Текст книги "Strings Attached"

Автор книги: Stephanie Julian

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Chapter Four

Baz watched the cab drive away, frustration and lust eating away at his stomach like acid.

He wanted to punch the wall but knew from experience he’d only bust his hand, and then he’d be frustrated, horny, and in pain.

And he wouldn’t be able to play the piano or his guitar.

Still, he couldn’t help but aim a swift kick at the brick wall in the hallway after he retreated inside.

Shit.

He’d fucked up. Bad.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he headed back to the viewing room and threw himself down on the couch.

He tried to watch the band but all he could see was Tru on his lap. All he heard was the sound of her moaning as he made her come and the feel of her soft lips crushed under his.

What the hell had he done?

Nothing she hadn’t wanted.

Christ, he hoped that was true.

Damn it, it had to be. She could’ve pushed him away at anytime. He hadn’t forced her. Sure, he’d seduced her, but there was a difference between coercion and seduction.

And he hadn’t held her down. No, he’d pulled her over his lap, and she’d followed his lead. She hadn’t pushed him away. She’d pulled him closer.

Fuck.

He wanted to continue what they’d started. Wanted to unzip his pants and pull her over his lap again so she could ride him. As it was, his cock throbbed like a sonovabitch. Ached with unreleased lust.

Jesus, how had he not realized how hot Tru was under that tight-ass, virgin-queen exterior?

And now that he knew, how the hell was he going to not think about having his fingers inside her while she came every time he saw her?

He wanted a drink. A stiff glass of good whiskey. He hadn’t craved an artificial means of relieving his tension in a couple of months, but right now he seriously wanted alcohol.

He got to the bar but Gina and the guys were wrapping up their set and he had no excuse not to go down and say hi. Xander wouldn’t have told them he was here but he couldn’t not see them.

And you need the distraction.

Pushing all thoughts of Tru to the back of his mind he headed downstairs.

He passed a few people who did double takes, then he gave a wry grin to the bouncer at the backstage door.

The guy, who looked enough like Xander that he had to be family, said, “Sebastian Valenti, right? Xander said you might stop down. When’s Baseline Sins coming out with new music, man? Loved the last album.”

He should’ve been getting used to the question by now. Shouldn’t have continued to feel so much damn guilt. Holding his smile, he gave his standard answer. “Working on it.”

The guy’s smile appeared completely genuine. “Good to know. Your fans miss you.”

Baz took that like the hit it was, straight to the heart. He bumped knuckles with the guy as he opened the door and let Baz through.

Chaos still reigned backstage as the crew loaded out the equipment. He skirted around the hardworking roadies and headed for the green room.

A few of the guys looked twice then clapped him on the shoulder or nodded and said hi. Thankfully, no one stopped to talk because he didn’t know what he’d say.

As he got closer to the door, he remembered that Gina had called him after he’d gotten out of the hospital. She hadn’t been the only one but she was one of the few who’d called several times.

And he’d ignored her every time.

Just like he’d ignored his bandmates. Ignored Nik.

Shaking his head, he stopped at the door, hearing the din of several voices speaking at once.

Laughing, swearing, ribbing. All of them on a typical after-show high.

How bad of an idea was this? Gina and the guys partied. The liquor would be flowing, and there’d be recreational drugs being passed around. He hadn’t allowed himself to be around anyone who could tempt him to use anything harder than alcohol.

Tonight probably wasn’t the best time to test his resolve but, goddamn it, he needed to prove to himself that he had a fucking backbone.

Lifting his hand before he talked himself out of it, he knocked on the door.

A split-second later, the door flashed open.

“How much do we owe– Baz? Holy fuck! Baz!”

A second later, he found himself bear-hugged by one of the last people he’d expected to see.

He would’ve recognized the guy anywhere since he’d known him since sixth grade. Of course, he’d never seen him with a beard that looked like he was auditioning for ZZ Top.

“Zach. Jesus, what the hell are you doing here?”

His Baseline Sins bandmate didn’t release him right away. Instead, he hugged him tighter. And Baz’s arms went around Zach’s back and hugged him just as tight. Clung might have been more accurate.

He didn’t give a fuck. Christ, this felt—

Behind them, someone started screaming his name, and suddenly he was surrounded.

Gina got to them first, ripping him away from Zach and squeezing him until he wasn’t sure he could breathe.

“How the hell are you? Did you just get here? Did you see the show?”

He hugged her back then turned to shake hands with the rest of the band.

Every one of them actually looked happy to see him. And none of them gave him the look. The one his parents had given him every day for two solid months after he’d gotten out of rehab. The one that wondered if today was the day he’d fuck up and nearly kill himself. Again.

“Yeah, I was here for the whole thing. Even caught some of Joby and Kyle’s set.” The young brothers fronted the band who’d opened for Gina and the guys. “You sounded great.”

Gina’s smile lit the entire room. “Fuck yeah! Of course we did.”

Baz smiled back as the conversation became raucous, obscenity-laden chaos.

“You fucking shredded that solo in ‘Gravity Bends,’ man. I swear that guy in the front row fucking came in his jeans when you let him finger your guitar.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t all he tried to finger.”

“Did you see the girl halfway back? She had her shirt up most of the damn time. I thought you were gonna trip over your tongue.”

“Jesus, her tits must be one of the world’s greatest works of art.”

“Yeah, her doctor gave her fucking bazookas.”

The band still buzzed with energy from the concert and alcohol flowed like water, although he noticed Zach held a Red Bull and not his usual beer.

Gina kept glancing at him but didn’t ask anything he couldn’t answer. By now, they all knew what had happened, but no one brought it up and for that he wanted to kiss them.

He wasn’t ready to talk about those fucked-up months just before and immediately after his near-miss overdose. Especially not with so many people. If it’d just been Zach . . .

He turned to face his bandmate and found him watching him intently. Zach smiled when he realized Baz had caught him staring. He looked at Gina, who gave Zach a smile that made Baz’s eyebrows lift.

Well, damn, when had that happened?

He’d been out of the loop too long. But he knew he wasn’t ready to jump back into the lifestyle. Not yet.

When?

His chest tightened, and he had to swallow to push down the spurt of panic.

He didn’t have an answer to that.

Behind him, one of the crew stuck his head through the door and knocked on the wall to get the band’s attention.

He didn’t have to say anything. They’d been on tour for years. A couple of the guys groaned. Baz didn’t know where they were headed next, but apparently the trip was going to be a long one and the guys weren’t looking forward to getting back on the bus.

As they started to gather their stuff, they all shook Baz’s hand and told him to keep in touch.

Then it was only Baz and Gina and Zach. And Baz realized he needed to leave so they could have some privacy.

Walking up to Gina, he wrapped his arms around her.

“Good to see you, babe. You sound fucking great.”

Her smile forced him to smile back. “It was nice to see you, too.” She cupped his face in her hands and leaned forward to kiss him. At one time, he would’ve gotten hard at her nearness. He’d lusted after this woman for long, frustrating months several years ago, but nothing had ever come of it. Now, her kiss did nothing for him. Because all he could think about was the heat he’d generated with Tru.

When she pulled away, much quicker than she would have even a year ago, she gave his face a shake.

“Don’t be such a fucking stranger. We missed you. And take care.”

He nodded and smiled, the action feeling a little more natural than it had in ages.

“Baz, wait around for me, okay?” Zach clasped his shoulder, his expression plainly showing his worry that Baz would refuse.

“Absolutely. I’ll be in Xander’s office.”

He didn’t want to go to the bar, didn’t want to deal with the inevitable recognition and well-meaning fans who’d want to talk. Before, he would’ve loved it. Would’ve shared a few drinks and talked music for hours.

Tonight, he just wasn’t into it. So he was going to hide in the office. Yes, hide.

Christ, he was a fucking mess.

No wonder Tru had run. She was brilliant, after all.

With a sigh, he stalked through the hall with his head down, not making eye contact with anyone. Luckily, no one stopped him and he made it without incident.

But when he got to the office, he realized he had way too much to think about and way too much time to think about it.

Christ almighty, he’d fucked up.

He couldn’t sit, but Xander’s office wasn’t huge, and he ended up wearing a path in the floor as he waited for Zach to arrive.

His brain kept ping-ponging between thoughts of Tru and Zach until he was ready to tear out his hair. Or drink himself into a coma. And that was dangerous.

He didn’t know how long he’d waited but by the time Zach arrived, Baz had decided alcohol was definitely needed, and when Zach finally walked through the door, Baz was waiting, ready to head back out.

Zach’s wide grin forced him to stop. To slow down. And to give himself to the relief that swept over him when Zach wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“Damn, it’s good to see you.” Zach pulled away so he could look at Baz.

Baz took the time to check out his friend as well.

Zach looked . . . happy.

His hazel eyes held no trace of a buzz, from either drugs or alcohol. Then again Zach had never been one to get fucked up for no reason other than that it was Monday or Sunday or any day in between.

Yeah, he could pound enough liquor to put an overgrown frat bro to shame but, more often than not, Zach just didn’t. And drugs were totally off limits with him for his own reasons.

His unruly mane of ginger curls had been cut down to short waves that made him look halfway respectable.

Baz had always been the one his bandmates ragged on for looking normal. With all his tattoos covered, he could pass for a kindergarten teacher.

Zach usually looked like a wild man. He’d let his hair grow down to his shoulders so he could pull it back in a bushy tail when he played. He’d always carried a few more pounds than everyone else but today the guy looked seriously ripped. Like maybe he worked out at the gym a few hours every day and ate hard-boiled eggs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The guy made Baz look anorexic by comparison

“Dude, what the fuck happened to you? You hulked the fuck out.”

Zack laughed and slapped Baz on the shoulder as he shook his head. “Too much time on my hands, man. Needed some way to blow off the steam.”

Which was all Baz’s fault.

“Fuck, man. I didn’t mean that as an insult.” Zach shook his head. “Dude, seriously, not everything’s your fault. Not to thank you for nearly killing yourself or anything, but these past few months have been good for me. Seriously. I think we all needed a break. I just wish we’d kinda talked things out before it got so bad for you.”

Baz nodded, still not knowing what the fuck to say to one of his best friends. And that totally sucked.

But apparently Zach didn’t have the same problem.

“So, how the fuck are you? And no bullshit this time.”

Looking into Zach’s eyes, he nodded, smiling. “I’m better.”

Zach’s gaze narrowed. “Straight up? You don’t look better, man. Honestly, you still look a little strung out and that worries me.”

Baz opened his mouth to lie, then shut it before he did. He was sick of telling people what they wanted to hear. He had a feeling he wasn’t fooling anyone lately and that was dangerous.

“You have time to get a drink and talk for a while?”

Zach’s grin made a reappearance. “You know it. Where to?”

Baz thought about taking him back to Haven but he didn’t want to run into Sabrina or Greg.

“Up for a walk?”

*  *  *

“Nice digs.” Zach whistled appreciatively as he strolled around the studio at ManDown. “You sleeping with this guy or what?”

Zach’s smile made it clear he wasn’t serious, but Baz still felt like he owed an explanation. “Sometimes I think Greg built the studio here so he could keep an eye on me. But the guy’s just not like that. He built the studio so I’d have a place to work. No strings.”

“And you like writing scores? I mean, I know you’re a musical prodigy and all, but this seems so different.”

“Yeah, it’s different but I like it. It requires different muscles. Know what I mean?”

Zach nodded as he stopped at the baby grand and ran his fingers over the keys. Zach didn’t play the piano. He was one of the best self-taught drummers Baz had ever met, but he had no aptitude for any other instrument. And no desire to play them.

“Looks like a nice setup.”

“It is. But . . . I miss our music.”

Zach finally stopped wandering. “Glad to hear it.” Then he sighed. “Nik’s been talking like you’re not coming back.”

Fuck. “That’s bullshit.”

Zach nodded, leaning back against piano, staring straight at Baz. “Good. So when are you coming back? ’Cause I gotta say, I’m getting fucking bored as hell waiting around.”

And now the guilt fell on his shoulders like a ten-ton weight. He was the only reason his band wasn’t producing new music. They were ready. But they needed him. And he continued to let them down.

“Fuck, I’m sorry—”

“Nah, man, that’s not why I said that.” Zach shook his head. “I’m not looking to guilt you into anything. I honestly just wanna know how you’re doing. We’re worried about you. All of us.”

“Honestly . . . I’m better than I have been in a while. This movie music is helping me get a little balance. But . . . that’s not all I’ve been working on.”

He hadn’t said anything to anyone, not even Sabrina. It was still too new. And anything he wrote for Baseline Sins came with huge expectations. Even Greg would be psyched if he admitted he was working on new Sins music.

But he had to tell someone and he felt right telling Zach.

Zach’s eyebrows lifted. “So, you gonna tell me what?”

“I’ve got a few measures.” Actually, he had more than a few. He had a fucking computer file full of them. “They need work but . . . yeah. I’ve got some new stuff.”

“But you haven’t given anything to Nik yet.”

He shook his head. “The last time we talked, things didn’t go so well.”

“Yeah, I heard about that.” Zach sighed and scrubbed a hand through his short curls. “You guys need to try that again. This time without the punching.”

“How is he?”

Zach stared at him hard, like he was trying to read him. “You really wanna know?”

Baz tried not to take that the wrong way. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

Zach shrugged. “He’s pissed. He’s depressed. And he’s ready to give up on you.”

It hurt like a fucking blade in his gut. “That go for the rest of the guys?”

“Nah. We know you’ll be back. Nik needs more from you. You know that. He always has.”

Baz nodded, that knife twisting a little deeper.

“So you gonna play me some of this new music or what? I gotta say I’m curious as all hell.”

Baz had to admit he was just as curious about what Zach would think of what he’d created.

But there was that niggling prick at the back of his brain that he couldn’t quite ignore.

What if Zach hated it? What if Baz had lost the fire he needed to write the kind of music he loved?

*   *   *

By the time she got back to her apartment, Tru had almost convinced herself that tonight hadn’t happened.

That it’d all been some weird, drug-induced dream.

That she hadn’t let Sebastian kiss her and hadn’t actually come around his fingers.

But she’d never been able to fool herself for long. She was too damn practical for that.

No, she’d fucked up good and needed to fix the situation.

Sure, smart girl, how are you going to do that?

Damn good question. One that was going to keep her up all night.

Along with the ache between her legs.

Damn it.

She’d already stripped off her dress, pulled on her oldest, rattiest sweats and huddled into the corner of her comfy sectional, remote in one hand, glass of wine in the other.

After flipping through more than two hundred stations for a second time and finding nothing to watch, she flipped off the TV with a huff and tossed the remote at the opposite corner. She eyed her phone, but if she called her dad a second time today, he’d be on the first plane out, looking to put a hole through whoever was causing his daughter distress.

She should call Greg and explain why she and Sebastian had disappeared. Then again, she figured he’d call when he got the chance. Or he’d give her the third degree tomorrow.

And she couldn’t call Sabrina because if Greg hadn’t already called, then they were still wining and dining.

Wow, and how pitiful was she that she had only two people on her call list.

Which wasn’t necessarily true. She could call Crystal, her best friend from high school. She hadn’t talked to her in a few weeks. Or if she was really desperate, she could call her sister. And that made her feel like a total bitch.

Checking the clock, she knew Violet would still be awake with the time difference.

Since she couldn’t remember how long it’d been since she’d last talked to her sister, she figured that was as good enough of an excuse as any to call.

Guess I really am that desperate.

“Hey, Tru, is that you?”

“Hey, Vi. How’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s going.” Her sister’s droll response lacked its normal side helping of superiority.

I am so totally a bitch tonight. This was a bad idea.

No, she could do this. She could totally have an adult conversation with her sister. “You sound tired.”

Her sister’s unamused snort made Tru’s back stiffen.

Here it comes. The rundown of everything in Vi’s life that totally didn’t suck but she would totally make seem like it did.

Like the fact that she had a great husband and three wonderful kids and a house she adored and—

“It’s been a long week. So, what’s new with you?”

Whoa. That was it? Okay, that totally wasn’t like her sister. “Um, not too much. We’re getting everything in place to release Greg’s film in June. The guy doing the score is almost finished and that’s the last piece Greg needs for post-production.”

“How’s your new apartment? The pictures look nice.”

Was that a dig? Tru couldn’t tell. Truthfully, this whole conversation with her sister was so damn strange. Vi didn’t sound like herself tonight.

Was the whole damn world out to make her think she was crazy tonight?

“Ah, the new place is great, actually. I love it.”

“I’m glad to hear that. So what’s wrong?”

Tru’s back stiffened. “What do you mean?”

Vi’s huff sounded loud and clear through the phone. “I mean, what’s the problem? I can hear it in your voice.”

“I . . . I’m fine.”

“Do you need money?”

“What? No, I don’t need money. Why would you think that?”

“Well, gee, I don’t know. I don’t hear from you for months, and then you call out of the blue sounding like someone kicked your puppy. So spill.”

Her only response? “I don’t have a puppy.”

Her sister’s laugh sounded a little more normal now. “Okay, now I totally know something’s up. Tru, what’s wrong?”

“I . . . Fine. The musician Greg hired to do the score is a dick and he’s driving me crazy.”

“Ah.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Well, you haven’t given me much to go on. Do you want me to commiserate or kick you in the ass?”

“Truthfully?” She paused. “I don’t know.”

Vi huffed out a laugh. “Wow, something my amazingly brilliant baby sister doesn’t know. I can’t decide whether to laugh hysterically or be quietly dumbfounded.”

And she realized this is why she’d called her sister. Because Vi would call her on her bullshit.

“You could sound a little less gleeful.”

“Are you kidding? First of all, I can’t believe you called me about a guy. That in itself is amazing because I can’t remember the last time you did. High school, maybe? And second, you never think I have the answer to anything.”

That made Tru’s mouth drop open. Because Vi was right. “Have I always been such a bitch?”

Vi laughed loud and long. “Oh, hon, I think we’ve both had our share of bitchy. I’m just older and realized it faster. So tell me about this guy.”

Surprisingly, she wanted to.

“He’s an arrogant jerk who rubs me the wrong way every chance he gets.” And exactly the right way tonight. “I can’t stand him.” Bullshit. “I loathe him.” Except when he’s making me come. “And I don’t think I can stand to work with him anymore because he makes me want to gouge his eyes out.”

Unless I want to suck his tongue into my mouth.

“So who is this amazing man who drives Tru-the-Saint crazy?”

She decided to rise above and ignore the saint comment. “He’s a guitarist in a rock band.”

Vi paused. “Seriously?” So very much wonder expressed in that one word. “What band?”

“Baseline Sins.”

“Trev or Sebastian?”

“Wait, you know who Baseline Sins is?”

Vi snorted. “Don’t sound so surprised. I have kids but I’m not dead. Chris listens to them all the time and I like them.”

Well, damn. She’d learned something new about her sister. “Sebastian.”

“I heard he nearly died from an overdose last year.”

Tru’s immediate response was to stand up for him. “He’s fine now. He’s doing a great job on the score.”

“Ah.”

“Ah, what?”

“You’re attracted to the guy. Can’t say I blame you. I’ve seen their videos. The man’s downright fuckable.”

Tru’s mouth hung open for at least thirty seconds while her brain whirled in a continuous feedback loop of her sister saying “fuckable.”

“Damn, I’ve rendered you speechless.” Vi’s laughter held a hint of evil glee. “I have to say I’m kind of proud of myself right now.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

“She’s sitting right here, loving just how much you’re completely flustered by a guy.”

“I’m not completely flustered.”

Vi snorted. “Oh really? Then why’d you call?”

“Because . . . oh, shit. He kissed me.”

It was her sister’s turn to fall silent for at least three seconds.

“Holy freaking crap. Seriously? You kissed Sebastian Valenti?”

In the background, Tru heard her brother-in-law say, “What the fuck?” which made Tru laugh. She couldn’t help herself.

But it quickly devolved into a sigh. “More like he kissed me. And . . . I think I totally screwed up, Vi. And I don’t know how to fix it.”

“What’s there to fix? It’s not like you slept with the guy? Right?”

“No.” Though now she couldn’t stop thinking about what it’d be like. “I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Maybe I should rephrase that. Did you have sex with the rock star, Tru?”

“Um, no.”

In the background, she heard Chris say, “Holy shit. She slept with Sebastian Valenti? How was he?”

“She didn’t sleep with him,” Vi said. “Or so she claims. But you want to, don’t you? Please tell me you want to sleep with the hot guy. Otherwise, I’m seriously going to think there’s something wrong with you.”

Tru wanted to tear at her hair. “Ugh. I don’t know what I want. I shouldn’t want him. He drives me absolutely fucking crazy on purpose. And then there’s the whole working-together thing.” And the fact that he’s still working through issues, big issues. “He definitely isn’t relationship material.”

“Ah. And there it is.”

“There what is?”

“That unbendable piece of you that always has to make everything right or at least make it mean something. You’ve always been so focused that sometimes I think you forget that life’s really not a lot of fun if you don’t give yourself the chance to have any.

“Sometimes, Tru, you just gotta say, ‘What the fuck?’ and do something just because you want to. You used to be able to do that. What happened?”

Shit.

“Tru, you still there?”

“Yeah. I’m still here.”

“That’s too bad ’cause I think you should go sleep with the rock star.”