Текст книги "Let Me Go"
Автор книги: Michelle Lynn
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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 19 страниц)
THE SOUND OF the shower wakes me up. I should have been up hours ago at work, but after last night, I just can’t go. I’ve beaten myself up most of the night for slaughtering Xavier. Why couldn’t I have let him win? My hand punches the mattress and I sit up, my fingers in my hair, tugging on the short black strands. Images of last night flash through my head. Nora growing up into an identical image of Carly. Xavier’s angry eyes toward me, Paige’s timid behavior when she came up to the three of us. Mostly, it’s Carly that crosses my mind though. The day of the accident, her loving eyes gazing at me like I was her savior. Seeing her siblings that hold the same green eyes and red hair. Their Irish genes shining through. Digging through my wallet, I search for the therapist’s number.
I dial the number and the standard recording rings over the line. I wait for the beep. “Hey, it’s Rob Winters, give me a call . . . please.” I click off the phone and toss it on my bed.
Staying in bed all day sounds pretty damn nice, so I turn on my television and prop myself up a little more on the headboard. Our doorbell rings and I wait for footsteps that it’s being answered. A minute later it rings again, so I throw the sheet off me and put on a pair of sweats. The water is still running, signaling Paige is in the shower, so I shuffle down the steps and open the door.
A woman stands outside with a boy. She’s attractive in that cougar kind of way. Short skirt, tight top and heels that show off her legs. The boy smiles up to me and I spot he’s missing a tooth. “Oh my.” The woman’s hand covers her heart and she flirtatiously smiles. “Who are you?” She steps in without me inviting her and the boy follows, staring down at the ground with each step.
“I think the question is, who are you?” I shut the door, my hand still resting on the knob.
“I’m Linda, Paige’s mom.” She places her hand on the kid’s head. “This is Matty, Paige’s brother.” The kid peeks up through his eyelashes for a brief second and then back down to the floor. Brother?
“Oh, nice to meet you. I didn’t know she had family coming.” I inch closer now that I realize she’s not at the wrong house.
“Believe me, the pleasure is mine.” She steps forward and her hand lands on my forearm that’s crossed over my chest. “I love your tattoos.” Her finger traces the outline of my guitar tattoo. “Whose lips? They must mean something.”
I huff and stare down at that stupid tattoo I’ve delayed too long to get covered. Jessa’s lips puckered right to my skin, what the fuck was I thinking in that moment, other than I was holding on to another girl that I’d lost. “An ex. Thanks for the reminder to get it covered.” I smile, not moving an inch.
“I’m sorry. You need help with your wounded heart?” Shit, this woman is forward. With her being Paige’s mom, I’m not about to disrespect her, but damn, she’s nothing like Paige. Her son’s eyes flick up and then back down and his cheeks flush pink from embarrassment.
“Not by you,” Paige appears at the bottom of the staircase and I whip my head around. “Sorry, Rob, my mom can be . . . forward.” She bends down to her knees, placing her hands on the kid’s shoulders. She ducks her head under so she can see him. “Hey, Matty!”
He lifts his head to meet her eyes and offers her a crooked smile. “Paige,” the kid whispers, his shoulders deflate in relief at the sight of his sister. She pulls him into a hug and her mom finally removes her hand from my arm. Picking him up, she holds him on her hip like it’s second nature.
“Mom, how on Earth did you find me?” she asks and I’m stuck between wanting to find out more information and not wanting Paige to think I’m intruding. Although, I’m positive she intruded into my life last night. The pity in her eyes wasn’t hard to miss in the moonlight glow in the car on the way home. Someone told her something.
“Is that anyway to speak to your mother?” Her hand lands on her hip and she juts it out. “I followed you home the other day. But you never told me about your roommate.” Her predatory eyes greedily move up and down along my body and Paige growls in frustration.
“Rob, would you mind giving us some privacy?” She sets Matty down on the ground.
“Yeah.” I face her mom. “It was nice meeting you, Linda.” I nod my head and then look at Matty. “Do you want some breakfast? I was just about to make some.”
His scared brown eyes flick to mine and then Paige’s. Never his mom’s. “Go ahead, Matty. I’m sure you’ll like Rob; he acts about your age.” She doesn’t even giggle at her own dig at me, let alone crack a smile.
“Paige is right, I have some Frosted Flakes.” Sneaking behind her, I allow my finger to graze along the small of her back and she arches forward from what I’m sure was electricity shooting up her spine from my touch. “You okay there, Paige?” I back step to the kitchen, shooting her a wink before spinning around after Matty.
The cereal isn’t even in my hands yet before shouting fills the small the house. “What the hell? You can’t just drop him off.” Paige screams and I notice Matty’s chin fall to his chest.
“So, buddy.” I place three different cereals on the table. “Which will it be? Or I can make you eggs.” He eyes the boxes and then scoots the Fruit Loops my way.
“Excellent choice. I think I’ll join you.” When I grab two bowls, the milk, and spoons, Paige and her mom are still going at it. Her mom rattling that she has no option and Paige arguing she needs to be more responsible.
After I pour the cereal and fill them with the milk, I sit down next to him. “So, do they fight like this all the time?” I toss my thumb in the direction of the living room.
He peers up and at first I think he won’t answer my questions, but he surprises me. “Yeah.” A boy of few words.
“Do you guys live close by?” He stares at me blankly. “Did it take long to get here?”
“Nope.” He dips his spoon into the cereal and his mouth opens wide to engulf a huge bite.
“Mom, I have school. There’s no more money, I’m out.” Paige continues to yell and I wish I could cover up the little guy’s ears.
“That’s cool you live close to your sister.” I have no idea what else to talk to this kid about. Plus it’s Monday, and shouldn’t he be in school or something?
“Yeah.” Okay then.
We sit in an uncomfortable silence listening to the two women fight in the other room.
“I can see if Chrissy can do it, but Mom, you have to get your shit together.” Hearing Paige, I figure I better interrupt.
“Stay here, buddy, I’ll be right back.” Standing up, I prepare myself for the death glare I’m positive Paige will shoot my way when I re-enter the battling cages. I want to help her out as a thank you for not pushing me last night.
Paige’s mom is sitting on the couch and Paige is pacing back and forth in front of the television when I cross through the archway. Her mouth isn’t stopping and her mom remains quiet. It’s like reversed roles of mother and daughter, and sympathy for Paige’s position surfaces. I’ve been there.
“Hey.” Paige stops at the sound of my voice, finding me in the doorway and her mom’s head rises from her lap. “I’ve got the boy. You guys go ahead.”
Paige breaks the distance. “You have work, Rob, and I won’t let you do it.” She narrows her eyes at her mom who’s already standing up.
“I already called in this morning. We’re good.” I nod reassuringly and Paige’s eyes bore into mine long and hard.
“Are you sure, Rob? I have back to back classes today. There’s no way I can get back until dinnertime. I can ask Chrissy.” I shake my head.
“I doubt she’ll be able to do it.” Digging into my pocket, I reveal the note left on the table. “Her and Dex went on a little trip.” I hold up the white piece of paper to her and her small framed shoulders slump.
“I can’t ask you.” She’s fighting it, but her eyes glisten with hope. She wants me to do it for her. She’s just afraid to ask. For a first time in a long time, I want to make someone happy other than myself.
“Yes you can.” I assure her with my eyes and she stares long and hard.
“You can, sweetheart.” Her mom stands up and stalks over to me. “Thank you, Rob.” She holds out her hand and I shake it quickly, my eyes pinging between her and Paige.
Paige has a disgusted expression on her face when I shake hands with her mom. “Mom.” Her voice is stern and almost threatening. Shit, I never want that mean side of her faced my way.
“Paigy.” I stifle a laugh and then I get the pinned glare from Paige. “I promise I’ll be back tomorrow morning.” Her mom backtracks to the door to escape Paige.
Realizing exactly what her mom is doing, she inches forward, following her. “Eight am. I have school and Rob has work, okay?” She points her finger. “I’m telling you, Mom, this is the last time.”
“Promise, Paige.” A huge smile crosses her mom’s face and she wraps her arms around her daughter. For the first time I realize there aren’t very many similarities between the two of them. I wonder if Paige resembles her dad then? Speaking of which, where is her dad, or the kid in the kitchen’s dad?
The door shuts and Paige’s forehead drops to the wood. Her back rises and falls and her knuckles become white from her grip on the doorknob. Remaining quiet, I wait for her to turn around. When she finally does, the wetness in her eyes is clear and my hands clench to stop from hugging her. “Thanks, Rob. I really appreciate it. I’ll skip my last class.”
“No you won’t. I have this. Don’t worry.” I step forward and she does the same. My whole body desperately wants to grab her, hug her and fade away those worries. I learned after the accident, you can’t encompass the pain of someone else.
“Thank you.”
“You said that already,” I joke and she peers up at me with a smirk.
“Well, then take good care of my little brother. He’s shy, but he’ll open up a little more . . .”
“Go!” I usher with my hand for her to go up and get ready.
“Okay, great. Here’s his booster seat, don’t go fast, you know . . . drive the speed limit. He needs to be in the backseat.” She continues to ramble and I laugh at her being overprotective. I’m fairly certain this kid is resilient with the mother he has.
She back-steps up the stairs, biting the inside of her cheek. “Okay, going now.” Then she runs up the stairs and I admire the view of her ass in those shorts that I love.
When I go back into the kitchen, Matty is pouring himself another bowl of cereal. Now the kid’s got the right idea. “You play with a lot of kids?” I ask, taking the seat across from him.
“No,” he mumbles over his mouthful.
“Today’s your lucky day.” I shoot a text to Trey.
AN HOUR LATER, the kid is sitting in my backseat in his booster. He stares out the window mostly, but when I play some classic rock music, the kid lip-syncs and bobs his head to the beat. Paige has definitely been an influence on the little guy. I’m thankful Trey accepted my apology a month ago. I was convinced his friendship with Jessa would make him hate me, but I guess the true friendship we developed over the years still existed inside of him.
I ring the doorbell to the four-bedroom suburban home I’m still shocked my friend lives in with his wife. The rumbling of little feet slam against the floor before Trey’s booming voice yells. “Tara, do not open that door.”
“Man, he sounds so fatherly,” I remark to Matty who stares up at me with indifference. “See, he’s my good friend and I just—” The kid’s blank stare tells me I’m wasting my breath, so I stop.
I catch Trey with Chloe holding the little guy in his arms through the glass as he unlocks the door. A little brunette girl peers out the window, examining Matty. “Hey,” I snap my fingers and point to her.
“Tara.” Trey fills in the blank and laughs at me not recalling the girl’s name. “This is Drew.” Then he bends down. “Who’s this?”
“My name is Matty.” The kid surprises me.
“Good thing you know, because I’m fairly certain your driver doesn’t.” Trey jokes and then opens the screen.
“Funny, man.”
Trey winks, holding the door open. “I know.” Then he focuses on Matty. “Come on in; I guess the school holiday has everyone off in the area.”
I snap my finger and point to them. “I was wondering.”
I follow Matty and clasp my hand on Trey’s free shoulder. “You’re a lifesaver. I had no idea what to do with the kid.” I whisper so he can’t hear although he’s already following Tara down the hall.
“Whose son is he again?” We walk down the hallway to the kitchen and family room. “Why were you the best choice to watch him?” His eyebrow arches and I shake my head.
“He’s Paige’s brother and I was the last option.” I try to fill him in, but he shrugs.
“Figured so. How is Paige?” He raises his eyebrows up a few times fast.
“Shut the f—”
Trey’s eyebrows raise and he stares down at a drooling Drew. “She’s fine.” I correct myself and a bellowing laugh escapes Trey. I do have to admit one thing I missed about him was his easy going love for life personality.
“Sure she is.” He situates Drew in the high chair and tosses a few Cheerios on his tray. “Why don’t you guys go outside?” The kids all scramble up and run outside to the patio. I’m surprised Matty follows with how shy he’s been.
“See, already a lady killer,” I joke, nodding my head toward Matty following Trey’s two girls outside.
“You’re a bad influence. How long have you been around him?” Trey maneuvers around the kitchen, grabbing things with ease for the little one. Man, he’s changed since those days when stopping at Zen’s was our daily ritual. Or the nights when we’d down shots of Jack until we ended up passing out watching re-runs of Saturday Night Live.
“Don’t knock the kid’s swagger. I’ve only known him for . . .” I pick up my arm and glance at my watch. “An hour, maybe.”
Trey chuckles, giving Drew juice. “You couldn’t even play with the kid before shuffling him over here?” He occupies the seat across from me, cutting up a banana.
“You’ve really become . . . domesticated.” I raise my eyebrows at him and ease back into the chair.
His eyes focus on me with daggers. “Yeah.” I’m shocked he doesn’t make a joke or flip the tables on me. A strong desire to hold his self-confidence digs into my heart. He couldn’t give a shit what I think, or anyone else for that matter, he’s happy. Which everyone is aware of from the cheesy-ass smile on his face.
“Where’s your other half anyway?” I distract the churning thoughts about happily ever after that I’ll never get by pulling out my phone, as though someone texted me.
“She’s at school. I had to take the day off since it’s a teacher service day.” Then he picks up his head, placing a few cut up bananas on Drew’s tray. “Where does Matty go to school? Weird they are all off today.”
I shrug because I don’t even know if the kid is in school. “Today is the first I even knew there was a brother.”
Treys smile breaks into a stifled laugh. “And how nice of you to free him from Paige.” He wiggles his brows as though he knows something I don’t.
“Don’t.” I warn, but he just laughs, which makes Drew start laughing. Suddenly, a one year old finds my kindness amusing.
“Come on. I really liked talking with her until you made the bone head move and ventured over to that table full of girls.” Drew’s slimy hands reach out for more banana and Trey places some more down. I give Trey props, I’m not sure I’m ready for this in my life right now. Drew’s greedy hands clamp on to banana pieces and he smashes them into his mouth. Trey laughs. “Let the guard down, she’s a cool chick.”
Trey’s right, Paige is cool as shit. The fact she didn’t even ask me questions last night on the way home from the race earned her great respect from me. She hasn’t dug into my issues, and for some reason I’ve grown to like her even more because of it. But finding a girl cool to hang out with and then stepping forward into girlfriend zone are two different things. After running into Xavier and Nora last night, it all rings too true for me. That I shouldn’t be happy, I deserve to live a life of single moments with a million different people instead of a million moments with one person. They reminded me of my fate and I need to stick with it. If only Paige didn’t make it so hard on me.
“She’s a great friend and if I could get her to be friends with benefits, that’d be even better.” I wink and for the first time today, Trey’s face is stone straight.
“You need to get your shit together, Rob. We aren’t eighteen anymore, we’re fucking twenty-four and life will continue on. If you keep passing up the girls, you’ll live a life of regret.” He stands up, walking over to the fridge. “Do you want anything?” Typical Trey, words of advice followed by normal daily routine.
The kids’ screams in the backyard show they’re definitely having fun with one another. I meander toward the window and find Tara chasing Matty. Their little arms pump and I can’t help but smile. Tara’s arm stretches out and she tags him, and then Chloe screeches. To be so innocent and carefree. Not that any of the kids out there were handed an easy life up to this point, but their resilience amazes me and I guarantee they’ll all be in therapy at some point in their adult life. The door bells rings and Drew claps his hands.
“Watch Drew for a sec.” Trey stands up and I sit next to the little guy.
“Are you expecting someone?”
“No, this will just be step one in exterminate the asshole out of Rob mission.” He walks backward and a bellow of laughter escapes his throat.
He answers and I hear her voice. My whole body fidgets in the chair, praying like hell the big man isn’t with her. That I’m not about to have a spotlight on my ass to be interrogated. It’s been a long time coming, but to be face to face with her after all this time makes my insides shake with insecurity. She’s the closest person that’s seen my demons, but she’s still in the dark about what haunts me.
She and Trey carrying on the whole time until she steps in the archway of the kitchen. When she spots me, she stops in her tracks. Her blonde hair now brown, the baby seat hanging over her arms and diaper bag swung over her shoulder. She and Trey resemble a damn suburban minivan clan side by side. Not even acknowledging me, she swivels back to Trey. “What—”
“Hey, Jessa.” I interrupt. Her head whips in my direction and Trey weaves between her and the wall, grabbing the car seat from her hands.
“Rob.”
“Oh good, we all remember each other’s names.” Trey moves over to the couch, fiddling with the car seat. “She’s asleep so try not to wake her.” Walking back over to the table, he picks up Drew. “Time for this one’s nap, so be nice you two. I’ll be right back.” He exits the room, escaping down the hall, but shouts back, “Don’t forget innocent ears outside.”
Jessa stands there, her feet shuffling back and forth. The situation couldn’t be more awkward, and I’m not even sure what to do in this moment. “Where’s hubby?” She narrows her eyes to mine, placing the diaper bag next to the car seat in the living room.
“Work.”
“And you, I heard you were at that gallery?” The only reason I know is because Chrissy took over her spot for a while when she first arrived in Western. Otherwise, I know next to nothing about Jessa’s life.
“I’m part-time now.”
“Never pinned you as the settled down, husband, baby and house in the suburbs kind of girl.” She spins around on her heels.
“Of course you didn’t. I was just a girl you fucked.” She tilts her head and I’m correct—the anger still lies there.
“If you’d let me finish.” Her eyes stare at me waiting. “It looks good on you. Somehow fitting.” A small smile forms until she forces it back.
“Thank you,” she murmurs.
Brady’s words from yesterday morning remind me how I need to make amends here somehow. At least for him and Sadie to have a drama-free wedding. “Will you sit down?” I ask and she eyes me for a moment before walking over. Standing behind the chair, her hands clench the wooden rung. “Please.”
At a painfully slow pace she grabs the chair out and sits down, facing the baby. “Brady asked me to stand up,” I inform her, and she nods still staring at her baby. God, she’s like a different person now.
“I heard.” Her voice is soft and annoyed.
“So, we need to figure out how we’ll be around each other without fighting.” I stare at the side of her face, remembering how beautiful I thought she was the first time I saw her. How much I wanted to dissipate that pain and be with her. I hoped one night would fulfill the need, but something about her dug into me and wouldn’t let up. She was the first girl to pique enough interest to date more than once.
“You could apologize.” Her bluntness, yes, that’s what grabbed a hold of me.
“I’m sorry,” I instantly declare, because her sitting across the table, reminds me of our good times. “I should have ended it before I left on tour. Shit, I probably shouldn’t have even gone on tour.”
This grabs her attention and she twists in the chair, facing me. “Keep going.” Her lips curl a little bit at the ends and I finally sense my way in to her.
“I treated you like shit, and I’m sorry.” She nods, and those eyes that saw too much that one night have a flicker of understanding in them. She saw the hurt and the true me when I awoke from the nightmare in a cold sweat. I came close to telling her, but rolled her over and fucked her instead, probably a little too rough. That’s when I knew I would only hurt her and I needed to do something drastic to make sure she went to Grant instead of staying with me.
“Thank you.” She clasps her hands on the table.
“And?” I add because I’m not denying I did something shitty, but she wasn’t exactly truthful with me.
“What?” She plays innocent, raising her shoulders and shooting those puppy eyes my way. “I should have told you things between Grant and me . . .”
“Were heating up?” I add and she smiles.
“I never cheated on you, Rob. I swear.” If Jessa is one thing, it’s honest. She’s always been truthful with me.
“I know.” I believe her and maybe if I wouldn’t have given her good reason to be with someone else, Grant wouldn’t have taken the opportunity. “So, you think your guy will be okay with me in the wedding party?”
“Well,” she taps her finger to her lips. “I do have some manipulation tactics I can use on him.” She laughs and even though I am an asshole, there’s something about seeing her happy that rotates the contentment back my way.
“I’d rather not hear about them.” I cover my ears like a toddler. Just then, Matty runs into the room, and climbs into my lap. I’m just as surprised as Jessa’s wide eyes. The kid sees me as his protector and it kind of feels good.
“Yours?”
I crinkle my brows. “No, our roommate, Paige’s brother.” I glance down at Matty. “Matty, this is Jessa. Jessa, this is Matty.”
“Nice to meet you, Matty. You like Tara and Chloe? They’re fun, right?” She already possesses that motherly voice that can calm kids.
“Yeah, they’re a lot of fun.” He looks back to me. “I’m hungry.”
“We just ate breakfast.”
Jessa stands up, going to the cabinet. She pulls out a granola bar and then looks down at me. “Any allergies?”
“No, I don’t have any allergies.” She smacks the back of my head.
“Not you, Matty.” I shrug. I’m thinking Paige would have told me, right? She’s way too responsible not to.
“Matty, do you know if there are any foods you can and can’t have?” Matty squints up to me and his eyes light up.
“No. Not like Brendan at school. He can’t have peanut butter.”
“But you can?” she asks, and since when is it twenty-questions before you give a kid something to eat?
“Yep.”
“Good, here’s a granola bar.” She places it in front of him and he opens it by himself, gobbling it down.
“Thanks.” She smiles. “Like I said, this mother role suits you.”
She rubs her belly. “I hope so, because number two is on the way.”
“Seriously?” Just the thought of two kids back-to-back nauseates me. “You need to tell him to get the—” She cocks her head at me, smiling. “Give you some space.” I change my wording. Damn, two kids already.
“Nah, I don’t.” She smiles and stares over at her baby. Joyfulness pours out of her and it makes me happy that I’m the asshole I am. It confirms that good can come from me being a prick.
