Текст книги "A Real Disaster"

Автор книги: Molly Ryan

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Chapter Fourteen

 “Oh my God. You should've told somebody. You are a victim and you shouldn't have had to take that. No one should!”

“I know that now. I was so young at the time I was scared. I wish all young girls that get in my situation go to the authorities right away. Nobody should be doing that to anybody.”

“Does Nash know any of this?” Sabrina asked finally.

I shook my head.

“No, of course not. How could I tell him something like this? He wouldn’t look at me the same way. No one ever does when they find out this stuff. That’s why I tend to keep everything a secret. I don’t want to be treated differently. I don’t want people look at me with pity. I just want to be normal.”

“You are normal,” Elizabeth said. “This… Whatever happened to you, doesn’t affect whether or not you’re normal. You’re a victim Lily. You didn’t ask for this. Whoever thinks that somehow you allowed this is stupid.”

I was relieved that neither of the girls turned away from me. I wouldn’t know how to handle it if they did. They were the closest friends I had here and I didn’t want to ruin that.

“But you should talk to Nash,” Sabrina said. “Maybe not tell him the whole story but tell him something. Don’t keep shutting him out because you’re scared. He doesn’t want to hurt you.”

“How do you know?”

I looked at Sabrina, convinced she wasn’t paying attention. Her head was down and she was fiddling with her phone.

“Sabrina?”

“I know that Nash has some type of reputation as a heartbreaker but trust me, he’s not as horrible as people make him out to be,” she said, finally looking back up at me. “Deep down, he cares more about people than they realize.”

 “How do you know all of this about Nash and Turner?” I questioned.

Sabrina seemed to know Nash and Turner better than she let on.

But why?

How?

“I… It’s not important,” Sabrina said, brushing off my question. “I just know them, both of them.”

The more she evaded the question, the more I was itching to know.

“Tell me,” I pushed. “You seem to know them a lot more than just meeting them a year ago. Come on, I won’t tell either of them what you said.”

“It doesn’t matter how,” Sabrina said, her eyes narrowing. “Stop pushing it, Lily, okay? Just drop it.”

I opened my mouth to argue but I knew it would be no use. Sabrina wasn’t going to tell me at all. Whatever secret she was keeping I knew she would take it to her grave.

Maybe I could ask Turner… Turner had to know the answer that I was so desperately seeking.

“Okay, I’ll stop,” I said and Sabrina looked at me with surprise.

I figured she was waiting for more arguing, more complaining on my part. I was just going to have to get the answers from another source.

“So are you going to talk to Nash?” Elizabeth asked.

“No.”

The light mood vanished and I was back to facing my own dilemma.

“I can’t. I don’t know what to say.”

There was a knock on the door and I frowned. I wasn’t expecting anyone and I didn’t think Sabrina was either.

“Well you better think of something quick because there’s your knight in not-so-shining armor.”

I looked at my roommate, panicking.

“What did you do?” I whispered as there was another knock on the door. “I told you that I didn’t want to speak to him! Now what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Look, I know you don’t want to speak to him. But I also know that you like him a lot and you’re just scared. You don’t want to get hurt and I get that but you can’t run from this forever.”

After the third knock on the door Sabrina sat up straight.

“Come in,” Sabrina called and the door swung open.

My hands were clammy and all of a sudden my throat was dry. I tried to ignore the gnawing in my stomach as I stared at him. Sabrina stood up and took Elizabeth by the hand.

“Come on Lizzie, we have to go get some nail polish and stuff.”

She gave me a meaningful look.

“See you two later.”

Sabrina and Elizabeth disappeared into the hallway and closed the door behind them, trapping me in the small space with Nash.

What was I going to do? What was I going to say? He was staring at me. I had to say something.

“Hey there,” Nash said. His voice was soft and tentative.

“Sabrina said you wanted to talk.”

“I guess,” I bit out and then hung my head. “I do want to talk… I just don’t know what to say. Or how to say it?”

“Say what?”

“I don’t know, that’s the problem,” I wailed, throwing up my hands.

Nash took a slow step towards me and reached out his hand until it clasped mine.

“Why are you here? I told you that I needed you to leave me alone. I can’t be around you, not right now and maybe not ever. You… You make me feel too much.”

“Why is feeling a bad thing?” Nash asked.

“Because you make me feel vulnerable. Like there is a chance that I can be a normal girl.”

“But you are normal.”

“And what if I’m not? What if you know nothing about me and you only think you do? What if there’s this whole other side of me… A dark side… That I’m hiding?”

“I know all that I have to know about you,” Nash said. “I know that you’re beautiful, smart, witty, and tough. I know that you’ll be the one who keeps me in line and yet keeps letting me know how much she loves me. I know that, even if you put up a tough front, all you want to do is be loved. This is all I need to know about. The supposed dark side, the stuff you don’t want to tell me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about your past, whatever it may be. You’re here, today, right now, that’s the only person I need. It’s the only person I want.”

“I’m just no fun.”

“Yeah you are. We can have fun together. I want to enjoy warm nights with you walking through campus. I want to take you to my concerts and be able to look at you while I’m playing. I… I want you, period.”

How easy it would be to let myself be swept up with Nash. I could picture us, the two of us, walking around hand and hand. I could picture waking up next to him and having some breakfast in the early morning sun wearing nothing but his button down shirt. I could picture it all and it all seemed so… Perfect.

But there was no real perfection.

Things wouldn’t stay like that. One day everything would fall to pieces, just like my past, and I would be left with a shattered heart in my hands. It already happened once and we weren’t even dating. What happens if it happened again after we were involved? It was a chance that I wasn’t sure I wanted to take.

But if I didn’t take a chance with my life who would?

“Please,” Nash begged. “I know that I fucking screwed up and I know that you don’t trust me but, please, just give me another chance. Let me prove to you that I can be the guy you want… No…Deserve to have.”

“Okay,” I whispered, finally relenting. “I’ll give you another chance.”

Nash turned me to him and tilted my head up with his two fingers. His lips pressed against mine, neither hesitant nor pushy. He was giving me the chance, the option. I would set the mood and pace.

The dampness of my mound greatened with the touch of our lips and I shifted, halting our kiss only to pull my shirt from my body. Nash did the same and then my bra was gone. Wrapping his well-toned arms around me, Nash pulled me close until our bare chests were touching. I moaned and Nash nibbled my ear lobe before sucking on the sensitive skin right behind it. I moaned again and my hands found the button of Nash’s jeans. My heart hammered and my hands trembled as I tried to pull the button free. Nash trailed kisses from my ear down my neck, stopping to tease his tongue against my collar bone. His hands worked my pants and underwear down until they were pooled in a pile around my ankles. I shifted, releasing my ankles from their shackles.

“Nash,” I gasped as his fingers found my sweet, throbbing clit.

“Yes,” he said to me. “What do you want?”

“I want…” I panted.

Now Nash was rubbing my clit with his fingers, slowly, tantalizing me as he stared at me.

“Tell me what you want,” Nash said. “I want…”

I couldn’t think, let alone come up with a coherent sentence. As Nash played with me with one hand, he slid his own pants and boxers down, kicking them away from us.

“Nash!” I growled in frustration.

His pressure against my clit grew and a knot of delight tightened in the base of my stomach.

“Please Nash.”

“Not until you tell me what you want,” he said, even though he knew exactly what I wanted; what I needed. “So tell me... Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

Putting my hand over his, I tried to push his fingers in, but he resisted, keeping me on the edge. I was wound tighter than a brand new guitar and I was teetering at the edge with no hope of falling over into a flood of release.

“Nash,” I whimpered as I tried again, in vain, to get him to help me over the edge.

“No,” Nash said fiercely. “Not until you tell me exactly what you want.”

He’s was trying to kill me! He was trying to drive me mad with unresolved passion. I paused, staring at him through passion filled haze.

Fuck this.

I pulled myself away from him. He paused, momentarily surprised, and I used that time to push him down onto his back, his erection standing stiff and straight.

“What the-”

The rest of his words were cut off as I swung my leg around him and straddled his lean torso. I didn’t know exactly what I was doing but that didn’t stop me from trying. Gripping his hands and keeping them pinned above his head, I lowered myself onto him, pausing only to let my body get used to the new sensation. Now it was Nash that groaned. Leaning my body forward, I put my lips next to his ear.

“Tell me what you want,” I whispered as I ground against his penis, lifting my body up and back down.

Bracing my legs, I continued my rhythm as Nash thrashed about.

“I want to touch you,” he moaned, begged really.

“No,” I said with a wicked grin.

I was enjoying this far too much.

“No touching, only watching… While I touch.”

“And how are you going to stop me?” Nash challenged. “You can’t let go of me so you can’t touch yourself. You’re going to lose…”

“Oh God,” Nash murmured as I continued to grind on him. “God damn you’re sexy, Lily.”

I finally let go of Nash freeing his hands to grab my breasts. I slid one of my hands down my body and began to play with my own clit, pinching it and rubbing it. Heat built up in my body and my legs trembled.

“Fuck,” Nash moaned. “Come here, now.”

I shook my head even as my stomach clenched.

“Fuck yeah!. Keep going...”

He grabbed my breasts harder and rocked into to me taking complete control. With a guttural cry, I finally let myself go and shook as the orgasm overcame me. Seconds later Nash moaned and his body jerked.

 “Fuck,” he murmured, drowsily.

Nash pulled me close tucking me against his body. Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sweet oblivion.

* * *

Hours later my eyes opened and I saw Nash staring down at me, my hair twirled around his fingers.

“Hey there,” he whispered as he brushed his fingers over my cheek. “Sleep well.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “You?”

“Great now that you’re next to me.”

Nash rolled on his back and pulled me to him until my head was on his chest and I could hear his heart beating. Despite everything I said to Sabrina, and the drama that Nash and I had been through, I finally felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, or even the end of the week, but it felt right, now. I wanted to live in the moment, taking it one day at a time.

“Let’s go away this weekend,” Nash suggested. “Let’s go away and have some time together, just you and me. What do you say?”

“I can’t,” I murmured against his chest. “I have midterms to study for.”

“I’ll help you study for them and we can hang out. Come on.”

It sounded great. Actually, it sounded more than great; it sounded perfect.

“But my midterms. If I fail… My father will kill me and bring me back home on the first plane they can book me a seat on.”

“They can’t control you.”

“Yeah they can, I’d lose my scholarship and have nowhere to go but home.”

I looked at Nash, who was frowning.

“Well we can just stay here and study. I can help...”

He was actually serious about helping?

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“After my midterms,” I promised. “We can go somewhere. Okay?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

He kissed the top of my head and I felt my face warming. I let my eyes close once again. Sabrina was right; talking to Nash had been the best thing that I could have ever do.

Chapter Fifteen

When I opened my eyes, Nash was gone. Where he was once lying beside me was now cold and I was alone in the whole room. Panic seized me.

Where did he go?

Was I just a booty call to him?

Was I tricked?

I sat straight up, my heart pounding in my ears, and looked around. My eyes fell on a ripped piece of paper taped to my phone. Curious, I pulled the paper off and stuck it in front of my face, willing my eyes to focus on the words.

Dear Lily,

Before you go start thinking things that you shouldn’t be thinking, I didn’t run out on you. This wasn’t a one night stand and I’m not going to find another girl to lay tonight. My band called and they said they had some sort of emergency. They needed me right away and you looked so peaceful that I didn’t have the heart to wake you. I’m sorry.

I’ll call you later today since I know we have a lot to still talk about. And I’ll come by to help you study, like I promised. Let me know if you want to study at my place or your dorm. I’ll make us dinner.

Nash

As my heart fell back into its original rhythm, I settled back down and smiled. Nash and I were together. Who would have thought that would happen? I sure as hell didn’t but I wasn’t going to lie and say I didn’t like it or that I wasn’t excited. Tucking the note under my pillow, I pulled the blanket off of me and stood up.

Every step I took my muscles cried in protest. If I was going to get through the day I would need to start with a hot shower and some Advil. Oh and I couldn’t forget the coffee.

I wrapped my robe around me just as the door to the dorm opened and Sabrina came strolling in.

“Good morning there, sleepyhead,” Sabrina said. “Have a good night?”

“It was okay,” I said, keeping my face blank. “I’m surprised that you didn’t come back. How was your night?”

Sabrina shrugged and her eyes darted down. I knew that morning wasn’t a good time to be asking Sabrina any questions. If she wanted to tell me what was wrong she would.

“Did you sort everything out with Nash?”

Just his name sent shivers down my spine and blood to my cheeks. I couldn’t help but wonder if Sabrina could tell exactly what Nash and I did last night. I definitely hoped she couldn’t.

“Yeah, he thinks that everything will be okay.”

“And?”

“And I agreed,” I told her. “I told him that I would be willing to see what happened but that I wasn’t making any promises. I also told him that I was scared. He got that.”

“I knew he would. He’s that type of guy. He’s sweet and really cares. He’s also a bit full of himself but that’s only because there’s no one else around to compliment him or support him. Deep down, though, if you needed him he’s going to be there.”

Again I wondered how Sabrina knew Nash so well and I was itching to ask her.

But did I want to know the answer?

“I think I’m going to hang at his place tonight. He’s going to help me study for midterms and everything.”

“Sounds fun.”

 “Yeah... Well, I’m going to take a shower,” I announced. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Bringing my clothes with me, I crossed the room and down the hall into the shower. Thankfully it was still too early for anyone else to be awake and the bathrooms were empty. Tucking my clothes into the cubby, I hung my robe and towel on the peg and slipped into a shower stall. Turning the water on as hot as I could handle it, I let the drops pierce my skin like little knives, cutting me open and smoothing out all my aching muscles. Water fell on my hair, soaking it, and droplets trickled down my spine, hugging all my curves and crevices. After I lathered my hair with shampoo, I began to wash, closing my eyes, and as I washed, I thought about all the places Nash’s hands touched. My collar bone, my ribs, my breasts.

Suddenly the main door opened and I heard footsteps walking towards the locked stall that I was in. My eyes widened.

“Lily?” Sabrina knocked on the door. “Lily, are you okay? It’s been, like, an hour since you got into the shower. Did you pass out?”

“I’m fine,” I said, hating the quiver in my voice. “I’ll be out in a little bit.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. “Do I need to go get someone?”

 “No. I’m coming out now.”

Quickly rinsing my hair, I pulled all my toiletries into my carry-all and wrapped a towel around my body. I stepped out of the shower and bumped into Sabrina, nearly falling back. Thankfully Sabrina grabbed my arm, pulling me up and steadying me.

“Thanks.”

“You don’t look okay.”

I shook my head.

“I was just taking a long shower is all.”

“Good, thought something happened to you. Come on and get dressed, then the two of us can go get breakfast.”

“Sounds like a great plan,” I said and followed Sabrina back to the room.

* * *

If someone asked me what I learned the day after I had sex with Nash I wouldn’t be able to tell them. I wasn’t paying attention in any of my classes; my mind was drifting off to the gorgeous guy waiting for me to get back to my dorm. If I didn’t take notes, on autopilot none the less, I would have nothing to study from.

Finals week went by in a blur. Nash helped me study and I shuffled from class test to class test, every second wishing that I could be with Nash. Every text message he sent, sent a jolt of excitement through my body. Thankfully it was over and I could just be with Nash on my break.

As Nash I sat on the couch in my dorm’s common area, I thought about how my life had changed so quickly. I went from no friends to two really good friends in Sabrina and Elizabeth. I went from no guys wanting me to two. It was unbelievable.

“Hey Lily,” I heard someone say.

Before I could say something in response, a shadow loomed over us. I looked up and the heat in my body turned to ice as I saw Turner standing there, staring at the two of us.

“Turner, hey,” I said breathlessly. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” he said.

His words were slipped and dripped with cynicism.

“So what’s going on here? Rumor has it that you two are the new it couple...”

“It’s not-”

“Yeah we are,” Nash said, cutting me off.

“Cool, I just came to I’m cool with it.”

Turner turned to me and I could see the ice in his eyes.

“At least I know why you didn’t want to go out with me now. You know, you could have just been honest and told me. You didn’t have to lie.”

“I didn’t lie,” I said and glanced at Nash.

He had an amused expression on his face but I knew that he was listening to each and every word that came out of my mouth.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I see you as a good friend, Turner. Isn’t that good enough for you?”

“No, but it looks like it’s going to have to be. You’re not giving me much of a choice, are you?”

“I don’t think she is,” Nash said, responding for me yet again.

I didn’t mind him speaking for me as long as he didn’t become over controlling. I still wanted to do things myself.

“Turner, if you want to talk, we can go talk. But let’s not make a scene, okay? I don’t want people staring at us.”

“Yeah, otherwise get the fuck out of here! Go find another girl!” Nash shouted.

At that moment I figured Nash crossed the line. Everyone in the common area was now watching, waiting for a fight to break out. But to my surprise, and the disdain of everyone else, Turner turned away and stomped out, slamming the door behind him. There was a thick silence in the room while everyone looked from me to Nash. But finally the room slowly filled up with mindless chatter.

“Are you okay?” Nash asked.

I knew that he saw my pale face and shaking fists.

“Lily?”

“I’m fine,” I bit out.

“Just ignore him. He’s just angry because you don’t want to be with him. Plus, he hates me and that only makes it worse.”

I wasn’t sure that was the whole story...

“I’m fine,” I said again, this time softer. “Rain check?”

“Of course,” Nash said.

Chapter Sixteen

Clouds rolled in the sky, hovering over the college and threatening to open up. I hovered near the window, a blanket wrapped around my body, and watched as the clouds grumbled. Lightning flashed and I jumped, moving away from the window. I turned to watch Sabrina as she painted her nails. She blew on the fingers she just painted, her eyes never leaving my face.

“What’s going on?” she asked, climbing on top of my thin mattress.

I rested my head against the wall and yawned.

“Nothing, this weather just sucks.”

“Aw are you missing your little boyfriend?” she teased. “You didn’t get enough kisses or hugs before he left you?”

“Oh shut up. You’re just jealous because Nash is my boyfriend and not yours.”

Sabrina snorted.

“As if I want to deal with his baggage again.”

Again? Did she just say again? Sabrina went back to her nails but I couldn’t stop staring at her. What did she mean by again?

Did Sabrina date Nash? It seemed like she did…

“Sabrina,” I said, my voice sounding louder then I meant in the small room.

She jumped, painting her toe instead of the nail.

“What?” she said.

She glared at me as she tried to wipe the nail polish off the toe without smudging the nail.

“Do you mind not having a spastic moment? Now what are you squawking about?”

“Did you and Nash…” I bit my lip.

This was harder than I ever imagined.

“I mean… Were you and Nash…”

Sabrina through her head back and laughed.

“Are you asking me if I was Nash’s girlfriend?”

“Yeah, basically. You seem to know him really well and you said you didn’t want to deal with his baggage again. That kind of indicates…”

“I was never his girlfriend,” Sabrina said.

I almost smiled when Sabrina opened her mouth again and froze me to my spot.

“I made out with him is it.”

My heart stopped. .

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. It was at the beginning the school year.”

“But you didn’t tell me,” I repeated.

And neither did Nash.

Sabrina shrugged.

“I guess it just… Slipped my mind I guess.”

I wasn’t sure but it looked like Sabrina had a smile on her face as she finished up her toes.

“I have to go,” I muttered.

Throwing off the blanket, I grabbed a jacket and left the dorm room. I didn’t remember getting in the car or driving to Nash’s house. All I remembered was when I got to the front of the door. I banged against the wood, open palm. The rain splashed down on me, soaking my clothes and my hair.

I had to live up to Sabrina now.

“I know you’re in there, Nash,” I muttered. “Your car is in the drive way. You have to be home.”

I banged on the door again, my hand stinging with the contact.

“NASH!” I screamed. “NASH, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!”

Finally the door opened and Nash stood on the other side of the door in his boxers and for the first time I saw his muscular tattooed cover body in the light.

“What’s going on, Lily?” Nash said.

He rubbed one sleepy eye and then the other. It was only then that I realized he wasn’t at his gig.

“What happened to your gig?” I asked, momentarily thrown off the reason I went to his house.

“It got rained out,” he muttered. “What’s going on?”

“Did you sleep with Sabrina?”

“What? What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Sabrina. She said that she slept with you in the past. Is that true?” Nash’s brows furrowed and he frowned. “Nash!”

“Why did she tell you that she slept with me?” he asked, not answering the question.

“I asked you if you did. Did you sleep with her?”

“We made out,” he admitted. “Once. It was a drunken night after a party.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nash shrugged and grabbed my hand.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me something like this?”

“Because it didn’t mean anything. I barely remember it, I was so drunk. And honestly, I forgot that it happened until you just mentioned it.”

I pouted, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Seriously, Lily. It meant absolutely nothing. It’s not like we had sex. This isn’t a big fucking deal.”

I knew he had kissed other girls. I knew he had sex with other girls. However, Nash kissing Sabrina was the worst of all. I didn’t want to be getting her sloppy seconds.

“You could have told me. I felt like a fool when she told me.”

Nash pulled me close to him, getting me out of the rain.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you. But Lily… Are you really going to keep getting mad at me for my past? You know I’ve been with other girls. Is this going to continue to be a problem?”

I knew that the right answer, the only answer, was no. I wasn’t going to keep getting mad at him because of his past. But I couldn’t tell him something that I wasn’t sure of. Nash was my first real boyfriend and the only person I’ve had any experience with. Unless you count Turner. I didn’t like to think that Nash was with anyone else, or loved anyone else. I would admit it; I was jealous.

“I’m not mad at you. You have to give me some kind of leniency though. I’m all new at this dating thing.”

“I know and so am I. Now what do you say we get you out of these wet clothes?”

The gleam in his eye told me that he had more planned than just getting me warm.

All I did was smile and let him lead me into the house and down to his room.

* * *

“Come on I want to show you something,” Nash said.

I was sprawled out on his couch, in his sweats, watching a re-run of The Nanny. I cocked my head to the side, staring at him.

“But I’m comfortable Nash,” I complained.

The rain stopped overnight and the sun was peeking up through the trees. It was cold out but at least there was no more rain.

“And I’m warm. Do we have to go out?”

Nash laughed as he tugged me to my feet.

“I want to take you somewhere and show you something. Are you really going to argue with me?”

With a sigh I shook my head.

“Fine, I’ll go with you…” I said, kissing him.

* * *

I buckled in the car as he started the engine. Soon we were off, driving down the stretch of road. The road was empty and the air was cold against my cheeks. I let my arm hang out the window and smiled at the sunrise in front of us. Just me, Nash, and the sunrise; the perfect morning. Suddenly, Nash made a left, pushing me into the car door. I held on as the tires climbed over the rocky road.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” he promised. “Do you trust me?”

I was in the car with him, alone. It was the type of question that the answer didn’t actually matter. For the first time I wasn’t the littlest scared about being alone with a guy because of my past.

“Yeah, I trust you,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to know what’s going on.”

“You’ll see.”

Nash made another turn and drove down what looked like a deserted road before stopping and turning the car off.

“You told me that seeing the ocean and letting your toes curl in the sand was one of your biggest dreams. Right?”

“Right,” I said.

“Well, welcome to your dream.”

Nash climbed out of the car and I followed suit. He grabbed my hand and guided me through some trees before coming to an opening. The wind tickled my face, throwing my hair away from my neck. In front of me was nothing but land and ocean. The waves crashed onto land in a rolling motion as the sun rose higher. The beach was deserted, not even a seagull in sight. I slipped off my shoes, followed by my socks, and took a tentative step forward.

The sand was cold but felt like little balls underneath my feet. My feet sunk in and the sand trickled over my toes, rubbing up against each toe. I took another step forward, gasping at the new feeling. It didn’t matter that my hair was blowing in my face or that my feet were becoming numb from the cold.

“Want to go in the ocean?”

I never felt the ocean water against my feet and the thought of moving forward both exhilarated me and scared me. I nodded and reached for Nash but he took a step back.

“Aren’t you coming?” I asked and he shook his head again.

“It’s your dream...”

“But you’re part of it Nash.”

Nash was my whole dream, every single inch of it. The flitting thought grabbed my heart and squeezed.

I loved him.

I was in love with Nash.

Absolutely, one hundred percent in love with him.

I didn’t see it before because I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to make sure I was safe. I didn’t want to give my heart out.

“Come with me,” I urged. “Please?”

“But Lily-”

“I want you to come with me. I want to experience this with you.”

Nash hesitated but finally joined me. Together, hand in hand, we walked down the sand and to the edge of the surf. I waited as the wave broke and water hit my feet. I jumped back but the water got me again. It was like no matter how far away I got from the surf, the water always found my feet. It was…

Amazing.

“Lily?”

“I love you Nash,” I blurted out. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

I turned to Nash and saw that he was as white as the sand I was standing on.

“Nash?”

“We should go, Lily,” he said. “I don’t want you to be late for class.”

We had just got there and now we were already leaving. He turned on his heel and started back to the car, not even looking back to make sure that I was following him. Confused and defeated, I hung my head and started back behind him. What did I say that was so wrong? Was telling Nash that I loved him the wrong thing to do? Impulsive, sure. I would admit that. But shock ran over me when he didn’t say it back. Maybe he didn’t love me. Maybe…Maybe this was just a fling for him.

When I got to the car and finally climbed in, Nash had his eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel. I looked at him but he didn’t look back. Instead he started the car and we started back to my dorm which told me I did do something wrong since we came from his place.

I really screwed up.

The air in the car was thick with tension. Nash’s hands were so tight on the wheels that his knuckles were white.

“Nash?”

“What’s up Lily? Did you like the beach?”

“Y-Yeah, I… I thought it was great.”

“Well, I wanted you to be able to see it.”

He smiled at me but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Was he going to mention what I blurted out or was he going to pretend like it didn’t happen? I couldn’t take back the words and I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to. I did love Nash. We had things in common.