Текст книги "Let Me In"

Автор книги: Michelle Lynn

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter 18

Jessa

Since the first night when I had my nightmare, my parents have allowed Grant to sleep in my room. Excitedly, I wheeled his suitcase into my room myself with Grant chuckling behind me. Although Grant is set on not doing anything under their roof, we have found places to release the built-up tension that exists anytime our bodies are in close proximity to one another. I might be biased but the ski lift was the best place, making me the winner of our bet, although I was happily surprised when he hijacked my massage to get a little action. Grant insists it’s not over yet, reminding me that he still has tomorrow. I find myself anticipating what could happen every time we’re together. I know he feels my excitement and suspect he’s enjoying torturing me until he finally takes me.

The dim light of my lamp is lit, and I watch as Grant reads some book regarding management. I’m not about to bother asking if it’s for school or pleasure, because most likely it’s the latter, which completely confuses me. I cuddle up to his chest, letting my fingers graze along his body. There’s something about him in glasses that turns me on. Maybe it’s that he looks so intellectual, and I’m having the whole professor fantasy every girl has. Shifting my leg between his, I start inching closer to his neck. He moves his eyes from the book down to me and I bat my eyelashes, trying to get him interested. “You know we can’t Jessa,” he tells me, turning his attention back to his book.

I begin to give him butterfly kisses across his chest, making my way up to his neck. “Grant,” I say, and he responds with an ‘uh-huh’ while keeping his eyes focused on the book. “Have you ever been in love before?” His body tenses under my touch and he slowly puts the book down on the nightstand. This thought has crossed my mind from time to time, ever since he told me he loved me. He’s never brought up previous girlfriends or any relationships prior to me.

“Why are you asking me?” He removes his arm from behind me and sits up in the bed. It’s obvious that I’ve hit on something and I’m suddenly overcome by curiosity.

“I’m just wondering. I’ve told you about Jason, but you’ve never said anything about anyone.” I follow his body language, sitting up and crossing my legs.

“Was there ever someone else besides Jason?” he asks and I shake my head.

“No. I had a few boyfriends, but Jason was the only one I thought I loved,” I admit.

“Thought?” he smirks, already assuming the answer.

“Yes, thought,” I confirm with a smile, playfully smacking him in the chest.

“Good, that’s what I want to hear,” he says happily, swinging his arms around me, pulling me closer.

“Grant?” I ask again and apprehension flows through me. Since it’s obvious he’s dodging my question, I fear I’m about to find out a hidden secret about him that I may not want to know.

“Jessa, I don’t really want to talk about the past,” he tells me, but he has to know at this point I’m not going to let him brush it aside.

I wiggle out of his arms and sit up, my knees resting along the side of his stomach. “You know I’m not going to stop asking, right?” I cock my eyebrow at him and he grins.

“Yeah, but it was worth a try.” He shrugs his shoulder, exhaling a deep breath. “Are you sure you want to know, Jessa?” he asks, peeking at me through his eyelashes. I nod and surprisingly, he immediately starts talking. “Just like you, I thought I was in love too. I met her my senior year of high school when she’d transferred in.”

“What was her name?” I interrupt him, and he releases an exasperated breath.

“Lizzy,” he reveals. “Anyway, I met her in chemistry class. We ended up being partners. Long story short, I assumed I loved her until…you.” He gives me a small smile, reaches over and kisses me.

“That’s it?” I question, fully aware he’s holding back from me.

“What else is there to say?”

“I don’t know, Grant, maybe, like what happened?” I sarcastically ask him, and he blows his breath out the side of his mouth.

“You want the whole story, don’t you?” he clarifies. I’m never one to take half the truth and wait patiently until the bomb drops on my doorstep. Although, judging by the expression on Grant’s face, I’m terrified that I’ve just walked into a mine field.

He takes a sip from of his water bottle, trying to delay the inevitable. I wait patiently for him to divulge more of his past, praying this is the last of Grant Bishop’s secrets. “Okay…like I said, we met senior year and started dating almost immediately. I think I told her I loved her within two weeks and she said she loved me. Looking back on it now, I guess I was desperate to find someone to love. Losing my mom made me crave love, especially the unconditional kind, and Lizzy gave me what I needed. She didn’t have much family either, just a drug-addicted father and a mother who worked more hours than she was home. We spent all our time together and even talked about marriage after college. Although I had planned on attending Western, she was going to go to community college first.”

He takes another sip of his water and my stomach clenches in anticipation of what he’s going to reveal next. But I’m the one who wanted to know, so I need to face the fact that another girl loved Grant once upon a time. “Her home life started getting bad when her mom got back together with her dad, making Lizzy’s life miserable. Not only was he passed out from being high most of the time, but strange men and women were always hanging around the house. I went over there on more than one occasion, sneaking her out of her bedroom, and we would walk around the block until the party either broke up or everyone passed out for the night.” He stops and stares at me, as though questioning if I’ll be okay once I hear the remaining part of the story.

I place my hand over his. “It’s alright, Grant. I can handle it,” I assure him and he nods.

“Come here,” he requests and I scoot up, letting him hold me. “It was not only the anniversary of my mother’s death, but it was also Super Bowl Sunday. Lizzy had been grounded, but I begged her to come with me to my mom’s gravesite. She was reluctant, but I pushed and prodded until I finally wore her down. I convinced her that her dad would pass out soon and not even notice she was gone. Sneaking her out of her bedroom window, I walked her to my car that was parked down the street. I took her to the gravesite to introduce her to my mom.” He rubs his hand along my shoulder, feeling how tense my body just became. I can’t help but think that he’s never taken me there. “We got back to her house and saw that the driveway was empty, so we thought we were in the clear. Lizzy was just going to go in to change and put a pillow under her comforter so we could go to my friend’s party. We only got half-way up the walkway when her dad stepped out. Lizzy stopped and starting walking backward to me. He was higher than I’d ever seen him, and Lizzy seemed scared. He screamed and yelled at both of us, because she wasn’t supposed to leave the house.” Grant shakes his head, as if reliving the memory, but wanting it to stop.

“Lizzy tried to calm him down, but it seemed like whatever she said just got him angrier. Eventually, he slapped her and that’s when I stepped in front of her. He immediately started challenging me. I really tried to keep it together, but hearing Lizzy’s cries behind me, I couldn’t contain myself. Anger at everything he’d put her through seeped into my pores and I started punching him over and over again until Lizzy pulled me off. I told Lizzy to get her stuff, that we were going to leave, and she wouldn’t be coming back. When we walked into the house, her mom was lying on the floor by the couch with blood running from her nose and mouth. Lizzy ran to her in hysterics, falling to her knees, but her mom was already dead. We didn’t know what had happened before we got there, but I called the paramedics and the police.” Grant looks down at me and I give him another reassuring nod.

“When the police came, we were all questioned. The paramedics took her mom’s body away and then her dad was taken to the hospital. Lizzy just sat in the middle of the room, where she rocked back and forth with a blank expression on her face. The police took her to the station and I followed in my car. Since she was already eighteen, she didn’t have to go into foster care, and I thought it’d be the perfect time for us to make a break from Western. But it seemed she had another idea.” His voice is slightly shaky and he pauses for a moment before continuing.

“I went to the bathroom while she was talking to the detectives. When I came out, she was gone. The detective told me that they’d just released her and assumed I’d taken her home. I ran outside to see if she was waiting for me, but the streets were empty. On the windshield of my car, there was a folded-up letter. It pretty much said that I deserved better than her, and that she was leaving town and I shouldn’t look for her. But I knew the real reason. She blamed me for making her sneak out of the house, and how could she not? If I hadn’t been so selfish, she would’ve been home. Of course, I still hopped in my car and drove the streets, but it was as though she had vanished.” He stops talking and takes a deep breath.

“It tore me up, Jessa. She didn’t even come back for her mom’s funeral. I’m not even sure she knows how it all happened. See, her mom died of an overdose, not because of a beating from her father. But her dad still got three years in prison for the drugs they found on him.” He seems dejected, but he gives me a small grin. “Her dad was the man in the diner that night, the one with the dagger tattoo on his arm.” I nod my head, remembering him clearly.

“So you never heard from her again?” I ask, hoping like hell he hasn’t.

“No, and I was messed up for years. Probably all the way up until I met you. It’s what kind of made me not want to fall in love,” he confesses. And although his story breaks my heart, I can’t help but feel pleased to know that I’m the one who brought him back.

“Do you ever think about finding her?” I bite my lip in apprehension of his answer.

“I did for a while, but now…I know what I felt for her might’ve seemed like love, but it wasn’t the ever after kind. You gave me that, Jessa,” he finishes and kisses the top of my head. I can’t hide my happiness as I stare up at his blue eyes that are filled with sorrow but also love…love for me.

Grant

God, it’s such a relief that it’s all out there. No more secrets. Jessa knows everything, and she seems okay with it. I turn off the light and wrap my body around hers. She sighs slightly, and when I hear her faint breathing, I know she’s asleep. I wish I could sleep. You’d think I’d be able to, knowing I’m not keeping anymore secrets from her. Sure, I held back the part where I searched every nearby town for three months after Lizzy left. Or how I was able to sweet talk the lady at the phone company to give me her call logs. I chased all those leads, leaving me with nothing before they went cold completely, and I assumed she’d ditched her phone for a new one.

But Jessa doesn’t need to hear those details. They don’t matter, because I love her. I love her so much more than I ever loved Lizzy. Looking back, Lizzy was a love I was desperate for, not a love I necessarily desired. I just wanted someone to love me, and since Lizzy had so many problems at home, I think I liked being her savior. The feeling of someone needing me made me feel as though I mattered. Of course, the disadvantage to feeling that way is that I was reduced to nothing when she left. How does someone who supposedly loves you so much just up and leave, tearing your heart to shreds?

As much as it killed me when Lizzy left, holding Jessa in my arms reconfirms that it all happened for a reason. It lead me here, with Jessa. I hope Lizzy’s happy with whatever life she’s built for herself, but I need to let her go. If Jessa and I are truly going to make it, I have to release the guilt I’ve been carrying around for these past few years.

I slip my arm out from under Jessa and stand up to make my way to the kitchen. When I turn the corner, I’m surprised to find Brady leaning against the counter. He looks disheveled and worried with his head resting in one hand, while the other twirls a beer bottle around in a circle.

“What are you doing up, man?” I ask him, walking toward the fridge. I grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter across from him.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he answers, not bothering to look up.

“Why not?” I ask and he finally lifts his head. The agony in his eyes is clear.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he says, cocking an eyebrow at me.

“Yeah, but I asked first,” I joke and he gives me an empty laugh.

“You got me there,” he says before adding, “I think it’s time, and I’m kind of freaking out.”

“You lost me, time for what?” I twist the lid off and let the cool water flow down my throat.

“Time to propose to Sadie. I bought the ring a month ago, but haven’t had the nerve to do it.” He starts peeling the label off his full beer bottle.

“You guys are awesome together. I thought you got through all that bullshit?” To say Sadie and Brady’s path to love was hard is an understatement, but they made it. I don’t know what to think now. If Brady’s worried about the two of them, what am I supposed to think about me and Jessa? They were my example of how-to-make-it-to-forever-land.

“What if I end up like one of them? I would never forgive myself for doing that to Sadie.”

“Brady, we aren’t our parents. You have to stop thinking we’ll turn into them. They made their mistakes, and we’ll probably make ours, but not necessarily the same ones. You love Sadie, right?” I ask, already knowing his answer. It’s most likely the same way I feel for Jessa.

“More than my next breath.” A smile spreads across his lips, just thinking about her.

“Then let it go. Love her and let her love you. The rest will fall into place,” I tell him, and before Brady can say something smart-ass, I already realize I should take my own advice.

“Pretty good advice there, Mr. Unemotional,” he teases. Straightening up, he pours out his beer in the sink before disposing of the bottle.

“I’m like a teacher, except I can’t seem to take my own advice,” I admit and he chuckles.

“You’re getting there. Did you tell her yet?” The look in his eyes makes me thankful that I can give him the answer he wants to hear.

“Yeah…she knows everything now. No more secrets.”

“Good, that’s the way it should be. Now just love her, and more importantly, let her love you.” He clasps his hand on my shoulder and walks out of the room.

I finish my water at the breakfast table, loving the fact that Jessa and I are finally on the same page. For the first time since before Lizzy entered my life, I feel ready. Ready to give myself over to someone else entirely. Who am I kidding though? Jessa’s held my heart since that kiss on New Year’s Eve. It was only a matter of when she was going to get the rest of me.

Standing up to leave the kitchen, I’m thrown off guard when I see Trey sneaking in the front door. The smirk across his face tells me he finally scored with Kailey. “Hey, man,” he whispers as he walks in.

“Hey, Trey. Kailey?” I raise my eyebrows.

“Yeah, man, she has me all screwed up.” He sits down on the stool I just occupied, and I sigh, feeling obligated to join him. Walking over to the fridge, I grab another water and toss it to him. “Thanks,” he says.

“So, why does she have you so screwed up?” I ask him, leaning against the counter.

“She hasn’t slept with me yet,” he tells me, unscrewing his bottle cap. I can’t figure out the look on his face, but it almost seems like sadness.

“Okay, we only have two more nights before we’re back in Western,” I remind him. In the short time I’ve known Trey, I’ve realized that he isn’t a relationship guy. I wasn’t either…until Jessa. Then it dawns on me. “Shit, are you fucking kidding me? Trey Michaels is falling?” my voice raises and Trey pushes his arms down in the air, silently telling me to quiet down.

“I might have already fallen.” His head lies low while he’s twirling the bottle around. Why do I feel like the one who has his shit together tonight? First Brady and now Trey. Who would’ve ever thought I would be the one with no drama? My only problem right now is that I want to be in bed with Jessa. Instead, I’m stuck out here giving advice. But hey, God only knows it’s time to give back for all the advice I’ve needed recently.

“Do you think she feels the same?” I ask him. From his expression, you would assume no.

“I honestly don’t know. That’s why I’m so fucked up. When I touch her, she shivers. She never pulls away when I grab her hand, and when I put my arm around her shoulders, she melts into me. But when I tried to kiss her, she stopped me and said she has too much going on in her life right now, and that she can’t get involved with someone. I’ll admit that when this started, I just thought she was hot and I wanted to fuck her. Now, only four short days later, my head is all over the place,” he finishes. I admire him for being so forthcoming. I’ve never been able to be that open with anyone, not even Brady. He’s just known me so long, he’s able to read my facial expressions and body movements.

“Give her time. Remember, it’s only been four days,” I attempt to assure him, but I know how he feels. I was right there with Jessa, especially when I had to see her with Rob.

“I just wish I could shake her from my mind.” He shakes his head back and forth, biting the corner of his lip in apparent thought. “I think I’ll go get a tattoo tomorrow. That should calm me.” His face lights up just thinking about it. “Speaking of which?” He smirks up at me, and I instantly know she’s told him.

“Jesus, does she tell you everything?” I chuckle. Normally, I would’ve been upset for my girlfriend to have such a close relationship with another guy, but if Jessa was going to get together with Trey, it would’ve already happened. It took me a little while to get used to how close they are, but over time, I’ve gotten better with it.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he deadpans, and then starts laughing. “I have to say, it makes me jealous. Here I am, not getting anything, and you’re not only getting it, but in some awesome places, I might add.” He takes another sip of his water. Looking at him now, it makes me wonder why he and Jessa never got involved. Anyone looking at them would think they’d make a good couple. Trey isn’t half as fucked up as I am. A twinge of jealousy hits me at the thought of them together, but I quickly push it aside, knowing she’s with me and nothing will change that.

“It’s been fun, that’s for damn sure, but I have to top hers and I only have one more day left,” I tell him.

“You’ll think of something. Aren’t you guys going out, just the two of you, tomorrow night?” he asks and I nod.

“Yeah, then we’ll meet you all at Sam’s. I’ve gotta tell you, I’m a little worried about her going down to Boulder.” Trey is the only other person who knows Jessa’s entire story besides Sadie and me.

“We’ll all be there to make sure nothing goes down,” he assures me. I do feel better, but I still worry what will happen if anyone says anything to her. I don’t want her going into a depression again. I keep that from Trey, because although Jessa tells him a lot, I don’t think he knows how bad it was for her after the incident.

“Yeah, maybe he’ll be there and I can beat his ass,” I say with a smile.

“I’ll be right behind you,” he says. “That jackass deserves multiple beat-downs.” He stands up from the stool and I’m thankful. After all this talk about Jessa, I’m desperate to get back in bed with her to feel her small body up against mine.

Trey and I walk down the hall and then give each other a fist bump when we reach our separate bedrooms. Jessa looks so peaceful and serene lying in her bed. Not able to wait another second, I crawl under the covers with her, pulling her to me. Kissing her temple, I whisper, “I love you, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”