleys are flying so fast, I can’t get a word in.

“It sure seems like a pretty big deal, Max,” Lily says.

“Just let me grab my stuff and Kylie can get dressed, and then we’ll head out and I’ll tell you what happened—”

“Kylie can get dressed? Get dressed?! Why are you doing this to me?” Lily’s voice morphs into a semi-hysterical scream.

“I’m really sorry, Lily. I didn’t mean to hurt you—”

“Rise and shine, everyone!” It’s Will, popping his head into the room.

“What the hell are you doing here, Will?” Lily yells, turning her wrath on him.

“I’m sorry, Lily, but I don’t recall sending you an invitation to our little soiree in Ensenada,” Will responds.

“Bite me,” Lily spits.

“Lovely to see you too.”

“You called Charlie?” I finally eke out. I glare at Max. The anger is building inside me, especially as I notice he still hasn’t removed his arm from Lily’s waist. The arm that was around my body just five minutes ago. I want to lop off that arm with a machete.

“When did you manage to call Charlie?”

“When I told you I was calling my mom,” Max says.

Nice. Lying jerk. Can I trust anything he said last night? “Did you even call your mom?” I ask.

“No. I was afraid Will would flake on us,” Max says. “He hasn’t exactly been reliable.”

“Standing right here,” Will adds.

“I’m sorry. I guess I should have told you. I was just trying to make sure we got back for graduation.”

He guesses he should have told me? What a dick. I’ve lost all interest in talking to Max. I just want out of here. Away from Max. I can feel myself shutting down, reaching for the armor for protection. I never should have opened up in the first place.

“I’m really sorry, I had no idea Charlie would bring Lily, I swear,” Max says looking at me.

“Yeah. Right,” I say, because, really? Really? He had no idea? He called Charlie and didn’t think Lily would come. They’re the Three Musketeers. Of course Lily would come. And where was that supposed to leave me? I’m sure my feelings never figured into it. I was afraid I’d get hurt. I had no idea how fast it would happen. I’m an idiot for thinking this would end any other way.

“Yo, I’m your girlfriend, in case you forgot. If anyone should be here, it should be me, not her,” Lily screeches, pointing at me with her forefinger. “And, for Christ’s sake, can you please stop apologizing to her like she’s your girlfriend or something. Or, I don’t know. Maybe she is. Is she, Max? Is she?” Lily taunts. “Is she your girlfriend now? Is that what’s going on here?”

“No,” Max says quickly. A little too quickly.

“Yeah,” I snap. “We’re nothing to each other, Lily.”

“Well, then, stay away from him from now on. Don’t go poaching other girls’ boyfriends just ’cause you can’t find one of your own.”

“I wouldn’t want him if he was the last guy on earth.”

“Kylie…” Max says, as if there’s anything he can say to make this better.

“What?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Nothing.…”

Lily and I stare daggers at each other, both breathing hard. I hate her with every morsel of my being. Max just stands there, looking back and forth from me to Lily with a stupid, sad look on his face, like a little kid who’s lost his mother at the mall. What a loser. What did I even see in him? Talk about not rising to the occasion. Just like in the truck—when the shit really hits the fan, Max folds. It’s not an attractive quality.

“Let’s all take a few deep breaths and see if we can’t figure this thing out calmly and—”

“Fuck you, Will,” Lily snaps.

“You know what? I was trying to be civil. But forget it, you little wench. In case you haven’t gotten the picture yet, let me paint it for you. Your presence isn’t wanted here. Why don’t you run back to La Jolla, girlie?”

And that’s when Lily rushes not at Will but at me. She gets in one good smack at my face before Max and Will drag her off me. For a fancy princess, she’s pretty trashy. She could give the girls in the ’hood a run for their money.

“Mess with her, and I will mess you up, bitch,” Will says.

“Leave her out of this, Lily,” Max says in a measured voice. “You want to hit someone, hit me.”

“Shut. Up. All of you,” I yell. I am standing on the bed. “Max was right. This was all a big fucking misunderstanding. A big mistake. And I don’t want to be part of your stupid, petty games, so, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be leaving now. I have a speech to give.”

I jump off the bed and head for the door.

“Wait. Kylie…” Max comes toward me.

I turn around and look at him.

“What now, Max?”

“I just, I don’t know. Drive back with us.”

Us? Are you kidding me? Us is not an appealing prospect, dude. Us was you and me last night. And now it’s you, Lily, and Charlie. Count me out.

“I don’t think so,” I say.

Will reaches into his pocket and pulls out a passport, which he hurls toward Max.

“Here you go. See you on the other side,” he says.

As I stare at Max for probably the last time, last night descends on me—swimming in the ocean, kissing on the pier, thinking I had fallen in love. Instead of feeling good about it, I feel like shit. This is not the same boy I was with yesterday, the boy who convinced me that everything was possible. It’s morning. I’m not the princess. And he’s no prince. He’s just the same old Max Langston I’ve known for years. Selfish prick. God, what an idiot I am.

I still can’t remember how we got back to Manuel’s or what happened when we did. Hopefully, nothing much. But if I did actually lose my virginity, I’m just going to have to chalk it up to drunken stupidity. And if I got married, well, I’ll get it annulled, move on with my life, and never, ever think about it again. Luckily, I don’t ever have to see Max after graduation. New York City will erase the shame of this whole affair. I’d rather walk back to La Jolla than get in a car with Max, Charlie, and Lily.

I grab my backpack and head for the door, but Will takes my arm, stopping me. “Sweetie, you might want to throw on some clothes before we head back to Cali. Trust me, the border police are a pretty conservative bunch.”

I look down and realize I’m only wearing my bra and panties.

I search the floor and see the Mexican dress from last night. It’s the last thing I want to put on, but I have no idea where my other clothes are. I snatch it off the floor, and I’m about to throw it on when I’m hit with a wave of nausea that nearly knocks me over.

I run to the bathroom, lean over the toilet, and puke my guts out.

A lovely image, I’m sure. I’m practically naked, vomiting, possibly married, potentially a huge slut, and most likely late for graduation. Ending the year with a bang.

“I’ve got it,” I hear Will say.

Someone takes my hair and pulls it away from my face. I look up to see Will standing above me. Disappointment blasts through my body. I thought it might be Max. What kind of fool allows herself to be deceived over and over and over again?

“You okay?” Max asks. Like he gives a shit. He’s standing in the doorway, keeping his distance, I’m sure.

“Yeah, great, peachy,” I say.

“MAX!” Lily yells from the bedroom. “We’ve got to get out of here. We’re going to be late.”

“Be right back,” Max says to me. And like some kind of automaton, he races out to her.

“Don’t bother,” I say.

I can hear Lily berating Max. I’m not really listening to the words; they all run together in a high-pitched, earsplitting blur. But I do hear two words from Max that make my blood curdle and my heart collapse—“temporary insanity.” It’s pride-swallowing, soul-crushing to hear him characterize our night that way.

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him.

And I thought it was love. Boy, was I way off.

I lean over the toilet and throw up again.

ey, man, everything okay?” Manuel says, as Lily and I pass him on our way out the door.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about all the noise. Big misunderstanding.”

“No worries.” Manuel looks at me for a beat. He knows what went down, but he’s too cool to say anything.

“Thanks for everything, Manuel.”

“No problem, amigo. Hope I see you again soon.”

“You will, man. You will.”

“You want some coffee or some food for the road?” Manuel asks. He’s such a good guy, I actually get a lump in my throat. I don’t deserve his kindness.

“No, no. We’re good. We’ll probably just stop in town.”

Manuel disappears down the hall, probably to talk to Kylie. I feel bad that Manuel’s generosity has been met by drama and tears. He doesn’t need this shit in his house. No one does.

“Who’s he?” Lily wants to know.

“Manuel. It’s his house. We met him yesterday. He’s a friend of Kylie’s dad. Awesome guy.”

“I’m so sure,” Lily says, no interest in concealing her disdain for anyone having anything to do with Kylie.

“You’re an idiot, Max,” she says as we exit Manuel’s house. She’s referring to the fact that I’ve just told her what happened, in the most abridged version possible.

“It was stupid. I know,” I admit.

I can see Charlie sitting in the car, waiting for us. Lily is walking slowly, shaking her head, like she still thinks I’m lying to her. She’s in no rush to get to the car. She’s not done carving out her pound of flesh.

I’m sure a huge fire is raging through her body right now. Luckily, she’s keeping things in check, so I’m just getting residual smoke. We’re speaking—it’s not pleasant, but it’s a huge improvement over fifteen minutes ago when I was pretty sure she was going to strangle me with her bare hands. Seriously, all one hundred pounds of her could have taken me. Lily is a force to be reckoned with, which is exactly why I told Charlie to come alone. Man, what part of that didn’t he understand?

“It all sounds like complete bullshit,” Lily says again.

“I know. Even to me. It was just, one thing led to another and then we were stranded in Mexico. No passports. No way home.”

I’m just being contrite. Not saying much. Lily needs a punching bag. Anything I say can, and will, be used against me. I’ve just got to take my medicine and then, hopefully, get the hell back to La Jolla. At least I caught sight of the wedding ring in time and slipped it off my finger and into my pocket. A ring on my finger in the middle of this argument would not have helped things. At all.

“That is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. I mean, what were you thinking?”

“I guess I wasn’t. I just kind of followed Kylie. I thought she was gonna get herself killed, and so—”

“And so you went after her like Superman or something? All that for some weirdo you barely know. What is wrong with you?”

Lily’s description of Kylie hits me hard. I want to defend her. But I don’t. I know that’s not going to help things at the moment. It’s only going to make it worse.

“Look, I don’t know. Temporary insanity, like I said.” I don’t have the will to fight Lily, to bother telling her the truth. What would it matter anyway? Kylie wants nothing to do with me, so what is there left to fight for?

The one thing I don’t say is that I wish it had never happened. Because that’s not true. If I hadn’t jumped into the truck, I never would have spent the day and night with Kylie. It may have only been one day, but it was the best date of my life.

“Maybe you were thinking with your dick.”

“I told you, I just felt bad for Kylie. We didn’t have sex.”

“Since when did you give a shit about crazy Kylie Flores?”

“Since I got to know her. She’s not the weirdo we thought.

She’s actually pretty cool.” I can’t help myself. I won’t let Lily keep bashing Kylie.

“Spare me. I don’t want to hear about how you guys are suddenly besties.”

“Look, Lil, it was messed up but it wasn’t intentional. I wanted to be there with you for the last day of school. I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah, you didn’t seem super sorry. Especially when you were curled up in bed with Kylie.”

I’m not sure how to respond to that. I’m sorry I almost got myself killed. I’m sorry I hurt Lily. I’m not sorry about Kylie. How exactly do I say that? I don’t.

“Like I told you, we had a lot to drink and then we just fell asleep. I feel bad you had to walk in on that.”

“Yeah, me too. The image will forever be etched into my brain. Were you trying to hurt me?”

“Of course not.” I sigh deeply because this is such a typical Lily conversation. “Everything is not about you, Lily.”

“I wish people would stop telling me that.”

“Sometimes shit happens. For no reason at all. This is one of those times.”

I look over at Lily and see the tears pooling in her eyes. She looks like broken glass. I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have. She doesn’t deserve it. I don’t need to shove whatever this thing is with Kylie down her throat.

“Honestly, Lil, nothing happened. That’s why I told Charlie to come alone. I wanted to explain everything when I saw you. It looks worse than it is.”

Lily doesn’t say anything. My head is pounding like crazy. It feels like we’ve been talking for three years now. I don’t know how many more rounds of this I can take. I can’t help wondering what Kylie is thinking right now. Is she thinking about me? About last night? Regretting everything? Will she ever want to see me again?

I wanted to stay with Kylie, make sure she was all right, but Will practically shoved us out the door.

I get it. My girlfriend walking in on us wasn’t exactly the best scenario for the morning after. I fucked up. I’ve disappointed everyone, including myself.

Lily’s delicate shoulders start to shake with sobs as she cries quietly, her thin arms wrapped tightly around her stomach to calm herself. I have to push out thoughts of Kylie right now. What’s the point? I’ve got to man up, take care of Lily.

“Lil, I’m not going to lie to you, stuff happened between me and Kylie, but it wasn’t about sex. It was more like talking.”

“Talking? You never want to talk,” Lily says accusingly, like I’ve just pulled a gun on her.

“I like to talk. Just not all the time.” This is a lie. But I don’t have a good defense.

“Are you breaking up with me, Max? Because, if you are, I don’t think I can handle it right now. Please don’t. I’m begging you. I’ve got a lot going on and…” Lily’s voice drifts off, and she starts sobbing again.

My heart breaks for her. Lily may not be my soul mate, in the way I thought Kylie was last night, but she’s been my girlfriend for almost a year. I can’t do this to her. It’s not fair.

“I’m not breaking up with you, Lil. Yesterday was a…mistake.” Right now, I just want to make Lily feel better. And get in the car and head back to Freiburg. I’ll worry about the rest later.

“Okay. Good.” Lily collapses into me. I pull her close. She smells like lemon and ginger, the shampoo she always uses. This is such a familiar place, it’s hard not to just relax and fall into the same old patterns.

“It’s okay, Lil,” I say as I stroke her hair.

“Is it, Max?”

Lily looks up at me, beaten, broken. Last night, with Kylie, I would have said without a moment’s hesitation that things between Lily and me were done. But now, in the harsh light of day, with Kylie hating me and Lily in pieces, the night has given way to the realities of the morning.

Lily leans in and kisses me on the lips. It doesn’t feel the least bit sexual. More like a kiss from a friend. But maybe I’m just feeling numb from everything.

“Don’t break up with me,” Lily pleads.

“Okay,” I say.

“You’re my soul mate. If we’re going to make it, we’ll have much more than this to weather.”

Maybe last night was just a blip on the radar. A crazy Mexican dream.

“You know what, Max? We don’t have to tell each other all our dirty little secrets. It’s cool. If you say nothing happened, then nothing happened.”

“Nothing happened,” I say again. Less and less convinced that it’s true. Everything happened.

“I just want to know we’re okay.”

“We’re okay,” I say.

“’Kay, let’s head back to La Jolla,” Lily says.

And just like that, Lily has rallied. I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s so Lily—a whirlwind of ever-changing moods. It’s better than her staying pissed. Only problem is, are we really okay? I don’t know. I look at her—her gorgeous body showing through her thin T-shirt and shorts, her long blond hair pulled into a messy ponytail, revealing her flawless face. She’s beautiful, like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, like a Barbie doll. Are we okay? Maybe. I know all her junk, and, in a way, that’s a relief to not have to learn someone else’s stuff from the beginning. But is that enough? Maybe not. Shit. I am out of my league here. I thought I could handle these types of situations, but I’m crumbling.

“I love you so much, Max. I don’t want to ever lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work.”

“Yeah, me too,” I say. As soon as it’s out of my mouth, I know I don’t mean it. Maybe I did at one time. But not anymore. The problem is, I don’t know what else I can say. I’m losing my grip on things. It’s harder and harder for me to see what’s real. Maybe when the hangover lets up. Maybe when I’ve had some time to think and put it all in perspective. Or maybe it is what it is—one awesome night in Mexico with a girl I barely know. Maybe life is full of moments like this—fleeting, genius moments that don’t bleed into real life. And don’t mean much when they’re over.