Текст книги "Beautiful Storm"

Автор книги: Megan Isaacs

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

HER WARM AND tender hand brushes over my back, sending shockwaves to my already painfully swollen cock.

“Don’t.” I spit out the word, withdrawing away from her. “Just… don’t.” The words die on my lips as pain grips at my chest.

I’m a walking mass of contradictions. My body’s begging for release, for me to thrust back inside her, and finish what I started… what she started. But my mind’s racing with everything she’s told me and the fact that she’s not fucking mine. Never been mine. Fuck. I only want a taste of her, to feel her soften beneath me, to hear those breathy gasps that leave her body when my hands roam over her.

No fucking willpower, you stupid bastard.

All I’ve done is create a mess of epic proportions. She didn’t need that; she didn’t need me taking from her. She’s already had far too much taken from her. No woman should have to go through what she has. The grip on my heart tightens a fraction more.

At least that kills the hard-on I was rocking. Shame it didn’t stop it from rising to the occasion in the first fucking place.

Lizzie’s gentle but tortured laugh breaks through my thoughts. I give up the fight and turn to look at her. The pain etched on her face almost brings me to my knees.

“I’m more yours than you could ever realise, Noah.” Her stormy eyes scan my face as she continues. “Half of me has always been here with you.”

My heart races with her words, but there’s hesitation in her tone and uncertainty in her features. Her shoulders stiffen, but her eyes light up, causing the pounding in my chest to stop mid beat.

She takes a deep breath. “I’ve loved you for so long, but there’s something I need to tell you.” Her gaze flicks to the floor before returning to rest on my face, looking me square in the eye. “There’s someone else in my life now, he’s…”

No, no, no, no, no. Fuck no!

“Stop. I don’t want to fucking hear it.” Furious, I raise my palm to her to cut her off.

I do a quick scan for my clothes. Picking them up, I shrug them on violently. I feel like I’m having déjà vu. My head is a mass of screaming obscenities and… Alex. Fuck. Why didn’t I remember that bastard before I stuck my cock in her?

“Noah, let me explain,” her soft voice pleads with me, trying to continue, to make me listen. “He’s…”

Pain ricochets through every part of my body. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Fucking. Hear. It.” I can’t take it, not again. The last remaining burnt and crusted parts of my heart disintegrate to dust.

Never enough.

I need to get out. Get away from the fucking woman that has tormented me for years.

“Noah!” Her voice cracks with something, probably fucking guilt.

I turn to face her for a fraction of a second. My eyes hopefully show her they’re as black as my soul. In that moment, I realise that I let her break me.

Never fucking mine.

I push out the last few words. “Show yourself out.” Turning around, I walk away, slamming the door shut behind me.

Striding out into the workshop, I notice Spud trying to look busy by shifting tools around. Fuck. When did he come back from his test drive? Every muscle in my body is taut with anger, my fists clenched. He raises his chin to me in greeting, and tension radiates off him. I glance over my shoulder at the back room door.

Great, he fucking heard me get shafted again.

“You going to Macy’s?”

It’s a small question from Spud, which implies so much. Unable to speak, I nod in acknowledgement. Patting my pockets to check for my key and wallet, I head out of the open roller shutters and to the two places I can lose myself. My bike, and my constant companion—the bottom of a bottle.

She loves someone else.

My world explodes for the second time. How do I move past this fucking nightmare? All this time I’ve been hanging on to the tiny sliver of hope that maybe she loved me, but she loves someone else. It’s got to be that Alex fucker.

“Fill me up, Suzie?” I bang my empty bottle down. My words slur and my brain’s foggy. I just want some peace from the constant replay in my head.

“There’s someone else in my life now…”

I place my forehead on my folded arms on the bar top. I’m a mess. I know I’m a mess. That’s why she doesn’t love me, because I’m a mess. My fucking emotions are all over the place. I hear a new bottle being placed in front of me, but I can’t look up because then Suzie would see me naked.

Maybe she’d like to?

“Noah, do you want me to call Bear?” Her concerned voice intrudes on my personal hell.

I don’t lift my head, but shake it, hoping she’ll get the message and leave me the fuck alone. No one can fill this ache.

“It’s all right, Suz. I’ve got it from here.”

I recognise the voice as Spud’s, but my head’s swimming. My vision’s swimming, in fact, the whole world’s swimming. This is what it must feel like to be a fish being dragged to the surface.

“Come on, mate, home time.” Spud pats me on the back and I lift my head to look at him, but it feels too heavy and falls back onto my arms. I roll it to the side instead and squint at him. The lights are far too bright.

“I just want to be on my own. Leave me alone,” I manage to mumble out.

“I know, mate. But you can be alone once I get you home. Okay?”

What he says makes some sort of sense in my fuddled brain so I try to stand but haphazardly fall into him instead. My legs give way under my weight.

“Whoa, steady, Noah. You’re going to land on your arse if you’re not careful.”

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve the friends I have. I rack my brain thinking of a reason but come up empty-handed. Well, at least I chose them right. I’m not so shit-hot at choosing the right woman, though.

“She doesn’t love me,” I mutter under my breath, as Spud drags me out of the bar, taking my weight on his shoulders.

“Who? Lizzie?”

Who fucking else? I nod my drunken head wearily. “She doesn’t love me. She loves him.” The finality of the statement I just made makes me want to cry. And if I had enough strength, I’d knock myself out cold.

“Fuck, man, you’re making no sense. I knew I’d find you in a state. I shouldn’t have fucking left you this long,” he says, more to himself than me.

We reach his van and Spud props me up against the side while he finds his keys and unlocks the doors. He turns back just as I begin to slide down the side. Grabbing hold of my T-shirt, he then lifts me, and hauls me into the passenger side.

“Bloody hell, have you been bathing in the stuff? You smell like shit.”

He doesn’t wait for an answer and slams the door. The sound of it makes my head pound. My eyelids begin to droop. I’m so fucking tired. I just want to go to sleep. As my eyes close, I hear him make a phone call.

“Hi, it’s me. Yeah, I’ve got him. He’s in a right state… No, that’s really not a good idea, mate. He’s shit-faced. I’m taking him home. What? I don’t think so. Hold on a minute. I’ll ask but I don’t know if I’ll get a coherent answer.” Spud directs his conversation at me.

“Noah, you bagged anyone tonight?”

What the hell is he asking me for? Have I? I think I did, but it could have been my imagination. A vision flashes in my mind, caramel hair and storm grey eyes.

“Lizzie,” I choke out.

“It’s okay, mate.” Spud pats me on the head.

Am I a fucking dog, tonight? He returns to his phone conversation.

“No, mate. He mentioned Lizzie, and that’s it… Cool. See you later.” He hangs up.

I think I must have passed out, as I wake up to Spud trying to lug me out of his van. I pull back and refuse to move, using all my weight to keep me seated.

“Where are we?” I slur.

“I brought you back to my house. At least that way we can make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit.” His sarcastic tone doesn’t get lost in translation. He must think I’m pathetic.

“I’m not going to puke. Take me home,” I demand, though the words don’t even make sense to my own ears.

He sighs and points a finger at me. “Too late, man. Look at your T-shirt.”

Sure enough, there’re the usual diced carrots I never eat in a wonderful trail down my front. I groan at the sight. I must have puked while I was passed out. Nice.

“Sorry, man,” I mutter. Shame washes over me.

“No worries, it’s all over you, not my van. But you do owe me a lifetime supply of air freshener though. Oh, and Catlin’s going to kill you.”

I groan again but drag my arse out of his van. The cool air hits me hard, waking me up, which is not a good thing. Now I know how drunk I actually am. When you are completely wasted your mind shuts down and you have no idea how bad things actually are. When you sober slightly, things become a million times worse.

I can smell vomit now, unsurprisingly, which is making my stomach roil again. My legs can barely take my weight and my eyes won’t stop rolling in their sockets. I’m a walking disaster zone.

“I need a shower,” I utter quietly, murmuring more to myself than Spud as we walk up to his home.

“No shit.” My sister’s voice pierces through my splitting head. “And you’re damn well having one before you get anywhere near my spare bed.”

Caitlin’s lying in wait at the front door. I’m lucky she’s not armed with a frying pan. Pregnancy hormones are making her more unforgiving than usual. She looks like a Weeble so I find it hard to take her seriously, even when I know I should. I start sniggering, which earns me the look of death. In turn, it only makes me laugh harder.

“Spud, please get shithead into the shower. Now,” she orders.

Her tone is clipped, and not one to be argued with, so I hang my head and weave after Spud into their home and up to the bathroom. I stumble into the shower fully dressed and collapse to the floor. Spud kindly removes my boots before unkindly turning the shower on me.

“Cheers, mate, I think.” I look up at him. His sad eyes stare back at me.

“When are you going to stop doing this shit to yourself? Caitlin’s worried out of her mind about you. In all honesty, both me and Bear are worried, too. Look, I know this is how you deal, but you’re going to kill yourself if you carry on like this.” I just stare helplessly at him and he shakes his head. What the fuck does he want me to say? I know I’m a fucking mess.

“Here’s a towel. You’ve got some extra clothes in the dresser in the spare room.” He goes to walk out the bathroom but turns back. “Just try not to injure yourself, okay?”

I nod at him as he closes the door and leaves me on my own. When did I turn into such a waste of space? Even with my drink-addled brain I know I’m on a destructive path again. If I have any chance at winning over Lizzie, no matter how minuscule, then I need to clean up my act big fucking time. The last thing she would want or need is another self-destructive wanker in her life.

Every woman wants a man who adores her, a knight in shining armour to protect and ultimately support her, but tonight I’ve been nothing but a giant fuck-up.

Do I still want her?

My stupid pride wouldn’t let me listen to her. I didn’t want to have what’s left of my heart crushed again. But what if I’d listened, what then? My life is full of what-ifs when it comes to that woman. What if I’d stood my ground and not left the first time? What if I’d not walked out the door? What if I’d begged her to marry me? What fucking if?

The realisation I just thought about marrying her hits me like a sledgehammer. Is that what I really want? I ponder on the thought for all of a second. Fuck yes, that’s what I want. I want my ring on her finger. I want her to have my name. I want everyone to know she’s mine. I want her to have my children and I want her to know she’s the reason I breathe.

I better get my shit together and start fighting for what I want instead of running away. I’ve been so afraid of being torn to shreds, I’ve never fought. I’ve given up before I’ve begun. She’s got to be mine. I need her to be mine.

I peel off my drenched clothes, have a half-arsed wash, and stagger out of the shower with a new outlook on my life. Basically, stop being a fucking whingeing fucked-up bastard. Yeah, that about sums it up. Wrapping a towel around my waist, I stumble out onto the landing and into the spare room.

Caitlin’s due soon and the room’s stacked with new baby stuff, making me feel like a prize tosser for putting her through one of my meltdowns. I flop down onto the bed and lie spread out like a starfish, sinking into the marshmallow duvet that Cait has put on it. She really loves soft shit. And tonight, I’m grateful.

And as if on cue the world begins to rotate.

“Wakey-wakey, sunshine.” Caitlin’s voice invades my dreamless sleep, jolting me into reality. With a start, I sit up abruptly, silently thankful for spewing my guts up last night, otherwise I’d be on the run to the bathroom.

“Ever heard of privacy?” I grumble at her beaming face.

“Ever heard of clothes?” she counters.

Looking down, I instantly grab for the duvet to cover my morning glory.

“Again, ever heard of privacy?” I snark at her.

“What? Don’t tell me the great Noah ‘Sex God’ Hamilton is shy of little old me seeing his penis?”

“Piss off, Caitlin.”

She chuckles at me as she waddles out of the door. “Noah?” she shouts from the landing.

“Yeah?”

“You pull a stunt like last night again and I’ll be chopping it off in your sleep. Women’s hearts will break all over the world… Oh, and breakfast is ready.”

“Heard you loud and clear, on both counts.”

I heave myself out of bed and shuffle over to the dresser in search of clothes. Finding what I need, I throw them on and head downstairs to find a welcoming committee. Bear’s leant against the kitchen units with a steaming cup of tea in his hands. Spud’s sitting at the breakfast bar reading the morning paper. He and Cait look up as I walk in.

“Morning,” I mumble, looking at the floor, and walk over to Caitlin to give her a hug.

She steps into my arms and I bend down to whisper in her ear. “Thanks for not decapitating Noah Junior, and for giving me yet another chance.” I kiss the top of her head, and she leans back slightly to look up at me then sighs.

“Little brother, I love you. I’d give you a million chances. I just wish I didn’t have to.”

It’s only at this point I realise the effect my piss-poor conduct has been having on my family. I glance around the room and stare at the guys, then back at Cait. Everyone looks like death warmed up. I release Caitlin and go make myself a cup of coffee. They’re all uncharacteristically quiet like they are waiting for me to say something. I spoon in the coffee granules, add a couple of sweeteners, and pour in a splash of milk, then turn to address my adoring crowd.

“I’m sorry, okay?” I feel like I’m on the naughty step and waiting for punishment.

Bear’s the first to respond. “Shit, man, you’re going to be the death of all of us. You do realise that, don’t you?”

“Look, I know I’ve been dealing badly but—”

“Badly?” He cuts me off. “More like you bought a one-way ticket to hell. Do you have any idea the amount of shit I had to deal with from Layla? You owe me, mate, and when I say owe me, I mean it’s a give-me-your-first-born sort of debt. That woman is hell on wheels.”

He talks to Layla? When the hell did they become friends?

Bear may sound pissed, but there’s a glint in his eye, which isn’t usually there.

He continues. “Normally I don’t give a shit, mate, but do you know if you screwed anyone last night?”

“Why the fuck is everyone so interested in whether or not I got fucking laid last night?” I glare at him.

“It may have to do with the fact that Lizzie was just a little annoyed you didn’t finish something you started, and was exceptionally troubled at the thought of you finishing it somewhere else.”

Well, fuck me. “She told you?”

“What? God no, but I’ve been getting shit from Layla all night. What do you think that was about?” Shit, how much does he tell this woman?

Initially I’m stunned into silence, but then my annoyance surfaces. “It wouldn’t matter a shit if I fucked every single woman in the northern hemisphere. She sure as hell doesn’t need me, she’s got someone else.”

“Are you completely deranged, Noah?” This comes from Spud.

“Why would you ask me that?” I whip my head around to glare at him, but it’s Cait who answers.

“Have you actually listened to anything she’s said to you?”

My head’s splitting, my sanity has frayed and my family is ganging up on me in Lizzie’s defence.

What the fuck?

“I’ve heard every damn word she’s said,” I snap. “Why do I get the feeling you all know something I don’t?”

I glance around at my family and their faces tell me all I need to know without them opening their mouths. Again, what the fuck?

“Well, is anybody going to fill me in?”

They all look at each other and then simultaneously shake their heads.

Cait walks over to me and places her hand on my forearm. “You need to hear what she has to tell you, and this time, you need to listen.”

Bear leans forward and places his mug down. “Cheers for the coffee, but I’ve got to run,” he states, nodding towards the clock on the wall. He fist bumps Spud and then thumps me hard on the back. “Don’t get yourself in any shit today. I’ve got a really busy day.”

“I’m not a fucking child,” I retort.

“Then stop behaving like one,” Bear answers coldly.

“What’s so childish about getting wasted?”

“It’s not the getting wasted part that’s the problem. It’s the burying your head in the sand shit. I’ve told you before, man the fuck up and sort your shit out, before it’s too late. We’ve pulled you back from the precipice once. Now you need to do that shit on your own.” Bear sighs and his shoulders drop. “Look, man, there’s a bigger picture here and you need to see it for yourself.”

What the hell do I say to that?

THE MEMORIES OF the previous afternoon cling in my mind. The smouldering touch of Noah’s roaming hands burning trails over my skin. His greedy mouth taking everything from my lips, demanding surrender. The heat from his desperate body moving deep inside mine. My nether regions clench at the memory. Sighing, I shift in bed trying to relieve the tingling feeling.

My thoughts slip from passion to devastation. He left me again. The fuzzy feeling wilts. Reliving the pain of seeing the fire in his eyes being extinguished grasps at my heart. I have only ever seen his eyes darken that much once before. The day I ripped our worlds apart. Swiping the tears, which track down my cheeks, I shift again and wrap my arms around myself.

Why couldn’t he just listen?

Restless, I get up and out of the warmth and comfort of Layla’s guest bed. Heading out of the room, I go and stick my head in Layla’s room. She’s not there.

“Boo?”

“In here,” her muffled reply sounds from the bathroom.

“You want me to stick the kettle on?” I ask through the door.

“No need. I’ve already made a pot of tea. I’ll be down in a minute.”

I nod my head, though she can’t see me, and amble my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, still dressed in my pyjamas. Layla’s kitchen is such a homely place. Being an old Victorian town house, there are fireplaces in most rooms, and she’s restored them all. The one in the kitchen is lit, giving off a warm glow and gentle heat, which is comforting, and takes the chill off the cool summer morning.

The room is filled with an eclectic mix of knick-knacks, furniture, and kitchen products. I smile to myself because it’s all so Boo. I pour myself a cup of tea and sit at the old oak table she has near the fireplace, pull my legs up and lose myself in the burning embers, which resemble Noah’s eyes. So much so that when she comes into the room I don’t hear her. When she scrapes a chair back at the table it makes me jump and I spill hot tea down my front.

“God.” I jump up from the table to get a cloth and wipe myself down.

“You okay?” Layla asks from the table.

I groan and look over to her. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I huff, and return to the chair. Again, I lift my legs up, but this time I wrap my arms around them and rest my chin on my knees.

“I spoke to Ted again after you fell asleep. If it’s any help, Spud found Noah and took him home. Apparently there were no other women involved,” Layla offers with a smile.

My worst fear. Noah’s coping mechanisms—alcohol and women. I can’t escape the visions in my head thanks to Noah’s talk of threesomes. Layla’s comment helps to relieve some of the ache in my chest. The thought that he would leave and touch someone else like he did me makes me feel physically ill. I swallow deeply.

“I just don’t see how we are ever going to be able to sit down and have a conversation,” I continue and then sigh. “The physical attraction is what it’s always been. It was always a good thing in the past, but now…”

I don’t really know how to finish the sentence. The fact we want to tear each other’s clothes off, even after all this time, has got to be a good thing. Hasn’t it?

Layla’s expression grows concerned as she speaks again. “You’re worried that’s all it is, right?”

“I just don’t know how we move forward, if we can move forward. It’s all so messed up. And he’s still pushing me away.” The words hang in the air for a few seconds.

“No one said this was going to be easy, hun. You’ve been apart for three years, a lot has happened in that time… For both of you.” She takes a drink from her mug. “Talking of which, have you spoken to—”

“Of course I have. Not that I can get a conversation out of him, he’s enjoying himself too much.” I feel a different squeeze on my heart. “I really miss him, but I don’t get the feeling it’s mutual.” I half moan and smile at the same time.

“I’m sure he misses you like crazy, it’s just you’re the one that was left behind while he went off visiting friends. He’s fine. You’ve got abandonment issues.”

She’s really amused herself and laughs her heart out. It’s infectious. Finally the weight in my mind lifts slightly, and I laugh along with her.

“Yes, you’re right. I suppose it’s best he missed out on all this drama, though. At least I can keep that from him. He only knows I’m visiting you.”

“Cool. Well, give him my love next time you speak to him, okay?”

“Of course, I will. He’ll be here in a couple of days, and you can tell him yourself.” I squirm in my seat a little, as an uncomfortable feeling washes over me. “Do you think Noah will understand?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Not a chance.” Blunt and to the point, that’s Layla. “If the shoe was on the other foot, would you? But he’ll come around.”

“How can you be so sure? I’m not certain I could forgive him. I mean, the one-night stands are one thing, because we aren’t together, but this is much more than that. I think it would break my heart if he did the same to me.”

“Because Noah loves you enough,” she says, like the statement would solve world peace. “And you would come to terms with it eventually, you’d have to. The bigger question is do you think he’ll understand about Noah?”

“He knows all about Noah.” My hackles come up. I take a drink of my tea and fidget with the mug in my hands. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Layla’s front door slams and heavy footsteps pound down the hall. I jerk as she touches me and my world halts.

“It’s okay, Lizzie, it’s just—” Before she can finish her sentence, a blond-haired man comes strolling into the kitchen like he owns the place. “Ted.”

“Morning, ladies.”

My heart races and my palms go clammy.

“You bloody halfwit,” Layla snaps at him. “Do you have any idea what you just did to Lizzie?”

His jaw drops and he gapes at me. So this is Noah’s friend, Ted, but he calls him Bear. I’m sure I look the image of loveliness with perspiration dripping from my forehead, as cold sweats engulf my body. Loud noises can still make me uncomfortable, unless I’m with Noah. Even when he’s angry, I never feel threatened, just safe.

He turns back to Layla. “Is she okay? She looks like she saw a ghost.”

“Don’t you ever think?” she scolds. These two must be closer than Layla has let on for him to just wander in.

“Why, what did I do?” he asks, his eyes wide and tone exasperated,

She looks at him as if he’s stupid and an expression of understanding flows over his face. It appears Layla has clued him in on some of my situation as it relates to his friend. Unsurprising when Ted is the only reason Noah calmed down outside the coffee shop.

Ted turns to me with a regretful expression on his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” My heart’s still racing, and I want to be alone. I get up out of my chair. “I’ll leave you both to it. I’m just going to go and have a shower.” I walk over to the sink and place my mug down. As I’m walking out, his fingers wrap around my arm, making me turn back to look up at him.

When he’s not making loud noises he has a comforting presence, much like Noah’s, but he’s a few inches taller.

“He’s a mess, you know,” he informs me.

He’s talking about Noah, and from the pain in his green eyes, I know he’s telling the truth. I drop my gaze to the floor, finding it difficult to look him in the eye, and let out a long breath before glancing back up. I know Noah’s hurting, and in turn that only increases the pain I’m already suffering. But at least I tried to fix us, which is more than I can say for him.

What a way to meet Noah’s best friend.

“Well, that makes two of us,” I say, and walk out of the room. As I near the bottom of the stairs, I turn and glance back down the hallway into the kitchen, just as Ted envelops Boo into his arms.

“He’s my best friend, Layla. I can’t hide it from him for much longer.” He rests his chin on the top of her head. “It’ll kill him if he finds out before she has the balls to tell him. He’s already hit the bottle again, and I don’t know how long we can keep him from self-destructing. She really has no idea the effect she has on him.”

My chest tightens. She told him everything?

Layla relaxes in his arms. They’re clearly more than friends. “Just give her a few more days, okay? Can you do that for me?” She leans back and looks up into his eyes.

I hear him exhale. “Okay, a few days.” He nods. “I think we can hold him together that long. But after that I’m telling him. He deserves to know the truth… I’ve already kept too much from him.”

I can’t stomach listening to them anymore. I hang my head and silently walk up the stairs. I’ve got two, maybe three, days before the choice is taken out of my hands. Why does everyone insist on controlling my decisions? I walk into the bedroom just as tears begin to cascade down my cheeks. It’s not like I haven’t tried to tell him. He wouldn’t hear me out. I would never purposely hurt Noah.

I sit on the edge of the bed, every bit of strength sapped out of my muscles from Ted’s words. My head falls into my hands, my heart beats loudly in my ears, and I rub my fingers into my scalp to try and relieve the nagging pain building in my head.

Running through my options, I decide I have only two. Tell him the truth, or leave again. Neither option sounds like a good idea, and either way I’m sure to lose him.

If I leave I’ll never get the chance to fix things, and if I stay the truth will ensure he wants nothing to do with me. So much for win-win situations. This is a definite lose-lose, and it doesn’t seem fair. Just once I wish things would go my way, but I doubt that will happen. I thought things couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong. With a tear-stained face and a hollow heart, I decide to head for the shower.

As I sit on the bed drying my hair, the front door slams and then rattles on its hinges. It makes me jump, but I rationalise it’s just Ted leaving. I suck in a breath when I hear footsteps pad up the stairs, and let it out in a long, calming stream as Boo appears and leans against the doorframe.

“Why didn’t you tell me about you and Ted?” I ask her. I tread lightly, but intend to question everything I saw and heard downstairs, starting with their relationship and ending with what all he knows. I don’t need to be blindsided on top of everything else.

Her head tilts. “I don’t know, really. I just didn’t want to rub your nose in it when things are so up in the air for you.”

A small smile graces my face at my friend’s misplaced kindness. “There’s no need, you know? I do know how to be happy for other people.”

She walks into the room and sits next to me on the bed. I shuffle to sit cross-legged and position myself so I can face her.

“I know, I know,” she begins. “But I just thought it was the right thing to do. I feel like such a bad friend being happy when you’re struggling. You have so much shit on your shoulders, I…” She huffs. “I don’t know, I just thought”—she shrugs her shoulders at me—“it would be easier on you.”

“You’re my best friend. If I can’t be happy for you, I’m never going to find anything to be happy about, am I? I’m a little hurt you sort of lied to me about it though,” I say, gently, as she’d denied any attraction to Ted last night when we were talking.

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes genuinely appear ashamed.

“There’s no need to be sorry, none at all.” I force a smile. “Anyway, how long have you been seeing each other?”

She full-on grins at me. “Oh, God, it’s only been a few days. And we’re not seeing each other, we’re just friends with benefits.”

I can’t help but laugh. What I saw downstairs appeared to be more than friends with benefits, but that’s how she’s categorised it in her mind so she doesn’t get hurt. Smart move. I learnt the hard way. In the end, no one can control who they fall in love with. There’s no stopping that train once it’s rolling. Observing the small fragment I saw earlier, I’d say the wheels were definitely in motion, on both sides.

I keep the thought to myself. She’s happy believing what she wants to believe and I’ll leave it at that. Plus, she said it’s only been a few days at most, maybe I’m just romanticising. If I can’t be happy, she at least deserves to be.

“Well, that definitely sounds… beneficial.” For the first time in days an unforced smile stretches across my face and she bursts out laughing. It’s completely refreshing to feel some normalcy return to our friendship.

“So,” she begins, and I know my happy, relaxed moment is about to come crashing down around my feet. “How are you going to tell Noah? I bought you a couple of days, but that’s it.”