Текст книги "It's Only Love"

Автор книги: Marie Force

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

CHAPTER 22

God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each

of us—in the dreariest and most dreaded moments—can see a possibility of hope.

—Maya Angelou

It had been an odd Thanksgiving for Gavin. He’d spent most of the day wishing Ella were there to make everything better, but his parents were also different today. Sure, his mom was scurrying around making the traditional turkey dinner, but they were also packing for their trip to Turks and Caicos in the morning. Apparently, they were on the same flight from Boston with Hannah, Nolan, Will, Cameron, Hunter and Megan. They’d even hired a limo to transport them all from Vermont to Logan Airport.

His parents were excited about the trip, excited for the wedding, excited about everything lately, or so it seemed to him.

“Too bad you couldn’t get away to come with us, Gav,” his dad said while they watched football before dinner.

“Things are nuts at the yard,” he said, as he always did.

“You know . . . No man lies on his deathbed wishing he’d spent more time at work.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“You ever run your own business, Dad? No, I didn’t think so.”

“Point taken. However, you have excellent employees who are more than capable of covering for you for a few days so you can get away. Everyone needs a break once in a while. That’s all I’m saying.”

It was nothing Gavin hadn’t told himself, repeatedly, especially after the invitation had come for Dylan’s wedding and everyone began making plans to go. He’d never had any intention of going for reasons that were his and his alone.

By three thirty he was standing in front of the window that looked out over the driveway watching for Ella. He and his parents sat down to eat at four, and as it did every year, Caleb’s glaring absence left an empty space across the table and in Gavin’s heart. He missed him so much—every day, but more so on days like this that were set aside for family, and he was forced to confront how small his family had become.

Over dinner, his mom said she wanted to talk about what they were thankful for. “I’ll start,” she said with a warm, happy smile. “This year I’m thankful for my husband and son and what we’ve managed to weather together. I’m thankful to have been Caleb’s mother, to have the incredible blessing of his life to cherish for the rest of mine.” She took a deep breath, dabbed at her eyes and continued. “I’m thankful for the inn that Hannah started, which has given Dad and me all new purpose this year and for the grandbaby she will soon bring into our lives. I’m thankful for your beautiful smile, Gavin. I’ve missed it, and it’s nice to see it back again. And for that, I’m most thankful to Ella, who has given you reason to smile again. That’s my list.”

“Ditto,” his dad said.

“That’s a cop-out,” Amelia said, smiling at her husband.

“How so? I’m thankful for all those same things.”

“All right, fine. Be that way. What about you, Gav?”

Gavin felt surprisingly emotional after hearing his mother’s heartfelt list, and her inclusion of Ella touched him deeply. “I’m thankful for all those things, too. Mostly for you guys. I’m glad we always have each other even if we don’t see each other every day. You know I’m right there for you, or at least I hope you do.”

“Of course we do,” Amelia said, laying her hand over his. “You’ve been a wonderful son to us your entire life, but never more so than since we lost your brother.”

Gavin forced a smile for his mom as he contended with the lump in his throat. For as long as he’d lived, he’d done so in the shadow of his much more accomplished older brother. He’d never minded the shadow and had missed it after it was gone, but the irony that Caleb had been the one to die young wasn’t lost on him. It should’ve been him. Caleb had had a wife he’d adored, an incredible career, so many talents and a future filled with promise.

Whereas Gavin had none of those things. He would always wish it had been him instead of Caleb. It would’ve been easier for everyone if it had been him. But as he waited to see Ella again, for the first time in a long time, he was glad it hadn’t been him. He finally had something worthwhile to live for again, and he couldn’t wait to see her.

They had finished dinner and were cleaning up when a knock on the mudroom door had him bolting across the kitchen. Gavin threw open the door, and there she was looking fresh-faced and beautiful and as happy to see him as he was to see her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight against him, breathing her in and filled with relief to have her back where she belonged.

Two weeks ago, he would’ve shied away from that thought, but now he couldn’t deny that she belonged to him, and he belonged to her. And he liked it that way.

“There you are,” he said after a long moment of silence.

“Here I am.”

“Missed you.”

“Missed you, too.”

He drew back from her and gazed down at her lovely face before stealing a quick kiss. It took all he had to remember where he was and that he couldn’t lose himself in the kiss or her. Not now anyway. But the minute he could spirit her away from his parents’ house all bets were off.

He helped her out of her coat and took her by the hand to lead her into the kitchen where his mother was preparing to serve up the one pie she’d made—apple because it was his favorite. She normally made a lot more food, but because they were leaving town for a week, she’d dialed it back this year.

“Ella!” Amelia rushed over to hug and kiss her. “Happy Thanksgiving and congratulations on the new nephew.”

“Thank you. He’s beautiful.”

“I’m sure he is, and I love his name.”

“I do, too.” She hugged and kissed his dad and gratefully accepted the pie his mother offered.

Gavin fixed her a cup of coffee the way she liked it and brought it to the table, which now seemed less empty with that fourth seat filled by someone he loved. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. She looked so good, but then again she always did. From her shiny hair to the rosy glow of her cheeks to her gorgeous brown eyes and delicious pink lips, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever known—inside and out.

He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been drawn to her. She was so kind and sweet and always thinking of others before herself. He’d recognized those qualities in her long before the time they’d recently spent together and had probably been in love with her for years, if he were being honest with himself.

Every time he’d laid eyes on her, he’d wanted her. Never more so than right now when she chatted happily with his parents about their upcoming trip while enjoying her pie and coffee. She seemed to be in no particular rush to get out of there while he was on the verge of spontaneously combusting from the desire that coursed through him.

Running her fork through a dollop of whipped cream, she brought it to her mouth, her eyes catching his across the table.

He covered his moan with a cough that didn’t fool Ella. Standing so fast he nearly knocked over his chair, Gavin took his plate to the sink, rinsed it and put it in the dishwasher. “We’ve got to get going.”

“So soon?” his mom said. “Ella just got here.”

“Yes, Gavin,” Ella said. “I just got here.”

The glare he sent her was met with a grin that told him she knew what he wanted and was enjoying making him wait. Well, two could play at that game. As soon as he had that thought, he had to squelch it or risk walking around with an embarrassing bulge in his pants.

Rather than indulge in thoughts about his plans for later, he continued to load the dishwasher, making as much noise as he could to vent his frustration.

“Go easy on my plates, Gavin,” his mother said sternly, making Ella laugh.

It was nice to hear laughter in this house again, even if it was at his expense. He’d happily take the lumps to bring some light back into his life and that of his parents. Ella was all light and joy and peace. He was drawn to her like a magnet to steel, the pull impossible to deny or resist, not that he wanted to do either of those things. Not anymore.

Right in that moment, standing at his mother’s kitchen sink, he became acutely aware of the fact that he needed to marry her to ensure she’d never be anywhere other than with him, where she belonged. If one night away from her had left him reeling, the thought of the whole rest of his life without her was like imagining a return to the barren wasteland of nothingness where he’d been stranded for far too long. After the taste of heaven he’d had with her, he had no desire whatsoever to return to that life.

Filled with irrational fear of all the many ways he could still screw this up, he resolved to act sooner rather than later to make this relationship permanent. Once she had his ring on her finger, she wouldn’t be able to get away. She’d be stuck with him, for better or worse. And he’d be gloriously, blissfully stuck with her.

He couldn’t wait for that.

*   *   *

Ella decided an hour with Amelia and Bob was enough to be polite, enough to make Gavin suffer a little and enough to get her nerves under control before the reveal of the big surprise. He’d had nothing to add to the conversation about his parents’ trip other than to wish them safe travels and a good time and to give Dylan his best.

He’d never once said he wished he were going, too.

But she refused to let that omission derail her. Of course he wouldn’t say that because he had himself convinced he couldn’t go. She was about to prove otherwise.

“You ready?” he asked from his spot next to her on the sofa.

“If you are.”

He glared at her, letting her know how ready he was to leave—how ready he’d been for some time now.

“It was so nice of you to cut short your holiday with your own family to spend some time with us,” Amelia said when she walked them to the door.

“It was well worth it for that pie of yours,” Ella said. “I need your recipe.”

“I’ll write it down for you. It’s Gavin’s favorite.”

“Thanks for a fabulous day, Mom,” Gavin said, kissing her cheek. “Have a great trip and be safe.”

“We’ll call you while we’re away.”

“Don’t worry about me. Just have a good time.”

“I will worry about you, and I will call you.”

“Thanks for the warning,” he grumbled with a good-natured grin for his mother.

“He’s all yours for the next week,” Amelia said when she hugged Ella.

“I’ll keep a close eye on him.”

“That sounds good to me,” he said. With his hand on Ella’s back, Gavin led her out of the house. “Your place or mine?”

“Mine.”

She could tell he was surprised to hear her say that, because they’d been spending most nights at his place thanks to her nosy landlady.

“It’s closer,” she said meaningfully.

“Hurry.” He patted her ass and sent her along to her car, which was parked behind his truck.

As Ella followed the speed limit to the letter, she could almost feel him boiling behind her. She’d felt him on slow simmer the whole time she’d been at his parents’ home, trying to be polite while she visited with Bob and Amelia when all he wanted to do was get her out of there.

It was heady stuff to be wanted that way by the man she loved. But it was also fun to play with him a little, to make him wait, to build the tension.

She pulled into her driveway with him right behind her. Before she could gather her purse and the backpack she’d taken to Burlington, he was upon her, opening her door and reaching for her seatbelt. “Gavin! Wait.”

“I’ve already waited long enough.”

“Five more minutes won’t kill you.”

“It just might. Move it.” He “helped” her out of the car and propelled her along with the force of his own desire. Her feet barely touched the ground on the way inside or as they went up the stairs as one being, his arm around her waist moving her along. Once again, she felt swept away by him, overtaken in the best possible way. The potent excitement of being back in his arms was overshadowed only by the lingering fear of how her surprise would be received.

Inside her apartment, he took the backpack from her and dropped it with a thud inside the door. Then he removed her coat, her sweater and was working on her jeans by the time she caught up to him.

“Gavin, wait, I want to talk to you—”

“After. We’ll talk after.” His coat, sweater, boots and jeans ended up in the same pile with her clothes. When they were both down to underwear, he took her hand and led her to her bedroom. “Come here, baby.” He drew her into his arms and breathed a heavy sigh. “Don’t go away anymore without me, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, heartened by the comment. Perhaps her surprise would be a big hit after all.

His hands were everywhere—on her back, her shoulders, her ribs, cupping her breasts and squeezing her ass—as if he were taking inventory to ensure she’d returned to him whole and intact. Kneeling before her, he helped her out of her panties and then removed her bra before standing.

She helped with his boxers and drew him into bed with her.

“I thought I was going to die watching you eat whipped cream at my mother’s,” he whispered against her neck. “I wanted to dive across the table and have you right there.”

“You don’t think that would’ve shocked your parents?”

“You’ll notice I managed to control myself. Just barely.”

“No need to control yourself now.”

His low growl was his only warning before he took her mouth in a series of savage kisses.

Ella was breathless as she tried to keep up with him. She’d never seen him so undone by desire, and she loved it. Though she couldn’t wait to tell him about the trip, she would wait until after they’d slaked the ravenous need that she felt every bit as acutely as he did. She gave herself over to him, surrendering entirely.

“God, Ella, you’re so sexy. I wanted you the second you walked in the door with your cheeks all flushed from the cold. How do you do that to me? How do you make me so crazy?”

“You do the same to me. I thought about you all the way from Burlington when I was driving way faster than I should’ve been because I couldn’t wait to see you.”

He stopped kissing her and raised his head so he could see her face. “Don’t do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Drive too fast when you’re on your way to me. Don’t take chances with your safety.”

“I didn’t—”

“Promise me you won’t do that again.”

Because it seemed to matter so much to him, she said, “Okay, I won’t.”

“Promise.”

“I promise.”

“Good,” he said, kissing her softly and with less urgency than he’d shown a few minutes ago. “If anything ever happened to you . . .”

“Nothing is going to happen. I’m right here and I love you.”

“I want to touch you everywhere and make you pay for making me suffer at my parents’ house, but more than anything I need to be inside you right now.”

“Yes, Gavin . . . Please.” She raised her hips and offered herself to him. Everything she had to give was his. It always had been and always would be.

He drove into her and dropped his head to her chest.

While her body stretched and burned from his entry, Ella ran her fingers through the hair she loved so much and tried to relax, to accommodate him.

“Nothing is like this,” he whispered. “Nothing.”

She smoothed her hands over his back and down to grip his ass, holding him inside her until she felt ready for more. “Make love to me, Gavin.”

“Gonna be fast.”

“That’s okay. We’ve got all night.”

Her words seemed to unleash something in him. He pounded into her repeatedly, taking them both on a wild ride that ended in one perfect moment of utter unity as they came together, groaning and clinging to each other as the tremors took them over.

He sagged into her arms, his big body vibrating from the powerful release. “Love you, Ella. Love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

“Thanks for not giving up on me.”

“I’ll never give up on you.”

CHAPTER 23

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

—C. S. Lewis

They stayed there like that for a long time, the room growing darker before he finally withdrew from her and moved onto his back, bringing her with him. She wanted to curl up to him, to wallow in the heat and comfort of him next to her, but it was time to tell him about the trip. Preparations had to be made by both of them to be ready to leave at six in the morning. She couldn’t wait any longer.

Kissing his chest, she said, “Let me up for a minute.”

“As long as you come right back.”

“I’ll come right back.”

He kissed her lips before letting her go. “Hurry up.”

“Always in such a hurry.”

“Only when you’re around.”

Her heart pounding with excitement, she used the bathroom and then went to find the packet she’d printed at work the day before. “Here goes nothing,” she whispered as she returned to the bedroom. Before getting back into bed, she turned on the bedside lamp.

Gavin winced from the sudden onset of light. He blinked her into focus. “What’ve you got there?”

“Your surprise.”

“Oh, I’d almost forgot about that.” He raised himself up on one elbow. “What is it?”

“Before I tell you, I want you to know that I did this for you because I think you’ll enjoy it and I want you to be happy. I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m beyond curious.”

Her mouth was suddenly dry as she handed over the packet of papers that included plane tickets, pictures from the resort and information about their reservation.

He opened it, looked it over and then glanced at her, his jaw tight with tension. “What is this, El?”

“It’s a trip to Dylan’s wedding, all paid for and arranged. We leave in the morning.”

“You . . . You set this all up?”

“I did,” she said, swallowing hard. “And don’t worry about work. Your dad talked to Clinton, and he’s more than happy to cover for you next week so you can get away.”

“My parents know about this, too?”

She nodded. “So does Dylan. He was very excited about it and said to tell you how much it’ll mean to him to have you there for his wedding.” As she spoke, she couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t seem happy about the surprise. He seemed . . . less than pleased.

“I can’t believe you did this.”

“I thought it would be fun to get away from it all for a week, to go to your friend’s wedding—”

“I can’t go, Ella. There’s no way I can go.”

“What do you mean? I just told you, work is covered—”

“It’s not covered.” He got up out of bed and pulled on his underwear and then rested his hands on his hips. “Clinton is great, but he’s never been left in charge before. I can’t just walk away from my responsibilities for a week because you think it would be fun.”

“Gavin, let’s talk about it—”

“I’m really sorry. It was nice of you to do this and to think of me this way, but I can’t do it.”

“You’re closed down for the weekend. You could come for a few days. Surely your business wouldn’t fall apart if you missed a couple of days. I’m missing one of the biggest weeks of the year in the store, and it’ll be fine.”

“Because you have people to cover for you. I don’t have that.”

“Yes, you do!”

“So two weeks together and suddenly you know my business better than I do? Wow. That’s one hell of an accomplishment.” He turned away from her and went into the other room.

Frantic to salvage this disaster, Ella scrambled out of bed and pulled on a robe before following him into the living room, where he was getting dressed. She was shocked to see him getting ready to leave. “What’re you doing? Where’re you going?”

“I’m going home. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we both knew I would eventually, so it’s better that it happen sooner rather than later. You deserve someone who could receive an amazing gift like this with grace and appreciation. I’m not that guy.”

“Would you please stop and just talk to me? Tell me what’s really going on here.”

“I did tell you, but you don’t believe me when I say I can’t be away from work.”

“Okay, so we won’t go.”

“You should go. You spent all that money. You shouldn’t let it go to waste.”

“Go without you? To your friend’s wedding?”

“He’s your friend, too. You and your brothers and Hannah have known him for years.”

“Gavin, you’re being crazy. Why would I go to Dylan’s wedding without you?”

“Because you’ll be out all that money if you don’t go.”

“Please stay and talk to me.”

“What’s there to talk about? You’ve always wanted more from me than I’m able to give. This is the proof.”

“So that’s it? It’s over? Just like that? Because I tried to do something nice for you?”

“No, because you’re too good for me. You deserve better.”

“Gavin, I swear to God, if you walk out that door, don’t come back. You won’t be welcome.”

“I’m sorry, Ella. You’ll never know how sorry I am that I couldn’t make this work.”

With those words, he walked out the door, closing it behind him. As the lock clicked into place, Ella stared at the door, riveted by the memory of making love with him there. Her eyes filled with tears that she barely registered.

“What the hell just happened here?” It defied explanation. It defied belief. Never in her worst nightmares had she expected the reaction she’d gotten from him. She’d expected that he might be a little tense about work, but she’d thought that perhaps he’d call Clinton and go over everything with him and at least try to make it work.

But he hadn’t done that. He’d just said thanks but no thanks and then left. She couldn’t believe he’d actually left. There had to be more to this than work. But what was it and why wouldn’t he tell her rather than end a relationship that was making them both happy over a trip no one was going to force him to take?

It didn’t make sense. It didn’t add up.

Ella stared at the door for a long, long time before she turned and went into the kitchen to call his mother.

*   *   *

Gavin’s hands were shaking so badly he could barely drive. God, what had he done? It would be a very long time, if ever, before he forgot the shattered expression on her lovely face. He was a heartless bastard for letting this happen in the first place. That was where he’d made his first mistake.

The time with her had been amazing—the best days of his life—but all along he’d been waiting to fuck it up. He’d known he would. He couldn’t tell her why he didn’t want to go to the wedding. He’d never told anyone why he’d taken a step back from his brother’s friends after Caleb died.

How could anyone understand what he barely understood himself?

No, he’d done the right thing. He kept telling himself that over and over again on the lonely, dark ride home. For a brief moment he thought about driving out of town to a place where no one knew him so he could get drunk in peace.

But he rejected that idea and headed home, where he had plenty of whiskey and could tie one on in the privacy of his own space.

He pulled up to the cabin and went inside where it was cold and dark. If only his fucking hands would stop shaking, he thought as he built up a fire in the woodstove. When his legs would no longer support him in a squat in front of the fireplace, he fell back to the floor, coming to rest against the sofa.

“What the fuck did I do?” Her face . . . that incredibly beautiful face and the way she’d stared at him as if he’d lost his mind . . . The memory of that would haunt him forever. How could he have done that to her? He couldn’t bear to think of the time, effort and expense she’d gone to in order to surprise him, only to have it spit back in her face because he was a pathetic loser who couldn’t find his way out of the swamp of grief and regret his life had become.

Leaving had been the right thing to do.

No, his heart cried out from its painful post inside his chest. It had not been the right thing to do. He’d barely survived one day and one night without her, and now he’d sentenced himself to the rest of his life without her all because he was too much of a coward to confront the truth?

“God, what did I do?” He sat on the floor and ran his fingers through his hair over and over again, wishing he had the courage to go back and face her, to try to explain, to make her see. But she’d told him he wouldn’t be welcome back if he left, and she’d meant it.

He’d finally pushed her too far. He’d finally managed to push her right out of his life.

A knock on the door brought him to his feet, his heart leaping in the hope that it might be her, that maybe she’d come after him one more time. But it wasn’t Ella. It was his dad, and he didn’t look happy.

“Let me in, Gavin.”

“This isn’t a good time, Dad.”

“I’m not leaving until I talk to you, so step aside and let me in.”

Gavin recognized that steely tone in the colonel’s voice and knew he was staring defeat in the face. He stepped aside. His dad walked into the house and went straight to the fridge, where he retrieved a beer. He held it up to ask Gavin if he wanted one.

Gavin shook his head. He wasn’t at all sure he could keep it down. “What’re you doing here anyway?”

“Ella called Mom.”

Gavin sighed, imagining that conversation.

His dad took a drink from his beer. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You want the whole list or just the top ten?”

Bob put the beer down on the counter and ran his hand over his mouth. Gavin couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen his dad so agitated. Well, yes he could . . . He’d looked just like this on the worst day of their lives. Gavin felt a tinge of shame at having driven him to that state again.

“I’ve let this go on far longer than I should have,” Bob said in the tone he used to save for his sons when they tried to step out of line, which was usually every day.

“You’ve let what go on?”

“You and your bullshit. Do you know what it did to your mother to hear you’d gotten arrested in a bar fight at thirty-four years old?”

“Do you even know why I got arrested in a bar fight?” Gavin had never spoken about the incident with either of his parents. In fact, he’d harbored a tiny hope that they hadn’t heard about it.

“Does it matter?”

“It fucking mattered to me or it wouldn’t have happened. The guy I fought with said we wasted our time in Iraq.”

Bob blew out a deep breath, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his own grief. “I’m sorry. I would’ve hit him, too.”

“Despite what you think, I’m not out there looking for trouble.”

“And yet it keeps finding you anyway. How could you turn down Ella’s gift of the trip to the wedding? How could you do that to her, son? That girl loves you. Anyone can see that. Hell, even you have to see that.”

His heart ached so badly. It had only ever hurt that badly once before. Gavin rubbed his hand over his chest, wishing that were all it took to ease the ache. “I see it,” he said.

“Then why? Why would you do this to her?”

“I told her I couldn’t go to the wedding, and she did this anyway. I don’t know what she was hoping to accomplish.”

“She was hoping to blast your head out of your ass and get you back into the land of the living where you belong! Dylan is one of your best friends! He has been since you were in elementary school. He’s getting married. He wants you there. That’s where you ought to be. If I can see that and your mother can see it and Ella can see it, why in the name of God can’t you see it?”

“He’s not my friend. He was Caleb’s friend.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Gavin. Is that what this is about?”

Gavin had never, in all his life, heard Bob Guthrie drop the F word. That was enough to shock him so profoundly he could hardly recall the question his father had asked him. But then he remembered. “No, it’s not just that.”

“Those guys love you as much as they loved Caleb. Everyone can see that but you. Why is that?”

“He was the heart and soul. I was just along for the ride. I was always along for his ride.”

“That is so not true. You have no idea how important you were to him if you can say something so stupid. Without Gavin, there’s no Caleb. You gave him his swagger and made him into the badass he became by challenging him on every bit of bullshit that came out of his mouth from the second you could first talk. Your mother and I used to call you the ballast. You kept the ship from rolling over under the weight of his personality and his ego. You were the yin to his yang.”

Gavin had never heard these things before, and each revelation left him reeling.

“Nothing in my life has ever made me prouder than the deep friendship you two shared. You were more like twins than any twins I ever met. My very first thought upon hearing he’d been killed wasn’t for me or your mother or Hannah. It was for you. I simply couldn’t imagine one of you without the other.”

“Dad . . .” Gavin needed this to stop before he completely lost his shit. This was the last thing he could bear to face tonight after he’d already royally fucked things up with Ella.

“I’ve watched you wither away over these last few years, becoming a man who bears no resemblance whatsoever to who he was before that day. I’ve watched you bury yourself in your work to the exclusion of your friends and even your family at times. I’ve stood by and let you do your thing because who am I to say how you’re supposed to grieve your only sibling and closest friend? But I will not stand idly by and watch you sabotage your relationship with that lovely woman because you can’t get out of your own goddamned way. I won’t let you do it.”

“Too late,” Gavin said glumly. “I’ve already done it.”

“It’s never too late.”

“This time it might be.”

“You need to go over there and fix this, Gavin. If you think you’ve suffered over Caleb, you haven’t seen suffering until you lose the woman you love forever. How’s it going to feel to know she’s out there somewhere, married to someone else, having his babies and living her life with him while you’re still here mired in your own shit, wishing for something that’s never going to happen?”

The picture his father painted of Ella happily married to someone else scared the living hell out of him. It had been his greatest fear in all the months before they got together—that she would finally meet someone she liked better than him. “You think that’s what I’m doing? Sitting here wishing Caleb would come strolling in the door like he owns the place just like he used to?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, I’m not. I know he’s dead. I know he’s not coming back. I know Homer’s dead and Hannah’s remarried and you and Mom are up to your eyeballs in the inn and everything is going along swimmingly for everyone. I get it.”