Текст книги "Somewhere in Between"

Автор книги: Samatha Harris

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

I threw myself into work. It seemed to be all I had left. Everything connected to Drew. He was everywhere. When I went home, he surrounded me. It wasn’t just in the pictures and the gifts or the things he’d left, but my memories of him took over and everything became a part of him. I couldn’t escape. My apartment once was my sanctuary and now it was like a cage surrounding me with all things Drew.

Later that night, my phone rang, waking me from a dead sleep. I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I tried to stop the infernal ringing. I glanced at the clock. Who was calling me at one forty-five in the morning? I picked up my phone. It was Millie.

“Hey, Millie,” I said, my voice thick with sleep.

“Alex, you need to come.”

“What? Where?” The concern in her voice had me in a panic. Something was wrong.

“It’s Papa Jack,” she said. “He had a heart attack.”

Chapter 23

 

 

Drew (Then)

I ran into the lobby of the emergency room and headed straight to the triage desk with Red following close behind me. I slammed my body into the desk, trying to catch my breath. “Excuse me. My mother Emma Collins was just brought in.”

The nurse behind the desk typed something into her computer, completely unphased by dramatic entrance. “The doctor is in with her now. You need to have a seat and someone will be out to talk to you.”

“Is she okay?” I asked, frustrated that she was not telling me more. I needed them to tell me she was going to be okay.

“Sir, the doctor will be out to talk to you soon,” she said, her voice becoming more firm.

“Drew.” Red pulled on my arm. “Come on, Drew. Let’s sit down. Papa Jack is with her.”

I let her pull me to a couch in the waiting area. I dropped my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. Red took a seat next to me and rubbed my back. I was losing my mind. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Mom was still undergoing treatment. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We were supposed to have more time.

The doors behind the triage desk opened and we got to our feet as Papa Jack came out. He looked pale and terrified. He walked up to us and I searched his face for some kind of sign that she was okay. He was not looking like it was good news.

“What is it, Pop?” I asked, afraid of what his answer could be.

“The doctor said…” he said as tears welled in his eyes. “He said it’s her heart. The chemo and radiation have done some severe damage to her body and her heart just can’t take it.”

Red gasped. She covered her mouth and sank down to the couch. I heard the words he was saying, but I couldn’t process them. Her heart?

“So, what happens now?”

Papa Jack put a hand on my shoulder. “She’s awake, and they are doing everything they can to make her comfortable. Right now, we have to…” His voice cracked. My father, the strongest man I knew, was moments from breaking down. Things were really bad. He took a deep breath. “We have to call David and Millie. In a little while, we can go in together and say good…goodbye.”

“Goodbye? No! She was fine. She…She was fine. We were just dancing. We were just…and I promised…I can’t.” I just broke, and my burly bear of a father pulled me to his chest, hugging me tight.

“It’s okay, son.”

“We were supposed to have more time,” I said, gripping the collar of his shirt in my hands as the pain clawed its way up my throat. “I need more time.”

“I know,” he said, his own tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I can call David for you,” Red said, her voice soft and thick with tears.

We looked at her. Her cheeks were wet and her bright eyes shined with tears.

“Thanks, Alex,” Papa Jack said, “but I think I better call. You stay here with Drew.”

He gave her a sad smile and pulled his cell phone from his pocket, walking through the automatic doors to the sidewalk outside.

“I’m so sorry.” Red pulled me into a hug and I clung to her as what Papa Jack said about saying goodbye finally started to sink in.

My head was spinning. How did everything change so quickly? It was only hours ago that Mom and I were dancing at David’s wedding. She was calling me out on how I felt about Red. She was smiling at me and dancing with Papa Jack. Now she was dying in a hospital room. I didn’t understand. She was fine. She was fine and then she wasn’t.

The three of us sat in the waiting room, just staring straight ahead, not speaking. We waited for them to tell us we could go back to see her, waited to say goodbye.

Red threaded her fingers through mine and I took comfort in the fact that she was there. I needed her there. She was the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart. I squeezed her fingers and met her eyes.

“Don’t let go,” I whispered. She just nodded and squeezed my hand.

David and Millie ran through the doors a few minutes later and we all embraced. I felt bad that their wedding day had to end like this, but I was thankful that at least Mom got to be there. I knew she wouldn’t have wanted to miss David and Millie starting their lives together.

My chest tightened when I thought about everything she would miss: grandchildren, me finally settling down, my college graduation…

I was a selfish bastard. My mom was dying in a hospital room and I was thinking about what she will miss in my life.

Eventually, the doctor came out and told us that we could head back to see her. We all headed toward the door and the nurse at the desk looked at Red and held up her hand. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Family only.”

Red stopped in her tracks. I faced the nurse, pulling Red closely to my side. “She is family.” The nurse looked over my shoulder to the doctor, who nodded and led us back to Mom’s room.

We took our turns saying goodbye. David and Millie went in first. When they were done, Papa Jack went in. I watched as he leaned down to kiss her and had to turn away. It was one thing for me to be losing my mother, but Papa Jack was losing his wife, the woman he spent the majority of his life with, the mother of his children. I couldn’t begin to understand how hard it must be for him to say goodbye to the only woman he has ever loved.

When Papa Jack came out, he nodded to me, letting me know that it was my turn to go in. Red was right by my side, still holding on to my hand. She kept her word and hadn’t let go, but now she started to pull away. I turned to face her, tightening my grip. “Come with me?”

“Drew, I…”

I stopped her. “I need you, Red,” I said, cupping my hand to her cheek. She looked up at me, unsure of what to do. She looked over my shoulder to Papa Jack, who just nodded. She tightened her grip on my hand and let me pull her into the room with me.

The room was quiet. The only sound was a soft beep from the heart monitor. I walked around the bed and Mom opened her eyes to look up at me. She looked so small. Tubes were running under her nose and from her arms. I hated to see her like this. My mother was tough as nails. She could handle anything life threw at her. She battled the hell out of the cancer, but it won in the end.

I stepped up to the bed, taking her hand. It was ice cold to the touch.

“Hey,” she said, her voice breathy and soft.

“Hey, yourself.”

“How do I look?”

“I’m not going to lie, Mom. You’ve looked better.” I smiled and wiped a tear from my eye.

She smiled at me. “Smartass,” she whispered.

“Pop taught me well.”

She nodded her head and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she focused on Red before looking back to me. “Remember your promise?”

“I will, Mom.”

“Take care of each other.”

Neither Red nor I could talk as the tears caught in our throats. We nodded. I lifted Red’s hand, which was still clasped in mine, and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

I took a deep breath. “I love you, Mom,” I choked out.

“I love you,” she breathed.

I waved for everyone to come in and we all sat around her, holding her hand as the monitors fell silent.

***

By the time Red and I got back to the house, the sun was coming up. We hadn’t said a word to each other. Walking into the empty house seemed surreal, like this was all just a bad dream and when I woke up, Mom would be at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and playing Sudoku.

In my old room, I sat down on the bed, running my hand across my face. I felt raw. Red sat down next to me.

“What can I do?” she asked.

“Stay with me?”

She shook her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Even with everything that I had been through that night, the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her, but I couldn’t ruin what we had because I wanted to feel better. I would keep my promise to Mom, but I would do it the right way.

I leaned my forehead against hers and reached for her hand. “We should get some sleep.”

Red pulled back and nodded, pulling back the covers and climbing in beside me. I opened my arms and whispered, “Come here.”

She fit herself seamlessly into my arms and rested her head on my chest. We stayed like that and I fell asleep to the smell of her shampoo.

Chapter 24

 

 

Alex (Now)

I stumbled into the waiting room of the hospital. Millie and Sean were seated in the back, their heads down. David was talking to a doctor wearing scrubs with a face mask hanging around his neck.

“How is he?” I asked, out of breath from running.

Everyone looked up and Millie looked slightly relieved. “He is out of surgery. They said it went well, but they are waiting for him to wake up before we know for sure. Drew is in with him now,” Sean said.

“Good.” I nodded as I sank down to the hard vinyl couch. “Good.”

The last time we were all in this waiting room together, there was no good news. I was trying to stay positive. Papa Jack would be fine. He was too hardheaded to die on us. He was going to be fine.

“Alex,” David said, the apprehension clear in his voice. I raised my eyes to look at him. “I was just about to go relieve Drew.”

I got to my feet. “Okay. I will head down to the cafeteria. Just call me when you hear something.”

I turned to head out, but David grabbed my arm. “You really should stay. Alex, he needs you.”

“I…”

I was still so hurt and angry. I wasn’t ready to see him or talk to him. I came for Papa Jack. David looked at me, pleading for me to stay. I glanced at Millie and Sean, who were wearing the same pleading look.

This was going to kill me, but I had to stay. Drew hurt me, but he was my family. As much as I wanted to just turn it off, to stop how much I loved him, it didn’t work that way. I didn’t leave him when his Mom died and I couldn’t leave him when his Dad was sick. If he needed me, then I would be there for him no matter how much it hurt. He would do it for me.

I nodded and David gave me a small smile. Then he turned and disappeared down the hall. I took a deep breath, trying to brace myself for the pain of seeing him again.

“Red?”

I flinched at the sound of his voice. Drew took a few quick steps toward me, then stopped a few feet away, like he was afraid I would spook. He slowly closed the distance and pulled me into his arms.

My body relaxed into him in an automatic response. My emotions were warring in my head. I felt relieved to be in his arms again. It felt so natural, like this was where I belonged, but then everything that happened between us made me angry and hurt all over again. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I didn’t move. I let him hold me because it was what he needed.

“You came,” he said, his voice quiet.

I pulled away slightly to look into his face. He looked terrified and sick, but he was still beautiful. How did he pull that off? In the middle of the night, in the halogen light of a hospital waiting room, he managed to still look gorgeous. It was just further proof that life was not fair.

“Millie called,” I said. “How is he doing? Is he awake?”

Drew shook his head and I guided him into one of the chairs near Millie and Sean. We all sat there quietly, staring at the floor, looking up every time the door to the recovery wing opened.

Drew reached out and took my hand. I winced at the shock I felt from his touch, but I didn’t pull away. He needed me to be here for him and I would do it, but just being this close to him was torture. It was too much.

David came out a little while later and said that Papa Jack was awake. We all sighed in relief. He was still pretty out of it, but he would be fine. Sean took Millie home so she could get some rest. I stayed so I could see Papa Jack. Drew was in with him now and David and I sat out in the waiting room. They would only let one of us in at a time.

“Thank you for coming,” David said.

“You all are family. Of course I came.”

“It means a lot to Drew that you are here.”

I let out a long breath. “This doesn’t change anything. I can’t see him after this is over. It hurts too much,” I said and hung my head.

“Look, Alex. This is my fault,” David said, turning to face me in his chair. “I cornered him and he panicked. He didn’t mean it. He was just…”

“Just what, David?” I could feel myself getting angry again. “Himself? He used me.”

My voice was getting louder. My lips flattened into a thin line as I tried to rein in my anger.

“This is between the two of you and I can’t speak for him. All I can do is tell you what I have observed.” David took a breath. “You belong together. We’ve all known it for years. We were just waiting for you two to figure it out for yourselves. He has been a wreck, Alex. Before you throw away everything you two have, please just talk to him.”

Tears were falling from my eyes. I knew he was right and, in that moment, I hated him for it.

Drew came around the corner and stepped up to David. “Hey, they’re moving him into a private room. Once they move him, we’ll all be able to go back and sit with him.” Drew put his hand on David’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go home, get some rest, and check on Millie? Red and I will stay.”

David looked at me raising his eyebrows as if to ask if I was okay with that. I nodded in response. We swore we would call if anything happened and, with a promise to be back in a few hours, David headed home.

We waited quietly until the nurse came out to give us Papa Jack’s room number.

When we got to the room, Papa Jack was asleep. Wires were sticking out from his chest and a tube was stuck under his nose. He looked so pale and small. I didn’t think he could ever look small.

I took a seat next to the bed and took his hand as Drew took a seat on his other side. We sat in silence for a long time, just waiting for Papa jack to open his eyes so we knew he would be okay.

It was early morning and sitting up in the waiting room all night was taking its toll on me. I yawned and stretched my back, trying to trigger a second wind.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Drew said, finally breaking the silence.

“Of course I am.” I reached to take Papa Jack’s hand. “He’s family.”

“I know, but it means a lot.” Drew reached across the bed to take my hand, but I pulled away quickly.

“Drew, don’t.” He looked so hurt, but I steeled myself. He may have been hurt I pulled away, but I had been devastated for weeks.

“Red, please.”

“We aren’t doing this, Drew. I’m here because Jack is hurt. This doesn’t mean I forgive you or want to talk about it.” I got to my feet. “If you can’t handle that, then I’ll leave.” I headed for the door.

“Red! Please, don’t walk out on me.”

I whirled on him. “Don’t walk out on you. Why? Why do you care? I was only a matter of convenience to you anyway.”

“That’s not fair, Red.”

“What’s not fair is you making me believe that you felt something for me. What’s not fair is telling me all that bullshit about me being the one you wanted when I was just another notch on your headboard. What do you want me to say, Drew? Thanks for the sex; I’ll see you at trivia.” I was so far past angry. My entire body was tense, the muscles straining so hard it hurt. “You knew how I felt about you. I was prepared to be rejected. I expected it, but I was stupid enough to believe that you actually cared about me as a friend. I had you pegged from day one, but I convinced myself that deep down you were a good guy. I was wrong. You are still the same womanizing asshole I met at that stupid party.”

“Are you done?” he asked, his jaw tense.

“Absolutely,” I said, reaching for the door knob.

Drew took a hold of my elbow and turned me to face him. “First of all, you’re right. I was that guy when we met, but I need to make one thing absolutely clear. Nothing that I have ever told you was a lie. I do feel something for you. I’ve had feelings for you for a long time and yes, I have not had a single serious relationship since we met because no one comes fucking close to you.” He dropped my elbow and took a breath. “Alex, that night you told me you loved me, I couldn’t believe it. Then, before I could even say a word, you started in on your plan to get past it, to get over your feelings for me and how you didn’t want to love me. I have tried so many times over the years to tell you how I feel and you have either stopped me or we have been interrupted. So, eventually, I just stopped trying. I figured when you were ready you would come to me, but even when you did, I still didn’t get the chance to tell you what I want.”

I crossed my arms across my chest. “Fine. What do you want, Drew?”

He didn’t hesitate. “I want you! I want to be with you. I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night. I want to fight with you and have makeup sex on the kitchen floor. I want a life. I want it all and I want it with you!”

“That’s such bullshit! You got caught and now you’re trying to cover your ass. If you wanted me, then why not just tell David the truth?” I was not going to let myself fall into another trap.

“Because David already knows the truth! Everybody knows. Everybody, except you.”

“Everybody knows what?”

“That I’m in love with you! That I’ve been in love with you for six fucking years!”

“What?” I said, barely choking out the word.

He took a step toward me, saying the words slowly. “I am in love with you. I have fallen a little bit more in love with you every single day since you dumped that drink over my head.” Drew stepped closer, bringing his hand to my cheek. “You are stubborn, pig headed, and let’s face it, a little oblivious at times, but you are also smart, funny, and the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, inside and out. I love you, Red.”

I stared at him. I couldn’t believe what he just said. He loves me? Six years?

“W…Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because back then you needed me. You needed to have someone you could count on without the fear of more loss. I was doing what I thought was best for you.”

I looked down as the tears filled my eyes. “No, you’re lying.”

“Alex, look at me.” I did as he said, slowly dragging my eyes to meet his. I was surprised to see the love and sincerity shining out from them. “Things with us have always been effortless. You have been the best part of my life for so long that after a while, the thought of complicating that scared the shit out of me. That’s part of why I waited so long and that’s why I wanted to keep what was happening with us under wraps for a while, to see if we could have a real shot at making this work without all the pressure from everyone else getting in the way.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I didn’t say it was the smartest plan.”

I laughed, my body starting to relax. I wanted to believe him. I wanted this to be real so badly, but I was terrified. My head was spinning. I shook my head and stepped away from him. This was all so overwhelming.

“You’re it for me, Alex,” he said, his voice desperate and pleading.

I didn’t know what to do or say. This whole thing was crazy. I didn’t know what to think. He really hurt me. He handled the David situation all wrong, but I had been too stubborn and wrapped up in my own heartbreak to give him a chance to make it right. He loved me and really, that was all I needed to hear.

I closed the distance between us and kissed him, pouring everything I felt over the past few weeks—the doubt, the fear, all of the hurt—into the kiss. He responded, deepening the kiss, pulling me tight against his body. Everything we had been through didn’t matter anymore. I loved him and he loved me. Odds were, our future would be full of obstacles, but we could have a future. We could do it together.

“Ahem!” Papa Jack was awake. Drew tightened his grip on me and we froze, breaking the kiss and turning our heads to face Papa Jack.

“Glad to see you two have kissed and made up,” Papa Jack said, chuckling to himself as we finally broke apart.

“Hey there, Pops,” I said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “How do you feel?”

“Better now,” he said. “It’s about damn time you two came to your senses.”

I smiled at him. “I’m glad to see you are doing okay. You had us pretty scared.”

“Nah.” He waved his meaty hand. “Gonna take more than that to take this old dog out of the fight.”

Drew put his hand on Papa Jack’s shoulder. Jack covered it with his own. They didn’t say anything, but you could feel their love for each other. I sat down on the end of the bed and Papa Jack turned toward me, shook his head, and smiled.

“What?”

He looked up at Drew. “Your mother called it.”

Drew smiled and looked at me. “I kept my promise.”

I gave him a look, trying to figure out what he was talking about, but he just shook his head.

“I just wish she were here to see it,” Papa Jack said, his voice cracking.

Tears filled my eyes and I took Papa Jack’s hand as Drew said, “She is.”

The door opened and David and Millie came in, hauling balloons and flowers. Well, David was hauling them.

“Hey there, Papa Jack. It’s good to see you awake. You had us so worried.” Millie enveloped him into a hug. Drew quickly moved out of her way, coming to stand behind me.

“I not going anywhere before I get to meet my grandson,” he said, smiling up at her.

“Well, you will be around a lot longer than that.”

“Yep, gotta stick around for the next one,” he said, winking at me.

My face flushed. Millie whipped her head around to face me, raising an eyebrow in my direction.

I shot to my feet and held out my hands in protest. “I’m not pregnant!”

Drew pulled me back against his chest and wrapped his arms around me. “Not yet,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the sweet spot behind my ear.

I thought Millie’s eyes would pop out of her head. David just smiled and shook his head while Papa Jack laughed.

“Aren’t you skipping a few steps there, buddy,” I said, pulling away from him. He laughed and pulled me back into his arms.

“Maybe so, but practice makes perfect, right?” Drew leaned in and kissed me, almost bringing me to my knees. There I go again with the swooning.

“Well, it’s about damn time!” Sean said from the doorway. We hadn’t seen him come in, but I guess he witnessed everything.

After a while, David told Drew and me to head home to rest, which he said with a wink. Millie slapped his arm for that one. We said our goodbyes and turned to leave.

“Son,” Papa Jack called to Drew as we headed to the door. We both turned to face him. “You don’t deserve her,” he said with a smile.

Drew nodded. “I know, Pop. I know.”