Текст книги "Somewhere in Between"

Автор книги: Samatha Harris

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“You too, Gwen. Too bad there isn’t more of it.”

Drew coughed, almost choking on his drink. Calling that a dress would be a serious exaggeration. It was more like strips of black fabric glued randomly to her body. Gwen glared at me and I met her evil eye head on, neither of us wanting to be the first to flinch.

Madeline looked frantically between Gwen and me, searching for a way to defuse the tension. I was tired of Gwen and her bullshit. Everything with her was a competition. She made it her personal goal to ruin my life and my career. I was not going to let her ruin this night. I was done taking her shit. I knew, at the time, how childish I was acting, but all my sense of reason and maturity vanished when that glorified blow-up doll confronted me.

Madeline smiled, spotting something over Gwen’s shoulder. “Ms. Stevens, come. I see your father. Let’s say a quick hello,” Madeline said, reaching for Gwen’s arm and pulling her away as quickly as possible. An evil grin spread wide across Gwen’s lips as her eyes shifted to Drew. She wiggled her fingers at him as Madeline dragged her off.

Drew let out a long breath. “I have to admit, that was kind of hot. I couldn’t tell if you guys were going to fight or make out. Either would have worked for me.”

I punched him in the arm. He rubbed it, pretending to be hurt.

“Well, now you have met Bitchface in all of her surgically enhanced glory.”

Look, there’s nothing wrong with plastic surgery. I have contemplated it myself many times, usually while wearing a bikini, but this girl was a walking disaster. She was like a sarcophagus, a hard, beautifully painted outer layer hiding the shriveled corpse underneath.

Drew put one hand in his pocket, leaned toward me, and whispered, “Your boss is smashed.”

“I know, right?”

***

I was determined to enjoy the rest of my evening and clear all thoughts of Gwen from my mind.

It was turning into such an incredible night. I met the most amazing artists and musicians and spent most of the time gazing at them in wonder and listening to their stories about botched art installations and obsessive symphony groupies. Who knew classical violinists had groupies? I was in heaven!

I fell head over heels for a man named Charlie Peterson. His father played jazz trumpet for the Tommy Dorsey Orchestra when he was a kid. I mean, the man shook Sinatra’s hand!

Drew stuck with me for bit, but I was so in awe, I was hanging on every word of anyone willing to talk to me. So, eventually, he left me to worship and kiss my temple. He smiled and told me he would find me later.

After dinner was over, the band started to play some of my favorite old songs. I was a sucker for jazz classics. I accepted an offer to dance from a man named Chester who played Patrick Dennis in The West End production of Mame. I found my nerd Nirvana.

As Chester whirled me around the floor, I caught Drew’s eye for a moment. He stood at the edge of the floor holding a glass of champagne, talking to an older gentleman and his young wife. He raised a hand in a brief wave, watching me for a moment before returning to his conversation.

When the dance was over, I thanked Chester, who bowed graciously, and made my way to the bar. The bartender set a glass of champagne down in front of me while I swayed to “Isn’t It Romantic?”

“Alex McCabe,” a slow, deep voice said from my right. I turned to see who it was and was captivated by a set of gorgeous gray eyes.

“Peter Russell,” I said as he stepped forward, resting his arm on the bar in front of me.

He raised two fingers to the bartender. “Scotch, neat.”

As the bartender took off to get his drink, Peter turned to me with a sexy half smile.

Peter and I dated briefly in college. He was charming, obviously good-looking, and a fan of sorority girls, which was one of the reasons why we dated briefly. He still had the good looks and charm. Hopefully his tastes in women had changed in the years since graduation.

“You look incredible.” He took a step back, taking me in from head to toe.

“So do you,” I replied with a smile, and damn did he. His light brown hair was clean-cut and had that Clark Gable quality, even if he did use a bit too much product. He had a nice smile and strong features. His broad shoulders filled out his tux nicely and the thin silver tie he wore highlighted his eyes. He definitely knew how to accent his best features, a sure sign that self-esteem was not a problem for him.

“How are you?” I asked. “I heard you moved to London.”

“I just moved back, actually. I was offered a position with Franklin & Burke.”

Franklin & Burke was a prestigious publishing house downtown. Madeline redid their main lobby a few years ago.

“Congratulations,” I said, taking a sip of champagne.

“Thank you.” He eyed me with obvious interest. He had definitely gotten better looking over the years, or maybe it was just the lack of cargo shorts and Abercrombie t-shirts. I didn’t really care, I was enjoying the attention.

“What have you been up to?” He took my elbow and gently steered me away from the bar.

“I’m working for Madeline Grant Interiors.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

I couldn’t tell if he was surprised or impressed. I went with impressed. It was better for my ego.

“Maybe you could help me with something, then.” He took a small step closer and lowered his voice. “I just moved in to this amazing loft. It’s completely bare right now. I haven’t had a chance to do a thing with it. Maybe you can come by and give me some ideas.”

He cocked his head to the side, a slow, sexy grin lighting his face, but all I was thinking about were design concepts for an open floor plan.

He had found my weak spot, a project. I love a project. It’s something I can get lost in. Interior design is my drug. My parents were realtors and, as a kid, one of my favorite things to do was to help them stage homes for sale. I was fascinated by how you could change not only how a room looks, but how it feels with some color and the right furniture placement.

The moment I walked into a space, ideas would flood my head to the point where I would attempt to discreetly rearrange the furniture or hide unpleasant knickknacks. My parents put the kibosh on that one when they caught me taking down the drapes in my grandmother’s dining room during her wake. I couldn’t help it. The room needed more light.

“I would love to!” I said as the excitement bubbled over. He looked pleased.

The music slowed, and the band leader announced the final song of the evening. It was slow and sweet, the soft notes floating gently through the room.

“Would you like to dance?” Peter asked, extending his hand to me. I smiled and let him lead me to the floor. He turned to face me, slipping his left hand to my back and pulling me in close. I placed my hand on his shoulder as we began to sway and twirl around the floor.

Peter pulled me in closer, our faces only inches apart as he led me expertly across the floor. We talked a bit as we danced. It was easy—no frills, no pressure. He seemed great, if not a little pretentious, but I was enjoying myself.

“I’m glad I ran into you tonight.”

“Me too.” I smiled.

“Have dinner with me?” he whispered, leaning close to my ear, his breath tickling my neck. “We can catch up on old times and talk about ideas for my loft.”

“Um…”

I was a little conflicted. The idea of going out with him wasn’t really what had caught my attention. He was nice enough and good-looking, but the man oozed bullshit. I could tell from the way he looked at me and the not-so-subtle way he checked out other women around us that he was just the kind of guy who would tell you anything you wanted to hear just to get you into bed. Although it had been a while for me…

What would be the harm in getting a little bit of attention, the chance to design a downtown loft space from scratch, and get a little something all with no strings attached?

I smiled up at him, resigned. “I’d love to.”

The song ended and Peter took a small step back, giving me a small bow while keeping hold of my hand. “I look forward to it.” He pressed a brief kiss to my knuckles. I had a feeling this guy was more frog than prince.

A hand landed on my shoulder and I turned to see a very pissed off Drew. His normally bright blue eyes were narrow and full of fire, and not in a good way. His lips were set in a hard, straight line and his jaw was tense as he stared Peter down, who still had a hold on my hand.

“Hey,” I said, gesturing to Peter, “look who I found.”

Peter smiled, extending his hand to Drew. “Collins, it’s good to see you.”

“Russell,” Drew grunted, fixing Peter with a sharp glare. He crossed his arms over his broad chest, ignoring Peter’s outstretched hand.

Either the men shared an extreme dislike of one another or this was some sort of intimidation game. Either way I had to break this up, and fast.

Peter turned his attention back to me, luckily sparing me from having to throw myself between the two of them. “Alex, it was lovely to see you.” He stepped forward, softly kissed my cheek, then turned and headed for the exit.

I turned my attention to Drew, who was scowling at Peter’s back as he watched him disappear into the crowd. When he was satisfied that Peter was gone, he finally looked at me “You ready?”

I blinked. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“What was with the testosterone-fueled stare down?” I narrowed my eyes at him and propped my hand on my hip. What the hell had gotten into him?

“Nothing.” Drew shook his head. “I just don’t like the guy.”

Then he turned, heading for the exit. I stood there for a second, a little stunned. I had no idea what was going on. I shook off the shock and followed him out of the door to the waiting car.

***

The ride home was dead silent. Drew just looked out the window, his hand folded beneath his chin, the tension still clear in his jaw. I had no idea what was wrong with him. Had something happened with Peter I didn’t know about? Tonight was a big night for me and no way would Drew go through all of that effort to get me here just to ruin it over something petty, so whatever happened between them had to be big. I was going to get to the bottom of this. Drew obviously wasn’t planning on telling me, so I guess I would just have to get it out of Peter.

The driver dropped us off in front of Drew’s apartment. I was a little miffed at him for ruining what was an amazing night. I crossed my arms across my chest, waiting impatiently for him to come clean or even just say something, anything. Drew just stood there, his head hung low, hands in his pockets.

I sighed and headed across the square, toward home. Fine, if he wanted to end the night in silence, then that was just what he would get. Drew jogged to catch up to me, still looking down at his feet as we walked quietly toward my building.

His sour mood was killing my buzz. I tried to focus on something, anything else, as I glanced around the square. It was late and the square was empty and lit by a few soft lamp posts. It was really beautiful. I looked up. The sky was full of stars peeking through the trees overhead. It was a peaceful setting. Luckily, it did a good job of calming me down.

When we reached our place at the center of the square, Drew stopped. I took a few more steps before I realized he wasn’t following.

“We never got to dance,” he said, his eyes focused on his shoes, his voice so soft I barely heard him.

“What?”

He looked up, meeting my eyes. He took a few steps and slowly closed the gap between us. “Dance with me?” He offered me his hand. His voice was smooth and sure, but his eyes were pleading.

“Here?” I was a little confused. Something was wrong with him. He’d gone from rude to solemn to…I don’t know what, but it was freaking me out. I looked around the square, looking for something to tell me what the joke was. It was like I was being Punk’d and any minute now, Sean would jump out from behind a tree with a video camera, but we were alone and the square was quiet.

I studied him, trying to figure out his end game, but I got nothing, just that same pleading look. “There’s no music,” I pointed out.

Drew smiled and took his phone from his pocket, typing something I couldn’t see. He must have found what he wanted because his smile widened and a small chuckle escaped his throat. With one more tap, the opening bars to “La Vie en Rose” started to play through the tinny speakers. I loved that song. It was, by far, one of the most romantic songs ever made, and it seemed strangely appropriate.

Drew set his phone down on the bench next to us and reached for my waist, pulling me in close. He wrapped his arms around me as I slid my hand up his chest to his shoulder. Slowly, we began to sway. He pressed his hand to my back, pulling me in tighter against him. His fingertips were electric, sparking every nerve in my body to life.

Louis Armstrong warbled in the background and Drew pressed his cheek gently to mine. A small contented sigh escaped my lips and I closed my eyes, feeling the slight roughness of his cheek and the warmth of his hands.

We danced and swayed as Drew slowly led me around the square, our bodies in total sync with one another. It was too easy to get lost in the moment. Being in his arms and dancing underneath the stars in a place that was just ours seemed to overtake all of my senses. The square blurred around me and all I could feel was the soft touch of his fingers as they grazed my back’s naked skin, the warmth of his breath against the side of my neck.

My body relaxed into him, my lips parted, and my heart pounded as he began to softly sing the lyrics in my ear, asking me to give him my heart and soul.

The way I was reacting to him was not normal. The softest touch from him had my body screaming for more. I clung to his shoulder, feeling weightless and lightheaded, grounded only by the soft whisper of his voice in my ear.

The song sped up and he spun me, taking larger and larger steps, dancing me around the square. When the trumpet reached the highest point, he dipped me, my head dropping back. I laughed and he brought me back to my feet as the song ended.

He pressed his forehead to mine, still holding on to my waist, both of us smiling like fools. I looked up into those mesmerizing blue eyes and something sparked inside me. I felt it catch and ignite as he stared down at me. The intensity in his eyes made me swallow hard.

What the hell was going on? Then reality set in. Oh my God, what am I doing? He had to be drunk. It was the only way to explain the way he was looking at me. The look on my face must have sobered him up because he cleared his throat and took a step back. My body instantly chilled from the loss of contact, forcing me to wrap my arms around myself.

Drew reached down and picked up his phone from the bench, putting it back into his pocket. He looked up at me with a small smile and we turned, heading the last few yards to my building.

When we reached my door, he leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Good night, Alex.”

“Good night,” I whispered, turning the lock and pushing open my door. I stepped in and closed the door behind me, pressing my back hard against it.

“Damn you, Wiley.” I dropped my head to the door and looked up at the ceiling. A tear slipped down my cheek as I closed my eyes. Damn her, she was right.

Chapter 9

 

 

Drew (Then)

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, I was a little restless, so I headed to the kitchen. I grabbed a slice of pizza from the fridge and leaned against the counter as I ate. I took a bite of the cold slice, gazing out the small window above the sink. Red was sitting on the tire swing, pushing at the dirt with the toe of her shoe.

I stepped outside. The grass was cold and soft under my bare feet. “What are you doing out here, Red?”

She sniffled quickly, wiping at her tearstained cheeks. “Nothing.” She jumped to her feet and started for the deck.

I reached out and wrapped my hand gently around her arm. “Whoa. Red, what’s wrong?”

She stopped and turned on me. Anger and sadness were clear in her eyes, causing a lump to form in my throat. She looked down at her feet, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Why didn’t you tell me about your mom?”

I didn’t want to get into this right now. I probably should have warned her after everything she went through last year, but what Mom was going through was not the same as what happened to her parents. Besides, I refused to believe that I was losing my mom. She was tough. She would make it through.

I sighed, releasing her arm and running a hand through my hair. “I didn’t want to upset you.” Her eyes widened, but she said nothing. “With everything that happened to you last year…” I trailed off, afraid I was just digging myself a hole.

“You thought I couldn’t handle it.” She nodded, her lips tight as she turned to head back into the house.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t handle it. I just didn’t want to add to everything you are dealing with,” I said, reaching for her again.

She whirled around to face me. The hurt and anger on her face forced me to take a step back. “Why did you bring me here?” Tears streaked her cheeks, but her voice was hard.

As I looked at her, the anger built inside me. Was she really pissed at me for trying to protect her? “I thought you could use a little fun. I thought it might be nice for you to be a part of something again.”

She stared at me, a look of disgust distorting her face. Her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms protectively across her chest. “Do you think I’m weak?”

“What? No!” I stammered. I couldn’t believe her. I was trying to be a friend to her, and she was throwing that shit at me. I was beyond frustrated. “I don’t know what else to do with you, Red! I know we didn’t have the best start, but I have been there for you every day and you still don’t seem to trust me.”

“Trust you. Why should I trust you? I know how you are with women, Drew. Everything you do is to get laid. How do I know you aren’t just going for another notch in your bed post?”

I took a step toward her so we were almost nose to nose. I ground my teeth. My jaw was clenched so tight it hurt. “Where the fuck is this coming from? Jesus, Red, are you really that scared of letting me get close to you? I’m not even trying to fuck you. I just want to be your friend. God help the poor bastard who tries to get in your pants.”

Her green eyes were bright and filling quickly with tears. I knew I went too far. I let my features relax and softened my voice, running my hands down her arms. “Look, I like you, but if this friendship is gonna work, you need to get on board. If you can’t do that, then tell me now. Contrary to what you may believe about me, I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

She looked down at her feet. “I know.”

When she looked back up at me, the tears were streaming down that beautiful face again. My heart clenched in my chest. This girl was going to be the death of me. I cupped her cheeks with my hands and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I’m just…” she started. “I don’t know how to do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Let someone in.” She sniffled. “What if something happens?”

Something clicked. She had lost everyone she has ever cared about. She was terrified that if she let herself get close to me or to anyone, that it could happen again and that she would end up alone.

I pulled her tight against my chest, kissing the top of her head. “I’m right here, Red,” I whispered into her hair.

“For now.” She took a step back, looking down at her hands.

I reached out and tilted her chin up to look in her eyes. “Listen to me. I can’t guarantee the future, but you can’t go through life on your own afraid to get close to anyone. I care about you, okay? All you have to do is let me.”

I could see her searching my face for even an ounce of bullshit. When she couldn’t find anything, she took a deep breath and nodded.

“So, can you stop making me work so damn hard?” She chuckled and nodded her head. I dropped my arm around her shoulders pulled her in against my side. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” She nodded and I led her back into the house.

I said good night to Red and headed back to my room, but I couldn’t get to sleep. I just kept staring up at the ceiling, listening to Sean snore from the air mattress on the floor.

What I said was true. I do care about her. She lets me be myself. She was the first girl I have ever been around who I could talk to, I mean really talk to.

Red was so different from all the other girls on campus. She called me on my shit from the first moment I met her. She made me laugh. She stood up for Sean. I really valued her as a friend. She meant more to me than I cared to admit. She was quickly becoming one of my best friends, but fuck she was beautiful. I was still dangerously attracted to her. Sometimes it was difficult to be around her, but I couldn’t stay away. I was a complete fucking mess.

I rolled over, pulling the pillow over my head, trying not to think about those big green eyes, those full lips. Shit! I was in way over my head.

***

The next morning I headed into the kitchen for some coffee. I desperately needed the caffeine after only managing to get a few hours of sleep last night. David sat at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal.

“You do know you don’t live here anymore, right?”

He shrugged. “Neither do you.”

“Yeah, but my place isn’t three miles away.”

“Pop needed me to check something in the books for the bar.” He took another bite of his cereal and gestured to the laptop beside him.

“Is everything okay?” With everything that was going on with Mom, the last thing we needed was the bar to be losing money.

“Yeah, it’s fine. He couldn’t get the accounts to balance. He was reading the numbers wrong. Man is blind as a bat and refuses to wear his glasses.”

I chuckled and nodded, pouring myself a cup of coffee. I took a seat across from him and took a sip of the much needed caffeine, savoring the sweet hum making its way through my veins.

“So, what’s up with you and Alex?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively.

“It’s not like that, asshole. We’re just friends”

“I didn’t think you could be just friends with a girl.” He chuckled. “Especially a hot one.”

“Dude, shut up!” I plucked a stray Cheerio from the table in front of me and chucked it at him. “There is nothing going on.”

David sat back in his chair, holding his hands up in defense. “Okay. It’s just weird, considering you got more tail freshman year than half my fraternity brothers.”

“More than half.”

David chuckled and nodded his head.

“Hey, do you remember a guy named Peter? He was a pledge that year,” I asked. I figured the easiest way to check the guy out was to talk to some of his fraternity brothers, and my brother was a good place to start.

“Peter Russell?”

“Yeah, I think that’s the guy.”

“A little. He was a bit of a dog, but then again, so are you.” He gave me a pointed look. “Why?”

“Red met him at a party a while ago and he asked her out. Just wanted to make sure I won’t have to hunt him down later.”

“Jealous?” David took a sip of coffee, an amused expression on his face.

“No, dickweed! I’m not jealous. I’m just looking out for her.”

“Well, I’ll call Frankie. See what he knows.”

“Thanks, man.”

Just then, Red came in. “Good morning,” she said. She picked up a cup from the counter and poured herself some coffee.

“Good morning,” David and I chorused.

David looked up at me, shaking his head. I narrowed my eyes at the smug smile that spread across his face. I loved my brother, but sometimes he could be a real dick.

***

Later on, I took Red to The Den for lunch. When we walked in, the place was pretty empty, so we just grabbed a table in the back, nodding to Papa Jack as we took a seat.

The Den was just as much my home as the house I grew up in. I was excited and a little nervous to show it to Red. The Den was basically a dive bar, just cleaner. The décor ranged from old boxing posters to blinking neon signs advertising beer companies that no longer existed. I found comfort in the sounds of old men screaming at the TV behind the bar and the old pinball machine that would light up and ring at random from the back. This place was a part of me as much as my family and I wanted to share it with her.

“So, this is it, huh?” She looked around at the faded wood paneling along the wall and the warped mirror behind the bar.

“Yep.” I smiled as I watched her relax. I liked seeing her here. She fit nicely into my world.

Red picked up the menu in front of her. “What’s good?”

I plucked the menu out of her hands. “You’ve got to get the fish and chips. They are hands down the best in the city.”

“In your biased opinion.” She smirked.

“You’ll see. Want a beer?” I signaled Pop, who responded with a nod of his head.

“Yeah, thanks.”

We fell into a comfortable silence as we waited for our food. I was just enjoying being around her, but then she started picking at her fingers. In the short time I had known Red, I’d come to realize her tells, and this one screamed that she was nervous about something. I waited, quietly sipping my beer while she worked through whatever she was nervous about telling me.

“I’m sorry,” she said, eyes still focused on her hands.

“For what?”

She peeked up at me through her long lashes. “Last night. I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”

I shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

“No, you were right. You’ve been really good to me, and I know you aren’t just trying to sleep with me. I just…” She took a deep breath. “I just forgot what it felt like.”

“What it felt like?”

“To be a family.” She looked up, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and my chest tightened. I wanted more than anything to take away the sadness and the pain I saw reflected in her eyes. I wanted to spend my life making sure she never looked at me that way again.

I reached across the table and covered her hands with mine. “Well, I won’t let you forget again. I’m here for you, and I won’t let you forget it.”

Papa Jack came over and set the food down on the table with another round of beers. Red eyed the greasy basket in front of her with a suspicious look on her face. She picked up a piece of fish, inspecting it before cautiously taking a small bite. I watched as she closed her eyes and let out a soft moan. Goddamn that sound was hot. I couldn’t stop thinking of different ways I could get her to make that sound again.

“This is really good,” she mumbled, her mouth still full of fish.

“See, Red? Good things happen when you learn to trust.” I shot her a wink. She just tossed a French fry at me.

***

After lunch we took a walk around the neighborhood. The Den was near Madison Square, my favorite part of the city. I planned to move over here after graduation. Well, depending on the job situation. The square always seemed so full of life, and it was just the place I wanted to be.

We checked out some of the galleries and shops, stopping in this little bakery called Down the Street that had the best coffee. We spent the rest of the afternoon just exploring the area, talking and laughing. It was nice.

We settled on a bench in the center of the square, sipping our coffee and watching the people around us. The shade from the trees helped to cool the air, letting in just enough sunlight to keep the place bright and happy. A breeze carried a hint of her shampoo toward me and my jaw tensed. She had this way of testing my limits without even realizing it.

“I love it here,” she said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I took a deep breath and looked around. “It’s nice, right?”

“It’s perfect.”

Somewhere behind us, someone was playing saxophone. I looked at Red and couldn’t help but smile. Her eyes were closed as she swayed and hummed along quietly to the music. I recognized the song, but couldn’t place it. “You know this song?”

“La Vie en Rose.” She sighed. “One of my favorites.”

“It’s nice.” I rested my arm along the back of the bench. I sat there, getting swept up in the sound of her voice as she hummed the notes while I twirled a piece of her silky hair around my finger.

I was so lost in the easy stillness that I jumped when she sat up straight and suddenly turned to me. “We should live here.”

My brows pulled together. I wasn’t quite sure where she was going with this.

“I’m serious. After graduation, I could get a job with a local design firm, you could do whatever you want, work for someone or freelance. We could get apartments here and just be a part of this.”

“That is a serious commitment, Red. I don’t know if I’m quite ready for that just yet. I mean, we’ve only known each other a few weeks,” I said, the sarcasm clear in my voice. The idea sounded more than appealing to me. Hell, I didn’t care where I was as long as Red would still be a part of my life.

She playfully swatted at my arm. “Shut up.” She giggled. “You could live there,” She pointed toward a building to my left. “I can live over there,” she pointed to a building on the right, “and we can meet here in the middle. It is a perfect set up.” Her face lit up with possibilities and I couldn’t help but smile.

I looked at the buildings she pointed to and then around the park before meeting her eyes. She had this look of determination in her eyes, like this is where she was meant to start her life and she wanted me along for the ride. I sat up straight and held my hand out to her.

“You got a deal, Red.”

She shook my outstretched hand, beaming at me. I raised my arm from the back of the bench and wrapped it around her, pulling her to my side. “I told you we would be good for each other.” I kissed the top of her head as she giggled and snuggled into my side.

I was happy that she was open to us being friends, but a part of me felt like that wasn’t enough. My feelings for this girl were moving way past friendship, and that was something I was not ready to deal with.