Текст книги "Taking Chances"

Автор книги: Molly McAdams

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 27 страниц)

The waitress took our drink orders and we ordered our food without even looking at the menu. This is where we always came on our girl’s day. We chatted about school, Konrad and Bree, if I planned to go back to school after this year ended, which I didn't, and started to talk about if I wanted a boy or a girl.

“Uh, Mom? I saw the baby's dad today.”

Her mouth formed an O, “Did you tell him?”

“No not yet, I thought I should probably tell you who he is first.”

“Well I don't see why you had to tell me first unless…do I know him?” Her eyes were large and she looked like she was holding her breath.

“Yeah. You could say that.”

Bree tried to cover her laugh with a cough and grabbed her iced tea to take a sip.

Like a band aid Harper, just rip it off. I took a deep breath and blurted out, “It's Chase.”

“Oh thank God!” Claire exclaimed and put a hand over her chest.

Bree spewed out her tea and my jaw dropped, as well as my spoon. “What?!” We screeched in unison.

She shushed us and looked around for a second before leaning over the table, “You have no idea how much of a relief this is.” She held up a hand to stop my question, “My son is in love with you Harper, he has been for a while now. That's why he doesn't come to the house on Sundays anymore. He came to us a month or so ago and said as long as you were with Brandon, he couldn't handle being around you anymore, said it was too hard.”

I swear my jaw dropped even more.

“When you said you were pregnant, I knew he was going to be devastated, but when you told me Brandon wasn't the daddy, I hoped it was Chase's. Don't get me wrong, I wish this wasn't happening to you two while you're so young and not married, but what's done is done. He'd even talked about maybe moving away after graduation. I knew he would do it if he found out you were having a baby, especially with some random guy.”

“Mom! Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know I was the reason he wasn't coming around, you must have hated me! Why did you let me move in?”

“Because we love you Harper. Just because he wasn't dealing with it well, doesn't mean Robert and I were going to stop loving you. Even if he did move away, that wouldn't have been your fault. Just his choice.”

“Holy crap.” I huffed and sunk into my seat.

“Ditto.” Bree chimed in.

“Harper sweetie,” Mom began, “You have got to tell him. If he finds out your pregnant from someone and doesn't know it's his. He'll be gone.”

I love him, I don't want him to leave. But his possible leaving has been stopping me all along. Claire was wrong, Chase would know it was his, but he'd still be gone. “He isn't going to want a baby, I can't take him walking away from me. I love him, this baby just proves that, but I'm terrified he will leave me one day. He's always doing that Mom, one day he's in love with me, the next few weeks he refuses to speak to me.”

“He stays away because it kills him to watch you with Brandon. When you would go to his house, he always came to ours so he wouldn't have to see you guys together. I never knew you two had even spoken to each other about this. All he does is talk about you in a way that suggested you didn't know he loved you. He won't leave you, I don't think you realize he's never even spoken about a girl with us, until you showed up last fall.” My face must have shown I didn't believe that, “Regardless if he's ready for a child or not, he's the father, he has to help you.”

“No!” I said a little too loudly and quieted my voice, “No. I want him to want to be with me, I will not force him to endure this with me. My entire life Sir has resented me, I'm not going to go through the rest of it with Chase doing the same.”

“He wouldn't.” Bree cut in.

“He might.” I looked at each of them and said sternly, “I'll tell him soon, but you have to let him make this choice.”

They both agreed and had huge smiles on their faces. I wish I could feel the same. We finished lunch, paid the bill and headed to my first appointment. The first part we sat in the office and spoke with the Doctor, an extremely nice younger lady named Dr. Lowdry.

“When was the first day of your last menstrual period Harper?”

“December twenty ninth.” I said confidently.

“And do you have an idea of when the baby may have been conceived.”

“I do, it was either January twelfth or thirteenth.”

The Doctor grabbed a plastic wheel and moved it around for a minute, “Okay well then your due date should be October fourth, so what do you say we have your first ultrasound? You're practically eight weeks, we'll be able to hear the heartbeat.”

Mom smiled and clapped her hands and Bree looked like she was doing math in her head. We followed her to another room and after changing and positioning myself on the table, the lights were turned off and the ultrasound started. At first all I saw was a gray screen with a dark circle in the middle, then she zoomed in and I saw what looked like a gummy bear on the screen. Mom's breath caught and my eyes widened.

“That's your baby!” Dr. Lowdry said smiling and pressing different buttons. “Let's get some measurements here...yep! I'd say you are seven weeks and six days.”

Oh my word this is real. It's real isn't it? Yep it's real. There's a freaking gummy bear growing in me! I think the Doctor was pointing out the head and arms, but I couldn't listen too much, I was beyond mesmerized by the screen.

“Harper!”

“Huh?”

The three of them laughed, I wonder how long they'd been trying to get my attention.

“Are you ready to hear the heartbeat?”

I looked over at Dr. Lowdry's warm smile and nodded my head. She clicked a button and my entire world changed. We all held our breath as a whooshing noise filled the room. It wasn't what I was expecting, it was really fast and didn't sound like what I thought a heartbeat should sound like, but there was no mistaking that's what it was. Bree grabbed my hand and Claire reached for some tissue to wipe her eyes. I couldn't see the screen anymore and I realized I was crying, so I closed my eyes and listened to the most amazing sound in the world.

“I'm going to be a grandma!” Mom cried happily.

“Oh my God, I'm going to be a mom.”

Dr. Lowdry flipped on the lights and handed me the pictures of the ultrasound, “Now will dad be joining us for these? It's usually best if the fathers are here for everything.”

I didn't know what to say without sounding awkward, thankfully Claire spoke up, “Oh, my son will definitely be here next time.”

Man I hope she's right.

Once the rest of the appointment was done and we picked up my prenatal vitamins, the three of us headed for a pedicure before going home and waiting for Robert to come back from work. Mom couldn't wait until tonight, she had called him on the way to the appointment to let him know Chase was the dad, and apparently he was just as relieved. Crazy. When we sat down for dinner that night, he got misty eyed when we showed him the photos and joked with me about making him a grandpa so young. Everyone was smiling, including me, I just wish Chase could have been there too.

***

Don't ask how I did it, but I managed to only see Chase six times over the next four weeks, and I still had avoided having the talk with him. Mom and Dad were worried that he was going to find out and bolt since my clothes were getting tighter now and Bree was just flat out pissed.

“Harper, he hasn't been with another girl since August, and you're still worried he's going to leave you? You guys aren't even dating and he's committed to you!”

“I know, I know. But it's not so easy to just be with him Bree. I can't do that to Brandon yet.”

“Brandon already knows!” She reasoned.

“Yeah, but think of it this way. What if you got pregnant with someone other than Konrad. Even if you told him, would you be able to just start dating the other guy? Walking around the school on his arm, in front of Konrad?”

She didn't answer.

“No, you wouldn't. Because it would be cruel to Konrad and though you broke his heart you would still love him too.”

“You're still in love with Brandon? Well then tell Chase it's Brandon's baby and get back with Brandon.”

“What? No! That's sick. I could never do something like that to Brandon. That would be even worse than the conversation where I told him I was pregnant! It's like HEY! Let me twist the knife I stabbed in your heart.”

“Okay true. But you have to give Chase a chance here, just tell him, but say you guys need to lie low in public.”

“I know I'm already hurting Chase by blowing him off, but are you hearing yourself? That's bad too Bree. It would be like he was my dirty secret and I didn't want anyone else to know. It already takes everything in me not to run into his arms when I see him to tell him everything, and you expect me to tell him I'm pregnant with his baby and that we need to still stay away from each other? It's fine if I'm miserable, but I can't do that to him too.”

“I didn't think about it like that, but you have to figure out something.”

I sighed and fell onto the bed, “I know Bree. Trust me there's nothing you can say that I haven't already thought of. After that ultrasound, all I can think about is telling Chase. It's like my whole perspective changed and I'm finally ready to take that chance with him. But I know I have to wait a little bit longer. I owe it to Brandon to give him some time to get over his hurt, and I owe it to Chase to be able to fully be in a relationship with him once he knows.”

She laid down next to me and grabbed my hand, “But when will it be enough time for that? When you have a beach ball under your shirt?”

“No. I couldn't let Chase find out that way, that wouldn't be fair to him either. And I know what you're about to say, I'm starting to show a little, so it has to be soon.” I wasn't showing much yet, it just looked like I ate a massive meal, but it was looking more like an awkward bump with each passing day, and soon people would start talking.

“It hurts me to see you guys apart, but I understand what you're saying sweetie.”

We both sat up to see Mom standing in the doorway, I guess she'd heard most, if not all of the conversation.

“Since he's my son, I obviously think about his happiness before Brandon's, so naturally I only think about how this is hurting him. And while what you're saying is extremely mature for your age, I'll be happy when all this is behind you two and you can live your lives together.”

I hated that I was still hurting so many people. It was apparent Claire was hurting for Chase, he still wasn't coming around much, I'd messed up more than I thought. “I'm sorry Mom. I promise I'm not trying to hurt him or any of you. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to fix all of this, so when we do start a relationship, it's perfect.”

Bree squeezed my hand and Mom came to lay down on my other side. “I don't think you're trying to hurt people sweetie, we just only see one side of this.” Mom said with a sigh.

“I'm sorry for getting on you Harper, I just see how miserable you are without him, and I didn't understand why you were putting both of you through this when it's clear you guys want each other so badly. That wasn't fair of me.”

“It's fine Bree, you guys are still right, I need to tell him soon. This is just a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

We sat there in silence for a while until Mom glanced at her watch and stood up, “So I guess it's safe to assume he won't be at the appointment today!” She laughed and the tension slowly left the room. “Well that's fine with me, I'm selfish and want to be there to see it.”

I sat up, “You aren't going to come to the appointments when Chase does? I need you two there.” I looked between her and Bree.

“No sweetie, you may not understand it yet, but the first time he's there, trust me when I say you'll want it to just be the two of you.”

“Okay? Well I'm ready whenever you guys are.”

Bree jumped up and pulled me with her, “I'm ready! Let's go see my niece or nephew!”

I laughed and looked at my stomach, “You hear that? We're coming to see you Gummy Bear!”

Claire and Bree both laughed as we walked to the car. I was thrilled to see my baby again, but my heart hurt knowing Chase wouldn't be there, that he didn't even know about it. Next time, I promised myself, he'll for sure be there next time.

We were silent throughout the appointment as we watched my gummy bear, who now actually looked like a baby, sleep in my stomach. The heartbeat was strong and once again I closed my eyes so the only thing I was aware of was that beautiful sound.

“Well, let's make another appointment for four more weeks, you'll be sixteen weeks then and if baby is cooperative we might be able to find out the sex of the baby.” Dr. Lowdry said as we walked out of the room.

“Really? I'm sorry I just didn't realize we could find out that soon!” I definitely needed to tell Chase. If there was one appointment in particular I wanted him there for, it was to find out if we were having a boy or girl. I told Claire and Bree as much when we got in the car and they both sighed happily knowing within a month Chase and I would be together. I wanted to bring up the fact that we still didn't know if he would want the baby or me after he found out, but they were so dang happy I couldn't bring myself to sour the mood again. “I'd like to give him some time before the appointment, just in case he needs to think about things, but I never see him anymore unless we're at school and I don't want to do it there either. Do you think if he hasn't come around on his own by my birthday, we could invite him to whatever we're doing? I'll tell him then.”

“I can call and tell him he has to come to family day this Sunday sweetie.”

“No Mom, I don't want him to be forced to come over. I would prefer if he comes to see me on his own, but if he hasn't by then, then we can invite him to dinner on something. I doubt he'd miss my birthday.”

“April fifth...two weeks? These are going to be the longest two weeks of our lives.” Bree groaned.

“Hey I just set a deadline for myself, I thought you would be a little happier than this.” I joked with her.

“I am, but whenever I see him now I'm going to be freaking out, knowing that he's finding out soon.”

“Well we don't see him much, so hopefully you won't have many freak-outs.”

Okay so there weren't many freak-outs, but there were three more than I was expecting there to be. Which meant there were a total of three. All at school. The first wasn't a big deal, Bree and I were running to a class and we saw him walk out of the building. He reached out to brush my hand as we ran past, his face lit up with a gorgeous smile as Bree and I barely managed hellos before pushing open the door to the lecture we were late to. The next two were borderline dangerous, considering my current state.

“Damn Princess,” Drew laughed, “You trying to pack on a few pounds there?”

I froze when Chase smacked him across the back of the head on the way to his seat. I hadn't been trying to eat for two, since I knew there really wasn't a reason to yet, but I was so hungry all the freaking time. This was just the first time Chase had been around, and the first time anyone had said something besides Bree and her parents. My hand immediately went down to my stomach, thinking he'd somehow see the bump even though I was hidden behind the table, thankfully Bree snatched my hand and put it to my side before I could look awkward covering myself. Which, by the way, I was definitely doing more of, all my tight shirts were starting to show my now obvious bump, so everything I wore was loose or flowy around my hips. I wasn't in maternity clothes yet, by any means, I was just being careful until Chase knew. Brandon's eyes darted quickly to mine and with a hard sigh he got up from the table and left. I wanted to die.

That had been the first time I'd seen Brandon since we’d broken up, and it had been emotional to say the least. I'd stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him sitting at the table, but Bree had told me I needed to do this at some point. I knew she was right, but seeing him again made me want to take him away somewhere and beg him to take me back, even though I'd just told Bree I could never do that to him. I did love Chase, and I knew that if I were to be with anyone, it needed to be him. But I was still completely in love with Brandon. I wouldn’t tell Bree this, but I still thought of him when I thought of my future, if he were to ask me today, I would marry him. But obviously that day would never come now. That thought ripped my heart to a million pieces, even though I’d done this to myself. Throughout the tense five minutes we'd been at the table, I'd watched him for four and a half and I continued to watch him until he was out of the café.

“Bree,” I whispered leaning into her side, “we might need to leave soon before I freak out instead of you.”

As if on cue, Derek's girlfriend, Maci, and one of her other friends sat down at the table. “Wow Harper, you look amazing today.” Maci said with wide eyes, “I mean, not that you aren't pretty all the time, but I swear you're glowing.”

Bree's intake of breath was audible. Crap. I couldn't stop myself, I glanced over at Chase and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he was simply smiling at me. I smiled nervously, but Bree shot out of her chair, causing it to fall backwards.

“We have to go!” She explained while everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

I walked away with her, and once out of earshot finally spoke, “Subtle Breanna. Very subtle.”

“I'm sorry, but I swear I thought someone was going to say something! Can you even believe that just happened?”

“No,” I breathed, “you're right, it was weird to have them bring up those things within a few minutes of each other. I got nervous for a second there too. Did you notice anyone else at the table? I only looked at Chase. He definitely didn't get it, but that doesn't mean no one else did.”

“Just Maci. I'm glad no one brought up the fact that you're always wearing loose shirts.”

“Honestly Bree, I think we're the only ones that know that, and it's because we both decided it was for the best. I think we're just freaking out because we know I'm...well...you know.”

“Probably. Ugh, only three more days, and then he'll know.”

I almost started hyperventilating.

“Chill Harper! Breathe.”

“Oh God, I haven't even thought of how to tell him!” I looked around quickly to make sure no one was staring after my outburst.

“Calm down friend,” Bree stepped closer, “it will be easy, you told everyone else with no problems.”

“That was different, they were easier because I was already upset with myself. But he's the dad, and though I'm still upset with myself, I'm happy about the baby. Different. So different.”

“What's different?” Konrad pulled a squealing Bree in for a big kiss.

“God babe! You scared the crap out of me.” She slapped his chest but brought him in for another kiss.

He smiled and looked at me again, “Sup Kid, what's different?”

“Uh, I just. I just saw Brandon, it was weird.”

He nodded and wrapped his arms around Bree's waist. “Ready gorgeous?”

Bree looked at me, eyebrow raised, “You good?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine. See you guys after class.” I flicked my eyes to Konrad who, thankfully, didn't think anything was wrong. Jeez I needed these three days to fly by, not telling Chase was becoming ridiculously hard, especially with thinking everyone was going to somehow find out.

I saw Chase for the third time the day before my Birthday, and it was when I'd been rushing out of a class to hurl in the next available bathroom. Of course I hadn't been sick for three days, and then it decides to reappear and he's right there. I was throwing up violently into the toilet when his hand started making large circles on my back. When the morning sickness had taken full effect and turned into the every-few-hours-sickness, I'd worn my hair in a messy bun every day so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Though it had definitely tapered off, I was grateful I'd been running late so I hadn't had time to do anything else with my hair. I was already humiliated that he'd just watched that, but having to clean vomit out of my hair in front of him would have made it ten times worse.

“Go away.” I groaned and spit into the toilet.

He walked away but came right back with a cold wet paper towel. “Here you go Princess.” He said softly.

I took it and wiped my face before wiping my mouth and stood up to face him. “Thanks.”

“Are you okay? Do you want me to take you somewhere?”

“No, I'm great.” Weird, I know. But every time I finished throwing up, I felt like nothing had ever happened. Actually I was kind of hungry again.

“Great? You just threw up Harper.”

I looked into his blue eyes and immediately regretted it. Tearing my eyes away I walked to the sink to rinse my mouth out, “I know, and now I feel fine.”

“If you don't want me to take you, at least let me call Bree so she can take you home. Speaking of, when were you going to tell me you moved into my parent's house?”

I spit out the water, turned the faucet off and popped a piece of gum in my mouth. I was now always prepared with at least two packs of gum. “Does that bother you?”

“Not at all, but I just found out this morning that you've been living there over a month. I would have come around more if I knew you were there and not hiding from me in your dorm.”

“I haven't been hiding from you Chase.”

He hung his head, “You sure about that?”

Looking at Chase with his head down, I fought the urge to tell him everything. But now wasn't the time for all of it, I couldn't tell him in a dirty bathroom that we were having a baby. “I've just been busy, and you haven't been around much either. You haven't come to a family day in months.”

He laughed humorlessly, “As before Harper, I'm giving you the time you asked for.”

God I had to stop asking him to give me time, he flat out disappears when I do. Guys need to understand that sometimes, we mean exactly the opposite of what we say. I may need time, but I damn sure want you to show me that you want me. “Oh.”

I grabbed my backpack and waited for him to follow me out of the bathroom. Thankfully no one was around, I'm sure it would look awkward for us both to come out of the girl's room. We walked out of the building and spotted Bree waiting with Konrad not far away. Her eyes grew wide and she turned to talk to Konrad. I'm sure to prevent another freak out.

“Harper, can you tell me one thing?”

“I'll tell you anything Chase.” Except for the fact that I'm carrying your baby.

“Have I – have I missed my chance?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean with you, us. Did I miss my chance?” His face was scrunched together, he looked terrified that I would say yes.

I stepped up and wrapped my arms around his waist, “I'm sorry that you would even have to ask that. I wish you knew how much I love you Chase, it's just been a hard time for me.” He pulled me closer to him and I tried to push my hips back without him noticing. “I didn't know you were still giving me time, I figured I'd already lost you.” My voice caught at the end. Oh my word, I hadn't realized until those words came out that I actually thought that. Was that the real reason why I hadn't been able to tell him yet?

“Aw hell baby. That's not possible.” He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tight. “What's been going on? Is it still because of Brandon? Or did something else happen?”

Just then Bree walked up, “We need to go Harper.” She said softly.

I looked at her, hoping she understood that she couldn't have had better timing. There's no way I would tell Chase here, but I couldn't stand to keep talking to him without saying something about the pregnancy. Once again, Chase quickly dropped his arms and stepped back when he saw her. I wanted to roll my eyes but resisted. She heard him say “I love you” last time, and he still thought he had to hide it from her? One more day. One. More. Day.

“See you.” I touched Chase's arm before turning to Bree.

“Bye Princess.”