Текст книги "Strings Attached"

Автор книги: Stephanie Julian

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

As Kate and cool, quiet Talia raised their flutes to her, she knew she’d made the right decision to come. She needed to get all this stuff off her chest and she needed someone who kind of knew what she was dealing with. Sabrina had had her own problems with Greg. And Kate and Tyler’s relationship hadn’t always been hearts and roses. Talia . . . she and Dane seemed like the perfect couple at the moment but maybe she’d be willing to share how she pulled that off.

“I totally get the whole musician thing,” Kate said. “When Ty plays the piano, it’s like foreplay. It’s something about watching his hands move, and then thinking about him using them on my body.”

“Kind of like Greg and his camera,” Sabrina added as she poured Tru one of whatever they were drinking.

“All Dane has to do is look at me a certain way and I’m toast,” Talia said. “I guess I’m just that easy.”

And that quickly, Tru felt her shoulders relax. “But it’s all happened really fast. I mean, we just started, uh, dating? Hell, that’s not even right. Last night was our first real date.”

Sabrina waved her hand. “You guys have been flirting for the past three months. You just called it fighting. Everyone else figured you were going to end up in bed together or in jail after you tried to kill him.”

“But it’s not like I’m ready to marry the guy.”

“Well, of course you’re not.” Kate got up to answer the soft knock at the door and waved in the young waiter pushing a large cart filled with covered trays. “Thank you, Billy. I appreciate it.”

“No problem, Ms. Song. Have a nice morning. If you need anything else, let me know.”

After Kate closed the door behind him, she turned back to Tru. “But if the sex is really good, and you can’t wait to get him in bed again, then don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Enjoy it while it lasts.”

Tru winced. “Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it? It’s not going to last.”

“What do you mean?” Sabrina asked.

“I mean, he’s going to get back together with his band, they’re going to record a new album, and they’ll go out on tour again. And that’ll be the end of that.”

Talia frowned at her. “Why does that have to be the end? Lots of musicians are married and have families. Why does your relationship have to end when he goes on tour?”

“Because I don’t think a relationship built on three nights together can weather a year-long tour with women throwing themselves at him every night.”

There. She’d said it out loud. The black cloud that’d been hanging over her head for the past couple of days.

“I just don’t know that I’m cut out for the life of a musician’s girlfriend. Honestly, why the hell would he want to tie himself down to one woman when he could have pretty much anyone he wanted any night of the week?”

“I guess it will come down to whether or not you trust him enough to stick with him.” Talia’s soft words made Tru look right at the other woman, whose gaze had a knowing look. “It takes a hell of a lot of trust to give someone that piece of yourself you’ve kept safe for so long. Just imagine how great it would feel if Baz actually lived up to the person you want him to be. But if you don’t give him the opportunity, you’ll never know.”

Everything went quiet for a moment, and then Kate’s napkin sailed through the air and hit Talia on the shoulder.

“Damn, woman.” Kate’s voice held an edge of wonder. “When did you become such a guru of relationships? Don’t get me wrong, that was totally the shit. But seriously, I don’t think I know you at all.”

As Sabrina began to laugh, which turned into a snort, and Kate joined her, Talia continued to hold Tru’s gaze. “I’ve had my own issues with trust. Sometimes you just have to make the leap. Otherwise, you really could miss out on something amazing. Do you really think he’s worth it?”

Tru only had to think about that for two seconds. “Yeah, I do.”

“Then there’s your answer.”

Sabrina whipped her napkin at Tru. “Of course he’s worth it. But so are you. And he’s an idiot if he doesn’t treat you right. And I’d tell him that myself if I knew you wouldn’t shoot me if I did.”

“Damn right I would. I can fight my own battles. Now, where’s the damn carbs you promised me? I need sugar. And alcohol. And later, I’ll probably need a nap.”

And then she’d chart out the course of the rest of her life.

Ha.

*   *   *

Baz waited by the door for Nik to show up, as nervous as if he was going on a first date.

Which was really fucking stupid. But then nothing about the last week of his life had been normal. Hell, the past year of his life had been far from it.

What the hell classified as normal anyway? Up until two nights ago, Ty had been the most average guy he’d known, and then . . . Bam! They throw the Salon at him. A freaking sex-party room.

Sure, everybody has their kinks. But when you build a fucking shrine to them . . . Definitely not standard behavior.

Nik kissing him the way he had last night was so not like him. Why wouldn’t his fucking heart slow down?

It didn’t get any better when he spotted Nik emerging from the parking garage down the street.

He hadn’t noticed last night but Nik’s black-as-ink hair had grown out from the Mohawk he’d had pretty much since the day they left on tour that first time. Now it fell in long, uneven chunks around his face and still managed to make him look like a badass.

Then again, Nikky always looked good. It was part of the reason the band did so well with women. They loved him. Whether it was his looks, which a Rolling Stone reporter had once described as “the face of a fallen angel,” or the way he moved onstage like “sex and chocolate and fine whiskey” they wanted to eat him up.

Female fans mobbed him after shows, held up signs saying they wanted to marry him. Most of them were serious.

Baz still saw the furious little boy who didn’t believe his mother loved him enough to keep him safe and who would sleep in Baz’s bed more often than his own because his mom was just as happy to have the kid out of her house so she could screw around with her asshole of a second husband.

Okay, maybe Baz still had a few unresolved issues with Nik’s mother, too. It served to remind him that they’d been through too much together to not make this work.

Baz had the door open before Nik reached it. He looked just as nervous as Baz felt, which put him more at ease. At least he wasn’t the only one ready to jump out of his skin.

“Hey. Come on in.”

“Thanks. So, what is this place?”

“The offices for Greg Hicks’s production company.”

Nik’s head swiveled, looking all around. “The place is fucking huge.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much an entire city block. I recorded the music for the score here.”

He wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth but Nik didn’t look upset at the mention of the score. He just nodded and continued to look around.

“So you liked doing the score?”

Was there something else behind such an innocent sounding question? Or was Baz trying to read too damn much into everything that came out of Nik’s mouth?

“Yeah, it was different. A challenge.”

Nik just nodded like his head was on a spring. “Where’s this studio?”

Baz waved his hand for Nik to follow him and lead him down the hall. They walked in silence, Baz trying not to watch Nik like a dangerous zoo animal. Trying not to look at his mouth or even think about that kiss.

If Nik didn’t bring it up, Baz had decided he wasn’t going to either. Maybe it’d be better if they just ignored it.

When they finally reached the studio, Baz flicked the lights on, then couldn’t help the nervousness that hit him. He wanted Nik to like this place. Wanted him to feel welcome here. Wanted him to want to be here. To make music here. With Baz. And Trev and Jase and Zach.

Baz hadn’t realized how fucking much he wanted his band back until last night. It’d become a gnawing ache in his gut.

Nik walked by him and into the studio. Baz followed, letting the door close behind him. Nik walked over to the mixing boards, ran his hands over it in a caress. Then he lifted his head and looked out into the studio.

“Damn. Forgot the light.”

Baz turned and hit the switch to light the interior, then watched Nik take in the studio.

“Wow. He built this for you?”

“Kind of. Greg’s got this vision. He wants this place to be a one-stop shop for artists. He loves music. He’s been to a few of our concerts.”

“That’s cool.” Nik didn’t turn to look at him, just kept staring into the studio. “So he wants us to record here? Or he just wants you?”

“Us. Our band. I want to get back to our music, Nik. I’ve missed it. Last night, I felt what I’d been missing since I overdosed.”

Nik flinched when Baz said that last word but he was sick of tiptoeing around the subject, no matter who he was talking to.

Finally, Nik turned and looked right at him. “I let you down, didn’t I?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“After you OD’d. I was so pissed off at you and I was so fucking scared. I had no idea what the fuck to do so I didn’t do anything.”

“What are you talking about?”

Nik sucked in a deep breath and Baz heard the hitch in it. “I thought I was doing the right thing by Roxy. I honestly thought she was pregnant and there was no way in fucking hell I was going to do to my kid what my fucking sperm donor did to me. I thought you were being an asshole, that you were jealous. I didn’t believe you, and that’s on me. I pushed you over the fucking edge.”

“Shit, no. No way, Nikky. It wasn’t you. My failings are all my own. And I failed myself when I overdosed. I was so fucking stupid. This isn’t on you.”

An awkward silence fell until Baz couldn’t hold Nik’s tortured gaze any longer. He let his eyes lower as he shook his head and fell onto the piano bench.

“So where do we go from here?”

Nik spoke so softly, Baz wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly.

“What do you mean?”

Nik grimaced. “I mean do you really want to come back or did you just say it because you don’t know what else to say?”

Baz’s head popped back up. “Damn it, Nik. Of course, I fucking mean it.” Then something occurred to him that made his stomach roll over. “Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to be part of Baseline Sins anymore?”

Nik didn’t answer right away and now Baz’s stomach started to hurt.

“Christ, Baz.” Nik shook his head. “We used to be able to read each other’s minds. We used to be able to look at each other and know what the other one was thinking. How the fuck did we get here?”

“I don’t know. The questions is, can we get past it?”

Nik’s gaze narrowed. “Do you want to get past it?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. What about you? Why are you here?”

“Because I miss my goddamn best friend.”

Nik’s voice held a leashed fury Baz recognized from their teen years. When he’d been so pissed off at his mom or her husband that he could barely breathe. He and Nik had made some of their best music then.

Would it be different now? Would the music come from a different place?

Interesting question. Baz wrote music because he heard it everywhere. In the scrape of a chair across the floor or the sound of water dripping off a roof. Nik wrote lyrics because they purged something inside him.

Baz took a deep breath. And then another. “Then let’s just forget all the other shit happened and start again.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

“No. No fucking way, Nik. You can’t—”

Nik held a hand out. “Hear me out, goddamn it. Just . . . let me say this.”

It took a huge effort on Baz’s part to keep his mouth shut.

Nik took a breath and kept his gaze locked on the floor. “I can’t forget because I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget how it felt to treat you like that because I don’t want to make the same mistake again. I treated you like shit. My best fucking friend in the whole world and, Jesus Christ, you could’ve fucking died. And I would’ve been pissed at you for the rest of my life for leaving me. And how fucked up is that?”

Baz didn’t know what to say to that. Did Nik want Baz to forgive him for deserting him? Tell him it was okay? That everything was better now? Hug him or punch him? Or both?

Baz inhaled and released it on a huge sigh. Did any of that really matter now?

No. It didn’t. “Yeah, it’s fucked up. But that’s just us. We know that. And I’m not giving up on our friendship because of one bad year.”

Nik swallowed hard then sat beside Baz on the bench. “So that’s it? We just go back to the way we were?”

“I’m not saying we go back to how we were. I’m saying we move forward from here.”

“And what does that mean?”

Baz smiled. “It means you admit you were an asshole and I admit I was an idiot. Then you go get your notebook, because you told me you were writing, and we’ll do some work and we’ll go from there.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Nik didn’t look convinced but he didn’t look totally against it, either. And when he finally took another unsteady breath and nodded, Baz felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders.

They both started to smile at the same time but Nik looked away after a few seconds, just after Baz saw something flash across his expression. Was he thinking about that kiss last night? Should he bring it up? Did he really want to bring it up?

“Okay.” Nik stood and headed for the door. “Let me get my notebook out of my car.”

“Nikky . . .”

Their gazes caught and held.

“Last night . . . Do we—”

“No.” Nik shook his head. “We don’t. It didn’t mean anything. Just . . . forget it, okay? Heat of the moment, lost my head, whatever. I’m good if you are.”

Was he? “Yeah. I’m good. So we’re gonna work now?”

“Yeah. Unless you can’t?”

He’d known this was a possibility when he’d left Tru this morning but he hadn’t let himself think too far ahead. “No, it’s great.” He took a breath. “I’ll leave the front door open for you.”

When Nik left, Baz pulled out his phone. He texted Greg first, to let him know he and Nik would be in the studio all day. Then he tried to figure out what the hell to tell Tru. Which was stupid. All he needed to say was he and Nik would be working all day and he’d see her tonight. She’d understand. She’d tell him no problem and she’d see him later.

And if their writing session lasted all night, he’d apologize and tell her he’d see her tomorrow morning when she came into the office. He and Nik sometimes worked better at night.

But if they kept this up for the next several weeks, he’d never see Tru.

No. Fuck that. It wasn’t going to happen. He was going to fucking have it all and nothing was going to stand in his way.

*   *   *

Tru got Sebastian’s text in the cab on her way to the office.

Hey. We talked. Everything’s cool. We’re gonna do some work, see how things sound. Might be a long day. We’ll be in the studio. You gonna be in the office at all today?

It took her a few seconds to craft a reply, mainly because her heart was beating so hard, she could barely hear herself think over the thumping in her ears.

That’s great. Glad it worked out. Heading to office now. Talk to you soon.

Okay, this changed nothing. At least, not right now.

“Oh, for Christ sake, it’s not like we’re engaged. Or married. It’s just sex.”

And shit. She’d just said that out loud. No wonder the cab driver gave her a weird look in the rearview.

She needed to get a grip before she saw him. And ditch the boulder sitting on her shoulders.

Of course, when the cab pulled to a stop in front of the office, she nearly couldn’t force herself to open the door.

“Fuck this,” she growled at herself. “You’re not some groupie.”

Running her card through the machine on the back of the seat, she gave the driver a big tip, because he probably thought she was a crazy person, talking to herself. And maybe she was.

Not allowing herself to think about Sebastian and sex anymore, she focused on work.

What she needed to get done today, what she needed to have in order for Jessalynn to start tomorrow. What Greg would need for tomorrow. What she still had to do to get ready for the film release in a couple of months.

She had more than enough to keep her busy and she’d never had a problem keeping her mind on task before, even if she was handling five things at once. That skill had made her so valuable, several other producers had tried to steal her away from Greg.

So she’d concentrate on work. And forget everything she’d told the girls at brunch.

Okay. That sounded like a plan.

She’d reached the door and was just about to grab the handle when someone reached around from behind her.

“Here. Let me get that.”

She managed to swallow a startled scream as she realized Nik was at her back.

“Thank you.” She stopped just inside the door and waited for him to join her. “I’m just going to lock this. I don’t like to leave the front door open on the weekends when there’s no one to man the desk. You just don’t know who’ll try to get in.

Nik’s mouth twisted in a wry grin. “Like some washed-up rock stars, huh?”

“Rock stars, yes. Washed up . . . not really. Not after what I saw last night.”

Nik’s grin turned into a softer smile. “Yeah, I think we kind of surprised ourselves.”

“I’m glad you and Sebastian are going to be working together again. You make great music.”

Nik’s gaze narrowed. “You’re a fan?”

“Honestly, I’d never heard of your band until I met Sebastian. But since I listened to your music, yeah, I’ve become a fan.”

She turned and began to walk toward her office, Nik matching her stride. She hadn’t realized how imposing he’d be standing next to her. He was a little taller than Sebastian and, Jesus, the guy was gorgeous. Yeah, she’d noticed last night but in the bright light of day . . . Holy shit, it was no wonder women were constantly tossing underwear and bras at the stage.

She’d never understood that. Did they write their names on the underwear before they threw them? How else would the guys know who it’d come from? And was it clean underwear—

And there went her train of thought. Jeez, she hoped she’d be able to get at least a little work done today.

“He likes you.”

She didn’t pretend to misunderstand Nik. “I like him, too.”

“Good, because he’s a fucking awesome guy.”

“He’s also amazingly talented and devoted to his band.”

Nik stared down at her like he was trying to read her mind or figure out what she really meant.

“Yeah. So I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other for a while.”

“If you’re going to be working in the studio with Sebastian, then, yeah, we will.”

“And you don’t have a problem with that?”

She shook her head. “Why would I?”

Damn, she really hoped she was a good liar because she’d just told a huge one. She did have a problem, but it was one she’d keep to herself. Forever. Because she wasn’t going to be that kind of woman. The kind who clung and made trouble and caused problems.

“No reason.” Nik nodded. “Glad to hear it. Guess I’ll be seeing you around.”

She smiled. “That’s great.”

“Yeah. Great. Talk to you later.”

When he turned to walk away, she stepped into her office and shut the door. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the door and took a deep breath.

“God, you’re being ridiculous. Snap out of it.”

She needed to stop talking to herself. She’d picked up that bad habit lately and soon people would be crossing the street to avoid her.

Blowing out a breath, she pushed away from the door and headed for her desk. For the next few minutes, she had a little success immersing herself in work until she heard a quick knock, followed by the door opening and Sebastian poking his head through.

“Hey, you got a minute?”

He looked . . . happy. His eyes were a bright, beautiful blue, and his smile looked so relaxed. She wanted to climb over her desk and throw herself at him. Luckily she had a little bit of self-control remaining.

“Sure.” She smiled back.

“Good, because I need to apologize for not having breakfast for you this morning.”

“No, you don’t—”

His mouth dropped over hers, his tongue pushing between her lips to kiss her deeper and harder than she’d expected. She drew in air through her nose, otherwise she might’ve passed out from lack of oxygen.

Her hands reached up for his shoulders and she ignored the awkward tilt of her head to keep their lips together. She didn’t think she’d ever get enough of his kisses. Or enough of him.

And she knew she wasn’t going to have him forever.

So she opened and let him in farther.

He seemed starved for her, like he couldn’t get enough of her. His tongue slid along hers with sensuous intent, making her ache to be penetrated lower.

As if he’d read her mind, he grabbed her under her arms and lifted her out of her chair and onto the top of her desk.

With their mouths more level, he twisted his head to the side and kissed her even more deeply. His hands roamed around to her back and pressed her closer; her breasts crushed against his chest.

She vaguely heard him shove her chair out of the way with his foot as he stepped closer, nudging her legs apart with his knees.

Since her tight skirt didn’t allow her much wiggle room, she yanked it up until she could spread her thighs far enough to get his cock wedged against her pussy.

Jesus, what she’d give not to be wearing panties at the moment. And to be able to pull down his zipper and have him make love to her, right here on her desk.

The images in her head made her moan and Sebastian pulled away to look down at her, his bright eyes narrowed.

“What was that for?”

She shook her head, not trusting her voice to give away her feelings. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. “You kiss really well. But then, you know that.”

His gaze narrowed even further. “Are you sure it’s not because you want me to do more than kiss you?”

Yes, please. “I think we both have work to do today and this isn’t helping us get it done.”

“And what if you’re part of what I want to do today?”

But for how long? “Then I think you’re going to have to wait until tonight.”

She caught her breath as she felt one of his hands slide along the inside of her thigh, making her pussy clench and her muscles tighten with need. “I don’t want to wait that long.”

Her eyes closed as his fingers reached her panties, plucking at the elastic and working their way under until he brushed against her damp, swollen labia.

“And I don’t think you do, either. Take them off.”

He spoke the words directly in her ear, his fingers rubbing against her lower lips and coming closer with each second to her clit, burning to be touched.

She knew what he wanted, and she wanted to give it to him until every muscle tightened in response.

Her body made the decision before her brain did. She reached for her panties but couldn’t pull them down because he was between her legs.

She pulled away, shoving at his shoulders. “Move back.”

He did without protest but the second she wriggled out of her panties and dropped them on the ground, he was back, hand cupping her breasts and sucking her tongue into his mouth.

He released her for a second to dig something out of his pocket while she yanked at the button on his jeans and dragged down his zipper. Frantic excitement made her fingers tremble but Sebastian’s relentless kisses and assured caresses helped calm her while maintaining the breakneck pace.

She had his cock in hand and was stroking him from root to tip while he wove one hand through her hair and tipped her head back to kiss her even deeper.

He groaned as she tightened her hand around his shaft, his fingers tightening in her strands and tugging. That sweet pain lit up every nerve in her body with fiery lust. At the same time, her heart melted just a little more.

No, no, no. None of that. This was just sex. Had to be just sex.

Her fingers flexed and tugged, urging him to go faster, wanting him to lose the control he seemed to be gaining with each second while hers slipped away just as fast.

He held all of the control. When had the balance of power shifted?

She moaned as he moved one hand between her legs, playing his fingers through her slick folds, then parting them to ease one finger inside.

His mouth left hers to nuzzle at her cheek as he slowly fucked her with his finger before adding another.

“So wet. So ready. Here, baby, put this on.”

Blindly, she turned her head to bite at his neck, wanting to leave a mark. And when he groaned, she moved to lick at his earlobe and felt him put the condom in her hand.

Pulling back so she could see what she was doing, she tore open the foil packet and watched her fingers tremble as she pulled the slippery disc from its confines. She had the brief desire to bend down and take him into her mouth and suck him off. But then she wouldn’t get to feel him moving inside her and she wanted that.

Sliding the condom over the head of his cock, she rolled it down then tugged him closer.

“Fast and hard. Is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

“Then hold on, baby.”

She automatically put her hands on his shoulders to brace herself as he stepped closer and pulled her toward the edge of the desk at the same time.

She still wasn’t ready when he stretched her wide and buried himself deep. She shook and moaned and tried to pull him deeper. Sebastian rested his forehead against hers and stayed still for a few seconds, breathing so heavily she thought Nik would be able to hear them.

His cock flexed inside her, and then he started to move. Fast and hard. Exactly what he’d promised. Her body shook with each thrust and she had to bite her tongue to not beg him to come back every time he retreated.

Tilting her hips to take him in even farther, she raised her thighs to grip his hips. His jeans scraped against the soft flesh of her inner thighs. A small price to pay for so much pleasure.

Already so close to an orgasm she felt her core trembling, she sucked in a breath, put her hands on his face, and drew his mouth up to kiss him.

He immediately took over and she steadied herself. Holding on as he took her mouth, her body and something much more precious.

She shuddered, emotion threatening to swamp her. So much passion tinged with desperation.

He must’ve picked up on her feelings because he slowed, just enough for her to realize he’d changed the pace.

Opening her eyes, which she hadn’t realized she’d closed, she pulled back to look up at him. His expression held so much fierce lust, she felt her pussy react with greed, clenching around him and milking him. His eyes flashed closed then he began to move as if he couldn’t bear not to.

And she held on until they both exploded.

*   *   *

Baz couldn’t catch his breath and his arms had started to cramp because he held Tru so tightly.

He didn’t want to let her go because . . . well, he had the weird feeling he wouldn’t be able to get her back.

Stupid, yeah. Because he wasn’t about to let her get away. Not now.

Turning his head, he pressed a kiss against her temple.

“Okay?”

He felt her nod, felt her breath against his skin in still-rapid puffs. Her arms tightened around his back in a brief hug before he felt her pull away.

When she looked up at him, she smiled. A sweet smile that made him lean down for another kiss. He couldn’t get enough of her. In the past five days, they’d built something he knew would stand. Just like his band. He’d known in the first few hours after they’d added Trev that they’d clicked.

He hadn’t been wrong there. He wasn’t wrong here.

He could fucking have it all.

With a sigh, he pulled out and away, knotting the condom and thinking twice about throwing it in her trash can.

Pulling up his pants, he watched her shimmy back into her panties and fix her skirt.

“Hey, babe?”

Her gaze popped up to his and held.

“Love you.” Then he leaned down to kiss her open mouth. “We’ll talk later. Gotta go make some music.”

He left her staring after him as he made his way to the bathroom to clean up but he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face.

Nik was gonna know exactly what he’d been doing, which made Baz falter for a few steps.

Staring into the mirror over the sink, he looked into his eyes, and for the first time in a long time, he could look at himself and not cringe.

Time to deal with Nik.

He’d left Nik in the studio listening to the music he’d recorded over the past couple of days.

When he walked in, Nik had the headphones on and his eyes closed, foot tapping away on the ground as he leaned back in the chair.

Baz didn’t make any noise but Nik opened his eyes as soon as Baz closed the door.

“You’ve been busy.” Nik pulled off the headphones and watched as Baz slid into the chair next to him. “Really busy.”

“So, what do you think?”

“I think it’s pretty damn good. I guess nearly dying gave you a new lease on life.”

“Pretty much, yeah. You think you can work with it?”

“I can work with anything you give me. You know that.” Nik looked away for a second and when he turned back, his expression had grown more intense. “I just gotta know if you’re back for good or if you’re just back for now. You’ve got all this other stuff on your plate. Stuff I’m guessing your parents are gonna love. Real music and all.”

They laughed at the old joke, at the question Baz’s parents had thrown at him before their last tour.

When are you going to grow up and write real music and stop messing around with your life?

“Our band, our music, this is my life, Nikky. And I fucking love it. But I also love writing scores. I had no idea how much until I started. It feeds another part of my brain, if that makes sense.”

Nik nodded slowly. “Yeah, I get it. Your brain never stops.”

“And that’s how the drugs got so bad. I was using them to stop the other shit in my head from overwhelming me.”

“And now you can do that all on your own?”

“I think having another outlet for the music helps. It’s a challenge, you know.”

“Like her. Like Trudeau.”

He hadn’t thought of it like that but . . . “Kind of. Maybe it started out that way but it’s become more.”

“Like serious more?”

“I love her.”

Nik looked away, shaking his hair out of those eyes women fought each other to stare into while he fucked them.

“So have you told her?”

“Yeah.”

“And does she love you back?”

“I haven’t given her the chance to say it.”

Nik nodded, still not looking at him. “She’s cool. I mean, she’s uptight, but that’s okay because it works for her.”

Yes. Exactly. This is why he and Nik were best friends. They saw things the same way.