Текст книги "Destroyed"

Автор книги: Pepper Winters

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 28 страниц)

You’ll never be naked around her.

You’ll never feel her hands on your cock.

You’ll never be able to have full body contact.

You’ll end up snapping her neck.

I was a fucking idiot.

I wish I never set eyes on her.

Prowling to the crucible with a lump of previously melted bronze in the centre, I cranked the furnace and set the tool into the licking flames.

Deliberately throwing myself into work, I ignored thoughts of how fucked-up my life was and flicked switches for sanders, drilling equipment, and buffers. Unravelling a length of silver chain I’d been using on an intricate custom piece, a concept came to mind. A blueprint to somehow keep Zel safe—or as safe as possible from me.

Minutes ticked by as I worked. It calmed my mind, granting a small illusion of peace.

Hours inched past as I toyed with metal and fire and sweat. Working with such unforgiving materials was a reminder that no matter how set in stone we seemed, we could always change. We could mould and adapt and become something new, even a hunk of iron.

I had to hold faith.

I could change.

Over time.

Settling on a stool under a large halogen, I turned my thoughts off and proceeded to turn a piece of chain into a prison.

* * *

The sun tinged the horizon with its pink and golden welcome by the time I’d finished. Climbing the stairs from my lair, my creation tight in my fist, I sighed heavily with relief.

Through the glass roof along the central spine of the house warm rays of sunlight spilled. The familiar tension left my body.

Night was over. Day was back.

With every step toward my room, I clutched the silver harder. I hoped like hell this worked. Opening the door quietly, I made my way across the carpet, deliberately walking in bright patches of morning sun. There were no curtains on the massive bifolds. No way to block out the glare.

That was another thing Zel would have to get used to. I never slept in the dark.

Night had been work hours—full of terror and terribleness. Day was my one chance to be in the light—the small window where the memories were forced to leave.

The night belonged to my past. The day belonged to my future.

The form of a sleeping woman lay burrowed under my sheets. Blankets tugged up over her shoulders, her hands shoved under the pillow beneath her cheek.

My heart thudded hard. She was in my space. Smelling my covers, sleeping on my side of the bed.

I wanted to tear the protection off her and touch her. I needed to find that spark, the energy that existed between us. Remember why I was insane enough to try this.

But I couldn’t. Not yet.

First, I needed purging.

Entering the bathroom, I shed my clothes and left them on the floor. Placing the item I made on the vanity, I stepped into the black-tiled shower. Turning on the tap, hot water rained instantly. I twisted it on as far as it would go.

It hurt. It burned. It scalded a layer of skin. But I didn’t mix the temperature with cold.

The raining fire did something for me that nothing else achieved. It was my drug of choice.

I’d read somewhere that self-harm was a cry for help. A sure sign an individual needed counselling. And they were right. However, I wasn’t crying out for help when I forced my body to stand under a torrent of boiling water. I found salvation.

Pain helped. Inflicting agony gave me a tiny bit of peace. It erased a little bit of badness. It was my version of meditation or relaxing music. It stopped me from exploding.

My skin turned lobster-red, and I shuddered with the urge to dart from under the pinpricks of agony, but I stood and accepted the punishment.

Five minutes passed eternally slowly, but I never once looked down. I never once ran hands over my flesh, or touched the new ridges of injuries and scars. I knew every inch of my violent past and wished it wasn’t so evident on my skin. I never fisted my cock or sought to find a quick release.

I’d been conditioned to feel nothing but the will to obey.

My body wasn’t mine to touch or look at. It had belonged to them; it still belonged to them.

With a shaking hand, I wrenched the cold water on and groaned as icy droplets soothed my burned flesh.

It layered the pain with two intense reactions, doubling the relief.

After blasting myself with ice, I turned off the water and stumbled from the shower.

Avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, I wrapped a towel around my waist and entered the dark bedroom. Making sure Zel was still asleep and wouldn’t catch me naked, I slinked soundlessly through the sunlight.

Entering the walk-in wardrobe, I let the towel fall and quickly yanked on black cotton pants, followed by a black t-shirt. Even on my own, I never slept naked—never ran the risk of being unprepared.

The moment I had clothing on again, I relaxed. Along with hiding certain things, my scars were cloaked, too. Hazel didn’t need to see self-inflicted injuries as well as ones earned in duty.

She didn’t need to know anything about me.

Padding over to the bed, I watched her sleep. Her long brown hair fanned the black sheets looking as if she’d become one with the mattress.

Her breathing was so shallow I had to strain to make sure she was alive. She looked so pure, so undamaged, so unlike me.

My eyes fell to the soft curves of her figure below. My cock twitched at the thought of what I could do to her. What she would let me do for two hundred thousand dollars.

I would fuck her and taste her and use her in every way possible.

In this private purchased world, I could do anything I wanted.

She was mine.

Her mouth parted as she rolled from her side onto her back. One arm flew above her head, thudding against the pillow. Her face scrunched up, eyes fluttered. Either a dream or a nightmare danced behind closed eyelids.

What did normal people dream of? Love and happiness?

“No,” she murmured sleepily.

I froze, waiting for her eyes to fly open. When they stayed closed, I let myself drink in her parted lips, the flush on her cheeks. My thoughts filled with images of her mouth around my cock and her tongue licking me, tasting me.

I was hard at the thought of a release. I’d forgotten what an orgasm felt like. I had no recollection of the pleasurable explosion I’d felt only twice before.

Zel would teach me to remember. Zel would cure me of my sins.

And I was about to take her.

Linking the chain through my fingers, I leaned down and touched her.

7

Hazel

One terrible mistake ended up giving me the best gift of my life.

Every day was harder, every trial more stressful, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

Before her, I didn’t care about anyone or myself. I stole, I cheated, and I lied. I existed on a downward spiral with a grave for a destination. But she changed me.

Clara.

I used my skill at bullshitting to earn well-paying jobs. I studied relentlessly, teaching myself—a homeless ragamuffin with no education—to qualify for certificates and diplomas.

I forged my past to create a positive future, and it worked. The corporate world opened their doors; a regular income filled my bank account. I earned every penny from hard work.

But then I was fired, and every saved penny went to Clara’s treatment. I existed on the fine edge of destitution.

I sold myself for two hundred thousand dollars to a man I didn’t trust.

To a man who would hurt me more than anyone ever could.

I thought I could save him.

Just like I could save my daughter.

I was wrong.

* * *

“You like that? There?” Fox murmured around my nipple. His hands coasted up and down my body, spreading fire, coating me in delicious sensation.

My hands tangled in his hair, massaging his scalp, pressing his mouth harder against me. “Yes, there. Like that.”

He pulled back, white eyes looking soft as snow. “Touch me.”

I dropped my hands and followed the contour of his back, revelling in every ridge of muscle.

He groaned and grabbed me closer, kissing me with everything bared—rocking into me. Rocking, rockin—

“Zel.” Something poked my shoulder, shattering the lust-filled connection. My dream disintegrated into smoke.

“Wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”

I wanted to argue. It wasn’t a nightmare, more like a fantasy. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had such an erotic dream. I fought against losing the kinky comfortable nothingness of sleep; not wanting to return to the world of worries and uncertainty.

The first person to spring to mind was Clara. Her pretty seraphic face, pink with health and youth, smiling happily. But beneath the glow of vitality existed the life-stealing illness that I couldn’t fight.

My heart squeezed, and I struggled to suck in a breath. It never got easier facing the possibility of death for my child.

“Wake up,” Fox growled. His tone banished my sadness, recreating the passion from my dream. My mind entertained thoughts of his arms around me, lips kissing mine. My core throbbed in time to the delicious rocking he’d interrupted.

He had issues, and I would never trust him, but I couldn’t deny the affect he had on my body.

I opened my eyes.

Sunlight!

Shit, I’d spent the entire night? Regret swamped me at the thought of Clara waking up without me. Of Clue explaining that her hooker of a mother was off spending time with someone else.

I’m a terrible mother. 

My mind whirled with repercussions. I needed the money, but what was the point if money couldn’t cure her? I’d be wasting a full month of being without her all for nothing.

I can’t do it.

The morning sun brought a new reality, and my heart felt like it’d been ripped out of my chest. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her while I allowed a stranger to control me.

The soft pleasure from my dream sharpened and twisted in my gut. Fox stood tall, dark, and brutal. His grey eyes glowed; his jaw clenched tight. “You’re awake.”

My stomach fluttered drinking in the ferocious male beside me. I knew three things instantaneously in that moment.

One, I would let him do whatever he wanted because I’d lived a life caring for others for far too long.

Two, I would leave the moment his back was turned. I needed to see Clara.

And three, he would end up hurting me more than anyone, and I would either hate him for eternity or kill him.

Fox glared, no doubt trying to figure out my thoughts. “What were you dreaming?”

Oh, God. A question I didn’t want to answer and a lie he would be able to detect. My heart bolted around my chest. “Nothing.”

“You’re flushed. It’s not nothing.” Towering over me, he gave me no choice but to look straight into his silver eyes. He stood like a statue he’d created. “Tell me. Keeping secrets is non-negotiable.”

My cheeks flushed recalling the dream. The need. The way he’d thrust into me hard and ruthless. Biding for time, I sat up and tucked the black sheet under my arms before it fell off my naked breasts. A curtain of hair covered my shoulders, providing some semblance of decency.

“Tell me, woman.” Fox opened and closed his fists. “I won’t ask again.”

A thrill of fear licked my stomach. “You want to know, I’ll tell you, then perhaps you can deliver. I dreamed of you.” I tucked a strand behind my ear. “You licked my nipple, and I wrapped my fingers in your hair. I stroked every inch of you and when you thrust inside me I almost came just from the dream.” Narrowing my eyes, I murmured, “Happy? Are you pleased to know I want you? Because I do.”

And the sooner I can seduce you the sooner I can find a way home.

Fox stood frozen. His mouth parted as fiery lust exploded in his eyes. “You dreamed of me fucking you?” His voice rasped with need. “Why?”

I frowned. “Why? You’ve taken over my life in the last few hours; it’s natural for my brain to be consumed by you.”

He stiffened. “You’re consumed by me?”

My eyes dropped to the rapidly growing erection in his trousers. I bit my lip as all the heat from arguing with him last night and my saucy dream cindered in my core. “Yes. And I know you’re consumed by me. I know you want to sink deep inside me. You’re making me wait, Fox, and it’s only making me hotter.”

“Fuck me,” Fox groaned. His hand tightened around something glittering in his fist. “You’re destined to ruin me.” He bent over quickly, his eyes latched on my mouth. I parted my lips eager to accept another kiss, but he stopped and jerked backward. “Not yet. Not till it’s safe.”

My heart spiked, zeroing in on the chain he held. “What are you planning on doing?” For some reason my throat slammed closed and I fought the urge to scoot away.

Fox cocked his head. “Why? Are you afraid?”

“Depends. What’s in your hand?”

He raised his fist, looking at it with a mixture of hope and hate. “It’s for you.”

A shiver darted over my spine. He said he wouldn’t hurt you.

“Do I have to take it?”

He cocked his head. “You agreed to the terms and proved you can’t be trusted not to touch me. So yes. You do.” His eyes fell to the precarious sheet. Dressed all in black, I had a hard time seeing him as human and not a life blotting shadow.

His eyes shone as he bent down and held out his palm. The item sparkled like silver tinsel. Jewellery?

He thought bribery would stop me from touching him?

“See, nothing to be afraid of,” he murmured.

I sat taller, tucking the sheet tighter beneath my arms. I hated being half-naked while he stood fully dressed. Clothing granted power. It didn’t matter that he’d see me naked very soon; I wanted to maintain as much equal footing as possible.

Fox had a way of drawing nerves and anxiety, along with lust and attraction—it was a potent combination. Shaking my head, I said, “There’s always something to be afraid of.”

His nostrils flared as his eyes widened. “Who exactly are you?”

“I’m the girl you bought for sex.”

He chuckled.

My eyes widened. I didn’t think he would be the type to laugh—he seemed too serious, too conflicted all the time.

Fox suddenly moved, destroying the tight awareness between us. Sitting on the edge of the bed, his hip pressed hard against my leg. His face was hard and stern, his scar particularly vivid. “Once I put this on, you’re not to take it off.”

I refused to agree to anything that related to my freedom. I wasn’t a prisoner. His damp hair and smell of fresh linen told me he’d already showered. Changing the subject, I asked, “You never came to bed last night. Did you?”

He pursed his lips, fingers clenching around the gleaming silver in his palm. “That’s another thing we need to discuss. I only sleep during the day. I sleep from sunrise till midday. You’ll follow my routine.”

In my real life, I would’ve been up for an hour by now, preparing Clara’s breakfast and lunch for school. I would be dressed and amped on coffee, ready for another day.

Opening his grip, he let the silver slither from his hold and into my lap. My eyes widened, taking in the long length of chain pooling on top of the sheet. “What is it?”

“I made it for you. It’s a way to make sure you don’t touch me.”

I swallowed, peering harder. I reached out to touch it, but Fox leaned forward and scooped the metal back up. His knuckles brushed between my legs, and we both froze.

My lips parted as the lingering heat from my dream came back in full force. My blood carried sticks of dynamite through my system, ready for more ammunition, ready to explode.

Fox cleared his throat, keeping a careful distance. His body stayed tight and disciplined as he ordered, “Lean forward and hold up your hair.”

Ah, dilemma.

If I put my hands up, the sheet would fall. My nipples hardened at the thought of being exposed to him. As much as he turned me on, I wasn’t comfortable baring myself completely. I stupidly felt that once he’d seen me, he’d know more of my secrets, understand just how much I kept from him.

When I didn’t obey, he snapped, “Do it. I won’t ask again.” His eyes roved down to my lips, across my exposed throat, to the swell of my small B’s. “I want to see. Show me.”

The husky interest in his voice teased, granting me a small amount of power. Taking a deep breath, I slowly gathered my hair into a messy ponytail. Somehow, I managed to keep the sheet tight under my arms.

Fox scowled. “Let go of the sheet.”

My heart flew into my throat. Gritting my teeth, I unclamped my arms and gasped as the sheet whispered down my body, kissing my nipples before dropping to my lap.

Fox sucked in a breath. Keeping my back straight, I tried not to show what his fixed look of fascination did to me. Every inch of me burned, loving the single-minded obsession in his gaze.

Just like his body held remnants of his violent life, so did mine. I hadn’t come away unscathed from a few incidents including a shallow scar along my left side and another deeper scar just above my pubis.

His hand cupped my right breast, his thumb skating over the nipple bar pierced right through. “You willingly deformed yourself?” His voice was different, strangled. “You mutilated your body? Why?”

The pleasure of him touching me evaporated. “I don’t consider it deforming. I consider it my right. I can do what I want. Just like you adorn yourself in scars; I can add some decoration.”

He exploded upright. “You think those are willing. You think I allowed those to happen?” Pacing away, he dragged hands through his hair before cursing under his breath.

His temper evaporated as quickly as it’d come and I sat exposed, wondering what the hell I should do. Was it my job to soothe him as well as fuck him?

Coming back to sit on the bed, he gazed at the barbell as if it was blasphemy. I didn’t like the turbulent look in his eyes—gone was the strong, bossy stranger. In his place sat a man with issues deeper than I could ever imagine.

Swallowing, Fox morphed again and blocked everything off. “Lock your hands together and lean forward.”

Not saying a word, I obeyed and shivered as his hands went around my neck. Fox’s scent of smoke clouded me as his body moved closer to mine. The chain glittered in the sunlight like a living thing, but burned my skin like ice.

“What is it?” My voice wavered. Nerves lived in my stomach with frantic wings. My fingers grew white as I locked them tighter.

Don’t touch him. Don’t touch him.

“I told you.” Fox’s breath tickled my collarbone. He fastened the necklace and drew back. A long length of chain dangled down the front of my body, puddling on the sheet. Concentrating, he positioned the cool silver in the valley of my breasts and down the centre of my stomach.

Every sense in my body sprung to attention. I wanted to lean into his touch and invite more, but at the same time I wanted to run. If a simple touch could make me wet, how would I cope when he finally took me?

“Keep your hands locked.” He eyed my lap as if I planned to touch him at any moment with no warning. Eyes drilled into mine. I nodded.

Seemingly satisfied, Fox bent forward again. Gathering the remaining chain, he split it into two lengths and wrapped it around my waist. His fingers were gentle, worshipping. I froze as he fumbled behind me, securing it somehow.

The result was one chain around my neck, one around my belly, and a length running down the front of my body.

“Perfect. It fits.”

I eyed the jewellery. It looked like a normal silver chain, but slightly thicker. More robust than an average necklace, yet delicate enough to be feminine.

Fox leaned back, nodding. “Hopefully it will work. At the very least, it will give me a warning.”

I looked down, plucking at the silver between my breasts. “And I have to wear this all the time?”

He grunted. “You’re not to remove it.” His eyes hardened. “Every morning before bed, you’re to let me secure the final part. Every time we have sex, you’ll let me attach this to the necklace.”

“Attach what?”

My mouth went dry as he pulled another chain from his pocket. This one had a small padlock on two sides. Motioning for me to hold out an arm, he secured the heavy duty silver around my wrists before snapping the padlock closed. He looped the length of chain through the one around my stomach before wrapping the last part around my other wrist and pressing the lock tight.

He’d effectively trussed me up like a fucking turkey.

“You didn’t say anything about bondage.”

He shook his head. “It isn’t bondage. It’s protection.”

Fear thickened as I looked into his eyes. “Protection? From what?”

He stood, his colourless gaze ripping me bare. “Me.”

Oh, holy God.

Reaching into his pocket a second time, he revealed a thick leather cuff with matching silver padlock. He murmured, “Every time we go to sleep, I’ll wear this. If I forget to put it on, you must tell me.”

I didn’t want to ask why. Don’t ask why.

“Why?” I breathed.

His eyes flashed. “Because if you don’t, I can’t promise you’ll wake up alive. What I did to you in my office was nothing. I have no control when someone touches me, so make sure you don’t.”

My heart stopped. The way he said it so matter-of-fact chilled me to the bone. He wasn’t dramatizing it—it just simply was.

I tried to hide my fear, locking it away beneath iron-willed control. “Okay.”

 “This agreement between us is to fulfill one need only. And I don’t need the uncertainty of you being able to touch me whenever you damn well please.” He looked sleek and ruthless. A thrill shot through me.

“What makes you think I want to touch you willingly?”

He frowned, clenching his jaw. “I don’t care. This way, you can’t.”

We glared at each other. Coming forward, he overpowered me as his persona changed from angry owner to interested predator. My breath quickened in response.

In one fast move, Fox grabbed the sheet hiding my legs and tore it off. I flinched in shock, but didn’t care about modesty; all I cared about was the desolate resolution in his eyes.

“I’ve wanted you since I set eyes on you, and I’m going to take you.”

His large hands grasped my hips and flipped me over. I cried out as he propped me on hands and knees with effortless strength. “I made another promise I can’t keep,” he murmured, dragging his nose along my spine. “I thought I could do it, but it’s not possible.”

His hot breath tingled my back as he reached below and grabbed my breast with harsh fingers.

I shuddered, cursing my body warming for him, melting for him. I should hate the roughness, the lack of humanity in his touch, but he’d ignited the dynamite in my blood with his harsh, unloving commands.

“What promise?” I whispered, already panting.

His fingers hooked onto the sides of my knickers, pulling them down my hips until they rested around my knees on the bed. He groaned as he pushed my legs apart, exposing me.

My head lolled forward as he climbed behind me. The rustle of clothing being removed made my mouth go dry and my heart stop beating.

His finger traced the crack of my ass, dipping lower, following my heat until he found wetness. “Fuck me,” he muttered before swirling the tip of his finger around my entrance. “God, you’re wet.”

My back bowed; my limbs trembled. I’d gone from tense to needing him in one second flat. The tip of his finger entered me before swirling back up to press against my clit.

“I promised I’d make you enjoy fucking me as much as I’d enjoying fucking you.” He bent over, smothering my back with his torso. His teeth grazed my neck as the thick hardness of his cock nudged my core. “To do that I’d have to touch you. I’d have to let my guard down. I don’t have the strength.”

One hand grabbed a fistful of hair, jerking my neck back while another secured my hip, pinning me in place. His erection rocked against my outer flesh, hot and hard.

I wasn’t ready.

I’m not ready.

Fear lit up my heart and I wiggled, trying to dislodge his hold. “Wait. No—”

“I’m sorry, dobycha,” he groaned, thrusting violently, coldly, viciously into me. My elbows gave way and I fell headfirst into the pillow. My bound hands couldn’t support me.

Everything burned. Everything hurt.

I gasped for breath, sucking in material as the searing, frightening pain of being taken violently made me cry out. Hot tears were absorbed instantly by the pillow as Fox rammed into me again. He lost himself, turning inhuman as he rode me. My scalp screamed where he held me captive by my hair.

Gone was the lust; the sparks of need in my blood. All I felt was used and nothing more than trash.

I bit my lip till I drew blood as he withdrew, only to slam into me again. “Yes. Fuck.” He sounded far away, no longer with me mentally.

His fingers gripped my hips, holding me in place as he savagely thrust. Every pound sent shockwaves of agony through me. His hipbones dug into my ass, adding more bruises to the internal ones.

If there was any blessing in being taken so horribly, it was how soon it was over. Fox thrust harder and harder, driving me deeper and deeper into the pillow. He filled me to the brink until I thought I’d split in two.

But then he froze, jetting hot wetness deep inside me, groaning. The second the last pulse of his release filled me, he pulled out and climbed off the bed.

My entire body trembled with adrenaline and unhappiness. I didn’t dare move until the sound of the bedroom door opened and closed, as Fox left me. With a ragged gasp, I flopped to my side and curled into a tight ball.

The stickiness of his come smeared my inner thighs, and the chain cuffs dug into my wrists, but I couldn’t bring myself to move.

I couldn’t bring myself to think or curse or run.

Yet again life proved I was an idiot. A greedy money-grubber who thought she could see something dark and troubled in a man. Who believed in the fundamental goodness of people enough to let herself be used and tossed away.

It’d happened before. It’d happened again. I hadn’t learned my lesson.

I lay with my eyes wide open, watching the slow journey of the sun from sunrise to high noon to sunset. I couldn’t bring myself to think how to fix this or even to think of Clara.

I’d besmirched myself, tarnishing my hope with reality.

Fuck two hundred thousand dollars. Fuck him.

When twilight fell and I’d had enough of wallowing in the filth I’d created, I stood gingerly and hobbled to the bathroom.

Avoiding looking in the mirror, I focused on the silver around my wrists. With gritted teeth, I yanked them with all my strength, sweating with effort until a link pried open, allowing me to get free.

I couldn’t remove the necklace or belly chain, but at least my hands were free. Free to shower, get dressed, and walk out the fucking door.

Obsidian Fox had messed with the wrong girl. I would leave, then I would come back and make him regret ever hurting me.

I would teach him that even though he might be haunted, it gave him no right, none, to hurt others.

I would be his nightmare.