Текст книги "Charade"
Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn
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~CHAPTER THIRTEEN~
Colt
“Colt. Man, that chick from the party is here for you,” Adrian yells through my bedroom door.
Shit. Just what I’m not in the mood for today—dealing with the Princess. I’m a little surprised though. I didn’t expect to see her again. I don’t know how I feel about her being here now.
I open the door.
“I didn’t want to let her in, in case you weren’t alone.”
“Though you didn’t mind risking whoever I might be in here with knowing someone else was here for me?”
Adrian winks. “Only because party girl seems different.”
“Her name is Cheyenne.” I don’t know why in the hell I just said that. Pushing around Adrian I head for the door. “You closed the door on her? You fucker.”
A laugh is his only reply. I pull the door open. She looks different than usual—her hair is a tied back and she’s wearing faded shorts and a t-shirt. This doesn’t look like the kind of clothes she’d ever let someone see her in. I don’t know why, but it makes my skin feel tight.
“Back to give me more shit?” I ask, leaning my hand against the doorframe.
“No. I came to tell you its over.” Her voice cracks slightly.
“Shit,” I ground out. “Let’s go in my room. I don’t like other people in my business.”
I’m surprised when Cheyenne pushes past me. I ignore the room full of people who watch as we walk by. “Last room on the right.” Once we’re in, I close the door behind us.
“It’s really clean in here…and white.” She has her back to me.
“What? A guy like me can’t like his shit clean?” I don’t care how I look, but I like my stuff to be in order.
“The rest of the house was trashed.”
“I don’t have control over the rest of the house. I doubt you came here to talk about my white sheets though.” I lean against the old desk in my room. Mom got for me at a yard sale, all stoked because she knew I’d need somewhere to do my homework.
“I already told you what I came here to say. It’s over. The charade.”
I laugh and scratch my head. “Yeah I figured that out when you got all pissed at me the other day and then didn’t give me my next assignment.”
Which should be a fucking blessing to me, but for some reason, I find myself annoyed about it. “You still owe me money though. I played your little game for a few days.”
Cheyenne snaps her head toward me. For a second, I think she might cry, but instead she rips open her purse. “How much do you need, Colt? Is this enough?” She tosses a wad of cash at me. “Or do you want my credit card too?” The plastic rectangle bounces off the wall as she throws it. “Is there anything else I can give you? What else do you want from me!” she screams.
I have no idea what the hell is going on here, but it’s obvious something’s up.
“Feel free to take it all!” I dodge her purse that flies at my head. She’s not crying, but it looks like she wants to. Her chest rises and falls with big surges. Something twists in my gut.
“Hey. Is it me or did we just step into the Twilight Zone or something?” I take a step toward her. The look of rage—or pain, maybe both– in her eyes slices through me. “What’s wrong?” Another step.
“You mean besides the fact that my mom is dead, I didn’t know and I’ve hated her for years? Nothing,” she snaps, her voice like acid.
Those words slam into me like nothing else she could have said. Nothing else anyone could have said. My body wants to tense up and slacken at the same time. “Fuck,” I run a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry.”
I’m not good with words. I’ve never cared about it before, but in this moment, I wish I knew what else to say.
Cheyenne shrugs. “It’s not like you did it. Can’t change it now.” Another shrug. “So yeah. I blamed her for leaving me, wanted to prove I didn’t care about anyone else leaving me again, when the whole thing was a lie. Needless to say, I don’t need that anymore.”
Her words grate on me the wrong way. She wants them to be real, but like everything else she does, they’re fake. “So…you’re all tough then? You’re just pretending this isn’t a big deal? Eh, I found out my mom’s dead, but I’m just going to go about my business.”
“You smug son-of-a-bitch.” She tries to slap me, but I grab her wrist. Like always she didn’t hold back. It was a full swing. “Don’t do that. You’re not better than I am, hiding behind the fact that you’re an asshole.”
“There’s a difference because I’m not in denial about it.” The way her eyes dim, sad and acknowledging my words, does something to me. I feel them on me…in me. It’s fucking ridiculous and I’m the last one who should be consoling this girl, but I grab her hand and pull her to me. “Come here.”
She comes. Her arms wrap around my neck and mine around her waist. She feels small—smaller than usual, but soft and feminine tucked against me. “Life’s shitty sometimes.”
I expect her to cry. Wait for it. Mom’s always been a crier. Real emotional about stuff, but there’s no wetness seeping through my shirt from where her head rests on my shoulder.
No sniffling or shakes. Just…nothing.
Damn, this girl is shutdown tight. Which I should be thankful for, that way I don’t have to deal with it. I find myself running my hand up and down her back though. Her grip on my neck tightens, the only sign I have she’s comprehending anything.
“Your mom…what’s wrong with her?”
Her question is a vise-grip, squeezing the life out of me. “Cancer. What else?”
“I’m sorry,” she says, looking up at me.
“Me, too.”
She dips her head and I know what she’s going to do before she does it. Her lips brush against my neck and I squeeze her waist. Christ, this is fucking dumb. All kinds of dumb, but I don’t pull away when her lips skate over my throat again.
I don’t let myself think, but tilt her head up and take her lips. I’m not slow about it either. I’m hungry, needy for her. My tongue pushes into her mouth. A little groan escapes from the back of her throat and damn it turns me on.
Her nails dig into my skin and it only spurs me on more. I kiss her deeper, studying every part of her mouth. With my lips on hers, nothing else matters, but what we’re doing. I lift her up and her legs wrap around my waist. Stumbling, I walk to the bed, our mouths never parting.
Cheyenne makes a little “umpf” when we fall onto the bed, but she’s still kissing and I’m still kissing her and all I can think is that I want more. I’m not stupid. I know what this is. She wants to forget about her mom and I like the way she feels and I’ve wanted to know how she tastes. Knowing should make me stop, but I’ve never really been that kind of guy, so I keep going.
My mouth slides down her neck. My tongue licking that little hollow spot I didn’t realize until this second, I wanted to taste. Cheyenne’s hands are in my hair as I keep kissing my way down.
I push the top of her t-shirt down, taking my tongue across the swells of her breasts. I move far enough away that I can push her shirt up this time. Her bra is satin, but still not as smooth as her skin. I cup one breast, teasing the other through the fabric.
I’m on fire. Inside and out. My hand moves to the top of her pants. Before I go any farther, I look up at her. The heartbreak on her face—the pain in her eyes, douses my wildfire.
Fuck. What the hell am I doing? I sit up and pull away from her. I ache from wanting her so fucking bad, but I say, “We need to chill out.”
If anything, my words make the darkness in her eyes worse.
Cheyenne pushes off the bed, fixing her shirt as she goes. “I gotta go.”
“You don’t have to.” I shrug, wondering where in the hell those words came from.
“Yeah, I do.” She grabs her purse. I get up and start grabbing the money and cards she threw on the ground.
“I…” she shakes her head.
“It’s cool,” I tell her. “We all lose it sometimes.”
“Not me. Not anymore.” Cheyenne takes the card and walks out.
~CHAPTER FOURTEEN~
Cheyenne
I stay in bed most of the next day. Andy asks me what’s wrong a million times, but I tell her nothing. I don’t even know how to explain it if I wanted to. Which I don’t. Not to her. Not to Colt, which is why I regret what I said to him, or even to myself. I was with Gregory for two years and he never saw that side of me. Never saw me lose it. Never knew how I felt about anything. I got good at the game, but somehow let my guard down with Colt. I hate it.
I want to forget. That’s all. Things are never what they seem to be anyway. The past ten years of my life have been a farce that I let control me too much. Just like my relationship with Gregory had been a farce. I’m not making the same mistakes again. My eyes sting because I can’t sleep. I’ve never really loved the dark, but now I hate it more. Was it dark for her? Did she die right away? Did—stop! I face the mirror and finish putting on my eyeliner
“How are you? Anything new with boyfriend number two?” Andy asks. At least it’s better than her questions all Saturday and Sunday.
I make myself smile because it’s one of the things I can control. There are so few of them out there I plan to cling to the ones I can. “No, Colt and I broke up.”
“That’s too bad. He’s hot. Way hotter than the other guy.”
My skin suddenly tingles remembering his hands on me—his mouth. My toes curl in my sandals, but I straighten them out. He snoozed, and now he’ll lose.
“Eh, he’s okay.”
Andy laughs. “And you’re straight up lying. You know that man is better than okay.”
“You should date him, if you like him so much.”
“I’m spoken for, remember?”
Yeah, I do. I don’t know why I said that. I turn to face her. “What’s going on this weekend? Do you know?”
Andy shrugs. “I know about an off-campus party. We’re planning on hitting it up. You’re welcome to come if you want.” She pulls off her shirt and pulls on another tee.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I need a good time.” Something churns in my stomach, but I ignore it the same way I tell Aunt Lily I’m fine every time she calls.
“Nice.” Andy picks up her bag and opens the door. She walks partway out, but then turns to face me. “You sure you’re okay? You’re all smiley, but…you’ve been tossing and turning the last two nights. When you do sleep…you cry.”
I drop the eyeliner I forgot was in my hand. My insides tremble. My heart cracks, but I push myself into another smile. “It’s fine. I got in a fight with my aunt, but everything’s better now.”
So now I know there are two places I can’t hide: when I’m sleeping or when I’m with Colt.
***
The next two days pass in a fog. I laugh where I should and talk where I should. I even smile too, but none of it feels real. Lily calls so much I start to ignore her.
“Hello, Chey,” Gregory says as we walk out of class.
“Hi.”
He squints. “Wow. I didn’t think you’d be so normal when I spoke to you.”
I shrug. “I’m over it.” Looking at him, I wonder why I let him get under my skin so much. Why us breaking up or him screwing Red had such a huge effect on me. I wasn’t dead in the woods. All I did was lose a boyfriend.
Smiling at him, I try to keep walking. “Wait,” he steps in front of me.
“I have to go. I don’t want to be late for class.”
But I don’t go to class. I go back to my room to try and sleep before Andy gets back.
***
“Hey.” Colt steps up next to me, while I’m walking to the coffee house on Thursday.
My heart drops off for a couple beats and then picks up again. “Hey.” I keep walking and so does he.
“You ignore all your ex-boyfriends like this?”
He called a few times yesterday. I’m surprised he’s trying at all. I’m not really sure why he would, but him being here is like he’s picking at the edge of a sticker. Using his nail to peel back a layer of me that I can’t handle removing.
“So that’s how it is? I play your game and then you ignore me?”
I want to ask him why he cares. What he’s going to get out of this. But then, I guess a part of me knows. We have death between us. Mine from the past and his lingering in the future. “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just in a hurry.”
He stops walking. “Whatever you have to tell yourself, Princess.”
I am going to kill him! I cross my arms and plant my feet. “Stop. Calling. Me. Princess.”
Colt grins. It’s strange because he’s this tattooed, messy-haired guy who wears faded jeans and t-shits. One look at him and you can tell he doesn’t take shit—that life hasn’t been easy and he’s scarred because of it. But when he smiles? Really smiles, it’s perfect. Like toothpaste commercial, boy-next-door beauty that makes it really hard to be pissed at him.
And I also know I just did exactly what he wanted me to do. I reacted. I don’t want to react anymore, but I can’t seem to help it. “Why are you doing this?”
“I’m just talkin’. What’s wrong with that?”
“You know what I mean.”
He shrugs and the confusion in his eyes makes me wonder if maybe he doesn’t know either.
“Colt! Get the fuck over here, man. You got ten seconds or I’m leaving!” Adrian sits in car on the street.
“Bastard,” Colt mumbles. “Go get your coffee. You’re even pissier when you don’t have caffeine.”
I can’t even get mad because he’s smiling as he says it.
For the first time in maybe ever, when we walk away, we’re not mad. One isn’t stalking away from the other. We walk away separate, but together.
***
I have no idea whose house we’re at. All I know is the music is loud, the place is packed and there’s plenty of alcohol, much of which I have partaken in. The tingle of my buzz zips around inside me, taking out all of the thoughts I don’t want to have.
I lost Andy a while ago, but this time I don’t care. I’m dancing, drinking and not caring who or what’s around me.
I feel someone slide up behind me, a hand on my waist. I turn around and Gregory is standing there.
“I don’t remember saying you can touch me,” I hiss.
“Aw, come on, Chey. We’re just dancing.”
“Where’s Red?” He doesn’t move his hand so I shimmy out of his reach.
Gregory’s forehead wrinkles, but then he catches on. “Maxine? I’m not with her. We were just messing around. You’ve always been the one I want.” He steps closer to me again, his mouth right up against my ear. “We’re good together, honey. You know that. I screwed up, but I won’t do it again.”
My world is spinning, partly from alcohol, but also because of Gregory’s words. I should want this. Want him. I can be normal with him and forget about Mom’s body in the woods, all the tears I’ve cried and even about Colt. I look at him, wondering if he could make it all go away. If I can go back to pretending. Gregory smiles and my stomach aches. No, he couldn’t. He hurt me, and I can’t trust him. Maybe it’s a male thing. Maybe none of them can be trusted.
“I have to go.” I jerk away from him and weave my way through the mass of people. The music suddenly feels too loud, almost echo-y. The spins suck me in a vortex worse than I’ve ever felt.
“Chey! Wait.”
I keep walking and so does Gregory. When he grabs my hand I try to pull away, but can’t, so I keep going, dragging him with me. I need air.
“Who are you looking for, little girl? Did you lose your mama?” The man’s breath stinks like alcohol and something else that I can’t place. I try to pull free from his grasp, but can’t.
Panic starts to pop and explode inside me, starting off like the small fireworks you do at home, but each one is bigger and bigger like the finale in New York.
Let go of me! I don’t know if I say it out loud. If I’m talking to Gregory or my past. I just need out.
I fall out the door and into the yard. My chest squeezes the air, the life out of me. I try to pry my fingers open as they fist. My nails dig into the palm of my hand. “Get off me!” This time I know the words come out. I fall on the ground. Gregory falls with me. I kick and scream, trying to get away from him.
I can’t see. I’m lost in a fog.
“Chey? What the hell? What’s wrong with you? I just want to talk.” Gregory.
I can’t hold down the panic. It’s taking me over, a chameleon changing me. “Go away.”
“Colt!” I hear someone yell.
“I’m trying. You have my fucking shirt!” Gregory screams. There’s a grunt and he’s gone. I scramble to my feet, still feeling like there’s a rock on my chest.
“Come with me. I’ll help you find your mama.” Loud music. It’s still so loud.
Colt’s fist flies through the air and slams into Gregory’s face.
“What the fuck?! I didn’t do anything to her!”
And he didn’t. Not really. But I can’t take it. The yard closes in on me, locking me in. Trapping me. Baring weight on top of me.
I can’t stop myself. I turn and run.
~CHAPTER FIFTEEN~
Colt
I watch as Cheyenne’s ex falls to the ground, grabbing his jaw.
“I don’t give a shit what you think. You’re close to her when she doesn’t want you there, so you’re doing something. Stay the fuck away from her.”
My hand hurts. I’m breathing hard, itching for him to do something else so I can hit him again.
“You know she can’t really want you, right? She’s just trying to make me jealous.”
Fuck if he isn’t dead on, but that doesn’t matter. “Think what you want, Pretty Boy. All I know is if she tells me you laid one hand on her she didn’t want, I won’t stop next time.” Greg dusts himself off, gives me one more dirty look before walking away.
Adrian steps up beside me, so I turn to him. I look around. There are only a few people in the yard. I know she’d freak out if too many people saw. “Good lookin’ out, man.” He’d been outside with some chick and called for me. “Where is she?”
He nods his head. “Over there. I think she went behind that shed.”
“Damage control and then meet me at the car.”
I run over to the shed. Each step I take I wonder what the hell I’m doing. This girl isn’t my problem. I played her little game with her and now it’s over. Still, I creep around the back of the small building and when I see her huddled on the ground, I don’t turn away.
“Hey…it’s me.” Fuck. She probably doesn’t just recognize my voice in the dark. “Colt.” I don’t want her to trip out. Something serious has happened to this girl. I don’t know who she is, but she’s not who I thought.
“Go away.”
I smirk. No matter what happens to her she still doesn’t have a problem being pissed at me. “Not gonna happen.”
I bend down. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do or not, but I touch her shoulder. My hand starts to tremble from her. She’s shaking like fucking crazy. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here.”
Another shiver wracks her whole body. It vibrates through me. Can she even walk? “I’m going to pick you up, okay? Don’t kick my ass.” I’m hoping for a laugh that I don’t get. She doesn’t tell me to go to hell either, so I figure I’m safe.
I scoop her up. Her shaky arms wrap around me. She buries her face in my neck. “Maybe you should kiss me. That way if anyone sees us they’ll think you want me too much, I had to carry you so I could get you alone faster.”
With that, I feel wetness on my throat. It’s not from her mouth. A little whimper sneaks out of her lips and she’s shaking in a different way now. She’s crying and somehow I know that’s a huge deal for her.
“I got you. We’re good. Let’s get you out of here.”
I sneak her out the back gate so we don’t run into anyone else. Adrian is already in his car, on the street. I manage to open the back door and get in without letting go of her. I don’t have time to wonder what I’m doing or why I feel okay doing it. I can’t do shit for anyone else in my life, but maybe I can help make this okay.
Adrian drives. Leaning forward I kiss the top of her head. I feel her shaking as she cries, but no sounds come out. She’s locked up so tight and I both respect her for protecting herself and want to set her free at the same time. “It’s okay. We’re good.”
“Home?” Adrian says from the driver’s seat.
“Yeah.”
He doesn’t ask what’s up and I don’t offer, mostly because I have no fucking clue. Just let him drive while she cries and I kiss her head like it’s a real fucking thing to do.
By the time we get to my house, her body’s still. I’m pretty sure she fell asleep.
Adrian opens the car door, then lets us in the house. When I get to my room, I lay her down in my bed, take off her shoes and pull up the white sheets and comforter she seemed to be so surprised by last time she was here. Like I thought, she’s out. When I pull away and turn to walk out, she whispers, “Don’t go.”
Those words dart around inside me, cracking parts of my insides. “I don’t belong in here with you.” She’s obviously got shit going on and I have nothing to give. Hell, I don’t even want to give to anyone.
“Please…I…” she doesn’t open her eyes, but nuzzles into my pillow. Streaks of makeup run down her face, the only sign she cried. That was huge for her. So was asking me to stay.
“Fuck.” I close my bedroom door and kick off my shoes before climbing in bed with her. I pull her back to my chest and wrap my arm around her. I’ve held girls like this before. I’m not a saint and there have been plenty of women in my bed, but this is the first time the girl hasn’t been naked. The first time I’m not just doing my duty after having sex with someone.
“Go back to sleep,” I whisper. My voice is almost as shaky as her limbs were.
“Tomorrow…don’t remind me I said this. I won’t want to talk about it, but tonight…keep me safe.”
Her words knock the air out of me like getting slammed in the chest. “You’re safe with me.” Which is probably the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever told.
***
She hasn’t moved for over an hour besides her chest going up and down, her breasts pressing against her shirt. Trying to go slow so I don’t wake her up, I pull my arm from around her and get out of bed.
And stand there.
Cheyenne doesn’t move, so I figure I’m safe and sneak out of the room. I have to piss and my mouth is dry as hell. After taking care of my business, I head to the kitchen. Adrian’s sitting at the table, his feet up and a pipe in his hand.
“Want some?” he asks.
“Nah.” Pot isn’t really my thing. It’s a means to an end, is all. Instead of going back to my room, I fall into the other mismatched chair at our kitchen table. I don’t know why. I don’t really want to talk and I know Adrian will open his big mouth, but I’m sketchy about going back to Cheyenne too.
“That was pretty fuckin’ intense.” Adrian crosses his arms.
“No shit.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
I pause, trying to think of how to answer. She just found out her mom is dead, which has to be eating her alive, but there’s more to it than that. More than Gregory and all the other stuff. I just don’t know what it is. “Not sure.” I shrug.
“Are you doing her?”
“Fuck off.” Like that’s any of his business.
“That’s what I thought.” Adrian pushes to his feet.
“What does that mean?”
He sighs and sits back down. “I don’t know. You’re different with her. You’re feelin’ her, I can tell, but not the same way it was with Deena and other girls. You wouldn’t have hesitated to answer that question about anyone else. Which is cool. I’m just surprised.”
I shake my head. Adrian’s always like this. He smokes more weed and parties more than anyone I know, but he’s never afraid to put shit out there. He has some sort of sixth sense when it comes to stuff, so I’m not shocked at all by his words. “I don’t really know her, man, to be feelin’ her or not.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that you are.”
True. A guy would have to be blind not to want her. She’s gorgeous with all that shiny dark brown hair and melted caramel skin. She’s got pouty lips and knows how to use them. Yeah, I’d have to be crazy not to want her, but—“Things are screwed up for her. You saw her freak out and I sure as hell can’t give her more than a good time. She’s not the girl for that.”
Adrian laughs. “You asked?”
“You know I didn’t ask her.”
“Then you don’t know. And yeah things are messed up for her and your ass too, even though you never talk about it. Might do you both some good to find a way to forget about that for a while.”
He stands and I don’t plan on saying anything to get him to stay this time. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. She may have shit on her plate, but she’s still a princess and I’m definitely not a prince. Don’t want to be either.
Adrian kicks my chair to get my attention. “Plus, you’ll have a whole hell of a lot of fun in the process.”
I ignore him and we both walk out of the room—him toward the door and me back to my bedroom. Once I’m inside I close the door, pull my shirt over my head and toss it to the floor. Cheyenne’s curled in a little ball, her hair splayed out on my pillow, her dark and it white. Like I said, a guy would have to be blind not to want her and I’m definitely not blind. We both have too much drama for it to be anything more than that.
Ready to pass out, I climb over her and into my bed. She whimpers, her body jerking slightly. On autopilot I pull her close like I did earlier. “Shh, baby. It’s just me.” She doesn’t make another sound, but she grabs my arm. I close my eyes and go to sleep.
