Текст книги "Until I Met You"

Автор книги: S. L. Scott

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

THE CAR CAME to a stop on a dirt road concealed beneath tall trees on both sides. Jude slumped to the side before righting herself. She looked over at Hazel in the driver’s seat next to her and smiled. It was feeble, but it represented her whole heart.

He put the car into park and turned to her. “Hey there.”

“Hi.”

Her voice was slightly hoarse either from dehydration or shouting. He wasn’t sure and didn’t want to ask. Handing her his water, he said, “Drink. I can tell you’re dehydrated.”

She took a few small sips, then looked out her window. “I’m gonna go… out there.”

“I can take you somewhere else. I just thought—”

“This is fine.” She reached for the bag of clothes in the back seat and Taylor ran around to open the door for her. Jude took his hand and stood up. Their bodies came together, and she fell into his arms. “Thank you,” she whispered.

He held her. He held her so tight he didn’t know if he was holding her up or if she was holding him. It didn’t matter either way. They were together again.

Jude stepped away with her head lowered. When she looked up into his eyes, she requested, “Don’t look at me like that anymore, okay? I can survive anything they do to me at Bleekman’s. I can survive anything my family puts me through. But I cannot survive knowing I’ve dulled your impossible eyes.”

Putting on a smile just for her, he said, “Okay.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. He was worried he wouldn’t be able to always hide his inner turmoil from her, but he would hide it from her today.

He added, “I packed clothes for you.”

“The dress will do,” she replied, holding up the bag.

Leaning against the car, he watched as she walked into the woods, just behind some large trunked trees. He looked away, giving her privacy, though the thought of her needing privacy from him stung.

Minutes later, she returned looking more herself already. She lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly, then said, “It’s amazing what a pretty dress can do for your attitude.” She twirled, not as fast as usual, but enough to make her smile, and more than enough to make him.

“We’ll fill the closet. You’ll have dresses in every color.”

She rubbed her hand over his chest. “And where will your clothes go?”

“I don’t care. I just want to fill your life with dresses that make you smile like this one does.”

Tilting her head, she blushed. “I missed you.”

Guilt bombarded his heart, landing each and every regret. “I’m sorry. So sorry. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

“You’ve done nothing to apologize for. I’m here, only because of you. Thank you for loving me.”

The architect and the double dipper embraced, but now as bonded lovers—no past, no future, just them right in that very moment. “I do,” he said, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Hazel.”

He breathed her in, her natural scent muted by the dark past of the last twenty-four hours. He wanted her light back. He wanted his Jude back. She was there, but he would have to unearth the woman beneath the stench of deceit. “We should go. Get you home.”

She pulled herself away from him begrudgingly, but she knew he was right. “I’m ready.”

Jude spent the trip back to Manhattan mostly quiet. She felt the drugs altering her on the inside, and through her peaks of lucidity, she fought the crazy thoughts desperate to surface. She just needed to wait them out. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she could think clearer.

Taylor alternated between watching the road and watching her. He had a ton of questions, but it didn’t seem the right time for deep conversation. By the way she leaned against the door with her head on her hand, she looked too tired. Determined to help her the best he could, he pulled over and they ate lunch at a roadside diner.

She leaned her head on him now, the two of them sharing one side of the vinyl booth. With his hand on her leg, and while waiting on their order to arrive, she asked, “Do you love me like you did before?”

Rubbing her thigh, he kept his trembling heart out of his voice. “I love you more.”

“You’re all I saw when my mind tried to play tricks on me, you grounded me to something real, something pure. You gave me a reason to fight.” Sitting up, she looked at him, then to the rings on her finger. “I’m sorry you saw me like that. I’m sorry about everything.”

“You don’t have any reason to say sorry, but I have a million.” The call to the lawyer he should have made. The phone he should have bought. Stopping her from going back… A million regrets that burdened his heart.

“You keep saying that, but you’ll never convince me.” After a heavy sigh, she let her shoulders and her guard down. “I don’t want to relive it. I never want to think about it again.”

He understood, so he nodded. They could talk tomorrow about the legal stuff, but Bleekman’s got benched for good.

Taylor’s eyes were wide in astonishment as he watched her finish a half-pound burger, French fries, and a piece of apple pie a la mode. Then he felt bad for her on the car ride home watching her rub her belly in pain. “Why did you let me eat so much?”

“I was afraid if I tried to stop you, I’d lose a hand.” He chuckled.

She didn’t at first, feigning offense, but gave in and laughed. “You might have. I was starving.” Groaning again, she said, “I can’t wait to be home.”

When they walked into the apartment, Taylor dropped his bag on the bedroom floor and Jude went straight to the bathroom and started the shower. He gave her space and waited for her in the living room. After texting his lawyer that they made it home, his lawyer replied.

Come in tomorrow at ten, so we can sign the papers to start the process.

He would talk to her later if she was up for it. If not, in the morning. Passing the time, he sat at his drafting table and sketched out a larger closet just for her in their future home, until his hand trembled. The difference this time was it was his other hand. He watched his left hand on the white surface moving just enough for the eye to catch what his body knew.

“I feel so much better after that shower,” Jude said from the kitchen.

Taylor wrapped his right hand over the other, hiding it from her. He just hoped he hid the fear he felt as well. “What?” he asked, looking over. She was the vision of the beauty he fell in love with. Her hair shone under the light, her happiness too bright to hide in her blue-green eyes. She wore his boxer shorts and college T-shirt, giving him flashbacks of the first time they were together.

She repeated herself, “I needed a shower. I smelled.” She shook her head. “So embarrassing.”

Staring at her, he said, “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Are you okay?” She quirked her head to the side and stared at him. “You seem distant?”

Turning back to his table and the house rendering, he tried to ignore the disease that wouldn’t give up on him. “I’m fine. I’m tired. I’m sure you are, too.”

“Exhausted,” she replied dramatically, but when he didn’t respond to her antics, she walked to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong? For real. What’s going on?”

Her hands were warmth and strength, reassurance, and patience. He wanted to give her the same in return, so he secured his voice and covered what he should be telling her with what he needed to tell her. “We have an appointment with my lawyer at ten tomorrow. We’ll get your rights back whether they’re granted to you or me, your family will no longer have access or control over you.”

She squeezed and gently rubbed. “That’s great news. Thank you. You’re very tense. Maybe you should take a hot shower too.”

He took a deep breath and straightened his face, holding steady. Taking her by the hips, he said, “Yeah, that might help.”

Leaning down, she took his face between her hands and kissed him. There was more than passion exchanged. There was a promise of a happy life. And Jude felt safe once again. Sitting on his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it bad that I’m still craving Chinese food?”

Now that made him laugh. “I can’t believe you’re hungry after that big meal, but if you want Chinese food, you’ve got. I’ll order it now.”

She kissed his head. “I knew you loved me.”

“You’re right. I do.”

Pausing, they let a quaint silence surround them as they spun to look out the window at the city beyond. “When did you start loving me, Hazel?”

“The first time I saw you.” Chartreuse dress. Red snow boots. Wrapped in chaos and breathing life into a party that was stale, and a heart that had gone cold.

“So was it the double dipping that won you over?”

“No. Although that was quite the turn-on,” he said sarcastically. “It was watching you dance to the music all by yourself.”

Her head tilted back and she laughed. “That makes me sound weird.”

“Not weird at all. Quirky, yes. But you were the most magnificent sight I’d ever seen. You were touchy and completely invading everyone’s space—”

“Especially yours.”

“You didn’t have to invade mine. I happily surrendered the moment you looked into my eyes.”

“Hazel.”

He held her and kissed her shoulder. “You smell sweet. I’m glad to have you back.”

“Not more glad than I am to be back.” She bent down to kiss his lips, then pressed them to his ear instead, and whispered, “I’ll spend my life trying to repay you, but let me start by saying thank you.”

Turning, he closed his eyes as his cheek rubbed against hers. “I’d rather you spend your life happy, free to be who you are, and with me.”

“Me too. With you. Everything with you.” She released him and stood up. “I’m going to rest until the food gets here.”

Tugging on her shirt, he agreed. “I’ll wake you when it arrives.”

Her finger traced his jaw, then tapped his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

With a smirk, she replied, “Impossible,” and disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the door cracked open.

Taylor ordered the food and then sat on the couch with his head in his hands. Bitterness was seeping into his heart, the disease attempting to steal his future out from under him.

Money, power, talent, connections. None of it mattered. The disease he fought against couldn’t be bought, sold, or traded. Bartered or deterred. His disease was set to destroy all that was good in him, all that was worth having, worth living. He would leave this earth one day too soon, but more than this world, he didn’t want to leave Jude.

THE FOOD WAS delivered and from the bedroom, Jude heard the rustle of the plastic coming from the kitchen. She didn’t hear Hazel though. He was eerily quiet and it bothered her, twisting her stomach in knots.

With her eyes open, she watched as he opened the bedroom door slowly and paused, his dark body silhouetted by the light from the kitchen. Her words got stuck in her throat. She so desperately wanted him to speak first, to tell her everything’s going to be okay. But as the bed dipped and she felt Hazel’s body against hers, she also felt more than his weight. She felt his burden. In the dark room, he sat there, not moving, not attempting to wake her. He sat there next to her drowning in his pain.

“Hazel?” She rubbed his lower back, but he didn’t turn. “Let me in. Please.”

“You have so much shit to deal with. You don’t need mine.”

“I want your… shit.” She laughed softly. “That sounds bad, but you know what I mean.”

He didn’t laugh, but whispered, “I do.”

Her hand continued to touch him. “Don’t hide things from me. Everyone hides things from me. To me, you’re honesty and trust. Please let me be the same for you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

She sat up. “You can’t. You won’t. Don’t you see? You heal me.” She had felt his pain before but when their eyes connected, she saw his pain for the first time.

“I’m going to die, Jude. It could be ten years from now.”

She could feel the weight of the universe through the tense muscles of his shoulders and she rubbed to ease them. A silence hung between them and she started to wonder if he would ever fully share his burdens with her. He had given himself so selflessly to her, to be the strong one for her. What he didn’t realize was that she could be that for him. She would be his comfort, his lover, his companion, and his wife for life. “It could be seventy.”

Sliding around, she was across his lap and caressing his neck when he said, “Tell me you’ll love me no matter what?”

“I’ll show you.” She kissed him as she pushed him back on the bed.

“I thought you were hungry?”

“I am,” she said, straddling him. “Ravenous.” And kissed him.

The Chinese food was room temperature when they wandered into the kitchen an hour later. They ate at the bar as the sun set. The apartment was peacefully quiet, both of them content for the time being.

With full bellies, they got up and cleaned, put the extra food in the fridge, and went into the living room. She sat on the couch, he at the drafting table. After picking up a ruler, he watched his hand as he pressed it to the paper, waiting to see if it would shake or not. It didn’t, so with a pencil in his right, he completed a line since his hands were cooperating.

Jude opened a book from the case and pretended to read, but when he wasn’t looking, her eyes were on Hazel. His glasses were on, his hair a mess, shirtless, boxer shorts, and like a god from ancient histories past, he was too good for this world. A cruel fate would reclaim him and one day she would be alone again. Alone didn’t bother her as much as his death did.

“Do you love what you do? Creating? Architecting?” she asked with a smile as she lay down lengthwise.

With a smile already on his face, he said, “I love what I do. It’s one of the few professions that uses both sides of your brain—the creative and the analytical. I can feed my moods.”

“What mood are you in right now?”

“Analytical.” Turning back to his house on paper. “I need order, logic.”

“How bad is it, Hazel? Tell me.”

He knew what she was asking, but it wasn’t that easy to answer. “Telling you means I’ve come to accept it and I haven’t. So I’m just going to keep working on this project.” He peeked over at her. “I’m sorry.”

Their conversations had been full of words like sorry and I love you. But she realized that sorry only came to be because the I love yous existed. She preferred the latter though she understood they must grieve through a process of guilt and gratefulness.

“You don’t have to be.” Jude, of all people, understood the power of denial. She just hoped his denial didn’t end in his death. She opened her book and picked up where she had left off a few days earlier.

The day had been exhausting for both of them, but they lay in bed together after midnight wide awake. They tried for sleep, but it was hard sought and restlessly eluded them. Finally Jude gave into reality. “I can’t sleep.”

“I can’t either. What are you thinking about?”

“What am I not thinking about?” She rolled toward him and asked, “Make me forget.”

“If one day you’ll help me remember.” He wrapped his arm under her neck and she moved closer. “I’m scared I’ll forget how to control my hands and draw, or sketch, or touch you the way I want, the way you like.”

“You’ll not forget, my love. If you do, I’ll be your hands. I will. You can teach me.”

“How to touch you?” he asked.

Jude moved on top of him, took his hand, and placed it on her breast. “Teach me everything.”

His hand squeezed and she closed her eyes, her body stimulated awake from his touch. Sitting up, he kissed her collarbone and felt her—the dip of her waist right before it meets her hips, the roundness of her bottom, and then back up to her firm breasts. Her body was a compass to his life’s journey and he planned to explore and conquer.

With his mouth on her skin, he tasted her sweetest valley and hills. His hands rolled over her stomach and between her legs, which opened for him like the petals of a flower. “You like this,” he whispered, then kissed the top of one of her breasts.

“I do.” She shivered under his words.

He lifted up until her eyes met his, holding her gaze while he moved down her body. He kissed her where the secrets she only shared with him were hidden, like treasures.

She smiled and let her mind and body relax back. Rain started hitting the windows and she turned just to catch the beginning of the storm outside. While her body was revered into its own brewing storm, she let her thoughts thunder toward tomorrow. Taylor straightened over her and thrust inside her, no patience for the weather inside or out.

The temperature rose in the room, their bodies melting from the heat. She reached above her, her fingers grappling for leverage. When she kissed his shoulder, she fell back, lightning striking. “Taylor!” she cried out as his own tornado ripped through him. “Jude!”

They watched the raindrops hit the window until they fell asleep in the early hours of a new day.

The storm got louder throughout the night, the sky lighting up from booming lightning. Jude woke up just before when sunrise should have happened. She moved to the chair and watched the weather taunt her as if it could predict her future.

When Taylor stirred, his arm reached out, feeling for her. She said, “Is it a sign?”

He opened his eyes and she was the first thing he saw, making him smile his sexiest, most peaceful smile. “We don’t need signs. We have love and truth on our side.”

“I was told by the doctors I can’t have children.” She just said it. Like his disease, this fact picked at her bones, eating her alive.

Taylor sat up slowly not sure if he should go to her or give her space. “Which doctors?”

“Bleekman’s. They said the drugs have done damage to my insides. Do you think you can heal my body like you’ve healed my soul?”

Afraid to look at her, to let her see his sadness, he stared out the window at the rain. “I don’t think you should have kids with a man who won’t be there to help you raise them anyway.”

His tone was flat and she hated it. “You can’t be consumed with death when we have so much life to live. A baby of yours…” she looked away from him, “would be a gift.”

Anger surged over his grim reality of a future. “Those doctors would tell you anything to hurt you.”

“We’ve never used birth control and I’ve not gotten pregnant. I think they were right.”

“Jude,” he started, shaking his head ever so slightly. “I’ll do this if you need me to, but I don’t think we need to talk about something we can’t control before our appointment this morning. We can pick it up later tonight if you want.”

She pulled out a cigarette and lit it while staring out at the city on the other side of their glass refuge. “I started smoking because my uncle hated cigarette smoke.”

Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place, the rounded edges of her confession sharp with pain on his already beaten heart. “What if I asked you not to?”

Exhaling smoke, she then replied, “I’d quit for you.”

“I want you to stop smoking. I don’t ask much of you, but this I ask because I love you and even if I can’t live a long life, I want you to.”

Jude dropped it in a glass of water on the floor. “For you, anything.” Standing up, she said, “I’ll make breakfast.”

With all the talk of what they couldn’t do, he wanted to focus on what they could. Tucking his hands behind his head, he watched her naked body walk by and into the kitchen. He just hoped the shades were drawn in the living room. Getting up, he went to take a shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist before joining her in the kitchen.

He formed around her back, encompassing her. She stopped scrambling the eggs and leaned her cheek against his. He whispered, “It’s going to be okay.”

“You’re not mad at me about the birth control?”

“How can I be mad when I didn’t use any either.”

She moved the spatula around the skillet, then turned off the flame. “Living dangerously, Mr. Barrett?”

“Is there any other way to live these days?”

“Yes! Safely.”

“I guess I didn’t mind being tied to you before we tied the knot.”

Jude’s body stilled and she turned in his arms. “What are you saying, you crazy man?”

“Don’t call me crazy,” he teased.

Her fist lightly pounded his chest. “Never,” she replied with a smile. “But you’re saying you would have had a baby with me?”

“I still will if you play your cards right.” He waggled his eyebrows for extra emphasis.

“But I can’t.”

“I don’t think you should believe anything those doctors told you. You can find a doctor here in the city. We can do tests to see, but I’m not going to believe you can’t just because those psychos said it.”

She kissed his chin and then his lips. “Thank you. Now let’s get you fed and we’ll start getting ready.”

Taylor settled on the barstool with a plate and fork in front of him. Jude poured two glasses of juice and set one down for him. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“I will always take care of you.”

Just before he had a chance to take a bite, a knock on the door surprised them. Their eyes met, panic setting in. Taylor stood and whispered, “Don’t worry. I’ll answer it. Go to the bedroom and get dressed. He watched her hurry into the bedroom and checked the time. 8:08. Too early for company. He tightened his towel around him and looked through the peephole. Two police officers stood on the other side of the door. “Hello?” Taylor called.

“Mr. Barrett, please open the door.”

“What’s this regarding?”

“Again, please open the door so we don’t have to disturb your neighbors.”

Red flags were firing with every receiving synapse, but he had no choice. One way or the other, the police had rights as much as he did. He slowly unbolted the main locks and opened the door just enough to see each other’s faces. The cop closest said, “We have a court order for Ms. Boehler to be returned to her guardians.”

“It’s Mrs. Barrett. We’re married. She’s twenty-two. Legally old enough to make her own choices. She’s choosing not to return to them.”

“She doesn’t have that right, legally,” he stated firmly, but the softening around the edges of his eyes belied the sternness of his words.

“We’re married.”

“But her guardians are still her parents and they have filed for her return.”

“They’re abusive. She can’t go back. We have a meeting with our lawyer at ten. He’s filing. Just pretend we weren’t here and let us go to that appointment.”

The officer sighed and looked down. When he looked up again, Taylor saw the sympathy in his eyes. “Hey, Mac. I may not understand the details of this case, but I have to follow orders. Ramirez here has to follow orders as well. We’ll have to arrest you if you keep us from our job.”

Taylor was not going to let her go without a fight, again. “Officers, let me ask you this: if someone had been drugging your wife, emotionally torturing her, physically abusing her, would you just step aside for her to be taken back to those people?”

They stared at Taylor a good, hard thirty seconds, then the cop said, “You’re in a towel. I have no idea how she’s dressed, but here’s what I’m going to do. We’re gonna step back, a few feet down this hall and pretend we haven’t had this conversation. You’re gonna get dressed, make sure she’s dressed, and open this door in five minutes when we knock. You seem like a nice enough guy, so we’ll extend you that courtesy, but we can’t walk away without Ms. Boe… Barrett in our custody. If you fail to open this door in five minutes, we’ll bust it open and arrest you and your wife for obstructing justice.”

Like rats—they were trapped. He started to shut the door, but the police officer added, “I’d also spend that time calling your lawyer, Mr. Barrett.”

The door shut and he locked one of the bolts. When he turned around, he saw Jude standing there in a pair of pants, a sweater, and sneakers. Her gaze lowered to the floor and she said, “Call your lawyer and go into the bedroom and wait until I’m gone.”

“No.” His eyes, like his tone, were defiant. “I’m not letting them take you.”

“You have no choice, Hazel. Please. You can’t help me if you’re in jail.”

He went to her, taking her by the arms, his eyes pleaded as his hands squeezed. “I’m not giving up. Don’t you give up either!”

“I’m not giving up. I’m playing by their rules. It’s poker and they have a better hand this round. We’ll have the better hand next deal. I’m going with them. You’re not going to stop this. You can’t. All you can do is help me through the legal system. Please, Hazel, I beg of you. Go into the bedroom, get dressed, and call the lawyer.”

He shook his head. “I can’t just let them take you.”

“Then come with me. Follow them to the station. They can’t just deliver me back home. There’s a paper trail they have to deal with. Go get dressed.”

They stole seconds together and stared into each other’s eyes. He touched her face and said, “Don’t open the door yet. I’ll follow you to the station.” Taylor wasn’t going to give up this time. He had failed her two days ago. Never again. She was his, and he will defend her from those determined to make her powerless.

Jude had accepted her fate this early morning and went to the door while her destiny stayed firmly wrapped up in the man in the bedroom. One bolt. Her hand shook, but unlocked it. When she opened the door, the two officers straightened themselves after having been leaning on the wall. She stepped out, and whispered, “Please don’t hurt him.”

They nodded. The deception of what was happening might not have been understood by the cops, but the gravity of ripping two people in love apart was. “I’ve got a wife at home. So does Ramirez.”

Jude nodded this time and lowered her head as she shut the door. The three of them walked to the elevator and were safely on it when she heard Hazel calling for her.

Inches remained when he caught sight of her while he pushed the button erratically to stop the door from closing. “Jude! Don’t go! Fight!”

An inch left before the door closed, blocking him. She said, “I love you. Always.” She heard the slam of his fists on the outside of the elevator as they started to descend. With her back to the officers, she glanced at them in the reflection of the doors. “We need to hurry. He’ll fight for me.”

The tall man standing directly behind her said, “I’d do the same for my wife.”

She found some comfort in the fact that he shared that with her, and she smiled.