Текст книги "Let Me In"
Автор книги: Michelle Lynn
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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 19 страниц)
“Fuck you, Emily!” That’s my best comeback at this point because I’m pretty sure my brain has quit working as well. She leans against the wall and holds her mouth, and I see that a trickle of blood flows down her chin. Shit, I’ve never hit a woman before but that felt good.
“Doesn’t change the fact that I fucked both your men,” she shouts to me and I pause at the top of the stairs briefly before I descend down them. I remain silent, absorbing my volatile mix of emotions.
Rushing out of the house, I hear Matt holler my way but I continue without acknowledging him. Although I do feel a certain satisfaction thinking of Emily’s shocked expression after I hit her, my heart is still breaking. How could Grant do this to me? Was he that out of it that he didn’t hear the commotion outside his door? Or worse, did he stay inside his room because he couldn’t face me after what he’d done?
Grant
After rushing over to the house and throwing my stuff in my room, I grab my backpack and head out. The last place I want to be is the library doing some fucking group project. The image of Jessa in bed with Rob won’t leave my head. I fear that I’ve pissed her off so badly, she’ll see how damaged I still am and decide Rob was the better pick all along.
Getting to the library, I park my truck and walk up the steps. Sitting down at a table to wait for the others, I grab my phone. She hasn’t text or called, telling me that she’s more than pissed right now. I debate with myself whether I should call her and apologize for being a possessive asshole, but when one of the guys from the group arrives, I put my cell back in my pocket.
Everyone slowly starts arriving and the memory of when we first formed this group crosses my mind. I recall how much I wanted Hillary at the beginning of the year. She still gives me those fuck-me eyes, and it almost happened one time, but Jessa had already started claiming my heart by then. Since Hillary’s just as career-oriented as I’ve always been, we were a good fit. Neither of us wanted more, so it would have been perfect.
My pen teeter-totters back and forth as I stare at my paper, thinking maybe I should’ve gone that route. Getting involved with Jessa has complicated my life beyond recognition. It’s made me second-guess all of my goals, and I’ve become willing to change everything I’ve been working toward just to make sure she’s the one by my side. I’ve done a complete one-eighty in a very short time.
Finally after five agony-filled hours, we all start packing up. I feel like an ass, knowing I haven’t contributed much this session. Another reason falling in love sucks; it distracts you from everything else you’re doing and usually at the most inopportune times.
“Hey Grant,” Hillary says to me as I’m standing by the elevator.
“Hi Hillary,” I respond back, focusing my eyes on the silver doors in front of me.
“Did you have a nice spring break?” she asks. I know her body is turned my way but I keep mine facing forward.
“Yeah,” I answer, and then I shift my head around to see where everyone else has disappeared to. Relief hits me when the elevator doors open, but it’s quickly replaced by discomfort when I realize we’re going to be by ourselves in the confined space. I walk in, chastising myself for sweating it. It’s not like she’s going to bite.
She follows behind and before the doors even close, she starts talking again. “I worked at my dad’s law firm for the week. Kind of boring but great experience,” she divulges and I nod my head. I feel like a dick, but this funk that has come over me since I left Jessa won’t go away. “So, you want to get a bite to eat?” she asks. Fortunately, the doors open then and I practically sprint out.
“Sorry, Hillary. I have to be somewhere.” I give her a curt smile before walking away.
The nice, spring weather feels good but does nothing to improve my mood. The walk across the parking lot to get to my truck is filled with agony over what to do. Should I go to Jessa’s or just go home? The thought of seeing that douchebag there infuriates me. Taking the phone out of my pocket, I check to find that there’s still nothing. Why the fuck hasn’t she tried to get ahold of me? Does she not give a shit anymore? Have I finally crossed over that line where she can’t handle all my fucking baggage?
“Grant!” I hear a female yell, pulling me away from my thoughts. I glance up and release a heavy sigh.
“Emily,” I say with an exasperated breath.
“Oh, I’m glad you’re here. Can you give me a ride? I was supposed to be meeting Katie here, but she ditched me for some guy. I don’t want to walk home in these heels or I’ll get blisters…”
Not wanting to hear anymore from her, I instruct her to get in the truck, and a wide smile spreads across her lips. Regret consumes me immediately when I notice her reaction, and I hope to God she knows this is just a ride and nothing more.
She scrambles in and I’m thankful when she stays on her side. Starting the truck, I begin to reverse, and when I place my hand on the back of the seat to check behind me, she places her neatly manicured hand on my thigh. My body abruptly tenses and I jerk the truck to a stop. “Remove it, Emily,” I seethe through my teeth.
Rolling her eyes, she removes her hand and straightens her body as though I offended her. She’s quiet most of the way, until I pull up to her sorority house.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“You said you needed a ride,” I remind her.
“I’m going to your house. The girls are going over there to watch the game tonight.” The condescending tone in her voice makes me wish I was the type of guy who could drop her off at the corner and take off.
“Fine.” I jerk the shifter into drive and speed away from the curb.
“You know, Grant, you kind of led me on,” Emily’s sour voice states.
“I never led you on, Emily. There was never anything between us.” Why I’m even engaging her in conversation baffles me.
“I liked you and I know you liked me too, until she came into the picture,” she continues. My knuckles are turning white from the tight grip I have on the steering wheel.
“First, her name is Jessa. Second, if she wouldn’t have come into the picture, you’re right, I would have fucked you and then left you.” My words are harsh but true. Jessa changed me, and I’m not sure anyone else could have.
“Jesus, Grant, you’re being an asshole,” she spouts, crossing her arms and staring out the window. Good, hopefully she’ll shut her mouth now.
I’ve never been happier to be at my fraternity house than I am now. Emily quickly escapes the truck and I casually park in my spot and walk through the back door. Taking the staircase, I give a quick hello to Matt and the guys. Matt eyes me questioningly and I realize that I have no idea where Emily ventured to, nor do I care.
Once I get to my room, I sit on my bed, running my hand through my hair. Decisions and outcomes fill my head. I’m so fucking confused. I didn’t think the fight was that big. I mean sure, it’s the first time we’ve really raised our voices at each other, but I know we’re better than that. We didn’t face and overcome both our pasts to let one fight ruin everything.
Going to my fail-safe, I open the drawer that holds the letters from my mom. I’ve already read this one, but I need to hear her voice again. I pull out the box of letters and grab the one titled, Love Lost. It strikes me as odd that I opened this one after Lizzy, but never opened the Love one until Jessa.
Dear Grant,
So you got your heart broken. You’re probably telling yourself you’ll never fall in love again. That you’ll never get close to someone again. But you will. As much as it hurts, sweetheart, you have to let it go and welcome love when it comes around again. This one wasn’t it, but the next might be. Don’t close off your heart just because you had one bad experience.
My question to you is this. Can you fix it? Are either one of you being stubborn? Fight for it if you love her that much. Don’t give up, and give her your whole self, Grant.
Don’t go through heartbreak for no reason. Fight and save it, if there’s any hope at all. Don’t be a bystander to your life, Grant, be an active participant.
Love,
Mom
XOXO
I tuck it back in the envelope, knowing my mom’s right. This small disagreement is nothing in comparison to what Jessa and I have. I’m not going to let her get away. I see the last letter sitting in the box and I contemplate its fate. A warm feeling spreads through my body and I automatically know it’s time. This is it. I’m not letting the best thing that’s happened in my life slip away.
Packing my bag and not willing to take no for an answer from Jessa, I’ll be spending the night there until he leaves. If Rob’s there, I’m there. A soft knock hits my door and I smile, assuming it’s Jessa. Thank God. I knew we were on the same page. I spring the door open, ready to embrace her, when I find Emily in the doorway. What the hell does she want now?
Chapter 24
Jessa
I’m grateful for the long walk back to the house, although my anger soon shifts to sadness. After Colorado, I thought Grant and I had conquered our pasts. The more I pick apart the scenario that just happened, the more it doesn’t add up. God, I shouldn’t have let Emily get the best of me when she threw my past in my face. I regret not opening that door into Grant’s room. As much as it terrified me to see what was on the other side, I should’ve faced it head on and not let him get away with it. And that’s if he was even there. I know Emily is a conniving bitch, and the fact that I let her get to me like that pisses me off.
My stomach knots when I spot Grant’s truck outside the house. I continue walking, confused but also a little bit hopeful. If he had driven past me just now, I would have seen him. And now that I’m thinking clearly, I don’t remember seeing his truck in his usual spot at the frat house, where he was supposedly sleeping. Oh shit, I’ll bet that bitch was lying through her teeth.
Dex and Brady are sitting at the kitchen table eating when I enter. They simultaneously point downstairs and I race down the narrow steps to find Grant sitting in the music room on a stool, strumming his guitar.
He didn’t sleep with Emily. The relief I feel that he wants me as much as I want him is beyond me. “I’ve been waiting,” he says, holding his hand out for me to join him.
All the anger I’ve felt today dissipates from my pores and my feet move without hesitation. I clasp his hand and he squeezes tightly. Just like that, all is forgotten. The fears, worries, and doubts disappear and it’s only us again. “I was looking for you,” I reveal. He cocks an eyebrow but smirks nonetheless, happy we’re together.
“I’m sorry,” he says and I shake my head, trying to repress the tears that are trying to escape. “Baby, please don’t cry.” He brushes away a lone drop that falls with his touch. “I promise, I’ll never leave again.” He pulls me into a hug and kisses my head. “I love you,” he confirms and my eyes shut.
“I..I’m sorry, too,” I stumble out, and he tells me to hush as my tears wet his t-shirt. “I thought…”
“It’s over and done with, baby. Since I know we’ll have fights again, can we promise something?” he asks and I nod, waiting to hear what he’s going to say.
“We never leave. I don’t care how pissed off we are, we never walk out.” He pushes me back slightly to look me in the eyes, and I nod in agreement. “Now that that’s settled, I have another favor.” He stands up and leads me into the adjoining room. Pointing to where I should sit on a large, brown sofa, he takes a seat on the ottoman across from me. “Now bear with me, I’m no Brady,” he chuckles.
“I don’t want a Brady,” I joke.
“You might think differently when the glass over there starts cracking,” he says light-heartedly, motioning his head to the glass that separates the two rooms.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, my heart stammers as I wait for him to begin. Grant has never sung for me before and the anticipation is killing me.
Strumming the guitar a few times, he starts singing “I’m Yours” by The Script. Every muscle in his strong forearm flexes with each swipe of the strings. I can tell he’s concentrating on making sure he hits all the chords correctly, but every time he sings the words ‘I’m Yours’, he stares at me. And just like that, my heart is healed.
After he finishes, he leans the guitar against the couch and I jump into his lap. “God, I’ve missed you,” he whispers in my ear.
“Me too. I love you so much,” I say and he squeezes me harder.
“Show me,” he winks.
“Take me to bed and I will,” I instruct him.
“Anytime,” he says, repeating his classic line as he does every time I ask him.
It’s been a week since our fight. After Grant made love to me that night, he told me how he had driven Emily back to his house as she had requested, and then later she came to his room. That she did, in fact, try to put the moves on him, but he told her to fuck off. That she was being relentless, and he eventually just left the room, desperate to find me. We must have missed each other by only a couple minutes.
Rob left that night after Grant gave me multiple orgasms. It wasn’t my intention to push him out with my screams of pleasure, but it didn’t hurt that he left early. As much as Grant said he was going to deal with it, I had a feeling he would be dragging me everywhere with him if Rob had stuck around like he had previously planned.
It’s Saturday, and Grant had to go into Barbells this morning. When he gets back, we’re supposed to go see Mr. C, so I’m wasting time by flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch.
Sadie bounces into the room, obviously excited about something. “What’s with your chipper mood?” I ask her as she flops down onto the couch.
“Nothing,” she says and giggles with a huge smile across her face. Ignoring her, I turn toward the TV again. She’ll tell me whatever it is when she’s ready, and knowing Sadie, she won’t be able to hold out much longer.
“So, where is everyone?” she asks in an annoying sing-song voice.
“Just tell me, Sadie. What the hell’s going on?” I put the remote down and face her.
“What?” Her voice sounds like that of a child who just got caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. “Nothing, I’m just waiting for Brady to return,” she says, leaning back against the couch.
“Where is he?” I ask, irritated with this whole conversation.
“He’s out right now. So what are you and Grant doing today?” she asks, thumbing through her phone.
“Supposed to go see Mr. C. I’m just waiting for him to come back.” Just as I finish telling her this, Grant walks through the back door. Only he’s not alone. Trey and Brady follow him into the room.
Sadie quickly stands up and kisses Brady hello, and Grant takes her spot on the couch. “What’s going on, baby?” He bends down and kisses me. Trey, Brady, and Sadie leave the room without a word, and the way they’re acting, I feel as though all of their bodies have been overtaken by aliens.
“Nothing much, except that everyone’s acting weird,” I say, and he grabs my hand.
“Let’s go, I want to take you somewhere.” He smiles at me, and my hand instantly grasps his, letting him pull me up. Snaking his arms around my waist, he brings me close to him and our lips meet. His tongue mingles with mine, and as always, butterflies fill my stomach.
Leading me out to his truck, he opens the door and I happily get in. When he pulls out of the driveway, I ask, “Are we heading to Mr. C’s?” He looks at me out of the corner of his eyes.
“You’ll see,” he says mysteriously and in turn I make my best pretty, pretty please face, but he shakes his head with amusement. “Just wait.”
Five minutes later, we arrive at a small ranch house. It’s painted yellow with white shutters, and flower planters line the front door. “Whose house is this?” I ask.
“Ours?” he questions. I stare at him and realize that it’s the first time I’ve seen him this nervous. “At least…I hope it is,” he softly says. Inching across the bench, I place my hand in his. “It’s just rented, month to month until we figure out what we’re going to be doing.” I frown, remembering our conversation back in Colorado. “We’ll figure it out, Jessa,” he says, picking up on my uneasiness. But wherever we decide, we go together,” he assures me.
Not waiting any longer, he opens his door and I slide out after him. We stand on the walkway, hand in hand, staring up at a house that Grant rented for us. It’s a step I was never sure we’d reach.
He starts to walk first, guiding me to the front door. Taking out the key, he inserts it and opens the door to our place. The whole scene seems surreal. He swoops me up and I laugh as he carries me over the threshold. After he puts me down, my eyes roam the room, taking in the cutest house I’ve ever seen. Grant stays a couple steps behind me, giving me space to wander, as I explore every nook and cranny.
When I land in the master bedroom, I gasp in awe. There’s a king-sized bed covered in a nice white comforter, along with a bunch of pillows resting against a deep chocolate colored headboard. Pictures of Grant and I together are mounted on the wall, and there are smaller framed ones lining the dressers. I turn around to find him leaning against the door frame, waiting for my reaction. “I know it’s not big and we have to do some work, not to mention find furniture…”
I stop him from continuing by planting my lips on his. “I love it, Grant, it’s perfect,” I whisper.
“I have one more thing to show you,” he says and backs me up, further into the room. He guides me to the bed and I sit down, unsure of what he’s about to show me.
“Close your eyes,” he instructs and my stomach flutters rapidly, thinking this is it. “Okay, now open them.” He’s standing there shirtless, and this is not what I thought was going to happen when I opened my eyes. A smirk crosses his face when he turns around. There’s a white bandage on his top right shoulder blade.
“You went without me?” I question, disappointed. I desperately wanted to be there to watch him get his first tattoo.
“Can you put some ointment on it?” He hands me the small tube, and I start to unscrew the cap.
I get up on my knees and start to unpeel the taped corners. “What did you get?” I ask, but he doesn’t answer, instead remaining completely still. As the tattoo becomes visible, I’m happy to see he got the exact nautical star I pointed out to him in Colorado.
“Do you like it?” he asks, his voice etched with worry.
“Of course, I picked it out,” I say. As my eyes take it all in, I notice that at the corner of the north point rests a set of initials. A gasp escapes me when I see the letter ‘J’, but then I notice the ‘B’ right after it. “Are these your mom’s initials?” I question, letting my hand lightly glide over them.
“No,” he says with a laugh, and confusion hits me. I look at them again, but before I can say anything, Grant turns around and gets on one knee in front of me. “They’ll be yours, if you agree to marry me.” He opens up a black velvet box that holds a stunning, diamond solitaire in the shape of an oval. “And if you take my name,” he adds. I laugh, nodding my head. “Say it, baby,” he nudges.
“Yes!” I exclaim and jump into his arms.
Three Months Later
Grant
Jessa and I both graduated last month. She’s working in an art gallery in a neighboring city, and I’m still searching for a full-time job. In the meantime, the owner of Barbells has offered me a full-time management position, enabling us to afford the house. We’ve slowly been able to furnish it with mismatched furniture, which isn’t high-end but it’s ours. One day, I’ll give her the house she deserves, but for now we’re happy and that’s all that matters.
I lean against the trunk of the large oak tree in my tuxedo, while my gorgeous wife sits in a chair by my mom’s gravestone. Her long silky gown complements her stunning body. The revealing open back exposes the slightest trace of her lotus tattoo. She’s a breathtaking sight every day, but today she truly stopped my heart when I saw her walk down that aisle. I’m still not sure how an asshole like me managed to capture her heart.
After I proposed and she accepted, we quickly planned the wedding, seeing no reason to wait. In a small, outdoor ceremony filled with only close friends and Jessa’s family, we committed ourselves to each other for eternity.
We were on our way to small reception, but I asked her to stop here so she could open my mom’s last letter. A letter that I worried would never be opened now rests in the hands of my lovely wife.
Jessa
We pull up to the gravesite. I’ve come many times with him recently, and I thought he would want to stop here after the wedding, but when I saw the white folding chair placed by her heart-shaped stone, I was completely taken aback. Escorting me out of the limo, he places the discolored envelope in my hand. I already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. To My Daughter-In-Law is written in a beautiful cursive penmanship. Leading me up the path, he stops at the old oak tree, letting his hand drop out of mine. Nudging his head in the direction of the grave, he slowly walks toward the tree to wait for me.
I hesitantly walk up to the headstone and place my hand on top of it, hoping to feel the presence of a woman my husband loves, but that I never knew. I sit down in the chair, crossing my ankles. With a deep swallow and slow release of my breath, I run my finger along the flap, careful not to tear it. My shaking fingers take the letter out and a whiff of now familiar perfume hits my nostrils. Unfolding the paper, I will myself to get through this. With one last look at Grant by the tree, I turn back around and start to read.
Dear Mrs. Bishop,
Congratulations, Mrs. Grant David Bishop. Since my son gave you this letter, it must mean you hold his heart in your hands. This also means that he’s no longer mine. I know it must seem odd for me to say that, but even though I’ve passed away, I’ve still been the woman in Grant’s life. This is the last letter I’m writing, and it’s only fitting that it goes to the woman taking my spot.
Although I only had him for fourteen years, I hope I instilled in him the values a husband and father should possess. I won’t give you silly mother-in-law advice. I don’t care if you cook for him or clean after him. All I ask is for you to love him, fiercely and purely. Entrust him with your dreams and let him try to make them come true. Work together to keep your love alive and constant throughout both of your years. If you hold each other’s hearts and you love and respect one other, nothing will be able to come between you two.
Please take care of my baby ; he’s been without a woman in his life for far too long.
Love,
Your Mother-In-Law
XOXO
I gently wipe the tears from my eyes. Even though I never knew her, I somehow feel closer to her now. I take a few minutes to compose myself before folding the letter and placing it back inside the envelope. Kissing my fingertips, I brush them against the headstone when I stand up. His footsteps move closer and I feel his hand on the small of my back before he leans over and kisses my temple. We don’t say anything for a few minutes.
Then Grant’s voice crackles as he starts, “Hi, Mom. As you already know, Jessa and I got married today. Even though you weren’t there with us physically, I still felt you with me and I still miss you every day. Love you, Mom.” He finishes by placing a white rose at the base of the heart.
After one more goodbye, we turn around to make our way back to the limo. “So that was the last letter?” I ask.
“Unfortunately, yes,” he confirms with disappointment.
“Oh, I was hoping there was one for the father-to-be,” I tell him. He stops mid-step and stares at me. I place his hand on my belly, and his blue eyes flicker down and then back up to my face.
“No…” he says, obviously surprised. I nod my head, smiling over to him. Without speaking another word, his lips turn up and he wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me up. “You just gave me the best wedding gift any man has ever received,” he declares, genuinely excited. Holding me close, he turns back around toward where we just came from and calls out, “Did you hear that, Mom? You’re going to be a Grandma.”
When my feet touch the ground, he places his hand back on my belly, spreading his fingers over its entirety. Bending his knees so his mouth is at my stomach, he says, “Hey there, little guy.” Grants looks up and smiles at me, then continues to speak to my belly while staring into my eyes. “Or girl,” he adds. His expression turns serious when he says, “Whatever you are, know that your mom and dad already love you and nothing can ever change that. And I promise to do my best not to fuck this up.” I cock my eyebrow at him and he quickly makes amends, saying, “Sorry, I’ll work on that.” We both laugh.
His next words halt my humor abruptly. “What I’m trying to say is that I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve let down people close to me when they needed me most. Not that I’m going to be perfect all the time, but I give you my word that I’ll love you and your mom with everything I have and I’ll do my best to never let either of you down. You are both my world now, and nothing else matters to me except for the two of you.”
Tears course down my face and I wish I could blame these damn hormones, but I know that those heartfelt words would have made me cry no matter what. I really don’t know what I did to deserve this man, but I silently pledge the same sentiments that he just verbalized to our baby.
Grant stands up, places a gentle kiss on my lips, and nuzzles me close, his hand still resting on my belly. With a brief kiss just outside my ear, he whispers, “Our lives won’t be perfect, Jessa, but they will be filled with love and happiness. I promise you that.”
We stand there in a tight embrace, silently absorbing the dizzying array of emotions. Then he entwines his fingers with mine and without a word, we walk out of the cemetery and toward our new life together.
