Текст книги "Finding Me "

Автор книги: Mariah Dietz

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“Suivez votre cœur,”

–Dr. David Bosse

“What do you want to do tonight? Anything sound good for dinner besides more tacos?” Kendall asks with a grin as we make our way back into San Diego. This is the third day that I’ve spent with Mindi, gaining small successes with Juliet when she didn’t scream at me when my oldest sister left the two of us alone together to take a call.

Where’s Max? The question is on the tip of my tongue and is just the beginning of the assault of questions that I have for her. “I’m up for whatever,” I reply instead, changing the radio from the station I know is programmed from Jameson. “By the way, did you move my blue shirt?”

“Blue shirt?”

“Yeah, the one I wore Friday with the family.”

“It isn’t in your bag?”

“I thought I left it in a pile on my suitcase with some other things that were dirty, but I couldn’t find it when I was sorting stuff this morning.”

“That’s weird.” Kendall looks at me with her brows furrowed.

“I probably just missed it. It’s probably buried in the bottom of one of my bags. I just thought I’d ask in case you had taken it.”

Wes comes over for dinner, and falls asleep shortly after at the far end of the sectional. Landon offers for me to sleep in his room, insisting he won’t mind sleeping on the other side of the couch, as does Jameson. I decline both of their offers, knowing that they have to work in the morning, and that Wes will never cross a line with me. We’re only friends, and it’s been that way for a very long time.

Listening to Wes mumble for the hundredth time in the last hour, I realize I should have taken them up on it. I’ve never known anyone to really talk in their sleep, let alone this much! It’s driving me half crazy because even though I really couldn’t care less about what he’s saying, my brain keeps working to decipher his sleep-encoded words, interrupting me from worrying about Kitty. Today Mindi volunteered to go visit the cemetery with me again. It was the second time she mentioned it—the fifth that it’s been brought up in total—forcing the thoughts of the loss of my father, and potential loss of Kitty, to the forefront of my mind.

My eyes fly open and my mind feels alert. Normally nightmares wake me up like this, but this time, nothing is haunting me.

I look around the dark living room, feeling my heart race, and then realize what woke me up. A loud train of curses followed by a whine and a scratching at the door makes my heart squeeze. I sit up slightly, my eyes and ears desperately seeking the night for the confirmation that I’m not dreaming. A scraping against the lock sends my heart rate to unhealthy levels as my eyes widen and my muscles tense. When I hear the key turn, I drop back to the couch, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to bury my face in my pillow as I try to make my breathing sound normal.

I can tell when the door is opened by the click of Zeus’s nails against the hardwood floors growing closer to me. His voice is hushed as he calls out to Zeus, making my entire body pulse with familiarity and nerves. Zeus’s heavy breathing grows until he places his front paws on the couch in front of me and begins bathing me in heavy kisses. There’s no way to try and pretend I’m sleeping through this. I’ll drown first. Plus my need to see him is outweighing my fears.

I sit up and wipe a hand down my face, searching the dark living room for him as Zeus pushes closer to me, whimpering with anticipation and what can only be described as unleashed excitement.

Then he appears in front of the coffee table. It’s too dark to make out much of him, but every fiber of my being feels some sort of response, verifying that it’s him. Elation and fear, mixed with rage and jealousy, are topped with curiosity and pain. It’s a confounding and stifling overabundance of emotions that has my eyes staring wide at him, soaking up every last detail that I can manage in the dim light while Zeus works to climb higher on the couch, hovering over me.

Max stares back at me and although it’s too dark to see the blueness of his eyes, I can see the fierceness in them. He looks pissed. No relief, no happiness like Zeus, just anger.

“Zeus,” he calls again in a tone I’ve rarely heard.

“It’s alright. He can stay.” Thankfully my voice barely comes out above a whisper because my emotions are shooting through me like vinegar when it meets baking soda—unsteady.

He stares at me, and like a geyser, unspoken words flood my mind. “Hey, Max.”

He must be just as shocked as I am that I was able to speak those words because as soon as his name hits my lips, he turns and ascends the stairs without responding. His bedroom door slams and then silence rings in my ears.

I catch a movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to see Landon in the hallway, running a hand over his jaw, wearing only a pair of gym shorts. His head turns from the stairs to me, and then he silently walks to the couch.

“He’s…”

“It’s okay,” I say when the rest of his words don’t seem to find their way out. “This is his house too.”

“He’s not mad at you.”

I turn to look at him in obvious disbelief. Anyone would have been able to see that Max was mad at me. His reaction wasn’t shocking exactly. Max lost one of his best friends, just like I had. There have been days that I have felt really angry over the whole situation too. Angry that I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings, and angry about the way he dealt with my insecurities. I still struggle with being angry over removing myself and moving to Delaware because I thought it would be the right decision for me.

Kitty and I have discussed my tendency to run from awkward situations; she’s the one who provided me with the new term “remove myself from.” It sounds a lot better than fleeing, but I had fled, and I know it. I can give a hundred reasons why for each time too, rationalizing each situation until I’m nearly positive it was the right decision—but I can never make it to one hundred percent. That small bubble of resistance and doubt always prevents me from being able to allow the memories to finally be discarded, and then it begins spreading, eating the conviction one doubt at a time.

“I understand why he’s mad. I just don’t understand why he’s so angry when he’s obviously moved on.”

Landon stares at me and the silence of the room grows. Questions run through his eyes, but I know his friendship to Max is shutting each of them down.

I nod my head in the direction of the front door. “I met his girlfriend today.”

Landon’s jaw visibly clenches and then a loud sigh leaves his nose. His shadowed eyes move to Zeus who has taken up two-thirds of the couch, and he reaches out to pet him. “What did she say?” he asks quietly.

“Not much.”

“She’s not … they’re not … it’s not like that.”

“Like what?”

Landon stares at me, the same internal war present across his features.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. I understand,” I assure him.

Wes’s mumbling and heavy breaths stop, and I turn to look at the far end of the couch. He’s blinking, trying to focus on Landon, Zeus, and me. “Shit!” he growls. Sitting up, his attention focuses on Landon who looks at him with grim resolve.

“Would you guys stop? Seriously, it’s okay. In the morning I’m going to call Mindi and go stay over at their house.”

“Ace, no,” Wes replies, his tone harsher than I’ve ever heard.

“Yeah, no. Stay, Ace,” Landon adds.

“I’ll still see you guys. It won’t be a big deal. This way you guys get your living room back, and he gets to be in his house. I can’t ask him to leave and go back to …” I hold out my arm because I have no idea where he’s been staying, and the question hurts my chest. “This is his home.”

“If you stay with Mindi and Kyle, we’ll barely see you,” Wes interjects.

“This decision can’t just be about me. I’m not leaving this time because I’m uncomfortable. I’m leaving because it’s the right thing to do.”

“If you leave, Kendall’s going to hate him, and you know what that will do.” Landon’s words are calculated; he knows what he’s just thrown at my feet. Do I want my relationship with Max to interfere with her relationship with him and chance how that will then affect Max and Jameson’s friendship? I promised her that if anything happened we would all be civil adults, and although moving houses seems like the appropriate thing to do, I know Landon’s right. I know Kendall will blame Max even though it wouldn’t be his fault.

Zeus pushes his head against me once more, sensing my unease. Max’s bedroom door opens. All of us turn to the balcony and see the light from Max’s room escape into the dark hallway.

“Landon,” Max barks before his feet hit the stairs.

Panic stirs in me, knotting my stomach so tight I feel as though I’ve just run a mile on a full stomach. I don’t know if he just knows that Landon heard him because Landon is such a light sleeper—he hears everything—or if our quiet voices had travelled up the stairs.

“Why don’t you take Zeus outside?” Landon says, turning to Wes. Wes looks at him defiantly, his chin sharp. I stand up, bringing Zeus with me like a shadow.

“Come on,” I say, waiting for Wes to stand up.

Wes collapses at the patio table with a mumble of curses. Zeus wanders into the yard, and I sit across from Wes, folding my arms across my chest as the slightly cool breeze touches my skin.

“Did you know you talk in your sleep?” The agitation on his face begins to break as he fights a smile, and I nod. “You talk a lot. Like Jameson, when he’s awake.”

“No one talks as much as J,” he says with a sheepish smile, turning his focus to the table between us.

“You’re wrong. You do. At least when you’re asleep you do.”

His eyes meet mine and the amusement that started to break through is replaced with a stoic expression. He’s hiding emotions, making my mind race to know if I want to know any of them or if I should be working to distract him again. “Ace, please don’t leave.”

I’ve hurt him. I’ve hurt all of them in some variance. Each of them have been affected from what I thought was my own internal battle—but it never was. Each day that I’m here, I see more of the scars from the shrapnel that flew the day my world exploded.

“Is he happy?”

Wes shakes his head a few times somberly and then looks up at the night sky. “He hasn’t been happy in a long time. You know that.”

“I met her.”

“You met who?” His face betrays the fact that he already knows the answer to his question.

“She’s really pretty.”

Wes breathes out a curse and rubs his hand across his forehead. “When in the hell did she show up?”

“Monday.”

“Monday?”

I nod in confirmation and he releases another groan mixed with an expletive.

“I’m not going to run, Wes. I know you guys are all walking on egg shells, waiting for me to freak out, but I’m okay. I don’t need to be protected.”

“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you about her.”

“It’s okay.” I try to make my words sound strong, but they come out warbled and quiet.

“I didn’t know how to … I mean, I didn’t want you to…”

“It’s okay,” I interrupt him, meeting his light blue eyes in the glow of the patio lights. “I’m ok—”

“Wes, can you give us a minute?” Max’s words arrive before he does looking rigid and defensive. It’s clear that although he phrased his words as a question, it’s not as he steps closer.

I take the opportunity to look over him with the added light. His hair’s longer and his face is just starting to get the hint of stubble on it, revealing that he shaved this morning. His hands and arms look warm and familiar, but his expression is anything but.

My fingers grip the lip of the chair as I work to interpret every detail of his expression. Anger’s still evident, but I swear there’s more—unless my own hope is just clouding my senses.

He slowly walks to the chair Wes had occupied seconds ago and takes a seat. His red T-shirt is as unfamiliar as the vibes that are rolling at me like waves, crashing against my already weakened hope.

His arms cross against his chest in a defensive posture, revealing the hint of a new tattoo under his bicep, in the same location as Landon’s. My eyes quickly travel to his left hand where I briefly see his version of our matching tattoos we had gotten last February in Vegas and wonder if the brunette ever asks what it means.

Silent questions and blaring accusations fill the space between us as we stare at one another.

Zeus trots over to us, the tags on his collar jangling, breaking the silence. “I can go stay with Mindi.”

“That’s your choice.”

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Since when did you start giving a shit about my feelings?”

“I’ll lie and tell Kendall that Mindi asked me to stay there, and that I want to spend more time with the girls. She’ll be pissed at me, not you.”

“Go ahead, keep another secret.” His words are like ice, leaving me feeling stung.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

They’re giving me far too much credit. I had no idea that Max hasn’t been happy, and I have no idea what he’s alluding to. I swallow my irritations and sit up further in my chair. “I’m giving you the option. This is your house and I’m trying to—”

“I’ve moved on,” Max says, interrupting my words with malice.

My lungs expel the rest of my air and my eyes avoid him as I blink back the pain his words inflict upon me.

“Yeah, I saw.”

Zeus sighs, laying his head beside my feet. I think even he’s realizing that things are done.

“I can stay somewhere else. I just need to get more clothes.”

“You don’t have to leave, Max. This is your house and I promised Kendall that regardless of what happened, it wouldn’t affect the friendship between all of us.”

Max laughs sardonically a few times and my eyes finally turn back to him. “I don’t want to be your friend, Harper.”

I’ve never heard him call me Harper, not once. It hurts more than him telling me that he’s moved on because it somehow seems to confirm the fact.

“I don’t want you to hate me, Max.”

“This would be a lot easier if I did.”

“We started off as friends. We were good at being friends.”

“We were never friends!” His voice rises with each word.

“We were never only friends,” I amend. He doesn’t argue, but he doesn’t agree either.

I turn my attention to a hangnail on my right thumb and bite the inside of my cheek to prevent the monsoon of words and questions I fear knowing the answer to from even forming in my head. I don’t even want to think about them and possible answers.

“If shit gets too weird, I’ll leave.”

I hadn’t realized he was intending to stay, but I keep that to myself and move my gaze up to his face. God, he’s handsome. Our eyes meet, exchanging so many things that neither of us are brave enough to say, and then he abruptly stands from the table and heads back toward the house with Zeus and me watching him.

I let out a long breath and feel a warm tear trace down my cheek. I start gulping the air, working relentlessly to tire the emotions that are on the cusp of taking over.

“We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”

–Sigmund Freud

My head aches when I wake up the next morning and discover that the house is empty. Even Zeus is gone, which fills me with the same hollowness that I haven’t experienced for a few months now.

I reach for my phone and see that Kendall sent me a text.

Kendall: I TT Wes. sry I didn’t tell u. Plz don’t h8 me. :( Ill tell u ne thing u want 2 know.

The text was sent over an hour ago, and I’m sure she’s fretting because I haven’t responded.

Me: That’s okay, I preferred not knowing.

Kendall: :(

I grip my laptop bag and head outside to soak in some Vitamin D and distract my thoughts with school work.

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: I MISS YOU!!!

I grin as the instant message pops up on my screen seconds after I log into the lab’s intranet.

Harper Bosse: :) I miss you too.

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: How are things going?

Harper Bosse: Fine

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: L-i-a-r

I hate texts and other instant messages for the reason that I can never tell if someone’s fishing, being sarcastic, or somehow knows the truth, but with Fitz, it’s likely the latter. At one time I used to think I had a pretty good poker face, but these days it seems like everyone sees through my smoke screens.

Harper Bosse: It’s already 80 out

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: Have you seen your dad yet?

Harper Bosse: I will

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: You know you can always talk to me, clear across the country or not. I’m always here for you. Day or night.

Harper Bosse: I do, and I appreciate it. Love you, Fitz.

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: I love you too, H. I’ve got a meeting I have to attend, but I’ll bring my phone, if you need me PLEASE call.

Harper Bosse: Thanks :)

Dr. Maxwell Fitzgerald: It’s okay to rely on someone.

Harper Bosse: Go to your meeting, Fitz. I’m fine—really.

I wait for several minutes for a response that doesn’t come, hoping that I haven’t offended him.

I pull out my earbuds when a scream breaks over the music. My eyes dart to the corner of my screen to see that I’ve been working for nearly three hours. It’s just after noon so I know the others aren’t home yet.

A crash is followed by another blood curdling scream that makes me stand erect. Flight and fight instincts race through my muscles. I know Kendall’s scream, and that isn’t it, but I’m not sure who else it could be.

I timidly step forward and pull open the door. Yelling and laughing is followed by more screaming and the sight of the brunette covered in globs of red and yellow goop. Hank’s sons, Max’s nephews, the source of the giggling, dance around her. The goo still flies, along with something else that’s sticking to her.

I push the door fully open, but remain outside as I yell over their noise, “Guys, what are you doing?”

Colt jumps and turns around, revealing an economy-sized bottle of ketchup in his hands. My attention turns to Jack, who has a matching large bottle of mustard. Henniger and Levi each clutch a box of cereal, throwing it at her to add insult to injury.

“She said she wanted to play blob,” Henniger explains with a guilty smile.

“Oh yeah? Did you tell her what that entailed?” I ask, snatching the box of Lucky Charms and looking to Colt, the oldest of the four.

“It won’t hurt her, Auntie, she can wash it all off,” he states factually.

His reference sends a trickle of warmth through me, followed by a tsunami of panic, but Max’s girlfriend is too distracted to notice. I watch her carefully, still waiting for a reaction as she flings a glob of the ketchup, mustard, and Lucky Charms to the floor, accompanied by a growl that sounds angry enough to make each of the boys take a measured step back.

“You guys are fuckin’ monsters!” she screams. “I hate you! I hate you all!”

“She said the F-word!” Levi tattles.

She turns toward him and screams once again before stalking out of the room. I wait to hear the front door slam. Instead, I hear her stomp up the stairs. I take another look around at the kitchen that’s covered in fluorescent condiments and quietly sigh.

“Alright, weapons please,” I say, holding out my hands.

The bottles are nearly empty, an impressive feat considering their size. I drop them all in the sink and grab a roll of paper towels from the counter.

“Okay, here. You guys start wiping this up. I’m going to check on your victim,” I instruct, handing the paper towels to Jack.

“She’s not very nice, Auntie Ace,” Henniger says quietly, watching his foot rotate in circles on the floor.

I kneel beside him, placing my hand on his shoulder. “I think she’s just having a bad day. We all have those.”

He shakes his head vigorously. “She’s always like that!”

The news that this isn’t the first time she’s been around them makes my chest hurt. Levi’s giggles thankfully interrupt my spiraling feelings and I looked up to see Max’s girlfriend standing in the entry of the kitchen, still looking a total mess.

I stand up and step in front of Jack, who she’s focused an earth-splitting glare on. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you guys were in here. I didn’t know they were coming.”

Her lips purse and her anger-filled eyes turn to me. “I don’t need your help.”

“I…” Is she kidding? “I can see that,” I reply, glancing around to see nearly every surface affected by the mess.

“Fine.” She stalks to the kitchen table and lifts a large white purse that she carefully holds away from her. “You want to save the day? Great. Have fun.”

I hear her ascend the stairs again and moments later hear the water running, making me wince from her ease of knowing the house.

“See,” Henniger says in his four-year-old whisper, that isn’t much of a whisper.

I face him with a small smile and reach for his hand. “Alright, you guys start wiping down the floor. I’ll start tackling the higher surfaces.”

It takes well over an hour to get all of the stickiness and Lucky Charms debris picked up. I ultimately pull out the mop and wash the floors from the kitchen to the stairs, and then wash the stairs, leaving the path from the top step to Max’s door.

She returns as I’m putting the cleaning supplies away in the hall closet. Her hair is wet and she wears a dark green shirt with the name of a local bar across the chest, along with a tiny pair of shorts that are nearly invisible under the shirt that is clearly Max’s based upon the sheer size. She doesn’t say anything when she finds me watching her. Instead, she streams across the room and shuts the front door with more force than necessary.

After a round of popsicles, three games of soccer, four toasted cheese sandwiches, and one argument over whether I’m still their aunt, Max and Hank appear in the backyard where the boys and I are playing soccer again.

“Dad, Dad, watch what I can do!” Colt yells, picking up the soccer ball and dribbling it with his feet and knees.

“Wow! Way to go, bud!”

“You have to see Ace do it. She’s way better!” Colt’s voice is still loud with excitement.

“You’ll be there in no time,” I say, shrugging off his comment.

“Show them, Auntie, show them that move you did where you bounce it up and hit it with your head! That was so cool!” Colt continues, as the other boys start crowding around.

“Maybe another time,” I say.

Colt looks at me with a dejected frown that makes Hank laugh and reach out to ruffle his hair.

“Hey, Ace,” he greets me warmly and takes a few steps closer. I can tell by his posture that he’s going to hug me, and although I genuinely like Hank, this moment feels insanely uncomfortable. It grows when I catch Max’s cold blue eyes on me as his oldest brother wraps me in his arms.

“Hey,” I finally reply into his shoulder as I lightly squeeze my arms around his back in response.

“It’s good to see you,” he says, keeping an arm wrapped around my shoulders as we part.

I smile at him, appreciating the fact he doesn’t seem to hate me and acts undeterred by Max’s obvious unease.

“Where’s Erin?” Max asks, speaking for the first time.

The blank nameplate in my mind fills, and I wish that I was still oblivious. It was better when she didn’t have a name, like in some way that made her less permanent.

All four of the boys turn and look at me.

“Boys.” Hank’s voice is filled with warning.

“Have you ever heard of the game blob?” Jack starts, his eyes wide with hope and half-feigned innocence.

“The game where you tag people and they have to hold your hand?” Hank asks, looking equally hopeful.

“Apparently there’s an updated version,” I say when Jack doesn’t reply.

“What did you guys do?” Hank asks with a groan.

“Well, it’s this game that Henry Martin told me about. He said he saw it on TV where they sprayed someone and covered them with all different colors. Well, we couldn’t find any paint,” Jack says, shrugging his narrow shoulders, “so we used some ketchup.” Hank’s eyes widen.

“And mustard,” Colt adds quietly.

“And Lucky Charms,” Henniger chimes, far less afraid.

“Boys!” Hank groans. “Why would you do that?”

I look up and find Max glaring at me. I blink several times, trying to understand why he looks so upset. A tremor of anger runs through me, making my eyes narrow on him. I cried so hard that I threw up the night I met Danny, and yet Max replaced me so easily, and with someone like her.

“Where did she go?” Max demands, his eyes remaining on mine.

“She wasn’t in a very chatty mood.”

Max scowls then turns back to the house.

“Boys, you ready to go to Grandma’s?” Hank asks, clapping his hands enthusiastically, though his eyes follow Max’s retreat.

“No, Dad. Let’s stay!” Levi whines.

“Yeah, please, Dad?” Colt joins in the whining chorus.

“We’ve got to go, dudes. Grandma’s waiting for us. Say thank you to Ace and go say goodbye to Uncle Max. And tell him you’re sorry.”

“No!” Henniger cries, wrapping around my leg like an octopus.

“Oh, buddy, we’ll come back again,” Hank assures him softly, resting a hand on his shoulder as he squats down to his level.

Levi reluctantly begins to unravel himself, keeping his large brown eyes on me.

“I’m really glad I got to see you. You’re going to have a lot of fun visiting your grandma,” I say, holding my hand out to his.

“Next time I see you I’m going to be able to dribble with my head too!” Jack says excitedly as we step through the back door.

I smile at him to avoid a response. Telling him that I likely won’t see him again, at least not anytime in the foreseeable future, is another thought I don’t want to have.

Colt wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me, saying a jumbled thank you into my side.

Hank smiles as Colt slides his feet across the slick floor and trudges out the front door. “Ace, as always, it was really good seeing you. Sarah will be so disappointed she missed you,” Hank says wrapping me in another hug.

“Tell her I say hello.”

“I will.” He turns and the other boys each give me aggressive hugs before leading Hank outside. Henniger stops in the doorway and turns around, his lips and eyes are both turned down.

“I love you, Auntie Ace,” he says quietly, waving his floppy little hand.

I’m sure the sentiment is because we’ve had fun running around this afternoon, but nonetheless, it pulls on my heartstrings.

“I love you too,” I whisper, earning a small smile.

I head back out to the backyard as they complete their goodbyes in the driveway. Zeus follows me out to where I sit in a patio chair, extending my legs, pointing my black-painted toes toward the sky. I’m considering that my time with Kitty isn’t really helping as much as I’d thought as I feel my strength unraveling faster than a spool of thread.

Kendall finds me in the same spot when she comes home, a big smile across her face.

“Get ready! We’re going out!”

I raise an eyebrow as I turn to look at her. “Where are we going?”

“I honestly couldn’t care less. I have the next ten days off, and we are going to go and party! Party hard!”

The last thing I want to do right now is go out and party, but Kendall’s excitement is palpable, and it fills me with hope that I can bury my fears.

Several hours later I find myself in a small laundry room filled with hordes of dirty laundry that reek of stale cigarette smoke, sweat, and a musky perfume that makes my stomach roll. My fingers weave through my hair pulling it from my face as I turn in a half circle to fully examine the small room, searching for an alternative.

“I know you’re going to hate me for this, but believe me, it’s for your own good,” I say, sliding Kendall’s arm free from my shoulders so she leans against a large pile of clothes. A bright pink thong falls onto her shoulder, making my eyes widen in horror. “Sorry! Sorry!” I cry, grabbing a dirty shirt to lift the offending pair of underwear.

I let out a breath and call Mindi again. Of my three remaining sisters that aren’t currently passed out, I can’t get a hold of any of them. I even tried to reach Caulder and Kyle, something I know would not go over well if they had in fact answered, but I’m a little desperate.

A sick feeling of déjà vu streams through me as I realize I’ve run out of options. Wes hasn’t answered, Jameson’s phone appears to be off, and so is Landon’s because I know he’s already asleep at the house. I press send and slowly rest my phone against my ear, convincing myself he won’t answer.

“I don’t want to talk to you. Especially not when you’re drunk,” Max growls.

I pull the phone from my ear and stare at it like it’s the dirty underwear I just removed from Kendall and contemplate hanging up on him for a long moment.

“When have I ever drunk dialed you?” I demand.

“Harper, I’m not in the mood.”

“I’ve never drunk dialed you!”

“Harper, what do you want?”

“For you to stop saying my name like it’s some disgusting disease for one.” I pause to allow my words to sink in and then take a deep breath. “I need your help.”

“What’s wrong?” Max responds nearly instantly, sounding marginally less vehement.

“Kendall drank something. She drank a lot of something and she’s wasted. I can’t get her to respond at all, and I can’t carry her. I’d call a cab, but I don’t think I can get her through the crowd, and I can’t get a hold of any of my sisters, and Jameson’s phone is off. He didn’t want to come here, and I think he’s mad at Kendall for coming.” I don’t know what it is about Max that has always made me spout off the longest sentences of my life.

“Where are you guys?” I can hear Max rustling and assume he’s getting out of bed and dressed.

I glance at Kendall. Her body is completely relaxed, sprawled across the linoleum floor. “I don’t know exactly, we’re downtown. I need to ask someone for the address and call you back.”

“No, just stay on with me.”

I take a fleeting look back at my sister in the mess of laundry and quietly escape out the door, making sure to securely close it behind me.

“Hey, do you know who lives here?” I ask a pretty red-headed girl a few feet from me that is talking to another girl.

They both turn to look at me and then shrug before dispersing into the crowd. “Very helpful,” I murmur, taking a few more steps, reluctant to allow too much space between myself and the door hiding Kendall.

“Hey, do you know what the address of this place is, or who lives here?” I ask a tall black guy that looks like he could be a professional athlete based on his height and build.