Текст книги "It's Only Love"

Автор книги: Marie Force

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On the way back to her room, she ran into Gavin’s parents, who looked to be on their way to the pool or beach. She hadn’t really gotten the chance to talk to them earlier with the others all around them.

Amelia hugged her. “I’m so sorry it worked out this way.”

“So am I.”

“I tried to talk to him,” Bob said.

Ella squeezed his arm. “Thanks for trying.”

“We want you to know,” Amelia said, glancing up at her husband before returning her gaze to Ella. “We think you’re perfect for him, and I know it’s asking a lot, but if you could just be patient with him for a little while longer. He’s been different lately. We’ve both seen it, and it’s because of you.”

“I’ve been patient a long time where he’s concerned. This didn’t just happen between us recently. It’s been stopping and starting for a while now. Since the summer.”

“Oh, well . . .” Amelia seemed surprised to hear that. “Underneath it all, he’s such a great guy.”

“I know he is, Amelia. He’s . . . Well, you don’t have to sell me on him. The thing is . . . I’m just not sure I can compete with his demons.”

Bob put his arm around his wife. “We need to let the kids work this out on their own, hon. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

“We’re pulling for you, Ella,” Amelia said. “He was so happy with you. I have to believe he regrets not coming.”

“Maybe so. I’ll see you later, okay?” She hugged and kissed them both before continuing on her way, feeling even more shredded than she had earlier.

CHAPTER 26

What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

—Helen Keller

Inside her room, Ella curled up on her bed, resting on her side so she could look out at the beautiful scenery. She couldn’t help but wonder what Gavin was doing, if he wished he’d handled things differently last night, what he’d wanted to say to her this morning. There was a phone next to her bed, and she could probably call him without too much bother and get answers to all her burning questions.

She entertained that thought for a fleeting second before dismissing it. She was all done chasing him. No one could ever accuse her of not going after what she wanted or not trying to make it work. The thing was, she couldn’t make it work by herself. He had to want it, too, and despite his assurances, he apparently didn’t want it as badly as she did.

With those unsettled thoughts swirling in her mind, she drifted off to sleep, dreaming about him and the magic they’d found during their two short weeks together. When she awoke hours later, the sky had grown dark, and her heart was heavy with the knowledge that she would remember every precious detail of those weeks for as long as she lived.

A soft knock on the door between her room and Hannah’s got her up from the bed. Her sister was gorgeous in a floral dress that hugged her considerable curves. She looked lush and happy and well rested. “You look beautiful, Hannah.”

With her hand on her rounded belly, she said, “I had to call in the tentmaker for this trip.”

“The tentmaker does good work.”

“Are you coming to the rehearsal dinner?”

Ella leaned against the doorframe, exhausted despite her nap. “Would it be awful if I skipped it? I just don’t have it in me tonight.”

“It wouldn’t be awful, but it might be better to be with us than here alone.”

“I’d rather be alone tonight, Han.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. I don’t have a game face today. Hopefully, it’ll be back in time for the wedding.”

“What about dinner?”

“I’ll order some room service.”

“But you will eat. Promise?”

“Yes, Mom, I’ll eat.”

“Sorry to hover, but I’m worried about you. We all are.”

“Please don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I just need a little time to myself to process it all.”

“I understand. Is it okay to check on you when we get back?”

“I wish you would.”

Hannah hugged her. “Hang in there.”

“I’m hanging.”

“I’m going to kill him when I get home.”

“Don’t do that. Amelia would never get over it—and neither would I.”

“Those Guthrie boys always were a handful. Some things never change. I wonder all the time if Caleb ever would’ve settled down into regular life after the army.”

“Life after the army? Like twenty years from now?”

Hannah bit her lip and shook her head. “He was going to get out after that last deployment. We made the decision before he left. He’d had enough of the deployments, and we were thinking about having kids.” She rested her hand on her belly. “He didn’t want them to grow up the way he did, moving all the time and always missing their dad.”

“God, Hannah . . .”

She smiled softly and shrugged. “Life’s a bitch.”

“It certainly can be. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I miss him every day, but I’m really happy with Nolan. And I know you’re going to find your happily ever after, too. I know it.”

“I wish I were so sure. I don’t think it’s going to be with Gavin.”

“Maybe not, but there’s someone out there who’s going to appreciate the amazing, thoughtful, loving woman you are. You just can’t give up on love because of this, El. That would be the worst thing you could do.”

Nolan came up behind his wife and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Is she hovering, Ella?”

“Just a little, but it’s okay.”

“How’re you doing?” he asked.

“I’ve had better days, but I’ll be all right. I’ll see you guys later. Have fun at the dinner.”

Hannah hugged her. “Love you,” she whispered.

“Love you, too.”

Nolan surprised Ella when he kissed her forehead and hugged her. “Sorry you’re going through this. There’re a whole lot of guys who love you who want to put a hurt on him right now.”

Touched to realize Nolan was one of them, she blinked back tears as she drew back from him. “Thanks, but that’s not going to fix what’s wrong here.”

“Maybe not, but it sure would make us happy.”

Ella laughed and brushed away tears. “Go on and have fun. I’ll see you later.”

After they left, Ella picked up the room service menu and looked it over. Though she’d promised Hannah she would eat, the thought of food turned her stomach, so she put down the menu. Maybe later. She went out to the deck that overlooked the beach and the vast Caribbean. As she leaned against the rail, the warm, soft air made her hair flutter in the light breeze. The sun dipped toward the horizon in a blaze of color that promised a spectacular sunset.

In the courtyard below, a group of children chased a soccer ball around, all of them dressed for dinner with their hair combed into submission. Their laughter and excitement caused the ache inside her to intensify into a sharp pain of regret.

Twenty-four hours after he turned down the chance to come with her, she was still trying to figure out how it had all gone so very wrong. Maybe she would never understand.

The phone in her room rang, setting her heart to racing. Was it him? What if it was? Did she want to talk to him? Not really. Not yet. Only the thought of her parents trying to reach them had her dashing inside to grab the extension by the bed. “Hello?”

“Is it true?” Charley asked without preamble. “Did he refuse to go?”

Ella sat on the edge of the bed. “Yes,” she said, her shoulders sagging. “It’s true.”

“I’m going to find him and beat the living shit out of him.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I really might.”

“As much as I appreciate the sentiment, it won’t fix anything. In fact, it’ll make everything worse because then I’ll have to bail you out of jail.”

“It’s worth going to jail. Are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.”

“I’m glad you went without him.”

“I’m not. I should’ve stayed home. The last place I need to be is smack in the middle of someone else’s happily-ever-after. Not to mention our happily coupled siblings surrounding me. After the wedding tomorrow, I’m coming home. I’d rather be at work than here.”

“Said no sane person ever.”

“I’m not feeling so sane tonight.”

“What happened? What did he say?”

“It’s not even worth repeating. It’s over. That’s the bottom line.”

“I don’t get it.”

“That makes two of us. Tell me some good news. How’s the baby?”

“He’s so cute. I saw him again before we left Burlington last night. They were going home from the hospital this afternoon.”

“How’s Chloe?”

“Sore and cranky. She didn’t have much to say to us when we were there.”

“And how’s Max?”

“In love with his son and dealing with her the best he can. I don’t envy him this situation. And I don’t envy your situation.”

“I have no situation. Not anymore.”

“Ella, you can’t give up—”

“Yes, I really can, Charley. At some point, enough becomes enough. I’d be a masochist to let this continue after what’s already happened.”

Charley’s deep sigh said it all.

“How was the store today?”

“Crazy busy. Just how we like it.”

“Good. Anything you couldn’t handle?”

“Nope. I got it covered. Don’t rush home on my account.”

“Thanks for covering for me. I’ll be in on Monday.”

“Call me if you need me. You know where I am.”

“Yes, I do, and thanks for checking on me. Don’t beat up Gavin.”

“I’ll try to resist the urge.”

“Bye, Charley.” Ella put down the phone and stretched out on the bed, which seemed to be the only place she wanted to be. Her limbs felt weighted, and her head was aching almost as badly as her heart. She didn’t really want to be home, where every corner of her life would remind her of him. But she didn’t want to be here either. How sad was it that she didn’t want to be anywhere because no matter where she went, he came with her. He was so deeply embedded in her heart that it would be a long time, if ever, before she left him behind.

*   *   *

Ella surprised herself by sleeping amazingly well. She woke with a new determination to get through the day so she could head home in the morning. After the wedding, she was meeting with the concierge, who’d agreed to help change her flight.

She had breakfast with her siblings and Gavin’s parents, during which they talked about everything other than the elephant sitting in the middle of the table. Ella was thankful that they’d tuned into the fact that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. What was there to talk about? They’d had a thing. It was over now. End of story.

Except . . .

No, Ella, end of story.

While the others headed off to take a tour in a glass-bottom boat, Ella took her e-reader to the pool, determined to salvage at least one day of this disaster to work on her tan. She stayed until four and even had an umbrella drink of rum punch that warmed her up on the inside.

With the wedding at six, she headed back to her room to shower and get ready. On the way, she ran into Cameron and Will, who were returning from the beach, holding hands as always. They were so damned cute, and seeing their happy, smiling faces reminded her once again of what she’d almost had with Gavin.

“Hey, guys.” She forced a smile for their benefit. “How was the beach?”

“Heavenly,” Cameron said. “Will had to drag me away so we’ll have time to get ready.”

“How are you?” Will asked, his insightful gaze taking a perusing look at her.

“I’m fine. I enjoyed the pool.”

“Ella—”

“I’m really fine.” She patted her brother’s chest. “I’ll see you at the wedding, okay?”

“Yeah. See you then.”

As she climbed the stairs to her room, Ella realized it was going to be even worse when she got home and had to answer questions about what’d become of her and Gavin. Tears flooded her eyes when she thought about Mrs. Abernathy coming to the door when they were making love against it.

It had been the funniest, sexiest, most embarrassing, unforgettable moment of her life. How was she supposed to live without him now that she’d tasted paradise in his arms?

That question weighed heavily on her as she showered, dried and straightened her hair and dressed in the yellow dress she’d brought for the wedding. When she’d packed the dress, she’d done so with Gavin in mind, hoping he’d like how it looked on her. Hell, she’d done everything with him in mind for so long now that it would be nearly impossible to break the habit.

But break it she would. He hadn’t given her much choice in the matter.

She walked to the beachfront wedding with her siblings and their partners, all of them in a festive mood. Ella absolutely refused to be a drag, so she participated in their good-natured banter and tried to pretend like she wasn’t shattered on the inside.

When they arrived at the beach, the other Sultans, who had come from all over for Dylan’s wedding, greeted them with hugs. Thankfully, Dylan hadn’t told anyone that Gavin was supposed to be with her, so she didn’t have to answer any questions. They were a boisterous group in the best of circumstances, but never more so than when they got together for a happy occasion.

Caleb’s death had been hard on all of them, but they’d made an effort over the years to keep in touch, to keep up the traditions he’d started and to honor his memory in any way they possibly could. As always, though, the man who’d been at the center of their shenanigans was blatantly missing.

Ella could only imagine how difficult it must be for Hannah to continue to be a part of the group that was such a big aspect of Caleb’s life. But with Nolan by her side, she glowed with happiness and excitement for Dylan and Sophia. Somehow she had found the strength to move on. If only Gavin could do the same.

You’re not thinking about him. Not now.

Dylan and Jack, his best man, joined them, greeting the group with hugs and slaps on the back. Smiling from ear to ear, Dylan was tanned and wearing a pink dress shirt and khaki pants. Not every guy could pull off the pink shirt, but it suited him.

Ella stood back to watch as Hannah pinned a pink rose to his shirt and then patted his chest. He looked down at her, a thousand emotions seeming to pass between the two of them in the matter of an instant.

Hannah smiled up at him and he put his arms around her and held her tight until Nolan tapped him on the shoulder to end the emotionally charged encounter with a laugh.

Watching Hannah share a special moment with one of her late husband’s best friends left a huge lump in Ella’s throat.

They gathered in a half circle around the arbor that had been erected on the beach. It was surrounded by a stunning array of tropical flowers in bright oranges, pinks, yellows and reds. As the sun began to dip toward the horizon, a local man began to play the ukulele to the tune of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”

Preceded by three bridesmaids dressed in periwinkle gowns, Sophia’s dad escorted her onto the beach and into the arms of her future husband. The joy on the faces of Dylan and Sophia was like a knife in Ella’s broken heart. It was all she could do to remain standing, to watch them exchange vows and not run away like she wanted to.

And then an arm slipped around her waist from behind, and the scent of Gucci Black stole the breath from her lungs. Oh God . . . Her body recognized his as he drew her in tight against him. He never said a word as they stood together and watched Dylan and Sophia exchange rings.

Since she was standing behind her siblings and Gavin’s parents, no one noticed he was there. But Ella noticed. Every nerve ending in her body was on full alert, and her heart beat so fast she had to remind herself to breathe. With his big hand flat against her belly, a thousand thoughts went through her mind in the time it took for Dylan and Sophia to be declared husband and wife. What was he doing here? What did it mean? Why had he come? What would she say to him? What did he have to say? How would it change things?

Despite her iron-clad resolve to be done with him, his appearance here filled her with a tiny kernel of hope that couldn’t be easily snuffed out.

The applause of the wedding guests roused her from her frantic thoughts.

Gavin released her to join in the applause.

Ella turned to him. “What’re you doing here?”

“You really have to ask?”

CHAPTER 27

We must accept finite disappointment,

but never lose infinite hope.

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

The sight of her beautiful face, wary and uncertain as she looked up at him, settled the storm that had been raging inside Gavin since he last saw her. It had been the right thing to come after her, to try to fix what had gone so horribly wrong. But before he could do that, they had a wedding to get through.

His mother let out a happy little squeal when she saw him standing beside Ella. He hugged her and then his father.

“Good to see you here, son,” his dad said gruffly.

“Good to be here.”

One by one, the Sultans approached him, hugged him, welcomed him and said how happy they were to have him there. Dylan, who’d been receiving congratulations from his family and Sophia’s, drew him into a bear hug.

“I’m so fucking glad you’re here, man,” Dylan said for Gavin’s ears only.

“Me, too. Sorry I was late. I caught the end.”

“Better late than never.”

“Glad you think so. Thanks for having me.”

“Dude, seriously? I’m thrilled you’re here, and so is everyone else.”

Judging from the glares he was receiving from Will and Hunter Abbott, not everyone was thrilled to have him here. That was okay, though. He didn’t blame Ella’s brothers for being pissed with him. Hell, he was pissed at himself. If he could somehow make things right with Ella, hopefully that would make things right with her brothers, too.

Hannah hugged and kissed him. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said quietly.

Her warm welcome gave him some much-needed encouragement. If her first thought hadn’t been to strangle him, maybe Ella would give him a chance to apologize and try to fix things. He could only hope so.

She hadn’t said a word to him since asking what he was doing there. He supposed he deserved her silence and her obvious reluctance to welcome him.

The wedding guests moved from the beach to an open-air pavilion that looked out over the Caribbean. While Dylan and Sophia and their wedding party took pictures on the beach, the guests were treated to succulent hors d’oeuvres and tropical drinks.

Gavin was too nervous to eat, and he didn’t dare start drinking. Not with so much at stake. He’d tried to arrive last night, but the earliest flight he could get out of Boston had gotten him here just in time for the wedding. During a sleepless night, the long drive to Boston and on the seemingly endless flights, he’d had plenty of time to go over all the many ways he’d managed to fuck up the best thing to ever happen to him—and to figure out how he was going to undo the damage he’d done.

At the first sight of her, he knew for certain he wanted forever with her. He faced an uphill battle getting her to listen to him, but he was fully prepared to do whatever it took to win her back. Somehow, some way, he’d managed to go on without Caleb. After one full day without her, he already knew he’d never be able to go on without her.

Now he just had to get her alone so they could talk and work this out. With Ella surrounded by her siblings and their partners, Gavin felt squeezed out of the fortress they’d erected around her. He understood that if he wanted to get to her, he was going to have to go through them.

Okay then. He could do that. Steeling himself for battle, he walked over to where they were gathered by the bar. “Will, Hunter,” he said. Ella was talking to Cameron, Megan and Hannah, so he decided to take on her brothers first.

“Gavin,” Hunter said, the chill in his tone coming through loud and clear. “Nice of you to join us.”

“Nice to be here. Beautiful spot.”

“That it is.”

“Listen, I know you’re pissed and with good reason, but I come with the best of intentions toward Ella.”

“You’ll have to pardon us if we’re a little skeptical of your intentions toward our sister,” Will said.

Gavin had counted the two of them among his closest friends for almost as long as he could remember. However, in the Abbott family, blood was always thicker than water, and that had never been more apparent to Gavin than it was now. Time to go big or go home, as Caleb would say. “I love her, and I hope to spend the rest of my life with her. If she’ll have me.”

Judging by their shocked expressions, they hadn’t expected him to say that.

“You’re serious,” Will said.

“As serious as I’ve ever been about anything.”

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Hunter said. “Part of me wants to tell you to fuck off and leave her alone. But Ella doesn’t need me to fight her battles for her. She’s perfectly capable of fighting her own battles, and you’re facing one hell of a battle where she’s concerned. You’ve hurt her badly.”

“I know that, and I feel terrible about it. I’m here to fix it, if she’ll let me.”

“That’s the big question,” Will said. “Will she let you?”

The thought of her rejecting him, of her telling him she’d had enough of him and his stop-and-start-and-stop again bullshit, had terrified him on the long trip to get to her.

“I guess we’ll see,” Gavin said, glancing at her.

She caught his eye and then looked away.

“One thing I’ll tell you for certain,” Hunter said, his tone leaving no room for interpretation. “If you hurt her again, you’re going to have seven very unhappy Abbott brothers to answer to. Am I clear on that?”

“Yeah,” Gavin said. “Crystal clear.”

“Good,” Hunter said. “Don’t fuck it up.”

“I’m going to try really hard not to.”

“You do that,” Will said.

Cameron came over to her husband and looped her arm through his, and his expression immediately softened. “Everything okay over here, boys?”

“It’s all good,” Will said with a glare for Gavin. “Or at least it had better be.”

*   *   *

“What do I do?” Ella asked Hannah as quietly as she possibly could, waiting until Gavin was engaged in conversation with Jack and their other friend, Austin, to consult with her sister.

“What do you want to do?” Hannah asked.

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to tell him to get lost, that it’s too little, too late. But the other part of me—”

“Will never have any peace until you hear whatever he’s come to say.”

“Yes,” Ella said with a sigh. “I hate myself for wanting to hear what he’s come to say.”

“Don’t hate yourself. You’re only human, and for some strange reason, you love the guy.”

“Yeah, I do, even if I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise in the last two days.” One touch from him, one breath of his arresting scent, and she’d been drawn right back into love with him. That was all it had taken.

“You can’t talk yourself out of loving him, even if you think that’s what’s best for you.”

“I can’t let him do this to me anymore, though, Hannah. The yo-yo effect is making me crazy. He said he was all in until he wasn’t, and I can’t do that again. I just can’t.”

“Then you have a decision to make. Give him another chance or don’t. Which would be harder to live with?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“You need to decide—ASAP. He looks rather . . . determined.”

Ella couldn’t deny that she’d noticed a different sort of air about him since he’d arrived out of the mist at the wedding. Like he’d resolved something important in the time they’d spent apart. “Since he came all this way, I suppose I’ll hear him out. And then I can decide what I want to do.”

“For what it’s worth, that’s what I would do, too.”

“It’s worth a lot. Thanks, Hannah, for everything the last few days.”

Hannah curled her arms around Ella’s arm and rested her head on Ella’s shoulder. “That’s what big sisters are for.”

They enjoyed a delicious dinner of jerk shrimp, chicken and beef, rice, salad, vegetables and succulent fruit. The courses kept on coming, along with wine and champagne and rum punch.

Though he sat next to her at dinner, Gavin made no attempt to get her to talk to him. But she was acutely aware of his presence nonetheless. Every so often his leg would brush against hers under the table or his arm would land on the back of her chair, the possessive gesture setting off a primal need in her.

She wanted to hate him for what he’d put her through, but she didn’t hate him. No, she loved him as much as she ever had, and as she fixated on his muscular forearm and the sprinkling of dark hair, she was forced to acknowledge that she would always love him. No matter what happened next.

After dinner, everyone got up to dance, leaving Ella alone at the table with Gavin. Every nerve ending in her body was on full alert, waiting to see what he would do.

“Take a walk with me?” he asked in a low intimate tone.

She looked at him for a long moment, taking in the rugged, handsome features that had held her captive for so long, and then nodded, powerless to deny him, even though she knew she ought to.

He helped her up and out of her chair and guided her from the pavilion with his hand on her lower back.

Ella felt the eyes of everyone she knew on them as they walked out and was deeply grateful for the protective presence of her siblings, who would be there for her no matter what transpired between her and Gavin. She took comfort in the certainty of their unwavering support.

They stepped onto the beach, and Ella kicked off her shoes, leaving them by the stairs.

Gavin did the same, removing his flip-flops and putting them next to her sandals. Then he took hold of her hand and led her to the water’s edge. He wore a white linen shirt that showed off the wide expanse of his shoulders, along with khaki pants that hugged him in all the right places. As always, the sight of him made her want to drool with lust. No matter what had transpired between them, her desire and deep, abiding love for him were the two things she could never deny.

“It’s beautiful here,” he said, gazing out at the moonbeams on the flat calm water.

“It sure is.”

He turned to face her, taking hold of her other hand and bringing their joined hands to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Ella. Before I say anything else, I need you to know that. I screwed this up so bad, and I’m very, very sorry. I have been since the other night when it first happened.”

“Will you tell me what exactly happened? Because I’m not really sure.”

He took a deep breath and released it slowly. “What you did, arranging the trip and everything, it was a really nice thing for you to do. I’ll always be sorry that I reacted the way I did.”

Ella had so many questions that she didn’t ask. She needed him to tell her what this was about. She needed him to want to tell her.

“Ever since Caleb died,” he began haltingly, “I’ve struggled with where I fit among the friends we shared. It’s really hard for me to be around them. More than anything, the time I spend with them reminds me so profoundly of what’s been lost. They’re great guys, the best guys I’ve ever known. I love every one of them. They’re our very best friends, and yes, they were and are our friends, not just his. Despite how it might seem sometimes, I really do know that.”

He released her hands and turned to face the water. “As much as I love them, and as much as I loved Caleb . . . They’re a bunch of crazy bastards. Some of the shit we’ve done would give you gray hairs if you knew about it. They’re always pushing the envelope, coming up with new ways to challenge themselves and each other. A lot of that came right from Caleb, the craziest of the crazy. There was nothing he wouldn’t do, especially if someone dared him. I once saw him jump from the top of a waterfall, having no idea what was on the bottom.”

Ella crossed her arms against a sudden chill, which was odd because the night air was warm and humid.

“Scared the fucking shit out of me when he did stuff like that. The rest of them, they just went along with whatever he cooked up. You name it, we’ve done it. We’ve outrun avalanches on mountains and zip-lined in the jungle, jumped out of perfectly good airplanes. They’ve been talking lately about climbing a mountain somewhere. The e-mails and texts from that crew would make for a good reality TV show.”

As Ella listened to him, she began to get an idea of where this was headed—and then he confirmed it for her.

“I can’t do that shit anymore,” he said softly. “I just can’t take those kinds of chances. I can’t do it to my parents.”

Drawn to him the way she always was, Ella laid her hand on his back and leaned her head against his shoulder. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

“Because I’ve never said it to anyone before. I’ve never come right out and acknowledged that I’m unwilling to go along with their crazy shit anymore because my parents have already lost one son senselessly. I’ll be damned if they’ll lose another.”

“Gavin . . . Anyone would understand that.”

“I don’t think the guys would understand. They’d call me a pussy and say I’m a chickenshit, which would piss me off and make me forget why I can’t do whatever it is they want me to do. It’s just easier for me to keep my distance than to resist their crazy ideas.”

“So you cut yourself off from people you love rather than just tell them what you told me? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe not, but it’s how I’ve coped. When you told me about the wedding, that’s what I was thinking about. It wasn’t about you or coming here with you, despite how it might’ve seemed. My coping mechanism was threatened, and I lashed out at you, which was the wrong thing to do. It was the worst thing I could’ve done, and I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I already have,” Ella said. How could she not when he spelled it out so plainly?

“You have?” He turned back to face her, stepping closer. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Thank God, Ella. Thank you for understanding. I promise this will never happen again. I was such an ass. I’m so sorry.”

“It will happen again.”

“But wait, you just said . . . You understand.”

“I understand what happened the other night, and I appreciate you coming here and clueing me in as to what went so wrong. That answers a lot of questions for me.”

“But?”

“But . . . I don’t think I can do this anymore, Gavin. As much as I wish I could, I just don’t think I can put myself through it.”

His arms came around her like bands of strength, binding her to him. “Please don’t say that. I fucked up. I told you I would. But I’m determined to not let it happen again. I need you so much. More than you’ll ever know. I feel like my entire life has come down to you and how much I need you. I’ll do whatever you want me to do, just please don’t tell me it’s over. Please, Ella.”

As tears poured down her cheeks, she pressed her face to his shirt.