Текст книги "Doctor Who: Who-ology (Dr Who)"

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THE LIFE AND TIMES OF NICHOLAS COURTNEY

As Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, Nicholas Courtney played one of Doctor Who’s best-loved characters. Over a period of 40 years, he appeared on and off as the most gentlemanly of gentleman soldiers, never quite taking retirement – either on or off screen. Here is the Who-ology timeline of the actor’s unique contribution to Doctor Who.

16 December 1929 – William Nicholas Stone Courtney born in Cairo, Egypt

13 November 1965 – first appearance in Doctor Who as Space Security Agent Bret Vyon (The Daleks’ Master Plan)

17 December 1967 – films his first scenes as the then Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart for The Web of Fear, on location near Old Covent Garden in London

17 February 1968 – first full onscreen appearance as Lethbridge-Stewart (The Web of Fear Episode 3)

9 November 1968 – with a promotion to Brigadier, returns to Doctor Who as Lethbridge-Stewart, now heading up the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce – UNIT. A blueprint for the future is set. (The Invasion Episode 2)

3 January 1970 – Doctor Who moves into colour and a new era of Earth-bound adventures commences for the series. Nicholas makes his third appearance as the Brigadier, beginning a run of 40 episodes as a full series regular throughout Season 7 and into Season 8. (Spearhead from Space Episode 1)

19 June 1971 – the Brigadier utters his most famous line as he orders one of his men to tackle an advancing gargoyle: ‘Chap with the wings there, five rounds rapid.’ All in a day’s work for UNIT (The Daemons Episode 5)

20 September 1975 – makes what was to be his final ‘regular’ appearance as the Brigadier (Terror of the Zygons Part 4)

1 February 1983 – Nicholas makes his first appearance in eight years as the now-retired Brigadier, invited back as part of Doctor Who’s 20th-anniversary celebrations, adding Peter Davison to his checklist of Doctors. (Mawdryn Undead Part 1)

25 November 1983 – appears as the just-retired Brigadier in the Doctor Who 20th-anniversary special (The Five Doctors)

23 November 1988 – never one to miss an anniversary, Courtney creeps into the background of a scene set at Windsor Castle for Doctor Who’s 25th birthday as an uncredited extra. (Silver Nemesis Part 1)

6 September 1989 – Nicholas returns to Doctor Who as the Brigadier once more, this time adding Sylvester McCoy to his Time Lord tally. (Battlefield Part 1)

27 November 1993 – joins the cast of a Children in Need special to celebrate Doctor Who’s 30th anniversary – this time appearing with the Sixth Doctor (Dimensions in Time)

1997 – made honorary president of the Doctor Who Appreciation Society (DWAS)

17 April 2001 – Big Finish Productions releases Doctor Who audio adventure Minuet in Hell, starring Courtney alongside Eighth Doctor Paul McGann for the first time.

1 December 2008 – joins Elisabeth Sladen to make a guest appearance as the Brigadier – now a knight of the realm – in two episodes of The Sarah Jane Adventures. It’s the end of an era as the Brig makes his final Doctor Who appearance, 40 years and 10 months after the character’s first appearance in The Web of Fear Episode 3 in February 1968.

22 February 2011 – Nicholas Courtney passes away at the age of 81.

1 October 2011 – the Eleventh Doctor is devastated to be informed that his old friend Alistair has died peacefully. (The Wedding of River Song)

THE MEN FROM UNIT

COMPANION ROLL CALL: THE 1980s

ADRIC

played by MATTHEW WATERHOUSE

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Full Circle Part 1 (1980)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Earthshock Part 4 (1981)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The Caves of Androzani Part 4 (1984)

Former BBC news clerk Matthew Waterhouse made his acting debut in the 1980 TV adaptation of To Serve Them All My Days. A lifelong fan of Doctor Who, Waterhouse even entered a competition in TV Action to design a monster – although his creation didn’t win. A bigger prize came when he secured the role of boy genius Adric. Waterhouse stayed with the show until his dramatic exit in Earthshock, moving on to a career in theatre. In 1998, he moved to Connecticut, USA and has written two novels set in New York.

Adric grew up on the planet Alzarius in E-Space, a pocket universe only accessible via a Charged Vacuum Emboitment (CBE). A mathematical genius, Adric struggled to fit in with the inhabitants of the crashed Starliner and instead joined a gang with his brother, Varsh. When the chance came, Adric stowed away on board the TARDIS, eventually travelling back to the Doctor’s own universe. Awkward and arrogant, Adric proved his mettle when he made the ultimate sacrifice.

And another thing: At 18, Matthew Waterhouse was – and is – the youngest actor to play a Doctor Who companion. Not counting the performers who have played other companions as children, of course!

NYSSA

played by SARAH SUTTON

First regular Doctor Who appearance: The Keeper of Traken Part 1 (1981)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Terminus Part 4 (1983)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: Dimensions in Time Part 2 (1993)

Sarah Sutton’s early stage debut in a West End pantomime led to a number of television appearances including the titular role in 1972’s Alice Through the Looking Glass. However, it was Sutton’s performance as a blind girl in The Moon Stallion by Doctor Who stalwart Brian Hayles that pushed the young actress into the spotlight. Originally hired to play Nyssa for just one story, Sutton so impressed producer John Nathan-Turner that she was invited to stay on as a companion. After Doctor Who, Sutton largely retired from acting to raise her daughter.

The daughter of Traken aristocrat Consul Tremas, Nyssa first met the Doctor as her father was preparing to become the new Keeper, with all the power and privilege that went with the position. Unfortunately, the Master had already arrived on Traken and was manipulating events to secure a new regenerative cycle. Skilled in cybernetics and bioengineering, Nyssa was orphaned when the Master absorbed her father’s body. Prior to the Fourth Doctor’s regeneration, the Trakenite was reunited with the Time Lord on Logopolis, thus saving her from the destruction of Traken itself.

And another thing: Sarah Sutton spent her honeymoon at a San Francisco-based Doctor Who convention.

TEGAN JOVANKA

played by JANET FIELDING

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Logopolis Part 1 (1981)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Resurrection of the Daleks Part 2 (1984)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The Caves of Androzani Part 4 (1984)

After studying at the University of Queensland, Australian-born Janet Fielding came to the UK with a three-month tour of White Man’s Mission. Joining Ken Campbell’s Science Fiction Theatre in Liverpool, Fielding worked alongside Jim Broadbent and Sylvester McCoy and went on to win a small role in Hammer House of Horror in 1980. In the 1990s, Fielding took up an administrative position with Women in Film and Television UK and latterly became a theatrical agent, representing Paul McGann at the time of the 1996 Doctor Who TV movie.

When her car broke down on the way to her first day as an air stewardess, Tegan Jovanka entered the TARDIS thinking it was a real police box. The first to admit that she was a ‘mouth on legs’, outspoken Tegan became increasingly frustrated with the Doctor’s inability to get her back to Earth. When she was accidentally left at Heathrow, Tegan was happy to be reunited with the Doctor in Amsterdam – although the Time Lord himself didn’t seem so keen!

And another thing: Janet Fielding played a villain opposite several hopefuls in the Seventh Doctor screen tests – including Sylvester McCoy.

VISLOR TURLOUGH

played by MARK STRICKSON

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Mawdryn Undead Part 1 (1983)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Planet of Fire Part 4 (1984)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The Caves of Androzani Part 4 (1984)

Following his graduation from RADA, Mark Strickson made his TV debut as ambulance driver, Terry, in Angels. After five episodes, producer Julia Smith offered Strickson a regular part in the medical drama. However, the young actor had another offer on the table – Turlough. After his departure from Doctor Who in 1984, Strickson would go on to appear in episodes of Bergerac, David Copperfield, Casualty and Minder. 1988 saw him emigrating to Australia, where he studied Zoology and went on to produce and direct natural history films. He currently lives in New Zealand with his wife.

While masquerading as a public schoolboy on Earth, Trion exile Turlough was offered a chance to escape by the Black Guardian – all he had to do was kill the Doctor. Following the Guardian’s defeat, Turlough stayed on board the TARDIS, although it would be a while until his true origins were revealed: Turlough had fought in a civil war that had claimed his mother’s life and condemned his father and brother to a life of imprisonment on the inhospitable planet of Sarn.

And another thing: Strickson directed Steve Irwin in The Ten Deadliest Snakes in the World, one of the Crocodile Hunter’s first UK TV appearances.

KAMELION

voiced by GERALD FLOOD

First regular Doctor Who appearance: The King’s Demons Part 1 (1983)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Planet of Fire Part 4 (1984)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The Caves of Androzani Part 4 (1984)

A wartime wireless operator, Gerald Flood escaped from his post-war filing clerk job by joining the Farnham Repertory. In 1960 he won the role of journalist Conway Henderson in Pathfinders in Space. He would return as Henderson in Pathfinders to Mars and Pathfinders to Venus and regularly appeared on television in such series as Man in a Suitcase, Crown Court, Raffles and Return of the Saint. He last appeared in an adaptation of Bleak House, before his death in 1989.

Kamelion was a shape-changing android discovered by the Master on the planet Xeraphas. The weak-willed robot was forced to impersonate King John in order to prevent the Magna Carta from being signed. When the Master’s plot was foiled, Kamelion joined the TARDIS crew, only to come under the control of the Doctor’s former friend once more in 20th-century Lanzarote.

And another thing: Pathfinders in Space was produced by Sydney Newman, co-creator of Doctor Who.

PERPUGILLIAM (PERI) BROWN

played by NICOLA BRYANT

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Planet of Fire Part 1 (1984)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: The Trial of a Time Lord Part 8 (1986)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: Dimensions in Time Part 2 (1993)

Nicola Bryant was spotted by agent Terry Carney during a drama school performance that saw the young actress play an American. When a casting call came through for an American companion for Doctor Who, Carney put Bryant through, under the mistaken impression that she was from the States rather than Surrey. After Doctor Who, Bryant moved straight into a nine-month run in Killing Jessica with Patrick Macnee at the Savoy Theatre and continued to appear on both the stage and television in such shows as The Biz, Holby City, Doctors and My Family.

Following an argument with her stepfather while holidaying in Lanzarote, 18-year-old botany student Peri leapt from his boat and, attempting to swim to shore, nearly drowned. She was rescued by Turlough and taken aboard the TARDIS which almost immediately took off for the planet Sarn. Peri stayed with the Time Lord, although her relationship with the newly regenerated Sixth Doctor was prickly at best.

And another thing: Talent scout Terry Carney was William Hartnell’s son-in-law.

MELANIE (MEL) BUSH

played by BONNIE LANGFORD

First regular Doctor Who appearance: The Trial of a Time Lord Part 9 (1986)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Dragonfire Part 3 (1987)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: Dimensions in Time Part 1 (1993)

After winning Opportunity Knocks at 6 years old, Bonnie Langford made her Broadway debut opposite Angela Lansbury just 12 months later in Gypsy Girl. TV and films followed with Langford appearing in London Weekend Television’s Just William, plus films such as Bugsy Malone and Wombling Free. She won the role of Mel after a long run in Peter Pan, but left Doctor Who the following season, disenchanted with playing ‘Little Miss Sweetie Pie’. Returning to the theatre, Langford played in Charlie Girl, Me and My Girl and Pirates of Penzance in quick succession. Today she still appears regularly on stage and in 2006 skated into third place in ITV’s Dancing on Ice.

Mel’s introduction to the Doctor was unique. On trial for his lives, the Doctor presented an adventure from his future as evidence, thus introducing the universe – and himself – to the bubbly computer programmer from Pease Pottage. The Time Lords then plucked Mel from a later point in her life and reunited her with the Doctor – even though in his eyes they’d yet to meet. When the charges against the Doctor were dropped the older Mel left on board the TARDIS. Confused yet? She was still travelling with him when he underwent his sixth regeneration.

And another thing: Bonnie Langford is the first companion who was born after the start of Doctor Who.

ACE

played by SOPHIE ALDRED

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Dragonfire Part 1 (1987)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Survival Part 3 (1989)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: Dimensions in Time Part 2 (1993)

Sophie Aldred won the role of Ace while appearing in Fiddler on the Roof in Manchester and impressed producer John Nathan-Turner so much that her last scene was hastily rewritten so Ace left with the Doctor. Since the original series’ cancellation in 1989, Aldred has worked extensively in children’s television and radio. 2012 saw the launch of Tree Fu Tom, an animated CBeebies series with Sophie voicing the lead alongside David Tennant as her character’s assistant, Twigs.

A troubled teenager with a natural talent for chemistry, Ace was suspended from school after she blew up class 1C’s prize-winning pottery pig collection with a lump of home-made gelignite. At 16, during an experiment with nitro-glycerine, she was transported to Iceworld by what she thought was a freak time storm. Ace would later discover that it was all the work of an evil cosmic entity by the name of Fenric.

And another thing: Russell T Davies planned to bring Ace back in The Sarah Jane Adventures. She would have been revealed to be a tough but classy businesswoman.

THE SEVENTH DOCTOR’S RULES FOR COMPANIONS

Rule 1: ‘I’m in charge.’

Rule 2: ‘I’m not the Professor, I’m the Doctor.’

Rule 3: ‘Well, I’ll think up the third by the time we get back to Perivale.’

THE SORRY BALLAD OF KAMELION

In November 1981, during the recording of Earthshock, freelance effects designer Richard Gregory, whose company had constructed the Cybermen costumes, told producer John Nathan-Turner about a fully working robot that had been created by Chris Padmore and Mike Power of CP Cybernetics. Originally built as a promotional tool, the ‘android’ could make gestures and deliver dialogue provided by prerecorded cassette. Excited by the concept, Nathan-Turner and script editor Eric Saward visited CP Cybernetics’ workshop. They were greeted by a robot dressed in a swimming costume and rubber cap to disguise the parts that had yet to be finished. On hearing plans to make the robot walk, Nathan-Turner commissioned Terence Dudley to write Kamelion’s debut story, The King’s Demons.

When it came to filming, Kamelion proved to be nothing short of a disaster. Every scene required 15 minutes of extensive programming and even then the robot’s pre-recorded speeches repeatedly went out of sync. It also couldn’t walk. The final straw came when Kamelion’s hydraulic arms jammed beyond repair.

Kamelion officially joined the TARDIS as a companion at the end of The King’s Demons, although he effectively vanished until his departure in Planet of Fire, some six stories later. New scenes with the robot were filmed for The Awakening but hit the cutting-room floor before transmission.

OFF-SCREEN COMPANIONS

As well as his TV assistants, the Doctor has been joined by a whole host of companions in books, comics, audio dramas and stage plays. Here are the most significant.

COMPANION ROLL CALL: THE 1990s

DR GRACE HOLLOWAY

played by DAPHNE ASHBROOK

Doctor Who appearance: Doctor Who (1996)

A familiar face on US television, Long Beach-born actress Daphne Ashbrook scored two firsts in Doctor Who. Not only was she the first and – to date – only American to be cast as a companion, she was also the first to lock lips with the Doctor. Prior to the 1996 TV movie, she appeared in many classic cult television shows including The A-Team, The Fall Guy, Falcon Crest and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. In 2012, she joined the cast of Hollywood Heights, a new teenage drama for Nickelodeon.

Dr Grace Holloway was enjoying a performance of Madame Butterfly when she was called back to Walker General Hospital to operate on the victim of a gangland shooting. Grace resigned after losing her patient, only to discover that the man she’d seen die the previous night had regenerated into the Eighth Doctor. After helping defeat the Master, the Doctor offered to show Grace the universe, but the feisty surgeon refused.

And another thing: If the 1996 TV movie had resulted in a full series, producer Philip David Segal planned to bring Grace back as the ongoing companion.

KISSING COMPANIONS

‘Trust me, it’s this or go to your room and design a new screwdriver. Don’t make my mistakes.’

The Doctor, A Christmas Carol

As a general rule, there’s never any kissing in the TARDIS. Every now and then, however, things happen, and companions lock lips with the Doctor. Here’s the full rundown of amorous allies:

Nyssa (well, on the cheek) – Terminus

Dr Grace Holloway – Doctor Who

Captain Jack Harkness – The Parting of the Ways

Rose Tyler – The Parting of the Ways, New Earth (sort of), Journey’s End (sort of)

Martha Jones – Smith and Jones

Astrid Peth – Voyage of the Damned

Donna Noble – The Unicorn and the Wasp

Lady Christina de Souza – Planet of the Dead

Amy Pond – Flesh and Stone

Rory Williams – Dinosaurs on a Spaceship

Clara Oswin Oswald – The Snowmen

AND THE REST

It isn’t just companions that get to snog the Doctor:

Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, aka Madame de Pompadour, aka Reinette – The Girl in the Fireplace

Jackie Tyler – Army of Ghosts

Joan Redfern – Human Nature / The Family of Blood

Marilyn Monroe (there was lipstick!) – A Christmas Carol

River Song – Day of the Moon, Let’s Kill Hitler, The Wedding of River Song

COMPANION ROLL CALL: THE 2000s

ROSE TYLER

played by BILLIE PIPER

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Rose (2005)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Journey’s End (2008)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The End of Time, Part Two (2010)

Swindon-born Billie Piper joined the Sylvia Young Theatre School at the age of 12. Three years later, after modelling for a poster campaign for Smash Hits magazine, she was signed to Innocent Records and reached number one with her first single, Because We Want To, in 1998. In 2001, Billie retired from music and returned to acting in the BBC’s 2003 retelling of Chaucer’s The Miller’s Tale. Following her departure from Doctor Who, Piper played Hannah Baxter in ITV2’s Secret Diary of a Call Girl and made her stage debut in a tour of Christopher Hampton’s Treats which ended in London’s West End in 2007.

Shop assistant Rose Tyler unwittingly first met the Doctor on 1 January 2005, when she came across the dying Tenth Doctor. Less than three months later, the Ninth Doctor rescued her from Autons hiding in the basement of Henrik’s department store. Accepting the last Time Lord’s invitation to join him, Rose stayed on board the TARDIS until she was trapped in an alternative universe, seemingly for ever. However, when Davros threatened to destroy all of reality, Rose found a way to cross the dimensional divides.

And another thing: Billie Piper’s performance as Rose won her the National Television Award for Most Popular Actress two years running.

ADAM MITCHELL

played by BRUNO LANGLEY

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Dalek (2005)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: The Long Game (2005)

Bruno Langley knew little of Doctor Who before being cast as the Ninth Doctor’s would-be male companion – he even walked straight past the TARDIS set without knowing what it was. The actor’s big break came in the Linda Green comedy series, although he would become better known as Todd Grimshaw, Coronation Street’s first gay character. Following Adam’s expulsion from the TARDIS, Langley appeared in The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse and Dalziel and Pascoe, before making a return to Weatherfield in 2011.

Adam met the Doctor and Rose in Henry van Statten’s secret Vault in Utah. A self-professed genius, Adam had what he considered the best job in the world – cataloguing van Statten’s collection of alien artefacts. After a solitary Dalek killed everyone in the Vault, Rose asked the Doctor if Adam could join them, although his adventures in Time and Space were cut short when he foolishly tried to send information about the future back to the 21st century.

And another thing: Adam had an info-spike computer interface implanted into his head as well as a complementary Vomit-O-Matic nano-termite device.

MICKEY SMITH

played by NOEL CLARKE

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Rose (2005)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Journey’s End (2008)

Last guest Doctor Who appearance: The End of Time, Part Two (2010)

Following appearances in Metrosexuality and Judge John Deed, Noel Clarke won the role of Danny Oldfield in Casualty in 2001. The following year saw him cast at Wyman Norris in an Auf Wiedersehen, Pet revival and in 2003 Clarke walked away with the Laurence Olivier Theatre Award for Most Promising Newcomer for Where Do We Live at the Royal Court. Following his departure from the TARDIS, Clarke made his writing debut with 2006’s Kidulthood, also writing, directing and starring in the film’s 2008 sequel, Adulthood.

Brought up by his grandmother, Mickey Smith had known Rose since they were kids. When she left with the Doctor, Mickey was suspected of her murder, but that was nothing compared to the pain of realising that she was alive but would constantly flit in and out of his life whenever the TARDIS brought her back to Earth. His initial distrust of the Doctor eventually turned to respect and, after alerting the time travellers to strange goings on at Deffry Vale High School, Mickey joined the TARDIS crew. After fighting Cybermen in an alternative reality, Mickey eventually returned home where he married Martha Jones.

And another thing: Mickey is the first non-Caucasian companion in the history of the TV show (although the Doctor’s first black companion was actually Sharon Davies who appeared the Doctor Who Weekly comic strips from 1980 to 1981).

MARTHA JONES

played by FREEMA AGYEMAN

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Smith and Jones (2007)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Journey’s End (2008)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The End of Time, Part Two (2010)

Before Doctor Who, Freema Agyeman had made appearances in The Bill, Casualty @ Holby City and, most notably, as Lola Wise in Crossroads. Martha would go on to appear in Torchwood while Agyeman would become one of the stars of Law and Order UK in 2009 and the Sex and the City prequel The Carrie Diaries in 2013.

Martha Jones was training as a doctor at Royal Hope Hospital when it was transported to the Moon by the Judoon. Attracted to the Doctor from their first meeting, Martha eagerly joined the Time Lord on his travels but soon realised that he would never feel the same way. Exceptionally compassionate and loyal, Martha was repeatedly asked to go the extra mile, watching over him when he became human or travelling the world for a year after the Master conquered the Earth. After leaving the Doctor, Martha was soon recruited to UNIT and finally achieved her doctorate.

And another thing: Freema Agyeman also appeared in the 2008 remake of Terry Nation’s Survivors.

CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS

played by JOHN BARROWMAN

First regular Doctor Who appearance: The Empty Child (2005)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Journey’s End (2008)

Final guest Doctor Who appearance: The End of Time, Part Two (2010)

Born in Scotland, John Barrowman was brought up in the USA, where he studied performing arts in San Diego – training that would bring him back to London and his West End stage debut in the musical Anything Goes. A skilled singer and dancer, Barrowman has played many stage roles, but his casting as Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who in 2005 turned him into an international screen star. As the lead in Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood, the actor has amassed a huge fan following, and has since appeared in TV series on both sides of the Atlantic including Hustle, Desperate Housewives and Arrow, released bestselling albums and books, and presented the Saturday night BBC entertainment show Tonight’s the Night.

Captain Jack Harkness is a conman, rogue and 51st-century Casanova in one. Killed by the Daleks on the Game Station, the former Time Agent was brought back to life by Rose’s Vortex powers, and this left him unable to die. Jack’s adventures throughout time brought him to Cardiff and command of Torchwood, where he continued to defend the Earth.

And another thing: Jack came from the Boeshane Peninsula, where he claims his nickname was ‘the Face of Boe’.

DONNA NOBLE

played by CATHERINE TATE

First Doctor Who appearance: The Runaway Bride (2006)

First regular Doctor Who appearance: Partners in Crime (2008)

Final regular Doctor Who appearance: Journey’s End (2008)

Last guest Doctor Who appearance: The End of Time, Part Two (2010)

Catherine Tate is one of Britain’s foremost character actors, with the award-winning Catherine Tate Show showcasing her talent for character comedy with creations such as the foul-mouthed Nan and schoolgirl Lauren. Following her guest appearance as Donna Noble in the 2006 Doctor Who Christmas special, Catherine was tempted back for a full-time TARDIS residency in 2008. She has since appeared in the film Gulliver’s Travels (2010) and in the American version of The Office.

Donna Noble used to be oblivious to the world around her – she was more excited about a new flavour of crisps than a spaceship hanging over London on Christmas Day. Then she met the Doctor. Long after her first adventure in the TARDIS, Donna finally tracked the Doctor down and they travelled the universe together, encountering Adipose, Pyroviles, Vespiforms and Agatha Christie – but not Noddy. Without Donna, Davros and the Daleks would have destroyed reality itself, but there was a price. If Donna ever remembers her adventures with the Doctor, it will destroy her mind.

And another thing: In 2011, Catherine Tate and David Tennant reunited in the Wyndham’s Theatre’s production of Much Ado About Nothing.

THE TENTH DOCTOR’S RULES FOR COMPANIONS

Rule 1: ‘Don’t wander off.’

HELLO SWEETIE

‘Shall we do diaries, then? Where are we this time?’

River Song, Silence in the Library

We need to talk about River Song, the most timey-wimey of the Doctor’s, erm, friends. She’s not exactly a companion, but her significance in the Doctor’s lives is vast. As time travellers, their shared encounters are experienced out of order, which can make it all a bit confusing – for everybody, including the Doctor. Here, in full, is the timeline of River Song, aka Melody Pond, aka Melody Malone, aka the Doctor’s other half. Well, as far as we can tell at the moment, anyway.

Born as Melody Pond on Demon’s Run, the daughter of Amy and Rory (52nd century – A Good Man Goes to War)

Kidnapped by Madame Kovarian and raised at Graystark Hall Orphanage on Earth by the Silence as a weapon to kill the Doctor (1960s – Day of the Moon)

Shot as a young girl by Amy Pond in a Florida warehouse (1969 – The Impossible Astronaut)

Regenerates for the first time in a back alley in New York City (1970 – Day of the Moon)

Travels to Leadworth and, calling herself Mels, befriends young Amy and Rory so she can grow up with them (1990s–2000s – Let’s Kill Hitler)

Forces the Doctor to take her back to Berlin, 1938, to kill Adolf Hitler (2011 – Let’s Kill Hitler)

Shot by Hitler, Mels regenerates into the woman who will become River Song (1938 – Let’s Kill Hitler)

Attempting to complete the mission she was trained for, River tries to poison the Doctor. Shortly before the Doctor’s death, she uses her remaining regenerations to save him (1938 – Let’s Kill Hitler)

Taken by the Doctor, Amy and Rory to the best hospital in the universe. When she wakes, she finds a police box-shaped diary next to her bed (52nd century – Let’s Kill Hitler)

Enrols to study archaeology at the Luna University, gaining a Doctorate (52nd century – Let’s Kill Hitler)

Madame Kovarian returns, forcing River to complete the task she was trained to do (52nd century – Closing Time)

At Lake Silencio, while wearing the NASA spacesuit, River fails to kill the Doctor (22 April 2011 – The Wedding of River Song)

This leads to all sorts of timey-wimey problems, involving Emperor Churchill, secret agents, the Silence and pyramids (22 April 2011, probably – The Wedding of River Song)

River marries the Doctor – possibly (22 April 2011 – The Wedding of River Song)

The timeline is put right and River kills the Doctor at Lake Silencio (we’ll explain later) (22 April 2011 – The Wedding of River Song)

Imprisoned at the Stormcage facility for killing the best man she’s ever known. The Doctor immediately springs her to go on a date to Calderon, although it doesn’t go to plan as two older versions of herself gate-crash the party – including a River from the future who is about to visit Darillium (52nd century – The Wedding of River Song, First Night, Last Night)

Continually breaks out of prison to have lots of exploits with the Doctor. These (possibly) include a picnic at Asgard, trips to Easter Island and the Bone Meadows, and other adventures involving the dam-building Jim the Fish, a euphonium, a biplane and Marilyn and a transmuted Queen of England (52nd century – various)