Текст книги "Ruin"

Автор книги: Rachel Van Dyken

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter Forty-Four

For some reason I wasn’t scared… it was weird. An eerie peace descended over that room and I couldn’t explain it.

Kiersten

“I’m sorry.” Wes kissed my forehead.

I turned to face him. “For what?”

“I told you I’d help you with some of the list.” He laughed and shook his head. “Ways to live… Damn, I thought you knew my secret right then and there.”

I shrugged. “We all suffer deaths in our lives right? We all suffer with darkness… mine was just different than yours.”

“But not any less serious.” Wes touched my cheek. “At any rate, I’m sorry we didn’t finish everything.”

I pulled away. “Are you talking about the cranberry sauce? Because we had that at Thanksgiving.”

“No.” He bit down on his lips. “The other stuff.”

“Hmm…” I’d been keeping the list in my pocket since he’d been in the hospital. The paper was crumpled and had clearly seen better days. I carefully unfolded it and showed it to Wes. “The list is done.”

A line was drawn through every last thing except for what I knew Wes was talking about. “You have a pen?”

He gave me a confused look, then reached to his tray where he’d been playing tic-tac-toe with Gabe and handed me the pen.

Emotion clogged my throat as I carefully drew a line through Fall in love, then drew another line through Get heart broken. Wes inhaled sharply as my pen hovered over the last line. This time I circled it. Fall in love anyways.

A tear rolled down my cheek and landed on the piece of paper.

Wes pulled my face toward his, cupping my cheeks with his hands. “I love you, Kiersten.”

“I love you too,” I choked out. “So much it hurts. It actually hurts.”

He closed his eyes and touched his forehead to mine. “You’re going to marry me someday.”

“Oh, I am?” I said through my tears.

“Yup.” He smiled. “I’m going to get down on one knee and I’m going to ask you to marry me. I’m not a very patient guy, so I’ll let you do two years of school before I pop the question, no more than two years.”

“What if I don’t want two years?”

His eyes opened.

“What if I want now?”

Wes chuckled lightly. “And have your Uncle Jobob hunt me down? I’d rather not…”

“Fine, one year.” My eyes narrowed in a silent challenge.

“One year from this day…” Wes whispered.

I nodded.

“And you’ll be saying I do.”

“And we’ll keep our own time.” I closed my eyes and memorized the feel of his face in my hands. “And we’ll have three kids.”

“Four,” he argued. “Always go for an even number.”

“And we’ll live—”

“Wherever the hell we want.”

“But I will need to finish school.” I sighed and kissed him on the cheek. “Even though you’re loaded, I have to finish school – I chose a major.”

“You did?” Wes sat up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was a surprise.” I grinned through my tears. “Want to know what it is?”

“Teacher?” he guessed.

“Nope.”

“Exotic Dancer?”

I laughed. “Is that a major?”

“It should be.”

“Nursing,” I whispered. “I want to be a nurse. I want to help in the cancer units. I want – I want to help people like you helped me. I want to help them push away the nightmares, the darkness. I want to rescue them, like you rescued me.” I felt more tears stream down my face. “You rescued me and I found my ruin.” I bit down on my lip. “I’m ruined for you – and I won’t ever be the same. It’s the greatest gift anyone’s ever given me.”

He wiped away my tears. “Ruin?”

“Yeah, a ruin, because in helping me knock down all those demons, you built me back up again. And for that, I’ll never be able to repay you.”

“Which is why we’re having four kids, not three,” he whispered.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too… being with you has been the greatest gift anyone could ever give me, and to think it was all because you assaulted me on your first day of class.”

“I did not—”

“Shh, Lamb.” Wes’s lips touched mine. His tongue tasted like champagne. I kissed him back with everything I had inside of me. The kiss wasn’t the end. It was the beginning, the beginning of our life together.

We kissed until my mouth was swollen from his lips. He tasted every part of me, yet refused to take what I wanted to give him most – myself. He said he wanted something to look forward to when he woke up. Leave it to Wes to use sex as a reason not to die. I had to laugh at his explanation. Then the laughter faded to soft gasps and quiet sighs as his hands roamed all over my body, kissing my chest, my arms, my fingers, he even ran his hands up my calves, kissing the back of my knees as if knees were so special they deserved attention too.

I moaned when his mouth returned to mine and twisted my hands in his dark blond hair. Our tongues danced, our mouths pushed, lips pressed, bodies as close as our clothes would actually allow us. I fell asleep with my mouth on his. He fell asleep with his hands bracing my hips. When I woke up, I was starting the countdown until I married that man. A year from that day. A year from December fifth, and I was going to be Mrs. Kiersten Michels.

Chapter Forty-Five

I dreamt of my mom. Of her long blond hair and happy blue eyes. She was so beautiful. She asked me if I was scared. I told her no. We were sitting on the red swing set my dad had bought me for my sixth birthday. She lifted my hands to her lips and kissed my fingers and told me that it would be okay. For some reason, I believed her. Before she disappeared, she pressed her hands to my chest and closed her eyes.

Weston

“Wes,” Angela murmured. “It’s time to get up, sweetie. We’ve got to get you prepped.”

I yawned and nodded then nudged Kiersten awake. She clung to me for a few brief minutes before leaving the room. I’d see her right before I went in, and I knew she wanted to go get changed since the surgery was going to be at least ten hours.

“How do you feel?” Angela asked like she always did.

“Good.” My eyes narrowed. “So strange. I had a dream about my mom. You look a lot like her.”

“Really?” She tilted her head. “I imagine she was beautiful, so I’ll take that as a compliment.”

I laughed as she helped me into the hospital gown. “Oh, she was, believe me.”

Once I was in the gown, Angela hooked up my IV again and gave me some anti-nausea medication. It was over really quick. My dad came in to give me a hug. Lisa strolled in with a balloon and a teddy bear.

I took the gift and gave her a hug.

The football team didn’t know I was in surgery. My professors didn’t know. But Coach did, so when he walked into the room bawling like a baby, it didn’t take me by surprise. We’d been through hell and back. It was surreal seeing a three hundred pound lineman cry – he’d played for Florida State around twenty years ago. He shook his head and grabbed my hand.

“You beat this and I’ll let you play in the bowl game.”

Laughing, I squeezed his hand. “You better let me play. I’m the star quarterback after all.”

“That you are.” He chuckled and patted my hand. “See you when you wake up.”

“When I wake up,” I repeated after him as he walked out of my room.

Gabe showed up soon after that.

He sat down in silence.

“You okay, man?” I asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He still refused to look at me.

“Gabe…”

“I asked God to give me the cancer. I still wish He would. You’re too good, man. You don’t… I just—” A string of curses poured out that shocked even me. “My mind still can’t comprehend it.”

“Stop trying.” I sighed. “And remember what I said, let it make you different.”

“I’ve been clean for three years.” Gabe rocked back in his chair. “This is the first time since then that I’ve been tempted to throw it all away. The pain is too much and then I feel selfish for thinking about myself. I’m not strong like you.”

“You are,” I argued. “I know you are.”

“Thanks.” Gabe stood and walked over to me. “Thanks for being my friend.”

“Well, Lisa did pay me…” I joked.

“Good to know you still have a sense of humor, jackass.” Gabe smacked my shoulder and hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds. “You beat the hell out of this cancer or I’m hunting you down, got it?”

“Got it.”

Gabe started walking out of the room when I called him back. “Gabe?”

“Yeah?”

“Be my best man?”

“Best man?”

“Yeah, in three hundred and sixty-six days, I’m getting married to Kiersten. Be my best man?”

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” He chuckled. “Does Kiersten know about this?”

“Of course. She loves me, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Gabe laughed again. “See you on the other side, man.”

Ten minutes went by and then Kiersten walked in.

She was wearing a white dress.

“Sorry. This was all I could find on short notice.”

“You’re wearing a—”

“A wedding dress.” She laughed. “I thought it would give you some much needed inspiration. Now you can dream about me in a white dress – you taking me out of said white dress – me saying yes when you ask me to marry you… yes to all of the above.”

“Come here.” I lifted my hands to her. In an instant she was in my arms, her head buried against my chest. “I love you, Little Lamb.”

“I love you too, Wolf.” She sobbed. “You’re my favorite.”

“Favorite what?”

Kiersten drew back her eyes wide with hope. “Favorite everything. You’re my favorite. Out of all the things I could have in the world that would be my favorite, you win. You win all of it.”

“Wow, pretty high praise.” I smiled and dug my hands into her hair.

“What do you love more?” she teased. “My hair or my heart?”

“Why give me only two choices? Don’t leave out your legs, your laugh, the way you bite your lip when you’re thinking, the feel of your breath on my face, the sound of your voice in the morning, the way you taste, the three freckles on your nose, the fan of your eyelashes, the caring spirit, the determined soul – so why stop at your hair and your heart? How do you expect me to choose? When what I love the most about you – is you.”

I could tell she was trying not to cry. Her face was flushed, her eyes blurred with tears.

“I. Love. You.” I looked directly into her eyes. “It’s not the end.”

“I know,” she agreed. “I know it here.” She pressed her hand to my chest, “And I know it here.” She moved her hand and pressed it to her own chest. “Have a nice rest, Wes, and know I’ll be waiting for you when you wake up.”

I nodded.

“It’s time.” Another nurse walked in, one I didn’t recognize. She gave Kiersten a sad smile and escorted her out, just as Angela walked in.

“Alright, sweetie.” Angela cupped my cheek. “Time to go to sleep and when you wake up – no more cancer.”

Confused, I stared at her, I mean really stared at her, I could have sworn I was looking at my mom. I blinked a few times and shook my head.

“Thank you,” I finally said. “You’ve been a fantastic nurse.”

“Remember one thing.” She grabbed my bed and began rolling it out the door.

“What?” I asked as she paused in the rolling.

“You may not see every single piece of the puzzle that creates your life – you may not see every move the grand chess player makes – but know, He is in complete control of the game board. Sometimes certain pieces are moved or knocked over to make room for new ones. Other times, things happen because of the world we live in. But everything, in the end, will always turn out for good. It’s a nice promise, isn’t it? To know that there’s a reason for it all? A reason for your cancer – maybe by having cancer you’ve saved the lives of three of your best friends. Had you not been sick, would you have met them? Had you not been sick, would you have found the love of your life? Maybe it’s not in the perfection of life that things make sense, but in the chaos.”

She stood and pushed me down the hall. Her words haunted me the entire way. As I was rolled into the surgical room, I reached for her hand. She gripped mine hard within hers. And then, when I was given the injection to sleep, I looked to my right, at her left hand… on her ring finger was a ring. The exact one my father had given my mom, the one she wore until the day she died… I opened my mouth to say it, but heaviness invaded my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep, a smile on my face.

Chapter Forty-Six

Ten hours? What was I supposed to do for ten hours? Pray? I was praying. I was trying not to cry and Gabe was trying to cheer me up by telling me embarrassing stories of Lisa’s childhood — not helpful, but he was trying.

Kiersten

After five hours, I was ready to go crazy. They said the surgery could take anywhere from ten to twelve hours. Randy said that if the doctors came out within the first hour it wasn’t good news. It meant it was inoperable, but he had high hopes, so the minute we were out of the woods after the first two hours had passed, I relaxed a bit.

I looked at the clock again. It was noon. By Five, I should have Wes back in my arms, hurting, but at least alive. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his kisses.

Gabe hit me in the arm. I looked up. A doctor was walking toward us. His head down. It was too soon. No! No! I knew it was too soon for him to be briefing us! My heart faltered and then thundered against my chest as I gripped Gabe’s hand and waited for the news.

The doctor smiled when Randy stood. Smiling was good right? I took a deep breath. I would have felt it if Wes’s heart stopped beating, I would have known in my soul – he was still with us, he had to be.

“It’s the strangest thing…” The doctor shook his head. “The surgery’s finished.”

“Why is that strange?” Randy asked.

“His tumor.” The doctor seemed to be having trouble forming words. “When we looked at it a few days ago, it was the size of the palm of my hand.” He held up his hand. “Somehow over the course of the last few days, it shrunk to the size of a small plum.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Randy blinked a few times. I could tell he was trying not to cry.

“The cancer’s gone,” the doctor said slowly. “It was only in that one location, very near to his heart, but operable. We removed the tumor without any complications. Your son…” The doctor’s voice shook and he drew a tremulous breath. “Your son will live to be a very old man, God willing.”

Gabe held me as I collapsed against his chest in thankful sobs.

“When can we see him?” Randy asked, his voice hoarse.

“He’s still asleep.” The doctor smiled. “I don’t know if it was the drugs finally kicking in, or just a miracle. I’ve worked in the field of oncologic thoracic surgery for fifteen years and never seen anything like it. We’ll be examining all the drugs your son took to see if there’s something to the combination that shrinks tumors in their final stages.”

“Alright.” Randy held out his hand, and the doctor shook it. “Thank you, thank you for everything.”

“It was my pleasure.” The doctor nodded to us and walked off.

I couldn’t see through my tears.

Gabe’s body shook against mine. I thought he was crying and then I looked up. He was laughing so hard I thought he was doing to pass out.

“What’s wrong with you?” I pushed against him.

“That bastard made me promise to be his best man.” Gabe laughed even louder. “He would live—” Gabe wiped his eyes. “—just to see me in a tux.”

I joined in the laughter. Lisa rose from her chair and grabbed my hand in hers. Relief, that’s all I felt, relief that he was going to be okay, that we were going to be together. I had to keep myself from running into that operating room and throwing my body against his.

He was alive.

The love of my life was waiting for me.

Holy crap. I was getting married in a year.

Now it was my turn to laugh.

Chapter Forty-Seven

I dreamt of Kiersten in a wedding dress. I was at the end of the aisle and she was walking toward me. Then my brain fast-forwarded to us holding hands and watching our kids play in the yard. And then, even further, I watched our wrinkled hands touch as we were witness to another great-grandchild being brought into the world. My life — my future. It was all her.

Weston

The first thing I saw when I woke up was my dad. He was hovering over my bed with a look of pure awe on his face. The minute I’d seen my mom’s wedding ring on Angela’s finger, I’d known I was going to be okay. I knew with certainty that I really was just going to take a nap and then wake up and start my life – a new beginning.

Dad’s face faded in and out as well as Kiersten’s. I had no idea how long I slept. One day, my eyes stayed open. I tried focusing on something – anything. Finally, I was able to see another face. My dad’s smile made my chest hurt, either that or my chest just hurt from the surgery, I couldn’t tell if it was physical or emotional – nor did I care. It hurt – pain meant that I was living.

“How do you feel?” my dad asked.

“Like a quarterback.” My voice was still hoarse from having the tube thrust down it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to talk. Talking meant I wasn’t dreaming everything up. Every damn breath hurt like hell, but I kept breathing too. I told myself it would be a privilege to breathe through pain like that for the rest of my life – just knowing each breath was a gift..

Dad laughed. “Good, you think Coach will let you play in that bowl game?”

“When we get that bowl game,” I corrected as I tried to clear my throat and get my voice to sound more normal. “Coach promised me he’d let me play.” I winked. “Where is everyone?”

“I wanted a moment…” Dad cleared his throat. “Just to talk to my son. Alone. To make sure it was real. That you were really here and not still in that operating room. Did the doctors tell you what they discovered?”

I nodded. “The tumor shrank.”

“Son, the tumor shrank to a quarter of its size, all within four days.”

I couldn’t trust myself to speak. One nurse called it a miracle while the doctor gave all the credit to the medicine. I guess I’d never know, and maybe it didn’t matter how I was spared, just that I was.

“Incredible, right?” I said.

“A miracle.” Dad patted my hand, “I love you, Wes.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

He got up, then paused in the doorway. “You really getting married in a year?”

“Yup.” I couldn’t hold back my grin, I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat.

He shook his head and laughed. “Alright then, guess I better get to know that girl’s family.”

Seconds later Kiersten came rushing into the room. She was like a hot blur of red as she bounced onto my bed, careful not to touch my chest, I mean, I did just have major surgery. She pressed her lips against my mouth and kissed me for a few minutes before pulling back.

“Way ta fight, Wes.”

“Some things…” I tucked her red hair behind her ear, “…are worth fighting for.”

A nurse walked in and checked my clipboard.

“Where’s Angela?” I asked.

The nurse gave me a weird look. “Angela?”

“Yeah, the other nurse that was helping me. She had blond hair, pretty face…”

“Hmm.” The nurse put down her clipboard and smiled. “We don’t have a nurse named Angela who works anywhere in this unit, at least that I know of. By the looks of your chart you were on some pretty heavy medication. Hallucinations are completely normal when you have that amount of drugs in your system, Weston. I’ll be sure to notify the doctor of the side effects so he can take note of them.” She gave me a kind smile and walked out of the room.

“Angela? Who is that?” Kiersten asked.

“I don’t think I hallucinated anything. I mean, I did tell you I was going to marry you, right?”

She nodded.

“And you promised to wear a wedding dress?”

Another nod.

“And nakedness, I could have sworn there was nakedness.”

Kiersten rolled her eyes. “Yes, lots of nakedness.”

“But you don’t remember Angela either?” I asked.

“Not at all.” She shrugged. “Maybe it was your imagination, or maybe you just had a guardian angel.”

We kissed and then heard a knock on the door. A male nurse brought in a tray of food, behind him, I saw a familiar smile, followed by blond hair.

“Is that her?” Kiersten pointed.

Angela gave us a small wave, walked away from the room, and got right on the elevator. Just as the door began to close, she winked at me.

“Holy shit.”

Kiersten tapped me on the shoulder. “Who was that?”

I sighed and silently thanked God for miracles of all sizes. “Let me tell you about my mom.”

Chapter Forty-Eight

Two months later

Shit, I was nervous as hell. The doctor had said I could play in limited capacity, but he didn’t think I’d be able to last a whole game. I mean, who plays after having their chest cracked open? Yet I felt healthy as a horse. I’d started working out two weeks after my surgery, slowly and surely, I felt healthy again. No more nausea, no more anything. I was alive, and God, was I thankful.

I waved at Kiersten. She was sitting in the stands with her aunt and uncle. My dad and Jobob had gotten crazy close over the last few months. Crazy, but it seemed that grief on both Kiersten’s and my sides brought the men close to one another. It only took about a week for Jobob to get over his star-struck attitude. Within two weeks he was pulling pranks on my dad that had all of us in stitches. It was good to laugh. It was even better to see my dad laugh.

Dad waved from the sidelines too and pointed at Gabe, who was sitting next to Lisa with a giant sign that read, Go Wes! In Red letters. They drew a giant heart around it.

News of my surgery and cancer struggle got out as we all assumed it would. After numerous Skype interviews with Good Morning America and Anderson Cooper, not to mention ESPN, I’d barely had any time to even think about the bowl game and about what I was going to do during halftime.

We were playing Oregon. Again. Of all the luck in the world. The Ducks were good, but we were better. I threw the football again and stretched my arms above my head. It was the BCS championship. I should have been thinking about the plays, about not getting hit, about winning – but all I could think about was her.

“Ready for this?” Tony asked, throwing the ball one last time.

“Of course.” I laughed. “Are you?”

“We’re having duck for dinner.” He pointed two fingers at me and then threw his head back and howled. People in the stands were shouting green and yellow. I knew Gabe would be pissed. Poor guy, nobody hated the Ducks more than him, though he wouldn’t tell any of us the exact reason.

The announcer came on the loud speaker. Funny, how last time I was on the field, I’d thought my life might be over.

And honestly – it had just begun.

The first two quarters went by in a blur. The score was tied and I was officially exhausted. Coach tried to take me out a few times, but I wouldn’t let him. I was doing a damn good job and I wanted to carry my team. I couldn’t fail them, not now.

“You sure you’re up for this?” Dad asked once the buzzer for halftime went off.

“Yup.” I licked my lips. “I’ve been waiting all my life for this.”

He dug into his pocket and handed me the box. “Go get ‘em.”

“If everyone could have a seat, we have a special announcement.” The man called over the loud speaker. I walked to the middle of the field amidst shouts and cheers from all over the stands, even the Duck fans were on their feet.

The minute I turned, I realized why. Every single person on my side of the crowd were flashing shirts that said I heart Wes Michels. I was too shocked to say anything. The yells grew louder. I gave a bow and took off my helmet. Nervous, I cleared my throat before speaking into the microphone.

“Thank you,” I said in a hoarse voice. “You have no idea how much your support means to me, my family, my team.” I cleared my throat again. “I love you guys. All of you, but there’s someone… someone special that I really need to talk to right now. Kiersten?” The crowd cheered louder. “Kiersten, can you come down here?”

Amidsts screams and hollers, my girl made her way from the stands and across the fields.

“Damn,” I said into the microphone. “You’re just as beautiful as the first day I saw you.”

Her red hair matched her face as she made the final few steps to the middle of the field.

“Lamb,” I began. She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was happy. I fought against the nerves and excitement I felt at finally being able to claim her as my own. “My heart was literally breaking when I met you.” The crowd fell silent. “It was getting slowly poisoned by something beyond my control – some think it is a miracle that I’m standing here, others say it was the drugs.” I gripped her hands. “But I know the truth.”

Kiersten’s brow furrowed.

“When I met you – somehow you healed me. From the inside out, the outside in. We conquered fears together, we learned, we laughed, and we loved. I swear, you caused my heart to soar more in the past few months than it has in my entire existence. My heart is whole because you chose to share yours with me, and it’s for that reason that I get down on not one, but both knees…” I knelt in front of her and gripped her hand. “And say thank you. Thank you for saving my life, thank you for loving me enough to treasure your own, and thank you for being my strength when I had none. I’d like to think our hearts are joined – forever entwined – but considering that’s not technically a legal joining, I have a question for you.”

Gasps were heard throughout the stadium.

“Marry me? Make me the happiest man alive.” I opened the box revealing my mom’s ring. The same one I saw when I’d closed my eyes before my surgery. It was a three carat antique-cut diamond solitaire, with the words My heart for yours engraved on the inside. Dad said when he engraved it, he had only thought of his love for Mom. Never once did he suspect that it would have a deeper meaning for all of us.

Maybe, just maybe, everything did happen for a reason. Maybe there was no such thing as a coincidence. I gulped, waiting for Kiersten’s answer.

With a shout, she threw her arms around my neck knocking me to my back. Her mouth found mine.

I tasted her lips and growled against them. “That a yes?”

“That’s a what the heck took you so long?” She smacked me on the chest and then looked away as tears streamed down her face. “I love you Wes Michels.”

“Oh, yeah.”

She grinned and pointed to her shirt. “You like?”

“I love.”

“I heart Wes Michels,” she whispered and kissed my mouth again. “I would have given you mine, you know…”

“What?” I asked confused, still holding her.

“My heart…” Her lower lip trembled. “I would have given it to you – to save you. I would have done anything.”

“I’ll still take it.”

“What?”

“Your heart,” I whispered. “I’ll still take it, if the offer stands. I want all of it, even the broken pieces, the shredded ones that no longer fit. I want all of them – all of you. I need it all.”

“You have it.” She tightened her grip around my neck as she jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist.

Camera crews were going crazy, trying to get every angle of our bodies, and then, exactly as I’d planned it, the fireworks went off in perfect tune with the song Beneath Your Beautiful.

“Wow.” She breathed, letting her head fall back as she looked at the sky. ”You do things big, don’t you?”

“I am a Michels.” I winked. “Now, let’s go win that game.”

We could have lost and I would have still been happy. Luckily, we didn’t. The green and yellow were no more. Gabe looked ready to cry tears of joy, and then he started trash talking, so we escorted him away from other fans.

I grabbed Kiersten’s hand and kissed it.

“I just wanted to get her home.”

Being named MVP? Meant nothing. NFL scouts? Nothing. But Kiersten? Hell, yeah. She was everything. I left early. I said goodbye to the cameras, the lights, the fame – I just wanted her. And in that dark tunnel as we walked out of the stadium, feeling my mom’s ring against her finger, I knew I was starting the rest of my life.