Текст книги "Let Me Go"
Автор книги: Michelle Lynn
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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 19 страниц)
I’ve been on stages larger than this, packed arenas as a matter of fact, but back then I just spun around my dad in my tutu while he played guitar. Memories float to mind from the summer my mom shipped me off to my dad. She wanted him to see what it was like being a single parent since there were often times I wouldn’t see him for months. That summer turned out to be one of the best in my life, except for Will overdosing. Luckily, he survived, but he never returned to the band and I recently saw him on one of those reality shows.
When the small spotlight focuses down on the stage, I’m thrown back to the present. The very scary present. The crowd quiets and I close my eyes, sucking in a few long and deep breaths. I can do this. The hammering of Trey’s drumsticks ring from behind me and I open my eyes, praying I don’t screw up.
“YOU DID FUCKING amazing.” I rush up to Paige and scoop her up in my arms. Our two sweaty bodies embrace and she laughs when I swing her around. “I told you. Check them out.” I stop us and point to the jumping patrons of Ace’s shouting for more.
She slyly eyes me. “You want to give them one more?” She bites her lip and I shake my head from her quick addiction to the spotlight.
“What do you say guys, one more?” I fear Trey will be out, I already caught him checking his phone on a song break, but Celan, he instantly gives me a quick nod, eager to play.
“One more and then I’m out,” Trey says as he places his phone back on the ground. “Singer’s choice,” he screams and Paige frantically shakes her head back and forth, making those curls swing in the air. God, I want to twirl my finger around one and tug.
“Do you guys know Dr. Feelgood by Motley Crue?” She cringes like we wouldn’t know one of the top rock-out songs of all time. Not to mention a song about girls, give me a damn break, it’s a garage band’s must.
“Fuck yeah,” Celan yells and I could use him as my prime example since I borrowed him from a garage band.
Trey smiles. Paige moves back up to the mic while Trey and I begin the musical in the first half. Celan soon joins in and Paige glances back to us until I point to her that it’s time for her to start singing. You’d never guess this was her first show; actually you’d think she’s been playing in a band for years. She shakes her ass, pacing the stage in those skintight leather pants. Fuck me, her ass in my face now as she bends down to the crowd with the microphone in her hand. When we hit the chorus, she leans into me and I help her sing it. God, her flowery perfume makes my dick come alive.
She’s hot as hell, and from the amount of guys’ eyes pinned on her from the first row, I’ll have to claim her fast once this is over. She may not be mine, but damn if any of these douches will get a piece of her tonight. As the song dies down, she places the microphone on the stand and turns around, downing the rest of her third bottle of water since we started playing. As if she could get any hotter¸ she tips her head back and gulps the water down her throat. The only thing better would be if she spilled it.
When the spotlight turns off, the crowd groans before resorting to the bar or tables. Paige darts directly to me. “What a high!” She takes a deep breath and her shoulders jiggle as I swear shivers rack her skin. “Thank you for convincing me to do it.” She leans over and kisses me on the cheek, and then works her way to Trey, who’s already packing up his stuff.
I try to force the jealousy away, watching her hug Trey and Celan, but my eyes won’t stop watching her as she comes down from the high of performing. Makes me think of my first time playing in front of people our freshman year. Man, I was hooked after one taste and that was before the circle of girls that formed around us. After she finishes hugging them, Trey comes over and slaps my back. “Do you mind packing up my drums? Tara has a fever and Kailey’s got a paper due tomorrow.” His shoulders slump and I swear the dark circles under his eyes have sunken in deeper lately, if possible. The demands of parenthood I guess.
“Yeah, man, go. Celan will help.” I wave him off and he jumps off the stage, dodging the approach of girls about to swarm likes bees on honey. Sad really, especially since any true fan knows he’s spoken for. Not like I’m not surprised, if the girlfriend isn’t here, others think it’s free game. Hell, some do it blatantly right in front of the girl.
I pack up my guitar and when I swing it over my shoulder, Paige is bouncing up and down in front of me, clapping her hands. I guess that high hasn’t left yet. “Oh my God, Rob. That was so much fun.” When I see her excitement, all my insides tighten, because I have to ram down these feelings to seek out every damn venue from here to Cleveland just to book a show every damn night just to see that expression on her face. I need to space myself from her, close off whatever she’s shooting to my heart. “What?” Her smile fades while I drown in contemplation of our relationship and I hate when her eyes falter from uncertainty.
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “You did great, Paige.” I go to sidestep past her, but she grabs my arm, swinging me around.
“Rob?” she sighs, silently asking me to answer where my head disappeared to. But I can’t, so I slip on the invisible mask that’s tucked in my back pocket. “Your tits were bouncing, you distracted me.” She huffs and her stance sulks. She’s way more perceptive than others to accept my defense mechanisms.
She stares at me long and steady for a few seconds. Then she claps her hands, forcing the two of us to focus. “What can I do to help?”
“Nothing. Celan and I have it.” I flick my head to Celan, who’s already taken apart the drums. “Sit tight, enjoy the thrill and I’ll be back to buy you a drink.” I hop off the stage and once I reach the archway to the hall, I turn around one time. A flutter of activity immediately envelops her and I shake my head, figuring I should keep close for the rest of the night. Then the evil devil on my left shoulder perks up with an idea to squash this feeling before it ever starts.
Fifteen minutes later, the van is packed and locked up. I head down the hallway, needing a shot now. Numb the pain before it takes over. Over the years I’ve learned tactics to get through times like this. Time where my heart widens a little too much. I stop in my tracks when my eyes float to our booth and I see Paige smack dab in the middle of a group of guys. What the hell? She’s smiling and laughing with them. Then I eye one and I know him from somewhere. “Fuck,” I mumble to myself.
“What’s up, man?” Celan comes alongside of me and his eyes follow mine.
“Shit, I didn’t know Exiled Souls was coming tonight. I heard they’re starting their own label or something. They want to compile more bands.” Celan rambles the same rumors I’ve been hearing. The band circuit around here is small, so news travels fast.
“I’m fairly certain they have their eye on someone tonight?” My eyes never leave the table.
“I’m not sure their interest is only in her singing capabilities.” Celan claps my shoulder and heads over to the table. Probably eager to grab a spot. I can’t blame the kid; he’s been trying hard to find a regular gig after his band broke up. Invisibles sure isn’t where he needs to land, it’s dying a slow death.
When Celan reaches the table, Paige smiles and signals for the three guys to let him sit. As she’s busy being the polite person she always is, she scans the room and finds me leaning against the archway. Her face lights up and she tilts her head in an adorable way, wondering why I’m still over here, watching her instead of next to her. She signals for the asshole next to her to scoot out and the guys all check out her ass as she makes her way over to me.
With my arms crossed, I lick my lips, enjoying the view of her in those tight as hell pants and second skin shirt. She’s the perfect mix of sour and sweet. My own lemon drop. “I thought you were going to buy me a drink?”
She fidgets with her hands, her shyness with me surfacing. She’s confused on where we stand and I’m not sure I blame her. I have no idea what the hell we’re doing tonight, but the fact that her being in front of me makes the pain disappear is a guilty pleasure I’ve been soaking up these past months. Tonight is different; her eyes are brewing like the lava at the base of a volcano before it erupts. She’s ready for more than our usual flirty banter. I run a hand down my face, and my eyes explore her body. Shit, maybe I am, too.
“Yeah,” the word comes out soft and I know I’m agreeing to more than just a drink.
“Let’s go then.” She bops a few steps forward and then turns around, cocking her head again to see if I’m following.
I press forward off the archway and break the distance between us. When my hand lands on the small of her back, she arches from the contact before relaxing back down. The bar is four-deep at least and Roni is busy shuffling between tables. Quickly, my hand moves across her back and I link my hand with hers, leading us to the side of the bar.
Pete catches my hand in the air and leans close to the girl who’s next. After Pete roams our way, the blonde girl’s gaze travels down to us and she smiles. “Whatcha have?” He inches closer and I shout two shots of Yeager and two beers. He nods and fills our order. I toss him the money and he smiles, and then notices Paige behind me. “Hey, you did great tonight,” he yells over to her and she nods. I see the damn meet me in the backroom eyes he’s giving her and I like Pete, so I won’t punch him in the face.
“Thank you.” She’s polite as always, and Pete smiles before rushing back over and refusing the blonde’s money for the drink. She leans over, her tits practically resting on the bar and kisses his cheek. That guy gets more ass than I do, or used to. I’ve been on the mend lately and can’t really figure it out, except for the spunky brunette stationed next to me.
She reaches across to grab her drink and her back brushes along my chest. I close my eyes, sniffing her fruity scent that I’ve discovered is her shampoo after opening every one of the five bottles she has in the shower. When she returns next to me, I smile and take the shot glass she’s holding up to me. “Congratulations. You did fucking awesome.” I raise my glass and catch the flush on her cheeks.
“Thank you. I had a lot of fun.” She clinks the glass and then tilts her head back, and I stare at the curve of her neck. Swallowing deep, the soft arc is winding me so tight it’s hard not to press my lips to it. I want to lick her neck all the way up to her ear and tell her all the dirty things I daydream about doing to her. When I notice her head coming back down, I quickly down my shot and place my glass on the bar.
Her face beams when I snatch her glass and link our beer bottles through my fingers. “You are entirely too hot not to be on the dance floor.” I escort her to the small dance floor in front of the stage. The DJ has come on now that we’ve finished our set. Everything inside of me screams this is a very bad thought, but I push it aside, because I want her too much in this moment.
Call it What you Want by Foster the People begins to play and Paige swings her hips immediately, dancing over to me. She grabs her beer from my hands and takes a long swig while she seductively peeks up at me through her thick lashes. My own hips move as I take a long and slow swig from my beer. She’s tempting as hell and I’m not even sure Chrissy wedged between us would get me to stop from taking her tonight.
Before I can even try to resist her, she’s straddling my leg and my free arm is wrapped tight around her waist as she grinds herself against me. Fuck. Her hand rests on my neck and she leans back, still swaying to the beat. All I have to do is bend down and her tit would be in my mouth. Well, over clothes, but who the hell cares. If I didn’t have this beer in my hand, I’d splay my hand down the crevice of her tits. Instead I down another sip, trying to keep my big boy downstairs calm, but thoughts of chords in the song isn’t working. He’s coming really close to full salute.
She steps away and instead of being happy with the reprieve, I only break the distance back toward her, flipping her around and grinding my now substantial bulge into her ass. She leans back, her hands cupping my ass as she grinds me into her more. My face nuzzles her neck; damn she feels so good in my hands. My hand lands on her chest and I swear her heart is beating so fast it’s going to pop out of her chest. As the song dwindles down, and she inches away, I yank her back. “Paige,” I sigh and she stays planted in my hands.
My lips land on the back of her neck and her shoulders scrunch, signaling I just gave her goose bumps. Fucking addicting. She doesn’t speak a word, or move. Our bodies are molded together and as much as I don’t want to let her go, I do. She flips around and immediate hurt reflects back to me. That beaming face is now laced with confusion. When her hand reaches out for me, I step back. I can’t idly stand around, waiting for her to crush my heart.
Fleeing to the back hallway, I’m about two seconds from the back door when a hand grabs my wrist. “Rob?” I turn around and she doesn’t let go of my arm.
My hands land on her cheeks and I press her against the wall. “Fuck!” I scream and the couple making out in the corner scurries off.
Her own hands cover mine and we stare into each other’s eyes. So many true and honest feelings laying out in the open between us. I can’t . . . I can’t refrain any longer.
“Kiss me,” she pleads and my lips crash down to hers. I pin her to the wall and her hands wrap around my waist.
My tongue dives into her mouth, not asking permission. She quickly joins me and I thrust into her, digging as deep as I can. Unable to quench my thirst for her, I continue to devour her mouth. My whole body begs to finish this at our place, but my brain overrides, and I tear away.
Stepping back, I brush my thumb along her swollen and quivering lips. “You’re beautiful,” I whisper and a small smile crosses her lips. Heat smolders out of her eyes and there’s no doubt I could have her right here and now if I chose.
She remains quiet as I step back until she realizes what I’m doing. The flicker of awareness hits her eyes and she inches forward, her hand grasping for me. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” I turn and flee out the back door.
“Rob,” she calls out, but I never turn around.
I climb into the van and roar it to life. Just as I’m about to shift it into gear, Paige swings open the passenger door and plops down next to me.
“What are you doing?” My hands fall in my lap and I peer over to her. She needs to let me be, I’m not ready to show her how raw I am inside.
The wanton side of her has left, leaving me with, from what I can tell of her rigid form, anger. “You’re not going to do this.” She pins me with her eyes.
“Do what exactly?” I’m not sure why I’m even entertaining this argument. She should be happy I didn’t do to her what I did to Jessa and make-out with another girl in front of her.
She snaps my way, her whole body facing me now. Her eyes are blazing and not in a good way. “Do you think I want to have feelings for a guy who probably fucked every girl in there?” She throws her hand in the direction of the bar. “Do you think it’s easy for me to fall for a guy who’s pleasured three-fourths of Western?” She inches forward toward me and I back up to the window. “But I do.” She pokes her chest hard. “Rob, you are the last fucking person I should want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you make my body a trembling mess every time you get close.”
I scowl at her long and steady. “Get out, Paige.” She straightens her back, grabs the seatbelt and fastens it.
“Nope.” She pops the ‘p’ like she always does when she’s trying to display her stubbornness and presses the lock button. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Suit yourself.” I throw the van in drive and spin the tires out of the alley. The tires screech when we hit a red light and we both fall forward. “Just because you like me, doesn’t mean the feelings are mutual.” I live up to my lying tactics. She’ll only push me harder if she finds out how it’s not only my body that yearns for her, but my heart too.
She turns her head in my direction and shakes it, narrowing her eyes. “Screw off, Rob. You know you do.”
“Would I like to fuck you, hell yeah, but because of Chrissy I’m keeping my distance. But hey, if you want to fuck, I won’t be opposed.” My bastard side arises in pure glory.
“Oh my God!” Her screams hit a high octave. “Why do I even try with you?” Her hands fly up in the air and her fists clench.
“Don’t confuse lust with love.” I turn into our driveway, parking the van on the side of the detached garage so I can escape in my Mustang and leave her here.
When I park the van, I throw her the keys and hop out. “See ya.”
Once I circle around the van, she’s already there, widened stance with her hands on her hips. “You can’t live like this forever. Constantly stashing your feelings away.” I continue to dodge her boxer-style body weaving in front of me on the way to my car. I never guessed she’d be one to fight for me. Jessa maybe, but she didn’t, because in the end she knew I wasn’t worth it.
“I’m not pushing shit.” I remove her hand from my arm as she keeps trying to get me to turn around.
A breath of relief flows out of me once I’m at my car door. My hand grips the metal handle, but she rushes past me and slams the door shut. “Paige.” I warn her, my eyes boring into hers.
“No. Tell me. What haunts you, Rob?” She keeps pressing and I need her to stop before I lose my shit. Turning around, I tug at my hair and bend down on my knees.
“Please, I’m begging you, Paige. Let it go.” I speak to the concrete floor because I’ll cave if I look in her concerned eyes that show her soft spot for me.
She places her hand on my shoulder and bends down to my level. “Who is Carly?” she whispers and the image of the accident replays in my head. The one point twenty-seven seconds of hell. I shake my head trying to forget the memory. The body lying on the stretcher, her screams and sobs echoing in the night. Dead silence filling the air before the screeching sirens blared down the deserted road. The heart-wrenching ambulance ride, holding her limp hand in mine while the paramedics tried their best. The confusion of understanding what they were all talking about. The loneliness in the hallway while the body got wheeled away into a life support helicopter. My body collapsing in the waiting room chair, the grief that racked inside of me. Reliving the moment in my head only angers me.
I pick up my head, water welling up in my eyes. “Is this what you want Paige? You want to see how weak I am?” I rest my head in my hands again and she drops to the ground, reaching for my hand, but I move it away.
“You can trust me, Rob.” Her voice flips to a sweet caress.
Unable to allow her to see me as a wimp who can’t hold his shit together, I keep my eyes fixed to the concrete, but the selfish side of me allows her hand to remain on my forearm. It feels too damn good. Confirming what a selfish prick I am.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.” She scoots a little closer to me and silently sits there.
Buckling up from the outburst, I force back my tears and rest my head on the wall of the garage. She’s quiet; her hand slowly grazes back and forth on my arm. Right over my tattoo of Jessa’s lips. Seriously, what a bonehead move that was.
This is insane, allowing Paige to witness my unfolding. I need to grab my emotions and chuck them in the damn Cuyahoga River. In Rob fashion, I divert.
“You want to go get a tattoo?” I ask her, jumping up and brushing my ass off.
“What?” She cocks her head, confused by my complete change. “I’m sure you aren’t going to get in.”
“I know the guy. He’ll squeeze me in.” I swipe my keys off the garage floor and turn her way. “So?” I ask and she stares at me wearily while rising to her feet.
“Um.”
“Are you coming?” I pull my phone out to text Jed over at Zen’s.
Her eyes dart everywhere in the garage. “Sure.”
I swing the keys around my pointer finger and nod to my car for her to climb in.
Once she’s securely next to me, my phone beeps back from Jed. I smile over to her, waving it in my hand. “See, connections, baby. It’s all about connections.” She remains quiet, staring at me and my body as it falls into the seat, almost embarrassed by my see-through veil of arrogance. “I give him a lot of business,” I relent, the real reason Jed is available whenever I am.
Her eyes scan over my arms covered with tattoos and her lips curl at the corners. “I can tell.”
