Текст книги "Threefold"

Автор книги: Scott Hildreth

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

ETHAN

Although the poker run was fun, I wondered if kissing Rain at the point in time I chose to was in my best interest. She made no comments to the contrary, but her actions for the rest of the day left me feeling she didn’t enjoy it near as much as I had. As a result, I spent the entire day acting as if it didn’t happen. She was her normal playful, joyous, and appreciative of everything self, but sexually forward or receptive to my nonchalant comments for the remainder of the day she was not.

Initially, I wondered if my timing was just off, but later considered the fact she may have seen photos in my room of Chloe, and recognized her standing to the side of the booth with Bart. The thought of Rain thinking Chloe prompted the kiss out of spite, even though in some respects that was what had happened, sickened me. As a result, I discarded all of my old photos of Chloe, and was making an honest effort to move on with my life and proceed along a new path of having a clear mind and a clean conscious.

Now, as I gazed at the ceiling above my bed and studied the shadows the street lights cast against the concrete, I recalled the night Rain slept in my bed and we spent the entire night talking. What I wouldn’t give for a lifetime of having her by my side. Something about being in her presence made all of my thoughts of inferiority simply fade away. She was no doubt a very special woman, but something about her was calming, and almost magical. Having her beside me on that night allowed all of the feelings of my past disappear and only Rain and thoughts of her remained.

After some serious thought, I decided maybe I simply needed to take a step backward, be a more conventional person, and ask her on a date. All women liked to be taken on a date, and I believed if I explained myself, and expressed my lack of expectation regarding sex, she may agree not only to go, but she might do so with a more open mind and far less wonder regarding my intent.

Now feeling like nothing short of a fool, I decided I would just do that, ask her on a date. All I needed to do was decide the when and the where, and go from there. I tilted my head to the side, gazed through my bedroom door, and into the living room. A flicker of light from the second floor on the carpet in the center of the room let me know Rain was still up reading. Since she moved in, she spent more time reading than anything else.

It pleased me that she enjoyed reading, and I wondered what she read when she stayed up odd hours of the night doing so. Filled with regret for kissing her without warning, and potentially ruining any chances of making the advancements with her I hoped to make in the future, I rolled over, closed my eyes, and went to sleep.

RAIN

Ethan’s kiss didn’t disturb me, but it caught me off guard. I wondered how much differently things would have been if he had kissed me a month before he did. It isn’t necessarily the events in our life which determine the path we walk upon, but the sequence in which they unfold. The exact same events, placed before us in a different order, alter the outcome of our life drastically.

I sat and wondered what I would choose if I was able to rewind the clock and place events in certain order, yet be forced to live with the outcome. After shuffling things around in every imaginable way, I decided I didn’t have the ability to choose, and the exercise was futile.

Frustrated, I covered my head with the pillow and tried to be grateful for what I had. Try as I might, I could not stop thinking of Ethan, and how he made me feel safe. In his presence, I felt as if nothing or no one could harm me. He provided me unique feeling of comfort I had never felt before, and doubted I would ever feel again.

After considering my feelings may be a result of having not had a father in my life, I dismissed the thoughts, and decided he was nothing more than a man who was slightly older than me, and more capable than any other man I had ever met when it came to matters of making me feel secure and safe. His dreams and aspirations in life were no different than mine, and I admired him for sharing them with me.

Trying to think of living my life without Ethan or Cade made my head hurt, and I eventually chose not to think about it at all. I removed the pillow from my face, stared up at the ceiling, and recalled the night I slept in Ethan’s room without sleeping. We had stayed up all night talking until the sun came up the next day. I had never slept with a man all night before, and even though we hadn’t slept, I looked at Ethan, and would always look at Ethan, as my first male sleepover.

The more I tried not to think about it the more I thought about it. I compared the differences between Cade and Ethan, and wondered which one would be better for me in the long run. In a perfect world, a combination of Ethan’s considerate nature and tough persona, coupled with Cade’s neatness, nurturing qualities, and innocence would make the perfect man for me.

As I was well aware of the fact I couldn’t combine the two men into one, I wondered if it was possible that I loved them both, and if so, if it was probable I could in fact love them both. As I considered my options, and fought with my feelings, I eventually grew tired and fell asleep to thoughts of having them both at my side.

RAIN

As an adult, I had never had the benefit of asking an outsider or a friend for an opinion. My decisions were always made based on what I thought was best for me, and they landed me without a job, home, money, or family. Even though I wouldn’t consider or describe myself as a fool, I felt pretty comfortable admitting I had made some rather foolish decision in my lifetime. Now, having the luxury of being able to say I had multiple friends in my life, I decided I would lean on one for some much needed advice.

“Turkey, cream cheese, bean sprouts, and raspberry preserves on wheat. See what you think,” I said as I placed the plate on the table in front of Trent.

As I sat down beside him, he glanced down at the plate, slid it to the side, and pushed his wheelchair away from the table.

“What’s on your mind, Rain?” he asked.

I wrinkled my nose slightly as if to throw him off, “Oh, nothing really. Why do you ask?”

He shook his head and began to laugh.

“Well, you’ve been coming here four times a day looking after me for well over a month. Today you seem preoccupied, for one. Additionally, you look like you haven’t slept in a few days, and lastly, your shirt is on backwards. I just figured you had something on your mind, and it was important enough you forfeited last night’s sleep as a result,” he said.

I pushed myself away from the table, stood, and stared down at my shirt.

“Backwards?”

He nodded his head and pointed at me, “It’s hard to tell, because the neck’s so worn, but the little brown stain is normally in the left front, and today it’s in the right rear. So either you’ve worn it backward the other fifteen or so times you’ve worn it, or it’s backward today.”

“Oh. Gothca,” I sighed as I lowered myself into the chair.

He wheeled his chair up to the edge of the table and stared blankly at the sandwich. After a long pause, he turned toward me and smiled.

“So, want to talk?” he asked.

“I tell you what,” I responded, “Eat half the sandwich and we’ll talk.”

“Deal,” he said as he reached for the sandwich.

After he gobbled down half of the sandwich and wiped the corners of his mouth, he slid it to the side and grinned.

“Wow, that’s a mighty fine sandwich,” he said.

“Thank you,” I responded.

“So. Spill it,” he said as he pressed his hands into the edge of the table, “But make it quick, I want to eat that other half before the bread gets stale.”

“Well, eat it now,” I said as I waved my hand toward the sandwich.

“Nope. After you spill your guts,’ he said.

I inhaled, glanced up at the ceiling, and exhaled as I shifted my eyes toward Trent.

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?” I asked.

“Interesting. I’m guessing you don’t mean family or friends. You’re speaking of love interests? Men? Mates?” he asked as he pushed his chair closer to the table and rubbed his hands together.

“Settle down, Trent,” I chuckled, “And to answer your question, yes.”

“I’m as calm as can be. I like this talk already. Let’s see,” he sighed.

I waited for him to continue, anxious to see what he might be able to share with me. Anything, I thought, which might make me feel better, or possibly view the situation in a different light would be worth hearing. After an extended length of silence, and me watching Trent as his brain was churning for the right response, he spoke.

“To think for one minute the human mind or the human heart has the ability to love multiple family members, and not have the capacity to feel love for multiple people, in my opinion, is to think foolishly,” he said.

“We love family, friends, animals, thoughts, phrases, places, theories…” he hesitated and shook his head.

“We love none of them any more or less than the other. Love, in my heart, is love. We tell ourselves it’s different when we think we’ve met the one. Nonetheless, it’s simply love, and we reserve hope by telling ourselves the love is special or more abundant than our previous or current loves. Me? I say bullshit,” he sighed.

“Rain, we often act on what we think. In doing so, we inevitably make mistakes. Acting on what we feel, however, leaves no room for mistakes because feelings are the one thing our mind possesses which will always be genuine. Although our actions may lead us to feel regret, to regret possessing a feeling is to be sorry for having felt emotion. In my opinion, nothing could be more foolish,” he paused and shook his head slightly.

“Now, if I may ask, do you feel love for these two men you speak of?” he asked as he raised his hand to his face.

I nodded my head as I considered what he had said.

“Well, if we can agree your feelings are genuine, and I suspect you’ll agree they are,” he hesitated and lowered his hand slightly.

I nodded my head, “I do, I agree, it’s genuine.”

“Very well. Now, I suspect you’re either trying to decide which one deserves your love, or which man you love more,” he said as he lowered his hand into his lap.

I shrugged my shoulders and raised my eyebrows slightly, wondering what it was exactly I was trying to do.

“I suppose so, I don’t really know,” I said.

He rested his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together, “Okay let’s try a different angle. If you were able to choose, let’s say to paint a picture only you were able to see, what would that picture include?”

“Paint a picture about them and what I feel. Like choose a future?” I asked.

He nodded his head as his mouth formed a smile, “Yes.”

It didn’t take much thought. After a short pause to make him think I was considering my response, I responded with what I had previously decided I wanted.

“To have them both,” I said sheepishly.

“Without each of them having knowledge of the other?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“No, together. The three of us,” I responded.

“I love it,” he exclaimed as he clapped his hands together.

I sat up in my seat and smiled.

“Really?” I asked excitedly.

“Absolutely,” he said as he raised both hands to his face, “Unconventional, but oh so lovely. To have something like that and have it work out would be to truly succeed at living life. Without a doubt, it would take three people who loved each other. Independently, and I would imagine, together. Yes, I think this could work in the most capable of hands.”

“I’m very capable,” I said.

“I have no doubts regarding your capacities, dear. The men, on the other hand, are my concern,” he said as he reached for the sandwich.

I rubbed my temples with my hands and stared mindlessly at the wall.

“What are you thinking?” he asked as he bit into the corner of the sandwich.

I tilted my head in his direction, lowered my hands into my lap, and sighed.

“I love them both. I think I’m going to tell them and see what they say,” I responded.

“My advice is this. Tread lightly and proceed with a willingness to listen, speak, and listen a lot more,” he said as he took another bite of the sandwich.

“Okay,” I breathed.

“I’ll say this,” he said as he finished his sandwich.

“If you care for them as well as you care for me, this just might work.”

“Thank you,” I said as I stood.

I walked around the table, leaned over, and kissed his cheek.

“Now go,” he said as he reached up and hugged me, “Tell them how you feel. And remember, use patience and listen more than you speak.”

The thought of telling Ethan and Cade how I felt excited me and made me feel ill at the same time. To have them both in my life, in any respect or manner, would make me feel as if I was the richest girl in the world. To lose either of them or potentially lose them both would make being homeless seem like a blessing.

“Okay,” I responded, “Do you need anything else before I go?”

He shook his head, “You’ve given me all I need for the day, Rain.”

“You don’t need me to come back tonight?” I asked.

“I need you to get some sleep,” he responded.

“Trent,” I said as I walked to the door.

“Yes,” he responded.

Extremely tired from my lack of sleep, I hesitated, trying to think of a way to thank him for what he had done. I felt so much better after hearing what he had to say, but I felt I needed some time to digest it all. Having Trent in my life was a blessing in itself. As I stood and contemplated what to say, he broke the silence.

“I love you, too, Rain,” he said.

Holy cow.

I turned to face him, opened my mouth, and was unable to speak. Slowly filling with emotion from his unsolicited expression of love, I realized he was the first person in as long as I could remember who had made such a statement. The best part about it all was that I knew he meant what he said with all of his heart. My mouthy still agape, I knew speaking was out of the question.

Instead, I raised my hand to my face and blew him a kiss.

I love you too.

CADE

The day was filled with promise. The sun hung high in the sky as I drove home from the shops at Bradley Fair. An early release from my office was always well received, and today I felt it was not only deserved, but timed perfectly.

I glared at the strangely threatening old man in the Volvo station wagon beside me at the stop light as if there was something I could do to intimidate him. His face, covered in sun spots and a few days growth of gray beard may have seemed harmless to most observers, but to me something about him seemed evil. I wiggled in my seat nervously as I waited for the light to change, hoping he didn’t get out of his car and make a scene. I grinned and pressed the gas pedal to the floor as the light switched to green, knowing his two decade old Volvo was no match for my new BMW.

Haha, asshole, I win.

My level of excitement was elevated and my heart was full of love. Rain had quickly not only become the object of my desire, but my only desire. Nothing at this point mattered more. I felt as if I could be happy with her anywhere. If I were to become jobless and homeless I would be happy if I had her in my arms and against my chest. She provided me a sense of accomplishment and feelings of worth I had never felt, and I knew in her absence I would return to the insecure sissy I had lived my life as before I met her.

I had rehearsed what I wanted to say for days, and even doing it in front of the mirror made me feel uneasy. After an evening prayer and a morning hug when I went to work, I gained confidence, and felt all would eventually be okay. As a result, my day proceeded to be splendid. As I pulled into the covered parking, I was unable to contain my grin for what I suspected would possibly be the best day of my life.

I grasped the bags and walked to the elevator, singing Don’t You Want Me by The Human League under my breath as I proudly took each step. My mood brightened even more as the elevator door opened and I realized I was able to ride up alone. Not much at all bothered me much more than uninvited guests in my elevator.

I timed my arrival the best I could to escape Rain and Ethan. In time, they would both find out my day’s adventure and my plan, but until it was time, I found it best to keep everything a secret. Surprises are always more fun when they’re a surprise.

Nervously, I quickly glanced around the hallway as the elevator door opened, making certain the coast was clear. As the comfort of solitude filled me, I skipped down the corridor and to the doorway of our loft. A quick key in the lock and a twist of the handle, and I was at my final destination, safe and secure.

Full of passion, I ran to my room and released the bags onto my bed. After separating the items carefully into piles, I grinned at the thought of it all. My overbearing mother and her OCD sister would be proud of me when the time came, and it was coming like a speeding freight train.

I rolled up my sleeves and collapsed onto the bed on my back, second guessing exactly what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. As the door opened and I heard Rain walk in, my face immediately went red, and I felt flush. I sat up and peered through the door.

There she is, Miss America…

“Hi.”

“Oh, wow. I didn’t expect you to be home.”

“I got off early. We won the proposal.”

“That’s exciting. I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you. I got a huge bonus.”

“That’s exciting too. Well, you earned it.”

“I like to think so.”

I turned into the room and excitedly gathered the boxes. As I walked into the living room, Rain’s eyes expressed the surprise I had hoped for. She knew the items were for her, and seeing her face alone was worth it all. One of the boxes was wrapped, and the others were nothing more than ornate gift boxes.

“I don’t want to hear complaints, well unless something’s not suitable or the right size. I think I did well. I’m going to sit here and watch, and you stay there until you’re done, okay?”

“You didn’t…”

“I did.”

“Do we agree?”

“Okay, I guess so.”

I placed the boxes in front of her and sat down on the opposite couch and crossed my legs in wait.

“Here, just open them one at a time.”

“They’re all for me?”

“Yes they are. Open them.”

Boxes stacked six high in front of her, she stared down at them, covered her mouth, and after a long pause, pulled the top from the first box in the stack.

“Oh my God. A dress.”

“It’s orange. Your favorite color.”

“I love it. It’s beautiful.”

She stood, holding the dress in front of her. Her eyes glistened as she grinned from ear to ear. After setting the box aside and laying the dress beside her on the couch, she opened the lid to the second box.

“A pair of summer shorts with holes already in them. They’re so cute.”

“Do you like them?”

“No, I love them.”

She lifted the third box. As she did, wonder washed over her face. Her eyes narrowed as she studied me for a moment. After lifting the lid from the box, she rifled through the paper and removed the certificate. As she lifted the paper and began to read, I eagerly rubbed my sweaty hands against the thighs of my jeans.

“A complete make-over? Are you serious? Cade, it says a haircut, color, nails, massage, and a facial. Oh my God.”

As she stood from the couch, she began to cry.

“No. No. Please. Don’t cry…”

“I just…I can’t…Cade, this is too much…”

“There’s nothing I can give you that will ever be enough. Please, continue.”

I stood from my seat and approached her with open arms. As I held her in my arms, the soft crying finally withered into a few short unscheduled breaths. After a few moments, she kissed me, released me, and sat down. I returned to my seat and waited for what little remained. After carefully folding the certificate and placing it beside her on the couch, she reached for the fourth box. After shaking it and grinning like a child at Christmas, she tore through the paper and lifted the lid.

“A new pair of shoes! I knew it from the size and the way it rattled.”

“Just like your others. But no holes or stains.”

“Holy cow. This is crazy. I need these so bad. Oh wow.”

She quickly removed her shoes and slipped the new shoes onto her feet. After standing, bouncing in place, and taking a lap around the couch, she sat and stared down at the shoes.

“I’m in shoe heaven. This is perfection.”

“Two more. Keep going…”

She opened the fifth box and stared inside. After reaching inside and moving things around, she lifted a pair of the panties and shook her head.

“Much needed underwear and bras. Thank you.”

“I took the liberty of checking the size of your bra while it was hanging to dry, sorry.”

So far, things had gone extremely well. She did nothing to hide her excitement, and seeing it as she opened the boxes was one of the greatest gifts she could ever give me. Rain wasn’t only a special and very unique woman, she had quickly become the most important person in my life, giving me hope for the future, and allowing me to see life well beyond today.  With her in my life, I had only one concern.

Pleasing her at any and all costs.

I clasped my hands together, knowing what the last box contained. To me, it was the most important of them all, hence the placement on the bottom of the stack. It was an object she should be able to enjoy for a lifetime. A simple reminder of when life for us began – a period of time stolen from our lives, captured, and kept forever – carefully tucked away safe from any and all harm.

She lifted the last box. Her face filled with wonder. She shook it.

“Be careful.”

She lowered the box onto her lap and removed the top. After separating the tissue paper, she lifted a smaller box and pried the lid open. Carefully, she reached into to the box and removed the locket, holding it close to her face.

“Open it.”

“It’s precious.”

I nodded my head. Although it needed no explanation, I felt compelled to do so.

“The three of us.”

She gazed down at the locket for a long moment.

“It was the day we met. I had it enhanced, reduced in size, and antiqued. The two loves of my life.”

She glanced up from studying the locket and began to cry. I stood from my seat, walked to the sofa, and sat down beside her. As she continued to stare blankly into her hand at the open locket, the crying continued.

And try as I might, I could do nothing to comfort her.